Transcription
Okay, tonight God's plan, not the American plan, not the western plan. The family is so important to God. He actually gave a supra cultural that means it transcends any culture. Timeless that means this is not medieval like people say Islam is, you know, or stuck in the seventh century with their dress. This is a timeless supercultural message from God of what he expects in the most as Steve said, vital building block of the church. The family is at the core of all God is doing. He portrays his love for the church as a relationship between a husband and wife. He calls us his children. He is the God that invented the family and has a plan. And so God has a plan for our life. He has a plan for our marriage if we get married and for our family if we have a family. But what's interesting is it isn't a technique. It's a plan for the character we're supposed to have. It isn't uh kind of like uh if you do these three things, you're going to have a wonderful marriage or if you do those four things, you're going to have a wonderful family. God says it's based on your character, who you are. That is going to determine whether you have a life or a marriage or a family that's pleasing to him.
And God's plan tonight, part one, God's plan is always sanctification. God's plan is for us to be sanctified. Now, what is sanctification? Uh, let me use the the basic metaphor we've been using all along and that is I want to have you understand the way that the message comes to us. How do you understand the Bible? Context is vital. So I'm going to be talking to you from the book of Titus. So there it is. The island of Crete that was written to that place 2,000 years ago. You notice where it is? It's basically halfway between Rome and Jerusalem. It's also kind of equidistant from Athens and from Ephesus. And so since you've been in the Bible land so much, you kind of see where it is. It also is notorious. The sea peoples came from Crete because of a disaster, natural disaster, and migrated to live along the shores of the Levant of what we call the Middle East, of the area of the Holy Land. And those sea peoples that came in the 12th century, we know in the Bible as the Philistines. So basically the people from Crete, you want to know what they're like? Think of Goliath. Think of how how much he hated the God of Israel. And that's what the inhabitants were uh when Paul commissioned Titus.
Now look, look where this is in the life of Paul. This is the ending of Paul's life. The book of Titus is written to preach by the apostle Paul at the end of his ministry after he had already preached the messages that are the most famous on the family, Ephesians and especially Ephesians 5, after he had already given all the instruction on marriage in first and second Corinthians, primarily first, after Romans and he talks about marriage in Romans and especially uh the implications on divorce. All of those things are much earlier in his ministry. And then he commissions pastors to go out and to train people in God's plan for their life, for their marriage, and for their family. It's fascinating the context. Basically, what the Lord says is sanctification by God's truth. See, that's the only thing that sanctifies us. John 17:17 says, "Sanctify them by thy truth. Thy word is truth." So basically, a life that's useful to God is a word-filled life. A marriage that is useful to God is a word-filled marriage, which only comes from a word-filled man and a word-filled woman.
See, this is all about my choices. Uh, I've led many Bible study groups and people love to study the Bible and they always say, "That's a good verse for..." They're always thinking for my wife, for my husband, for my kids, for my coworker, for my parents. But actually the Bible is vitally concerned that we use it as a mirror. When I use a mirror, I don't see you guys. I see myself. The purpose of sanctification is to see myself in the scriptures and how far short of God's expectations and plans and then ask him to change me and to sanctify me. So to be useful to God, the best life possible is a sanctified life. A life that lets God's truth transform it. To have the best marriage possible, have a sanctified marriage. Have the best family. Have a sanctified family. Ministry, God's plan is very, very clear.
Well, Roman Crete, that little island I just showed you, Steve was talking about the rent-a-family thing and the demise of family and the, I mean, the decline of everything uh morally in our culture, our western culture is terrible. And we lamented that. But did you know it was actually worse back in the first century? Crete in century one was a world filled with sin-scarred lives. We have yet to approach their flagrant public immorality. We're not there yet. As I told you in class, their sports were done totally unclad. Now, can you imagine what that would do to our culture? Our culture is bad enough. Can you imagine all the athletes with no clothes on? Don't imagine. It's a bad imagination, but that's what it was. And so, as we open to the book of Titus and and we're going to be reading, so start turning there and get there so that you kind of have a location to hang your thoughts. But as we open to Titus, never forget the context. Paul was guided by the Holy Spirit to write to his dear son of faith who had accompanied him on the second missionary journey, the third missionary journey, and had followed through in taking assignments as Paul lost his mobility. And and Titus was a key member of Paul's team. He calls him beloved and dear son. In fact, look at at verse one. Paul's servant. This is Titus 1:1. Of God and apostle Jesus Christ according to the faith of God's elect and the acknowledgement of the truth which accords with godliness.
Now, just pause for a minute. Paul just said something. If you believe right, you'll behave right. The truth that accords with godliness. You believe right, you behave right. You behave incorrectly, you're believing incorrectly. Do you understand? He's saying there's a correspondence, an accord, it connects. So with the truth which accords with godliness, you believe right. You have that godly behavior in hope of eternal life which God who cannot lie promised before time began but in due time manifested his word through preaching which was committed to me. Paul is so aware of his calling of God to be an apostle according to the commandment of God our Savior. Now, that's interesting. God our Savior. Most people don't think of God as the Savior. They think of Jesus as the Savior. To Titus reveals God is the Savior and Jesus is just a reflection of that love. But then here comes what I was getting at, verse four. To Titus, a true son in our common faith. Grace, mercy, peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior. Now he's equating Jesus. So this shows the the Trinity. God the Father is a Savior. God the Son is the Savior. And he's he's talking about uh their co-equality.
But then look at this, verse five. For this reason I left you in Crete, that island I just showed you, that you should set in order the things that are lacking. These people were from a warped society. They were from confused families. They were from messed up marriages. In the first century, a man had a wife for the sole purpose of someone to keep the house clean, make the meals, and raise their legitimate heirs that would keep the family name going. There was no real closeness there. A wife was the homekeeper, the kid keeper, the, you know, guardian of that, but the man primarily lived outside the home. In fact, he primarily lived in the baths. That's where he spent his time with all the other men and with all the consort women that were available at the baths. And almost all working men had a woman on the side that was their pleasure giver. The wife was the keeper and they had children and and she was there. The pleasure was outside home. That's messed up. And that was the culture of the first century. So Paul said, "Set in order the things that are lacking. Appoint elders in every city." And then he gives the character of an elder, you know, starting in verse six. And he describes that all the way down. And then he says this, get, get onward to uh verse uh 10. For there are many insubordinate, idle talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, the Jewish people, whose mouths must be stopped. They subvert whole households. But now look at verse 12. One of them, a prophet of their own, has said, "Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons."
Now look at this. What kind of people can God use? This kind. This is the This is the congregation Paul is sending. How would you like to have an assignment? Word Life sends you off to Crete and says, "This is the group of people you're going to shepherd." If the group of people you're going to shepherd are are always lying, I mean, they look at you in the eye and say, "Yes, I'm going to obey the Lord," and they don't. They're evil beasts. I mean, they just they just treat each other terribly, and they're lazy gluttons. They just look for pleasure. And Paul said, "This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply that they may be sound in faith." This group of people were messed up and walked, but sanctification always works. You want to have the the greatest evidence that God is real? Let him change your life. Um, one of the joys I've had over the years is discipling men. Small groups. Uh, when I was at Calvary, we launched into uh this current round of uh missionary travel. I had 10 small groups going and they were all affinity groups. I had a group of retired policemen I met with every week. I had a group of undercover detectives, which was a fascinating group. I had a group of uh kind of like coaches and all from Western Michigan University and and some players too. I had another group that was all all very successful businessmen. They were all 40-something years old. They all had in America what's called a Pottery Barn house. I mean, everything looked like Pottery Barn, if you even know what Pottery Barn is, but it's just wealthiness. And so all of these groups I met with and and we made a promise we would meet together once a week for one year or they couldn't join the group. And not only would we meet once a week for one year, but they would write out in a journal what they were learning in the scriptures as you all did from Revelation and that they would do as you all did, that prayer at the end of everyday studies of what they were asking God to change in their life.
Now see, most people are uncomfortable doing that. They they say that they know what they want you to change or what you know, someone near them should change or their friend, but not themselves. We don't like to say what we want God to change us. So there was a lot of resistance for about three or four weeks and then finally most of them got in gear. All 10 of these groups, there about 40, 50 men in groups. After the first month, I had a woman come up to me. She she was looking around in the hallway of the church and she said, um, "What, what have you been telling my husband?" I said, "I don't know what the context." She said, "Give me your Bible study." I said, "Why?" She says, "My husband changed so much that I said to him, 'Do you have cancer? Uh, are you dying? Is that why you're changing so much? Are you going to divorce me?'" He so radically altered the way he had been for 20 years of their marriage. He, one thing he started doing is he started coming to the meals. He started engaging with the family. He started looking around the table, asking everybody where they were in the word. She thought that was the weirdest thing she'd ever heard. He started asking her what if he could pray for in her life. She didn't want to tell him. She didn't know him that well. They were married. I mean, he started, I mean, he started doing all kinds of stuff. And she said to me, "What are you telling him?" I said, "I just I'm telling him that sanctification always works." And it does. You want to see God's hand? Surrender to him. He'll change you from the inside out.
Well, these people were totally untrustworthy. They always lied. They were out of control of their living. Paul said they're like evil beasts and they pursued their appetites. They were lazy but weapons. But what does salvation do? Have you memorized this? Is this a Word of Life verse? 2 Corinthians 5:17. That was last year's or the year before the theme. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ Jesus, they are a new creation. The old has passed away or is passing away and everything is becoming new." That's what Christ wants to do. That's what sanctification is. Our God is a God of new beginnings. And through Christ's blood, God changes us from the inside out. He starts by putting a new heart in us. That's what regeneration is. He takes away the stony heart. That's a part of our new life in Christ. And then he moves in and that's sanctification.
Okay. How do you establish Christian families? Titus 2 is the pattern. Titus 1 is the challenge. And the challenge is these people are lazy gluttons, evil beasts. They're they're terrible. They're liars. The curriculum is chapter 2. And then the changed lives are reflected in chapter 3. Remember I told you the story of the power walker that came in said, "I found myself." How many of you remember that story? Yeah. Mr. Everything I'm not, you know? I mean, it was Mr. Muscles. Chapter three, he said, "I found myself to transformation." That's chapter three. The the the change Jesus brings. The the challenge is the messed up lives. The curriculum's right in the middle. I'm going to show you in a minute, but I'll tell you ahead. Titus 2 contains the only curriculum that covers every older man, every older woman, every younger woman, and every younger man in the church. By the way, if you're not an older man or an older woman or a younger woman or a younger man, what are you? That covers everybody. It covers everyone. Either you're an older or younger man or an older or younger woman. There is nobody else. And this is the only passage that addresses each of them directly that says, "This is what I expect from older men. This is what I expect. God said, my plan for older women. This is my plan for younger women. This is my plan for younger men." It's fascinating. It's the pattern God gave. Basically, if you're looking for a passage to study in depth that can change your life, the book of Titus is it and especially the center of it. If you want a special passage to memorize, by the way, does anybody know what's on the back of my phone? Titus 2. Do you know why? This is God's plan. I have written down as an older man what God says he wants to see in my life. And so every time I pull out my phone, I have a choice of either listening to what God says he wants to do in my life or just reading the latest blah blah. You know, it's a real choice and it helps me measure what's most important to me.
Okay. The pathway of usefulness to God. There's nothing greater in life than being useful to God, right? What, what would be greater than usefulness to God? What's the only thing that lasts forever? What we do. Remember, we're clothed with the righteous works of the saints. Titus chapter 2, especially the first eight verses, give us the curriculum, what God wants trained into every member in Christ Church. You know what's fascinating to me? Titus 2 shows up in many churches for women. They have a Titus 2 women's club or something like that. I've never No, no, honestly, they do. It's kind of like they know the Titus 2 woman. Did you know before the Titus 2 woman is described as the Titus 2 man? I have never met a church in 40 years that has a Titus 2 men's club that emphasizes that. How about what it says for the younger women? Do you know what it says? He says, "The highest calling of every older woman in the church is to cultivate in the younger women of the church what God wants them to be as they grow up." Yet, I've scanned Sunday school material for 40 years as a pastor. I have never seen the qualities in this curriculum in any Sunday school material. They cover everything else.
Well, God's recovery program is always sanctification. What do I mean by that? Well, in America, a recovery program is if you're a drug addict, if you are a sex addict, if you're an alcoholic or whatever, you get into a recovery program. You know, all the stars are into recovery programs, you know, and they go there and, you know, uh get recovered and all it is is they like turn over a new leaf and they do better for a while. God's recovery program is he wants to move inside by way of his word to sanctify them through thy truth. We open our hearts to God's word and we say, "I believe this is what you want for me and I ask you to change me to be like this." And every time, every time I fail, instead of beating myself up, I'm just going to say, "I was wrong. Forgive me. I repent." And God gives us a new beginning. I mean, it's amazing.
Okay, let's go through the curriculum before we run out of time. Number one, Christ is looking for godly older men of maturity. Titus chapter 2, the first two verses give the six life priorities. You know what a priority is? It's something that that you work on as as being more important than other things. In my life, God has established what my life, my overarching priorities should be. And he's written them down. And they have nothing to do with Western society, Eastern society, America, you know, uh, the Orah. It's totally God giving me a pattern in clear language. Did you know these words were originally written to primarily poor people and slaves? That was the majority of the church. And the the word pictures I'm going to share with you, the Greek words that God inspired Paul to write, every person that heard them, it just clicked. It was like, that's so clear and that's what God wants. Let's go through the men real quick. Titus 2. "But as for you," Paul's talking to Titus, "speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine." Pause. Sound. See the word sound right there? The word in Greek is *hugaino*. We get the English word hygiene or hygienic. That means something that's healthy. You know, they they tell you you need proper hygiene so that germs aren't growing and so that you don't have problems. Hygiene, health. You know what God wants? Healthy doctrine. You see, if you remember back in chapter one, the the belief or truth that accords with godliness. If you believe right, behavior follows belief. If you believe right, behavior will become right. God. So healthy doctrine leads to healthy living.
Okay, verse two. "That the older men be." Now, now look at these priorities. There are six of them. Older men be sober, reverent, temperate. And then here's that word healthy. The sound. God wants sound faith, which means healthy faith. You know what healthy faith is? Faith is exercised and it works. That's what healthiness is. It means your system is working. You're healthy. Your immune system is fighting off germs and your your respiratory system is fully functioning and your endocrine system. All those systems are working. They're healthy. God's faith is supposed to be healthy. We're supposed to walk by faith, not by what? Sight. Perfect. I'm glad you guys know the scriptures. That's what he wants from us. Secondly, he says we're supposed to have healthy love. Our love is supposed to be operating. Love covers a multitude of sins. Uh, remember what Jesus said, "Love your enemies." We don't we don't love our enemies. We sue them, right? You know, we we shoot them, you know, whatever. But we don't love them, but the Holy Spirit in us does. And healthy, sound love is prompted, Romans 5 says, by the Holy Spirit. If I have a lack of love, it's just a lack of surrender to the Spirit. Uh, we're all supposed to have healthy patience. Uh, did you know that a godly older man, someone that's known him for 20 years, 15 years, 10 years, they see patience growing in their life. They see love growing in their life. See, that's what the purpose of the church is. Remember what Hebrews chapter 10 says? We're supposed to be stirring each other up for love and good works. You know what that means? We're supposed to look at people and say, "You know what? I see in you, you're more patient than you were last year. I see in you that that you talk more under the Spirit's control than you used to. I see in you that that that you are more compassionate." And see, that's what the church is about. We're supposed to be encouraging each other in these ways.
What do these words mean? Well, sober means maintaining a balance. You can see the words maintaining a balanced life in an obsessive-compulsive world. In America, they diagnose people with three-letter disorders like ADD. You ever heard of ADD? That's someone that's hyperactive. Okay? OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder. is someone that everything they do, they're obsessive about it. If they drink Coke, they drink 20 of them, you know, and if they eat donuts, they eat 30 of them. I mean, they're just obsessive and they're compulsive. They don't plan, they just do stuff and they call it OCD. I mean, a lot of people are diagnosed that way. There's a pill for it. By the way, in America, there's a pill for everything. You can take a drug that will help you with OCD. Many men, in fact, Ritalin, you know, is the American drug of choice. Just calling those ADD and ADHD and OCD people. But what does God say? He says the Holy Spirit wants to produce in us being sober. This word means a balanced life in the midst of a pendular society. Our society is always like this, going overboard in everything. God says the number one first priority of a godly older man is to have this balanced life. People look at you and say, "Oh, you're so in English, they say, even-keeled. You're just kind of really not lazy, not hyper, balanced. You don't go overboard in the midst of an obsessive and a very compulsive world."
Secondly is reverence. Getting serious about God in an amusing world. Remember the alpha privilege in class today? Ah, amusement, not thinking deeply. We live in a world that wants everyone to think shallowly. In America, 150 years ago, there was a presidential debate that lasted, the Lincoln-Douglas, for six hours or eight hours. Who's my historian? Oh, you're ancient history. I believe that. But uh, I don't know if it was six hours or eight hours that Abraham Lincoln and his opponent Douglas talked to each other in a debate. And you know what the historian said? For over six hours, the the crowd went and they watched Lincoln talk and they processed what he said and then they turned and looked at Douglas, another politician, and listened to what he said and they analyzed his answer. And then they turned and looked at Lincoln. And they did that for six hours. And it said that the entire crowd tracked with the debate for six hours. Do you know how long the attention span is of an average human that's a teenager or a 20-year-old? Uh, approximately 15 seconds. That's why they have to have advertisements. Now they have advertisements that are 15 seconds and they're working on six-second advertisements on television. Why? Because the attention span is so short. You know what? This godly man becomes serious about God in a world that doesn't want to think. And they think about God because this book is the only thing that can heal my mind. I went to school with a skin-popping mainline heroin addict. In other words, he rolled up his sleeves. He put a tourniquet on. He heated in a spoon heroin over a candle, put it in a syringe, but he didn't jab it in his vein. He popped it under the top layer of skin and it would make great big circles, scars, but you have a prolonged heroin ecstatic high. As long as that bubble, it just it just permeates through your circulatory system, but not as big as in the veins. It just is prolonged. What it does is it leaves you looking like the moon. He had pits. He He could not find hardly any square inch of his skin that he had pitted with skin-popping heroin. Well, it didn't just ruin his skin. It ruined this. He couldn't pass the driver's ed test in Philadelphia. Did you know in Philadelphia the driver's ed test is so fast you can answer with a spray paint can? You know, just check off you with their spray paint can like they do all their graffiti with. He was not he was mentally impaired. And he came to Christ through a street evangelist when he was about 19 years old after about seven years of or six years of skin-popping since he was 13. And this man led him to Christ and he said, "There's just one thing that will help you. Start memorizing verses." And this guy says, "I can't even pass the driver's test." He said, "I don't I'm not selling driver's test, but I do know how to heal your mind." And he, this young man started learning a verse each day. He graduated from my alma mater, that's the highest, whom you are. He had an absolute perfect 4.0. He memorized a thousand verses that transformed his mind and he became an inner-city church planter working with heroin addicts and then moved on and now he teaches in a seminary in Romania. God's word renews our minds. God's word can make us reverent. He can make us become serious about God in a world that doesn't even think about God.
Thirdly, God wants us temperate. That means living wisely when everybody around us is foolish. Sound in faith means we have a healthy mind. There are so many of us whose minds have become unhealthy because we've allowed too much to come in, pathogen spiritually, and it's made us not have a healthy, sound doctrine. Sound in love, we stay tender in a cruel world. If you watch television or are online very much, you can see a lifetime of of pain and sorrow almost on a daily basis. You see all the tragedies, all the crashes, all the murders, all the the people that are being exterminated and the genocides. You see all the Arab-Israeli hatred and you see all the lying in politics and everything, and that gradually makes us, well, it makes us like a cow that's been branded. You ever seen a Wild West show where they have a cow and you know John Wayne comes along the circle bar double whatever brand and they heat it in the fire and then they push it against the cow, usually their side, and they make a brand to mark it theirs. I didn't know anything about that until Carl, the guy I told you about, the one with the, took me to Europe, he let me go see his 10,000 acre ranch and his mother took him a Jeep to see their Brahman cows, which are cows this tall, black, sold a lot to Japan, you know, for this high-end beef stuff. And these Brahmans had a great big brand on the side. And she said to me, "You're a preacher, aren't you?" She said, "Yeah." She said, "I'll give you an illustration to use the rest of your life." I said, "Really?" And she was Texan. She wore a big lady's hat and it was held down in the wind by hat pins. Hat pins are about this long that you stick in and it kind of holds your hat in your hair. I hope you don't poke your head. I don't know how they do it 'cause I don't have hair, but you know what I mean. And so she pulled out one of those hat pins. It was this long, about I don't know, three inches long. And she says, "Watch." And she walked up to a 1,700 pound Brahman steer with her hat pin and it was standing this way and she jabbed that pin right in the brand and left it sticking out like a little spear. It didn't feel a thing. It was desensitized where the brand was. That picture is what I see happening through this constant exposure to evil. People are desensitized. They need soundness and love, the Holy Spirit to make us tender in a cruel world. And finally, a godly older man wants to be sound in patience. He wants to finish hopefully. Did you know that many older people get very negative and they go through life unlike blue? They are hopeful. They become hopeless.
Secondly, God's looking for godly older women. The biblical influence. There are five priorities for every older woman. Listen to what they are. "The older woman likewise that they be number one, reverent in behavior." There's that reverent thing again. You see it? Not slanderers. The word slanderers, *diabolos*. They don't ever let the devil take control of their tongue. They do not speak evil of other people. They do not talk in gossipy ways about anyone. They never surrender their tongue to be a tool of the devil. Not given too much wine. If you as a wife were confined to the house to raise screaming children for a man that didn't love you and you all you did is feed him and clean for him and raise them, those women were very much attuned to drinking. And Paul said, "Don't drown your sorrows with alcohol. Don't have your appetites ruling your body." Teachers of good things, that they admonish the young women. You know what an older woman is to be characterized by? Going through life looking for younger women in the faith and teaching them how to follow Christ. Not how to have a good tan, not how to have the nicest complexion, not how to be the most dressed to the nines person, but how to be beautiful in God's sight. That's the high calling. So basically, reverent behavior is living uh in a holy way in an unholy world as a representative of God. In fact, it's my favorite word. Uh, this this word is in Greek *hieropates*. It means a temple example. A woman who is a temple example. And these women were the ones that were all all the Greek temples in the secular world. And they would lead people to the God. And they say, "Follow me. You can go see Apollo. Follow me. You can go see Artemis or Aphrodite." And they were the God representatives. And Paul took that word right out of the Greek language. He said, "Every older woman should live a life that says, 'If you follow me, I'm headed toward God.' Why don't you follow me? We're going toward God." Is that what most people think of Muslim older women? Or do they think that they're the most physically fit or the most dieted or the most makeup or the most fashionable or the most whatever aggressive, whatever? Or do they think of an older woman as a representative of God? God says every older woman should be reverent in behavior, representative of God, not a slanderer, speaking gracefully in a graceless world, not given to much wine, disciplining their appetites in an undisciplined world, teachers of good things, modeling godliness in an ungodly world, that they admonish. That's investing in others in a detached world, a world that has to hire family members. These women say, "You don't have to pay me. I want to become a part of your life. I want to I want to come alongside you, show you how to follow Christ."
Thirdly, Jesus Christ is looking for young women of godliness. And it's interesting, the highest number of qualities uh are right here, the longest list for younger women because they exert so much influence in culture. Young women, especially groups of them, are so, I mean, look at the, you know, the Instagram shapers of uh, the influencers. What are the seven life priorities for a grace-energized younger woman? Here they are, starting in verse four. That they admonish the young women. So this is the this is what every older woman is supposed to be pouring into younger women. Number one, to love their husband. That isn't in any sensible material for any young lady, I don't think I've ever seen that. I I think if you did a Google search, you could find that. Do you know what Paul says? The very first thing an older woman is supposed to teach a younger woman, not last, not in the middle. The first. I mean, a priority usually, if you get anything done, you get the first one done. What is the first lesson God said every younger woman needs to learn from when her is old? When she's young enough to start learning anything, she's supposed to learn about what her gender-specific role in life is. And if she's a woman and she ever gets married, her highest priority is not to her mother, not to her children, and not to her girlfriend, it's to her husband. You know what that word love is? It's interesting. It's not *agape* love. It's the love of friendship. You know what transforms marriages? You want to know what kind of a woman transforms a marriage? A woman who is her husband's very best friend. Now, that's a rarity. You want something rare? Find a woman who has in her mind her goal is to be her husband's very best friend. Now, as a pastor for 40 years, I had the horrible experience of meeting with women whose husbands left them. And and we would sit there to pick up the pieces and I'd meet with them and their children and we'd talk about it and invariably these husbands left their wives for someone far inferior to their wife. If you ever saw the pictures of the men that take up with someone at work, and you will often see if you compare the one they take up with at work and their wife, the wife is a stunning woman, and the woman they take up with usually is not. But you know what the difference is? When the man comes home every day, the wife says, "Have you gotten done all the stuff I told you to get done? You need to spend more time with the children. And also, you know, this is leaking and that's leaking. You ought to go do that and go." But when he gets to work, he walks in and this woman at the counter of his business says, "Hi, sir. Well, you look nice. You're such a sharp fellow. You're a good boss, too. I bet you're an incredible husband. I bet your kids love you. I think you're amazing." Do you know how long a man can put up with, "Have you done your list yet? Go take the trash out. Earn more money. You need to take kids to lessons, you know, whatever." And you are the nicest man in the world. I can't believe how kind you are at work. Men slowly gravitate toward whoever affirms that, even if they're married. Do you know who the biggest affirmer of any husband should be? His closest and dearest friend, his wife. Yet many marriages are like, you wonder why they got married. You wonder how they stay married. Did you know what the lesson is supposed to be? Teach these husbands to these wives to have self-sacrificing love in a selfish world. That's what being best friends with your husband is. You sacrifice being absolutely closest to your mother. The Lord says, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they become one new entity." You know what? Most girls never separate from their mother. Their mother is closer than their husband will ever be. Their their sister is closer than their husband will ever be. That's why their marriages are doomed to never be all God designed them to be. That's supposed to be taught from the youngest ages of a young lady's life. That your first priority is to learn how to be self-sacrificing and how to become the very closest friend of your husband on earth. I bet that's not been taught recently in a lot of places.
Secondly, to love their children. The same thing. To be a nurturing love in a loveless world. Children need someone that that unconditionally loves them. And that's what a mother is. And then this discreet focusing on God in a foolish world. Instead of being, you know, just foolish and and saying, "Well, that's just how kids are." This young woman is trained to be discreet and to be chaste, pursuing modesty in an immodest world. Did you know that God invented clothing? Have you ever thought of that? The designers didn't. Paris didn't. New York's catwalk didn't invent clothing. God invented clothing. And the primary purpose of clothing was to cover. That's no longer the purpose of clothing. The purpose of clothing is to attract and to elicit desire, either to show off my wealth or to show off my figure or to show off whatever, but not to cover. And God says younger women need to be taught that they are to be chaste. They're to pursue modesty because God is the one that matters. Fourthly, to be, I mean, fifthly, to be homemakers, pursuing homemaking in a homeless world. Did you know I love Steve's illustration? We're living in a homeless world with lots of people with houses, but it's not a home. They're not close. They're not drawn. And God says, "I want women, and when they're young, to be taught how to produce a a home that is a magnet that the husband and the children want to come to." And an older woman teaches them how to do that so their children and their husbands don't feel homeless. Good. Pursuing kindness in a harsh world and obedience to their own husbands, pursuing submission in a rebellious world. You know, I have an interesting um challenge in life. My wife is better than me in everything, honestly. I mean, she was on television as an athlete and her her televised things are still in use in New York, I'm sure. She in school won every honor. She wore all these ribbons. You know, when you graduate in America, the smarter you are, the bigger the ribbons and they give you medals and everything. When I graduated, I didn't even get a loan. They almost didn't let me. That is not funny. It's true, though. Uh, Bonnie excels me in every realm, yet she chooses to follow her gender-specific role of supporting me instead of being out front. Did you know God says that a man, whether he wants to or not, is supposed to lead in the home and in the church? Did you know God said that? That's not cultural. That's not Jewish. That's not, you know, ancient. That's not a culture somewhere. That's God's standard. And women are supposed to be taught that. They're supposed to be taught that it's a very rebellious world. And right from the fall in Genesis 3 and 4, it was said that the ungodly would seek to rule over their husband. But God said that's wrong. And a woman needs to be taught that. Not because she's superior. She's actually superior. Women are more spirit-filled than men. Statistically, there are more women missionaries, more women's Christian school teachers, more women everything in the church. There are just more women. I mean, you go to Russia, I don't think any men go to church in Russia. I mean, other than the pastor, there are just more women that are religious and serving. God says, "Guess those who follow a gender-specific role."
Now, young men. And what's interesting is God gives the six priorities for every grace-energized younger man. And this is what he says. Likewise, now notice the next word. It's different than what the older women were supposed to do to the younger women. The older women were to admonish, which means they were to place on their minds the scripture. The older men are supposed to come alongside men. And look at the word that's right there, exhort. You know what that means? If *para-muo* *paro* in this whole family of words means you come close and you encouragingly speak into their heart. It's almost like *parakaleo*. It's almost like the the encouraging Holy Spirit. And what what the scripture said is men are easily discouraged. That's why they're not leaders. One time their wife putting them down and they'll stay up. You know, they're down for the count. If their wife makes fun of their spiritual leadership, they say, "You do it." Makes fun of their reading Bible, kids, you do it. Then makes fun of him leading, you lead. See, that's how men are. And they need to be encouraged. And so it says exhort, come alongside, encourage them, speak into the young men. Number one, to be sober-minded, living a restrained life in a lust-filled world. You, I talk to so many young men and they just tell me, "Oh, if I just get married, I struggle so much. I just get married." He said, "Well, have you ever read what Solomon said? The guy that had a thousand wives." And he said, "The eyes of a man are never satisfied." You know what he wanted? Just one more. He could afford it. You see, God says, "No wife will solve a man's problem." Now, God says it's better to marry than to burn. And I know all the truth. And I know that the the godly marriage, Solomon tells us, and God inspired him to say it, is intoxicating. It means that it's just the best thing there is. But the only way it works is we have to learn that that sexual desire is a river. And as long as it stays in the banks, in between the two banks, the river is not overflowing. It's very beautiful, but there's nothing more destructive than floods. Look at your flood channels around here. Do you see what happens with this rainfall? Just out of the challenge. He just is destructive. That's what sexual desire is. And Paul says the first lesson a young man has to learn is to have a restrained life in a lust-filled world. And then showing yourself to be a pattern. He says you need to follow Christ as as in a crisis world. You you need to be what Jesus said the whole Christian life is, "Follow me." They have to be shown how to be an example of following Christ. And thirdly, in doctrine, showing integrity, believing right that I behave right, and reverence, staying focused on God in a world of distraction. And this next one isn't even in your ESV. It's down in the footnotes, but it's interesting. Jerome thought it was in the Bible back in the second and third century, but it says incorruptible, which is in it's keeping an uncorroded life in a decaying world. Did you know that God wants us not to have those secret sins that eat the life of our spiritual life? That that, you know, Bonnie and I have a home by the ocean uh that we rent and the salt eats up everything. And if you don't keep painting and scraping, the rust just ruins everything. Did you know if we don't keep scraping off the barnacles of sin, our lives corrode? That God says, "I want men who are incorruptible, that are keeping an uncorroded life in a decaying world." And finally, to have sound speech.
And you know what all that is? That's God's recovery program. God took a whole bunch of mixed-up people, a whole bunch of people who thought marriage was women stay home, clean, and take care of the kids. Men go to the gym and the spa and have all their consorts over there. And men come home and they they have no contact with the children or wife. They just support him and have a legal heir and their whole enjoyment is at work and outside of work. And he says, "No, no, those men come into the home and their wife becomes their closest friend." And their their decayed, corroded lives are renewed. God is a God of new beginnings. And God said, "I have a plan for every man, every woman in the church." And God's plan for a life and a marriage and a family that pleases him is that we be sanctified. And so this week and uh we're going to look at tomorrow what a man looks like that pleases God. That's in the morning. Tomorrow night, what a woman looks like that pleases God. Then on Palm Sunday at the uh, yes church, we're going to look at, not at Palm Sunday, but at what does a husband look like that pleases God? And then we're going to conclude with the shortest one, Sunday night. What does a wife look like? And basically, you know what all those sessions say? Sanctified following the recipe, the plan, the the description that God says is marriage and life and home as I desire it to be.
When we had our first child, Johnny, many, many years ago, we were poor. Most newlyweds were poor. And so I couldn't afford a tricycle, that's a three-wheeled little thing for kids to ride on, that was put together because it was much cheaper at the store if you bought it in a box and it wasn't put together. I guess they made it through China, I guess. And it was, you know, assembled or you had to put it together yourself instead of the nice big ones they had put together in the store. So I told Bonnie, "No trouble. We only have enough money for the one in the box. I'll put it together." And so I took it all out of the box. I dunked it out, pushed the instructions off the side. I said, "This is simple." and I put the tricycle together. When I got all done and, you know, you hammer the last piece and lock it together, there were a couple little pieces on the floor and I just pushed them under the couch because I didn't know where those went and they didn't probably weren't important. And so we wrapped it up and Johnny got on his tricycle the very first day and it had a very interesting, there was something wrong and when he pedaled it, the whole thing moved like this. It just, it just, you couldn't get more than about a snail's pace because you couldn't pedal like this. It went through this. That those pieces under the couch did something that, see, I didn't follow the plans. I just did it the way I thought best, quick and for. And when he passed it on to his little sister, it just was awful. Finally, I earned enough money to throw that away and buy one together the right way. Don't go through life your own way. Don't get married your own way and don't try and have a family. Follow God's plan, which is sanctification.
Let's bow a word of prayer and I'll turn it over to Philipp. Father in heaven, thank you that you gave us your plan. Thank you that we don't have to guess. We don't have to wonder. We don't have to say, "Oh, I just wish I knew what God expected of me." We can be useful to you. We can have your blessing. And you told us that how our children turn out, how our marriages turn out, really isn't what you're going to judge us for at the judgment seat. You're going to judge us for whether or not we were obedient to what we were supposed to do. Whether we lived the way you said, whether we related to our wife the way that we said. Whether we raised our children the way that you said, not perfectly, but immediately. I pray that this weekend that we would see family the way you do, that we would see marriage the way you designed it to be. And we would see life that you clearly laid out for us in words that even a poor slave understood and embraced 2,000 years ago. I pray that your Spirit would open our hearts and our minds and that we would surrender our wills to say, "Not my way, but I want your way, Lord." In the precious name of Jesus, we pray. And all God's people said, "Amen."