Transcription
If you've been following our channel for a little while now, you'll know that a remember letter is a very powerful tool to help you really reflect on the true severity of being in a porn addiction. And last week, I was sent a remember letter by someone who was actually quite open with me and said, "Look, you can share this, you know, anonymously on the podcast if you would like to." And I would like to because I think a lot of guys will resonate with it and it will help them know they're not alone. But also see that look, this problem is serious. And even if you've not ended up in as bad a situation as this, just know that this is where porn addiction can lead you.
Like I could have, I probably would have gone down a very similar route to this if I hadn't have met Mary Poris, who taught me the Beyond Compulsion method. Because the truth is, despite going on some fairly long streaks at times, my porn addiction was getting worse and worse and worse. It really was. And I was looking at progressively novel content. I started binging. I started edging and things were getting a whole lot worse in my life. And I didn't really recognize that when I was in the porn addiction. So, it can be very, very valuable to truly take some time to reflect and write down how things have been in your life and how the porn addiction has impacted you because this is exactly what that part of your mind that wants you to wants you to stay stuck, wants to like keep you trapped in this loop. It wants you to avoid this reality. It wants you to get as far away from it as possible. It wants to minimize. It wants to say, "Look, this is fine. Everyone does it. It's normal. There's nothing wrong with you. It's okay. Just keep on doing it." That's where the addictive part of the mind will go. What we want to do is face it very directly and go, "Hang on. This is actually the truth, right? This is my experience with the addiction." So this remember letter is very, very powerful and it touches on some things which I think a lot of guys will have experienced as well. So let's get right into it.
All right. I would never have thought at 13 years old after experiencing the pleasure of my first orgasm that I would spend all of my free time as an adult arranging sexual encounters with transsexuals and crossdressing with escorts. I would never have seen myself giving up my desire to improve as a musician because I was too busy edging for hours as I masturbated late into the night, hopping from one website to the next. A few seconds of euphoria from orgasm, quickly followed by the most horrific feeling in the world. I remember the inability to handle the agony of relapse and the endless withdrawal symptoms resulting in binges that would last days as I kept running away from discomfort. I remember ignorantly spending years unable to connect my porn use with my suffering. I remember the shame as a teen of masturbating to photos on Facebook of the girls in my class at school only to see them the following day and go mute when they tried to talk to me. I remember the missed opportunities to connect with women throughout my life when they showed an interest in me, only for me to screw up by only being interested in sex. The look of disgust as they see me as nothing more than a sex pest. I remember the fear and paranoia of falling victim to sextortion. Terrified that nude photos online. Sorry, terrified that nude photos I had sent on hookup apps would end up viral online if I didn't send scammers extortionate amounts of money. I remember spending all of my savings in a few months on escorts, leaving me in debt. I remember stealing electronic devices from my family to sell in exchange for cash to visit escorts. I remember feeling physically sick after acting out my porn-induced fetishes with escorts, thinking it would be enjoyable, only to be a crying mess, knowing that I had violated my dignity, boundaries, and self-respect. I remember the STI contracted from escorts, the sleepless nights worrying about test results. I remember the emotional instability going from a once bright and happy boy able to make friends and communicate well to a scared little boy trapped in an adult's body. A tidal wave of social anxiety, social awkwardness, and depression became my new normal. My school grades began to fall. Every career endeavor afterwards became unimportant and too overwhelming. I began to isolate 24/7, rejecting all social invitations out of fear of judgment and deep insecurity, simply too afraid to challenge myself or take any risks in life. I remember sitting down for dinner with my family after viewing hours worth of shemale/sissy hypno porn, convinced that they knew, passing people in the street who happened to be smirking, thinking they knew about my secret life. I remember the anger outbursts where I'd say the most vulgar things imaginable to loved ones, causing me to fracture some relationships beyond repair. The rage brought on from my frustration and self-loathing at my inability to stop this behavior. I remember all the justifications I'd used to stop myself ending this behavior, which would result in binges lasting days. I'd come out the other side so depressed that I was sure that the only way out of this hell was death. I remember telling myself that slips and relapses are part of the process and that I can learn from them only to waste years and realize I was still deeply addicted. The last 17 years has been a miserable cycle of mental anguish, loneliness, isolation, and missed opportunities. I have lost so much time and youth. I refuse to let any more of my life slip away. I choose to put this behind me once and for all and have permanent mental freedom.
[Sighs] Wow. It's crazy times, man. Like, I just think all that suffering, it's kind of for nothing in a way. It's like it's due to the misinformation and the inadequate treatment of addiction recovery. And it kind of pisses me off because this guy here who sent me that, I've spoke to him on the phone. He didn't deserve to go through all that freaking [ __ ]. Like it's actually, it leaves me a bit speechless because that that could have been me and it could be millions more men that there's so many people struggling in this way with all this stuff carrying so much shame, feeling like there's something wrong with them, and then getting into stuff that doesn't really help them like self-improvement and programs that say relapse is fine and it's part of recovery and that and that porn's normal. Oh yeah, how about that one? Yeah. Well, this is where porn can lead people, right?
So, yeah, I'm gonna wrap it up here. I think if you've experienced some of these consequences similar to this client, um, actually he's not a client right now, but he said he'd want to join the program in a few months. But if you've experienced similar consequences, I would love for you to comment and share them. Um, I know that may be hard, but I think the guy who sent me this would maybe benefit from knowing he's not alone. Um, but also if you are going to do that, please know that this is the problem because I don't want people in the comments going, "Oh, this is fine and acting as if all this stuff being in a porn addiction is all right." Because that's just coming from the addicted part of the mind. And it's [ __ ]. Because I've read letters just like this from countless men now. And I see this problem with porn addiction as probably the biggest plague on society. And it is awful. It's destroying people's lives. It's taking away their freedom. It's destroying their peace of mind and their opportunity to have real connections with people. Destroying family relationships. It is awful. It is absolutely terrible. And I'm sick of all the people on the internet saying that it's fine and that oh, you can just go watch porn because there's a lot of people struggling with this. And I was one of those guys for 10 years. And the problem can just get worse and worse and worse. And if it's not dealt with correctly, it probably will get worse. All right, take this [ __ ] seriously. Um, hopefully it never gets as bad as it has done for this guy, for you. Um, but it can go there. The deeper you go into this stuff, the worse it gets.
All right, [sighs] thank you for listening. Um, hopefully this has helped someone in some way. Cheers, guys. Uh, thank you massively to this guy who sent this as well. I do believe this will help a few people. Um, so yeah, I appreciate the openness and we'll see you in the next podcast. Bye-bye.