Transcription
Module Two: Overcoming Approach Anxiety
We are going to kill this [ __ ] once and for all. All right, no more being worried. No more being in your head. No more being scared when you see that gorgeous girl with the big jugs and the itty waist. We are going to get rid of all of that right here in this module. I'm going to give you some of the best techniques that guys in my VIP program have paid me thousands, not hundreds, thousands of dollars to learn. And I'm going to share with you right here so you can get started and stop making excuses.
All right, now the first way to overcome approach anxiety is what I call your Batman openers. And the reason I call them the Batman openers is because Batman has the greatest superpower of any comic book comic book hero ever in existence. I know you're thinking, he's rich or he doesn't have any powers. No, he does. He has the power of always being prepared. You can't beat someone that's always prepared. It's, it's honestly ridiculous. Whatever happens, Batman has foreseen it. He's prepared for it. He's ready. And if you can adopt that mentality of extreme preparedness, you will have that confidence. You will eliminate the anxiety. And it starts with the very first thing you say. It starts with your openers.
So, we also call them like training wheels or whatever. But when you first start this journey of going out and approaching, you need to have what you said are about to say geared up ahead of time. And you go, "Book Jared, I want to be natural and I wanted to flow and I wanted to fit the situation," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yes, I promise you, we are going to cover techniques on how to do that as well. But let's just get started. Let's have you prepped so I can take out that excuse that I know you keep making. Your friend's like, "Go talk to that girl," and you go, "I don't know what to say." So let's give you what to say verbatim. Take these lines and enjoy.
Number one: "Hey, I don't believe I met you yet. I'm Jared." Just introduce yourself. It is simple. It is easy. It works in pretty much any environment you can think of. "Hey, I don't believe I met you yet. I'm Jared." And there's a small extra little reason I like it. I don't want to overthink this, but it implies some status. It implies that you're the guy that kind of knows everyone around here, that you're kind of a local celebrity because I should know everybody. I, it's funny, I haven't met you yet, right? So that's one opener. Really, really easy.
Second opener you can use in almost any situation is, "Oh my God, I was going to wear the exact same dress or exact same outfit. How embarrassing would that have been?" The second opener you're going to use, you can pretty much use in any situation is, "Oh my God, I was going to wear the exact same dress. How embarrassing would that have been?" Or it could be skirt, outfit. I mean, whatever it is. That's going to get a laugh. It's going to make it playful. Again, you can use it daytime, nighttime. It really doesn't matter.
All right, and the third one I want you to use, and this actually comes from one of our coaches, Cosmo, which I love, is, "Hey, it seems like you've got really great energy. I just had to come over and say hi." Or you can reverse it like, "Hey, I just had to come over and say hi because it seems that's important." You emphasize "seems." "It seems like you've got this really great energy." It's a great compliment that feels specific to her. Come on, this really, can we get the dogs out or just put them in the Aros? It's gonna keep doing stuff. Okay. Um, I just start with three.
And number three, and this comes from one of the coaches here, Mon Success, Cosmo, and that is, "Hey, I just had to come over and introduce myself. It seems like you've got really great energy." And you're going to emphasize that "seems" because you're not sure just yet, right? I, I love for whatever reason, when I first go and approach a girl, giving her that like suspicious look, like I'm not too sure about you just yet, because it's very opposite what most guys do, which is like the Bambi eyes, like, "Oh my God, you're so gorgeous. I had to come say hi." You're actually showing like, "I'm having fun with you. I'm going to approach you, but I'm not sold just yet." And that's a, just a good way of approaching in general, that kind of like suspicious look. I'm not too sure. Either way, use any of these three openers. Stop making excuses.
"Book Jared, that's not me," or "Big Jared, I don't know, would it work in this?" Try it. See it fail or succeed. And actually get the data for yourself. I don't want you to have an opinion until you've done each opener at least 10 times. And you can see for yourself what works. And keep in mind, the opener is not meant to to create some amazing attraction or anything like that. It's just meant to get the conversation started. But the point of this, these Batman openers, is you've got three perfectly good openers that work in any scenario. So we're getting rid of that excuse of, "Well, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to get that approach started." You're going to try it. You're going to see it for yourself. And then I want you to form an opinion.
Okay, now the problem is, you know what to say. So we're not worried about that. But damn, you're in your head. You've been working all day. You've been grinding away. You're, you haven't been talking to anybody. And you see that girl and you're just, your chest is pumping and you're just really scared. You don't know what to do. Listen, it's not your fault. It is really hard to just kind of switch modes like that. Like it's going from first gear to sixth gear. So instead, you need to develop a warm-up ritual before you go out.
I want you to, it starts, I think, with me at least, it starts with going in the shower. You're going to blast music. Um, I like funny music. Maybe you want rap, some gangster stuff, whatever it is that gets you in a good mood. You're going to start blasting music, sing along to it, be stupid, be silly. You're going to dress in a way that makes you feel really cool, makes you feel sexy, something that makes you feel really good about yourself every time you leave the house. All right. As you go and do it, you're going to get a smile on your face. You're going to dance around. You're going to call your best friend and talk to him. You are going to get into this mindset of being social, of being playful, of getting away from work mode and running the business. And instead, you're going to get into the mode of, "I'm here to have fun." Again, "I'm here to enjoy recess." Remember recess, right? Like when you were a kid and you were just in school all day doing assignments and stuff, the teacher said you didn't go to recess. And go, "Man, I'm really, my head, I don't know what game to play. I'm so stressed out," or whatever. Because you're a kid. We need to bring that back.
When you're out and you're socializing and you're meeting women, daytime, nighttime, it needs to be fun. And you have to warm up and have that ritual to get you into that, uh, process. Body language, open your arms up, your chest up, smile more. Train your brain to start being more positive, more fun, more playful before you even leave the house. And then when you do leave the house, you now need to get started immediately.
So as soon as you leave and you walk into, let's say, the bar, your favorite bar, your club, wherever it is, most guys will not do what I call the Band-Aid approach. All right, the Band-Aid approach means the moment you walk in, you see any girl. I don't care if she's a big chunker, I don't care if she's old, I don't care if she's whatever, okay? What I care about is that she is a female. Whether she's with guys, other girls, big, by the way, get, get comfortable approaching big groups of women. All right. If a girl's, especially an attracted girl, is by herself, she's either a unicorn, she's crazy, or she's an escort. So it doesn't really happen. You got, got to get comfortable approaching groups of people. But the point is, with the Band-Aid approach, you walk in, you've done your ritual, you're feeling good, you're going to approach the very first girl you see to rip off that Band-Aid. Because if you don't, you're going to do what you've always done and what most guys do.
You walk in and you're like, "Well, I gotta, I got to have a drink in my hand. I can't approach without a drink in my hand." So I'm going to go to the bar. And that's going to take forever and minutes. And I got to buy the drink. Now I've got the drink. Now I got to walk around the bar and scope it out because, you know, I got to see the talent and what's here. Now that I've walked around, you know what? I got to use the bathroom. So I'm going to wait in the bathroom line and just go to the bathroom real quick. Then I come out. But you know what? I got to check to see if my buddy's able to come out because it'd be nice if I had a wingman. So let me call my wingman friend and hit him up, right? And now, you know what? It's kind of changed. A lot more people. Let me do another [ __ ] lap. And now my drinks gone. So let me get another. It'll be an hour goes by and you haven't talked to anyone. You've done no approaches. And all you've done is build momentum for building up your approach anxiety, not overcoming it. You're always either building your anxiety or you're destroying it. From the moment you walk in and start things going.
So what I want you to do is stop thinking every girl you talk to needs to become your new girlfriend or you need to sleep with or you need to go on a date with. No, you're just being social. You can walk up to any girl and give a compliment. Be like, "Wow, love those shoes. Your eyebrows are on point. Oh my God. All right, you've got the best hair here. I'm, I'm, I'm honestly, like, you're looking too good to be they're going to kick you out with this kind of outfit. It's too good." Never compliment her, by the way, on her beauty or some physical thing. Always something she's worked for. Always something you notice about her or just her vibe in general. Like we said earlier, your energy or whatever. The point is, get rid of that ego, like we talked about before. Approach the first girl you see and get the ball rolling. Because that's what's going to stop the anxiety from creeping up. If you let it go too long, it just gets hard and hard.
Like, "Book Jared, I got to give myself in the right headspace." That's what the warm-up ritual is for. That's to get you in the right headspace. Once it's, once you're there, it's go time. Think of it like being in a fight. If someone's attacking you and throwing punches, you don't get to just kind of like, "Hold on, I got to get in the right headspace to fight back." You fight back. You go. When you walk in, it's go time. Rip off the Band-Aid.
Now, to take this one step further, to make sure the momentum is going the right way and we're actually overcoming the approach anxiety, you're going to do what's called the Ping Pong approach. This means as soon as you're done talking with whatever girl you're interacting with, you're now going to only have 30 seconds to approach the next group of women or women and guys, whatever, that you see. All right, 30 seconds. So you walk up to the girl. It maybe it lasts, maybe you get rejected immediately, it lasts a second. Maybe you talk to her for 30 minutes and it goes pretty well. Whatever happens, as soon as it ends, you're going to count in your head, 30, 29, 28, 27. And God help you if you are not talking to another a girl before you get to zero. You have to commit. You have to go and talk to a girl before you get to zero.
And if you actually mutter to yourself or like actually think to yourself the the timer, it does another cool thing. It stops all these intrusive thoughts. It stops the self-doubt because all you can think about is the number. Right? If you're like, 28, 27, 26, 25, 15, 14, 13, you can't really think of all these. You're just like, "I got to go. I got to go." You become like, "I, I got to approach next. I got to approach the next one." If you do this five times, the Ping Pong approach, you're going to be in state. What we call being in state. You're not going to feel anxiety. If you do the Band-Aid approach and Ping Pong after warming up, there's no [ __ ] way you're going to be in your head and worrying about what to say and feeling a lot of anxiety. You're going to be in state.
And the reason is, state equals one core thing. All right. And by the way, state means, um, being in the zone, feeling crazy confident, feeling you can do no wrong, you're just like in god mode. Right? What is state equal? State equals talking. Most people when they go out, they're trying to chase state, whether it's with alcohol, whether it's with drugs, whether it's with just, um, I don't know, they're just trying to get in their head, they're trying to meditate, they're trying to chase state the wrong way. It's a very simple formula. State equals talking. The more you talk, the more in state and out of your head you're going to be. Because if you're out of your head, you can't experience approach anxiety. You're out here, you're worried, you're talking with people, you're analyzing things, you're seeing things, you're, um, acting in real time. You're acting and reacting. You don't have the time to feel anxious and worried about the future because you're so locked in on the present because you're speaking.
Well, how do we get you speaking? At least not like a crazy person, just talking to yourself. We get it through the Ping Pong approach. We get it from going up to again and again, girl after girl, because you've warmed up properly, you've ripped the Band-Aid off, and you have your openers. You know exactly what to say. So that's been one of my core methods. And by the way, this took me years to kind of like put together the right way, like three or four years. But that has always served me so well to just get out and get started. Even now, at my level, I kind of go back to this, like just the fundamentals of getting a ritual, getting going, so you're not stuck in your head, you're not worried about every little thing you're saying. It has been a lifesaver.
And the, the last two things I want to go over are kind of the scientific, uh, proven methodologies that's going to help build up your anxiety or eliminate your anxiety over the long term. There's two types and ways. I don't want to get too nerdy with it, but if you look in behavior and social psychology, there's two things called systematic desensitization and flooding. Okay? So flooding is essentially like, if you have a fear of spiders, this sounds up, but they would just fill up a bathtub full of spiders, throw you in the bathtub, hold you in there until you stop freaking out. They're just like, "All right, you good now?" You're calm. Like, "All right, yeah, I'm good now." They take you out. There you go. You're not scared of spiders anymore. And we can do the same thing when it comes to women with what I call the Cannonball approach.
The Cannonball approach is like, look, once you've done the Ping Pong, if you're still like, "Ah, I still got some anxiety. I'm still whatever. I'm not in the, I'm not in the best state I want to really hammer it in." You do the Cannonball approach. Look for the hardest, most difficult woman approach. Maybe she's the hottest girl we've ever seen. Maybe she's just really in a weird position, like she's off in a corner and it doesn't make any sense to go up and talk to her because she's weirdly located. Maybe, and I've done this before, there's one girl surrounded by six guys and you're like, "How the hell am I going to talk to this girl? She's surrounded by a million dudes." Right? It, whatever the scariest approach is, that's the Cannonball. Because once you go ahead and you rip that Band-Aid off and you do that approach, every other approach, it seems easy now by comparison. You're like, "Well, if I can do even if you get rejected, it doesn't, it doesn't matter if you get a number or a date or anything." Because even if you just go and do it, what's going to compete? What's going to be scarier? How can you be worried about it from there? So that's the Cannonball approach.
The other one, and this is just more over time, is systematic desensitization. Meaning you do a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. And these are for guys, and you know, maybe you're one of them, where you're like, "Look, this sounds great, but in what world could I just walk up to a girl and say any one of the Batman openers? Like, it's just so far outside of my reality. I would have a complete and utter panic attack." And Jared, you understand how bad it is. Okay, I got your back. The systematic desensitization approach is to start with what you can. For some of you, it might mean walking into the bar and just making eye contact. And that's it. Maybe not even approaching. You're just making eye contact and nodding. And then the next time you go, you walk in, you make eye contact, you have a drink, you cheer, "Hey man, cheers." "Hey, cheers." Then let's actually use some more words. Maybe you go up to someone, you go, "Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?" "Can you point me where the bathroom is?" "Thank you." Go to the next person. "Hey, do you know where the bathroom?" The point is, every time it gets a little bit longer, a little bit better, a little, we're adding a little bit more. Maybe now you add, add in and say, "Hey, I just want to introduce myself. I'm Jared." And then you leave. And you go away. That's for guys who have real heavy anxiety for it. Because you have to start somewhere. You have to start somewhere. And yes, we talked about visualization, and it's great, but it's not enough. You do need the real world experience.
For the more advanced guys going, "Well, how does this help me?" Systematic desensitization, there's something called working the room. And this is only for the guys who are first been able to master this and stay in and do approaches properly. But once you've got a little bit more advanced, you can use systematic desensitization to kind of work the room by going up and being like, "Hey, you got the number one eyebrows here. Love the shoes. Outfit, whatever. I'm Jared, by the way. What was your name?" "Oh, Sarah." "Wait, is that Sarah with an H or with an A at the end?" "Oh, an H." "I, I hate the ones with the A's on end. They're the worst." "Sas." Anyway, I gotta get, I got to go to the bathroom. I got to meet up some friends. It was great meeting you, though. Have fun. Enjoy. Enjoy your drink." Like that's it. Just a simple opener, observation thing, name exchange, and now I got to bounce. I got to go do something. Right? By the way, right when she thinks you're about to hit on her and she goes, "Okay, clearly this guy's approaching me," and then you bounce.
The cool thing about this is something called a mere exposure effect. You get to go and approach and talk with everyone. You leave, you work the room, and then you know which girls are receptive, which ones are good. You can approach them again for real. And because you were already there and had that initial interaction, you don't feel like a stranger. And it makes it feel more natural. It allows for rapport to build at a lot faster rate. For guys, though, that are just scared, what's going to happen is you're going to work the room and you're never going to actually approach for real. Um, so I've seen that happen a bunch. So that's why that specific technique, I only want you doing once you've mastered the other ones first. Maybe not the Cannonball, but the other ones first, where you're approaching and you're staying in there as long as you can and you're just taking it in. Because remember, we're not worried about rejection, right? We're killing that ego. We're allowing rejection and we're trying to see what works and what doesn't. And we're not allowing a woman's validation to affect us. That's got to be your, your precedent. Okay. But as we, you do get better and as you can do longer and longer interactions and now you want to take things to another level, this is also a good viable strategy.