Transcription
Have you ever met a woman on a date, for example, in a romantic situation, and things go a lot better than anything you could have imagined? And shortly after that first date or that second date, and things get really intimate and sexy and all that stuff, she's telling you just how great you are, how fit you are, how smart you are, how good-looking you are. And there's a part of you that wants to say, "I'm glad I finally met the right person." And there's another part of you that's saying, "I don't, I'm not buying it." There's this little voice inside you that's going, "Really? Really?" Like, "I'm, I'm good, but I don't know if I'm really all that." You know what I mean? Cuz she's selling you like you are the best thing since sliced bread. Like you are just everything that she ever wanted in a man. And it can throw you off a little bit because that's all the information. That's all the things you've, you've always wanted to hear, but there's a little part of you that's like, "I'm not so sure that's true."
Today, I want to talk a little bit about lovebombing and narcissism and how, as men, we are really susceptible to falling into these traps. Narcissists can be extremely manipulative, and they know exactly what they're after. And if you don't have your radar up, it's really easy to fall for a narcissist. So, let's talk about it. When you think about the word narcissism, the first things that come to mind are all the negative qualities associated with them. You know, the manipulation, the self-centeredness, the, you know, the, the bitchiness, all that stuff. But the truth of the matter is they're very charismatic and engaging when you meet them. Um, they bring a lot of personality, and it's very easy to be strongly attracted to someone who has narcissism. Um, it's, or even just narcissistic characteristics. I won't even get into the pathological aspects of the disease, but someone who has strong narcissistic qualities can be extremely charismatic, very easy to fall in love with someone like this.
And when she sees you as, uh, someone who's extremely attractive and she starts lovebombing you with all these compliments and telling you how great you are and how sexy you are and all that stuff and how great your, your member is and how you're just so good in bed and how you just get it all. It's like, "Ooo, wow." This is, I mean, it, it feels good. I mean, you really feel good. And not only that, but they're going to give you everything you want in a bedroom. I mean, you're going to get it all, and it's going to feel really, really good. And frequently, narcissists are really attractive. So, you've got this really beautiful girl who's really good in bed who thinks you're the best thing since whatever, since light bread, and she all she wants to do is have sex all day long. You're like, "Man, I have struck the lottery here. This is like the best thing that ever happened." You think you got to pinch yourself to make sure you're not dreaming because this is just unreal. And the truth of the matter is it is unreal. This is all a part of the manipulation. You get sucked in so hard, so strong, so deeply that you lose sight of what's really going on. You start to buy what she's selling. You start to believe your, your clippings, your press clippings, you know, and all the great things that she's saying about you. It all starts to go to your head. Oh, but that's just phase one. That is just phase one. Because phase two, things get dark.
What's interesting is that today narcissism is becoming more and more common, and we're seeing it, at least the narcissistic behavior is more common in women these days than ever before. It used to be primarily a man's disease because it was based around power and manipulation like in business and, and um, you know, male hierarchies and all that kind of stuff. But now with the advent of monetization of your appearance and the objectification of yourself for your own benefit, narcissism kind of falls right into that really, really well. And I think that the Kardashians and the social media surge that we've seen over the last 20 years are really responsible for it. The Kardashians were the first women who really objectified themselves sexually and then monetized it in a, on a mass scale. You know, they really took it to a whole another level. And what's interesting is that feminism supported them. Like normally, like back in the 70s and 80s, feminists were really against any kind of pornography, any kind of objectification of women. But when the Kardashians came along with their brand and they sold themselves as these sexual objects with these really weird bodies, I mean, really, let's get down to it. I mean, I know that some black guys love that, but that just never appealed to me. I don't know what's going on back there with that back end. And, you know, these girls are not really all that hot. I mean, I think that Kim may be a little bit, but the rest of them are kind of, really do a, they do a good job of pulling themselves together, if you know what I mean. But they are, um, projecting out into the world this sexuality and this confidence and this ability to brand and objectify their bodies and their faces and their personalities to some degree, um, for the purposes of monetization, to, to, to make money. And this has inspired an entire generation of young women to do exactly the same thing. And with that has come this level of faux confidence that really comes off as narcissism that is toxic and it undermines relationships and undermines, I would say, our entire society on some level. And it un, it even undermines feminism. I would suggest that, um, the idea that these kinds of behaviors are empowering for women is sick and twisted. It's not a, an empowering thing to sell your sexuality, um, or to, uh, objectify yourself in that kind of a mass way for the sake of making money. Now, God bless them that they did make a ton of money on it, and God bless them. Their mom is like the pimp of all time. I mean, she sells them like no one else could. But I think it's just sick and wrong. That's my personal opinion.
So, this has been going on for a couple of decades now. And that means that a lot of these young girls, you know, 20 years ago that started with this are starting to grow up, and they're now in their 30s and 40s. And if you have the misfortune of coming across one of these women who has this narcissistic approach and sees themselves objectifying their appearances for their own benefit in the same way that the Kardashians have. Maybe not necessarily to monetize that in a direct way like on social media or on TV, but to monetize it in a way that they are going to capture a man and to, uh, manipulate a man into a relationship so that they can, uh, avail themselves of his resources and financially exploit him to some degree, then you're going to get sucked in and trapped because what I just described earlier about how wonderful the sex is going to be and how she's going to love bomb you and how it's going to be so wonderful. That's going to happen, and you're going to think that you have struck gold. But the truth of the matter is you have not struck gold because the dark side of this gets really, really dark. Um, once they think they have you, once they, they know you, they're going to try to use different tactics to, u, manipulate you and control you. And one way they do that is by expressing very strong emotions and anger or, um, upset to get you to, uh, react. So after the love bombing and the, the, um, putting their hooks in and the sexualization and you're just, you're just all in. It's just all about, "I love you. I love you. I love you." Now she's going to be dissatisfied with something that you're doing. She's not going to be happy with the way you're behaving. And she's going to use the leverage that she has created by establishing this relationship with you to get you to change your behaviors and to act in ways to make her happy. So now she's going to start pulling the strings to get you to give her money, to get you to act in different ways, to support her, to, to, um, grant her privileges that you would not normally grant, to tear down the barriers or the boundaries that you would set up under a normal circumstances in order to give her special access. She is going to slowly but surely begin to control your entire life through her emotional reactions and then your reaction to her reactions. And this gets really, really dark and ugly because I've seen guys get to a place where they are just pouring money into a relationship, into a woman that is treating them objectively like, and I ask, "What the hell are you doing? Why are you loving on this woman so much?" And he says, "Oh my god, I just love her. She just loves me. We're this is, she's just got quirky." It's like, "No, no, no. That's not quirky. That's like, that's like pathological. Pathological and quirky are not the same. They are not the same, and you can't allow yourself to fall into that trap or you got to have a sense of awareness of it.
So when you find yourself in a relationship with a woman who's extremely attractive and she is hitting you with all these compliments and telling you how terrific you are and how much she loves you, you need to put up a red flag. You need to understand that there may be not, it's not, it's not always the case. I mean, you might be totally legit. She might be a great girl. She might really just be your soulmate, but there's a much higher chance that she is a narcissist and that she's manipulating you and she's trying to get control of your life. And she will do it because she understands the way men work. She understands what our vulnerabilities are. She understands the way we are with our loneliness and sexuality and all that stuff. And she understands how to, uh, manipulate us and control us because she's done it before. You will not be her first rodeo. Trust me. So, here are some of the signs that you can watch for. So, lots of women post on Instagram. And so, someone who posts on Instagram is not a dead giveaway for a narcissist. But when you find someone who is constantly seeking external validation, that's probably a red flag. Now, I know a lot of women do that, and that's a common characteristic in women these days, but it will become obsessive. It'll become to the point where they are, um, overshadowing people in other ways. Like if you're at a social gathering, a dinner party, that sort of thing. You know, she will just be, um, overpowering the entire conversation. She will become the center of attention for everyone, and she will almost demand it to the point of being rude in her conversation with other people. She will be, um, seeking validation from you constantly, constantly getting you to agree with whatever she's saying, trying to get you to, um, see her perspective on all things. And she will be completely unaccepting of any sort of criticism under any circumstances ever. Now, I know a lot of these things sound like just normal women. I know a lot of it does, but you'll see it when you, when you know it, you'll see it. When you see it, you'll know it. They, um, they take it to a whole another level. It's like, it's like a woman to the extreme. You know what I mean? Man, her bugs are starting to come out, and I forgot to put my spray on today. Damn it. I guess what I'm saying is that women can sometimes seem annoying with their behaviors. Narcissists are consistent. They are consistently annoying. It goes beyond just the one-off, um, seek for, you know, validation. It's something that's continuous. It's a pattern. It's something that you're going to observe and you're going to say, "This is really, uh, unnatural and unhealthy." The need for that constant adoration and, um, combining that with this, uh, emotional outbreak, you know, breakout of, of, um, manipulation where she's trying to get you to act in certain ways. And if you're not in agreement with her in anything or you disrupt her peace in any way, shape, or form, her reaction to you is going to be extreme. It's not going to be, um, a normal healthy reaction. She's going to blow up at you. She's going to, uh, use her relationship with you as a way to control you. And that's the, the, the, um, toxic part of this. So, be very, very cautious when you're out there and you're dating women that are extremely attractive and they are coming on strong. Just know that there's a really good chance that you're dealing with someone who has a, a pathological problem.
The sad thing about narcissists is they're going to be getting all of their self-value from, um, their appearances. And unfortunately, appearances are only good for a while, especially in women. You know, once you get past age 40, maybe 45, those appearances really start to fade. And as they do, their self-v, value starts to fade as well. So, it's really kind of sad and pathetic in a way, and I can't imagine what it would be like to be with one, especially going through that process of losing value in their appearance and then losing their self-value. So, as a man, you've got to make sure that you're putting your values in the right place. You've got to be looking at character. You know, if you're just looking at appearances, you're going to end up going down the wrong path. One of my clients recently, um, was talking to me about his girlfriend, and he showed me a picture of her, and this woman looked like she was out of a cartoon. She had the largest breast I've ever seen on a woman and the biggest butt I've ever seen on a woman. She looked like something out of Barbarella the comic book. This guy was good-looking. He's wealthy. He's financially, you know, doing great. He's a great businessman. and he fell for this girl because she met all these criteria. Now, this is the same kind of guy. Now, he's had some fancy cars. He's got, he's had a Ferrari, a Maserati, I think, maybe even a Lamborghini. So, he's had some really fancy cars. And I think that what he's doing is he's trying to tell the world that he's made it. Like, he's a successful guy. He's worked hard and he's successful, and he's trying to enjoy the, um, trappings that come with that success. And God, everyone deserves that opportunity to do that in whatever way that you want. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem when it comes to people though, when it comes to women in particular, is you can't use a woman as the same way you would use a car. You know, a car can say a lot about you, and you can, um, enjoy that because the car is an inanimate object. The problem with a woman is that she is going to drive you. See, when you're driving the car, you're in control. You decide where the car goes, how fast it goes, where you're going to park it. All of that. You put it in your garage. When you don't, that you sell it, you're done. With a woman, yeah, especially a narcissist, she may look good on the front, on the surface, and she may put her hooks into you, and next thing you know, you're emotionally attached to her, and now you are in for the ride of your life, and you're not driving anymore. So, please be cautious as you approach these extremely attractive women when they come on strong to you because there's a really good chance that you are setting yourself up for a really rough time.
All right, you guys. That's all I got for you today. I certainly hope you've enjoyed the video. If you have, please like and subscribe. If you know someone who might be with a narcissist, please pass this along to them. Hopefully, it'll, it'll help them see her for who she really is. In the meantime, stay healthy, and if you can, stay single.