فن الخصام - الحلقة 4

[Music] Al-Tabarani narrated that there was something between Khalid and Sa'd. Khalid ibn al-Walid and Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas, may Allah be pleased with them both, had a disagreement. A man went to speak ill of Khalid to Sa'd, meaning he was speaking about Khalid in front of Sa'd because he knew there was something between them. Sa'd, may Allah be pleased with him, said to this man, "Be quiet." He said to him, "What is between us has not reached the level of our religion." Be quiet, our master Sa'd, with the success of Allah Almighty. This person who came to speak ill of Khalid in front of him, even though there was something between them, he made it clear to him. He said to him, "What is between us has not reached the level of our religion." This means that if we disagree on things, this matter should not lead me to fall into sins. If I had a dispute with him, I would not listen to your backbiting. I would not mention anything about him that is not true. And this is how a Muslim should be. He should be mindful that if there is any dispute between him and his Muslim brother, he should not let it lead him to fall into sins. And among this is what happens between spouses. And from Sahl ibn Sa'd, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said that the most beloved name to Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, was Abu Turab, even though it was not appropriate to be called by it. And the one who named him this was the Prophet, peace be upon him. And the story of this naming is that Ali was angry one day with Fatima. Something happened between him and Fatima. He became angry and Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, left angry. Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her, and what do you know of Fatima in relation to the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him. The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, came to her house and did not find Ali. When he asked her about him, she said, "Something happened between me and him, and he left me." So he went out. The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said to someone, "Look where he is." He did not say to her, "Come with me, your family's home is open to you." Does he not know who you are married to? You are not cheap to us. He only sent a person to look for Ali. The man came and said, "O Messenger of Allah, he is in the mosque, sleeping." So the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, went to him. Ali was lying on his side in the mosque, his garment had fallen from his side, and dust had fallen on him. So the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, began to wipe the dust from him, saying, "Get up, Abu Turab." Even people of virtue may have problems between them, and anger is something in human nature. But how do you act when you are angry? You should be very cautious because Satan looks at your anger as an opportunity for him to make you fall into what is not beneficial for you. So you must be cautious. Have you noticed how sometimes you find anger intensifying, increasing, and escalating within you until a word comes out of you that breaks a heart or destroys a home? A word after which things will never be the same. And as soon as you say this word, your anger fades and the rush of blood disappears, because then Satan has made you fall into what he wants. So look at the wisdom derived from the hadith of the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, in dealing with such a situation, where he said, "If one of you becomes angry, let him be silent." If one of you becomes angry, let him be silent. This is a door to Satan, who waits for a person's anger to make him fall into destruction. From here, scholars said that it is possible that the reason Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, went out was that he feared that something unbecoming might come from him in his anger, which he should not say or do to Lady Fatima, may Allah be pleased with them both. So he went out and avoided speaking until the fury of anger subsided from both of them, for the fury of anger can lead to undesirable consequences. Therefore, the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, also advised seeking refuge from Satan when angry, as this helps to ward him off. It is narrated from some of the companions that he was sitting with the Prophet, peace be upon him, and two men were arguing, one cursing the other. One of them had a red face and his veins were bulging. The veins are the vessels around the neck. The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, "I know a word that if he said it, what he feels would go away. If he said, 'I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan,' what he feels would go away." And among what the Prophet, peace be upon him, advised to do when one is angry is to perform ablution, for ablution has a clear effect in calming anger. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Anger is from Satan, and Satan was created from fire, and fire is extinguished by water. So if one of you becomes angry, let him perform ablution." Yes, what you feel initially from anger may not be your choice. You did not ask to feel the rush of blood, nor do you want this. But it is in your nature. You are a quick-tempered person. But how do you act when you are angry? What do you say and what do you do? Do not be among those who say, "I am a very good, generous, and kind person, but do not make me angry. Do not provoke me, or else when I am angry, I do not know anyone. I will be as you want and as you like to see me as long as I am not angry. But if I get angry, you will see what you do not like." Do not be like one who is described as "How good he is when he is calm, but when he gets angry, he becomes as if he is blind." Only when he is angry. This is like saying, "I only fail when I am tested," or "I only let you down when you need me." Allah Almighty said, "And when they are angry, they forgive." He praised them for forgiving and pardoning when they were angry, even though they were angry. And Allah Almighty said, "And those who restrain anger, and are forgiving of people. And Allah loves the doers of good." What angered them happened, so they restrained their anger, and they are forgiving of people, forgiving those who wronged them. Wrongdoing occurred, and yet it was met with forgiveness. Allah Almighty praised these people. Yes, this does not contradict the necessity of enjoining good and forbidding evil. Yes, we explain to the wrongdoer his mistake and do not let him persist, but with wisdom. But if one of the spouses gets angry, and the other gets angry because of his anger, then they should see if the matters can be resolved. It is narrated from Abu Al-Darda' that he said to his wife, "If you see me angry, you appease me, and if I see you angry, I appease you, otherwise we will not be companions." And Allah Almighty said, "Repel evil with that which is better." Repel evil with that which is better. And suddenly, he between whom and you is enmity will become as though he were a devoted friend. If an enemy becomes like a close friend, if you repel with that which is better, as if by being kind to him, he becomes a close friend. How about the spouse, who should be one of the closest people to you? And the Prophet, peace be upon him, strongly condemned the one who, when he disputes, acts unjustly. The one whose dispute leads him to deviate from the truth, to speak falsehood and lies. Rather, he considered this among the characteristics of a hypocrite. If you dispute, you are not allowed to act unjustly. And do not tell me, "Remember what Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, did." I see and respect that, but his wife Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her, if my wife were like Fatima, the situation would be very different. Do not use this method, for your wife may then use the same method and say, "If my husband were like Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, you would only find me at his feet." And so on. This will not solve the problem, but rather we have moved on to exchanging accusations. Rather, follow the example of the righteous, my brother, even if you are not among them and your wife is not among them. And you too, my sister, for this is the path to salvation. May Allah rectify our conditions. And praise be to Allah, and may Allah Almighty send His prayers and peace upon His Messenger. Ramadan is the opportunity of a lifetime, and a light in the expanse of time, and it flows like the gentleness of a river. In it is the Night of Decree, illuminating our evenings, and rather it erases our sorrows, and flows in our eyes, and from it is the splendor of dawn.