Transcription
I get a lot of email queries regarding Spiritual Awakening, and one of the main themes of these emails is, "I don't find any motivation to do anything after this realization has happened." I can understand the plight of a spiritual seeker where this has happened because a glimpse into the truth reveals the empty nature of everything. It shows that everything is empty, and in our daily living, there comes a phase after awakening where one feels that nothing actually interests one.
So, before awakening, we could enjoy hobbies like painting, dancing, music, socializing, but after awakening, these things do not make any sense. The question comes up like, "Why am I even bothered? What is the point of doing all of this?" That, I would say, is the last phase of the ego normalizing itself. Because before awakening, the sense of separate identification is quite high because one is constantly caught up with the mind, and the mind, as we know, is polaric. So, we are told a lot of things like, "If you are unhappy, find a hobby. Do some art and craft. If you feel depressed, take a walk in the park, or do meditation, or do yoga." And while all these pointers, all these practices are quite helpful, and people say them with good intentions to help them, and they do help a lot, but the fundamental pain is never gone because the sense of separateness is high.
But when the awakening happens, there is a dent in the structure of the persona. Awakening is a glimpse into the truth, and that glimpse happens through a hole in the structure, in the personal structure of the personality. So, personality now does not seem all that real. Roles do not seem all that real. So, one questions as to, "What's the whole point of doing anything? Why work? Why make a living? Why support family when all of it is just nothing?"
But that's a misunderstanding of the concept of this teaching because even the Bhagavad Gita says that inactivity is not possible. Your mind is designed in such a way that it will keep ruminating, it will keep contemplating. The answer is not to contemplate more and more to get more and more clarity. Eventually, the contemplation must reduce because when the mind's activity reduces, what one experiences is calm, and peace, and harmony. But when one is caught up with concepts, that is when it's painful.
So, what happens after awakening? You find yourself in a place where you don't feel like doing anything, yet you are doing a lot because your mind is constantly trying to evaluate what to do. But then the answer always comes up, "What's the point of doing?" So, you see, there is a conflict between two opposing forces. The only pointer that is there is, "Let the mind do all the thinking and contemplation that it wants to. Just keep yourself engaged in any activity that is possible, any activity that comes to your mind. Take it up." It may happen, it may not happen. The mind will assume the worst in the beginning. For example, your mind may say, "If I'm not the body, what's the point of cooking? If I'm not the mind, what's the point of reading?"
The only thing to pay attention is, "Who is making all this investigation?" It is the mind having glimpsed reality. It is now confused, and that confusion is a part of this realization. But you see, inactivity is not possible. In fact, the activity has increased now. You keep trying to do some things. You try to engage yourself in a meaningful way, quote-unquote meaningful way, but you always find that the mind shuts everything down, saying that everything is empty, everything is meaningless. So, why even bother? That is still the separate self.
So, being spontaneous, as in, if a thought comes to make an art, to cook, to read, to walk, to dance, to go out, or anything, do that. Follow that. If it happens, it's fine. If it doesn't happen, that's fine too. But notice all the dialogue that the mind is creating about each and everything that is happening. Mind is just trying to justify its existence. "What is the point? What is the point? Why even be good to people now?" Well, try being bad to people and see what happens. "Why feed the body?" Well, don't feed the body and see what happens. "What's the point of meditation when there is no one meditating?" Well, don't meditate. Do something else. See what happens. Just keep seeing, keep watching what is happening.
Nisargadatta Maharaj said that just like a cloth, a dirty cloth, when kept in a soapy water, starts to become clean by itself, similarly, the mind, when it rests in the pure emotion, when one's attention is in the pure emotion, that means when the emotion is arising, when the restlessness, the anxiety, the depression, whenever it is arising, when one completely rests into that bare sensation, it just begins to drop off, and the mind becomes, the mind begins to become clear. The more we fight it, the more we obstruct the feeling, the more the feeling gets propagated in time, in horizontal time, and creates more and more suffering. But when the feeling is allowed to emerge, play, and then rest, then that particular, that particular arising has already done its course, and it has gone back to the same source from where it came. That source, that is what you really are. This is what Nisargadatta Maharaj says in his book, "I Am That." You are not the arising. The arising is simply happening. The thoughts, the feelings, the sensations are simply happening.
Now, what happens after spiritual awakening? The mind starts settling down. Now, when it starts settling down, the sensations become even more prominent. The sensations are felt in pure intensity. So, earlier, what would happen? That your mind would be confused here and there. So, if you were feeling anxious, you would pick up a drink, or eat something, or engage your mind in some other activity. Now, that did help temporarily, but then again, the feelings would come back. The anxiety would come back.
Now, after awakening, what you find is, when you're feeling anxious or restless or irritable, you don't find anything to do about it. You don't find a solution to it. And sometimes the mind can come up and say, "Oh, this way, you're just going to destroy your life. This way, you're just going to die if you don't do anything about it." That's what the mind says. However, that does not happen because mind is the separate self, and of course, it is. But natural that it will be afraid of its demise. It's not going to say that, "I want to live and expand." It's going to give you a fantasy version of itself. The fantasy is that, "I want to become whole. I want to become awakened or enlightened." What it doesn't tell you is that there is no one to be awakened. There is no one to get enlightened. But awakening and enlightenment is all there is. The light of pure consciousness is perfect, complete, whole by itself, in which mind is just an arising. Just like in the mind, thought isn't arising. Actually, thought and mind are one and the same. Thought produces the notion of a container, which we call mind, but there is no mind. There is no container. You are not a contained entity. You are the vastness.
So, rather than trying to find a solution to your problems, observe the feelings, observe the bare feelings, the sensations. Observe what the mind is doing, how it's trying to fight it, and how fighting is continuing that sensation horizontally in time and making it worse. How the mind is fragmenting itself and trying to come up with multiple dialogues. And one favorite dialogue that I know of the mind that often comes up after awakening is, "I was better off when I was asleep. Why did I wake up?" That is again the separate self, the pure ego in its fullblown dance. That is the ego. "I was better off. I was happy. I was content. I felt better when I was in the world and there were no problems." And now all of a sudden, everything is a problem. My life is now in a mess because I don't feel like doing anything, and that is a problem because we are so conditioned to do this and that. We are always told, "Do this, do that. Live this way, live that way. Eat healthy food. Sleep on time. Wake up on time. Eat your vitamins." Well, these are all good things. But here's the thing, they all of these movements, all of these, all of these things keep the separate self alive too. The separate self whose very existence is pain and suffering.
But slowly, when it is revealed what the mind is trying to do, when it is revealed, then a change happens. The mind starts to calm down. It starts to slow down. You find that your actions are more conscious, that you are more self-aware, that you experience sensation to the fullest, and you do not fight or resist anything. Therefore, your confusion starts getting eliminated, and more and more clarity and calmness is experienced, which is actually your true nature. Your true nature is restfulness, is peace and calm. It's just that your belief in your limitation creates the suffering where you feel that you are a limited entity, the limited mind-body organism that was born and that will die. Spiritual awakening creates a dent in that belief, and then it starts swallowing that belief into the light of pure awareness, which is peace, restfulness, and calm.
So, when the movement of the mind begins to slow down, it may so happen that sometimes you may not do anything. Your worries related to finances, related to taking care of your family, related to hundreds of other things will begin to wear off because you will realize that just as the awareness brought about this change in you, which is this mind-body organism, the same change, changes will be brought about by awareness in the other people too. That could be your family, people at your work. You are not responsible for anybody's happiness but your own happiness. And while this idea may seem selfish, the best gift to humanity is that you remain at peace. Forget about others because when you are nuisance to others, you always keep thinking in terms of, "What can I do for the world? How can I make it a better place?" First, focus on this. Just not even focus, just be aware of this. Whatever is happening, rather than trying to distract your mind, because distraction is a movement which strengthens the mind, rather than suppressing your urges, experience them fully. Be fully alive. Let there be total awareness. Then you will see that what we call is life is actually one seamless whole. It is not composed of fragments or parts as we imagine. It's only when we divide things into parts that we consider ourself also as a small part of that giant machinery. But life is not machinery. It is not composed of parts. Yes, in appearance, it may seem like that, but everything is so intricately connected and so beautiful and so magnificent. There are so many forces, even in the smallest movements of life, of nature. When this is understood, one begins to live authentically. That means I just be myself. This organism continues to be the way it is, rather than following a glorified idea of what things, what way things should move or how this entity should be.
So, I'm actually, after awakening, we are actually in a conflict, and the conflict is that, "I was better before. Now I'm somehow because I'm experiencing all these emotions, I'm unhappy, and I need to fix myself." That's the last, last shout from the ego before it begins to completely normalize. It is at this point that ego begins to realize that any doing or any movement is futile because no matter what you do, the outcome will always be what is intended by the universe and not by you, your preferences. It doesn't mean that we have to be inactive. Do everything. Do whatever comes to your mind, but do it with this understanding that the outcome is going to be what is determined by the universe and not what you want. You may want your confusion, your unhappiness to just go away, but it will not happen like that. But when you completely surrender to that feeling, that means, as Nisargadatta Maharaj said, that when you rest in that pure feeling, the bare feeling, without fighting it, without wrestling with it, all you're doing is just allowing that arising to play its course and then disappear. You're not fighting anything because if you fight, you build muscles, mental muscles, muscles which just perpetuates the separate self or the mind.
What this will do is it will bring out a facet of another facet of the mind, which I call as the working mind, and that is the creative mind. The thinking, thinking will begin to subside. "Why should I do? What is the purpose?" These are all meaningless questions. We will never know the purpose with this mind. We can never know the purpose. Only the universe knows the purpose. This instrument can only act, and action is this instrument's destiny. Try inaction, and you will not be able to do it beyond a couple of days. At some point, you will be so fed up that you will have to move your body, you will have to move your mind. But now, the movement of mind will be different. With this understanding that outcome is not in my control, the movement of the mind now will be purely related to the creative activity that you're doing. For example, if you're painting, you will be concerned about the colors, about the idea, about the emotion that you want to reflect through your painting, about the ideas that you want to communicate through your art. So, your mind will be clear, and it will operate in the working mode, not in the thinking mode. The thinking mode is like, "What will people think about your craft?" Thinking mode is that, "I don't want to do it." "Why? I don't want to do it because I'm lazy." "Why am I lazy?" "Because deep down I'm in confusion. I think there's no point to anything."
Having glimpsed reality, the mind does get confused. It has to happen. There is no fighting it. There is just letting it pass, letting it flow, listening to it, handling it with care and love, with awareness, and it just simply disappears into the awareness, and then the spontaneous working mind comes forth. And that mind is only concerned with the task or the activity that is being performed in a given moment. It is not concerned with the outcome. And that is what freedom is. Some of the greatest artists, they, when they were creating their art, they did not think if this, whether it will be a big hit or not. They weren't concerned about that. They just wanted to express. So, their working mind was in full swing, and the thinking mind was completely shut down. And that is what subsequently happens after awakening. You will start to express more and more authentically. It can be through speech, it can be through writing, it can be through art, or anything else. But you start expressing yourself more and more without worrying about what the society will think, what people will think, what loved ones will think. You don't care about any of that. So, let your mind rest in the awareness and see what happens.