Transcription
You are living your life the wrong way. There is something about this generation where we have become so obsessed with the number on the screen, on the scale, the number of friends, the money in our bank account, where we don't even realize that we are in the current moment and we're letting it pass us by.
This generation has a disease. The society that we live in has become so hyperfixated and hyperfocused on individual material objects. We're not focusing on the bigger picture. We go through life just moving through the motions instead of living in the present moment. You have been living your life incorrectly. So if you want to learn how to widen your perspective, how to live in the now and become the hottest, highest, and healthiest version of yourself, this is the podcast for you. Welcome to today's episode of Hot and Unbothered. [Music]
Hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to my podcast. If you are new here, my name is Brianna Gomez, or you can call me Bri, and I am your host of Hot and Unbothered, the ultimate podcast for achieving your dream life and unlocking the highest version of yourself.
If you clicked on this episode, I know a few things about you actually. I know that you are willing to put in the work to broaden your perspective, to focus on mindfulness because you want to learn how to live a genuinely fulfilling life and focus on the present. And maybe you aren't perfect right now. And I'm going to talk about how perfect is generally only a concept. It's actually something that we will never be able to achieve. And today, my hope for you is that we are able to let go of this stronghold, this grasp that we have around the desire for perfection and instead focus on what's right in front of us. Having intentional, mindful relationships and connections throughout our day and throughout our life. And I'm really happy that you clicked on this episode. And you being here is you taking the first step into creating an intentional life for yourself.
And I'm going to try to do no cuts in this episode. I just want this to be a conversation with you, a genuine, authentic conversation with you on the other side of this microphone or screen, whatever you might be listening or watching on. So, I'm so happy you're here.
Before we dive in, you guys know I love to share a podcast review. Today, we have one from Ellie. Let me pull it up. She said, "Hey, Bri, you're such a queen and I love your podcast. You're such an inspiring person, and listening to you reminds me not only to strive for my dream life, but to try to have just as positive an outlook on life as you do. I'm a pre-professional ballet dancer and was struggling with body image and self-doubt, and you've helped me remember to always be grateful for what I have and what's coming and to truly love myself. You're doing such an amazing thing. So, thank you. Love and best wishes, Ellie."
Ellie, that is so, so kind. I seriously appreciate your review. Every single one of you who sends me a message or a comment or a review, leaves a rating. I read every single one. Sometimes I get overwhelmed because it's crazy that I'm even making an impact. So, I might take a little bit to respond sometimes, but I read every single one and I try to get back to as many of you guys as I can. And it means the world to me that you are here. And I feel like we were meant to be here with each other. We were meant to find each other. You were meant to click on this episode, and I hope that you take something from this today.
Whether you are coming into this with an open mind—that's my hope that you are feeling open-minded, lighthearted, and that you are ready to open your perspective—or maybe you had a really bad day. Maybe you are coming into it kind of stubborn, thinking that you don't have anything to learn. Regardless, come as you are, but don't stay that way. There is a lot of growing to be done, healing to be done within all of us. And I think that a lot of us could use a little extra compassion and insightfulness and mindfulness and intention.
Let me start by saying you were put here for a reason. You were given a purpose. Humanity was given a purpose. And this is not a religious podcast, but if you really think that we just spawned here, with no purpose, with no intention, with no true meaning behind what we are made for, you've got it all wrong. You did not just spawn here. You did not just fall out of the sky just to live life, just to scroll on your phone, to bed raw all day, to go out and party and drink and make meaningless connections and do meaningless things with your life. You were made for so much more. That's the first thing I need you to recognize. You were made with a purpose and a vision and a plan and with intention. And as humans, it is our job to keep that intention going and to fulfill that purpose.
And some of us might feel lost because you might be like, "What is that purpose? What does that even mean? I don't even know yet." And you might spend your day hyperfixating on that, trying to find your purpose and trying to find success through it and trying to meet certain people or do certain things, follow certain paths because the other person next to you is doing it. Someone else's purpose is not your purpose. So, I just need you to recognize that we were made for more than trying to copy someone else, trying to be someone we're not, trying to focus on social media and numbers and the body image. There's just so much that this society focuses on that is so meaningless and useless.
And a huge mistake that humans make on a daily basis is trying to achieve perfection. We strive for perfection. We always compare ourselves. We get jealous. We get insecure because we're not perfect. What is perfect even? Because everyone's idea of perfect is different. So you can't tell me, oh, like that girl's so perfect because what's perfect to you might not be perfect to somebody else. Our ideas of perfect are not even sound. Yet you try and become this picture-perfect image. You want to be this wax figure, this perfect mold. We are all different, but that's what's so beautiful about humanity. So stop striving for perfection. Stop trying to be so rigid and color between the lines and fit inside a box. You can find yourself in a box when the only thing that is truly perfect is God's vision for you, the plan and the purpose and the intention behind your life. That is perfect. But you will never be.
And that might be a tough pill for some of you, especially the perfectionists, to swallow. You will never be perfect. That's the hard truth. You will never be perfect. But you need to learn how to be okay with that. You will never have the perfect body. You will never have the perfect life. You will never have the perfect amount of money. If you are striving for perfection, you will always be left unfulfilled. You will always be left wanting more and always hungry and always empty because you will never be satisfied. This idea of perfection that you are chasing is not even real.
But we long for this idea of perfection and we reach and we grasp on so tightly to the idea of the future that things will get better, to the grind and the hustle. But you are not going to be fulfilled even when you get those things. Some people spend their entire life wanting more money or more fame or more success and then they get these things and they still feel just as empty, if not even more empty than they did before. Because that feeling that you are chasing this perfection, the success, this money, it's not even real.
What if I told you that tomorrow morning, first thing when you wake up, I can have a car. Any car you want, car of your dreams, any make, any model, any price, any size, does not matter. It will be in your driveway for you tomorrow morning. It can be a hot pink Porsche. It can be a Tacoma truck. It can be a bright red Ferrari. It can be whatever you want in your driveway tomorrow. And you might be thinking, "That's too good to be true. What's the catch?" There's no catch other than the fact that this is the only car that you will get for the rest of your life. And how does that change your perspective on this car? It's going to make you want to be more responsible, more intentional with it. It's going to make you more appreciative for what you have. It's going to make you take care of it better because you know that it's the only one that you have. There's no redos. There's no, "Oh, I'm going to mess this one up. I'll try again. I'm going to take this one for granted. I'll get another one." That's not how it works. This is the only one.
But there is so much opportunity, right? Endless possibilities. Truly endless possibilities. There are no bounds to the car that you can choose, to where you can take it. You just have this one and you have to take care of it. How differently does that make you look at life? Because that's how life is. You get this one and you truly can do whatever you want with it. You can take it wherever you want, wherever your heart desires, wherever your purpose is driving you to, but it's the only life that you have. We don't get a redo button. We don't get to waste all of our days scrolling on social media or drowning our sorrows in meaningless relationships, distracting ourselves from the true meaning of life because we are too scared to face the truth and to face the true purpose of life. We instead spend this time running from it and hiding and passing time by because we don't want to face the truth, which is living an intentional, mindful, and purposeful life of love and compassion. We don't want to do that. So, we spend our days hiding away. But what if I told you this is the only one you have? And you know that already. Yet, you spend your days like they are limitless.
But what's really sad is a lot of people get to the end of their life and they wish they did more. You don't want to be that person. You don't want to say, "Oh, I wish I took this trip. I wish I made this connection. I wish I spent more time loving other people, loving the earth, loving God. I wish I spent more time learning or learning more about myself, building a relationship with yourself or those around you or your family, pursuing your dream job, spent less time caring about what people thought." You don't want to be the person living with that weight of regret once it's too late. And that's the thing is so many people take what they have right in front of them for granted and they don't even realize how good it was until it's already gone, until it's already too late.
I'll get personal and give a real-life example for me. I lost my grandma two weeks ago. She passed away unfortunately. I love her so much and I find myself getting really sad looking at her life, looking at everything she did, and I see myself so much in her and I was looking at old scrapbooks and things people wrote about her and I'm sitting here thinking, I wish I spent more intentional time with her. I wish I got to know her better. And this is my grandma. This is the closest person I've ever had to me who passed away, and she has been such an important loving figure in my life forever, obviously, and there's still things that I didn't know about her, and I wish I spent more intentional time with her, and that's the worst thing is to live with that regret, especially when you are mourning someone or grieving someone. That's what you don't want is for it to be too late. You could have spent time loving and being intentional and mindful with this thing that was right in front of you your whole life, but you don't even realize that you weren't appreciating it until it was gone and the moment has passed and it's too late. And that is what I don't want for you. I want you to open your eyes and I want you to be intentional and to love every second of your life and to not let it pass you by because life is so short and so many of us are spending our lives incorrectly.
We focus on this idea that is quality of life, but you don't even realize you are defining the quality of life with a quantity. We are defining the quality of life by the number of viewers, of followers, or the numbers in our bank account, the number on the scale. We define our life with numbers when it's about quality. Quality and quantity are not the same thing. You can't say, oh, I'm focusing on the quality of life when you are hyperfixated on the quantity, the amount of cars, the amount of friends, the amount of posts and likes and follows and shares. You're going to lose your mind. And I am guilty of this, especially in the social media world. You become so unhealthily obsessed with the idea of likes and refreshing and seeing the notifications on the screen and seeing the number go up. There's so much more to that. And you cannot define the quality of life with a quantity.
And a lot of people who get a lot of money and become millionaires, maybe they become so far detached from themselves that they think that they're getting happiness. But a lot of people, they realize that you eventually will have all the money. You'll have all the fame, but you don't have the happiness that goes with it. Money and followers and fame and success does not equate to happiness and a plentiful life. It just doesn't. You might be able to take nicer trips. Sure, I'm not going to ignore that. You might be able to buy nice things, buy nice gifts for people, take lots of trips, experience a lot of things. Sure. But that does not compare to the true substance and fulfillment that comes from learning how to be content and happy and grateful and living a true life of intention.
And I'm so guilty of this, you guys. I struggle with the idea of perfection, especially. I tried to plan out every single detail of my life. And I talked about this in my overthinking episode, but I would hyperfixate on one thing. Maybe it was a job that I wanted or a certain trip I had coming up, and you focus so much on this one thing and you hone in on it that you are ignoring the bigger picture. It's like looking through a magnifying glass at one thing, trying to find the answer when all you need to do was step back and look at the whole picture, see the whole thing and broaden your perspective. But when we focus on perfection and we hyperfixate, we're not looking at the big picture. So maybe you're hyperfixated on this job that you really want, or maybe it's this boy that you want to like you or this certain number that you want to see on the scale or number of followers or number in your bank account. It does not matter once you take a step back and look at the bigger picture. And that one thing you've been honing in on, it can be giving you so much anxiety. It can be giving you so much stress, such a heavy burden to carry. And all of that goes away when you're able to take a step back and realize this doesn't really matter. If I don't get this thing, if I don't see this number, if I don't pass this test, get into this school, get this job, get this boy, this relationship, it won't be the end of the world. But we let our bodies react in this way that makes us feel like it's the end of the world if I don't have this. And we focus on it. And we waste so much time trying to think of how we can make it better, how we can achieve it, how we're going to appear to a certain person, change ourselves, and manipulate the situation when the true answer is honestly just to detach. Let go and let God. That's seriously just it.
You hear that cheesy little saying, let go and let God. But we need to realize we are not God. We all want to be the rulers over our own life. We want to be the puppeteers orchestrating everything. And you want to control how not just you react and how your path goes, but you get upset even when someone else doesn't react in a certain way. You get upset even when your employer maybe isn't appreciating you or when your partner reacts in a way that you didn't want or your friend is doing something that you don't want them to. We can't control anyone else. We want to be the gods of our own life. You need to realize that the only thing you can control is your perspective and your heart posture and how you react.
Heart posture is a new term that I've learned and I learned it actually in my church group, but it applies to truly everything. Heart posture is exactly what it sounds like. Posture, you know, standing up straight, the angle at which you're approaching things. And your heart, it needs to have a certain posture when you enter daily situations. And this will change your life. The term heart posture, you just need to check yourself throughout the day. Energy checks. Is my heart posture in check? Am I coming at this situation correctly? So, for example, if you're dealing with something like an agitated customer, a really cranky person at your work, and they're coming at you so heated, so angry, it might be so easy and feel so much easier to want to come back at them with the same energy, with that negativity, to stoop down to their level. Well, now check your heart posture. Maybe come at it with some compassion and say, "This person might just be having a bad day," or how can I touch this person today? How can I reframe this person's perspective to change their day? By using intention. When you use intention with everything in life, the world around you changes.
And we as humans have become so accustomed to just moving through the motions, going through life. You wake up for the morning, you just get through your morning routine, you drive to work, you're on autopilot, like a literal robot. We live like we are robots. You show up to work. You sit there from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. You don't even know what just happened. You're just doing the motions, doing exactly what you're told and what you were trained to do. And you're not taking that extra step to actually engage and be intentional and you're missing all of these opportunities that are passing you by. Every single day when you wake up in the morning and you step outside your house, you are open to a world of opportunities. But when you are living like a robot, you are closing all of these doors. The second that you open your heart and fix your heart posture and welcome the world with intention and welcome new opportunity and lessons with intention, the world around you changes and you have been missing out on that.
So instead of just going to work just another day dreading it, first of all, rewire your perspective because was this not the job that you applied for, that you interviewed for, that you wanted, that you were crossing your fingers hoping you would get, but now you've become so accustomed to it. You've gotten so comfortable, and now it's like, uh, time to wake up, time to go to work. This is the job that's paying your bills, that's putting a roof over your head. This is the job that's given you everything you've ever wanted. And now you're rolling your eyes that you have to go and now you've just been living it on autopilot when instead you could be making new encounters with intention, touching people's hearts, meeting new people, creating new opportunities and paths for yourself. So if you instead of being mean to this customer decide to approach with compassion or to open your heart to them to try and soften theirs, you have no idea what is passing you by.
Set your intentions at the beginning of the day. Whether it's okay, I want to focus on compassion today. I want to focus on new opportunities today, opening new doors today. I set the intention the other day at work of God. I invited God into my workday with me. And if you're not religious, this is just my personal experience. I'm in no way forcing religion on anybody, but this is my personal experience and my example. Invite something into your workday. I decided I was going to invite God into my workday with me. And it is crazy, absolutely crazy the way that my intention manifested throughout my workday. And for me, work is just something I've been so autopilot lately. I've been dreading it. There's been so much change. I just haven't been fully present. I haven't been giving 100%. I've just been showing up, going through the motions, doing the bare minimum, getting through the day, going home, and repeating it all over again. We become so robotic. However, the day that I set this intention, one, it was such a better day, but two, I saw it literally manifest before my eyes. There's this person, this customer that I see all the time. Every single day, we have regular conversation. But then he said to me, and I get a lot of compliments on my customer service at work, okay? I try to be bubbly and happy, very mindful and considerate of others, compassionate, okay? I try to be a very positive force in the workspace, but for me that's autopilot, right? And then this person is saying to me, oh, like you're always so such a positive presence, such a light. I forget his exact words, which I was like, okay, that's normal. And he goes, you know why? It's because you have the Holy Spirit. And I was like, me and this man have never ever ever talked about God, talked about church, talked about anything. He had no idea what I'm going through, that I even go to church, that I set this intention with God for my day. And then it manifested right in front of my eyes. And to me, that was just hard, cold proof that energy is so real and it's so transferable and people pick up on that energy. So maybe for you, if you're not ready to set the intention of bringing God to work with you, maybe it's just focusing on mindfulness. Maybe it's okay. I hope that I can open opportunity, you know, show me that there's opportunity around me. Show me lovingness. Show me thoughtfulness. Show me career growth. Show me something. But every single day and every interaction has something to offer.
And it's also important to realize when you're interacting with other people, you are shaping their day as well. Maybe someone will be like, "Oh, that girl who was working, that job had such great energy, or that person on the street, her compliment really made my day, or her smile showed me that there's still good people in this world." It's down to the little things. It's not down to how many likes your Instagram picture just got. And it's crazy. We need to take a step back. You need to take a step back to reframe your perspective because I, when my podcast was charting a few weeks ago, maybe it's been a month ago now, my podcast had been charting on the top education charts on Spotify, which let me just say I am so incredibly and unbelievably grateful for. Words cannot even express how unreal that is, right? But then I started getting almost a little carried away. I did not take it for granted. I was so insanely grateful, but I was like, "Oh my gosh, we're so close to top five. We're so close to passing Emma Chamberlain," I was getting so excited, and it's okay to be excited about things. However, I was letting that control my happiness almost for that time being. I was getting my pure adrenaline and satisfaction off of the fact that my podcast was charting. There's so much more to life than that. Now, it's not. And I realize now I'm just the same with or without the podcast on the Spotify charts. Of course, it was exciting and I appreciate it so much. And it's so cool that it did that and I would love for it to do it again. But when we get something, this instant gratification, we cling on to it and we crave more and more of it. And that just goes to show we are never satisfied. And I had to adjust my posture that I was coming at the situation towards because at one point, oh my gosh, when I first started this podcast only a year ago, I did not think anyone would even be listening to it. If my video got a thousand listens, I'm
Like, "Yes, that's all we needed." And now it's charting in the US and I'm like, "Okay, but I need it higher." Like, it can go higher. I know it can. Which there's a fine line.
There's a fine line between pursuing growth and success and wanting to grow and be better every single day. That's still important, but you can't let that define or justify your happiness and fulfillment. They're two separate things. Both truths can be true. You can have both. But you can't let one rely on the other. You can't let your happiness or your fulfillment in life be relying on your level of success, your level of gratification, and your level of recognition or validation. You have to stop seeking validation from these external factors because you have to recognize at the end of the day, none of that matters at all. Sorry. When you get to the gates of heaven, they're not going to say, "How many Instagram followers did you have?" or "How much money was in your bank account?" That doesn't matter. Nobody cares at all.
So, continue to grow, continue to learn, continue to chase your dreams, but do not crave this external validation. And do not base your entire life in existence on that. Another crazy thing I'm learning the concept of is stewardship. And let me look up the exact like book definition for you. The careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care. And this crazy concept that I'm just learning about is taking stewardship over your life and acknowledging the fact that every single thing that you have and own, everything in your possession, your entire existence was given to you. It was gifted to you.
Yet, we become so entitled and we start wanting more. We start wanting things like it's a grocery list or a Christmas wish list and it's just going to all pop up for us. We're like, "Okay, I, you know, have my own room and a roof above my head, but wouldn't it be nice if I had a brand new car? Wouldn't it be nice if I had a new designer bag, a new laptop, a new XYZ?" The list goes on and on. However, you are not even taking care of or appreciating the things that are right in front of you. And you might be sitting here crossing your fingers hoping for a new apartment or a new house when you're not even taking care of your room, your one bedroom that you have. You're not even appreciating or taking care of that. Why do you deserve even more? We need to focus on what we have now before jumping in to bigger and better things. We always think bigger and better is more. Sometimes less is more and it's best to start small. Learn to appreciate and take care of the things you have. That's how you're going to attract abundance into your life.
And I need you to recognize that abundance is based off of quality and not quantity. Abundance is based off of the love in the opportunities in the growth in the experiences that you have around you that shaped you in the gratitude that you feel on a daily basis because how lucky are we to even be here. How lucky are you to even be here listening to this episode? You have ears to listen. You have some sort of platform or streaming device to listen to this from. You have the mind to take in this information. Yet you are sitting here wanting more and you're allowed to want to grow. You're allowed to want to chase your dreams. But your quantity does not define your abundance. True abundance is achieved when you realize you are abundant already because you are here and you have eyes to see and a heart to feel and a brain to think. You are abundant because look at all that God's given you. Abundance is not the money in your bank account or the amount of cars in your driveway. It's not. And we get the two confused.
So recognizing that you are living in a world of abundance right now. You hear people say the present moment is a gift. Yet we don't treat it as one. We never rarely ever look around at the tiniest things that we have at this exact moment and say, "Thank you for putting me here. I'm glad that I have all these things. I'm so grateful." We rarely ever do that. And so without even saying thank you, we start making a list of demands for more or a wish list for more. When you haven't even shown the world that you can be grateful and take care of what you have right now. And this can go down to the littlest things like taking care of your car, taking care of your body, right? Even washing your face, taking a shower, going to the gym. That is almost practicing stewardship, taking care of the body, this temple that you were given and fueling it with good things.
And so practicing stewardship even these past few days has made life so much more easy for me because instead of going through the motions of life and seeing everything as a chore or something that I have to do, going to work something I have to do, making food, doing the dishes, doing chores as something I have to do. It's something I get to do, which is crazy. But it's like even if you're cleaning the dishes, that means you just ate a meal. That means that you have a sink and dishes to even wash. That means that you have hands to wash them. And so going through the day, we are little stewards to our own life. And getting things done because we appreciate them and not because we have to is so fulfilling. And it's so heartwarming. And I feel so full over the past few days. And it's allowed me to be so much more intentional with where I am right now and appreciate every single thing that I have around me. When I'm cleaning the dishes, it's like I'm cleaning this for myself not because I have to, but because I'm grateful and because I have more meals to eat and I have food that I just ate and I'm grateful. And I don't know, you guys might think I'm sounding crazy hippie brie mode right now, but it's just the truth.
Back to what I was saying earlier when I saw the numbers on the Spotify education top charts. I was feeling this high and I became so hyperfixated on it. And I don't want to say, oh, I felt this high, like I wasn't grateful. I was so extremely grateful at the point where it was almost unreal. And I was getting imposter syndrome literally where I was outside my own body and it did not feel like that was something that was even happening. I was seeing my name on the screen, but I was not making the connection. That was my podcast on the charts. Unreal. Anyway, I put a lot of pressure on myself to get better, to keep pushing content, to keep interacting, to make more reels and TikToks and posts and try harder and do all these things and work hard hard. And I got so burnt out. And when I was working harder and even when I saw results, I was not fulfilled. And what I felt I had to do was go touch grass. I literally felt so disconnected from the real world, not even just from reality, like human connection, which we are meant to connect with humans. I needed to connect with the earth. I booked horseback riding lessons. And that's just something I can't begin even to recommend enough. You need to connect with the world around you, the earth. Do things away from your phone. Do things away from even your friends. You need to do stuff by yourself. You need to fuel your relationship with yourself and you need to ground yourself and literally touch grass. Get outside, sit in the sun, practice solitude, and sitting in your thoughts, practice gratitude.
And oh my goodness, the fact that something that I thought would fulfill me, a number on a screen, actually drove me to the point of being like, "No, I actually need to force myself to get far away from this for a second and touch grass." So, I'm glad I did because now I cannot tell you enough how important it is to prioritize grounding and just connecting with the earth, connecting with animals. I sound like such a hippie right now, but it helps me so much. And I have such a new perspective on my life. Everything that was on my vision board, the car, the house, the glamorous trips, the paparazzi, all of that means nothing. It means absolutely nothing. If you do not have the heart and compassion of fulfillment and intention to go forward in life, it means nothing if you do not have that correct heart posture. If you do not have the correct intention and mindfulness behind it, you will never be happy. And so, I don't want to hear you complaining that, well, I wanted this house and I tried to manifest this job and this career and this fame and these followers, but I'm not getting it. You cannot just plant the seeds and expect them to show up the next day without even watering your garden, without even giving it sunlight, without even tending your garden, without even appreciating what's right in front of you and giving it careful love and attention. If you're gardening and you just throw the seeds on the ground and just expect them to pop up the next day, that's not true. That's not possible. Planting seeds is so real. But yes, you need to water those seeds. You need to be patient. And you need to take care of them and what's right in front of you.
This was a really random episode. Like I said, I didn't go into it with any notes or any plan or anything. This is just something that's been really heavy on my heart. I'm sure there's a lot I forgot to mention. So, there's always more where that came from. But, I hope that you guys go forward with your day and that you gain something from this episode, that you have a newfound perspective. And I challenge you to start setting intentions with your day, to start entering your workday with intention and mindfulness to open your hearts and say, "What opportunities will find me today?" And please be grateful and remember how lucky that you are to be here. I know I feel so insanely lucky to share this message with you and to have spent this time with you and to have had this conversation with you. I am so happy and blessed that you are here to listen to this. And again, I can't appreciate you enough. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, feel free to leave a review for the chance to be featured in next week's episode. Follow me on my socials if you guys want to stay in touch on there. I like to talk to you guys on my Instagram group chat that I have for the hot and unbothered besties. I love you guys so so much from the very bottom of my heart. I see you and I am with you and I will see you next free day. Bye. What?