Transcription
You know, "hot-tempered," that's even the word. "Hot-tempered." You know, so I was hot-tempered, and, um, and probably because I watched my parents. I, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't really regard people. I didn't know how to give respect to people. So these were things, and I was stubborn. I was very stubborn. I was stubborn and highly opinionated.
>> Wow.
That's the combination. I think that's serious. That's explosive.
>> I'm telling you.
Highly opinionated. So, and I loved to argue.
>> Wow.
I could argue. Oh, you can't win me in an argument. Oh, and I used to argue off point. I don't know if you know what "off point" means. Argue is not making sense. But because I am opinionated, so I would stand my ground on whatever I'm saying. And no matter what you're saying, I can't understand you. I don't even want to understand you, except you understand me.
>> And these were things I grew up with.
And because I grew up like that, I didn't even know it was a problem. And my parents wouldn't have pointed it out as a problem because I got it from them. So we are all alike. So it was when I now left and got into the university, I think where I even found out that I actually had a problem when I met my husband. Because I didn't know I had a problem. I actually thought I was good. And, you know, I love to smile. So I was a smiley kind of person. So it's only when you get to me that you now, you know, you see anger. But if you meet me, you will never know. And so, so it was just beautiful, you know. So I didn't see it as a problem until I met my husband. And in our relationship, we went out for five years, went out for five years before we got married. So it was in that, you know, in our going out, then he, he starts to point out things. And I'm like, "What is the problem?" As in, I don't see it as a problem. When I was arguing, people used to tell me, you know, people used to hail me for my arguing skills, you know. And, and they'll be telling me how I had two people want to sponsor me to read law because I could argue. So it was a, it was, it was a strength.
>> Yes.
That was what I thought. It was a strength. So how do I now meet a man and he's telling me that this is not a strength? This is, this is, this is terrible. You know, you can't continue that way. So it was a lot to battle with. And not knowing, you know, by the time we got married, this thing started to put a strain in our relationship. And it became so bad because the, the man I married was such an amazing man. He came from a background that was very peaceful. He's a very peaceful person till date. He is very peaceful. He doesn't like problems, trouble, nothing. But me, I came from a home that did not know what peace looked like. So peace for us was, you shout, and that's peace. When it's not peace is when you start boxing, when you start fighting. So if I'm talking, he'll be like, "Why are you raising your voice? Why?" I'm like, "Me?" I said, "There's no problem. We've not, nothing is happening yet." You know. So my husband couldn't just understand where I was coming from. And I think another problem I had was that I didn't really have an understanding of what God had put in his life and who he was, and who he was to people. And because everything I did was affecting him, even to ministry. You know, you have a ministration you're going to go for. You don't want to have an argument before a ministration. But I didn't even understand all these things at that time. So I can make him so upset before he goes for ministration. I think it just took God to help my husband during that period because you have to show up to the people and you have to give to them, you know. And it's now that I'm doing ministries now that God has, that I now understand the place I put him in, you know, those years. Because you, you need, you need, you need a, a, a mind that is, you know, at peace. And you need a free spirit even to receive from God. You don't need offense. You can't, you can't, you can't receive from the Holy Spirit with offense. So imagine what I was doing. I think the devil was just using me, you know, at that point. And these things were things that caused a lot of strain to the extent that at some point, my husband even, you know, stopped talking much to me. He would just be quiet. You, I can say everything I want to say. He'll just be nodding his head. And you're expecting that he shouldn't just nod, but he was just nodding because, because, you know, I don't know the next thing I'll say and you flip, you know, you, you will go off. And I won't know how to control you.
So, and just to go back to what you said, sir, about, you know, him saying I left him. Do you know the truth is that angry people, most times when they do the things they do, they don't even know what they are doing. They don't remember.
>> Wow.
They don't remember what they, what they do because they do it in, in anger, in the heat of the moment. It's an emotion that, it's uncontrolled. And because you react, you know, based on that emotion, by the time you come back to your senses, by the time you calm down, you forget too many things you did in the heat of that outburst.
So, it's the people that you have offended or hurt that are the people that can remember what you did. My husband has also reminded me, one of the times he spoke, he said he can remember the times I, I, I threw plates out of anger. Do you, I can remember it? And I tell him, "Are you sure it's me?" I said, "It can't be me. No, I couldn't have done that. Me, by me now? No, it's not me." But you see, but these are things you do, and it keeps, you know, it keeps, it keeps, it keeps, you know. There was something I said in my book, and I said that, um, I said something, I'm sure you must have read when I said that, you know, um, today, today marriages, what is breaking homes is not even, it's not as much as, you know, those days where you say maybe it's, um, infidelity. The things that are breaking homes today are these little, little things. They look little, but you, you see anger, you see, uh, you see whether it's being highly opinionated, disrespect, unforgiveness, you know, assumptions, you know, these things are eating into homes.
And without you knowing, that's why you hear people say, "irreconcilable differences." What are those things that, you know? And then you sometimes you ask, you say, "What happened?" "I don't even know what happened in our marriage, but we don't want to be married anymore." But they can't pinpoint exactly what it was because it's those little things.
Those little things. Wow.
Those are those little foxes, you know. They are the little foxes. And that's why this book is, is so timely and it's so good. We're talking about it today.
>> Praise the Lord.
But thank God for your husband. He's so patient.
>> Oh, God blessed me.
God blessed me.
>> He took a lot from me.
There were days I'll bang the door at him. We'll be talking, and, you know, this is, see, even you, you're the one, you, you can't even imagine it.
Because the reason I went, ah, was because when we married, we were not Christians.
>> Yes.
And because I've seen my father the way he dealt with my mom.
>> Yes.
I knew she was, she grew up in Europe. European ladies have this attitude when you get angry, bang the door. And so I had to sit down with her.
And I said, "Sis," whenever you get angry, don't bang the door. Just come into a room quietly so we can talk. I said, "Our children must never."
>> Yes.
Just bang the door or shout or fight. And we thank God all these years, it never happened. She just comes in the room, we sit down, we talk. When we finish, and everything is okay, we're out, back to normal.
I said, "So don't bang." So when you say you banged, that's why I went. So, you know, that was it. Because maybe we start talking, and at some point, I can't take it anymore. It's, it's probably, it's not going the way I want it to. So I'm like, "You know what? Whatever wants to happen, let it happen." And I walk out, I bang the door, and he's there. And he will not, he won't chase me. He won't come after me. He won't raise his hands. He won't raise his voice. He will just stay there. Even, you know what he used to do those days? He would just cry. That husband will cry. I made him cry.
>> Serious.
I, it's when he starts to cry, and I realize, "Okay, it's really bad. It's bad. What you did is bad." Because when I'm doing these things, I don't even know.
>> Wow.
That, you know, this, I'm going too far. You know, it's like you don't know where the boundary lines are anymore. So when you see him like, "Oh, you've just gone, this is, you shouldn't have." This begging, then I start begging. I will kneel down. I will start begging. And my husband always tells me then, "I'm not a bulb, you know, a light bulb that you switch on and off at." You know, into our marriage and all. And I was talking to my wife about something. My wife just cleared the entire table. There were breakable plates and breakable cups on top of the kitchen and all that. And I was talking to her. She just used her hand like this, cleared all of them on the ground. Yes. Serious clearing. Cleared all of them on the ground. And everything gu. And I'm looking. I've never seen that type of thing before. Because I mean, where I'm coming from, we're not used to it. We're not used to it. And everything just broke like that. Oh, are you afraid for the story I'm telling? My wife hears it when I tell it, she laughs. She even contributes. Oh, yes. Because right now, she's okay. You understand what I'm saying? You know, so she even contributes. And, you know, what I thank God that I'm able to go through what I went through. Because the Bible says so that you, I'm, but I must tell you, it was not funny. Mm-hmm. It's not the kind of thing that I said. I, I told the people who came on Wednesday. How do you, I was on the streets of London with my wife and went to shop and that time. And by the time we were there, I said something to my wife. Because I asked her, "You should have told me you were going." And she said, "Why am I saying that? Why am I doing this thing?" And all. I thought it was a joke. My wife left me in the shop and went home. I don't live in London. I don't know my way around London. She left me inside the shop and went home. I have stayed there and stayed there, stayed there. I didn't know how to go. I now called her friend and I said, "Please, I am here. Oh, I don't know how to. I'm calling my wife." And my wife is not picking the phone. And her friend called my wife. I asked her, "And, where are you?" I was like, "She's like, ah, she's in the house. Is anything the problem?" She said, "Ah, but you left your husband in the." He said that, "He will find his way and come back." Have I found before? I've never found my way to come back. And the truth of the matter was that that was how she left me. Her friend had to be the one that will bring me back and all. You can imagine that type of life. You can imagine. Imagine that type of. One day, my wife looked at me. One day, I was talking to her. She said, "Hey, then you have a problem." I told her, "Yes. What is the problem?" She said, "The problem is that you like peace too much." Heaven bear me witness. She said that, "He said, you like peace too much." I said, "I like peace too much." He said, "Yes, you like peace too much." I'm praying with my wife one day, and then we're praying, praying, praying. And she says to me, "Oh, my time is almost gone." And she says to me, um, while the prayer was going on, she touched me.
Summarize. [Applause] I did not mean say summarize. And I tell you that I say even with God too. And the truth is that, but right now, I got married to one of the amazing prayer warriors you can ever think. Yes.
>> What is that dynamic like to have your wife who you are obviously very close to, but also just recognize this unction and respect it independently of your role as a husband?
Yes. And so, I, I think that my wife and I had our own, um, we had our own, um, call it our own illumination, um, season, so to speak. So, I mean, if you read her book, "I Almost Ruined My Marriage," you know. So, um, she needed to see the pastor in me, not necessarily her husband, during those, um, very turbulent times, you know. So, and I didn't realize why God was causing me to, you know, to be in that place of being molded by her actions, right? Being a true Christian, you know, by her. So, I mean, things were going, not going too well. And I still was in that place where I was trying to be the great you or spouse, be the very, you know. So when she came full circle, she realized that, you know what, beyond even the super, beyond this manifestation, this man is a true Christian. Do you understand? Like, this is what it is like. Like you said, that it is not acting, you know, which is one thing I pray to God every day. Um, I, I'm, I'm sincerely in that place where all I desire with all of this, you know, growing numbers is that Jesus be pleased. That is all I, as in, I don't know what else that, you know, comes to my heart every day more than the fact that I just want God be glorified in everything. Just look at us and be happy. Look at us and don't feel like, "Okay, they've joined this bandwagon again." May we never in our journey, you know, it's a heartbeat for me. May we never, you know, what comes with this whole thing, the attention, the people, you, the nations of the world. I mean, it's growing. And, um, my desire is just to make sure that I'm still in that space where I, I, my heart, my heart, I just want to keep loving God. I just want to see Him keep working on me, helping me to live for Him. That's all I want. I don't want to, you know, when these things, when these things get on, and then you are in that space where everybody, um, I, I just want to, I just want to love God and just keep doing the right thing. Never coming to a point in my life where, you know, you're caught up with a frenzy and, uh, you start losing balance. So that's just my. I'm sorry. Until you've seen a situation of three family members having cancer at the same time, and then they've gone through treatment, and then, and I remember these things every morning. I come to the altar. And then, if you imagine the number of devices, both on whether it's on YouTube, on Facebook, how many people who connect, so you can imagine how much, you know, issues we have to deal with and people who send us too many, you know, um, prayer requests, you know, and all that. Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed and I'm seem to, and because my heart is in this, you don't know. Every time there's people who work with me, know every time someone is healed, the joy. Yeah. The joy. They, I could tell my peers, I'm so excited, you know, God, you know, I'll be sharing testimonies with them and all of because I just want to see people. I mean, if I, and I, I hate anything that represents evil, you know. So every time I come, so I can't, the burden can't even go away. The burden can't even go away because sometimes if God doesn't even place the burden in your heart, the things you're seeing, the messages you're seeing. If we finish this interview, if I bring out my phone now without anything and I show you, you'll just see a list of, "Oh, this one," and all of that. I've had to change numbers, but it's not working, you know. So, you still have this messages enter into how the new one goes out and people find that one and it just goes out. People are hurting. So how can, and this is what I, I feel like the reason why we've seen the miraculous so much in what we do is because of our heart.
>> Yes.
So, like you said, you know, compassion. Nobody can walk in the supernatural without comp. Because I see a lot of pastors who come to me, "Oh, Pastor Jerry, we want this mantle of the miraculous. Lay hands on us." They don't used to lay. I mean, there are things that come from the place of brokenness. Can you carry this burden?
What, what do you want?
Out of this miraculous? What do you want? For me to see people change? To see people, to see people smile again? To see families, you know, united again? To see the that guy that is, you know, has gone the way of addiction, you know, be restored. To see homes, to just see people laugh and smile because wickedness in the sun is pro more than ever before. You know, there's the everywhere you look, you see an autistic child, you know, parents has autism, this one, you see this one here, you see, they just sit back and go like, "Now, wow." As in, problem everywhere. People wake up and it's fine. I mean, like three months after the person is now saying, "Something is wrong with me." They say, "My spine had." You just go for routine test and you now go and they say, "Your liver has a problem." By the time you know what's happening, four weeks after, everything. I mean, someone just told me, say, "Oh, Pastor, you know, there was someone who said she was, she was driving as a two weeks ago. She was driving as two weeks ago. Right now, you know, one of my pastors was telling me, she can't use her two hands from nowhere. The hands can't be used anymore."
So the question is, what is this? So I just sit back and I'm like, "Okay, this was even in the UK." So what is she doing? What are she, she's done every, she's even a medical person. So what am I supposed to sit down? And these are many more.