Transcription
Welcome back everybody. My name is Kevin. It's so good to be here with you this evening. By now, you should know that narcissistic abuse is only progressive. Meaning, the abusive dynamic of the relationship never gets better. It only gets worse. What started out as teasing turns into backhanded comments, then turns into outrages, then turns into threats, then turns into physical violence. It doesn't matter what you do. It doesn't matter how kind you are, how loving you are, how patient you are. It does not matter if you get therapy, counseling, or couples this, that, and the other. It doesn't matter if you believe you learn enough about narcissism to play their game and to submit to what they want. None of this matters, and none of this will stop the abuse from becoming colder and cruer and meaner and progressive over time.
But the question is, why? Why, Kevin, are narcissists progressive in their abuse? Why do they become colder and cruer and meaner? Why is abuse progressive? After 10 years of coaching, I've come to two major realizations about the psychology of narcissistic people and why their abuse is so aggressively progressive, why it never slows down, why it never has an end, why it can only keep going more and more and more. And I'm going to share these two things with you. And by the end of this message, you're going to have a better understanding of what it is you're dealing with and the decision that you need to make to protect your sanity, your peace, and your life, and your purpose, and your calling. Let's get into this. My name is Kevin, and this is [Music]
Now, before I get into this message, let me remind you that I am here to support you. Down in the description box right below this video, you'll find access for one-on-one appointments with me. I do take telephone calls and video calls through Zoom, FaceTime, and WhatsApp. So, if you're stuck in a toxic cycle with a narcissistic person, family member, ex, husband, wife, and the abuse is getting worse and colder and cruer, it's not getting any better. Don't hesitate. Reach out to me. Let's strategize together to break you free of the toxicity once and for all.
Also, the ROI does have a private membership available for you where you get daily live support from me with a community of people from all over the world. We do have weekly fellowship together. We have weekly Zoom calls together. There's a workout program. There's a fasting protocol. There's all kinds of things to get you back onto the right path in this life. Last but not least, the Royal Wii does have a fitness channel. I'm going to put the link to the fitness channel. It's not going to cost you anything except a subscription. And I challenge you in this way. Spend 30 minutes of your day with me working out. Just 30 minutes a day. And we will accomplish what most people go to the gym and try to do within two hours. All right, I challenge you to do this with me and at the end of six months, we're going to see the transformation take place physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, head on down there or actually just click up there, right? Follow that link, do the workouts, try to keep up with me. It shouldn't be too hard, right? The workouts aren't that hard, but they're good. I promise you.
Now, let's get into this deep dive of narcissistic abuse, why it's so progressive. Now, I did put a short out last night. I was thinking while I was trying to go to sleep and I couldn't go to sleep because I was thinking of all of you and it came to my mind this conversation. Why is abuse progressive? Why is there no end to it? Why don't they ever calm down? No matter how much kindness and patience you show them, the abuse is always progressive. And I happened to make a short while I was lying in my bed and I believe that it came across pretty good. But because I was shirtless, I think that people may have gotten the point, but some people may have just been looking at the fact that I was shirtless. I'm not sure. But I do know this that it deserves a deeper dive into it. I want to break it down even further so that we can understand it.
So to understand this, we have to first understand who you are watching this video. You're an empathic person. I'm an empathic person. Empathy by its very nature has a few attributes that are absolutely infuriating to narcissistic people. Makes it impossible to work together with a narcissistic type of personality. And the reason is because narcissistic people have no empathy. Now, what does this mean exactly? Narcissistic people with their lack of empathy means that they have to have a reaction from a person. So, here's reason number one. Here's reason number one. Are you ready? A narcissistic person has to find the limits of another person in order to know who that person is. This is how they connect. This is how they bond. A narcissistic person cannot not even bond with you until they understand your limits. Imagine. I mean, it's sick. I know it sounds weird because as an empath, you don't understand that. Neither do I. Because empathy, and I'm talking about the God-given gift of empathy. I'm not talking about the learned form of empathy, the fake empathy that narcissists can go to college and get a degree in because they study Sigman Freud and how everything is the consequence of a rough childhood and then they get to become psychologists and counselors where they get to make people feel bad about their childhoods, right? I'm not talking about that learned form of fake empathy. I'm talking about a spiritual god-given gift of empathy. It's what's inside of you that allows you to feel and sense and see what's going on inside of another person so that you don't have to find their limits. You already know and you always try to keep a buffer and a pad and a safe space because you understand human limits because it comes from the feeling within you. You know what you don't like and therefore you wouldn't want to come close to that in another person. Narcissistic people don't have this. Narcissistic people know what they don't like. But without the God-given gift of empathy, with there being nothing but a black hole in that place where empathy should have been placed in their life by God, they don't have that. They know what they don't like, but when they look at another person, they don't understand them. They can't compute. It doesn't make any sense to them. They have to push buttons and find the limits. Like, what is this thing? What's where's the limit? I got to find the limit.
And now, some of you might be saying, Kevin, this is weird. You bring God into this. It's why would God give some people empathy and why would God leave empathy out of other people? That's a great fantastic question. I challenge you to press into your faith and perhaps you can ask that question to God because that belongs to God. That's an answer that only God can answer. No psychologist, no counselor, no nobody on the face of this planet is going to be able to answer that question for you. That's a question for God. And perhaps maybe I can talk about that in a video uh at a different time. But for the purpose of this video, all you need to simply understand is that there are people such as yourself who have this God gift, God-given gift of empathy, meaning you feel. You don't need to find a limit of another person because you already know it. What's inside of them is like it's it's inside of you. Okay? With narcissistic people, it's absent. They have no choice but to poke and prod and try to figure out and try to find your limitations.
Now, this gets excruciatingly painful for a narcissistic person in dealing with an empath. All right, here we go. Why? Because empathic people, because of your love, because of your patience, because of your peace, your limits are almost impossible to find. This is what drives narcissistic people nuts about you. They can't find your limits. And when they think they found your limit, when they think they pushed your buttons enough, guess what happens? You come back. You might be upset for a moment. You might shed some tears. You might be angry. You might walk away. But then you come back with this smile on your face and this peace, this inner peace because you're an empath and you carry this inner peace with you and you're good and you forgive them and you have grace and you have compassion and you have empathy and you still show them love. What does this tell a narcissistic person? It says, "Wow, well, I don't know this person because I haven't found their limits yet." You've told them that they haven't found your limits. You see, with an empathic person, the limits are impossible to find. Why? Because you will be loving and kind and compassionate and forgiving all the way up to the point of your death. Because that's who you are. That's how God's designed you. Which means that your limits are almost impossible. It's, as I call it, mission impossible for a narcissistic person. It's a challenge above all challenges for a narcissistic person to find your limits. So, what starts off as their slight jabs and digs and it might hurt, it might make you uncomfortable, but because you bounce right back and you're loving and compassionate, you're empathetic, they're like, "Huh, well, I thought that was a limit, but I guess it's not." Look at them. Narcissistic person saying in their mind, "Look at them. Peaceful, happy. Dog on it, that's not right. I I thought I found their limit as to what breaks them because I need to understand them. I don't know if I don't know what breaks them, I don't know them. And so, they have to uh they have to amp up. So, they go from this the teasing to complete demeaning and devaluation of you. And once again, as an empathic person, it hurts. It breaks you momentarily, but because of your empathy, you bounce back again out of love and kindness and forgiveness. And once again, you've shown the narcissistic person they haven't found your limit yet. Do you see what's taking place here? So, the narcissistic person is blown back again and they become even more enraged. Why can I not find your limit? Why have I not found what truly breaks you? Because it's impossible. As an empathic person, nothing will break you until you're dead. That's how God designed you. And so the narcissistic person ramps it up again. Now they go into outrages and blowing up in your face and getting right within inches of your face, yelling and screaming, hoping this is going to be their limit. This is going to completely break them and finally I'm going to get to know them and I'm going to understand where their limits are. And so sure you may push them back. You may leave for a while, but then you come back with love, with a smile on your face, with empathy, with compassion, giving, nurturing, and loving. And so once again, the narcissistic person's like, I have not found their limit yet. You see, I feel like you understand where I'm going. I don't need to give more examples. You can also see how this can progress all the way up to the end, all the way up to where a narcissistic person can act violently and put their hands on you, all effort to find your limits.
And now you're probably saying, "Kevin, it still doesn't make sense. Why do they need to know my limits so badly?" Because to a narcissistic person without empathy, again, this comes down to not having the gift of empathy. They do not know what a person is without knowing its limitations. That emptiness of empathy means they have to find the limit for them to even know what they're dealing with. That's all there is to it. If they cannot find the limits of this thing, then they don't even know what it is. It boggles their mind. It destroys them. It's It's like they're up against some power they can't understand, and they're freaking out. Yes, you freak the narcissist out with your constant giving and loving and compassion and empathy and nurturing. They have to find your limits and they will keep going all the way up until it kills you. So, as an empathic person, understand this. You have a very by your very nature, you have a very high tolerance for pain. That's a part of empathy. Meaning, you don't have limitations. All right? If you're not careful and you don't know what boundaries are and you don't learn how to establish boundaries by your nature, you don't have limitations. You will always bounce back with love, kindness, empathy, compassion, which means in the hands of a narcissistic person, they have to keep trying your limits until they find it. So, under principle number one or reason number one why narcissistic abuse is so progressive, it's simply because it's an impossible mission to find your limits. Only one of two things can happen. They're going to kill you and then they'll be like, "Well, I found the limit." Or you're going to leave for good and then they'll know, well, I guess I found their limit. This is simply because of your empathy. So your God-given gift of empathy can never be with somebody who has zero empathy. Because somebody with zero empathy can only experience human relationships through understanding a person's limits. An empathic person has no limits. Because of your empathy. Does this make sense to you? Not if you can understand this. This is why you can never be with an unempa empathetic unempathetic. You can never be with somebody who has no empathy. Your greatest burden in this life is finding partnerships with people who have empathy. Shared empathy. If you are with somebody who has a black hole by God's design where empathy should be, right, then they will always be stuck. They will have the burden of finding your limits because they have to to even understand you as a person. That's the only way narcissists experience the world is through understanding the limits. Where's the limits of that? Where's the limits of that? They need the rules. They need the solid rules because they feel nothing from the inside. They need the hard facts, the hard rules. This is how they navigate life because they're blind. Imagine a blind person having to feel the walls, having to feel what's around them. That's what narcissistic people do. They have to touch. They have to experience. They have to get the reaction. They have to know what the limits are. And when you're an empathic person always showing up, you become limitless. And the narcissistic person is like walking blind and there's no wall. There's nothing for them to feel. So they keep going and they keep pressing into you and they become more abusive and they become more angry and they become more upset and they become more outraged all the way up to the point of possibly killing you all simply because they have nothing to stop them. They haven't found any limits yet within you. This is why you can never be with a narcissistic person. Not intimately. You can work together with them at a job perhaps in very minimal very minimal amounts of time, but never intimate because they must find that wall within you. And as an empathic person, that wall doesn't exist. I know because I'm an empathic person. We don't have walls. We bounce back from everything. It's like that saying, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. That's the empathic way. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. When we're hurt, we bounce back with a smile on our face. Ready to love again. That's the empath's way. This is the way to a narcissistic person. It's like a neverending it's it it's like a never- ending challenge of finding finding where the walls are. Like a blind person or or somebody just walking in complete darkness, not knowing where they're at, having nothing to feel themselves on. That's how narcissistic people feel when they're with you. There's nothing to hold them up. It's a terrifying thing for a narcissistic person. So they must raise the abuse in order to know where that limit is.
Now the second reason. So that's reason number one. All right. Reason number one is because you as an empathic person are limitless. So narcissistic people have no choice but to find that limit. Reason number two, and I'm curious to know your comments, by the way. Put your comments down below, right? Share with me your thoughts on this, whether you agree or disagree. Again, this is after 10 years of me coaching and having these realizations and having experienced narcissistic people. I believe I'm spot on about the black hole in their empathy, right? They have no God-given empathy. That is something unique to you. Not everybody has it. Narcissists definitely don't have it. Right? Reason number two. All right. This is kind of like reason number one. It it rides on the coattails of reason number one. Reason number two is not only do they need the limits to know who they're dealing with, what kind of person you are, they need limits imposed on their life, not only is it to understand you as a person, but the limits of pushing your buttons also feeds them. Okay? Your reaction feeds them. Narcissistic people are addicted to the reactions of the world. They do not feel alive unless they're receiving a reaction. A narcissistic person feels dead inside. They feel like they don't exist unless the world or people around them are reacting to them either positively or negatively. You put a narcissistic person alone in a room long enough, they will implode. They will die. They don't they don't have again this is because of a lack of empathy. With the God-given gift of empathy comes the ability to self-regulate. You're able to self-regulate your emotions. You're able to think. You're able to process. As an empathic person, you process your feelings. You process your emotions. You can self-regulate. You can be on your own and be just fine. As a matter of fact, many of you coming out of toxic relationships, you you have no desire to be in another relationship, right? We don't need other people. We don't need the reactions of people to feel to be alive. Narcissistic people do. They require the reactions of people.
Now, you as an empath, because you're empathic, because you're able to learn and to adjust over time, if you love somebody who's narcissistic, what started out as their name calling in the beginning, one of the things you didn't realize, or maybe they're teasing you, we'll start with the teasing you because that's the the basic place where narcissistic people start is with little teases, right? Sugarcovered shits, whatever you want to call them, right? Where where they just kind of backhanded compliments, whatever you want to call it, where they're just teasing you. They're not just teasing you. It's for a specific purpose. It feeds them. That slight look on your face, that slight movement of discomfort, that little shocking look on your face, the gesture, they're like, "Why did you just do that?" That feeds them. They're like, "Yes, that felt good. I got a reaction out of them." It's the attention, the reaction, negative, positive or negative reaction feeds them. Over time, they become addicted to this in the relationship. That's right. You become the narcissistic person's addiction. They're addicted to you, but not in a healthy way. They're not addicted to you because you're beautiful. They're not addicted to you because you're sexy. They're not addicted to you because they're in love with you. It's not that type of addiction. They're addicted to you because there's something about the reaction you give them that makes them feel powerful. It's a sick and twisted addiction. This is why so they start off with these name callings. They start off with the passive aggressive. They get a reaction from you and they become addicted to that. They I I like that. That felt good. That made me feel good. The fact that I matter in this so much. I'm I'm gaining control. I'm gaining power. But now watch this. As an empathic person, as we talked before, because you have a high tolerance for pain, a high threshold for this stuff, and they're unable to find your limits, you bounce back. You're smiling. You have peace over time. Their same little jabs don't really work in the same way with you. It's not as effective. Before you know it, their little underhanded comments, you're like, "H, okay, whatever." Well, now is that the reaction they need to feed their addiction? No. Right? It's like somebody who's addicted to alcohol where you know when they start two beers might get them buzzed. Well, after that they need four, then they need six, then they need eight. Right? The same is true here, right? It's like giving you calling you little names. Well, the reaction isn't working for them anymore. It's not the same. They need more or else they're freaking out because their their addiction is not being fed. They're not their supply is not being met. Their need for supply. Their addiction is not being met. So, they have to raise the ante. They have to do something even more shocking. They have to get you to move a different way. They have to get you to react a little bit harder. So, this is where they maybe go into a rage and what used to be little underhanded comments is now an all-out rage, yelling and screaming in your face.
And you're like, "What in the world are you doing? Why are you blowing up like this?" Ah, and they got you. You see what just happened right there is exactly what fed their addiction. You stopping, saying, "Why are you doing this? Why are you yelling at me?" That's when they were able to go, "All right, got it. Thank you. You gave me my fix right there." Just you making that move, asking me why I'm yelling, why I'm so angry, right? That felt good. Now I realize I'm I'm back in control again.
But even after that, they're yelling and screaming. Over time, you become kind of immune to it. Okay, they're just a jerk. They yell and scream. I'm not going to let it bother me. And empathic people are notorious for that. You stop letting it get to you. You're like, "Whatever. Distance yourself from it." Well, how's that feeding the narcissistic person? What is that doing for their addiction to you? Nothing. So now they have to raise the bar again. They have to do something even more shocking. So perhaps they do something risky or dangerous. The threat of violence, physicality, anything to get you back, to get that look on your face again that feeds their addiction.
So these two things that I shared with you this evening, they work together. One is the need to find your limits because they don't know you as a human being unless they can find your absolute limit. Number two is that while they're finding your limit, it's feeding their addiction. These are the two things you're up against when you deal with narcissistic people.
So, you see, the relationship is doomed to fail because you're empathic and because they're narcissistic, because you have this God-given gift from within you to feel the world around you. And because narcissistic people have the absence of the ability to feel the world around them, you can never be together. This relationship is doomed to fail. You by your very nature of being loving, kind, generous, empathic, peaceful, self-regulated, able to take on various words and things and let it bounce off your shoulders over time. Your very nature is the arch enemy of a narcissistic person who needs to know a person's limits above all else, who also needs to be fed through their addiction of knowing that they're they're getting something, a reaction from you.
So, as an empathic person, you are the enemy of a narcissist, and a narcissist will always be the enemy of you. There can be no peace between an empath and a narcissistic person. There can be no peace, not intimately. You can have peace working together temporarily. You can have peace if you see each other maybe once every two years or once a year. But the only reason is is because all intimacy is gone. There's a break in intimacy. You can never have an intimate relationship because a narcissistic person will never understand your limits, will never be able to find your limits, will always accept that as a challenge, and their addiction will never be met. And you, on the other hand, will never understand why they keep becoming colder and cruer and nastier.
As I said before, I'm here to support you. Down in the description box right below this video, you'll find access for one-on-one appointments with me. I do take telephone calls and video calls through Zoom, FaceTime, and WhatsApp. So, don't hesitate to reach out to me. Schedule that time right now. Also, consider joining the Roy Private membership. You can download the app down in the description box. Be sure to share this video with somebody who needs to see it. Like this video. Subscribe to this channel if you haven't already. I'll be back with more videos for you right here on the Royal Week. Bye, everyone.