Transcription
Narcissists pathologically view themselves as the victim. Even in situations where they have actually victimized you, particularly in situations where you point out how they have victimized, how they have hurt you, how they have let you down. Anything that challenges their image of themselves—that they are perfect, righteous, just, amazing, deeply empathetic, kind, caring, generous—no matter what they actually do and how they actually treat you behind closed doors will send them into a frenzy of self and ego protection of the image that they have of themselves in their mind.
And if you try to hold a narcissist accountable for something that they have done wrong, some way that they have hurt you, or let you down, or treated you badly, they will immediately duck out of that situation. Deny any wrongdoing, attack you, reverse the victim and offender order onto themselves—being the victim—and then accuse you of being the abuser, you of being the one that attacked them, that hurt them. Paint you out to be the villain, you out to be the crazy person; you're actually the abuser. They don't deserve any of this. They just need to protect themselves from you because you're crazy. You're too much. You're the one that's actually always in the wrong. You're the one that's actually hurting them, and they don't deserve it. They don't deserve to be treated this way, and they're not going to take it anymore because you're abusive. You're crazy. Sound familiar?
Whereas in reality, you were the victim. You were the one that was hurt. But they lead you into these pathological, crazy arguments and crusades of self-protection and ego protection, often to the point of actually confabulating—which is where they subconsciously rewrite the order of events or rewrite history to the point that they actually believe it—in order to protect their own ego and their own image of themselves that they are, like I said before, kind, caring, deeply empathetic, and not at all the cold, cruel, callous, manipulative, empathiless monster that they often show themselves to be. You're not crazy. It's not you. You're simply dealing with a deeply, deeply pathological person.
And always remember that someone who is healthy enough, who doesn't have a personality disorder, who's not pathological, who actually cares about you, if they hear that they have hurt you, that they have let you down, that they have done something wrong, their first instinct is to listen, to reflect, to empathize, to care, not to flip the script and protect their own ego. That's a narcissist.