Session 3 - Discovery Call & Agreement (20th June, 2026 Cohort)

thing is that ICF has a process, but ICF gives you a lot of creative liberty in terms of designing your engagement. So we'll talk about that. We'll talk about what are the different kinds of agreements that we need to keep in mind and how to do that.

Going to talk about what a discovery session is. If all of you have, you know, experienced co-coaching before, either as a coach or as a client, you might know what that is. But we're going to get a little bit deeper into the psychology of conducting a discovery session. Uh, we're going to talk about specifically how to do an agreement in the session. It is possibly one of the most technical things to do when we are coaching ICF style and something that is very, very important, and we'll, we'll, we'll talk about why that is. So, we're not going to do coaching practice, um, but we're going to do some kind of practice which is going to be around agreement towards the end of the session. All right.

So, before we begin, um, I'm going to invite invitations from you actually, rather than put you in a breakout room. Keep in mind the first two sessions that you've had so far and the recording that you just did. So, you've, you've had a brush with, you know, how to do that. Um, any idea or skill or awareness that has emerged for you or stayed with you. So, we can start off with Mark, in no particular order. It's just how I see you guys on my screen. So, if anybody would want me to wait, they can always ask me and we, we can circle back to them. Yes, Mark.

Um, so I would say probably the biggest challenge that I've had to try and adapt to is trying to like evoke, uh, awareness and I suppose question without giving guidance or without giving direction because of the leadership role that I'm in. That tends to, uh, be something that I have to do quite regularly. So, it's like take that, taking that step back and refrain from giving my advice and just, you know, probing and questioning and and allowing the client to to lead in the direction that they want to go. That's probably been the biggest takeaway, I would say.

Yeah, that's a solid one. I think that's a, that's a difficult one to unlearn, a difficult habit to, uh, to unlearn because we've been so programmed and conditioned to be that way. Awesome.

Um, Michael.

Um, a couple of learnings I guess is, um, how powerful silence can be. Um, I think we're naturally programmed to to to fill that silence. Um, you know, that awkward silence, if we want to call it, um, but how powerful that silence can be and we've done a lot of practice in the session last week on that. It was really, really powerful. I do think it's very similar to what Mark mentioned as well. Um, naturally in in in in a leadership role in in my work, it is that sort of sometimes, you know, you are coaching, but then a lot of the time it does come with imparting knowledge or imparting advice and just with the pace of of workplaces and people come seeking that. Um, I know in the session, the the recorded session we done, it was, I kind of struggled a little bit with the getting down to the actionable steps at the at the end of the call because, I knew myself, my natural biases, I was telling myself, you're, you're, you're nearly giving advice. So the more I kind of funneled that conversation down, I felt I was refraining from actually getting there, because I, you know, so but that, look, it's all, all learning and I definitely learned from the process and from reflecting after on the call.

Absolutely. And it kind of, hopefully by the end of this program, you'll kind of understand how to seamlessly try, uh, tie up awareness and action. Um, and, you know, in, I always say awareness before action because you can't change what you don't know, you have to change. Uh, so action kind of needs to seamlessly flow in from that awareness you're getting. And you're absolutely right about the silence bit of it. Not only are we programmed to fill up silence, I think our belief systems around silence is that it, it's going to be uncomfortable. This is not what the client wants to hear or experience, or the client is going to question, hey, you know, what's your role then as a coach if you're just going to sit there silently? I was once asked that. But silence is a skill that is very difficult to master. So, it's something that very, uh, skillful coaches know how to bring in and use it. And I was talking about this with somebody else that it's just not the practice of being silent that's not it. It's just not shutting your mouth. It's knowing when to be silent, how long to be silent, um, while you're silent, what your body language needs to be, how are you still holding presence, and then also how frequently do you need to be silent? What are the, the right junctures in the conversation where silence is the most useful and when it is not also?

Brilliant. That's a good one you raised and we'll definitely flag that. Elaine.

Hi. Um, yeah, I mean, I echo Mark and Michael in the in terms of the challenges. I've been coaching for a while and I think the thing, um, I find or the things I find most challenging is, yeah, not jumping into the advice trap. Uh, not coming with a predetermined outcome. Um, so, you know, I feel like particularly when I first started coaching, I always had a, you know, a I guess a mental mode of what I hoped would be the outcome of the session or the the the the change in the in the behavior of the person, um, or perhaps even just, you know, action steps. So, um, it's, I, I, it's an ongoing struggle to you to kind of close, close those thoughts out and rather, you know, focus on the person. Um, we did a little activity last week which I found really interesting. Um, was whereby one person was talking and the coach, the other person was observing the individual. So, not just listening, but observing their body language, their energy, etc. and then reflecting that back. Um, and I found, you know, as the coach in that experiment, I found that really interesting. It, it stimulated a different train of thinking just from that noticing. Um, so that's something I'd really like to use as well going forwards where it's appropriate.

Absolutely. And two sort of key words I want you to write down somewhere is, and it's going to come up again and again, is one, this entire process is client-led, always. So when it's client-led, then your, there's no room for your advice or your direction or your predetermined kind of format or outcome. So that's one. And, um, the second one was, um, it just slipped my mind what I was going to say. It was about this first thing you said. Yeah. So client-led, but also the entire process works in a way where it is so when you, it's, it's not always going to be about your questions. So what Michael and Mark also said, silence also plays a role, like you said, noticing body language. It's not, so the phrase I'm going to give you is, listening actively means listening to what is being said, but also to what is not being said. And usually the insights, we're going to talk about insights in a later session. That's where it lives. What is not being said, it is not being said because most likely the client has never even thought about it. So silence creates that space where they can go deeper into themselves and find out what is it that I've never said or talked about or shared. And that's where those moments of reflection change into transformation.

Awesome. Karen.

Um, I hate reiterating things that people have said, but all the other things that they've said, the silence. I am not good with silence. I'm one of those people that when I've done practice coaching sessions, I jump in a bit too soon to ask the next question. So, I've really had to work on that to make sure I do give them more space than I would normally. And it's a tough one. Um, I love being a mentor. So, I love giving advice and it's knowing that line where you're no longer in mentor mode and you're in coaching mode, and making sure that I've got that clear delineation. I can't even say the words, regarding that. And that is a big one because in my day role, in my day-to-day job, I'm not the initial ideas person, but I'm the person that once you've given me the idea, I run with it. I build on it. I develop it. So, not being able to share things that could be in my agenda is a tough one. And it's something that I know I've got to work on and, but knowing it's got its purpose in a mentorship place and then a coaching place, you just have to make sure you separate them.

Brilliant. So, I'll give you two tips and I'm giving them to you already because they're going to come in handy in your future sessions. Number one, um, while of course we are training you on the coaching hat, but like you said, there are these are different hats, these are different modalities, and eventually you, you will find a way with your clients where you can, uh, design a program where you're putting different hats on. So, for example, when I work with corporates, I usually put on three hats. I'm a trainer, and I'm a mentor, and I'm a coach. It depends what kind of program I design with them. So, and similarly, there was a time when I used to work with teenagers and, um, educators and parents as an ecosystem, and it was similar. So, so that for a time period, I'm a trainer. I would, you know, whatever issues they're bringing in, we, we kind of design a program around it. Then there are a few sessions which are mentoring sessions depending on the need, and then followed by individual coaching sessions for, you know, um, high power leaders and understanding, hey, the change has to come from the top, or sometimes it starts with the training, and then it's coaching first, and then when they figure out their ecosystem, then we identify maybe there's something to do with mentoring. So, that is possible. Uh, but yes, for the purposes of this program, you need to learn how is it that you can purely, um, function as a coach, and yes, that's unlearning that will come with time, don't worry. So, that's one.

Um, second, when, so even in a, in an ICF session, within a session, the new competencies which all of you are following, luckily, they're a little bit more relaxed. So, you could share something from your side, but there's a way to do it. I'll just quickly talk about that. But before I say that, with caution, so this cannot be your personal experience because that would really, a word that I often use, would contaminate the space. So, if there's a clear, you know, glass of water, or you can't see it, you can't see it. Um, and if you put like a little sugar in it, even though it's going to make it sweet, it's still going to contaminate that pure water in there, right? So, it cannot be your personal experience. It cannot be a specific advice that I think this is what should you should do because, hey, I've spoken to so many leaders, so I know how it's going to be. But the way to do that is to put a learning nugget out there, so to speak, for the client to taste and then check in with them, how does it, how does it taste? How does it resonate with you? So, for example, if I'm speaking with leaders and let's say they're struggling with, you know, um, overthinking, or there's struggling with certain leadership habits in their context, suddenly, because I work with so many leaders, so I know there are resources, there are things. So, I'll say, "Oh, you know, this makes me think of something I read in XYZ book. How do you feel? So, taking permission because it's client-led, how do you feel about me bringing it to the table and sharing it with you?" There are times when my client says, "No, not right now, but maybe at a later stage. Right now, I want to talk about what I'm talking about." And that's fine. Or they'll say, "Yes, please." And then when I share it, I'll share it very briefly, the part that is important and relevant to them, and then I'll connect it with a coaching question. So, "How does that connect to your experience? How does that resonate with you in that example that I just took? What stood out for you? What was the part that resonated most with you?" So, this way, they take a learning nugget, they taste it, and then they think in their own brain how to process that. You don't process it for them. Does that make sense? Similarly, that's the similar way to share a metaphor, for example, or anything for. So, there has been a time when I said that, "Oh, I, this makes me think of another, uh, a similar challenge that another client of mine was sharing." And of course, I will maintain confidentiality and not name the client or the company, but I'll share the experience they had. And then I took permission and right away I asked them, "What part of that makes more sense to you? What do you learn from that? What insight did you just get from from the example I shared?" So, then it becomes about them, how they process it, rather than about me enforcing an agenda.

Brilliant. Thank you for bringing that up, Karen. And never say that there's repetition because different people have different ways of perceiving and interpreting the same thing. So, you look at silence in a different way than maybe Michael or somebody else.

Awesome. Sana.

Yes. So, this is very similar to everything that has been discussed. Um, just, uh, letting go of the fix-it mindset. You know, you're not the savior here. You are not the, you are saving somebody in distress. So, just, uh, the to develop the ability to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of somebody because like you said, we've been conditioned to fix and solve and, you know, save people out of it. It's not an uncomfortable place. It's actually a place of self-reflection and, you know, you have to like team up with them, uh, to sit there and to reflect with them on, uh, that that was very challenging for me because as a mother, I am a, I'm a, I'm a mentor, I'm a savior, I'm a fix-it person 24 by 7. So, to, you know, to just shut off that side of mine and to listen to them without giving my own opinions or my own input. So, that was, that was something to learn.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, as a mother, as an individual, we want to be superheroes. But then the flip in the narrative is that as superheroes, our superpower now is coaching. Our superpower now is eliciting self-reflection. Our superpower now is to help others brainstorm. It's just the superpower. We're still superheroes. It's just what kind of superpower we have now.

Awesome. Fessel.

So, coming from corporate, um, I always used to confuse between mentoring and coaching. It's very simple because I used to feel like, uh, at time, both of these terms converge, but at the same time, both are different as well. So, my first session, in my two sessions, I was able to reframe my mind, actually create a difference between these two approaches. Number one. Yeah. We do, um, as we all talked about, like, uh, we are always there to guide. As a, as a corporate, uh, people, we, we are always there to fill in. So, to stop, to stop ourselves, to hold our feelings, and eventually let the other one explore the better one out of it, is one thing I think that that's with me for now. And the Johari window, like, uh, the fourth part, the tapping the untapped potential, uh, it's, it's really critical in terms of our job role as well, in terms of coaching as well. So, I believe that stayed with me for now. Um, another thing that was with me, but I've, I've just skipped. I would share definitely within, within few minutes if it come.

Absolutely. Don't worry. Put it in the chat or just come off. Brilliant. That's a really strong one and again, I'll put a little reframe on the word guide. You don't have to shed that identity completely. It's just that now you're guiding the client's thought process. So, you're not guiding them towards a solution. You're just guiding them to to understand what their thoughts are, how they make sense of it, and how they design a solution that comes from them. So, that's a, that's a frame that has really helped me when I look at the word guide.

Um, Mahajabin, I'm just curious if you're comfortable coming off mute, if not on video.

Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Great. So, uh, just in case, since you joined late, what we're doing is, you can let me know where you're signing in from, and what we're discussing is that in, you've experienced two sessions from now. So, what is one thing that has stayed with you in terms of coaching?

All right. Absolutely. I'm sorry, your voice glitched a little. What was the first thing? Uh, I have, where are you calling in from?

All right. I'm calling in, uh, currently right now, I'm in Lahore, but I am, uh, based out of Karachi, Pakistan.

All right. So, um, what has stayed with me in these two sessions, um, I think after experiencing the recorded session as well, the practice coaching session too, and going through this is, um, because innately, in in the profession that I'm in currently, I am a coach, but obviously not a certified one. I'm also a mentor, I'm also a trainer, um, I'm also a guide, which I feel is prevalent in all of these, um, three roles as well. So, to probe further in coaching, what I have, um, um, you know, sort of, I think the challenging aspect that I need to work on is that when you have to probe further without not taking them towards a solution, is something that I feel that I need to work on. And that is something that has stayed on with me, that the client, the coach, he themselves, him or herself, has to arrive at a solution, and we're just guiding them, but the probing questions have to be in a way that helps them arrive at that quicker or faster, or maybe in a more profound manner, perhaps.

Um, so, yeah.

Brilliant. So, the word I'll highlight here is the word profound, because quicker and faster, not necessarily. Remember, if it's client-led, it's also, we're always going to follow their pace. The structure is ours, and we'll look at that today. But the pace is theirs.

Um, so, but the, the word you used before that, probe, is a very solid word, because so there is one thing we say, surface-level awareness. But that cannot bring, um, transformation. So, I'm aware that I get angry when I'm challenged, for example. And maybe I wasn't aware, and I got aware of it in the coaching. That's good. But what, what are some of the triggers? What are some of the patterns? What are some of the root causes? How does my anger actually play out? What is the impact of my anger? If I were to, you know, what is the cost that I'm incurring because of being angry? If I were to change, how would I change myself? What skills do I already have to make sure that I change that anger? Why do I even want to change that habit? Those are all the things that come from a deeper level, um, uh, reflection. And I, I believe Mark used the word evokes awareness, which is also an ICF competency. It is evoking. So, not giving awareness, not handing it out, but evoking. It's, it's a process that happens inside the head and the body and the heart of the client. So, that's another phrase to always put it down.

All right. Brilliant. Thank you for sharing, everybody. This was very profound. Um, and, um, I think it's a great platform for us to build on today's session. Uh, can you all see the screen full screen? Yeah, Michael, I see you. So, just give me a quick thumbs up if, yeah. Awesome. All right. So, what we're going to do is just, All right. Now, let's, let's look at the structure first. Um, this is useful for those who are new to coaching. This is also useful for those who've been coaching for a while. Just a quick, um, point that I want to flag is that this is a recommended, um, structure to follow. So, ICF does not define it for you what kind of structure you want to have. You're very free to do as you wish there. Um, but this is the recommended method and I'll tell you why. Having said that, there's always going to be deviations from it. Um, and I'll also walk you through that. So, um, number one, first things first, um, the first thing we do is a discovery session. It is a very, um, it is a very useful norm of the coaching world, something that I've not seen in other modalities, is to conduct a discovery session. So, a discovery session, as the word suggests, is to discover, and it's not one-sided. You are discovering the client, if that is the right client for you to work with. There are two aspects to look at that for, one is it the right client for coaching? Are they ready for coaching? Are they coachable or not? And we'll look at at that in a little bit. So, just flag it for now, just pin it for now, and you will discover that in the discovery session, when you're speaking to them, for example, you'll know if that's, you already know now the differences between clients. If a client is coming into a discovery session, making it clear that they want therapy or mentoring, um, and even after the discovery session, they're holding on to it, you know, that's not your client. However, I have had many, many clients who've signed up saying, "Oh, we thought this was like maybe some kind of therapy. So, we were curious." And by the end of the session, they said, "You know what? After listening to you, we realize that we don't need therapy, we need coaching. This is what we need at this time." So, sometimes the clients don't speak the language of coaching, and discovery session becomes a great opportunity for them to understand that. Second, um, maybe you don't feel the chemistry with the client. So, which is why this is also called a chemistry session. So, it is essential to do this session before you get into the coaching. The only time I skip discovery session is when it's a repeat client because we've already, you know, we know each other, we have a relationship. That's the only time I don't do it.

Now, second question that I often get asked is, who to do the discovery session if there is more than one party involved? So, you'll see this word pop up again and again. There are three parties to a coaching relationship, sometimes even four. Uh, the coach, the client, and the sponsor. So, in a lot of cases, your client is the one paying you. But in, especially in in corporate context or in in a parent-child relationship, the person getting the coaching is not the person who's paying for the coaching. So, a company HR is paying for a client for their leaders to be your clients, or a parent is paying for the child. So, in that case, the sponsor has certain, you know, questions as well. So, in that case, I do two discovery sessions. I meet the sponsor first, uh, and if they are good to go with it, we sign the contract, and then I meet the actual clients as well. All right. Sometimes, really depends on the context. Sometimes I'd meet them even before I sign the the contract. Uh, it is always free. I don't think I know anybody who charges for the discovery session, and you'll find out in a way, in a little bit, why, because essentially, it is before your relationship starts. It's to decide if you and the client want to work together. So, I talked about what you have to discover, what the client is discovering. I'll get into that in a little bit in more detail, but the client is discovering, number one, if coaching is what they want right now or need right now. Number two, if you are the right coach for them or not. And number three, the general logistics of how does it work, what's involved, how many sessions, etc., etc. So, this is all before they make a decision to start working with you. So, that's that comes first.

Then, um, the question that I get asked is that after the discovery session, can we just not do one coaching session, one at a time? You, so let's say if Karen is my client, Karen would schedule one session and then she will decide if she wants to do another one. So, we call that ad hoc coaching. Um, the disadvantage of that is coaching is a slow marination process. It's a slow cook process. It's not instant. You will not see, nothing would happen in an instant format. It takes lot of weeks of slow marination, slow cooking before the client, you know, awareness is evoked, before the client starts seeing patterns and starts moving towards a certain direction. So, it takes away from the experience when you make it just one session at a time. I make this very clear in the discovery session that, you know, this is how you should look at coaching. If this is something instant for you, then maybe mentoring is what you're looking for. That's one. Number two, from from your point of view as well, from a business point of view or a marketing point of view, it's, it's, it's very painful for you if you have random clients and you don't know how to kind of link those sessions together. So, a, a program of minimum four sessions in my experience is what I've seen and also recommends this. And maximum could be, no maximum. It's something that you just contract with the client. I usually start off with four or six sessions, and then sometimes it, it might be eight or 12, um, as well. So, really something a question that needs to come up when you're speaking to the client in the discovery sessions.

Um, so now what I do is that I start off with an intake session. Again, this is completely, you know, optional. It's your choice. Some people just get into coaching. Sorry, one quick thing that I want to flag. Uh, the only exception I make to ad hoc coaching is when it's a repeat client. So, if a client has, let's say, done a six to eight or 12-session program with me, and then I like to stay connected with them. So, let's say it's, I, I have a lot of such clients who are leadership working on leadership with me, and then I keep it open to you that every time you come up with a leadership challenge and you want to get together for a quick one to two sessions to kind of get into that, you can do that. You can schedule that because it's an ongoing relationship. So, that's the only time I make an exception. What I start off with, and Pesh does something very similarly, is an intake session. It's the first session, and the reason I call it an intake session is that I, it's where, um, if the client is not clear what they want out of coaching, and that might happen when there's a sponsor involved. So, they, they've been signed up for coaching, but they're not really sure. So, I'll give you a quick example. A lady signed up with me, um, through their HR. They wanted her to un, to get more confidence in her leadership capabilities. So, she came up and she said, "This is what HR told me, but I have no idea how I want to use these sessions or what I want out of them." So, we did, um, a few exercises together, a few discussions together to help her identify what is going to be her focus area and what does she want, what kind of goal she wants to set for our coaching engagement. Okay, so that's that. If they come very clear about what the theme of their coaching is, which will also happen quite frequently, then the intake session is all about understanding what is the current situation, what are some of the barriers, and some of the tools we'll brainstorm together that these tools are useful to bring in. Sometimes I'd bring a tool in in the first session, um, the one that I really recommend is the coaching wheel, but don't Google it or research it, you're going to learn about it in our last session is leading that on. Now, intake session for me is usually 60 to 90 minutes long. Um, maybe sometimes with an exception, it could be 120 minutes long.

Now, um, then come my four main coaching sessions where agreement is a must. We're going to look at the agreement in a little bit. Um, all the coaching competencies are followed. I relaxed the rules a little bit in the intake session because that's more, that's just an extended version of discovery session, but it's different from a discovery session because A, the client has paid now, B, this is where I will still be asking a lot of coaching questions. I'll be bringing in coaching tools and, um, models. So, it is, it's very much a paid session. But the, the next four sessions then become a little bit more crisp because I know what, what we have talked about in the intake session and what we have designed as deliverables together. Um, on average, this is 60 minutes long. Depending on your client, this could also be 90 minutes long.

Now, um, as a personal recommendation, I leave it to you to experiment. Um, I often get asked, what if this could be longer? Let's say a two-hour or a three-hour session. It might be longer for me if I'm doing team coaching, but other than that, I make it a point not to make it that long because, um, coaching, you'll find out, is a, is a very taxing, exhausting, uh, modality, right? For one hour or two hours that you're working with the client, you're completely present. So, it's, you need time to recover from it. So, on, on average, um, two to three sessions in a day is, three sessions in a day is already too much or or doable. So, I, I do no more than three sessions in a day of 60 minutes each because already that's a lot. So, if one session for you is two hours or three hours long, that's there's only so much you can do in a day, especially if coaching is not your full-time job or if you're doing other things as well.

Now, the last session is what I call, this is how I call it in my programs, is a review session. Um, in, now let's talk frequency. I suggest every week, but with slightly more busier clients, such as the ones, um, coming from an executive domain, they might not have every, um, you know, they might not have time every week. So, then it's bi-weekly for me. So, once in two weeks, and then sometimes it's also once a month. It really depends on how busy my client is. I recommend not, uh, closer than one per week. So, two per week might be stretching it because you need the client to sit, um, offline with what they've talked about in your session and then kind of do the backend reflection, and if they've talked about, um, an action plan, they need time to apply it before meeting you again. Um, I don't recommend, uh, going beyond one month is because again, it's our brains are going to to to forget, um, not be able to digest because it's just been too long, and it might just, you know, that's a time when the client might become a little bit lazy or a little bit relaxed about their their development process. So, uh, once a month is only when I know that my client is super busy. So, for example, their calendars are too full. So, then it's once a, once a month. The last session, I make a bigger, uh, gap because I need for them to now go take back all their learnings, insights from the four, five sessions that we've done together and see what they do with it, and maybe connect back with me after two months or one month, and then our main focus is to understand what impact have they created, what are some of the learnings that they've had, how have they applied it? So, the focus is on the application, how effective has that been, what have they learned from it, and moving from there, how do they want to proceed? So, sometimes this is where the client would tell me, "Yes, I want to renew for four more sessions. I think that there's more to dig into." Or the client would say, "Yeah, I think I have what I need, and thank you so much. We can end the engagement here." But I wouldn't leave them till we have a kind of a future accountability plan. That this is what I usually ask them. So, "How do you see your next six months or one year unfolding as a result of the work that we have done together?" So, it's a question to challenge them to understand that yes, there has to be a ripple effect of this engagement.

Any questions here or any, uh, thoughts in terms of, I'm, feel free to add your own layer if you are actively coaching. If you do something different or similar, you're very welcome to add that layer to help the rest of the room. So, go ahead if there are any questions here.

All right. Either I did a really good job or I put you all to sleep.

One, one thing, um, not, not currently, but some time ago when I was working, um, for, as a, a consulting firm and doing some coaching for them. And you mentioned about the three people, the, you know, the coachy or the, the client, the sponsor, and the coach. Um, sometimes there was a fourth person, and that was the line manager. And one of the things that, um, sometimes there was pushback from the, from, um, the sponsor or the manager to do this. But, but the, or the, the consulting firm that I worked for were very keen to promote the involvement of the manager upfront in in agreeing on the coaching goals, and also at the end of the process in reviewing progress to that, what they were seeing in terms of progress. Um, what, what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah. So, brilliant question raised. I'll just ask you to wait just a few more minutes for it because I have a, a slide on that just to get into the intricacies of that. But yes, just a while ago, I said that sometimes there are four parties, and that's exactly what I meant, that sometimes there are four parties. Um, and I'm just going to flag one thing here in terms of doing a discovery session. Then I mean, if you've got the patience and the time to do four discovery or three discovery sessions, great. But then what I do is that I combine the discovery session of the line manager and the HR because their views on this are usually very similar. So, I do one meeting, a joint meeting with them to understand, you know, what page are we on, and then I do a different one on client. Part, the one thing that I'm flagging, just, just to wait for it for a few more minutes, is to how to do the alignment of goals and how to make sure that the process is still client-led and it is not hijacked by HR or the line manager. Brilliant. But it's a great question to already ask, which already shows me that you're thinking along the lines.

All right. Let's get into what a discovery session is first. So, what a discovery session is, is an alignment of expectations. So, at its core, that's what it is, an alignment of expectations. What are the expectations that the client is bringing in? And this is where you'll know if the client is the coaching client or not. If they are expecting you to solve their problems, you know they're looking for a mentor. Um, and even if they're looking for coaching, what are they looking for? It is a chemistry and trust gauge. It is a great, uh, opportunity for you to establish that very important competency of trust and safety. If the client feels safe in that discovery session with you, they're going to, they know that, yeah, this is what I want to get into because I'm going to feel safe throughout this engagement. Um, one thing that I didn't touch upon is how long a discovery session should be. There's no right or wrong answer. Um, it depends on your client. Number one, depends on the context. Um, I have, I've done discovery sessions that are 20 minutes long as well. It's just because I've done so many of them. So, it's easier for me. Um, there have been times when the discovery session has been an hour or 90 minutes long as well. So, no, no, no, no hard and fast rule. Just depends on how much energy and time you've got. It's a great marketing tool. Remember, this is free. This is before the, the engagement starts. How, what kind of vibe they get from you. What do they understand about coaching? Especially if they've never had coaching before. Even if they've had coaching before, how do you put yourself forward? What kind of coach? What kind of styles or kind of tools you bring in? It might really excite them. So, it is a, m, it's like a, it's a viewing. It's a showing. Just as you, when you're going to buy or rent property, you go and you view the property, and that visit doesn't cost you anything, but that's when you make up your mind. So, people who make an extra effort, there are agents who do this, you know, they would put brownies in the microwave or micro, uh, popcorn in the microwave to incite the people who are coming into the house with this amazing smell. So, they're like, "Yeah, this is where we want to live. This is where we would love to be." Um, a discovery session is no different. So, your energy is very important there. The way you talk, the way you, I also give them a little, you know, it's a little bit of a taste into coaching as well. Um, for example, and I'll, I'll show that to you in a little bit, how I kind of let them know that, yeah, this is how coaching is going to be as well. And then finally, there's a purpose and process alignment, and that is very relevant when there are multiple parties involved, but with the client, if you, whoever you're working with, you make sure they know how coaching works, what coaching is, what coaching is not, what is the process look like, is it going to be four sessions or six sessions, and all of that. What it's not is that it's a, it's not a coaching session. So, you don't start coaching them. I say that because a lot of times the clients will come in and they would want to start talking about the problem or the challenge or the issue or whatever the the topic is, and you have to gently put a stop to that. What I do now after, you know, years of doing discovery session is, I don't let it get to that stage. I open up, um, discovery session is the only place where you are in charge. After that, the client is in charge. Okay? So, when you are in charge, right away, I do my introduction and I tell them, okay, this is what the agenda is. I'm going to tell you a little bit information about who I am and what my coaching process is like. So, they know very early on that this is not a coaching session. So, don't fall into that trap of starting to coach them. And gently, you can park it if they're getting into it. For example, I would say something like, "Thank you for sharing that. I would love to get into that when we actually start working together or when we start our coaching because that would be the right space where I can give the right respect and time to what you're bringing to me right now. How about we focus right now on what that relationship looks like so you can understand and make the right decision?" So, you know, it's a very gentle way of reminding them that this is not a coaching session. While I said it's a marketing tool, but it's not a sales pitch. So, it is not where you, you know, praise yourself or how amazing coaching is, and yeah, if you do this, and if you do that, and if, if you agree to do this, I'm going to give you a 10% discount. Remember, essentially, it's a conversation. And when you, so if I went and told Michael, for example, that, "Hey, I've got, you know, this bag of chips, and it's delicious, and it's going to improve your life, and you're going to love it." It's going to be a different conversation. But if I go and tell him, "Hey, I have this bag of chips, and it's on a 10% discount, and you know, if you decide fast, fast, I would give you even a further discount." Michael would be like, "Nah, not interested. Stop selling me your bag of chips." Even if I really want it, I'm put off. So, that's just human nature. Uh, so connect on a human level and not on a on a sales level. It is not about you, the coach. It is still about the client. So, even though you're in charge, it's still about the client. Why I say that is because it is not a demonstration of your skills or your capabilities or talking about how amazing you are and how you've had these amazing clients and testimonials. No. A quick tip here is that I send my, remember, the discovery session is not going to be your first point of contact with the client. You've probably already connected either on LinkedIn, or somebody has referred them, or on email where they've reached out to you and said that, "Hey, I would like to connect with you." That's when I send them a, when I send them a link to connect with me for a discovery session or a physical meeting spot, I share my, my profile with them in that moment. So, they know already who I am, what my accomplishments are, etc., etc. So, I don't have to get into them unless they have a question. Of course, like I said, it's a conversation. So, while you have to stay true to the time and, you know, it's, it's best to form, to to follow a structure, a loose structure that I'm just about to give you, remember, it is not scripted, it's not rigid. So, keep it conversational, keep it human. The more you practice with it, the easier it will get. Ah, so I suggest for designing your discovery session in a way that there, it is split into these four chunks. Each chunk is very important. Um, how much time you want to give to each also depends on the client you're working with. But I do suggest touching all of them, um, even if some of them are touched briefly. So, let me walk you through one through each of them, one by one. The most important of course, so building rapport, because the first five to eight minutes are crucial for you. The marketing research shows that, uh, that a, a client or a customer, um, if a customer walks into a shop, for example, and in this case, your client decides in the first five to eight minutes if this is going to be. So, even if you're going to go see a house, you decide in the first five to eight minutes if this is it for you. So, the first five to eight minutes are essential. So, that's when we talk about building rapport. We'll get into it in a minute. Uh, exploring the needs of the client. You need to understand what is bringing them to coaching. What is it that they want out of this coaching relationship? Super important. It's, that's the foundation on which your coaching engagement or relationship is going to rest. Your approach. So, they come in wanting to know what your approach is. Um, even if they don't, I still share it, and I'll walk you through it in a bit. And then finally, very little time I spend on it, but I tell them, we co-create an agreement. We, like, okay, so what we have decided, what we have discussed in this, in these past 30 minutes is that you and you would like to work with me, and we would like, we would partner together to explore the your, you know, tendencies to overthink or procrastinate. So, I'll just say it out loud, uh, just to kind of agree.

on it. Sometimes I get asked here that do we record a discovery session? Um, I almost never, but if the client requests for it, sure. There's I've never felt the need to record it.

All right. So, building rapport, like I said, be human, start warm, and almost immediately the setting that you need to have is of curiosity. Um, it's a skill that obviously you're going to master as coaches as well, but it's a skill that you don't need to leave behind just because it's a discovery session. If you're curious in a discovery session, you're going to have a lot to build on when you start coaching them. And it's always about connection before structure. So yes, even though the discovery session is about understanding what the process and the structure is, whatever that process or structure is, it's going to fall apart if they've not built a connection with you. So there have been times where um I I was just so into building a connection with a client, especially if it was a difficult client that I've let go of the structure because that I can also email them about.

Connection. I cannot send on email intros. Um, this is where I'll give you a little tip. Now, if I've learned this the hard way, if you leave it up to the client, they'd probably do a very long intro and then all your time is gone and you haven't gotten to the more important things. I do, like I said, I already do the pre-work where I send my intro. So, I just ask them, hey, you've already gone through my profile. Have you got any questions from me? And when I'm doing a round of intro, um, I usually do it in some short, creative, interesting way. Uh, I don't need to know where they went to college or how many kids they have, unless it's relevant to their coaching. But when you give them give somebody an open platform, hey, tell me a little bit about yourself. They could talk for 15 minutes. There's no and you open that route. So you can't you can't do anything about it. So what I do is I have a two three different tricks up my sleeve and I begin with that. For example, I'd say you know I'm going to share three fun facts about me and I love it for you to do the same. So it's a quick icebreaker. It's fun. Sometimes we end up laughing about it. So it's a great way to build connection and for them to feel safe as well. Uh it's it's a it's a neuroscience uh tip that I'm giving you. The the sooner the brain feels happy, relaxed, the sooner it is to build a connection. So my three fun facts are usually, you know, I love reading or I've lived in seven different countries. I've moved eight times. Anything that that kind of, you know, connects us better. Um, I do 22 hours of intermittent fasting. That's the one that usually gets people be like, "Oh, are you how are you alive?" [laughter] And I say, "Yeah, that's that's why it's a fun fact." Or I say, um, it really depends on the context. I'd maybe show them one image that really captures who I am or a metaphor and I'll I'll I'll say, "Okay, now your turn. What is one image or metaphor that really captures who you are?" So, it's a fun and interesting way to start to start your introduction. Then I and this all of this takes about 2 to 3 minutes and then I would ask my open question. So, what made you reach out today? What made you connect with me? What is the reason you're here? That's the one I'm most curious about. and then I'll take charge and I'll say all right so thank you for sharing all of that today where we'll explore your goals number one number two I'll share my ICF approach or my approach and then we'll see if everything fits and then we'll see how to proceed from there does that work for you so again checking in with the client if they're on board with that any questions here or thoughts so this is a very open session any there's no restriction on when you want to come in and share something. So, please just come off mute and don't be shy if you want to say something.

All right. Then I move on to exploring the needs of the client. This is the most important chunk for me because like I said, this is the foundation of how our relationship is going to be. So, I want to understand where is it that they want to go? What is the end goal? And what is the reason that that's the end goal? What's the motivation? Because again, that is the glue that's going to bind everything together. So if they say, "Oh, we're here to understand how to be a more confident leader." Okay. But what made you work on your confidence in the first place? Why now? What's what's the reason that it's so important for you to work on it? So you're not getting into every little detail because that's what the intake session is for. It's just a big picture. Zoom out, big picture. Yes, this is what I want to work today. And I'll just ask them a few questions around it and I'll show you some examples. I do set a measure of success because that's very important. I want to understand that for them when we start working together what would change after 6 to eight sessions. So what what are they hoping to get out of it? So we can measure the success not identify the success that's a different thing. Identifying the success means hey were you able to achieve it or not and it's a disaster if they were not. [laughter] And that's not our job. That's not on us the coaches. Measure of success is just to to measure what did we get out of this, how much did we get out of it, and if we got nothing out of it, then what's the reason? There has got to be a reason. So, some of the questions that I love asking just a second, I'm just going to um navigate this a little bit more so I can see this better. Yeah, much better. So, like I said, what brought you to coaching? What are you hoping to get out of it? Um I think you can't see my screen very properly. Is that the case? Oh, now it's fine. All right. Um another version of this question is what are you hoping to get out of coaching? So I really want to understand. So a lot of times I will ask them if they're new to coaching um or have they had coaching before? So if they're new to coaching, sure, what brought them to coaching? What what um uh what got them into exploring the modality of coaching? And if they've had coaching before, then I'll ask them a quick question that when you got coached before, what stood out for you? What worked? What didn't work? Um then a measure of question. If coaching worked, you know, 6 to 8 weeks later, if this did work for your towards your goal, what would be different? That's how they measure that. Yeah, this is what I'm hoping to get out of it, but this is what's going to be different or what growth do you seek? What is it that we're trying to to happen after we start working together? Think of this as um going into the gym or getting into an exercise fitness regime, right? If you just are running without a goal, you're just running. But if you're running because there's an there's a goal in mind, then we're able to measure our our success. We're also able to commit to it much better. So even if it's as simple as I just want to be healthy, but what does that mean to you? How what does it mean? How do you measure what healthy is? And that definition is going to be different for everybody. Another question I love asking is how will you know coaching has been successful? So how will you know that yeah this worked for me? So this is an slightly different variation of the question what would be different if if sometimes if a client is stuck on answering that question then I ask them okay how will you know that coaching has been successful? Um, and what does success another variation of that what does success look like for you at the end of our work together? So, it's just a bit more personal, a bit more conversational and it's a little bit more focus on that. Hey, this is a partnership. Any questions on this part? Yeah. Is it making sense for everybody? Give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Yeah. Or a nod or stick out your tongue. [laughter]

All right. So, um, and then the third part. So, I by this time is this this the previous part is the most important part for me. But this is important. Why? Because this is what the client wants to know. Thank you, Sana. Uh, this is what the client wants to know. Um, a lot of times they they want to know what especially if they're new to coaching, but even if they're not new to coaching, they want to know what your approach is before. um you know when you go see a house you want to see how many rooms there are in the house and if you know the electricity works and all of that so this is that part um this is where I come in and I take charge now and I tell them what coaching is what what it's not and I have my own way of saying that I recommend all of you as a takeaway homework assignment to ask yourself how are you going to do that how are you going to explain what coaching is so sometimes I love I'm a person of metaphors I love explaining it with a metaphor. I'll say I I'll I'll share a metaphor with you and that will help you understand what coaching is. However, the previous two sessions should be a good window into understanding what coaching is for you all and that's how you can explain it to the client. Just do it very briefly. Um, another tip I can give you at this point is if I know a client is completely new to coaching, which I usually find out before the discovery session when I'm talking to them on email or LinkedIn or whatever, um, I have a document and I think it's in your GCR. Um, it's a very basic document what coaching is and what coaching isn't. Just so they come into the the discovery session clear that this is not therapy, this is not mentoring. So, you know, we end up saving my time and their time as well. Then I talk about what my structure is. I say my recommendation is that we start off with six sessions. Um, of course it could be more. Um, but how about we start off with six and then we reassess and then we can recontract for more. My coaching style, I tell them that I draw a lot from neuroscience. So I talk about your brain. I understand what your behaviors are. I bring in I'm a certified emotional intelligence coach. So I bring in many aspects of emotion intelligence because at the root of our behavior is what our emotions are. Um I also am a firm believer in you know how our mindset shapes everything. So I bring that into our sessions. They inform the kind of questions I ask you. And this is how it works that I this is a brainstorming of your thought system. So I ask you questions, I help you reflect. Um my job is to be curious. My job is to listen effectively. My job is to connect help you connect the dots to help you see your patterns. Um my job is not to advise you. However, my job is to create the space where you can come up with different ideas and we can kind of play with them and um see how that what that brings up for you. And then usually and I think Michael you were the one who said you work in leadership space. Usually in leadership space um CEOs or executives they really want to work with certain tools. So sometimes they'll tell me from before if they know about a tool or I know in from my experience that it's it's helpful for them. So if I know that I'm working with a leader who's struggling to gel with their team, I know a Johari window might be very useful or a 360 might be very useful. So I tell them that I have all these uh tools that are up my sleeve and maybe these two three particular ones might be useful for you and when I see the need I'll check in with them and I'll bring that tool to a session. How do they feel about it? So it's kind of a check-in with them but also kind of something to excite them about. Tools really excite people by the way. That's a little uh human behavior insight that I've gotten over the years. Um and very important very quickly I discuss with them the the two very important partnership dynamics which um coaching would fail that is number one it's going to be confidential everything we talk about. So, and this is very relevant, Elaine, when there's a sponsor involved. Um, and accountability. I tell them that coaching will not work if you are not accountable, if you're not showing up on time, if you're not, you know, counseling and all of that and if you are. So, I as a as a coach love to give homework in between sessions. So, it's like takeaway assignments or take away reflective exercises. And I tell them, of course, they have the option to opt out of it, but accountability also means that they're putting in the work. I can see that they're invested in this process and not doing it just because HR asked them to do it. And then I ask them, how do you feel this approach aligns with you? And that is when I take them to next step. So I say, okay, so this so we have agreed that if we work together, this is what our focus area is going to be. But you also saw how in in our call today of 30 minutes I was asking you questions as well. So like here you saw I'm just going to take you back a minute. All these are coaching questions. These are questions that made them think and reflect. So I'll flag that here and I say you remember when I asked you that and how it made you think and how it made you feel? Well that is how coaching works. So now you have a little taste of what coaching is all about or what coaching with me is all about. So again, it's a little marketing tip that I can give you. And then I tell them, I don't get into the next steps because it's again a waste of time. It can be done on email. So I just tell them that what's going to happen is that I'm going to go after this call. I'm going to send you a contract. If you want to start working with me, please sign that contract. We cannot move ahead without that contract. I'm going to uh send you a scheduling link after the payment has been done. I'll send you a payment link. I'll also share some testimonials if I haven't already shared that show you what other clients when they worked with me what they got out of it. So I don't get into so really I would just wrap this up in four to five minutes and then I would say yeah so we're you know up to a close how do you feel uh what are your final thoughts before we uh part today and if you have got a question so I invite them for the last four or five minutes if they've got a question and with that have you got any questions so I've so does it does it kind of um feel like we've really gotten into the dynamics of the discovery session. So, um, when I do this, a lot of people come and they say, "Oh, we just thought we never prepared for a discovery session. We just had it." And after this, they and I I think the biggest insight that I've gotten over the years is that do prepare for a discovery session because it could convert a client for you. Um, just to keep in mind that even though it's not a coaching session, you're still carrying a coaching mindset. So, carry that with you in the discovery session as well. you're still um um following the ethical boundaries that ICF is very strict about. Um as a coach, even a fitness coach cannot promise results, cannot promise that yes, by the end of 60 days, you will lose 5 kgs. And anybody who's promising you that run fast, it's it's not the right fit for you cuz nobody can make you do anything except yourself. So never promise any results. Never say that yes by the end of our six sessions together you're going to stop overthinking and you're going to be this change person. No. Uh don't pressure decisions that please choose in the next you know 2 minutes or 5 minutes if you're going to work with me or not. Sure. Sometimes I would give an incentive. I'd say oh I have this wonderful deal going on. Um so sometimes I have these deals for example if it's mental health awareness month. So, I say for this particular month, if you sign up in May, you will get a 40% off on our package. It's up to them. It's it's not something I'm pressuring them with. It's just an offering that they have in their inbox. Even in a discovery session, do not get into advising them even though you're not coaching them right now. I've I've seen coaches do that. They're like, "Oh, you know, I'm not coaching you right now, so but let me advise you that this is how you should you should do it." And no, no, you're still not advising. and confidentiality. Um, even though you've not signed a contract with them, you're still not to discuss. Everything they talk about in the discovery session is also confidential. Um, I'm still bringing in my competencies in the discovery session. I'm still non-judgment. I'm curious. I'm still, like I showed you, asking good ICF style questions as a demonstration, but a very passive demonstration. Um, I'm still listening actively to them. I'm still present with them even though they haven't paid me yet. And these are the skills that help connect make that connection that I'm hoping for. Um, and remember that it's co-creation. It's still a partnership. So, you're not telling them that I think this is how we should do it or this is the goal you should have. That's what the intake session for is even if they don't have a goal. So, it's always co-creating the relationship. And sometimes I I'd end the session with them and I say, "What did you learn about yourself in our time together today?" So they walk away with a little learning in their head and I tell them that this is how you're going to feel um in as a result of coaching. So I'm not promising results there. I'm just telling them this is this is what happens that when you reflect you think you come up with you learn things about yourself and this is something you know about human behavior.

All right. So quick um we are close. Okay. Um Katisha are you there? I'm just checking in what is the protocol for breaks um in this particular cohort. I'm not sure if she's around. So, I'll just wait for her to come back. I don't have access to the chat, Kata. So, just come off mute if you can. Um I'll just put you I wanted to put you um are you guys okay to have another 10 minutes even if Katija doesn't reply? If anybody's particularly tired, okay, if anybody's particularly tired, just come off mute and let me know. All right. Um because time wise, I think we're okay. Um, I'm going to put you in a breakout room. Um, and I want you to talk about what is a coachable client and what is not, what is an uncoachable client. What are the traits of these two categories? How do you identify these people? And then we'll come back to the main room and discuss that. So, let's take 7 minutes to discuss that. And if you want, you can take a screenshot of this just to remind yourself of what the question is because this is something you're trying to gauge in a discovery session as well. All right. So, you're quite a lot of there's a lot of you. I think it's either going to be two or three breakout rooms. Just let me get back to you on that. Yeah, let's do three breakout rooms because then there's three in each group. All right, have fun with it. that Forbes there's this wonderful article in Forbes I encourage you to go read the whole article identifies three different categories so these are the people who are coachable but are not coachable in the moment because they're coming to coaching for different reasons. Who was it? I think it was Karen or somebody who said that they're they're there for the wrong reasons. I think Ela and Karen mentioned that if I'm not wrong, they're there for the wrong reasons. So, performative professional is it's just all about hey, what's Okay, so in fact, let me start from the last one. The committed cla complainer. And you'll get these so often. They're just there, especially these categories are there when they're put up by a sponsor. The committed complainer is there because they just want to complain. They want to take no ownership. They want to talk about how everything is unfair. Everything everybody is horrible to them. And I don't know why I'm here because it's not me who has to change. It's them who has to change. Um and you'll get these a lot in leadership capacity as well. The spug specimen is is all about I don't know. I'm perfect. Why am I here? I I don't know why HR put me up for coaching. I I do nothing wrong. I'm amazing. they just don't know my talents. So, and you'll get these people quite a bit. So, these this would be an uncoachable client in that moment because they're not able to see past a certain blind spot. I usually proceed with a little caution with them because I maybe I'd still spend a session or two with them, maybe Johari window, maybe a few other tools and I could kind of get them to open up. Uh but if after a while I know no this I'm I'm not getting anywhere with this person, I'd have an honest conversation with them that I think that maybe we can park coaching for now and I'd check in with them. I said, "How do you do you feel like this is um how is coaching serving you?" And they'd say, "No, it's not serving me because there's nothing wrong about me. So I mean, I don't know what to talk about. What do you want to talk about? I have nothing to talk about." And we'd be done in 10 minutes because this person is not opening up. Performative professional is somebody who's there to perform for you. It's a little bit different than the smug specimen. Smug specimen, nothing's wrong with me. I get a lot of performative professionals in my work. They're there because they don't want to work on them. They don't want to develop themselves, but somebody else is paid for their coaching. So, this is a great opportunity to talk about how amazing they are, what what all they have achieved. So I had a guy come in to tackle and this is he signed up himself to tackle his overthinking but the first two sessions he spent on how much reflection he's done and how he's read 50,000 books about overthinking he's done it all. So, but for me, I said I still saw a little spark in him to be coachable because I just had to find that right loophole for him to understand that even if I put all the work, what is still missing? But there are times when these individuals are there there just to show off to put it plainly. They just want to talk about how amazing they are. So, they'll say, "Yeah, we're we're glad to be here. HR put up to it put us up to this, but we're amazing and you know, let me I don't care about your questions. let me share with you um how I did this and how I did that and maybe you can use that information to help other clients. I had such a person who told me that. Um so these are the three categories that really help you identify this client is not coachable in that moment and I think that pretty much covers what all of you have been talking about as well.

All right. Any questions have you got? We're 7 minutes late into our break so apologies for that. So, if there are no questions, we'll go into a 10-minut break and then we'll pick up from there. Yes. All right. Enjoy your break.

So I'll reconnect as to you know what's what's what's kind of come up for you since we met in the discovery session because obviously they took a lot back from the discovery session and maybe things have come up and I'll remind them that this is um confidentiality is the biggest thing here the most important piece and also how long this session would be if if it's slightly more longer than the other sessions then how does that look like and moving forward each session would be a particular duration and what would what kind of work would we do in some of the questions. So the main purpose for me for an intake session ex is to explore their current situation. It's and this is particularly useful for me when a client comes into a discovery session and I can sense they have a lot to share. So this becomes their opportunity to share all that they had to share. So sometimes I'd give them an open prompt. So what would you like to share? What would you like to talk about? what would you like to um for me to know about your current situation or sometimes I try to give them specific questions to gauge where they are. So you said that you want to identify your tendency to procrastinate um on a scale of 1 to 10. How much do you procrastinate or how challenging is this habit right now? Where is it that you want to get? Um then so that's one thing I'd focus on. I'd focus so what is it? What do you mean when you say you procrastinate? What challenges are there? How do they show up as challenges? Um what are some of the patterns that you have observed as you when you procrastinate? Um what kind of you know are there certain projects that you procrastinate? Are there certain parts of your uh day that you procrastinate? So different kind of elements or different perspectives or sides of the the the topic that they bring in. It's also a very important session for me to drive a discussion around what their strengths are. So some I'll ask them simple questions as you know what strengths do you have? So as so think about this as an as an opening of the journey and I'm trying to understand what all we take on with us as we enter into this journey. So I'll ask them that as we start our you know next week we start our coaching together um what strengths would you like to flag for yourself? So when things get difficult in our coaching or when we get stuck somewhere, we know that we fall back on. Similarly, uh what are some of the values that you live by or what are some of the values you want to bring into our coaching engagement as we work on this topic? This question I find very useful because when things get rough, this is where I know this is my safety net to fall back on. Also serves as a compass for the client. So I I there would be you know maybe a conflict somewhere or a conversation would be going into a difficult um direction or they're confused about something they don't they lack that clarity. I'll bring their attention back to you remember you mentioned this particular value in our intake session. I wonder how is that showing up or I wonder how can we link that here with this piece of our conversation. Now um the other thing is that I maybe have a discussion around resources. So when you you say that you've already done some work around procrastination. So what is that work? They'll probably tell me, "Oh, I read this book and that book or I listened to this podcast and that podcast." So again, this serves as kind of a flag post for me later on in the conversation in the coaching sessions. I'll say, "I remember you telling me that you read this particular book. I wonder if there's any strategy from there that applies to this current situation that you're talking about in the session today." So that's why the intake session really helps me. Um then uh when I'm exploring the current situation, I also ask them what have they tried before and what was the what worked, what didn't work and the parts that didn't work, what was the reason because they are your potential loopholes. um maybe later on in the conversation then I know that oh these are the things that did not work for the client and hence we need to explore different areas or maybe they didn't work because there was a certain you know root pattern or a certain mindset block that we didn't explore then like I said a lot of times intake session is very useful with clients who have not set a goal for themselves so coaching wheel for me is very very um useful um praes will talk about it in the last session. But here all that I'll mention is that I'll give you an example. Uh I had the same lady that I was talking about before. She's she was an Aussie too by the way. Uh she came in and she said my I know I need work around my leadership. I I I I lack confidence. I need more confidence. So HR was right to set me up. However, I don't know what to explore. I don't know which areas I'm not confident about. So we got into coaching wheel where the tool helped her understand what are some of the areas of areas that she identifies with leadership first of all it's such a broad term leadership right so I asked her so when you think of leadership what are some of the areas that come to your mind and she said no well delegation you know um work life balance communication uh conflict management so so they automatically became themes I said what which are the ones that you struggle most with. And she said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. This this this this is what I struggle most with." And I said that if you see or when you see yourself as a confident leader, which area would you like to prioritize the most? And that's kind that kind of seamlessly went into okay. So, how do you feel about structuring the next few coaching sessions around these areas? And if you went along with that, how would you like to proceed? So again, it's a question I threw back at her and she said, "Now I'm actually clear that if I want to be a confident leader, if I work on these four areas, I would be a confident leader." And we had six sessions. So we kind of broke up those sessions into these topics. Yeah. Does that give you a sense of how that can be done? If somebody comes in without a goal, of course, there are different ways of doing it, but the idea is to help them understand what goal they're bringing and how to chunk it up. So some of the questions I love asking in these in this session is I want to check in with what energizes them. So every time things get rough in the in the coaching I can again anchor back to that. What skills or experiences could support you on this journey? What values do you want to bring with you or honor as we move forward? What matters most to you about reaching your goals? So this is an amazing strong clue that every time I feel that there's motivation lacking or they go they hit a roadblock in our coaching conversation, I go back and remind them, you remember you said that this is the reason you're here. I wonder when I remind you of that, what does that bring up for you? So you'll notice that every time I'm kind of flag posting something, I'm linking it with a coaching question. And sometimes it could be as simple as what is that bringing up for you? How is that resonating? How are you connecting the dots back to that? What can we watch out for to get in your way or hold you back as we move ahead with this journey? So that's also a very important question because it helps me understand. For example, a lot of times they tell me, "Oh, I think I'm going to get busy and I'm going to try and, you know, brush you off, but I want you to and because now they have said it, I can hold them accountable. So, I want you, we want you to schedule your the sessions because, you know, if you give us a choice, we won't we won't do it." So, it's an agreement then they're doing with me that yes, you have our permission to kind of, you know, schedule the session and inform us that it's been done. So, different people give me different answers when I ask ask them this question. Sometimes they'd say, "Oh, yeah, sometimes I'd get too emotional and I would love for you to hold space in those moments." So in that moment, I feel they're not really preparing me, the coach. They're actually preparing themselves that this is something that could happen to me.

All right. Make sense so far? Everybody is with me? Awesome. Now, when we talk about agreements, like I said, there there are different categories of agreements. The first one is the discovery session. That's also an agreement because you're agreeing a to work with each other. You're agreeing that this is what coaching is, this is what coaching is not. You're agreeing on a certain structure or a format or agreeing to the rules of accountability and confidentiality for example. So in that way it is an agreement as well. The most important agreement after that is your legal contract. No matter who you're working with, do not move ahead without a legal contract. It doesn't have to be very complicated. If you're working with individuals, it can be a very simple document. Um, if you're working with companies, it would have to be a more elaborate document. Usually, when I'm drafting a contract with um companies and because I work globally, the the context changes a lot. So, I get into a little uh discussion. I hold a little discussion meeting with HR to understand or I send my document and I tell them, hey, if you would like to add some of your clauses, please let me know. I've seen um to uh when I work with anybody in Australia Karen they add a lot of clauses. [laughter] So I think it is there are just so many more layers of things um when you're working operating in that region also with the Middle East. So there are lot more clauses when I work in those regions and we kind of mutually agree upon them and factor them in. Few things you need to make sure that you put in whether you work with individuals or companies is that you mention all three or four parties with their names, contact and signatures and make sure that you identify what is the role each is playing. Um agreement on the schedule. So are you doing four sessions, five sessions, eight sessions, how frequent? Sometimes if you've not decided on the frequency, the clause that I put in the contract is that the frequency will be ad hoc and would be agreed on via email. So what does a legal contract do? It a makes sure that everybody's on the same page. So if there was ever a conflict, you can go back and refer to the to the contract. B, if there's any confusion how to proceed, you can again go back to the contract and say, "Oh, yeah, this is what we agreed on. Okay, good to go." But third, if there was ever a legal conflict, you are secure because everything has been agreed upon. So maybe somebody can come back and say, "No, I didn't agree to eight sessions. I need my money back." And you're like, "No, let's go refer to the contract and see how many sessions we agreed on." Or um usually in most quotes, emails are admissible. So that's why I write that line that even if it's not in the contract, we've we're going to agree on it in the email payment. So my my terminologies are very clear there. For example, and again that depends on you. There's it really depends on your context, the country you're in, the client you're working with. Um what kind of clauses you want to put in. So when I work with companies in different countries have different clauses. For example, payment is going to be um when it's big projects, payments are usually 30 days or 60 days or even 90 days after the engagement ends. Just make sure that you know what you're getting into before you sign it. Uh when I'm working with individuals, for me, it's non-negotiable. The payment has to be in advance. So, they have to pay for the entire engagement in advance before starting with me. So, it like I you know what what this shows you is that it can vary. Um always make sure you put in a clause on liabilities. for example, um I'm not liable if, for example, there's there's a if if you're working in relationship coaching and two people end up getting divorced, you're not liable for that because that's beyond your control. If there's any damages, physical, emotional, social, um psychological, I'm not liable for that. Um if this person gets distressed in any way, which has nothing to do with my coaching style, I'm not liable for that. So, those are very important clauses to put in. um especially when you're working with slightly more sensitive cohorts such as teenagers for example um or relationships. So then I'm extra careful to check in the laws of that country and put that in um confidentiality. So the most important bit is where I say because both the parties or all the parties are playing a role. My role is that I'm going to keep all the information um confidential. Um and here the it gets a little tricky with sponsor but I'll come to that in a bit. Um and I also put in the confidentiality I'm expecting from the client. For example, and again this has to be your your preference. Um I'm not comfortable with them recording on the session without my consent. I'm not comfortable with sharing any resources that I share with them with anybody else. So a few things like that again varies from company to company and I make sure that those clauses are added there. Then the third type of agreement is the overarching goal. So like I said, sometimes the clients would come in and have that over overarching goal in the discovery session or sometimes they you both you would um uncover that in the intake session. So that's the overarching goal. For example, I want to work on my overthinking. That's an overarching goal. But every single session, coaching session that you do would have what we call the session agreement. And we're going to get into that today. that and I think you might already have seen that in the in the demo that you got sent. Session agreement is what do we want to address? So overthinking is a broad topic. What about it? Which piece of it? What aspect of it are we going to address in the session today? There's a way to do the agreement. We're going to get to that in a little bit. And I'm so happy to see a question. Pessel, go ahead. >> Okay. That time it happens that a coach is pushing the agenda like there was into um agreement and it was coaching was about the parent parenting counseling and the coach was always sharing some sort of content and uh coming through the uh available channels like he was always on the WhatsApp and asking me for the session the follow-up session another follow-up session >> okay >> so how to avoid that in terms of legal contract >> okay so what I understand is that you're saying that if the coach is kind of pushing and driving the agenda. So they're two different things. >> I was actually I was actually through uh better up consulting like better up coaching platform. >> Okay. Yeah. >> So I believe there was some commercial intent uh from that side but I'm not aware of that but he was always asking for more and more sessions. >> Interesting. Okay. So uh different platforms will have different styles. Um I'll tell you what I believe in or what's the what's the recommendation from my side like I told you coaching essentially is a very human connection right it shouldn't become commercial or it should and the client would always know that uh professor how if if I asked you in in one word how did you feel when that was happening to you what would that be >> not authentic >> yeah or if if I was answering that I would feel unsafe I feel like you know why is why is this you know I don't feel psychologically safe in this space. So that actually now shows you how to behave as a coach yourself. Um as a practice, I don't pressure, I don't send multiple reminders, I don't do any of that. For me, the core of coaching is human connection. So I do what is required for a human connection. So I do check-ins and I do follow-ups. And there's a limit to how many check-ins and follow-ups I would do as well. And I call these connections. So for example, it's a it's a policy of mine. every January of every year, I will check in with every single client I've worked in with in my life. And that check-in is not, hey, I want to check in if you want to start coaching again. That check-in is, hi, I'm just coming in to check on you. How are you doing? How's everything? Where are you on your journey? That's it. And I've been told that they really appreciate it. What happens is that every now and then, some of them say, "You know what? I'm so glad you reached out to me because I was actually struggling with a few things and I would love to um set up a bit of coaching with you. >> So, I mean, I went in with a with a human element, but it ended up, you know, getting me more business. Um, so that's one. Uh, so pressuring shouldn't happen um at all because that's not what the core of coaching is, but follow-ups should happen. Uh, because again, sometimes some clients need more of a push. Sometimes they appreciate that you're checking in with them. So for it's a practice of mine that I will remind my client um so for example if my session with them is on Thursday I will remind them a week before and say hey coming in just to remind you that you have an upcoming session on Thursday we are meeting at 3 p.m. your time. Just a quick reminder please keep your video on please choose a distraction-free space and I'm really looking forward to connecting with you. If it's an ongoing coaching, I'll even remind them that we left off last time talking about this and I'm looking forward to see what we uncover in the next session. So, those are follow-ups. It's reminders. Um and then when the coaching engagement ends um again I wouldn't I just I send an email right after the the engagement ends saying that acknowledging them appreciating them for all the work they did in the sessions and a small line underneath that email leaving the invitation open that was wonderful working with you please know that this is not the end of the road I'm always there for you formally and informally so informally please feel free to reach out to send me an email whenever you feel you need a perspective for me and firmly if you ever want to set up coaching please let me know and I'll take care of the details. Does that make sense? Does does that sound more human and you know connectionoriented and more pleasant and conversational rather than driving your agenda? >> Yeah, it it appears. >> Awesome. Great question to ask. >> Thank you. >> Slight difference between all these agreements. Discovery is only between two individuals. So either the client and the coach or the client and the sponsor. Legal contract is with all parties involved. Um or all parties. Sometimes they all are mentioned in one contract or sometimes they're two different contracts. They're two different contracts because sometimes HR has just a lot more details into the contract that the client doesn't need to know. So then I'll do two different contracts. Um overarching goal is with the client and the sponsor and that's where conflict could come in. Um I'll talk about it in a second. and session agreement is only and only with the client because there's only the client in that coaching session. It's

completely confidential. Now, this is where I'm going to answer. Was it Karen or Elaine who asked me that question about sponsor? Maybe it was Karen. I I can't Oh, it was Ela. Okay, it was Ela. [laughter] So, that this is where I come in. I couldn't remember who asked me that question.

Um, okay. So the two conflicts that I've seen and please let me know if you come up with any other example of a conflict that you've seen in your work. But the two broad ones that I've seen when there's a sponsor involved is when there's a number one misalignment between the um the sponsor expectations in terms of confidentiality. So sponsor would tell you whether that's a parent or a company or HR or team lead would tell you you know what I want you to keep us updated on everything that is happening because this is like we paying you so you need to tell us what's happening but there's confidentiality to take care of so that's where the first thing I do is and in a discovery session I'll make it very clear to them that I will give you big picture updates for sure because my responsibility is also towards I will tell you um, you know the client has shown up for the sessions, the client is putting in the effort, the client is putting in the ownership, the client is playing along with accountability and the kind of progress we're having towards the goal would be very overarching. So for example, I will not tell them that if you've signed up them for confidence in leadership skills that I feel like by today this is how confident they are or not. I'll tell them that the progress is measured by are they showing up for the sessions? Are they reflecting? Are they doing the work that is required? Um and every now and then with permission of the client I can share that we explored this particular tool or that particular modality. So with this particular client, the client did give me permission that yes, you can let HR know what tools we are working on, but please don't share with them. And I said absolutely not. I never share with them what we talked about. So my email would be three sentences long and I I have a policy of just giving um and not after every session, but midway or after every two sessions. So I'd say we're making uh so we've had two sessions. uh the client showed up for both the sessions. We did a lot of discussion around leadership and some of the leadership and how that the client understands leadership and in uh in one of the sessions we engaged with the Johari window and she we also did an exercise of 360. Full stop. So you see the difference. I've not breached confidentiality in any way. And if there's any doubt that maybe the client doesn't want to share this, check in with the client and I've not breached confidentiality anyway. And hence and also I have updated the sponsor.

It's a little bit more tricky when it's parents involved cuz they really push you and that's where you have to really hold your ground and I it's there were so many times that they would get really mad at me. I said sorry that's the contract we did and that's where contracts come in very very useful.

U second case is when there's a misalignment between sponsor goals and client goals. I'll give you an example. Sponsor says I want you to work with this individual on their you know leadership capability because they we want them in a leadership role. So we want to prepare them. You start doing a session with a client and the client says that you know what I'm actually not even happy at this company and I'm thinking of switching. Now this is where there's a big conflict or let's go even a bit softer that sure the company wants me to work on my leadership skills but I actually have a different problem. I'm for me a bigger problem is that I have a lot of anxiety when I come to work. So I'm not even able to think about what kind of a leader am I I am because I'm so anxious all the time. How will I handle that? Now first of all I will name the conflict. I will name the piece with the client. I will still not breach confidentiality. I will name the piece and I'll say all right so um the this is what HR sign this is the I also have a responsibility to HR and these are the terms of our coaching engagement. I'm just curious how is it showing up for you or when I share that piece with you, what's coming up for you. So either I'll get a little bit technical because when they say they're anxious, it still has to do with leadership because it's stopping them from being a good leader. So I'll experiment a little bit. I'll explore a little bit to see what can maybe a session or two down the lane when the anxiety is a little bit out of the road, they can go back to leadership. All right. So that's one part. Number two, I will again name the piece and ask them to recontract. So but I would give them an uh give them an invitation first. That invitation is that I hear that you want to work on you want to talk about leaving the company and here's HR you know investing in you to understand how to be a good leader and there's a conflict here. So I have a responsibility my primary responsibility is to you client and confidentiality. this conversation will not leave this room but I also have a responsibility towards the sponsor. So I wanted to raise this conflict and I wanted to check in with you. So again coaching question throw it back to the client. How is it that you want to best proceed? What how do you think we should address this? How do you think we should handle this? Now if the client says that no I don't want you to tell HR at all that I'm looking at other jobs. Then I would raise their attention to this. I say, "Okay, then we'll have to go back and have a three-way conversation. If you're comfortable, we can have a three-way conversation where I'm also in the meeting and we'd have to recontract or perhaps you can go have a conversation with the HR and see what comes up." First, I will ask them what they want to do. Very rarely they wouldn't know what to do and that's where the discussion goes that we what is the way forward. We'd have to recontract. And third, if nothing is working, then you end terminate the contract because if you continue, you're going to do be of disservice to at least one of the parties and your responsibility is towards everybody. In my case, um it has happened two to three times maybe where we have terminated because it just the agendas were not tying up. Um but then I've also recontracted or a lot of times by the way majority of the times we just end up finding when I go the technical route um it's just the kind of questions you ask them. So I'd ask them so this particular lady's example that I just took who said that yeah I'm happy to be here. HR signed me to become a confident leader. I just don't know what to do with this space. I don't know how to proceed and I'm a little frustrated that I have so much work on my plate already and here they are that they've signed me up for coaching. So she came in very very frustrated and angry at HR and her team lead. But I saw a little technical opening there. I I could see that there's something here which which is making her feel that way. So I went down that route and I said I'm I'm I'm just curious um that when you say that you're frustrated at HR, where is that frustration coming from? Um, and then you know just kind of ease her into and before she knew it she was talking about her leadership and she said you know what I don't even want to be a leader. I don't know why they're asking me to fill this position. I might just end up saying no. So my questions were about what would make you say no? What would make you say yes? What makes you think that you're not a good fit for this position? Because I knew it had it just something told me that her saying no was not about her capability but about her confidence which is what team lead has had seen. And sometimes your gut feeling would also tell you that the team lead is a is a person too. You know, sometimes you know that they're sensible people and they've seen something and this particular team lead was a coach themselves. So I I I could tell that they had a gut feeling. And by the way, this was about a year ago and that person did end up taking filling the role. She is in that leadership position now. She's much more confident. She's doing really well. So it was just a mindset block that she had to overcome. Does that answer your question now Elaine and everybody else's around a little potential conflicts? Yeah. Yeah. Any questions here?

All right. Let me look at the time and see how we want to. So we and came from the break at four fun. Okay. Great. So we can get into the agreement part. All right. This is where the fun starts. So, um, when we talk about agreement from an IAFE standpoint, um, actually, you know what? I'm going to just walk you through the structure first. When you are structuring your coaching sessions, I want you to keep the four A's in your in your head. It's going to come in very handy when you're trying to understand what are the different stages you need to pass through when you're coaching. The first one is agreement. So, the first chunk is the agreement. I'm going to get into that in a little bit. Today's focus for the remainder of the session is going to be on how to do the agreement. But I'm introducing the rest of them to you because you're going to touch them in the future sessions. The second chunk of it once you have the agreement, you know what what the next 60 minutes or 50 minutes are going to look like then you enter into awareness stage. Remember when I said awareness before action because they've got to really get into what's happening. You can't change what you don't know that you have to change. So awareness is potentially the most time the the chunk where you'll spend the most time. Now the third stage is action. Some sessions I've seen go very seamlessly from agreement to awareness to action and then accountability. But in some sessions there's a little bit of a dance between awareness and action. Oh, there's this awareness piece and then there's an action piece and then there's a little bit more of an awareness piece and a little bit more of an action piece and that's okay. The last chunk is usually accountability and it's a very important chunk. I've seen a lot of coaches end with action because they're like so relieved. Oh, we've gotten an action point. The client knows what they're doing. The client is feeling relaxed. Let's just close the session. Think of it as a container. So, let's say you are um pouring uh tea through that little seieve that you have. If you don't put a cup underneath that, all that wonderful tea or coffee that you just made is gone to waste. So all that amazing awareness and action plan that you identified is going to go to waste if you don't ask questions. Okay, now that you know what you want to do, you have it. When are you going to do it? How commit? How are you going to stay committed to the process? What could go wrong? How are you going to watch out for that? Is a way for the client to think, okay, I've got it. How do I make sure I keep it? That's your accountability stage. All right, make sense. Um, little snapshot of how that plays out. You greet the client, you build quick rapper. A little tip here. Um, a lot of coaches get really friendly in the first couple of minutes and it takes away a lot of time just having small talk. So, how is the weather or okay, so if you ask the client, how have you been or what's going on or what's happening? That's a very broad opening topic and the client could keep on talking for 5 10 minutes. So yeah, this happened and then that happened. Especially true for very chatty clients. So I am very careful with those clients. I I usually begin cuz I I you don't want to start right away. Okay. So tell me what you want to talk about today. You do want to build a little like a connection or a rapper. So either I asked them so the question that I asked today from all of you. So in between our session today and the last session, what has come alive for you or what has stayed with you? So it's still they're still in the coaching container or I'll ask them a very, you know, quick to answer questions. So what is the weather like um on your end? So and I I start off with my it's raining here. What is the weather like on your end? And how much could they talk in describing the weather? And I said, all right, so now that we've, you know, talked about the weather, let's focus on you. what is it that you want to talk about today? So it kind of brings them into the discussion. What I do do every single time is a reminder because our brain loves repetition. So I do say these two lines always. Okay. So we have 60 minutes together and quick reminder everything we talk about is confidential. What is it that you would like to share or talk about or discuss today? Um now when the here is when the client would share a bit of information. This is where you really listen because this is where you will um clarify the goal a little bit more. So mostly here the clients would say a very broad goal. Um I want to talk about you know I I've I've had a I've missed three different deadlines this last week and I'm really frustrated and I want to talk about that. But this is very broad. What is it that they really want to talk about? Do they? So, so when when you say that you've you're very frustrated, what does that mean for you? This is where you pick up the client words and do not assume you know what they mean. You ask them what are they frustrated about? Are they frustrated about missing the deadlines? Are they frustrated about with a team member who scolded them because they missed a deadline? Are they frustrated on about themselves? Are they frustrated about the work or about the team? It's assumptions we cannot make. So, I want to be a better presenter. What does better mean? More vocal, louder, more crisp, better content, more confident. What does better mean to you? How does that impact you? And a question that really kind of ties everything together. What's the reason you're bringing this into our discussion today? What makes this important? What is the significance of this? A simpler version of that is you said that you want to figure out how to be a better communicator. What does it give you? So what does it give you to be a better communicator? What does it give you to be able to to meet your deadlines?

Once that is done, the next step is to always clarify the goal a little bit more. So yeah, that's still a broad goal. I wonder what would be useful for you to focus on for today's session. So again that's called a funnel approach a broad goal but which piece of it do you want to address today? So I also ask that sometimes so what piece of this that you're just bringing to the session what piece of it or what chunk of it would you like to address in today's session and it's again a good time for you to remind them that okay we have a 50 minutes session today or we have 50 minutes left what part of this would you like to address today? Now um measure of success super important. So let's say they say what I want to address today is that maybe if I can come up with one strategy so that next time there's a deadline I don't skip it. Okay tight enough to explore in a session. How would you know that you you have that strategy or how would you what when you have that strategy at the end of our time today? How would that look like? How would that feel like? So they can answer in any way. Maybe they'll say, "Yeah, I think if I'm able to um explain that strategy to you or put it in words, that is how I know that I have the strategy or I'll know when I have it. I'll let you know." All right? So I'll check in with you by the end of the session where we are. Not whether you have the strategy or not, but where are we in terms of that clarity? or they'll say, "I need more clarity." So, this could be a useful time to bring in a measure question. You said you want more clarity around your anxiety, for example. How how are on a scale of 1 to 10, where are you right now in terms of that clarity? And at the end of our time together, where would you like to be on that scale? And then I'd ask them a few follow-up questions such as all right so what things should we keep in mind as we try to make the shift from let's say two to five what helps you to move you to move from two to five what is essential for you to have or to address for for you to move from a two to five or what's stopping you from moving from a two to five so far what has stopped you from being at a So these are all measured questions. That is when now you know and what I do here is a little tip again what I do and this is particularly true for clients that are doing a lot of rambling and then finally you have an agreement I play it back to them. So this is called the playback technique you play it back to them. So if there was a chance that you misunderstood them or misinterpreted them or if they want to change their mind that this is the opportunity. So for example, all right. So what I hear so far is that we're going to work on identifying one strategy to manage your anxiety. How is that seeming to you for the focus of the remainder of our session? So I'll check in with them here. be very mindful to use client words, client terminologies and not your not insert your words. It's very very important because it's going to change the experience and the interpretation for the client. Never insert your own words.

Now after that I move into the awareness stage. So if you're completely lost as to what's the next question you should ask, I usually say okay so from there client what would be a good place to start in order to get that clarity? what would be a good starting point for our discussion. So I kind of you know put the onus on the client but more often than not there's a there's a very like seamless continuation. So I for example I might have heard them say something and I said just a while ago I heard you say that um you uh struggle with anxiety when u there are many deadlines for example. So how does that show up or what was that about or what what patterns do you see or I would just again depends on the topic they bring in I would get but the focus is on awareness on them understanding what is the root cause and we'll get into awareness in future few sessions we're going to look at it in um uh you already did look at look at it with Sarah in the awareness session so keep that in mind for now but as we move ahead you'll look at a few more models to understand how to evoke more awareness some of the things to keep in mind right now. Don't ask questions like, "Explain the situation to me. Tell me more. Tell me exactly what happened." Cuz th this is where the client is now just describing. They're not reflecting. They're not thinking. They're just describing it. So instead, ask them reflective questions. Do not interrupt the client. Um the only exception is let's say if the client is talking a lot. So, I say that when the client is talking a lot, let's say 10 minutes have gone by and you're like, "Oh my god, when do I ask my next question?" What I say is that no matter how talkative the client is, they're going to take a little pause because nobody can talk for that long. They're going to take a little pause tiny minuscule pause to breathe. That's where you can say you can ask your question if they're what they were especially if they're what they're talking about is just you know a lot of ad hoc talk or I'll stop them. I'll stop them. For example, I had a client. She was constantly talking about but she was sharing a lot of irrelevant details cuz I think her she was overregulated. So I said, "Hey, um I'm a little curious about some of the things that you just talked about. How do you feel about taking a pause here and I can check in with you about that? And more often than not, they're relieved because they come in the session feeling like they have to share, share, share, share. But when I stop them, they're like, "Ah, yes, sure. What would you like to ask about?" Because remember, by this time, I already have the agreement. So, I know which parts are relevant and which parts are her or him just filling up the space. Don't ask any leading questions. They look like do you, can you, is it, are you. Don't ask any why questions. The client feels attacked. Ask open questions. Open questions. The trick is to identify them is they start with what, how, when, where, who. And no judgment, no judging, no advising at all. Some of the tricks to use is or some of the strategies to use is very useful for a client who's just shared a lot. Paraphrase, paraphrase it back for them or headline. Another technique we use is headlining. So from what you just told me, I heard number one, number two, number three. It helps them hear their own thought process with a little bit more clarity. And it helps them kind of make all that. So I have a client who always says, "I've rambled so much. I don't even know what I just said." So I use paraphrasing technique or headlining technique with her a lot and she really appreciates that because she's like, "Wow, now I know what I talked about." So then I say okay what part of that would you like to you know focus on now silence as a tool. So everybody who spoke about silence so many of you Karen Michael Mark all of you talked about silence um that is very very useful when you're in the awareness stage because I say one thing and again write it down somewhere. If you are filling the silence then you in that silent space is when the client was listening to their own thoughts. When you say the minute you say something you've disrupted that process of them thinking and listening to their own thoughts. So Ela I see you. I'll just come back to you in a few seconds. Um awareness stage is a great stage to um explore emotions because underneath the behavior they're talking about, there's always emotions. This is a stage where you're curious. This is a stage where you challenge them. And remember, 20% talk time. 20% talk time for you, 80% for them. That automatically means your questions are shorter, crisper. You're not even when you're paraphrasing, it's to the point. This is what I heard. 1 2 3 for you. Immediately link to a coaching question or be silent. See how do they fill the space up? And the main purpose of awareness stage is to look for a root cause. So the behavior they identifying is surface level behavior. What's underneath that behavior? That's the root cause. Yes, Ela. Thank you for waiting. >> You're welcome. Um, my question I've I've had this happen twice, two different people where the individual just talks and talks and talks. Would you would you in fact the first one the the you know the ident the goal that had been identified by the manager was exactly this uh over talking >> um and and and then the second one the goal or perhaps not the goal but an observation of the second person's manager was that this person often deflects and doesn't you know bring it back to the role that they're playing. So in both cases the person literally I mean we could spend the entire hour just with them talking without take almost without taking a breath. >> And you know the thought going on in my mind was at some you know when do I when or do I at all should intervene? Do I stop them at some point? Do I interrupt them? Because there was no natural pause. Do I say, you know, I'm sorry to interrupt you, which is actually what I did, um, in both instances, and then tried to ask a question that kind of was more >> focused on an aspect, but I I'm not I'm, you know, I I'm that was just what I thought to do in the moment. What what's your guidance? >> Okay, so quick question. Did this coaching session have a agreement at the start of the session? >> So the first one had an agreement. >> The second one not a written agreement, just a download from the >> It's never written, by the way. It's always verbal. >> Oh, okay. >> By agreement, I mean, did you did you did the cl was the client able to come up with the focus of the session of the 60-minute session? So the first client the overtalker um their focus of well the focus of the coaching program which was 6 to8 sessions >> was in their interpersonal behavior and relationships with other colleagues and the and feedback that they got in their 360. Um what the manager had said to me privately was that the overtalking was one of the biggest issues and that they came across as arrogant and not listening to others. In this the second client um there was feedback from the manager about what he saw as the person's development areas and why and performance issues >> and then it was kind there was but there was no three-way with the with the coachy. It was then over to the you you and the coach off you go. >> So half of your problems of this issue that you're talking about will go away this challenge when there is a an in overall alignment that this is what's why the client is coming in if he or she knows that yeah this is why I'm coming in I I I know that I over talk and I want to address this. But when you have the session agreement so when you ask those questions and I'm going to come to that right right in the next slide. what is it that you want to talk about? And I'll show it to you in just a little bit. Those questions are so kind of open yet contained that the even an overtalker would be like, "Huh, hold on." You know, there's only so much I can say about this. But like I said, um I had such a client who like I said was just she was talking about all kinds of details and she was a rambler. I could tell that. So um I saw an opening. Even if I didn't see an opening, I was like, "All right." Uh, so let's say if she was called Elaine, is it Ela? I've you've been speaking for a while. How do you how do you feel about taking a short break while I check in with you what I've heard so far? >> And it was a respectful way for and I I would the rest of the things that you have still to share, we'll come back to them. And then she said, "Yeah, sure. Go ahead." And I said, "Okay, so what I've heard so far is.1 2.3." Now, when I heard that, I was curious. dot dot dot a coaching question. So then I got her busy reflecting about that. >> However, um and this was even before the agreement was done like she just came in and she started talking and if that happens then I just stop there and I'd say hold on Elaine I'm thank you for sharing. I would just like to check in with you what's going to be the focus of our session today. So I even because this happens suddenly a client comes in and says oh hello Meen so good to see you and okay so today I want to talk about it and you're like oh my god you didn't even get a chance to say hello. So that's when I said all right hold on take a deep breath um and how about uh before we get into what you want to talk about let's just um work together to understand what the session is going to be about. So tell me what would you like to focus and then I'm very careful to use the words with this kind of particular. So what would you like to focus on in today's session? What would be a useful um you know topic to address in today's session? So automatically it puts you in that position where like oh there's a certain way to answer this question that she's just asked me. >> Yeah. Make sense? Does that make sense? But it would make a little bit more sense to you when I explained this to you. >> Super helpful. I have another question and it may be answered. So tell me to park it if necessary. >> But the the other question is what happens when the person you know you've asked that question. What would you like to focus on in this session? and what they come back with has got no relation to what the what the original coaching agreement or the manager um wants you to work on with the person. You know, they've got that huge blind spot. So, yeah, they >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So, this this is where I'll bring your attention back to the three uh three uh step rule that I follow. One, I'll take the technical route. So, I'll just immediately name the piece. So, let's say they've they've been um they've been put into uh work on their leadership skills, but what they want to talk about is their divorce. No link, right? But I'll go in the technical way first. I'll I'll check with them that um I just want to flag it that the reason you're here or this coaching engagement is all about exploring your leadership skills. But I can see that you want to talk about your divorce. I'm just curious, what's the link between leadership and your upcoming divorce? M maybe there is a link uh maybe they'll tell me that there is absolutely no link and you know they don't agree with HR they don't need this coaching and they'll just talk about their divorce that's when I'll tell them that we have to go back and recontract so let's explore today since we are already here let's talk about your your the topic that you are bringing in let's see if we can find any link maybe they you're they're feeling lost as a leader because of their personal issues And then after today, how do you what's the best way to proceed? How do you feel about having a three-way conversation? How how do you feel about we'd have to go back and discuss with HR how we can recontract? If they say, "No, I don't want my HR to find out." And that's when again I would invite them. I would challenge them a little bit. I would ask them, "What's the reason you don't want HR to find out? What's worrying you?" And they might tell me, "I'm going to look bad, but but how's your divorce holding you back from your leadership potential?" So by the end of the session which they've already paid for, it's already scheduled. They may realize that actually their divorce is standing in the way of their leadership skills. They might say you know what I'm going to continue this coaching with you. Uh yes I am going to talk about leadership but can we also touch upon how like how you did today how it's affecting my leadership or they'll say no absolutely not not in this. And that's when you know the third point is you terminate the contract >> but in partnership with the client respectfully non-judgmentally and of course there are ways of doing it. So one way I do it for I have had a client once who said that you know what I'm not interested in this I've shown up today but I'm not interested. So I said, "Okay, heard you. How do you feel about are you open or how do you feel about uh since you're already here just using these 60 minutes to explore what's going on? What's the reason you don't want to be here?" So my focus on that session was just to figure out why they didn't want and you'll be amazed that they actually ended up continuing the the go, >> right? >> Because the reasons even they hadn't considered the reasons. So it turned out that they benefited from it when they heard their own thoughts. So yeah, it really varies. But I hope that answers your question. >> Yes. Yes. Thank you. >> All right. So from the awareness stage, you move to the action stage where now it's action doesn't mean that they have to get up and do something. Thinking learning is also an action. So I'd either link them to an action that based on what you've just shared or what you've been aware of what's standing out for you what would be different now what would you do now what options have come up for you and for each option or for the option that comes up for them we'll talk about the what and the where and the how and the when and the who and then like I said the accountability what is the level of commitment you have what could still go wrong how would you what would how would you proceed forward? How would you make sure you commit to this process and then you move towards closing and when I'm closing this one thing to keep in mind that you close in partnership with the client. So 10 minutes into this when uh you know towards the end of the session I'll say all right so we have 10 minutes left into the session. So it's a quick reminder for them how much time is left. I would like to check in with you. Um what are you walking what are you taking away from today's session? What are some of the insights that you've got from today's session? And a question that I love asking personally is um and this is towards the last 2 3 minutes when I'm just about to close the session. I would ask them what would you like to acknowledge yourself for the work we did in today's session? I've seen that it helps the clients end on a high that yeah this is the work I did this is what I would like to acknowledge myself from and then you partner with them to close the session not partnering looks like that well um 1 hour is up time's up all right see you later that's one directional um partnering up looks like all right we have 3 4 minutes left into the session I was wondering if there's anything else you would like to share or how would you like to close the session so they'll tell me I'd like to close by telling this or sharing this or um telling you and also one little tip um maybe the third last or the second last question towards closing I would close like this I would do a little check-in to the agreement we had for the session. So when we started 60 minutes ago you said you wanted to come up with one strategy um to understand how to overcome your anxiety. I want to check in with you. Where are we on that? So again, not asking did you achieve this or not? Was it useful or not? It's just where are you on that? Just so they measure their own progress themselves and play it back and hear it themselves as well.

All right. Now, this is I've given you like a lot to go with when you're practicing from now on. I'm just going to do just take a little small deep dive into what the agreement looks like. Agreement there are four elements of it. Very very important. Of course, building the rapo like I already told you told you. What would you like to talk about today? Like I said, it could be very broad. So you clarify that further. You ask a measure. So this is a recap of what I've already told you and then I'll tell you a new one new point. How would you know you've achieved this? Um how what would tell you that it has been a good session? One way sometimes I ask is that uh by you know towards the end of our time together what would make you feel that this has been a really useful session for you? What would make this a useful session for you? um if you were once you you know 60 minutes later when you walk out of this session what would make you say ah I benefited so so much from this so it is nothing to do with me my skills as a coach but hey how do you want to another question I ask is how would you like to use this space and what do you want to get out of it um I usually do ask a question when I'm clarifying the goal I do ask them what makes it important for them to bring that goal so it kind of really anchors the goal for them Um, and sometimes if they're not really sure, they say, "You know what? Now you mention it, it's not very important. I think I'm I the other goal that I talked about is more important." And just a um bonus question, what is what is what has been in the way so far? So, what has stopped you from achieving this so far? What has been in the way so far? Um, what has blocked you said you want to overcome your anxiety. What has blocked that for you so far? So just to understand that what's the reason that they're they're bringing it but what's the reason it hasn't been resolved. Um another way to ask that is what do you need to address to achieve this? So you said that you want to overcome your anxiety. What do you need to address to overcome your anxiety? So that also becomes a really good question to get into the awareness stage. Now a little new thing that I wanted to tell you here was there are times when the client would do an agreement let's say 15 20 25 minutes later you'd notice that they started talking about something completely different or they went on in a different direction. It is your role as a coach to bring their attention to it and recontract reo the agreement again session agreement again if needed. So let's say this anxiety client started talking about um you know I just realized that I also really struggle with conflict management and I want to come up with a strategy for that. So I'll say you know what uh I noticed that so not here the word notice is something I would avoid even I'll say so when we came in when we started our work together you said that you would like to work on your anxiety to overcome it and now I sense now I notice that you want to talk about um you know conflict management I want to do a little check-in with you what direction would you like to take here is where I also remind them of the time that we have 20 minutes left. What direction would you like to take? So, it's their decision. If they change it, they're like, "Yeah, yeah, I want to talk about I think I've talked enough about anxiety. I want to talk about delegation uh conflict management." Now, that's okay. You move in their direction. Your only job is to recontract. One another point um sometimes a client might come in might answer your question again Elaine um and they come up with two or three goals and you know that it's not possible to address all goals in a 60-minut session. Again I'll flag it for them. You said that you want to talk about conflict management, you want to talk about anxiety and you want to talk about delegation. Um we have 60 minutes together. Which one is the most important for you to address in today's session? Or if I see my gut tells me there's a link. So I'll ask them. I'll say um they are three different topics but they all seem I can sense they're all very important to you. What is the link? How are you linking all of them up? So maybe they'll say well I'm linking them up because I I want to be a better leader or I want to be a better person. Um or sometimes they'll say ah there's no link. They're three different topics. That's when you can ask them so what topic would you like to talk about in today's session? it would just clarify their thought process more. Yeah. All right. How's that showing up for everybody? Yeah. Okay. So, what we're going to do is we're going to take a little break. If there are no questions, um, we're going