Marriage, Divorce & Truth of Jesus Explained | Pastor Josh Howerton

Man, let's uh give it up for Colton and Kiley. And we're proud of you guys. Proud of you guys.

I want to go ahead and just lay a spiritual foundation. There are some of you who, you did not know it, but you stumbled in today and you were in the situation they were in. And by the end of this service, the spirit of God will have worked on a man of God or a woman of God's heart, and you're going to bend your knee to the Lordship of Jesus. We're going to be celebrating you soon. I just want you to know, you just put a miracle in motion by being here today. So, buckle up. It's going to be awesome.

Let me go ahead and uh, we got to get straight to work because there's a lot I've got to answer some very difficult questions about divorce and remarriage at the end of this message. So, buckle up and we got to, we got to be pretty quick, but I want to give you this. I'm going to give you some homework. We have compiled and we put some energy into this, a resource bank of things to help you grow as a man of God or a woman of God in your marriage for a marriage for God. So, if you could do this, um, if you could text the word marriage to the number 20411, we've got a few things right there. There's like some little date night questions me and Janna use just to keep things rolling. So, it's really, really helpful.

We've got um, we asked you what questions you wanted us um to answer about marriage, gender, sexuality, divorce, all the things. And six or 800 questions later, there were tons of questions I'm obviously not going to have time to answer in in in this message. A lot of those questions, very frankly, were nitty-gritty questions about uh about sex and intimacy in marriage. That's not this sermon. But, those are important questions 'cause people have real questions about real things. So, me and Janna hopped on a podcast and we answered biblically a lot of those questions. You're going to get a link to that there, too. So, I'm going to give you some homework for you to maybe like Tuesday night, she listens to the podcast, you listen to the podcast, then maybe you talk about it uh on a date night. I'm just going to tell you, husbands and wives, for both of you, that's going to go very well for you. So, you can text the word marriage to the number 20411, get all those resources, and uh, we're going to get rolling, okay?

Let me get right in. And we got a lot to get to today. We're starting a series today called Investigating Jesus. This is going to take us all the way up to Easter asking and answering the most common questions people have about what Jesus did, who he was, and what he said in his life. And one of the most common questions that people have about Jesus in our culture are questions about what Jesus did or did not say about things like gender, marriage, sexuality, divorce, and remarriage. So, we're going to lean into some extremely heavy things today, okay? So, we got your Bibles, just roll over with me to Matthew 19.

Now, before I'm going to get a running start into this passage, let me give you a quick theology of marriage. What you're going to notice in the Bible is that the Bible both starts and ends with a wedding. The Bible starts with a wedding in Genesis chapter 2 between Adam and Eve, and then the Bible ends with a wedding in the book of Revelation between Jesus who is called the groom or husband men of the church and his bride the church. So, in the book of Revelation, the Bible says that history ends with a wedding, the marriage supper of the lamb when we as the church are united as a bride to our groom Jesus Christ. That's the analogy in the Bible.

Now, if you go back to the book of Genesis, some of you might be wondering like, "Man, why is marriage so hard? Like, it's just so hard. It just feels like there are constant attacks." The reason for that is found in the scriptures. So, the first wedding happens in Genesis chapter 2 between Adam and Eve. Satan doesn't show up until Genesis chapter 3. Here's the big idea that explains what's happening in your life is as soon as the wedding is done, war is declared. It's actually not until after the first wedding that Satan enters the picture and goes, "I got to destroy that thing." Here's why, little theology, because the book of Malachi says that what God is doing in godly marriages is seeking godly offspring so that we can raise generations. When you bend your knee to the lordship of Jesus, it doesn't just change your life, it changes your legacy and your lineage. And this is what God wants to do for you and he's going to do it for some of you today.

Now, the big idea is your spouse is not your enemy, but you and your spouse have an enemy and your enemy wants you to think that your spouse is your enemy. So, what Satan does is he's always since Genesis trying to turn it from man and wife to man versus wife. Good news though, when Jesus came and lived a perfect life and died on a cross, he defeated our enemy and now the people of God can be filled with the spirit of Jesus Christ and if anybody is in Christ, they're a new creation. So, watch this, you can have a new marriage with the same spouse by the power of the spirit of God in you. You can become new people. So, that's the hope that we walk under and in today. It's going to be awesome.

All right, now, Matthew 19, we're going to get to a a bunch of hard questions about marriage, divorce and remarriage. Here we go. Matthew 19. If you like a lot of Bible, you're going to love this sermon. If you don't, why are you here? Okay, so Matthew 19, here we go.

>> [clears throat] >> Some Pharisees came to test him. I just want to say this, the greatest test some of you will ever face is what are you going to do with marriage, divorce and sexuality? I just want to point this out, what some of you are doing that you don't know that you're doing is you're considering following Jesus, but in your heart of hearts, what you're doing is you go, "Man, but if Jesus asked me to give up this part of my sex life or if Jesus asked me to honor my marriage in this way or if Jesus asked me to do this with a decision about divorce that I'm considering, well, then I'm out." And can I just point this out, if that's your posture towards Jesus, you're actually not trusting Jesus, you're testing Jesus. And we don't want to test Jesus. What we want to do is trust Jesus because we believe that his commands are good for us. This has been happening for 2,000 years. The greatest test that people face is what you are going to do with marriage and sexuality in your life in response to Lord Jesus.

So they come and they test him. And they ask, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" Now watch this language for any and every reason. Now when they use that language, it's weird language. When they use that language for any and every reason, let's do a little We're going to Bible nerd out for a second here. There's a whole background going on here. So in Jesus' day, he was not the only really popular Bible teacher. There were There were these two other rabbis that were very popular when Jesus was alive. Their names were Rabbi Shammai and Rabbi Hillel. Now, these two guys, it's a little nerdy, they had a a public debate over a verse in Deuteronomy chapter 24, and they disagreed with each other about when does the Old Testament allow for divorce. So on the one hand, you had a guy named Rabbi Shammai, and he was like the more theologically conservative guy, and what he believed is that the Old Testament only allowed for divorces in cases of unchastity or adultery, and he believed that it didn't just allow for it, that God commanded and demanded divorce in that situation. So that was him on the one hand. On the other hand, you have this guy named Rabbi Hillel, who's a little more like theologically liberal, and he believed that that a husband could divorce his wife, quote, this was his language, "for any and every reason." That was his language. So like he believed anything displeasing to a husband was legitimate grounds for a biblical divorce, even including, like he wrote this down, things like burnt fish or burnt toast, divorce, okay? I will refrain from comment. I had a whole bunch of jokes and none of them felt right, okay? So this is what he said.

Now, so when they come to Jesus and they go, "Jesus, um, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" What the Pharisees are doing is they're going, "Jesus, whose side are you on? Are you on the Shammai side or are you on the Hillel side?" Now, watch how Jesus answers. He says, watch this, "Haven't you read?" "Haven't you read?"

Now, notice when Jesus starts talking about marriage, he does He says, "Haven't you read?" He does not say, "Have you not heard from culture around you?" He does not say, "Have you not learned from your Juco gender studies professor?" He does not say, "Have you not listened to your therapist that you see on Thursday?" He does not say, "Have you not watched your favorite little Tik Tok influencer or your favorite little woke pagan Swifty Sex and the City podcaster?" Listen, bro, I'm going all out at today. I'm going right at it. He does not say that. What he does is, watch this, when Jesus starts talking about marriage, he says, "Have you not read in the word of the living God?" Listen, here here's the big idea. You You must understand this. Satan has a plan to bless or sorry, God has a plan to bless your marriage and Satan has a plan to curse your marriage and ultimately you get to decide which plan you're on. God's plan to bless your marriage is in his word and Satan's plan to curse your marriage is in the world. So, all you have to do to decide is our marriage going to be blessed or cursed is decide are we going to look to the word or to the world for how to do marriage?

And can I just say this, man? Again, I'm going to be like I'm going to heads up. I'm going to say multiple things today that you're going to be like, "I can't believe he said that." Listen, I'm not saying those things because I don't love you. I'm saying those things 'cause I do. It Listen, if you've got cancer inside of you or your family or your marriage. If I like preach with a feather duster and apologize for 30 things and nuance everything and take it really light and 30 jokes, if I do that, I'm not going to get cancer out of your family. To get cancer out of you, the Bible says the word of God is living and active and sharper than a two-edged sword. It's like a cutting tool. What you need is a scalpel to get inside of your family and your life and cut out the thing that Satan will use to destroy your marriage. In fact, can I just I just want to point this out. What I'll say some things in the next few minutes, the Bible is is going to say things about marriage, sexuality, and divorce that are very controversial to the world. So, you'll be like, that's you be like, that's controversial. My response to that is, to who? To who? Because what the world says about marriage is controversial to heaven. I would rather be pleased I would rather heaven be pleased and the world say we're controversial than be applauded by the world and controversial before heaven. That's what she Listen, this is what you want, okay? And let me just say this, why in the just stop and think stop and think. Why in the world would you want to do what the world says is normal in mar- Do you know what's normal in the world? Broke, depressed, popping Xanax like it's Skittles, you know, getting divor- divorced three times, can't figure out what a boy or a girl is, end up an old three-time divorced cat person. That's like what's normal in the So, let me just ask why I know it's like, "Oh, I can't believe it." Why in the world would you want to do what's normal in the world? They can't figure out what a dude is. So, like we just want to go, "What does the word of God say?" That's the thing that matters, okay?

Now, check this out. Now, check this out, man. Here's what I love. I did Listen, man, I probably did more sermon prep this week than in a long time. I agonized over this. What's amazing is I love when sociology is always discovering what theology was already saying. So, I just want I want to waterboard you with this. I want you to see, guys, God's plan for marriage works. It works. It's blessed. It will bless your life. So, let me just rattle these off real quick. Stats, I'm a stat guy. You are 46% less likely to commit adultery if you believe the word of the Bible is the literal word of God, according to the Journal of Family Issues. People who said that religion was, quote, "very important" had the lowest level of extramarital affairs, according to Institute for Family Studies. There was a 14-year-long study from the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University involving more than 66,000 participants, and they found that regular religious service attendance results in 50% lower divorce rates later in life. By the way, some of you have grown up hearing this little stat, "Well, Christians get divorced at the same rate as the world." Lies. That is That is an outright lie. You have been lied to. In fact, the people with the lowest divorce rates in America are conservative, Bible-believing people that regularly attend church together. That's the lowest divorce rates in America, okay? So, you got this. Let me keep going.

>> [clears throat] >> Uh active conservative Protestants who regularly attend church are 35% less likely to divorce compared to those who have no affiliation, according to Brad Wilcox, the director of the National Marriage Project. Who has the best sex and marital intimacy in America? Check this out. Studies show that religious couples enjoy far more satisfying sex than their secular compatriots. I'm going to download it just kind of summarize the research for you. Conservative, Bible-believing married couples who attend church regularly are in the group that has the most frequent and the best sex in America. Let me just say this, you're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. That's all I'm saying. You're welcome.

So, let me keep going. What Jesus does is he says, "Have you not read?" There's blessing in the word of God. He replied, "that at the beginning the creator made them male and female." And I don't want to angry T off on this real quick, but just like I just want to say it in our culture you got to say it, okay? Jesus, [clears throat] when he defines marriage, you'll hear the crazy people and politicians on TV, "Jesus never said anything about the definition of marriage." It's right here. Jesus, when he defines marriage, defines marriage as between one biological man and one biological woman in a one flesh covenant and one covenant in in a one flesh relationship in one covenant for one lifetime. So, when Jesus defines marriage, he defines it as between a man and a woman. And listen, whoever designed it gets to define it. The Supreme Court cannot redefine what the supreme king of the universe already designed. And Jesus said this, he said, "In fact, I'll just say it. This is the definition of marriage and anything that does not fit this definition is not even a marriage in God's sight. It doesn't matter what you call it, okay?" So, this is what Jesus saying. This is this is what a marriage is. Verse 5, "And he said, 'And for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two are going to become one flesh, so they are no longer two, they are one. They're no longer two, they're one.'"

Now, >> [clears throat] >> what I'm going to do right here for the next like 3 minutes, this is the heart This may be the hardest part of the message to receive, but it's the most important part. Here's the principle that I'm working from. If God's way leads to life, then not doing it God's way is going to lead to death. Let me say that one more time because it's it's important principle. If doing marriage God's way leads to life and blessing, then not doing marriage God's way is going to lead to death and cursing, okay? So, here's what I want [clears throat] you to do one more time. At all of our campuses, if you're with your spouse, would you just grab your spouse's hand real quick, even if you're not doing great right now. Actually, especially if you're not doing great right now. Grab your spouse's hand and when I count to three, I just want you to out loud say a one sentence prayer. Just say, "Father, speak to us." Okay? 1 2 3 "Father, speak to us." So, Lord, what we're doing right now is your kids just said, "Speak, Lord, your servants are listening." Okay.

Here we go. So, what this is saying right here when Jesus says there's no longer two but one, when he says one, what he's saying is your spouse, when you get married, is your highest earthly priority above all other things. Now, here's what I'm going to do, okay? Weird weird sermon. I'm going to give you three easy ways to kill your marriage. That's what I'm going to do. Three easy ways to kill your marriage. Now, when you see them and it's like, "Oh, crap, I'm doing that." And I'm sorry. I'm trying not to say that in sermons. "Oh, dang." Whatever word you want to use. Uh shoot, I'm doing that. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I'm allowed to say. Okay, so then just let the Holy Spirit start to work on you, okay? So, here we go. Three easy ways to kill your marriage. Here we go. Okay, number one. Put your career or your kids before your spouse.

Now, I'm going to gender stereotype in the next couple minutes and we're not going to freak out because we're big boys and girls and we don't act like internet mobs at Lake Pointe, okay? So, so here's the deal. First, let me talk to the men. As a man speaking to men. So, theology of manhood, what the Bible says, notice in book of Genesis that that Adam is found in the wilderness but Eve is created in the garden. And Adam is put in the garden to quote work it and keep it. So, now you're going to notice this. Adam is given a calling and a career and then Eve is created as a helper for Adam. So, check this out. This is super unpolitically correct but it is very biblically correct. What this means is the way that God has designed families is for a husband and a wife to be equals but not equivalents. And you, husband, your job in your family is to be the loving head of your home. And you, wife, in your family is to be the respectful helper in your home. So, the husband is primarily oriented towards the marketplace in general to protect and provide. And then the wife, it's like the least politically correct verse in the entire Bible, it's 1 Corinthians 11. The Bible says that the man was not created for woman but the woman for man. And what that means is that she is primarily oriented oriented towards the home and the husband to help in that way. Okay, now that's a whole we talk about that on the podcast. I can't deep dive that right now. What this means for you husbands is your temptation will be to take a good thing and make it a god thing and end up prioritizing at different seasons of your life your work or your career over your wife. And listen to me husbands, you must never do that. Because you are not one flesh with your job, but you are one flesh with your wife. Your employer can get a new employee. Your wife cannot get a new husband. You must never prioritize those things over your wife. Okay? Now, are there seasons where it's like, "Hey babe, the next couple months I'm going to be going pretty hard. It's going to be a little unique and then I'm going to come back we're going to make it up." Totally. I have seasons like that. I'm I love I like to work. That's how I'm wired. I like to work. I like to build. I like to accomplish. But I got to make sure that my priority stays my priority and you must do that.

Okay, now wives let me let me gently lean into you and let me even with my tone of voice try to do it a little different. Just a little gentler. Wives, in general your temptation generally speaking will be to different seasons of your life prioritize your children above your husband. And listen to me, you must never do that. Now, here's why I'm saying that. Just track with me. Because even though your children literally came from your flesh, the Bible does not say that you are one flesh with your children. It does say that you are one flesh with your husband. And your job is to maintain that priority above this priority. Now, every now and then and if you've ever done this like much grace, I'm not trying to embarrass anybody. Every now and then I'll be out in the lobby and like a well-meaning wife with her husband is just sort of there's a little boss babe vibe that usually happens with this kind of thing. They'll walk up, and the kids are skirting around down here, and I'll I'll reach out, and the kids will make a little noise, and I'll reach out to grab the husband's hand, and she'll interject because of what's going on with the kids and say, "Oh, it's okay. My husband knows my babies come first." Great way to kill your marriage. You want to kill your marriage? Just keep doing that. That's all you got to do, just kill it, okay? Why? Because even though those kids came from your flesh, you are not one flesh with your husband.

Now, can I explain how this going to work? This right here, this is like I know it's awkward. Just hold on, and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you. This right here is why people very frequently don't get divorced at years five, six, and seven. They get divorced at years 25, 26, and 27. Let me explain why that is increasingly I see it. Let me explain why that happens. Because generally speaking, when two people get married, the husband and the wife, they're prioritizing each other, and she's got the priorities correct. But then, after they become one flesh, news flash, if you're one flesh often enough, a lot of times little kids start running around, okay? That's how that works. So then, they're one flesh, and then the kids start running around, and then all of a sudden the kids become the wife's primary priority. They start getting her best energy. She's too tired for fun. She's too tired for regular intimacy in the marriage. Sometimes literally the wife is the one that's driving the energy behind I'm going to go all the way in right now behind the kids sleep doing the co-sleeping thing for months and months and months, or sometimes years and years and years. Now, when they're newborns and they're 3 weeks old, is that different? Totally understand. Are there medical situations? Totally understand. But in general, can I just say something? Dear sir or dear madam, there should be things happening in your marriage bed that would scar your children for life if they saw them. And you need to be protecting the purity of the marriage bed. Listen to me, so those things can happen frequently in Jesus name. Amen. Okay. The frequently, okay?

Now, can I can I just So, here's here's what will happen. I'm just going to tell you what will happen. So, she's the wife's primary energy starts going towards the kids, and then all of a sudden they doing the co-sleeping thing. Do you know why that happens? Because her energy's rolling over there. The husband knows really it's like, man, he's scared of his wife's emotions. And because he the new younger husband never conquered his fear of his wife's emotions, he knows she's going to throw a fit if we draw if I draw a line on this thing, and he's too scared of her emotions to lead his family. And so, because he never conquered his fear of his wife's emotions, her emotions are dominating the home instead of his godly leadership leading the home. And this is how you get the situation where what God has joined together, kids that are sleeping in their parents' beds for years are pulling apart. So, so this is what happens. So, so the kid the kids take her primary energy. Now, the husband starts getting jealous because jealousy literally means somebody else is in my place. So, because she's prioritizing the kids, he's like, well, I'll just start prioritizing my career. So, she's focusing over here, he's focusing over there. I'm going to use the word hell here in a second. Don't freak out at me. I'm using it on purpose. So, then the kids grow up, and then they go to college like 20 years later, and they're looking around and like, the whole mar- the thing that was keeping the marriage together was the kids. Now, the kids go off to college, the marriage and the home are awful, and they're like, what the hell happened? Well, hell happened. Because you pulled hell up into your marriage by violating the principles of heaven. Heaven was telling you, you prioritize your husband over your children, your wife over your career, and this is what you're called to do. Okay?

Now, second way second way that you easy way to kill your marriage, put your parents before your spouse. Okay. >> [laughter] >> So, this is what Jesus says. He says, "For this reason, a man will leave." Everybody say leave. A man will leave his father and mother, and he will and the old King James says cleave. Your NIV or ESV is going to say hold fast to. Leave and cleave. Leave uh father and mother and cleave to his wife. Now, here's a big idea. You can't cleave fully unless you leave fully. Now, here's the mistake some people make. If if you're in that generation, you got you got adult kids growing up and getting married, and [snorts] a lot most of the time people don't mean something bad by it. It's just something people say. Is you'll have adult children getting married, and you'll say, "Oh, man, we're so excited to add a son to our family." Or we're so excited to add a daughter to our family. And can I just you know say, "Hey guys, that's not what's happening." You're not adding a son or a daughter to your family. Your son or your daughter are leaving your family. They're starting their own family, and now it's their job to prioritize their immediate family over their extended family. And when they left your family and started their own family, you became extended family, and their new family is their immediate family. So, here's how this how this it works out at holidays and vacations and money and all these things. Is is parents will say like, "Hey man, but we don't do that in our family." No, no. You don't do that in your family, but they just started a new family. Hey, oh oh this is what we do at holidays in our family. Well, that's great. That's your family, but they started a new family, and their job is to prioritize their family. So, what we're not going to do is try to control kids with tears or threats or money. We're going to let them leave our family, start their own family, and prioritize their immediate family over their extended family.

So, let me just I know it's tense, but let me just sort of lean in like, young men, it's good. Like, if you're a new younger married guy, it's a good thing that you love your mama. It's a good thing that you were a mama's boy growing up, but when you get married, it's time to stop being a mama's boy and become a man's man and prioritize your wife over every other woman on Earth. Okay? Now, that's like feminine applause. That's young women applauding. Okay? Now, if you're a wife, listen, it's great that you love your dad. You should love your dad for the rest of your life. And it's great that you were a daddy's girl growing up, but when you Listen, when you I've got two daughters. Someday whole bud uh someday my two daughters Think about what happened at your wedding. I'm going to be at a wedding and God willing, I will walk Who's going to walk them down the aisle? I'm going to walk my two daughters down the aisle. bud And in that moment, I will literally take the hand of my daughter and in front of everyone there, I will hand her hand to another man. Pray for me right now. I'm not doing great. And [snorts and clears throat] in that moment, what I will be signifying is I am transferring headship over my daughter from myself to another man. When your husband or when your dad walked you down that aisle and handed your hand to another man, what he was doing is signifying, I am giving you away and transferring headship from me to that guy. So, watch this. It's It's It's Your Your Your father has a place, but your husband has the priority.

So, now, let me just say something to the younger If you're the one that's like you're in your 20s or 30s, whatever, and you're the one getting married, can I just say something to you? You live in a culture that is satanically discipling you to treat your parents in the exact opposite way that God wants you to treat your parents. Okay? The um the the command of the Bible that God says will come with a blessing. It's what it's it's a blessing. The says um he says this. He says, "Honor your father and mother." And then he gives a promise that it may go well with you. Honor your father and mother. Honor your father and mother. This world is discipling you to do the exact opposite. This world will disciple you to blame your father and mother. Blame your father and mother. Blame your father and mother. But listen, in Satan's way there's a curse that accompanies it. God's way there's a blessing that accompanies it. And what you need to understand it check check this out, man. Honoring your father and mother, it looks different when you're really young and when you're older and you got your own family. When you're young, honoring them means obeying them. But watch this, as you get older, you need to honor your father and mother. Watch this. You need to give them a place in your life. You know, I'm talking under normal circumstances. I'm not talking about abuse or edge cases. You need to give them a place in your life. But listen, your the priority belongs to your spouse. So, easy way to kill your marriage, prioritize your parents before your spouse.

Third one, last one. You can kill your marriage very easily by putting yourself before your spouse. It's the easiest way to kill your marriage. So, here's what we want. Everyone in this room, whether you know it or not, you are going to default I'm going to I'm going to show you what they are. You have a default mode in your marriage that you don't know that you have. And based on the mixture of the default modes in your marriage, your marriage is one of three kinds of marriages. Now, I want you to silently ask the Holy Spirit right now, please show me which one I am in your seat, just silently. And here's how this works. Everybody in a marriage has one of two default modes. What we want is to walk into a marriage with a spirit of Jesus Christ who didn't come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. Now, in every marriage, both people have one of two default modes. You're either a selfish taker or you're a servant-hearted giver. One of those is going to be your generalized default mode. A selfish taker or a servant-hearted giver. Now, that's going to result in one of three kinds of marriages. So, every marriage in this room, when I say this, you're going to be like, "Oh man, that's us." and you didn't even know it, okay? When you have a marriage where both people are selfish takers, the marriage feels like a battle because like literally every situation is like, "Well, here's what I want. Well, here's what I want. Here's where I want to eat. Well, here's where I want to eat." and it's just like this battle over whose will is going to win. So, taker and taker marriage feels like a battle.

Now, in some marriages, what you got is you have one selfish taker and one servant-hearted giver. And when you have a giver and a taker, the marriage doesn't feel like a battle, it feels like abuse. Because there's one person who always they're the doormat. And And I'm just going to tell you how this works and it's not Listen, it is not gender-specific. Sometimes it's the guys, sometimes it's the girls. There's usually one person, they always power up, they always throw a big fit, they're always the one that gets the most emotional. It's tears, it's yelling, whatever it is, and you're imposing your will on the marriage because your default mode is to be a selfish taker and her or his default mode, God bless them, is to be a selfless giver. And so, what happens is one person over-functions, one person under-functions, one person always gets what they want because the other person is always throwing a fit. And in those situations, one person is like, "This is great. Our marriage is great. Things are going awesome." and the other person is silently suffering because they've been married to a selfish fit thrower for however long you've been married and they never get what they want. So, your marriage, it doesn't feel like a battle, it feels like abuse.

Now, this third one, here's what we all want. When two people are filled with the spirit of Jesus Christ who is a servant and they both walk in as selfless givers, the marriage doesn't feel like a battle or abuse, everything just feels like a blessing. It's like both people walk in the door going, "Man, what do you want? What would bless you? How can I serve you? Where do you want to eat? Uh it's uh your needs before mine. Uh where do you want to go? What can I do for you? Let me talk for wives. Like let me just be real gentle. Wives, you start walking into the marriage going, "Man, how can I serve you? How can I help you?" I'm going to use a word that is [snorts] like our world hates, but it's a Bible word. Wives, you start walking into the marriage going, "How can I submit to your leadership? How can I respect your authority in our home? How can I bless you?" And then husbands, it's you walking in going, "No, no, no. How can I bless you? How can I wash your feet? Yep, I am the head of my home. How can I use the authority in our home to serve you instead of using the authority God has given me in our home for selfish me? How can I help?" Now husbands, let me just give you a super practical tip, husband to husband. Uh cuz you we're not always awesome at this. What you need to do, husbands, is you need to You need to master the art of something some of you are very unfamiliar with. You need to master the art of Listen close. It's called non-sexual affection. Some of you are like, "Non-sexual? What's that? There's such a thing as non-sexual affection? What What does that even mean?" That's what So you So like ladies, you just need to know Let me just help you out cuz some of you are nervous something's wrong with your husband. A husband can make literally anything sexual. Uh you just need to know that. Y'all got to loosen up here. 11:00, we got more a little more fun with it. So it's like It's just how it works, man. It's I don't know how how it is, just how it works. You'll be like, "Hey babe, we need to change the tires." He's going to be like, "I'd like to change your tires." You know? "Hey babe, we should do the dishes." "I'd like I'd like to do your dishes, you know?" "Hey babe, lawn needs mowed." "I'd like to mow your I'm not doing that." You just All the All the things. It's uh you know, all the all the things, okay? So wives, let me just dispel this for you. If you're going, "What's wrong with him? What's wrong with him?" There's nothing wrong with him. He's a man. That's There's nothing wrong with him, okay? Now, hus- All right, I heard that amen. I heard you. Yeah, I heard you. That's when a little bit.

Now, husbands, what you need to do though is you need to especially if you're a man, you should listen real close right here. You need You need to master this phrase. Master the phrase, I love you because. And then get like super specific. I love you because you work so hard for our family and I see. I love you because you make so many sacrifices that no one will ever know about. I see and I know. I love you for it. I love you because our children are so blessed to have you as their mother. I love you. I love you because of it. I love you because you so selflessly serve in our home. And the joy of the Lord is your strength. I love you for Husbands, if you will master this deal of just like I I know it's not natural. It's not natural for me, but if you just master this thing of like I love you because that's going to go real real real good for you. Okay, now, let's just let's truck here because we got to get to these questions about marriage and divorce that are that are really really tough here.

Okay, so Jesus goes on, he says, "So they are no longer two, but they're one flesh." And then he says, "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." So Jesus' big word for a biblical marriage, watch this, the most important word is one. You're one. Now, again, I'm going to get up in some of our our business real quick here. I'm doing it because I love you. One, what this means is that when you get married, you take separate lives and you leave lives that were separate. His career, my career. His friends, her friends. His direction, her direction. His religious beliefs, her religious beliefs. I'm going to get here in a second. His last name, her last name. You leave lives that are separate and you merge them to become one. And this is awesome, man. One new life. You know, you become more like each other. Yeah, you you the longer you're married, you start bringing out the best in each other. You do frustrate each other a little bit, you know, but you're growing closer. It It's like I know how you're thinking. I can finish Janna's sentences, y'all. You start just seeing the way, you know, they they see things. Even your interests, they start to merge in in weird ways, weird ways. A few years ago, we were in uh we were in Great Britain, me and Janna, and she pulled me into the Jane Austen Museum in Bath, England, and just before I knew it, it's like this happened. Like without me even thinking about it, I'm like, "What the heck just happened?" You know, like, "Oh my gosh." That's my best Mr. Darcy. That's uh you know, I got that. Now, I just want to point this out. Look how happy Janna looks. And I look My face looks different. I just want to point that out. I take that down. The things you'll do. The things you'll do. But you just you start becoming one, you know, you Now, um what's that mean? Let me get real practical. Um now, some of you that are very young, this is going to feel like I'm fighting with you, and that's 'cause you're wrong. I love you, okay? Now, what that means Here's what this means. It means some common sense things. It means you need you need to live in one house. This is super obvious, you know? Unless you're loaded and you got a few houses, then go together, you know? But but one house. It means you need to you know, in general, you need to be sleeping in one bed. One bedroom and one bed. Here [snorts] we go. Means you need one last name. One last name. Now, let me just point this out. Ladies, in our culture right now is doing this big like again, it's the girl boss thing. Like, "I'm not taking any man's name." Okay. Now, now check this out, man. Ladies, when you as a wife choose to willingly take your new husband's name, two things are happening. One, you're visibly symbolizing I'm leaving the leadership of my father and coming under the leadership of my husband. I just want to point this out. So, there's some people like, "Well, I'm not taking on the identity of a man." And so, you kept your dad's last name. So, that's one. You're I'm to let that sit. So you're symbolizing that you can't you're coming under your new husband's leadership, but here's the other thing. What you're symbolizing is we are no longer two, but one. We're not It's a good, God-honoring, wonderful Christian thing for a wife to take her husband's name. Okay? So one last name. Let me do another one. One bank account. Ooh. Ooh, lots of butts clenching, you know, that kind of thing. Okay. You know, here's me I'm just telling you this. The longer I've seen this, I have engine I've never seen maybe short-term, you know, pain alleviation. I've never seen long-term where that worked out. It just feels weird to be one flesh, but then you're separate checking accounts and Venmoing each other for groceries. Feels weird. Okay? One set of values. This is why man, if you're single, that you you need to heed this command. Do not be unequally yoked to somebody that's not a believer. Listen, be very careful Listen, man, be very careful who you marry. It's the second most important decision you'll ever make. Most important decision you'll ever make is what God you worship. Second most important decision you'll ever make, what person you marry. And the Bible says this. It says, "What does What fellowship does light have to do with darkness or Christ with Belial?" That's a word for Satan. So you need to make sure that you only marry somebody where both of you can say, "Jesus is our king and we are both submitting our lives to the word of God in the power of the Spirit of God." That's the only person you marry. Okay? That's it. Now, >> [applause] >> Now oneness.

Now, here's the question and it's it's it's a heavy question. The question that people will ask they ask in this passage is, "Okay, they're want we're one, but when is there an out?" So let me answer a few really difficult questions right here. All right. Now, quick quick quick quick preface here. What some of you are are right now is you're uncomfortable because you know what Jesus says right here. And you're looking at me going, "Pastor, explain why the Bible doesn't mean what it says right here." And I'm just telling you, I can't do that. There [snorts] is a conversation that I decided years ago I I refuse to have. I refuse to stand before the throne of God someday and have to say to Jesus, "Hey Jesus, there were some things that you said to the people that you loved, but I thought they would make them mad and hurt their feelings, so I didn't say those things to them." I refuse to have that conversation someday. And it would actually be selfish, cowardly of me, and it would undercut the reality that God's commands are good for us. So, [snorts] man, just I'm going to tell you just what the word I'm going to read it to you and tell you what the word says. Let me answer the questions. When does God allow for divorce? If I'm divorced, am I allowed to get remarried? If I was divorced and now I'm remarried, am I committing adultery? Because Jesus, you're going to see what Jesus says here, okay? So, let me answer the first question. When does the Bible make an allowance for divorce? Let me talk about three situations. Situation number one, the Bible makes an it's called an exception clause for the the case of physical adultery. Physical adultery. Jesus says, "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." It's saying, "Don't go to the courthouse to undo what was done in

"God's house."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and give her away?"

Verse 8, Jesus replied, "Moses permitted." On the count of three, say permitted. 1 2 3 permitted. He did not say demanded or commanded, he said permitted. Permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard, but it was not this way from the beginning.

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality." The Greek word there is porneia. That's the Greek word from which we get the English word pornography. "Except for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery."

Now, this reinforces what we alluded to earlier in this message. The sex is not just a natural appetite and it is not just two bodies bumping up against each other. It is a supernatural mingling of souls that is so powerful. Watch this. That when two people do it outside of a marriage covenant, that betrayal and violation of the marriage covenant is so deep that Jesus here concedes, he does not command. He concedes but does not command that you may walk away from that marriage. He does not say that you have to. Particularly in a case where one spouse is practicing unrepentant, habitual, they won't stop sexual immorality, especially in cases of physical adultery.

Now, let me just say this. Let me just step in and be a pastor for a second. If you have ever been on the receiving end of a spouse committing adultery, let me just say I'm so sorry. I literally cannot fathom like the pain. Like I literally can't fathom it. That said, let me just gently say, even in that case, I would encourage you for divorce to be a last resort and not a first option. What I would encourage you to do is at least take a season to pray and ask God if he might give you the power to redemptively restore your marriage.

Here's why I say that, man. Because divorce is a radical amputation and amputations are supposed to be last resort. Think about this. If I'm playing flag football with some buddies and I snap my wrist, my first option isn't amputate my hand. That's the last resort. In fact, the only time you do that is if something so nasty is going on in the hand, you got to cut it off to keep it from spreading to the rest of the body and killing the whole body. It's the same with divorce. It is an ugly, radical amputation.

And here's the other reason I say that. Think about the example of Christ and the church. The Bible says the church is Jesus' bride. Hey guys, have you seen this? We are the bride of Christ. We have spent our whole lives being unfaithful to our husband. He ain't never walked away from the covenant with us yet. And I'm just telling you, God knows what it's like to have a spouse that's that's faithless to you. And I'm just telling you, if Jesus is alive and the tomb is empty, then anything is possible. And if he can resurrect a dead body, I have watched him resurrect dead marriages, and he can do it. So, I'm asking you to pause and consider that my God do that.

All right. Situation number two. The Bible makes an exception in the case of abandonment. So, I'm getting ready to read a very weird verse from 1 Corinthians 7. What happened in Corinth is a whole bunch of It was a super jacked-up church. Christians gone wild. They're going nuts. And then God starts radically saving all these people in Corinth, and now they're on team Jesus, but then sometimes their spouse didn't get saved. So, then because the spouse didn't get saved, you got one person on team Jesus, one person's still on team Satan, and they start going, "Paul, what are we supposed to do?" Further complicating it, they had some people who were the the not the unbelieving spouse that were abandoning the believing spouse, and they were going like, "So, are we What do we do? Are we still married? What are we supposed to do?"

Now, watch what he says. This is how Paul answers. "To the rest I say this, if any brother has a wife that's not a believer, and she's willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman woman has a husband who is not a believer, and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. So, if you're the believing spouse and they're the unbelieving spouse, listen, you are not allowed to initiate the divorce because of the incongruence in your value. You're not allowed. Now, you may go, "Well, man, why? It's hard." I'm going to show you here in a second. But, if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or sister is not bound in such circumstances. God has called you to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"

So, what he's saying is, if your unbelieving spouse will stay with you, stay in. Because you might be the supernatural conduit through which God brings redemptive energy in their life to save them and redeem your whole family. Now, in the case where the person just abandons you and they're like, "I hate the Christian stuff. I'm out. I'm leaving." He's saying, "It is permissible for you to allow them to move forward with that divorce." And it's God says, "It's okay. It's okay to let that happen." That's situation two.

Now, situation three is a question people ask. Let me address this question. So, very very difficult. People ask the question, "What about situations of abuse?" Now, listen really close. Listen really carefully. I want to be really careful here because very frankly, we right now live in a culture where a common form of abuse is abuse of the word abuse. And right now in our culture, sometimes anything that makes somebody feel uncomfortable or anybody that causes somebody to causes somebody to feel a negative emotion is automatically labeled abuse and they are automatically labeled an abuser. So, listen, not everything that is called abuse in our culture is actually abuse. But, that does not negate the very real reality that there are real, tragic, and listen, and evil. It's satanic, demonic, and evil. Evil scenarios where evil people abuse their spouses physically, sexually, and other ways. That's a real thing. What do you do?

Well, in 1 Corinthians 7 that I just read, he said, "In such circumstances." This is what he said, okay? And what he was saying is, "If they abandon you, that's a violation of the covenant that's so deep." He says, "You just need to let that separation happen." In the same way, listen, if somebody is abusing you, number one, you need to call the authorities. Number two, call us. We will help you report that person that is hurting you or your children to the authorities. That's why God put governing authorities in place. We will help you do it. And listen, number three, in situations of abuse, at least separation is necessary. Get yourself out, get your babies out, get yourself to safety. You need to make sure that's taken care of.

Now, second question. The These are going to go quick and then the sermon just ends and I'm going to pray for you. Then people are like, "Okay, I've been divorced. Am I allowed to get remarried?" Okay, I hate Should I get remarried? I hate answering this question. A personal axiom I have is What people do is they'll walk up to me in the lobby and they'll tell me 4 seconds of this big life problem and they'll go, "What should I do?" I don't know. I don't I've I've literally heard 4 seconds of your I got no idea, okay? So, my little axiom is the You can have the wisdom of Solomon, but if you have incomplete information, you're going to get fool's counsel. So, what I'm not going to do up here is with 28,000 people listening to me trying to pretend like I understand 28,000 different scenarios and give you a one-size-fits-all thing. I'm not going to do that.

So, let me just generally say this, some of you shouldn't. Some of you should not get married. In fact, you should take some time, man, to get your get your roots down deep in Jesus to be so satisfied with him that you can walk into any future scenario with a cup full and and ready to be able to be what you need to be. You need to do that. But listen to me, what what the Bible says is, "If your divorce was a biblical divorce, then where God allows for divorce, he also allows for remarriage. You're fine. Go forward with no guilt."

Now, the last one is a toughy. Some people read the passage I just read and they go, "Okay, yeah, but Pastor Josh, I got divorced and it wasn't a biblical divorce and now I'm in another marriage. It seems like Jesus is saying that it's adultery. Am I committing adultery and what am I supposed to do?" Okay? Let me say this. And this is again, I don't write the mail, I deliver the mail. If the divorce that you originally got was an unbiblical divorce, it you should not have entered into that second marriage. I'm just telling you what Jesus said. But, listen to me, but even if your second marriage is if it wasn't a biblical divorce, breaking a second covenant doesn't help the first one and the vows you made with your now spouse, those vows matter.

So, what you I'm going to show you why I say this here in a second. What you should do is receive the full and free forgiveness of Jesus Christ. Understand there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Walk forward in freedom. Confess and repent any sin that you had to anybody previously that you sinned against in a previous marriage and then you just need to walk forward and pour yourself into the marriage that you're in and honor that covenant. The reason that I say this, you're like, "Ah, there here's my biblical case." Listen, I studied way too much this week. One of the reasons I say this is think about what Jesus did with the woman at the well where he goes, "Hey, go call your husband." And she's like, "I don't got a husband." And remember what Jesus said, "You're right, you don't have a husband. You've had five husbands and the guy you're living with right now, not one of your husbands." Notice Jesus didn't say, "Well, actually, you only had one husband and there was an unbiblical divorce so the other four weren't actually your husband. Those weren't real marriages and you were just committing adultery the whole time." He didn't say that. Jesus seems to tacitly acknowledge that that's those secondary marriages, those were real covenants with real vows that you should honor because those vows matter.

Now, last thing, church family, the question is, how should we relate to people who have been divorced? Listen to me, church family. We should show mercy to people who have experienced the hell of divorce. We should show mercy. Do you Listen to me. Do you know who you don't got to tell that divorce is awful? Divorce people. Divorce people. They're like, "Yeah, man, that was awful. That was like the worst thing that ever happened to me." They They know that. In fact, whenever that verse in in the book of Malachi says God hates divorce, it says God hates divorce. You know what it What it doesn't say? It doesn't say God hates divorce people. Listen to me. Whoever you are, Jesus Christ loves you. There is no condemnation for you. And for the rest of your life, you don't got to walk around with like some big scarlet D tattooed on your chest. The only big thing scarlet tattooed on you is a big scarlet F for forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ. That's the most true thing about you, man. That's it. So, you walk forward in freedom.

All right, now. Sermon I'm just This sermon just goes off of a cliff. Sermon's done right now. Okay. But, I want to give you action steps. Whenever the word of God is preached and the the spirit of God takes it, he's going to apply it to the people of God. Some of you right now, while I was preaching, you are you have been heading for a divorce or you've been sinning against your spouse in a way that the spirit right now Everybody stay with me. Just stay with me. It's going to be real quick. You are heading to do something that you know is not going to honor God that is actually going to invite hell into your life and your marriage. Repent, man. Come home. Bend your knee to Jesus and watch blessing flow in your life.

Some of you, here's what I know. This is going to be awesome. Okay. Some of you We're reaching a whole bunch of young young men and women right now. It's awesome. I love it. But, what a lot of you is you didn't know what you were supposed to do, so you've actually you're living with somebody that's not your spouse, you're sleeping with somebody that's not your spouse, or you've actually already started a family and had kids with somebody that's not your spouse. And you right now are coming under the loving conviction of the Holy Spirit that you need to honor God, bend your knee to Jesus, put a ring on it, and enter into a covenant with the person that you're already acting like you're in a covenant with. And what I want you to know is we want to help you do that. Because we got a little thing at Lake Point, we say the only time we look down on people is to give them a hand up.

And so here's what we want to do. We got a whole I've set this whole thing up. We got a whole team of pastors, they're ready. We are ready to have a mass wedding ceremony across I'm 100% serious, a mass wedding ceremony across all the campuses of Lake Point. Some of you right now, here's what you need to do. You need to text the word marriage to the number 20411. You're going to see a link on there that says very straightforward. It says get married. Awesome. And you just need to like all right babe, it's our time. Let's go, okay? And you can sign up. We got people who are going to walk with you, counsel you, help you. And then we're going to get you married. We're going to throw a big party. And guess what your church family's not going to be doing. These people aren't going to be judging you, they're going to be cheering you on as you step forward into obedience to Jesus Christ. Welcome to team Jesus. That's what we're going to be doing, okay? So take whatever step the Spirit's asking you to do.

Let me pray for us. Jesus, thank you for being a loving, forgiving, redeeming savior. Thank you for loving marriages. Thank you for blessing marriages. I pray Jesus that you would heal and redeem everything that Satan has broken and stolen. So Father, I pray that repentance would happen. I pray that today that people will be going home and that just lots of I'm so sorrys and lots of I totally forgive yous would just start pouring out of the hearts of people. I pray Lord that you would that I pray over every marriage that their latter days would be greater than their former days in the words of the book of Job. And then for every marriage at Lake Point that actually their best days would be ahead of them. And then because of the power of Jesus Christ, they would be saying soon like, man, this is like this is better than honeymoon season. It is thank you, Jesus. So, Father, bless it to your glory. We pray it in your name and all God's people said, "Amen." Amen and amen.