Transcription
Have you ever read Richard Feman's love letter to his wife? Uh, no. I read The Pleasure of Finding Things Out. Not be able to say this without crying, which is going to be very embarrassing, but I'm going to try.
October 17th, 1946.
To Arlene, I adore you, sweetheart. I know how much you like to hear it, but I don't only write it because you like it. I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write you. It is such a terribly long time since Alash wrote to you, almost 2 years. But I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am stubborn and realistic. And I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know, my darling wife, that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past.
I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I will always love you. I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead. But I still want to comfort and take care of you. And I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you. I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until now that we can do that. What should we do? We started to learn to make clothes together or learn Chinese or get a movie projector. Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you. And you were the idea woman and general instigator of all our wild adventures.
When you were sick, you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn't have worried just as I told you then. There was no real need because I loved you in so many ways, so much. And now it is clearly even more true. You can give me nothing. Yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else. But I want you to stand there. You dead are so much better than anyone else alive. I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way. I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend except you, sweetheart, after 2 years. But you can't help it, darling. Nor can I. I don't understand it, for I have met many girls, and very nice ones, and I don't want to remain alone, but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real. My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead.