Transcription
Well, you fill in the blanks, okay? So now we're going to start discussing men's brains, women's brains, and how they're very different from each other. Now, I want to start with men's brains. All right.
Now, men's brains are, are very unique. Men's brains are made up of little boxes, and we have a box for everything. We've got a box for the car, we got a box for the money, we got a box for the job, we got a box for you, we got a box for the kids, we got a box for your mother, somewhere in the basement. We got, we got, we, we got boxes everywhere. And the rule is, the boxes don't touch. When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box, we pull that box out, we open the box, we discuss only what is in that box. All right. And, and then we close the box and put, put it away, being very, very careful not to touch any other [Applause] boxes. Sorry, my Catholic upbringing got in there for a minute. But [Laughter] I, I'm not a Catholic, but I went to Catholic school when I was little. I, I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there. I mean, I'll never forget it. But, uh, it did me good, actually. It was a good thing.
Now, women's brains are very, very different from men's brains. Women's brains are made up of a big ball of wire, and everything is connected to everything. The money's connected to the car, the car is connected to your job, and your kids are connected to your mother, and everything's connected to everything [Applause]. Like, it's like the internet super highway. Okay? And, and it's all driven by energy that we call emotion. Just, it's, it's one of the reasons why women tend to remember everything, because if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion, it burns in your memory and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men, it just doesn't happen very often because, quite frankly, we don't care. All [Applause] right. Women tend to care about. And she just loves it, okay?
Now, men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of. This particular box has nothing in it. True, true. In fact, we call it the nothing box. And of all the boxes a man has in his brain, the nothing box is our favorite box. If a man has a chance, he'll go to his nothing box every time. That's why a man can do something seemingly completely brain dead for hours on end, you know, like fishing. And, and we love it. That's, that's why a guy can sit in front of a TV and [Applause] go [Applause]. It glows. Of course, this drives our wives nuts because they'll come up and say, "Stop that! You can't possibly be watching anything." "I'm not." "Go away." Now, they've actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania, a couple years ago, did a study and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe. You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that and watched the brain activity. Then all [Music] of a sudden. "I think he's dead." Huh? You know, women can't do it. They can't do it. Their minds never stop. And, and they don't understand the nothing box. And it drives them crazy because nothing drives a woman more crazy or makes her feel more irritated than to witness a man doing [Applause] nothing.
Now, one of the biggest revelations I get out of women is this whole nothing box issue. They just, everything's starting to make sense. And I've had women say, "Oh, it's nothing." "Well, can I go in his nothing?" Now, one of the biggest revelations I get out of women is this whole nothing box issue. They just, everything's starting to make sense. And I've had women say, "Oh, it's nothing." "Can I go in his nothing box with him?" "No." "Why not?" "Because then it's something." Besides, you'll walk in there and go, "You know, you know, this place could really use some pictures, nice little table over here, some flowers." "Is no nothing! Get out! We don't want nothing!"
Now, this handles the way men, men and women handle stress, okay? When a man is stressed out, all he wants to do is run to his nothing box. This is how we unwind. The last thing we want to do when we're stressed out is talk about it. We don't want to talk about it. We just want to. Of course, that drives her nuts. You know, a woman will see a man in that vegetative state and she'll come up and go, "What are you thinking about?" "Nuh." "We got me think about something." "No, I think about nothing." Like, "Geez, he's on a roll till you showed up." "Go away." All right, 'cause that's how he handles stress. He just. Now, when a woman is stressed out, she has to talk about it. If she doesn't talk about it, her brain will literally explode. So she'll start just, "I don't know, might have something to do with this. I, you know, I never thought about this. My brother over here. Me. Never." And, and I know men who run from their wives when they do this. They do. I say, "Why do you run from her?" He says, "Because I don't know what to tell her." Said, "Dear God, man, who told you to tell her anything? She want you to tell her anything?" See, a lot of guys, they feel obligated when, when you start explaining all your stress, they feel obligated to fix you, right? 'Cause that's what a man does. A man only tells his troubles to another man in hopes that that man will help fix it, okay? But she's not a man. And you try and fix her, she's going to kill you. All right? She doesn't want your advice. She doesn't want your help. She wants you to shut up and listen. And a couple of L, that's right. You tell him, "Tell, shut [Applause] up." They like that.
Now, I had one guy tell me, said, "Man, she just tell me how she feels." I said, "She doesn't know yet." "This what he mean?" That's how she figures out how she feels by connecting this wire to that wire, this wire. So now, because they love each other, they offer to each other their answer, their solution. A man senses his wife is stressed out. He loves the girl. He offers to the girl his best and finest solution: "We're just quit talking about it. Just, just quit thinking about [Applause] it." And that's when she starts reaching for the knives and stuff. She's going to stab you if you keep it up, okay? Now, a woman, she senses her husband's all stressed out. She loves him. Therefore, she offers to him her best and finest solution: "Talk to me. Why won't you talk to me?" "Go away." "He doesn't want to talk to you. Leave him alone. He will not die. He's not a woman." All right? "I know you've got to talk it through or you're going to be twisted inside." "He's not like that. Leave the boy alone." You tell, he's stressed out. Just let him go to his nothing box. Just stay away.