Transcription
All right. All right. What's good, good people? Hope everybody's well. Uh, welcome back to the Onyx Report, Black Masculine News for the Day. I'm your host, Dr. T. Hassan Johnson. Make sure you like, share, subscribe, join, donate, hit the hype button, support the show so we can continue to bring you these independent blackmail thoughts. I'm a little all over the place today. A little tired, but it's all good. Getting things done.
Uh, later today, uh Sunday, today, August 2nd, I will be doing the first film for our August film review, uh on Patreon, at least for the month, first film for this month. And we're we're going to be doing Sai Lean's Something New. So check us out at 5:00 PM. PST on Patreon. The links for that are in the description box toward the bottom. As long as you are a film review member, you can come up live, check it out, dialogue as we go through uh the film and make sense of it from a black masculine standpoint.
All right. So, today I want us to talk a little bit about double standards, particularly in the black community, and I want us to look at how these double standards affect how we understand black men and black women. And of course, with particular focus on black men.
Before we deal with that, you know how we do as far as the sacred black masculine. This is something that we do organically as it crosses my desk and we talk about black men and boys who've made sacrifices or who have uh done things that are commendable even um if they're in the media, we tend to find that they generally are not acknowledged in the same kind of ways uh we believe they should be. So, you know, we shout them out here.
That being said, Sacred Black Mas masculine series, today's version is a little bit sad. Um, well, there's no little bit about it. It's definitely sad, but it is uh also a tale of sacrifice. So, this is Dean Anthony Hayes Burr, 15 years old, right? And you can find this uh in the Daily Mail. Um, you know, a teenager, uh, Dejon was shot just months after he survived being stabbed while saving a 12-year-old girl from a pedophile who was alle allegedly sexually harassing her. Right.
So, Deon, 15, was killed Saturday evening. Officers with the Louisville Metro Police Department found the teen's body on a residential street in the city around 8:20 p.m. According to Hayes Burr's family, he had been visiting friends that night. Police arrested a 14-year-old in connection with the crime and charged him with the murder. The suspect has not been publicly identified due to their age. It is unclear whether Hayes Burr and his alleged killer had any relationship or what circumstances led to the shooting.
Just three months ago, 15-year-old was being celebrated by his community for stepping in to help a 12-year-old girl who was allegedly being sexually harassed by a 45-year-old man, who's pictured at the bottom right on the screen. Um, that heroic act took place on April 18th during Thunder over Louisville, an annual kickoff event for the Kentucky Derby Festival. Pace Burr was um leaving the event shortly after the fireworks show had ended when he heard a cry for help. He rushed over to find Vasilus Seciler Secel Seceleritis. I know I butchered that. 45 allegedly sexually harassing a 12-year-old girl. It was a lot of grown men around. They weren't going to do nothing, so we had to do something. The teenager later told WH11. In the process of stopping him, Hayes Burr was allegedly stabbed in the chest by the apparent pedophile, but successfully stopped the sexual harassment from escalating. Teenager was rushed to the hospital that night and released the next day, recovering gracefully from his injury, only unfortunately to be deleted several months later. But shout out to this young man, Dean Anthony Hayes Burr, a hero. Um, and I would put it no other way and it's too sad that he has lost his life, but shout out to him. Yeah.
So, moving on from there, we're going to talk a little bit about the different kinds of double standards as it relates to um how black men are perceived.
>> That woman wanted after allegedly helping the teenager who shot her run from police. Now, police claim 31-year-old Charitria Thomas withheld information about the teen's whereabouts. They also say she and the 15-year-old were in a relationship. He was eventually caught in Mississippi and faces attempted murder, illegal weapon use, armed robbery, [music] and firearm possession charges. Thomas is wanted for accessory after the fact.
All right, so apparently uh you got it right there. So, as you can see, this is her and she is said to have absconded um with u an underage young man she was in a relationship with. This is a woman in Baton Rouge, right? She helped her 15-year-old aranged exboyfriend. She's 31 right now. Apparently, in some fashion, he shot her in the jaw um in December in December um and she helped him evade law enforcement right. But it's interesting to kind of see how this case is presented. They definitely foregrounded the fact that he had done so. And I don't really understand the nature of their relationship. Um, but apparently it says, according to an affidavit, police officers responded after she was shot December 18th. Witnesses reported that the pair had a verbal fight before the shot was fired. Her injuries required surgery due to the severity. The teen reportedly fled on foot after the shooting, and he allegedly took her purse, which contained $60.
During the investigation, according to police, Thomas was found withholding information about the teen's whereabouts. December 31st, she and the teen were stopped by Mississippi law enforcement after the Baton Rouge Police Department issued a bolo on the car. Teen was taken into custody on an outstanding warrant on charges of attempted murder, illegal use of a weapon, juvenile, and possession of a firearm um and armed robbery in addition to the charges he faced in Mississippi. Police stated that detectives determined that Thomas helped the teen evade apprehension by concealing his location, refusing to cooperate with investigators, and taking him across state lines while knowing he was wanted. Thomas is now wanted for accessory after the fact.
Now, why am I telling you about this particular piece? Well, what I find interesting about it is they talked about how they apparently had some kind of verbal argument. He shot her, then that she didn't cooperate with police and helped him get away. Now, when I saw this on Facebook, there were all kinds of statements being made left and right about the abuse and or I should say about the assault and whatnot. But what I found interesting about it is when I thought about this, if a young girl had shot her grapist, who was twice her age, 31, while she was um underage at 15, would they really be spending time on the fact that he was shot as in as some kind of victim victim? Or would they have framed the story as a young girl shoots her rapist and escapes or at least attempts to? Right. The narrative of the story would be pres would be reshaped in in all kinds of different ways. But it wouldn't be that he was the victim as the 30 world 31-year-old abuser. It would be that he was the aggressor and the young girl despite having difficulty with the law at some point shot her rapist. That's not how this story is framed. And these are the kind of double standards we're going to look at. Well, they're going to be all kinds, but you know, just to kind of frame it that way. You're going to have to actually reinterpret. And this is what I want black men to get in the habit of doing. Reinterpret how these things are reported because they're gyocentric in their frame. They're going to highlight women and place them in a victim position even when they're the they're the aggressor. And we have to get used to reading the story accurately to get information properly so that we can understand how these things are actually or how they should be understood. All right? Cuz too often we don't, right?
So, let's check out the next one. This one is a little bit long. This is about 5 minutes, so bear with me. I'm probably not going to say too much during it, but we'll see. But uh, let's check it out.
I got a homie that's a grown ass man that did not realize he was being groomed by another grown ass man. His boss has been talking to him about girls and [ __ ] Sent the homie pictures of the girls and stuff like the little activities, the freak mix and all that. Freak offs, whatever you want to call it. My homie is explaining this to me. My dude really cool. He just always want to be on phone, always want to talk. I just saw a video from a man talking about like older men trying to groom younger men. I think it I think it was happening to me too. Reason being like the guy would try to find any reason to come up to my [music] room. So he and then when he would come in there, he would sit on the couch and try to talk for hours. and I want to share a story about when I was groomed. And then his conversations just kept getting increasingly more uh sexual.
>> So these videos of men talking about other men trying to groom them or men that they know have been going around. Thank you to these men for sharing their stories. And I have noticed four common denominators. The first is hypersexualization. They are bonding over trading pictures of women, swapping [music] sex stories, especially raising the stakes with like super degrading stories, freakoffs, etc. And tying into that at number two, the dehumanization of women. When they are sharing these, you know, pictures and jokes and whatnot, it's without consent. They are getting news women have sent them or taking pictures without the women's knowledge and trading them around like they're playing cards. And
>> You know what I find interesting about this? When you think about how many female teachers have been found uh dealing with students who were, you know, half their double their age or or excuse me, half their age or even more, especially when they start dealing with uh students who are under sixth grade, for example. Notice how the word grooming is never used when they're talking about these teachers. When you look at the titles in the articles, they're always something like having sex with or had a relationship with, and she's 35 and he's, you know, 12. But they don't ever use the word grape and they don't ever use the word groom, which you can easily see, especially if you said it was a 35-year-old man and a 12-year-old girl, grooming would come up quite naturally. So, even though this particular case, you know, this particular uh video is dealing with men who are so-called grooming, I find it interesting how those kind of terms are seldom used in the reverse. And how often do we hear about teachers and students or women in other positions of authority and kids basically male kids at that? It's interesting. Anyway,
>> these grooming men are very anti- relationships with women. [music] The last guy said, "Oh, uh, you know, the man told him, "You're unprofessional for having a girlfriend." These older black men will tell the young ones, "Oh, you're a s, you're gay. For having a girlfriend, you're a weirdo." Number three, constant togetherness under the guise of male bonding. Like the all three of these men said, the guy always wanted to be on the phone and he always wanted them to either be with himself or he wanted the guy to be with the bros. But when they were together or when they were talking, the guy almost always wanted to talk about sex. And nine times out of 10, women were mixed up in that, saying something about women that's derogatory. And the fourth common denominator I noticed through all these grooming stories, the man who was doing the grooming was a manipulator and he was abusing his power. In all of these stories, the first two, the guy was the direct boss. And the third story, he was an older man who had power over the younger man in the industry. And when these men weren't getting their way, they didn't hesitate to pull rank. The last guy he said when he, you know, finally wouldn't come over was what the guy wanted physically. The man tried to call his mother and get him in trouble and say, "Oh, your son's not gonna have a job and this and that." And he was like, "That's what finally led me to report him because I knew he was dangerous." And it turns out he was a predator that had assaulted many children and given them HIV. But I saw manipulation even earlier in the stories because none of those men were straight up towards the women that they were around. They were lying. Like I said, they were taking pics and trading them without consent. They would talk about the manipulative things they did to get to women and then they were encouraging men to do those things, too. So, if somebody will do it to somebody else and laugh about it, they will 100% do it to you. And these men proved it. They weren't straight up towards women and then they weren't straight up towards each other. [music] You know, they were trying to trick and coersse these young men and get them into their apartments or get into their apartments by stealth, by lying about what was going to happen, by lying about their intentions. They never said, "Hey, I want some ass." They were like literally lying every step of the way to manipulate them into it. So, you have a group of men who we've acknowledged are groomers, [music] normalizing, hypersexualizing young men, dehumanizing women, and really crapping on the idea of being in relationships with them. Uh they encourage constant togetherness with other men that's based around smecks [music] and women only. And uh they engage in manipulation and abuse of power over all people, men and women. Doesn't that just sound like all older men, particularly the demographics? And more to the point, doesn't it sound exactly [music] like the manosphere and red pill? They give these men all this.
Okay. So, now I'm going to let it continue, but I just need to definitely address this because we've had a couple of leaps here, right? First, they're identifying uh individual men that several young men have pointed out and then she took it to the extent to which this is representative of all of of older men, right? Older men as a category. And then it leaped to the manosphere. So, it's just interesting to see the kind of mental gymnastics that kind of take place when it comes to applying some kind of Mandra standard to how men behave, right? Based off of um, you know, a couple of stories. But, it's interesting to see how quickly these things seem to occur and how quickly it leaps to a whole category of men, right? So, now all of a sudden, uh, the manosphere is comprised of, you know, Anyway, check it out. Let's let's finish it.
>> Contradictory [music] information. They are constantly trying to inject their minds with poison on how to degrade women, how to be able to use them. And then they turn around and tell them, "Well, no woman is worthy of your attention and a relationship except one who's a perfect virgin." Well, you've taught them to degrade and to [music] dehumanize women. You've taught them to use and abuse and harm women. They preach to these men constantly that they have needs and that their needs override everybody else's. And these needs are all centered around smecks [music] and power. You have the right to dominate all women humans and you have the right to take whatever you want from them physically. But these thought leaders boiling these men down to only physical needs and power is a way of degrading and dehumanizing them. So they don't even see the fact that they are being groomed. Whether it's some red pill guru on a podcast or whether it's an actual older man he knows in real life, they are priming these men to be dissatisfied in every relationship they have with a woman. They are destroying the [music] possibility that they are ever going to be able to have a healthy, respectful relationship. And who benefits from that? Who would want them in that position [music] where all they're thinking about is smecks? They hate women and only want to use them physically. They don't want to be around a woman for an extended period [music] of time. Instead, all they want to do is hang out with other men and talk about sex all the time. Who benefits from that? [music] Sounds like the groomers. Who benefits from making sure that younger men are susceptible to manipulation and the [music] abuse of power by those who are above them? Bless my soul. Sounds like the groomers. So, you're looking and you're wondering why a generation of men is completely incapable of a normal relationship. And this is why.
All right. So apparently according to this person um you have these abusers who are taking advantage of men and the main reason they're doing so is first and foremost that they objectify women right and because they so they seem to have some kind of hatred for women this must be a reflection of older men as a category and then also the manosphere and because they're attempting to abuse these young men and they have no respect for women that that's where this cycle really kind of hails from. Right? But when we actually talk about like the last woman in the last clip who's actually violating an underage boy, right, there is no accountability for women. There is no imagination about whether or not women are grooming younger boys or whether or not there's a misandry at play. See, in other words, it it it only works one way. It works one way. Whether men are abusing each other or abusing women. The idea is that because they're abusing women, therefore it's opening up to their abuse of everyone else. So, in other words, what I'm saying is that the double standard here seems to be that when it comes to black men or you know who who seem to engage in this kind of behavior, this becomes a reflection of all older men and of course the entirety of the manosphere. But when women act problematically, whether it's teachers or any other woman in a in a position of authority who takes advantage of men or particularly younger men or boys, is there any reflection on all women of a certain age or all feminists or all women in the academy or you know anything of that nature? Right. And the reason I identify feminists in the academy is because for the last 40 odd years they've been teaching in an official capacity that men particularly black men are, you know, misogynists and and you know they are part of the patriarchy that's oppressing women without providing any evidence of where black men have had this magical patriarchy. But none of those kinds of of statements are made when it comes to women's behavior, right? None of that really takes place in that way. So it just seems to be something that remains the purview of all men and particularly the men they currently don't like most and that's the ones in the manosphere. Right? So I find it interesting how those kind of double standards work.
But let's check out a different type of uh double standard as it relates to certain type of sacrifice that men often make. Check it out.
It's just not worth it dealing with someone else every single day of your life. Every day. Every day you got to deal with somebody. Is marriage even worth it? It's not. It's not. At some point, you're going to realize that it's always best to just be alone because I've been married for about seven years and I don't even know if this is worth it. Like and not saying that there's anything necessarily wrong. There's nothing wrong and that's the point. Like I don't even know why I'm upset. I'm just like not thinking that I made the right decision. Like and and I have a good man. I do. And that's not the point. The point is it's like you really do lose yourself. You lose your sense of individuality. You lose your sense of peace and this could be even to a good man like you're going to lose something and I don't think it's worth it like at all. I've always had a dream of like [snorts] getting out of my hometown like city [music] and moving on like moving forward like like life is supposed to be experience like we're supposed to be doing new things and traveling and and and all that and I do I I do I I do all of that but at some point like I don't know if I want to continue doing this every single day of my life like always checking in with someone, [snorts] always having to consider their feelings, always. It's always somebody else. You're never alone. Like, you never have a moment to yourself. You never can do that. And I don't know. Like, and there's going to be some [ __ ] out there say like, "Oh, I don't give you that." No. Be [ __ ] weird and not a real ass couple. But I just I really want girls to know like even if it's absolutely worth it, I don't think it is. Even if you found the most perfect man, it's not. It's not worth it. It's not like it's always going to be best to just like be alone. And maybe that's why so many men tell older women they're going to die alone and be so sad. I'm sad with a gray man. Like [snorts] I just maybe it's just like not my personality. And like I I know girls are out there and they're like dying for like a relationship like mine. Like he takes care of me, but like I'm sorry. Like all right, I I I've said this for the longest. I don't understand how people edit these shorts, you know?
Anyway, but that said, uh first of all, if you if you're dealing with something like this, let her go. Please. I I posted this on X and I and I said the same thing there. Let her go. Please spare yourself the uh the stress, the absolute stress. And you want to know what sends men to the manosphere, to the red pill? Well, it's often situations like this where you do, and this this is what I talked about, you know, a little bit about the other night when I talked about the sanctuary myth. You do everything that you're told you're supposed to do as a man, you know, uh even more even more that's out of your control. Like you grow to over 6 feet tall and you you make a good income and you treat her with respect and love and care and you foreground her feelings and her worldview and and you try and anticipate her needs and provide her emotional labor. But when it comes down to it, you have some women that just none of it matters. It's never good enough. And they'll leave you for all kinds of arbitrary reasons. And I've known some of them that will only do it because they really want you to fight through all of that and prove that they are worth it to you, that you'll deal with whatever stress comes with them. I've known women that will stage events just to get me to perform some idea in her head that reinforces her value, whereas I'm the type of person that I'm I'm damn near I'm just offended that you putting me through this [ __ ] But anyway, that said, the reason I posted this here as a double standard is how are men treated in society if you leave a relationship with a perfectly good woman woman. How are you treated? How are you perceived? How are you talked about? If a man got up here and talk about, you know, my woman was taking care of me, she was sacrificing for me. She was holding me down. She was doing this and that and I just want to be alone. How exactly are men treated in these kind of scenarios? Now, I'm not going to say in the comment section that the men are super forgiving. I, you know, from what I saw, there were men that critiqued her, but for the most part, there wasn't a societal response. If anything, what women tend to get is, you know, your freedom is paramount. You know, your feelings are paramount. And just like she's telling other women here is, you know, it's not worth it. You should be free. You should be on your own. You shouldn't be beholden to another person. See, all of that is framed as liberation when it comes to women. But when it comes to men, no, you are obligated to sacrifice for a woman. You know, it's actually interesting. The the more successful you are, there are some women that look at it like as long as you are a successful man that is not giving those resources, that time, and and that materiality to a woman somewhere, that you're like a pitbull without a leash. It's like somebody has to come get him. There's too many resources that he has that that isn't being applied to a woman somewhere. And it's real interesting to see, but when it comes to a woman, even if she might have taken this differently, she might have just said, "I need to get some therapy before I leave my marriage to actually get to the bottom of what might be wrong." Other than the fact that I just, you know, want some time to myself, might be something that can be resolved. But, you know, as far as that's concerned, that kind of double standard tends to get ignored.
But let's move forward and look at another form of double standard that applies to men and boys.
>> You know, if you ask a little girl, tell me some things that are great about being a girl, anything [music] she says is the right answer. If she says, I'm smart, you say, that's right. Girls are smart. And if you say, uh, I'm strong, that's right. Girls are strong, aren't they? You know, like if you ask a little boy, tell me what's good about being a boy, anything he says is a hate crime. If he says, "I'm strong." Girls are strong, too. What do you mean girls aren't strong? Why would you say that? That's not a boy trait. Like, girls are just as strong as Well, I'm smart. Are you saying girls aren't smart? Like, we don't. But when girls say this, if you say to a girl, "What's good about being a girl?" Anything she says, like, if a girl says, "I'm smart," you go, "Well, boys are smart, too." That's not what we say. Now, again, this is a natural reaction to the fact that for many, many years, women were absolutely held back in Western [music] culture. 100%. Like 100%. They still are, by the way. like we still have like
>> Now let me just say uh I forget this guy's name. He's an attorney. I've seen him all all over the place. He's a divorce attorney. Uh I like a lot of what he has to say, but in these kind of moments he reminds me a lot of Richard Reeves and Scott Galloway. And these are men that will, you know, they will critique women to a point and then quickly apologize, quickly withdraw, quickly, you know, um you know, and I think it's mainly because they're kind of trying to appeal to women in a certain way. Liberal women at that more so than anything. So what they they generally tend to do is you know highlight the plight of men and boys and hope that women will have pity and actually feel bad for how these men and boys are being treated especially boys and then you know so they'll they'll make a critique and then they'll tap dance and apologize and step backward. Now, I've seen him say some raw things and I give him credit for that, but I'm just saying just, you know, as a gesture overall from a certain demographic of men. I tend to notice this apologetic behavior and I don't think it's going to work. I never have thought it was going to work. Um, I used to spend years trying to dialogue with women uh about these kinds of issues and I just got to the point where I was like, you know what, it's just not going to work. Now, I'm seeing more people do it now and shout out to them if you can make it work. But that's I don't have the patience for it. I talk to men because there are things I want men to consider. I'm not expecting them to believe me or take my word, but I'm just saying here here's some things to think about and see how they apply to your situation. And I do that because men seem more willing to listen and consider these things. What I tended to find from women is it was an immediate knee-jerk reaction because what I was saying was critical of women. And that's not allowed. You can't be critical of women, you know, and that and that's kind of the position. But anyway, I'm going to let him finish. But I just noticed he's he's apologizing. I'm going to move it back a little bit, but you know, watch how this happens.
>> 100%. Like 100%. They still are, by the way. [clears throat] Like we still have like the American Taliban happening around here. Like you don't believe me? Go to some of the hidic communities right now like where women don't have driver's licenses and they're not allowed to, you know, like and and then tell me how progressive we're doing.
All right. Now, I will say I don't agree with them there. You can identify certain communities like the hetic community, but I think for the most part, you talking about the most liberated women on the planet, right? And in many instances make more money than men and so on and so forth. So, I don't buy this, but I think it's a useful statement to make when you say something that women might be offended by, but you want to pull it back and kind of give a sort of apology. So, hopefully they'll they'll move beyond what you said and just have some pity or empathy for, you know, the boys you're talking about. But his point is still correct as far as the double standards. We are at a time right now where if you talk about girls every and this has been the case really since the 1980s. You know if you talk about girls everything is celebratory and liberatory. If you talk about boys it immediately becomes a a comp a competitive you know comparison kind of framework and immediately you always have to shift the view back to girls unless it's something negative. If you're being critical of boys, then that is something boys can hold and men for that matter. But if you're critical of girls or I'm I'm sorry, if you're celebratory of boys or men, it immediately becomes a a comp a competition and you have to in some way concede ground to women and girls. So that you are not received as a misogynist and that somehow suggests that you're a good person because you've prioritized women and girls feelings and you've highlighted their humanity at the expense of men and boys. And that is the method for articulating gender issues that's received particularly on the left as some kind of marker of civility and and and learned learnedness, right? You have to you have to perform these kind of gestures, you have to kiss the ring. And for men that refuse to do that and just point out what the issue is, lay the data or the argument out there and leave it at that, that's considered a negative thing. I mean, what did what did uh one gentleman tell me? He said he he was telling a feminist about my work and he said I forget what argument I had made that he was sharing with her but she called it violence right so it's violence when there's a critique of women and girls when there's a compliment to men and boys immediately has to be followed up with some kind of acknowledgment of women's uh history women's past or something like that but when it comes to men and boys there's no such thing.
Now next up I don't know if YouTube is going to necessarily allow for this. Uh so we'll see if they hit me with anything, but there's a couple of instances of uh abuse that I want to point out and the kind of double standards that tend to come with them. Let's check it out.
>> Huh? You going to take something from me?
>> [ __ ] out of here. [ __ ] out of here. Shut up. Shut up. Wasn't you just getting beat?
>> Yes, you was. [ __ ] THAT'S WHY YOU RAN ON THE [ __ ] TRAIN. SHUT UP,
>> ASH.
>> That's the [ __ ] right there. She's trying to get away from him. Simple. Y stupid or dumb or [ __ ] [ __ ] out of here, [ __ ] Y'all worried about her and I'm about to boom the [ __ ] out of this [ __ ] What the [ __ ] is going on? This [ __ ] is crying over weak minded [ __ ] You told someone to [ __ ] with that [ __ ] You thought that he was something. You thought he was a red fox. He's a bump box. My bad [ __ ] Back to you. You felt it's comfortable to play with me.
>> Did you feel like it was comfortable to play with me? Did you feel like it was comfortable to play with me?
>> NOW, IF I REALLY HOW DO YOU KNOW ME? IF I TOLD you three [ __ ] times, you don't [ __ ] know me.
>> I LOOK LIKE THAT WEAK-MINDED [ __ ] DO I LOOK LIKE HER? I don't give a [ __ ] if you came home from jail. [ __ ] we on the same type of time. What are we doing now? I'm in your face. You feel some type of rape? Let's go. You try to take me. What happened, [ __ ] So why would YOU FOLLOWING ME IF I TOLD YOU I'M NOT She make it make sense. DO I LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON? I'M [ __ ] 31 years old, [ __ ] I'M NOT A child and I don't like that [ __ ] about y'all [ __ ] BRO. I'MMA BACKHAND THE [ __ ] OUT of here. I do not like that [ __ ] You thought I was a [ __ ] child with a wig on. I'm [ __ ] born in 1994. Are you dumb? Are you stupid? Are you [ __ ] [ __ ] WHY DID YOU FOLLOW ME? I told you I'm not no [ __ ] sugar. Shut up. Shut up. And come off the block of them. Come on, bro. Well, stop this [ __ ] now, bro. So, I could really violate this [ __ ]
>> [ __ ] You dump into your head now. Now your head scratching. The same energy you was giving. Let's get that. I don't give a [ __ ] about you getting mad. None of that. Please, let's get mad. Please, let's get mad. Please, let's get mad. Let's get mad. Let's get mad. Why y'all [ __ ] think that everybody's with that? I'm ready. Let's go. What are we doing? What are we doing?
>> [ __ ] bump [ __ ] ass [ __ ] I'm so sick and tired of y'all little weird ass [ __ ] I just came home. So, what that supposed to mean to me? That you was going to take something from me? What that supposed to mean? You was going to take something from me? Huh? Huh? You was going to take something from me? What you mean? You just came home. What do you mean you just came home? What do you mean you just came home? I TOLD YOU I'M NOT TRIPPING. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST CAME HOME? What do you mean you just came home? What does that mean? You just came home. What does that mean? That means a [ __ ] IN DISTRESS THAT DIDN'T BUSTING UP CUZ WHEN YOU WAS IN JAIL, YOU WAS A [ __ ]
>> I wasn't in the jail.
>> [ __ ] out of here. [ __ ] out of here. Shut up. Shut up. Wasn't you just getting beat?
>> Yes, you was, [ __ ] THAT'S WHY YOU RAN on the [ __ ] train. Shut up.
>> I'm not truth. Shut up. You want to defend him? Suck your dick right now. He just came home.
>> You cool?
>> You cool? You want to mind my business?
>> All right, so what happened?
>> You just said that.
>> All right, so then do not ever follow no other female a day in your [ __ ] life, bro. I will beat [ __ ] up, bro. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
>> What happened?
>> What happened? Of course she mind your business. That's my point. Mind her business.
>> What happened? She's not minding her business. Tell her to mind her. If you don't know, shut the [ __ ] up. Okay. You good? You good? Look it. You got blood on your shirt. That mean somebody punched you. Somebody violated that you did. Pay attent to that. pay this to me cuz [ __ ] not going to play with me and I swear to my dad grandmother [ __ ] I'm not you big ass [ __ ] bro stop playing with me [ __ ] going to [ __ ] sit here and follow me you stupid are you dumb I don't need a [ __ ] I don't need a [ __ ] [ __ ] bro I don't need a [ __ ] I went by you several times for knocking a [ __ ] out the [ __ ] is you talking about I don't need no [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] my pop told ME HOW TO FIGHT WHAT happened [ __ ] I told you don't EVER IN YOUR LIFE FOLLOW NO OTHER FEMALE EVER IN YOUR damn life. When you come down here, [ __ ] we can walk to the cops. What happened? This is a woodlock. The next stop is 161st Street Yankee.
>> Yeah. So, this is apparently something that gets that that can happen in public, right? We don't know the entire backstory or at least I don't. If anybody has any information, feel free to share it in the comment section. Right. She accused him of following her. He says he didn't. He said something about or she accused him of saying something about having just got out. He says he didn't just get out of jail. Other than that, I don't really know what the circumstances are. But what I do know is there's really no instance where in a public setting like this, a woman is just going to get beat up by a dude and men aren't going to come from everywhere to help. Which if anything, what you noticed in this is men walked away, right? There seemed to be one woman that was willing to say something to her verbally and of course the gentleman in the orange who got hit said something, but for the most part, nobody put hands on her. Nobody responded to her. The men avoided her altogether. Right. This is where we are right now. But if acting out of pocket in this manner got her physically assaulted by one or more than one man, what would the response be? What would the response be? Would everybody just sit back and let it happen? Or would men come from out of the rafters to stomp him? Right? We've seen these kind of things before. I've seen dramatizations of it that are done in public, performed in public for a particular response. And then I've for content, but then I've also seen real occasions. And for the most part, men will will give space, right? This is the kind of double standard when it comes to violence in public or in private. The perception is as long as he's not the one initiating it, it's acceptable. She can get in his face. And part of the reason I think women like this can function this way is they are comfortable knowing that most men are not going to respond physically. Now, part of it may be how people are raised. Part of it may be, you know, a kind a kind of social sense of what proper behavior is. But I think a lot of it too is based on policy. Do they understand that you will likely go to jail? You know, and women have gotten so comfortable knowing this that some women push the boundaries of that and press back knowing that there's not going to be a response. You got too many guys. It's and especially if you've had some time before, you've done some time before. You're not trying to go to jail arbitrarily because some woman is tripping in a in a in a subway. But this is the kind of thing that takes place. And I've seen this since I was in grade school. Women have gotten real comfortable [snorts] with the idea that men are not going to do anything. And it kind of if anything emboldens this kind of behavior where she's swinging on a perfect stranger knowing confidently that he's not going to do anything to her for the most part. Now there are certain men that will. And what I always find interesting is those are not the ones that that get physically assaulted. That's the thing I find interesting. I think women are quite women like this who have no problem hitting men. I think they have a sense of which men will not take that well. and they seem to kind of avoid him.
But let's look at another situation, right?
>> It is one drop. Get my [ __ ]
>> Nope.
>> It's one drop in there. GET
>> NO, YOU'RE NOT DRINKING.
>> GET MY [ __ ]
>> Can you stop for real? Stop.
>> I ain't drinking too much.
>> Too much straight.
>> That's good.
>> Too much cray.
>> Hey, I'm going to roll a blunt. Just chill. Just chill. You need to hit that little You need to hit one of these any damn way.
>> I can't do the ones that got the gro and I can't do the ones that got the [ __ ] that got the black stuff on me. I can't I can't smoke tobacco, my child.
>> Yeah, but you looking for some liquor.
>> This a glass of water.
>> That's not no [ __ ] wine.
>> That's one shot of Dulio.
>> He [ __ ]
>> THAT'S ONE SHOT OF D JULIO AT THE FULIO [ __ ]
>> WELL, you not going to do it today.
>> That's why you did me, [ __ ]
>> Move. You're not going to
>> move back.
>> Babe, watch out.
>> Don't touch me. Roll up and shut up.
>> I am. You're not drinking.
>> Roll up and shut up. And then after we do all this, we got to get all of this stuff
>> into the [ __ ] um storage unit.
>> You're not saying no storage unit.
>> We send this [ __ ] in the storage unit.
>> Oh, babe. Why are you doing all this crazy?
>> Yes, we are. The [ __ ] is you talking about?
>> We putting everything in storage unit.
>> For what, man?
>> Because I want to [ __ ] [music] Cuz Big Mama's ready. Big Mama's ready to go. I tell you this ain't selling it no more.
>> Big mama's ready to go.
>> No, no, no. I'm not talking about the stuff that we sold or stuff that we sell. I'm talking about the stuff that I'm talking about stuff that I want. Like this big ass board, stuff like that. I didn't sell this board.
>> I DIDN'T SELL THAT [ __ ] THAT'S MY [ __ ] OH. So I can't keep [ __ ] SO I CAN'T HAVE [ __ ] SO I CAN'T HAVE [ __ ] SO I CAN'T HAVE [ __ ] ALL RIGHT.
>> THAT'S ON YOU.
>> All right,
>> babe. What do you mean?
>> All right. All right, [ __ ] Hey, go ahead, bro.
>> All right, [ __ ] So, I can't have [ __ ] Hit your ASS WITH A BOTTLE OF MEDICINE, [ __ ] [ __ ] WRONG WITH YOU? I CAN'T HAVE [ __ ]
>> I can't have [ __ ]
>> [ __ ] IS YOU TALKING ABOUT? [ __ ] IS YOU TALKING ABOUT? my [ __ ] [ __ ]
>> I didn't mean to start working my weed.
>> Yeah, cuz you know if you stop doing [ __ ] just stop, man. Sit the [ __ ] down. I told you I'm stressed out.
>> Yeah, but why you throwing [ __ ] water?
>> I told you I'm stressed out, man. I told you, man. Man, dumb [ __ ]
>> man. I'm stressed out. I'm stressed out. I don't care. Calm down, man. Hear me. It's okay. Your hair smell good as hell.
>> Thank you. [snorts]
>> Yeah. Did that make you happy? God damn. Bookab crazy ass.
>> Bite her ass. B. You see she tripping.
>> You got to calm down, baby. I know you straight. You wake up every morning the same way.
>> Don't nobody even do nothing to you. Like,
>> how do you how do you feel about my hair
>> right now?
>> [laughter]
>> [ __ ] >> [ __ ] You laughing? [ __ ] >> [ __ ] What's funny? [ __ ] [ __ ] >> What's funny? >> I'm just laughing. You talking about what I think? What the [ __ ] you think? >> What do you think of it, man? >> I think I'm beautiful. >> Of course you're beautiful, but >> you know, [music] >> I think I'm beautiful. I THINK I'M GORGEOUS. >> I THINK I'M HOT STUFF. You is. >> I think I NUMBER ONE ON THE CHOPS. [music] >> Can you stop [ __ ] playing with it? That's the problem. >> I'm not. Oh, you think somebody playing? >> No, babe. >> That's your problem. >> Can you please leave? >> THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. >> Somebody playing. >> Can I finish this before you get to church? Just leave me alone. >> Okay. >> Sit down, baby. Talk to them. >> Talk to who? >> Whoever you talking to. Cuz it ain't me, [ __ ] >> [ __ ] stop. [ __ ] >> Baby, sit down. >> So, you trying to get me to the wolves? Move, [ __ ] You trying to get me to the wolves? >> Why you taking these little steps at me, bro? Move. >> You trying to get me to the wolves, >> babe? Sit down, bro. Stop. Sit the [ __ ] [music] down. Stop being so mean. [laughter]
There's a lot that you've just witnessed in that clip. A lot. Right. Definitely manic behavior all over the place. Right. Now, let me first and foremost say, as, as actually somebody posted on Facebook about this, it, it's an interesting reminder of how many millions of instances in the last 50 years have taken place [music] where, you know, a man has not reported this as abuse. So when you start hearing about statistics around intimate partner violence or what they used to call domestic violence, keep in mind, there were so many cases like this, and feminists were the ones that would say, "Well, there's a lot of women that have never filed." Understand, men were never socialized to file this as abuse. Men were never even socialized to to think of this as abuse. And I've said this before, you know what I was told this was when I was a younger man by older men? I was told this is just how women are, and your, your job is just to endure it in silence. You're supposed to just take it. There was no, there was no reporting this. And understand, there weren't any movies, TV shows, or talk shows that encouraged men to identify what abuse was and what to do about it, who to call about it. So you want to, you want to, you want to have these conversations about intimate partner violence and act like it's only women that are experiencing these things and men are the only, are the aggressors, and that's the only dynamic of note. But you can watch this situation. Now, some of you guys can tell me it's a skit. I tell you, I tell you all the time, I really don't care if something is a skit. If it resonates with the public, if it resonates in social media, it's because this is the kind of [ __ ] that happens every day. But if I leave it up to y'alls, there, there's a lot of Oscar award-winning actors going on in social media. I swear. But anyway, all of that aside, right? There are a lot of these kind of cases that for decades, for generations, men never even interpreted as abuse and still endured it in silence. So we have these discussions about how often and how frequent intimate partner violence is, and we have no discussion about how often it actually takes place where women are the aggressors and men experience it and don't say anything.
Now, the second thing I want to point out about this video is how much he provides her emotional labor. Now, clearly she's got some serious issues, right? But how much emotional labor does he, you know, provide for her in the midst of all of this? Complimenting her hair, giving her hugs and kisses, trying to make her laugh. When I talk to you about how men, and this is what I call men's relationship emotional labor, and I'm talking specifically to black men, right? Look at this. Giving her a hug after she done hit him several times. I don't, I don't support this. I'm the first to tell men, you know, the same thing they told women back in the day. If he put his hands on you once, if she put her hands on you once, she'll do it again. You should leave. The first opportunity you can, you know. But I know men have a concern that women often don't. And that is, if I respond even in self-defense, am I going to go to jail? Or can she make an accusation about me even without evidence where I'm going to immediately be perceived as guilty? You see, women don't have to worry about that. Men are not calling the police and accusing women of things they haven't done with no evidence and being believed to the point where these women are going to jail. That's not, that's not happening in significant numbers when it comes to false accusations. There's no way men do not have it over women in that regard because the public doesn't, don't believe that men are capable of being on the receiving end of this kind of behavior in any significant way. And it's not until you saw the, until we get to the era of smartphones where things like this are recorded that the public starts to think otherwise. But you know what they do? Instead of acknowledging these videos and talking about them, what they do is they ignore them. So you can see these videos in public media, but it doesn't get regarded in any public sense. Even though prior to this era, a man would try to say that this might, this happened, especially if he was in court, and he's often not believed. Now, there's video evidence that's slowly changing the public's perception, but for the most part, the first response to this kind, these kind of videos is to ignore it. So, men do experience this, right, on, on a regular basis. And look how, I don't want to say comfortable in the sense that he enjoys it, but look how, how much, how well he deals with it. And which tells you that he's, he's dealt with it before. I'll put it to you that way. He's dealt with it before. This is not new behavior for him. Now, I personally don't understand why he won't leave. Might be, you know, I've seen men like this who are in a situation where they have nowhere else to go. That might be part of it, but at the end of the day, look how much emotional labor he's applying right now. She just hit him 10 seconds ago. He's kissing her. He's hugging her. You know what I'm saying? And I've seen men do this. This is not, unfortunately, as infrequent as I'd like to say it is. And he ends, the video ends with him smiling and hugging her. But these are the kind of double standards we're talking about because you don't see, you know, this kind of thing happening in the reverse and having it being received, have it be received in the public. Well, it's not, that's not what's happening here. But for men, it happens all the time. For black men, most particularly, and there's no discussion about it.
So, I'm curious to know if you guys have any responses to any of this. Uh, I'd like to hear what they are. I'd like to know, you know, what your thoughts are, what you'd recommend, or especially uh to other men who are going through this and they've experienced something, um, like this, right, directly, uh, from, you know, from firsthand experience. I'd like to share for you to share your stories if you would so we can, uh, actually have some dialogue about what options are available to men and how they should begin to look at these things differently. All right, holl at y'all later. Peace.