Transcription
March 30th, 1901, volume 4.
Jesus speaks about the divine will and about perseverance. As my state of privation continued, I felt as though a tedium and a tiredness of my poor situation and my poor nature wanted to free itself of this state. Having compassion for me, my adorable Jesus came and told me, "My daughter, as you withdraw from my volition, you begin to live of yourself, while if you remain fixed in my will, you will always live of me, dying completely to yourself." Then he added, "My daughter, have patience, resign yourself to my will, and everything, and not for a short time, but always, always, because only in perseverance and good is that which reveals whether a soul is truly virtuous. If alone is what unites all virtues together, it can be said that perseverance alone unites perpetually God and the soul, virtues and graces, and places itself around them like a chain, binding everything together. It forms the most safe knot of salvation, but where there is no perseverance, there is a lot to fear." Having said this, he disappeared.
March 30th, 1902, vol 4.
The garment of light of the risen Humanity of Jesus. This morning, finding myself outside of myself for a little while, I saw my adorable Jesus in the act of his resurrection, how clothed with refuge, so light, so much so that the sun remained obscured before that light. I was enchanted and I said, "Lord, if I am not worthy to touch your glorified humanity, let me at least touch your garments." And he told me, "My beloved, what are you saying? After I rose again, I had no more need for material garments. Rather, my garments are of son, of most pure light, which covers my humanity and which will shine eternally, giving unspeakable joy to all the senses of the Blessed. This has been conceded to my humanity because there was no part of it which was not covered with a probiem, with pains, with wounds." Having said this, he disappeared, and I could find neither his humanity nor his garments. Or rather, as I would take his sacred garments between my hands, they would escape me, and I would not be able to find them.
March 30th, 1931, vol 29.
Humiliations, bares of glory, tenderness 'as of the Heart of Jesus. A hard heart is capable of all evils. Invitation to take the crumbs of the divine goods. I am again in the nightmare of my usual sufferings. After a month of hiatus, I am back at the beginning. I felt as though emptied of all pains. My sweet Jesus no longer made me become stiffened, nor did he render me immobile and without motion. It felt as if my life was ending in remaining without motion and stiffened, yet I lived, but from a life that was choked, without the slightest control over myself, waiting with the patience that only Jesus could give me, for he who was to call me to obedience, to give me motion, and let me come out of the abyss in which I was. So seeing my cell-free, as much as I love to share the pains together with Jesus, yet I felt my nature triumphant, more so since I no longer had need of anyone. So in finding myself bound again, hampered inside the previous abyss, my poor nature feels such reluctance that if my beloved Jesus does not help me, does not fortify me, does not attract me with special Grace's, I do not know what I would do so as not to fall into that state of sufferings. Oh, my Jesus, help me, you who have sustained me for so many years in a state so pitiful. Oh, please, if you want me to continue, continue to sustain me yourself and use your mercy toward this poor sinner, that I may not oppose your most holy will.
Then, while I was amid reluctances and fear of being surprised by my usual sufferings, my adorable Jesus, my making himself seen and great suffering, told me, "My daughter, what is the matter? You no longer want to suffer together with me? How can this be? You want to leave me alone? You want to take away from me the rights that you have given me many times, that I might do with you whatever I want? Good daughter, do not give me this sorrow. Abandon yourself in my arms and let me do what I want."
And I, "My love, forgive me. You know the struggles I find myself in and what profound humiliations I have been cast into. If things were as before, when did I ever refuse you anything? Therefore, mind and think, oh Jesus, of what you are doing to me and into what amazed you cast me if you let me fall into my usual sufferings. And if I say to you Fiat, the effort I make is so great that I feel myself dying. Jesus, so Jesus, help me."
And Jesus, "My good daughter, do not fear. Humiliation is bearer of glory. However, the contempt of creatures arises the divine appreciation, and their abandonment is the call of the faithful company of your Jesus. And therefore, let me do. If you knew how divine justice is armed, you would not be opposed. On the contrary, you would pray me to make you suffer so as to spare in part your brother's. More regions will be devastated, and misery is at the doors of cities and of Nations. My heart feels such tenderness and seeing to what a state of desolation and of confusion the earth will be reduced, and this tenderness of mine, so sensitive toward creatures, is offended by the hardness of the human heart. Oh, how intolerable to me is the hardness of the human heart, much more so before mine, which is all loving tenderness and goodness toward them. A hard heart is capable of all evils and reaches such extent as to make a mockery of the pains of others, and it changes the tenderness 'as of my heart toward it into Sorrows and deep wounds. The most beautiful prerogative of my heart is tenderness. How the fibers, the affections, the desires, the love, the heartbeats of my heart have tenderness as their origin. So my fibers are tender, my affections and desires are most tender, my love and heartbeats are so tender as to reach the point of melting my heart out of tenderness. And this tender love makes me arrive at loving the creature so much that I am content with suffering myself rather than seeing them suffer. A love when it is not tender is like a food without condiment, like a beauty that is aged, incapable of interacting anyone to make itself loved. It is like a flower without fragrance, like a dry fruit without humour and sweetness. A love that is hard without tenderness is unacceptable and would have no virtue of making itself loved by anyone. And therefore, my heart suffers so much and seeing the hardness of creatures that they reach the point of changing my Grace's into scourge's."
After this, I found myself prey to a supreme force that it was not given to me to be able to resist in my painful State, and even though I felt great reluctance, I tried to abandon myself in the Divine Will, my only refuge. And Jesus, to give me strength, made himself seen for a little while and told me, "My daughter, in creating man, heart, divinity issued from ourselves, sanctity, love, goodness, beauty, and so forth, that were to serve man to make himself wholly good, beautiful, and to give us love for love. Now, our goods have not been taken completely by him, and so they are waiting for one who would take them. Therefore, come into our goods, come to take the crumbs of sanctity, of love, of goodness, the crumbs of beauty. Have strength. I say crumbs in comparison with those that you will leave out, because our goods are immense, and what the creature can take can be called crumbs compared to what she leaves out. But for her, they fill her so much as to overflow outside. Only when our love sees the creature loved in our Goods, filled to the brim, then is it content. Now, these crumbs form many different foods, one more beautiful than the other, that she takes from our celestial table and she nourishes herself abundantly from these divine foods. And since one gives of that food that one takes, so in giving us her acts of one who has nourished herself of these divine crumbs that give of sanctity, of beauty, of strength, of love, and has filled herself with such beauty, we immediately recognize that it is food of our crumbs that she gives us in her acts. And oh, how content we remain that the creature gives us her acts that give of divine. We feel our fragrances, we touch our sanctity and goodness, and feel required for the crumbs we gave to her."
March 30th of 1938, vol 35.
When sacrifices are made in goodwill, dear Jesus places in them his divine flavors, rendering them pleasant and lovable. How God created in them the passion for love. I feel myself in the arms of the divine Fiat. It's love is so great that it feeds me with its light and warms me with its heat, and if I am tired, it rocks me on its knees to give me rest, making me rise to new life. Divine, well, how adorable you are. Only you can truly love me. In you, I find the refuge from all my evils. I was feeling oppressed by seeing that those who surround me suffer and make big sacrifices because of me. How painful it is to see others sacrificed. And my sweet Jesus, squeezing me in his arms in an act of compassion for me, how tenderness told me, "My poor daughter, courage. I do not want you to think about this. You must know that I can repay and I know how to repay even the small sacrifices and attentions, and certainly the big ones. I count everything and I do not leave even a breath done for me without reward, even more if these sacrifices are done for one who loves me, for one who wants to live in my will. I feel as if they were done for myself. So in order for these sacrifices to be done in my will, I place in them might define flavour, so that they may feel the taste and the pleasure in making these sacrifices and the need for making them. Taste and pleasure in sacrifice, they are like the salt and the spices for the food, like the grease for the wheels that could barely move, but once the grease has been applied, they can run. The divine taste empties the sacrifice, making it light and pleasant. This is the reason why in our love we created a holy passion, a taste and a pleasure that makes it impossible for us not to love the creature. It was this passion of love that made us feel the extreme need to prove our love for the creatures with our works. In fact, nobody begged us to create a heaven, a Sun, and many other things. After we created them, we looked at them and found so much taste and pleasure that in our emphasis of love, we exclaimed, "How beautiful our works are!" But we will receive more glory and more delight from them when our works will give themselves to the creatures to love them and to make them love us. Then, to our passion of love and to the extreme need to love, more folly and delirium of love was added, to the extent that we could not remain satisfied only by our works. Love reached such an excess that we felt the need to give life as well. What did this necessity to love that I felt within me not make me do? It made me suffer unheard-of pains, feel the most humiliating humiliations, and even death among atrocious spasms. But our passion of love is not satisfied if we do not let the creature participate in it. Therefore, in the sacrifices that we have for me, we create the holy passion, providing it with flavor and pleasure to have her make the most beautiful conquests. This passion becomes ingenious, finding a thousand new forms, and it seems it cannot remain or live without being operative. If there is not a passion and taste for sacrifice, even in holy works, it seems that these works are just painted, not alive. They have a coldness and an apathy that produce more disgust than savour, and maybe more evil than good. Therefore, my daughter, do not be concerned for the sacrifices that others make for you. Actually, I must tell you that they do it for me, not for you, and I will infuse so much grace, taste, and pleasure so as to empty the sacrifice. Then, according to the love with which they will do it, I will pour myself into them, and as they make that sacrifice wanted by me, I will make my life grow within them. Isn't it perhaps my passion of love that makes me speak so much about my will in order to create in man the passion to live in my volition? By saying so much, I want to drown the human will with our divine flavors to the point of making it to live in my will by virtue of the taste and happiness it feels. And then, can't you yourself tell how many flavors, contentment, and joys I placed in the sacrificing state in which I put you in? So let it be done by your Jesus, who knows how to adjust the sacrifice and to make it lovable, easy, and even desirable. More so since I add the strength, the support, and the life of my own sacrifice to the sacrifice of the creature. I can say that my sacrifice takes the sacrifice of the creature on its lap, becoming guide, life, and light for whoever wants to sacrifice himself for me."
End of March 30th. Fiat.