Transcription
Hi, how are you feeling? How is it to live in your body? You feel tired and worry a lot, don't deny it. I know you do. But why do you think you are put on this planet to suffer 90% of the time and only have a few good moments here and there? That doesn't seem right, does it?
The truth is that you can be at peace almost 100% of the time, have high energy, and live a relaxed life. The question is, why don't you? There are two daily habits that can ruin your life. They are clinging and resisting. If those words sound abstract, think of them as liking and disliking. They seem harmless at first, but they are at the source of all of your sufferings. Let me explain how.
Here is what clinging looks like. Imagine a butterfly landing on your arm. It's beautiful, and you enjoy the way it feels. It's amazing to watch this delicate creature so close. But then it flies away. The butterfly is gone, but you cling to that feeling it left behind. Now you want more butterflies. This is clinging.
Now let's look at resisting. Imagine you see a big, hairy spider under your table. It terrifies you. Maybe you freeze up or run away. And from that moment on, you avoid anything that even slightly resembles a spider. The image of that spider, that sense of fear, stays stuck in your mind. Now anytime you encounter anything that looks like a spider, you will avoid it. This is resisting.
Look, butterflies and spiders are just theoretical examples, but you have hundreds of similar experiences that run your life. For example, a certain kind of car, a certain type of house, or a particular girlfriend or boyfriend are your butterflies. They made you feel good once, and now you chase them everywhere. You also have spiders that you work hard to avoid. For instance, maybe a certain type of teacher embarrassed you in class, and now you dislike anyone who just looks like that teacher. Or you had a bad argument with a close friend that ended badly. Now you resist any form of confrontation, even when something bothers you, you stay silent. Just like these examples, you have hundreds of butterflies and spiders, and they run your life.
This sounds absurd, but here's what you did unconsciously. You said to yourself, "I like butterflies, but I don't like spiders. So here is how the world in front of me needs to be so that I feel good." You decided how everyone and everything around you should be, from the weather to your son's grades, to how your wife should dress, to what kind of car you should drive. Now, when life shows up in ways you dislike, you think the solution is to prevent it from coming that way again. And when something nice comes along, you think the solution is to make it come again. You are saying that for me to feel good, life needs to come this way, but not that way. So you collected a bunch of garbage from your past and built a system. Don't get offended. Most of it is really garbage because a big portion of your system is built out of resentments and bad memories, and it is this system that runs your life.
You're not seeing life clearly as it happens. You're looking at it through foggy lenses. Imagine you're watching the news on TV, and when the news is finished, you turn it off, but a frozen picture stays on the screen. The next time you come back to watch a movie, you still see the picture from the news covering half of your screen. You hear the dialogue and see parts of the action, but everything is distorted by that lingering image from the news. That's what happens when you resist and cling. Every experience has energy. Anytime you cling or resist, they get stuck, and the system gets bigger and harder to manage. You stop experiencing life as it is and start demanding how life should be.
I hope this rings the alarm bells for you because life has nothing to do with you. You have no control over it. To put this into perspective, take a look at this small dot in the image. This is Earth, photographed by the Voyager One telescope. Earth is a tiny rock spinning in an endless void. When you see this vastness, does it make sense to demand that the universe align with your preferences? You're here to experience life and let go, not to cling to one thing and push away another. This is why life feels like a struggle.
Imagine standing in the wind with two boards in your hands. You push one against the wind and grip the other tightly so it doesn't blow away. This is this is what clinging and resisting look like, and it's exhausting. Clinging and resisting are at the root of all your suffering. If you analyze your worries, you'll notice two things: you either worry that you will not get what you want (butterflies), or you worry that you'll get what you don't want (spiders).
If clinging and resisting cause suffering, then what's the solution? Surrender. Surrender isn't giving up, being passive, or letting others step over you. It's about experiencing each moment fully, then letting it go, good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant. Imagine standing in that wind again, but this time you're not holding on to anything. You let the wind flow around and through you. You realize how easy it is to be in the wind. It's the same in life. When you let go of clinging and resisting, you free up the energy spent on managing your mental system. Suddenly, life no longer feels like a struggle. You're not exhausted from hard work; you're exhausted from maintaining this system.
Now, you're probably wondering, "How do I surrender? How do I find more peace and energy in my daily life?" Here are eight practical tips. By the way, I don't want these tips to sound like I am some spiritually awakened person giving you advice. I'm probably struggling as much, if not more, than you are. I discovered these tips to help myself, and I hope they help you too.
Number One: Release past resentments and anger. Some of you watching will say, "What are you talking about? I can't just surrender and let go. You don't know what my childhood was like. My dad used to beat my mom every day, so I feel justified in expressing my anger." Look, I'm truly sorry if you had to go through that, but let's look at it honestly. Holding on to anger, no matter how justified, is like carrying garbage with you. Every time you express it, you are polluting your own environment. If you want to let it out so badly, okay, go ahead, do it, and see what happens. It will create a chain reaction that will end up hurting you and the people you love the most. By the way, suppressing those emotions doesn't work either. It's like putting a lid on a boiling pot; it's going to explode. And fighting it, that's like playing tug of war against the 10 strongest men on Earth. I don't care what technique you use; you're not going to win. Instead, the moment those emotions rise, say to yourself, "Okay, here's my old friend coming up again." Stay present and relax your neck, shoulders, chest, and legs. Let it come up without reacting, shoving it down, or taking it out on others. When you allow them to flow without attaching to them, they'll start to release naturally. Believe me, your body wants to release them. Your body wants to clean itself. It consumes so much energy to carry them around; you just need to allow it. Which emotion should you let go of first? Whichever comes up first. The second it surfaces, relax and let it go. It won't be comfortable. I know it was stored with pain; it will be released with pain. If it comes up 100 times a day, let it go 100 times. Welcome the discomfort rather than pushing it away. Breathe deeply and relax into it. Allow it to pass through. Still not convinced? Let me ask you this: if something was 100% cost to you and 0% benefit, would you still keep it? That's what holding on to past resentments does. It's 100% cost, 0% benefit.
Number Two: Don't let new frustrations get in. It takes 1 second to get in, but 20 years to get out. Relax and let go as soon as they rise. Let it pass through without touching. For example, you've got a last-minute change in plans, and frustration is bubbling up. Recognize it as soon as it hits you. It's okay to feel frustrated, but you don't need to hold on to it. You have the habit of collecting bad experiences. Some people collect coins, but you collect bad experiences and store them in your body. Let me ask you this: if you went outside now and collected the most disgusting and smelly things and brought them to your house, what would happen? Well, it's obvious; you would never do such a thing. So why are you storing those experiences in your body? You didn't know you were doing this, but now you do, so stop it.
Number Three: Handling daily frustrations. You're in a store, and you're running late. The line isn't moving, and frustration is bubbling up. You can feel it; you're getting upset. Notice that frustration instead of reacting. Acknowledge how you feel. Relax your shoulders, hands, chest, and legs. Say to yourself, "This is my chance to practice patience." Think of it as a mini-exercise in surrendering to what you can't control. It's amazing how quickly frustration can turn into calm when you let go.
Number Four: Stop controlling things. When things don't go as planned, there's often an urge to control or manipulate. Notice that urge. Accept that you can't control everything. Remind yourself that things won't always align with your preferences. Trust that things will work out, even if not exactly as you planned.
Number Five: Be patient with family members. Feel like you need your family to do things a certain way to feel at peace? Remind yourself they're on their own path, just like you are. Relax the tension around your heart and chest. Appreciate them as they are, even if they're not fitting into your expectations.
Number Six: Illusion of achieving material things. Let go of thinking that once you reach a certain position, or once you graduate, or get that job, you will finally start feeling peace. It will never happen. Five years ago, you said you would feel happy today if only you achieved certain goals. Today, you have them. Today, you're living the life that was a dream 5 years ago. Do you feel at peace now? Probably not. It won't be much different in the next 5 years.
Number Seven: Don't take things personally. Most people unconsciously think that life is giving them a hard time on purpose, or life could give them more but it doesn't. Of course, nobody says this out loud, but when you listen to their words, you can sense it. For example, they say things like, "Why do these bad things happen to me all the time? Why doesn't life leave me alone? I'm the good guy, and I do all those good things, but I get nothing in return." Life is just that, life. It is flowing and has nothing to do with you, so stop personalizing things.
Number Eight: Training the animal. You are not an animal, but you live in an animal body. You have to train it to obey you. The simplest way is meditation. Look, I honestly hate meditation. I have more interesting things to do. I also hate brushing my teeth, exercising, and taking showers. But guess what? We must do them. If it helps, see meditation as taking a shower to clean the inner body. Ten minutes in the morning and night is enough. If 10 minutes feels too much, then simply be conscious while doing small daily activities. For example, while washing your hands in the morning, stay aware. Smell the soap, feel the water's touch on your hands and face, feel the softness of the towel. This one simple practice each day can be more powerful than taking the best course on spirituality and wellbeing.
And remember, getting good at surrendering doesn't mean life will stop giving you problems. You'll still have problems, probably even bigger ones. But what will change is your reaction to those problems, and that's a huge evolutionary shift. This alone can eliminate 95% of your suffering. You will also unleash a huge amount of energy that was once used to manage your system. You'll start to enjoy life and feel peaceful even in tough times.
Before we wrap up, I want to mention that the insights in this video aren't mine. They belong to Michael Singer, one of my favorite spiritual authors. I read his book and took his course, and I felt compelled to share some of what I learned with you. If you're interested, the book is titled "The Untethered Soul," and the course is "Living from a Place of Surrender." I'll leave links in the description. Thanks for watching.