Transcription
Love yourself no matter what. Love yourself if you're skinny, love yourself if you're fat. Love yourself if you're broke, love yourself if you're rich. Love yourself if you're at the start of your journey, love yourself at the end of your journey. Love yourself when things are going well, love yourself when things are going terribly. Love yourself no matter what.
There's no reason not to love yourself. The same with, if I asked any of you, "Is there any reason for me to not love my daughters?" Yes or no?
"No."
Are you sure?
"Yes, there is no reason."
What if one is really stupid? (audience laughing) I should still? 100%?
"Yes."
Okay, what if one doesn't make millions of dollars, and doesn't have a jet, a private jet? Should I still love them 100%?
"Yes."
Okay, what if they don't get the perfect job, and what if one just never gets in a relationship and never has kids? They're alone forever. Should I still love them 100%?
"yes."
What if one's really boring to be around? (audience laughing) Love them 100%?
"Yes."
Okay, what if one's really negative and sad, and just emotionally draining to be around? Love 'em 100%?
"Yes."
Okay. What if one is really mean and insulting? Still love 100%? What if one makes a lot of mistakes?
Yeah, same for you and yourself. There's no reason not to love yourself, none. Now, to be clear, this also doesn't mean you have to approve of everything that you do or not. You learn from your mistakes, you learn from your lessons. If my daughters make a mistake, I'm not gonna approve of it, but I'm not going to withdraw love. I can do both. I disapprove of this, but I still love you 100%. Same with you and yourself. That's unconditional love.
Yet we all have these conditions. Question for you, "What are all the conditions? What are all the requirements?" And you cannot reach unconditional love by meeting conditions. It's destroying all the conditions. That's the thing, if I'm perfect, if I let go of everything, if I do everything that I see all the people telling me, if I lived the perfect life in the planet, then can I love myself? No, 'cause you're following this bridge of conditions. It takes you further away from unconditional love. Get it? So screw the conditions. Love myself regardless.
What if one of my daughters got really fat, really obese? Should I still love 'em 100%? Yeah, but she doesn't look like a model. Yeah, same for you. There's no reason. And then again, what are the go-to reasons? What are the go-to, What if one really procrastinates, keeps slacking off? Love 100%? What if one's addicted to porn? That's all she does. Just fucking flips her bean every day. (audience laughing) Still love 100%?
"Yes."
Yeah, same for you. Now, before things start getting intense here, if you're looking to go through a similar process yourself and receive direct feedback from me personally, no matter where you find yourself in the world, then click the link below this video right now and apply for online coaching. This is my signature program. So click the link and I'll see you in there.
"I mean, it sounds dark, but I just really need an answer. If your daughter tortures animals, and..."
Still love her, 100%.
"Sociopathic."
100% love her.
"She's gonna be a serial killer."
100% love her.
"How do you love that?"
100% love her.
"How?"
Approval and love are not the same thing. I will disapprove of that, but I'll still love her.
"How?"
Why wouldn't you?
"But she's doing these horrible things that are gonna hurt people. How do you love her?"
Approval and love are not the same. You're saying that love is only when you're good. Fuck that. Because none of us are 100% good. No, we're not, but love isn't just when you're good. That's the conditioning as a child. That's how we interpret it. When I'm a good little boy, good little girl, daddy, mama, they approve, approval of my goodness equals love. But that's not really love. In a way, that's also not unconditional love. The same with you and yourself. Unconditional love is I love myself no matter what. I can disapprove of things, guess what? I love myself. Do I make mistakes? Yeah. Does that mean I should love myself a little bit less? So say we take from your perspective, love and approval. So we take a tiny mistake like say me. I'm like, oh, I dropped the pen. There's one tiny mistake. Then we take extreme serial killer mistake or serial killer act. Say this is 100% zero, like zero love. We drop all the love and here we drop it to 99%. Is that how it should be? Just always filtering? I love myself depending on everything? No. Approving, yeah. Hey man, I made a mistake, not again. What did I learn from it? Hey, I made a mistake. Okay, there are consequences, but I'm still gonna stay with me. In a way, that's love. It's, I'm still like, do you look down at all the parents where say they have their kid in jail and they go visit their child? You're like, "How dare you visit that monster?" No, it's about the, it's not about approving, it's love. It's like staying with the person. Same with guess what? All of you, all of my clients, do I like you or love you all? Like just say, do I approve of you or resonate all of you equally? Yes or no? Do I have favorites and least favorites? 100%. Yeah, I do, but I love you all the same. And I will put in the same effort all the same. It doesn't matter, it's two different things. But again, we're so conditioned on unconditional love that it's hard to grasp. The how is one, starting with you. That's the how. It's stop placing all these conditions on you. It sounds so outta reach when you think about it, but it's usually 'cause we view it through how we feel about ourselves. If you're someone, the same with even judgemental, if you're very judgemental of others, chances are you're very judgmental of you. Now, like I said, this doesn't mean approving of it. If that were to be the case, I would try to catch it early. I would try to stop it before it happens. But regardless, that's my daughter and I'll love her regardless. Same with you, that's you. I don't approve of everything of me. I made mistakes everyone has, but I will still love me. And then the other thing too is be careful of, again, jumping to generalizations too. There are, there's more. Like, we pick either the good or the bad and we tend to project it on the entirety of a person. No, not necessarily, right? The example I give people is, did any of you ever, well, here's a serious question. Can we get, I'll put my serious glasses on. Can we get quite serious here? When you think of the past few years in your life, okay? Have you cut out people from your life, friends, family, even relationships based on political beliefs? Raise your hand if so. None of you? One, two. Okay, three. That's the new trend, by the way. Everyone is, where do you stand? What I always tell people is there's more to a person than that. Here's the test. None of you know where I stand. Oh, am I a Trump lover? La, la, la, la. A Kamala lover? Which one? Oh, you don't know, does it matter? No, because I'm more than that. And so are you. And so is everyone else. Yet we take these small parts of a person. We just paint the entirety of the person with that.
"But it's deeper than that."
That's your judgmental mind thinking, yes.
"Its love of humanity."
Well, why do you think, not like, say we take both Trump and Kamala. Why do you think they don't love humanity? Both of them.
"One does and one doesn't. And if you think about,"
Do you know them?
"Humanity."
Listen, we talked to you yesterday. Your judgmental mind is getting in the way. Do you know any of them personally?
"No."
No. So you don't have all the facts. Don't judge so quickly. I don't know them either, none of us do. Unless you're close friends with them. So you have no idea what's going on through their mind, either or. Don't judge so much, that's the whole theme is you're judging, you're judging. Why do you judge yourself so much?
"I'm a Virgo."
That's so, that is, that's similar to to back to you. So that's jumping to rationalization. Well, it's 'cause I'm a Virgo. No. Stop trying to rationalize your own self-judgment. Stop judging, let people be people. Why don't you accept even the messiness in some? Ooh.
"I want people to be their best selves."
Who are you to decide what that is? Are you God,
"In my mind, I am."
Narcissism at a peak. (audience laughs) I know what is best for people. I know what is best for humanity. Everybody bends to my will. My will, the tyrant that is me is you must all be your best or you'll end up in the gulag. If you are not your best, you don't love humanity, good luck with you. Whoa, no. People are people. We're all messy, we have good, we have bad. And it's this judgmental stuff that gets in the way of connection. Drop it, accept people for who they are. Don't take these small little things and paint it all over. Guess what? There is beautiful goodness in Kamala and Trump. Both have beautiful parts of them, both of them. Guess what? You could probably have an amazing conversation with both of them, one-on-one. 'Cause there's more than politics. When did we become so narrow-minded that we just paint the whole picture? Paint the whole picture, paint the whole picture. And if you believe that about others, guaranteed a part of you is thinking that about yourself. If people see a little bit of me, they're gonna paint the whole picture. Paint the whole picture. No, the same, by the way, with self-help and personal development, it's not just politics. Realize there is more to a person than self-help. There's more to a person than being their best selves. For real, I hang out with people who are not into self-help at all. You're probably cringing. Like, how dare he hang out with people who are not being their best selves. I am. Oh boy. Are any of you, even in this room, not being your best self? Stay away from me. I only want people to be their best selves. No, I have friends who hate self-help. I have friends who hate what I teach. So, isn't there more than that? Does that not mean I can't resonate with them about something else? The example I've given for years is I'm really into music. I love music, I've composed and played guitar from the age of eight, composed from the age of 12 though. And a friend of mine, who I did music with for many, many years, lives in Switzerland, where I'm originally from. And he is not into self-improvement. And if you look at it from a societal mainframe, he's a complete loser. He spent 10 years in college and doesn't have a degree. Ended up dropping out, and that's his life now. And he should have followed his dream, which is music. But he didn't 'cause he was too scared. He was trying to impress his dad, it's a whole story. Very negative guy, very bitter towards life. Gave up on all his goals. But if I sit down with him and we talk about music, it is awesome. We see eye to eye, we connect. It is so fun. Why throw away the baby with the bath water? Now, does it mean I'm gonna hang out with him all the time? No. It'll affect perhaps how much I hang out with him. But there's still ways to find a win-win. But we tend to be so black and white, 100% or cut out. Everyone is a narcissist. I am an empath. That's the whole self-help now. There are the empaths versus the narcissists. Who shall win? All of your exes? Everyone who broke up with you, narcissists. But you are the good side, empaths. It's crazy, there's more a person than that. And try connecting with people. Even people where you're like, oh, I don't think I can. Guess what, there's people in my extended family who are really into sports. I played basketball when I was younger, but I never really liked it. I know nothing about sports, for real. And I'll go to the family gatherings. They're like, "Oh, so the football team and this, you see the, the draft and the pick and the blah blah, blah?" And I'm like, "Yeah, what are the rules again?" Like, it's so bad, it's so bad, it really is. But even with those topics, I still try to connect 'cause it's not just about exchanging the information. It's about again, pinging and experiencing someone else and vice versa. It's this dance, for real. And again, dropping this whole like judgmental, whether it's to others, to yourself, they're tied together. I have a friend who years ago, he lives in New York, also in finance. And he was one of the most judgemental people ever. Like, we'd go out to a restaurant and he'd be looking around, judging the entire room, right? It's like, "Oh, I can't believe they wore that," and this and this. But at the same time, he was the most paranoid about what he looked like. Do I look good now? Is there something, is my hair good? Is it, is it, is my, is it? Like that, like super paranoid, right? It's like, what's the in brand, I gotta be in? So what was happening is he was living in this judgmental reality that he was reinforcing in himself that other people are thinking the same thing. Let go. Same here, it's like if you're so ah towards others, you think they're so, ultimately, if you're so merciless towards others, you're thinking they're the same towards you. Be more merciful, be more forgiving. See people for more than just a certain belief. Same here. It's like everyone, who here likes Harry Potter? Raise your hand. Okay, show, actually stand up. Harry Potter people, stand up. Okay, there's the Harry Potter team. I don't like Harry. I like him more now. I don't like Harry Potter. I've not liked Harry Potter for a long time. For those of you who are team anti Harry Potter, this is the enemy. Look at them. For those of you who like Harry Potter, we are the enemy. How could we ever get along with people who like Harry Potter? Here, come. Team who hates Harry Potter? Tell me, look at these demons. I mean, there's human decency, isn't there? What does that say about their core values as a human that they like Harry Potter? We could never talk about anything. You and I, you and I, we have nothing in common. I am an empath and you are a narcissist. No? Crazy, small thing, project on the person. So have a seat. But I hope it proves my point. It's like, my whole point is in the end, it all links to you and yourself. But it's like, and it doesn't mean, now to be clear too, this could also be taken outta context. You're like, "Well, I'm just gonna surround myself," Like, you might take it like, "Well from now on, my tribe are serial killers." I'm accepting. Like, no, no, that it's as always with anything in self-help, it's in the middle. And that's actually what I liked is you gave one extreme. I gave you the other extreme. The answer is not you, it's not me, it's a blend. Any piece of advice, it's weird. It's always in the middle. If Trump and Kamala had a baby, that's who should be president. (audience laughs) For real. It's always in the middle, it really is. But no, it is important to keep in mind. Fuck, now we're all gonna be thinking about what would it look like? (audience laughs) Now what you just watched here is just a small piece of a larger system and process. So what you want to do now is click this video here to see exactly what I'm talking about and how it all fits together.