Transcription
Hello. [Music] How are you? Where you got for three or four episodes over the last like couple of weeks? Okay. Um, coming in, I was aware of, you know, the whole movement of black women getting back into their femininity, um, etc. But some of the rest of the stuff that you said kind of went beyond and past that. And I'm, I will admit as well, my feelings were hurt, very hurt, um, because of some of the categories that I kind of fit in. Okay. Did it? Yeah. Okay. Was it, was it hurtful that I said it, or was it hurtful that you're in these categories? It was hurtful, like, just the realization that I'm in these categories because I had never really heard anyone put it like that before. And then, you know, it kind of hits you with the realization that, okay, yes, I may have wasted time in my 20s and my 30s, etc., pushing my career. Um, so I agree with a lot of, you know, what you're saying, but then there's some things, um, that I just still just can't, I guess. Such as, um, that women can't be career-oriented and be a quote-unquote boss and still balance with femininity and be successful.
Okay, well, let's talk, let's talk about it. Women cannot, women cannot balance femininity with bossing, having a career, and what else? Uh, and being successful in a relationship. Okay. You know, so how many women do you, how many black women do you know who are feminine, bosses, married successfully? Um, I'd say maybe a handful. You know them personally? Yeah. Are they married to black men? Yes. I wouldn't say it's a whole bunch, but like, like a handful, right? Um, now, out of, so what, so out of a handful, do you think, why do you think it's only a handful? Why isn't it the majority? I can honestly say I do think black women need to get back into their femininity, but I still just question, do we have to necessarily give up that masculine energy part of us that allows us to go give up to chase our careers, chase our dreams, chase?
Okay, let's talk about careers. Um, my position is, most women don't have careers. You have jobs. Okay. Um, that I don't fall into that category. I said most women. I didn't say. Yeah. Okay. But what do, if you look at the jobs that women hold, the top six employers, the top two employers are black women, the federal government and retail. Correct. Those are not careers. They're jobs. If you look at the top six positions held by black women, the only people that lower are Hispanic women, and that's because they do a lot of domestic work. A lot of times, black women will self-aggrandize stuff that's not calling themselves bosses, and they're just the one employee, their sole proprietorship. You're not a boss, you have a business. Yeah. I don't see many plumbers call themselves boss dudes. They have a plumber. So why?
Okay, the issue with, do you want, okay, would you like to be married? I would. Yes. Would you like to have children? Uh, yes. Okay. Um, do you want to have to work to pay significant bills after you're pregnant? Um, honestly, for me, I'm open to either way. Just because I, I'm asking you what you want. Now, I'm asking you what you want now, what you're open to. Probably for a time, maybe the first like year or so, and then I'd be willing to go back into the job. Well, not job force. But how many children do you want? Uh, one is good for me due to my age. No, one child? No, that's a horrible thing to do to a kid. I'm an only child. It's a horrible thing to do to a kid. Raising an only child. How old are you? I'm 39.
Okay. Um, so, um, I will, for the record, say that I have my eggs frozen. So this whole dangerous stuff, danger zone stuff, doesn't quite apply to me. Well, it still does. You know, you're past danger zone, it's no man's land. Okay. But so, have you known you wanted to be married for a long time? Yes. So why have you waited so long? Um, I think part of that, I'll take 50 more myself and a 50 I put on, um, the men that I've dated in the past. Probably weren't ready. You mean the men you've chosen to spend your time with? Yes. See how that's, I reframed that. You said the men you've dated, and I said, no, the men you've chosen. Because you're a professional. I did choose them. Right. Because you're a professional woman. So if you know what you wanted, and it's almost 40, your life has proven that you can't have what it is you say that you have a problem with me saying you can't have it. And I'm here to tell all you women, you cannot have it all. Life is about choices and trade-offs. Which is why you had to freeze your eggs? Because of choices you made. Correct. So I'm not being hurtful or disingenuous. Men know we can't have it all. And you women think you can have it all. And you cannot be a boss and be feminine and have a family and have all the upside and no downside. Who's gonna raise your? Who? Who?
Okay, I don't necessarily say that there was, there's going to be a downside. I think everybody knows. Okay. Do you know anybody with children? Yes. All right. So you wouldn't mind going back to work after your child is one or two years old? Who's going, where's the child going to be? It's either going to be daycare or nanny. Okay. And how much is daycare for a one or two-year-old? Um, average daycare prices is about 675 a month. Excuse me? Average daycare for? No, you need that's closer to two grand, man. It's not 6.75. It's just, it's higher than that, much higher than that, actually. This is the industry that I'm in, so I kind of know the figures on that. All right, so let's take the numbers in. Okay, but I'm also had children too. So be respect. I mean, I'm not trying to have a pissing contest, but let's just, let's just. But at the end of the day, but at the end of the day, um, you'll be working and someone else would be influencing your child in the developmental years. Yes. I have no problem with that. Okay. Well, um, it's part of the problem we have right now because if you're in the industry, you know how important those first, those tender years are. Well, that's exactly why you met someone that's, you know, can carry out, you know, the proper influence that you want, right? And I, I think a lot of, there's a, there's a theory part of it, but then there's a reality part of it.
Um, how long have you owned your own business? Um, so I just started a company, uh, three months ago. And what did you do before you started this company? Lead software engineer at a marketing agency. Right. So if you were to get married, your husband would need to make how much? Um, my range is probably like, the bottom of that is probably like 80. Not because of an income, like not dollar amount, but looking at quality of living. So I'm the type of person where I do like to. Eighty thousand dollars. Okay, hold on. Eighty thousand dollars. Hold on. Eighty thousand dollars. What percentage of American men make eighty thousand dollars plus? Um, I would say that's probably maybe around 25 to 30 percent. Fifteen. Okay. So half the men. So half. And what do those men want from a woman? Do they want a woman who's 40? [Music] Depends on the individual, of course. Okay. Okay. Ma'am, that always depends, right? It always depends on the individual. But the more money a man makes, the more, the more he wants. So I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be completely honest with you. Just listening to your channel, this is the first time that I've heard anybody, um, you know, give that opinion that men, you know, in that income bracket on up don't want 40-year-old women. Well, that because, but you're 39. All you have to do is do this. Is know one thing that, um, look at, look at Hollywood. Look at men with money. And what do, what do men with money? Who do they pick after they have money? Do they pick older women? Do they pick women who are overweight? Or do they pick young, hot women? See what I'm saying? Has always been there. We just don't like it. We just don't talk about it because women run most, spend most of the dollars in advertising, and most media follows you. So you're talking about celebrities. No, I'm talking, I'm talking, I'm talking about men, period. Men. People. So the men that I see from my, from my purview, my perspective, I work in the industry where I'm around a lot of six-figure men, high six-figure men, working with software engineers, right? And they're no, they're not picking young. Hold on, hold on. So you roll man, cause they're your clients. Have you ever asked these men what kind of women they want? Um, I know I haven't asked. Well, then that's the point. Let me stop you right. Let me stop you right there. I have, because they're my clients. See, you ladies get this confused. Because you work with them, you think you know them. You know what an employee. You don't know what he wants from a woman. But I tell you this, no man wants an older, overweight woman. The more money a man makes, what is, what is, what was it Chris Rock? A man's only as faithful as his options. So the thing I'm saying, a lot of you women have, you can see it with your own eyes, but you never, never put two and two together. But have you ever asked yourself why is a woman with my education, my background, my drive, and all this other kind of stuff, unmarried? Or women like you, take you out of the equation of women like you. Have you ever asked that question? Um, I have. I think the answer that I settled on was still deal with around the, um, femininity issue and, um, not, you know, just like you said, being agreeable. And well, I would say, I would say you personally, I would say more than anything else in Black America comes down to weight. How much is, how much is, how much does the average black woman weigh? Um, so I've seen your answer to this yesterday. So I think you said somewhere around 175, 80 pounds. No, no. The average black woman weighs closer to like, um, 190 pounds. Okay. But have you ever asked any of the guys you date? Have you ever been proposed to? I have not. Been pretty close to now. Okay. What's the longest relationship you've ever had? Uh, five years. Why didn't you marry that guy? He was cheating on me in year one. Years two, and you knew it in year two. Um, I found out in year two. But you stayed for four more years. Uh, we got back together off and on. So I would say it was a. You said five years. You said five years. So I'm just going on your math. And you're one, but year two, you found out he's cheating. You stayed for another three years. All right. Did he make more money than you? A sec. Um, at that time, no. Okay. All right. So I get why a lot of things I say are harsh because the reality is looking a lot of you women in the face. The men don't care about your income, your education, your career, your bossness, your divineness, any of this stuff until the attractiveness is there. Then the femininity has to be there. Then the submissive and cooperativeness has to be there. Then all this other kind of stuff. But unfortunately, far too many of our women dump past the fitness test. And that is something that a hundred percent of them can deal with, but they don't. I mean, you're, you're a plus-sized woman, right? Yes, I am. Was it the last time you were like, an actual healthy weight? Um, I'd probably say about five years ago. And how much did you weigh then? Uh, 180. Man, that's not it. But I, that's not a healthy way. That's it. Don't, don't, don't tell me. Don't, don't. I'm the image consultant. If you're. Come on, come on. Sorry. You can. How tall are you? I'm five six. That go ahead. Make a case. I'll go ahead and counter. So then, so they said I was going to make is that you? There's the BMI. VMware. They're still healthy from a perspective of what are your medical doctors tell you? All right, so you mean to tell me? You mean to tell me your medical? You mean to tell? So you mean to tell me is the number? You mean to tell me that a medical? I want to be clear. You mean to tell me a medical doctor? I need. Hold on. Listen to the question. You didn't let me finish. Well, I. What everybody's individual. I'm not just talking about BMI, man. How about this? Forget you individually. Should they? Should a woman weigh more than a man? And her? Are you looking at YouTube? I'm watching the screen. Okay. Should a woman weigh more than? So the woman weigh more than a man at her height? Um, probably not. What do you mean, probably? Come on, can we be honest? No. So I say probably because I really, I've really never thought about it. But, but, but, okay, how about this? Take it away from human beings. Okay. Where in nature are the, are the female mammals larger than the male mammals? Probably not. Exactly. Okay, ma'am, you're an educated woman. And every time you say probably, it's a red flag. It's like you're not being honest. Well, I say probably because there's always edge cases. But, but edge cases don't disprove the norm. Say you're the software engineer and technical woman, and you still don't want to deal with the realities. If a five foot six woman at 180 pounds, the average man is five foot nine and a half, weighs 168 pounds. At five foot six, 180, you weigh more than a man. And then when you go look around at women of other races, do you see women? Do you see Asian women who are five six, one eighty? No. And that's, and that's what you said was a healthy weight. What's the most you've ever weighed? Well, because you asked about me personally, right? But what's the most you've ever weighed? What's the most you've ever weighed? The most I weighed is 350. Three? What? 350. And I lost it. Okay. So I get why this is hard, man. But okay, arguably there is, unless you're telling me you had a medical condition, diagnosed thyroid. And my ex-wife has Graves disease. So I gotta ask, why do some, why did you let yourself get to that almost 400 pounds? Um, so the truth behind that is childhood trauma, which I did had to go deal with. Um, a lot of times, and what I do feel, a lot of women don't like to admit, is that the root cause of their overweightness is trauma, especially trauma stemming from like family of origin, etc., that has been left undoubted. That we do need to go seek therapy for. I don't doubt that there is a lot. I always talk about therapy on my channel, and mental illness is a big thing. But, ma'am, come on. No, I know. I, I totally agree with you on that point. So, but see, but see, but what I need you to understand is, as weight has increased with black women, so has marital rates. No one. And I'm, and I get picked as a, as a [ __ ] for for pulling the truth out of women that you guys don't like to talk about. There was no, for whatever, there's no way to look around and say, I should be that way. And there's men. Let me finish. And there's the, and, and just like their childhood traumas for women, their childhood traumas for men too. But see, we don't give men excuses. The world tells men, you ain't [ __ ] and you need to do better. I agree. So now you get somebody like myself coming along, just talking about observable facts, figures, data, statistics, things you can see with your own eyes. And a lot of women are saying it's hard. And I'm like, I would think living a life this way is harder. And I don't understand why women who live the lives that you guys live don't do something about it because you can see the outcomes. When you went to go freeze your eggs, you knew something was wrong, correct? And you went to college, and after college, you saw other women getting married and moving on with their lives. And around 24, 25, you had to look around and start to see fewer and fewer single people. Or maybe not black women, because black women stay single for a long time. So then you, you live in this alternate reality. And you, and this is why I did that show yesterday, Divas, Queens, and Bosses. And what are the Queens? The Queens are the overweight, unattractive. And the Bosses would have disagreeable ones. You don't find many of those women who are married. So no, you can't be a queen and a boss and have a husband. No man. Yeah, I guess that's that's the, that's the, I guess point of contention for me. Why you can't go be ambitious and still, you know, be married, whatever, you know, at whatever age? Why do you, why is that? Why is that? Why is that a point of contention? When men don't want it. Men don't want it. Do you, do you at least accept that fact that men don't want that from women? Or do you not believe that? No, I'm not gonna say I don't believe it. I guess the question that's in my head is, why from an aspect of, why wouldn't you want a woman that has aspirations? You know, because you're supposed to be your passion. Because just nobody gives it. Because you're not here to do that. What is, were you raised in, uh, you are you religious? Uh, I was raised in a religious home, but I'm not. Okay. Christian? Yes. Okay. Uh, when you're raising, what's a woman's purpose on this planet? Um, according to the Bible? To be a help me. That's your only purpose. A woman's purpose on this planet, Bible or not, is the man. Without us, you have no purpose. And see, what you're doing is, you're at odds with reality. Let me finish. You. I'm sitting back. You saying, well, I don't, you're at odds with the fact that men don't want what you have to sell. Men don't want ambitious, career-driven women who are overweight and unattractive. See, it's that combination. See, if you were, if a woman was not, if a woman was not overweight, and then, hold on. If a woman was a career, hold on. You can't overtalk me. If a woman was career-driven and ambitious, but she was also smoking hot, then she'd have fewer problems. But when you are ambitious and career-driven, overweight, and or unattractive, that's too many struggles. And at the end of the day, you cannot. At the end of the day, ma'am, you, no woman can make men want you for your reasons. Do you want a broke man? Then how dare you sit back and try to question what men want when you say your lower floor is the top 15 percent of earners in this country? But see, you've been told that that's fine. See, that's a standard. But men can't have standards. And your life, I guess I'm concerned that people, maybe even the younger women watching your channel, will be dissuaded from like pursuing their passions. And there's no. What they need to be dissuaded from is getting. Okay, what they need to be dissuaded from is going to be 350 pounds. That's what they need to be getting dissuaded from. Since you just want to get there, you keep acting like I'm talking about. I want women to be airheads and dumb. I don't want them to be unattractive and overweight. How about we just get right down to it? That's your problem. It's not your career. It's not all this other kind of stuff you keep trying to wedge me into. It's the fact that you allowed yourself to get to be the size of almost three adults. And I'm an [ __ ] for saying that. And I don't understand why black women fight this so much. Black men have been saying for years, we don't want women who are masculine. We don't want women who are overweight. And we don't want women with weaves. And what do we get? Masculine, overweight women with weaves or wigs. You keep giving that to black men, and tell them to take it, and they're not. You're going to the clinics, freezing your eggs, and wondering what the [ __ ] is wrong with the men. You're the one going to the clinic, freezing eggs. But I'm an [ __ ] for saying that. I didn't say that. No, no. But that's the way it gets portrayed. So when a woman like you, when when I say it, it doesn't matter how nice I say it, because I tried 50-11 million nice ways to say it, and you kept arguing, kept pushing, and kept. And you still don't seem to understand the fact that men are visual. And men don't find women that are overweight or attractive, especially not successful men. No man really finds. The only man to deal with women like that are men who have no options. Okay. So if you know, if, do you know that? Or do you accept that? I'm, I'm saying, okay. You know, just, okay. So, so, so, so black women, you oftentimes talk about how skinny white girls are. Oh, they too skinny. They too skinny. I ain't being. Why so many white women thin? [Music] A, why do you, why do you think? Why do you think white women? Why do you think white women are in gyms running? I mean, you know what I'm talking about, man. I, you know, I know what you're talking about. I guess from a perspective of, I have heard white women obsessed over their weight. Why? Because why? Societal pressure. Not societal pressure. Use the words, man. It's not societal pressure. Use the words. It's the men. Okay. Yeah. See, black women can't even tell her man. You can't even tell the truth, man. This is this is getting to be sad. It's not societal pressure. White women want white men, and white men run the world. And these women are running to be competitive to get a man. Unfortunately, black women don't think they need a man. So you will let yourselves go to the point to where you become damn near me, and you're bigger than men. And then when you can't get one, you turn around and ask, well, what's wrong with men? I'm educated. I'm this. Not you're not what they want. See, even Hispanic women, whose Hispanic men make less than black men, but even Hispanic women know what to give their men what they want. Why don't you black women just give black men what the french toast they say they want? Why don't you just do that? No, no. Why? But why don't you? I'm not necessarily. I, I'm not necessarily too sure black women are raised with that person. I'm asking you. You. Why don't you? Why are you giving black, black men what they want? How about you? Um, I say from the, the weight perspective, I've never thought about it in that aspect because I've dated people. You mean because somebody would have sex with you? [Music] Um, now, don't get it twisted. I ain't nowhere. I didn't say you were no random. Are you okay, man? Don't get it. And don't get. Hold on, hold on, man. Hold on. First off, you need to understand who I am. Don't do that. I'm not trying to call you no random nothing. But you weren't. Are you trying to tell me you were a virgin? You had sexless relationships? No. So the point is, the point is, listen, women's sexual psychology is this. A man who is a three on the scale from one to ten, if he lucked up and had sex with a woman who's at nine or ten, a man knows that his value does not qualify him to start getting nines and tens. A woman starts to equate her value with being able to have sex with a man. But that's not where your value should be. It's on keeping a man and a husband. So when you say you've had been able to date people, that's that's the lowest level. You're, you're, you're a sexual object. But no one is going to keep you, marry you. What I was going to say was that I think when people are able to secure dates and get in somewhat maybe long-term relationships, if you don't know what's a problem, you won't address it. Secure dates. But, but securing dates is dating. Is dating boyfriend? But it's that thing. But it's okay. But let's be honest, is that the, and that's part, another part of the problem. Marriage is never really a goal for most black women. Thank you for admitting that. Boyfriend, a relationship, just somebody to have sexual access is enough for most black women. Just like the previous caller, I don't need to be married. That's how low a lot of black women have dropped their standards. I just need to have a title, wife. I don't need that. Girlfriend will do. Even you said it right. Even you said it. A five-year relationship. But the thing is, but the thing is, ma'am, the reason may not know what. But yes, you can, ma'am. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Because in the second year, when you found out that man was cheating on you, you stayed in a situation. And you stayed in this situation. But my thing is, if you had better, better men as options who were trying to court you to be with you or marry you, you wouldn't stay there. And cannot tell me you would have stayed with this guy if you actually had better options from higher value men. Yay or nay? Um, careful. At the time, at the time, no, because that was, and part of that strato in my college years. So what does that mean? You mean if you mean if you actually had bona fide high value men trying to court you for a long-term relationship and marriage, you to stay with the cheating dude? No, that's not what I'm saying at all. That's what I'm asking. That's what I'm asking. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So no, you wouldn't have stayed? No. They ain't no. The answer is no. Yes. So that specifically. So my point is, you all, you didn't have other options or better options. This was, he was the best option you had. It was sub-optimal, but it was the best. And why do you think that was? It's not because you, because the men who are higher value wanted fit women. We're not going to get past this in Black America. 80, 8 out of 10 black women are overweight, and 80 are obese. We're getting to the point now to where black women weigh more than the average black men. Women, a woman who's five four weighs more than a man who's five four. Women, five seven, weighs more than a man is five seven. It's getting so bad that now you're starting to, you're starting to double up on men. I'm going back to this 350 pound thing, man. Because if five foot seven, that's twice as much as the man and three times as much as a woman should weigh. Absolutely. So, and, and that, and that [ __ ] and doing something about it. And, and that's the thing. And let's take it away from you. So it's not so personal. If, if women can't sit there and it's like, black women can look in the mirror and delude themselves, a lot of themselves, and say, I'm fine. I'm this. And I mean, I get women who are larger than that trying to approach me. I'm like, what in the hell do you think this is? But just that's because somebody somewhere had sex with her, and she thinks. Well, [ __ ]. And the sad part is, you don't have men like me speaking. So it's unfortunately women like you, if you were in your late teens when you could have done something more effectively about it and possibly change the outcome, is just going on and on and on and to the point where it's really a foregone conclusion. Ma'am, you may have frozen your eggs, but would you be carrying a child, or would you get a surrogate? That's when you asked. I have. I do have the money to get a surrogate. And well, it has to be because of your. And we, and black women, sadly, your education hasn't done it. It hasn't made you better. Your income hasn't made you better. It's made you worse. These are all horrible options. Freezing eggs and surrogacy are not, are like using an abortion clinic for for birth control. Yeah, I think that's a strong comparison. But okay. Oh, you don't. So, so you mean to tell me that this is, you mean to tell me that this is what normal, healthy heterosexual couples should be doing? Or this, like, emergency level? So someone is in their life and their individuals. Yeah, you keep going. Do you keep going to? See, you keep going to. You keep going. You keep going. See, the thing is, you get in order to make, instead of saying, you know what, you're right. You got to go to an extreme nuanced position. And this is what's so frustrating about so many black women. You will. But I don't think those are the only conditions that allow. Is it the norm? What I'm saying is, no, going to, going to get an abortion should not be the norm. Excuse me. Going to get an abortion should not be the norm in birth control. It should be some sort of female birth control, IUD, patch, gel, foam, and male birth control, vasectomy, condom, something like that, with a backup of Plan B. That is far more of a logical, rational, reasonable birth control scenario than having raw, unprotected sex and then having to go get abortions. That was the example. So what I'm saying is, your method, if what you've had to do became the method of having children, having to take eggs out of the woman's ovaries, freeze them, and then wait to have an available donor, and then take those eggs and either deposit them in that woman's womb or go get another woman's womb. That is the same. That is the same. Lineup. Don't get, don't get, don't get lined up saying it's an option for people. Oh, okay. But you don't need it. You didn't need. You wouldn't need it. See, that's the thing, man. And I try not to go there. You wouldn't need it if you were, if you would have gotten married and at a healthy weight when you were younger. That's my point. Yeah, abortion is an option if you need it, but it should not be the option. And see, this is, this whole exercise has been really telling because black women like yourself seem to be so confused. And you can't understand it. I'm like, man, do you really sound like, does it feel like you're an agreeable person? An agreeable female? I do feel like I'm an agreeable person. Just doesn't have a difference. Okay. Disagreeable. Okay. Well, okay. And you know what? I can believe that. I've talked to plenty of black women enough to know that. Honestly, you guys think this is just a conversation, do you? A lot of black women, like I said, really feel like this is just normal. And it's not. This is not how communication should go between men and women. And I've actually had, uh, plenty of men say, you know what, I would love for you to bring non-black women on the show one day and just let the non-black, like, let the non-black women just go back and forth to talk to them so you could compare and contrast. But I said, you know what, that would, that would blow this channel up. Because because this is what this is. Because this is what I need to say. Listen, I need, I need. Okay, you're still overtalking me. I know you can hear me, but when I'm talking, you still gonna go. And see, that's why there's a lag. So, but, but I know, but I can hear you, so you can hear me. There's a lag, but you can. That's not the problem. The problem is you're gonna overtalk a man. And that's part of a black condition because far too few black women really value or respect black men. That's a low level lack of. There's a low level contempt and a lack of respect for the black male image that is in, that is in most black women. It doesn't matter his educational achievement. Doesn't matter what position the man has. You're a black woman, so and I'm beneath you somehow. It's palpable. I didn't say that. You don't have to. You don't. But I'm not purposely trying to talk. I didn't say you were hard. When you're when you're on Zoom and you're trying to look for your entrance to kind of have an opinion. All right, so the notion that black women's opinion. See, an opinion is one thing. Disagreeable is another. Notice how many times we, I've had to debate you on simple things. And I will say this, if the last relationship you had was how long ago? My last relationship was a year and a half ago. All right. And that was the five-year relationship? No, well, I always, I always recommend that people talk to their exes, especially if there's no hope of getting back together, and find out what it's like to be with you. But if I had to go ask your coworkers, your male coworkers, what it's like to work with you, what do you think the consensus would be? Um, actually, they will give me a good review because I'm their manager. I manage teams of all men. So you want to put that to the test? Absolutely. We can do that offline. No, no, no, no. See, the thing, I'm not just a personal consultant. I'm a corporate image consultant. And this is. I'm not asking this question because I don't know. Okay, you're talking about your subordinates, correct? I'm not asking about your subordinates. I'm asking about your colleagues. My colleagues would be my director. I only have like. So over here about this. How about this? Over the course of your career, over the course of your career, if, so what you're telling me is, over the course of your career, if I could do this sample and ask the people you work with, hey man, what's it like to work with Nick? What's it like? You, you mean to tell me that most of them will tell me what? That I'm hardworking. I'm a great team member. Um, a team player. I'm a great collaborator. Um, you can go look on my LinkedIn and see. Um, again, ma'am, again, hold on now. You talking over me now. You're talking. So you can't say you don't hear me. Okay, go ahead. See, you don't pull that [ __ ] that you couldn't hear me because you could hear me. And see, this is an exercise I do when I do corporate coaching, and people are often freaking shocked when they see what people actually think about them. I have yet to have a woman in a corporate session not be, what, especially when there's no fear of retribution and it's anonymous. But you know what? At the end of the day, man, this has been a good back and forth. But I will tell you this, there is a reason why 51 percent of black men are single and shylist, and 64 percent in the middle class. It's not because they don't want women, or they want black women. Black women are not giving black men what they want. And they would rather have nothing than accept a disagreeable, argumentative, masculine. I'm not saying this is you. Masculine, any of these traits. Men don't want disagreeable, argumentative, masculine, uh, unfit, overweight, women that lack femininity. And especially when you start talking about marriages, because who, if you got married, who would lead? Are you asking me? Yeah. If you got married, who would lead? I absolutely want my husband to lead. Okay. Have you ever been led? What's in your relationships? Do, do you typically, does the man typically lead in the relationships that I've had? No, they haven't led because I have typically been in my masculine energy. And it's not till recently that I became that self-aware enough to know that I needed to lean back. So I had, like, for the last two years, I've been kind of learning and practicing, trying to make that shift. But, but, but what I'm hearing, man, what I'm hearing, ma'am, is you may be aware, but you still don't know. You've still never done this in a, in, in a relationship. Um, what you've told me. Listen, what you've told me is in your relationships, you're in your masculine. No, I said, and like I'd say, my most recent relationship, I was in, because that was the relationship that I. You said it was over two years ago. You said it was over a year ago, right? Yes. And how long were you guys together? Uh, about roughly eight months. So I actively in that relationship. So why did it, what it end? To my feminine. Excuse me? But why did it end? It ended because he disrespected my boundaries and walked into my house uninvited and did some stuff that I don't think any respectable man should do. You know, but you were with him for a year? No, I said eight months. You waiting for eight months, and you guys weren't sexually active? No. And he was your boyfriend? Um, I'd say we were exclusive. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Did you guys have a conversation where he said, will you be my girlfriend, and I'm your boyfriend? We are one-on-one, and I'm not seeing anybody else? Yeah, we said we would be exclusive. Exclusive doing what? Exclusively dating. Exclusively dating. So how old was this man? He was 33. And you were 30? How at the, at the time? I was, uh, 37. So you got a 33-year-old man and a 37-year-old woman, and you're telling me that you guys were exclusively dating for close to eight months or nine months, and no sex? No, that was a personal choice of mine. All right. Um, all right, that's. I'm not gonna even unpack that one. And he claimed you was, and he was on Facebook, you were his girlfriend? Oh, no, no, he did not. So how do you walk in your house? Um, my door was open. And he had asked me if he could come over. And I told him no. And he kind of pressured me until. You know, your boyfriend asked you, could. So your boyfriend asked you, could he come over to his girlfriend's house? Yeah. Isn't that the respectful thing to do? Well, I'm just trying to understand something, ma'am. See, you already get defensive. I'm just going to what you said. Your exclusive voice. All right, check it. I wouldn't. Don't. No. Was it? Did he normally come to your house? Yeah, after asking. Okay. So, so your boyfriend had to ask you to come to your house? Your exclusive boyfriend had to ask his girlfriend to come to his house? Yes. And you're telling me that you were in your feminine? Lord have mercy, Jesus. You can't make this [ __ ] up. All right. No, ma'am, that you do told on yourself. You told on yourself. You tell on yourself. You and your feminine. Not what the hell. You were not in your feminine. You, a sexless relationship with somebody you're monogamous with, and he has to ask you if he can come to your house. And then because he came to your house, you, you broke it up with him. Yeah. No, you. Well, you didn't let me finish. I heard what you said, man. You said he came to your house. You said he came to your. I'm gonna keep cutting you off because you, you talk over me, and I'm not gonna do this. You said that you broke it off with him because he did something that was improper and rude and crossing about it. Is unmanly. And I'm asking you goddamn, what did he do? Was so bad? He asked his girlfriend, could he come over to your house? No, that's not what he did. That was that. I didn't get a chance to finish explaining. Okay, well, that he, he just. It doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter, man. Honestly, it doesn't really matter. Uh, if, if this is feminine. Okay. Um, no, you're not gonna talk over me. I've done that for the last time. Nope. I'm not gonna do that. I'm just asking. You're not gonna. No, you're not gonna toggle with me. See, you can't even pay. You can't even follow instructions. See, that's why I know. See, I've triggered you. Is that what I've done? I've triggered you. And now you're showing who you really are. I've triggered you. I've triggered you on purpose. And you've come completely out of frame. And I'm not your man. I'm not your man. I'm not your man. And I'm not in a relationship with you. Answer your questions. See how this work. I just. You asked me a question. I know I asked you a question and gave me the information I needed, man. I went all about my business. See, the bottom line is this, what man wants to deal with a woman who you gotta ask if you can come to their house? If that's supposed to be your girlfriend? Hmm. Especially if they're supposed to be monogamous. What man wants to ask? What man got to be in a [ __ ] position and say, hey, girlfriend that I'm monogamous with, can I come over to your house? And what woman who calls herself feminine has to sit back and had that kind of boundary that he has to cross? Good luck, ma'am. Um, but the things that I say, I stand by. And this back and forth dialogue is further illustrated the contentiousness that exists between most black men and black women. A lot of you just have problems with your, your role of being women. Take that up with the god of your creation. But it ain't gonna change. You don't like being a woman. Go fuss at him. I wasn't necessarily say I don't like. [Music] I let that go on and on and on and on because I, these are the women who have a problem with my platform. And what is the problem? That I actually am telling you, no, you cannot be a bossy, ball-breaking, 350-pound woman and think you're gonna get a man. You may get a male. And even with it, look at how, look at how women like the caller treats males. Eat when they get them. They don't show them any respect. Ladies, who thinks that that woman treated her boyfriend with any kind of respect? Hmm. And juxtaposed, and it doesn't matter how they look. Juxtaposed it with the previous caller. Um, [Music] They don't have to put up with this stuff. That's why I tell you guys, the value thing, whatever it is, get your value up to where you have options. Do not take poor treatment from women. You, you let people know what you will and what you won't accept. Draw a line. You don't tell them, give them ultimatums. You just give them choices. But you can't do that, guys, if you don't have any value. And one thing has been shown and proven for sure that I would say in particular, black men, the higher up black women go in the socioeconomic status and older they get, the more problematic they tend to become. And I've yet to see women go up their socioeconomic status and in age, and they become more agreeable, easier to work with, easier to get along with. So next, next week, we do average looking women, average looking lazy women. Do they want high value husbands or do they want a high value lifestyle? And then we do old hoes. Tricks. No, she disrespected that. Heck, I know he was just. I mean, can you imagine? He's 33 years old and you can't, you can't even have sex with a, a big girl. [Music] Um, thanks for tuning in to the relationship report today. We had an incredibly eye-opening discussion with Kevin Samuels that unmasked some tough truths about relationships, expectations, and personal growth. In today's talk, Kevin highlighted a critical difference between traditional relationships where the man assumes a leadership role and the woman a supportive role, and modern relationship dynamics where roles are fluid and partnership is perceived as equal. It was noted that these modern relationships can become fragile and susceptible to failure if communication is not effectively managed. Kevin made it abundantly clear that from his perspective, men value peace in a relationship. They are not looking for constant debate or disagreement at home. An overly masculine, argumentative woman who doesn't maintain her physical appearance can be a deal breaker for many men. He further emphasized that preferences like a natural look over weaves and wigs, and maintaining a healthy weight, often factor into men's considerations. This information may be hard to swallow, but it serves to underline that everyone has their preferences and standards, and it's essential to understand these when navigating the dating world. The conversation today taught us that irrespective of the relationship model we follow, traditional or modern, the keys to a successful, fulfilling relationship lie in understanding effective communication, respect, and meeting each other's needs. We hope this dialogue has given you food for thought and helped you reflect on what you want in your relationships. As always, we encourage open dialogue, understanding, and growth. Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe to the relationship report for more enlightening discussions. We'll continue to delve into these vital topics that impact our everyday lives. Until next time, keep reflecting, keep understanding, and remember, it's the hard truths that often lead us to a better path. [Music] Up on.