Transcription
I'm Dr. Orion Taban and this is Psychax and Better Living Through Psychology. And the topic of today's short talk is turning it around. So there will be times in your life when it seems like nothing is going your way. Sometimes it's weeks, sometimes it's months, sometimes, man, it feels like years. It's like life is personally out to get you. and it's nothing but frustration and failure and disappointment. Maybe you're in one of those times or maybe you know someone who is in one of those times. Today I'm going to teach you how to get out of this situation. So either say this one for a rainy day or send it to someone who needs to hear it now.
The longer I live, the more I appreciate that so much of human action depends on inertia and momentum. The longer something remains inactive, ineffective, or unmoving, the harder it is to change. That's inertia. Inertia is like a swamp or wet cement. It's why habits are so difficult to change. There are potentially decades worth of inertia encasing them. So, it's going to take a great deal of force to affect even a negligible shift.
On the other hand, the longer something remains active, effective, or moving, the harder it is to change. That's momentum. Momentum is like an avalanche or an onslaught. It's why some people seem unfazed by setbacks. No one's life is a graph that just goes up and to the right. But if you have enough momentum, then you can kind of plow through those tough times. They might slow you down a bit, but your momentum will generally carry you through to your next win.
From a physical standpoint, inertia and momentum are two sides of the same coin. The greater an object's inertia, the more force is required to get it moving. And the greater its momentum, the more force is required to get it to stop. You can kind of think of both as the force required to change something's direction. All right.
Now, when things aren't going your way, it's easy to get mired in inertia. And the longer things don't go your way, the more that inertia is subject to accumulating. This affects your perception, your memory, your emotions. it becomes increasingly difficult to stay motivated, to stay hopeful, to do things that on some level you know you need to do to get yourself out of that rut. However, this makes it all the more necessary to affect the change in direction and to do so sooner as opposed to later.
The way out of inertia is the generation of momentum. Momentum is generated through wins. when you do something well, when you achieve something, when your situation is improved. I'd like you to consider that all of these wins contain varying degrees of force. And force when it accumulates can produce momentum and hence movement, a change in direction. More momentum equates to more confidence, more forcefulness and more hopefulness as you progress through life.
The issue is that when you're mired in inertia, big significant wins, the type that can generate momentum in an instant, just seem utterly unattainable. Given your current state, those wins could just as well as be on Mars for all their perceived accessibility, which of course can make you feel even more powerless and hopeless about your situation. But there is a solution.
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Here's what we're going to do. If you find yourself mired in inertia, we're going to temporarily reduce your threshold of achievement. In some cases, if you're really stuck, we'll reduce that threshold to like the smallest quantum of achievement. We're talking about behaviors that on some level you cannot fail to accomplish and certainly behaviors that no one can prevent you from accomplishing. Meaning that the locus of control for the behavior resides entirely in you.
What might that look like? Well, if you're in a really bad place, we're going to need to shrink that threshold down as much as possible. You got out of bed. Great. That's a win. You changed your clothes. Great. That's a win. You brushed your teeth. Great. That's a win. You get what I'm saying? Now, in the beginning, this might feel strange, even a little pathetic, but you have to understand that it's all relative. Like, getting out of bed, changing your clothes, and brushing your teeth would be huge accomplishments if you had a spinal cord injury. You know what I'm saying? That judgmentalism, that contempt prior to investigation is really just a cognitive defense in the service of the inertia. It's an aspect of the inertia. And so, it really can't be trusted. Ignore it for now. It's not going to be like this forever, but you've got to be willing to be at least temporarily flexible here. So, that's step one.
Step two is to acknowledge when you've accomplished something. That's right. You have to do it for yourself. You made the bed. Give yourself some recognition. Good job. Like, say it out loud. Literally pat yourself on the back. No one else is going to do it, so you've got to do it. Okay? And of course, in the beginning, this is going to feel foreign and alien. But the more you do this kind of self-affirmation, the more you'll actually start to believe it. And it helps to counteract the feeling that all the good you do remains utterly invisible and inconsequential. It isn't, but you might be the first and for a time only person to recognize it.
The idea here is to create win chains or successive wins over time. This is how you generate momentum. Reduce the threshold of accomplishment and boom, maybe you get like 10 wins in a day. That's pretty [ __ ] good, especially compared to the previous day when you maybe got zero wins. It's about taking control of your perception so that you can generate emotional momentum over time.
Of course, you won't stay at this level forever. As you start to feel movement, as you start to feel better, you gradually increase the threshold of achievement. So, in a week, the accomplishments look different. You applied for that job. Great. That's a win. You cooked a healthy meal. Great. That's a win. You took a tour of the local gym. Great. That's a win. Recognize them. Acknowledge them. Give yourself a pat on the back. You still might be the only one affirming these wins, but trust me, people start to notice as the wins get bigger. Right now, it might be good that other people aren't noticing as you may not really be at your best yet. You know what I'm saying? Don't worry about it.
Ideally, once you get the hang of this, you'll be constantly titrating your threshold of accomplishment so that you're always achieving more than not in your perception. Like I still do this today and every day of my life. Some days the wins are big, some days the wins are small, but I keep changing the size of the wins to ensure that I keep my win streak alive. And that's how you generate and maintain momentum. It's how you kind of pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get yourself out of a rut. Because if you're a man, no one's going to do it for you. Transform your inertia into momentum and get moving. Accumulate enough momentum and you'll eventually become a force of nature.
What do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comments below. And please, as I said at the top of the episode, send this to someone who you think might benefit from its message. I know you know someone who might be struggling right now because it's word of mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow.
Other value propositions. Anyone looking to join my free weekly newsletter for which I write original content, no AI, or book a paid one-on-one consultation with yours truly, can find out more information on my website. There are also my books, The Value of Others, my bestselling examination of the sexual marketplace, and Starry Night, my novel about the final weeks in painter Vincent Van Gogh's life. Finally, there is my private member community, The Captain's Quarters, where you get direct access to me and my network of awesome professional YouTuber friends. Uh, it's a great crowd. Check it out if you're at all interested. A lot of value there. stuff I can't say on YouTube, I can say behind the scenes. Um, thank you so much for your support. I appreciate it. And thank you for listening.