Transcription
I'm Dana K. White. I am the author of Decluttering at the Speed of Life. I'm the creator of the No Mess Decluttering Process. Today, I'm going to talk about my journey of learning to value space more than I valued my stuff.
So early on in my desabification process, my my best friend happened to mention that she needed a love seat for a game room area that she was creating for her kids. And I said, "I have a love seat. You can have it." And we loaded it up into her Suburban. And I remember looking at that love seat in the back of her Suburban and thinking, "Oh, I actually have changed." Because she had asked me, "Hey, you know, I can give you some money for it." And I was like, "No, no, no. I just want it gone." And I thought about how different that mindset was for me than the mindset I had had when my house was completely overwhelming to me, when it was completely out of control.
So, a little of my story is that um I before I started this dabification process, I was an eBay seller and so I knew how much generally things could earn for me. I knew the actual monetary value of stuff and so I would see everything in my home and I would see dollar signs attached to it. Like I knew how much I could get for something because that was what I did to earn money. But I was not as good at it as I should be because it ended up causing my house to be out of control. I would bring things in that I was buying at garage sales a lot faster than I was getting things out and I would sometimes bring things in that then didn't sell the way I expected and so then they just sat in my house. So that was part of what brought me to the point where I was completely overwhelmed and started this process. I'd always been messy but that just really made it worse. But because I saw those dollar signs, that was a legitimate challenge for me when I started decluttering.
So I think about like what is it that brought me to that point where I didn't want any money for it? And I saw the value of getting this large piece of furniture out of my house. It's because I had come to the point where I had started placing the value like as a word like value but also even monetary value on having more space in my home on having things out so that I could function easily in my home. And this is what brought me to the point where I was willing and ready and eager to give things away either to people or to donate them just in general instead of trying to sell them because the space was more valuable to me than even the money that I might get from these items. and I could gain the space so much faster if I didn't worry about trying to sell things. I'm not saying you can't sell things. I'm just saying that I came to the point where I realized my obsession with selling things was causing stuff to stay in my home for longer, either while I was trying to sell it or trying to find the time to sell it or trying to figure out how to best sell it or trying to work myself up to finally selling it. All those things, those things were sitting in my house and I didn't have the space. And once I realized that the space was so valuable, that's what made me willing to just give it away and get it out.
So, how did I get there? How did I get to the point where I valued space over stuff? Well, a couple of things. First of all, the visibility rule. Start in visible spaces. It is normal when you're overwhelmed by stuff or really for anybody to think when I'm going to start decluttering, I'm going to start in the drawers and the closets and all of that. But uh I learned from lots of experimentation that if I would declutter in a visible space like surfaces um the front entryway that people would see when they come in my house when I decluttered invisible spaces it built a lot of momentum for me. Part of what happens there is that when I decluttered invisible spaces it improved the function of my home. When I decluttered my kitchen counter surfaces, it was easier for me to make dinner. It was easier for me to let people inside my house because my kitchen wasn't a disaster as often, right? It just made functioning easier. When I decluttered my entryway and somebody rang the doorbell, I was not embarrassed to open the front door. All of those experiences made me grateful for open space. when I experienced being able to pull out my cutting board and chop up the vegetables for dinner without having to do five things first of shifting this here and moving this temporarily over here. When I was able to just do it, I experienced how different it was to live and function in my house now that I had decluttered. And so I saw the benefits and the power of decluttering because I experienced those benefits every time I opened the door. I had that moment and I still sometimes have it where I go, "Oh no, somebody's at the door." And then I realized, "Oh wait, I don't have to be worried anymore because I can open the front door." And that contrast in the way things were now that I had done decluttering in that space and the way things used to be where panic filled my heart or dread filled my heart at the thought of, "Oh, I'm going to have to do all this to be able to do the thing I need to do." All of that helped me see my stuff differently. And it started taking the dollar signs away from the items and putting the value on the function and the ease of being able to work in that space.
The reason I chose to do this video in my bedroom is that I would say this is the space in my home that I've really experienced this. So my bedroom in our old house uh when I started my dlabification process was always the bane of my existence. It was always the place where when I needed to clean up my house, but I wasn't actually decluttering. I was just stuff shifting. I would shift everything into my and my husband's bedroom because that was the room that I could lock the door and pretty much guarantee guests were not going to go in there. Sometimes they did, but that was my process. That was what I would do before I actually understood that the real value was to get the stuff actually out of my house. So, as I decluttered my home, that was my last spot. Okay? And here here's the shift in thinking. When I used to look at an item and think, "Oh, this has value. Oh, obviously I need to keep this item." Like, it's a good item, right? Like sometimes it's not even monetary value. It's just saying, "This is a good item. This item has value." Of course it does. Then if I didn't have a place to put it, if I didn't know where it went, if I didn't have any space for it because my house was completely full with stuff, then the natural thing to do was to shove it in my bedroom because I was like, well, it's a good thing, so I have to keep it. I don't know where to put it. I can shove it in there. And that was how that space, every time I would get it back under control, it would go back to being out of control because I was still putting my value on the stuff as opposed to the function of the space. When I realized that the value is in being able to function and live well in a space and I finally got to the point where I applied that to my husband's bedroom, that is what really showed me, oh, I like open empty space.
So, so just picture what my bedroom used to look like and that was stuff everywhere. So that would be covered that dalally that chest of drawers right there would have been piled high with stuff. Now it just has a lamp and an iron, you know, so not a decorator, right? Um the thing that you can kind of see in the mirror, it's like a little um daly over here, chest of drawers. It would have been covered in stuff. Things would have been shoved in so hard that the drawers would be open. My nightstand would have been covered in things. Those spaces would have all been covered and then the floor would have been covered. Y'all, I can remember years of not even being able to easily open and close our master bedroom door because the pile of stuff would creep out and creep out and be up behind the door. And so we could open it enough to go in, but we couldn't just open it easily and walk in the door easily and then close the door easily because there was just stuff everywhere. The floor was covered in stuff. And as long as the floor is covered in stuff, then when you, you know, I'm a I'm a throw my clothes on the floor kind of a person. So when I would do that, it would then blend in with the other stuff and then it would become piles and piles and piles, right? And so that was how we lived and it became something that was invisible to me because I was just so used to it. But here's the thing. When I started to understand the value of the ease of functioning in a space and having open space with nothing in it, then I was able to see the contrast between the way I used to have to walk through my bedroom in the middle of the night, which was like this. Okay, maybe some of you will recognize this move. Okay, eyes closed. Oh, and I don't know what the back of my hair looks like, but whatever. You get what you get today. Okay. Um, but I would walk through the room like this, my eyes closed, and I would do the the little shift thing. I think that's what you're supposed to do like in the ocean, right, for stuff. But I would do that to get through the room so that I didn't fall and I didn't end up busting my face by falling on my face in the middle of the night because that was what I had to do because there was stuff all over the floor and that was normal to me. But when I understood the value of just having open space without anything in it, now I'm able to get up out of bed and just do like this because I know I'm not going to trip on something because things don't exist to trip on. And there's value, like real value in not tripping, in not having to worry about those things. It's one of those things where you don't realize how much something is affecting you until it's gone. You probably have other examples in your life where you have experienced that. Hopefully, you've experienced it some here.
A couple of things I want to say. Number one, for those of you who are like, "It feels weird. These spaces used to be full to the to the to the wall with stuff." And to not have that there, it feels really disconcerting. What I would encourage you to do is really zero in on the function. Declutter in a visible space. Declutter your kitchen counters to where they are. They don't have to be completely free, but they are free enough that you can just pull out a cutting board and chop some vegetables. And then focus on how you're feeling in that moment when you're cooking dinner and you're not experiencing the friction of having to move a bunch of stuff that you used to have to move. Focus on that and that will be helpful to change your perspective on open space and the value of open empty space. The other thing I always recommend is that once you have started to experience this, use it as you declutter items that you're worried you might have to replace someday that you're worried, oh, if I get rid of this item, what if I have to reby it in the future? Go ahead and do the things that don't count like that. Go ahead and do the trash and the obvious donations and the things that don't stop you and make you think about that first because you're going to immediately experience improved function, improved space. It's going to be easier to do things in your home. But as you do this, I mean, you do run across items that stop you in your tracks because you're worried about replacement value and how much you might have to pay to replace this item. Think about, okay, this item that I might have to replace for, let's say, $50. I'm legitimately might have to replace this item for $50. Let's say there's a printer that's been on your floor for ever and you haven't actually used it, but you think, "Someday I might need it. What if I have to replace this printer and that would cost me $50 even used somewhere?" Blah, blah, blah. I don't know. Think about that and say, "Is it worth it to me? Is it worth $50 to me for this space to be decluttered and functional? Is it worth $50 to me to be able to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without worrying about falling on my face because I'm going to trip on something? Is it worth $50 to not stub my toe on that printer? I mean, which I shouldn't have chosen printer, right, as an example, but you know what I mean. Is it worth that amount of money for me to not bang into things? I didn't realize how normal it was to me to bang into stuff until that stuff was gone. And you know what I really like? You know what I really value? Not stubbing my toe, not banging into things, not tripping. I really value being able to do things easily.
Okay, I hope that was helpful. I just want to let you know this is my last video before my summer break. Okay, so I if you're new here, welcome. I take summers off. This is how I maintain my sanity. This is how I have time to focus on my college kids that are home. It was how I managed when they were little and they were home running around and I was taking them everywhere. But even still, um this is how I function. So, I have decluttered summers, I guess you could say, from my um putting out content schedule. So, just so you know, I will be back. I'll be back in mid August. I'm not going anywhere. I am just not going to put out new videos between now and mid August. So, uh this would be a great time for you to go join my newsletter. Those should be going out. Uh, I'll be sending out like a a random post kind of like a explanation or a real- time realization that I had when I was going through my dissification process and coming up with these strategies that I now teach you. Um, I send those out on Tuesdays. On Fridays, we send out a general newsletter that has whatever is new, whatever's going on, and also some older things that are, you know, reposted in there. Um, and uh, think about joining my community. go to a slubscle.com community and join us. Um I have a a paid group where you can interact with people who are also on the same journey that you're on using the same language and the same strategies. It's a lovely lovely group. So ascomescle.com/ community for that. And don't forget that I have decluttering coaches. So if you're like, you know what, I'm ready to dig in and I need somebody to talk me through my space. Go to declutteringcoaches.com. That's my website. Everybody there is trained and certified by me and um find if there's one in your area. If there's not, work with somebody virtually. Okay, I will talk to y'all in August, I guess, right? Have a great summer. Bye.