Transcription
Most people chase trends to look hot temporarily. But the most attractive people on earth are self-ressearchers. In a world where beauty is sold to look a certain way or to look a certain standard, beauty, in fact, is not one-sizefits-all. And when we feel this desperate need to chase and to fit this ordeal of what that woman looks like, we lose our sense of attractiveness more and more. But what if being the most attractive, beautiful, gorgeous version of yourself does not actually require more products or more clothes, but it's truly a process of self-mastery?
Hi, my name is Jasmine, and on this channel, we talk all about becoming the woman of your dreams and building a life that you absolutely love. In this video, I'm going to be sharing with you my curated step-by-step guide to become the most attractive version of you simply by mastering the art of you. And we're not only just going to be talking about how to look physically attractive, but we're talking about emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Because the most attractive people are only attractive because they know that all the power that they need is within them already. They put the work to studying their light and learning how to amplify it.
I've also included chapters for this video so you can skip around. You can also find the timestamps in the description below. And if you're somebody who's ready to do the real work, I'm not just talking about watching these videos, but actually transforming. I provide in-depth journaling worksheets for every single one of my videos. In these worksheets, I provide introspective journaling prompts as well as practical exercises to help you remove your limiting beliefs and write out an action plan so you can start living out as your highest self today. The link to access these worksheets are down in the description below.
Now, let's dive into the video.
The very first step is to study your core wound and patterns like a scientist. The beliefs that you carry about yourself are secretly but powerfully controlling the trajectory of your life. A lot of these subconscious beliefs control what we think we deserve, how much we can attract in our life, and how we really see oursel in our power. As women, we carry such deeprooted core wounds that are not even necessarily true, but they were all driven by our own wounds from childhood.
These painful and deeprooted beliefs often drive us to make decisions that aren't actually in true alignment with our highest selves, but we make these decisions out of fear. Like, for example, always going back to a toxic ex or choosing a career that we have absolutely no interest in. These deeprooted beliefs, if unhealed, will continually drive how we make choices in our life.
If you keep holding on to the belief, "I am not wanted," then what happens is that you will subconsciously seek out relationships where you aren't wanted. And it's that our actions will always stay consistent with the beliefs that we hold about ourselves. So, it doesn't matter how much the 5% of your conscious mind wants to change. If the 95% of your mind believes you are unworthy of that life, then it's not going to feel safe to go for something bigger, to go for something better.
These wounds show up as our insecurities, and it manifests into the type of opportunities we attract, the types of people that we end up in relationships with, the way we self-sabotage, and also how we present ourselves in the world. And the truth is, every woman that you meet, every woman on the internet, every YouTuber, celebrity, is going to have some sort of insecurity. This is just the beautiful part of being human. And as humans, we're always a work in progress. The goal isn't to try to eradicate every single insecurity we have, but just doing the proactive work to release those insecurities because they are not loving to us.
Looking at these core wounds is going to be a very painful process. But instead of reacting or judging, start seeing your patterns and your triggers like a scientist. The real glow up is not about trying to fix yourself. Because the more that you go into self-development with the intention of fixing yourself, you create and find more things that you will need to fix. But the whole purpose of self-development is only to understand yourself on a deeper level. The real work is learning to understand yourself intimately.
So, how exactly do we do this? The very first thing is to start studying your insecurities. What is a comment that typically hurts you the most? Or if you are doing something very vulnerable, for example, like posting on YouTube, what is the worst comment that someone could post? Because that will accurately reflect what you are truly insecure about.
The second thing is noticing your patterns around your deservingness. When life is going really good, when you're creating success in your life, or when you finally attracted that healthy partner, do you self-sabotage when life goes well? Or do you create unnecessary chaos in a healthy relationship because that's all you're used to? These are all clues and signs around our deservingness and whether we believe we deserve to be living such a happy life. Our unconscious mind is always trying to get us back to the familiar. So, it doesn't matter how amazing our life is in the current moment. If our nervous system is only comfortable with chaos, with madness, with drama, then our subconscious mind will always try to reshape reality to fit back into your old mold.
The third thing to look out for is to pay attention to your triggers. So, especially around who makes you jealous and why. Jealousy is actually such a powerful way to see what it is that you actually want. But the reason why you feel jealous isn't because of that other person. And it has nothing to do with that other person at all. The feeling of jealousy is all just an illusion of the so-called rules that you think you need to have in order to feel worthy, lovable, beautiful, and attractive.
The more that you work on and release these insecurities and these triggers, the more you'll realize how much you've been outsourcing this sense of confidence and power to the society that will never be able to give that to you. And when you release these insecurities, you literally become bulletproof. And that when somebody actually calls you ugly, when you have released that insecurity, it won't affect you because there is no part in your subconscious that even believes that story.
The process of becoming your most radiant self starts with the process of subtracting, letting go of old stories of who you think you are. You are entirely worthy and enough just as you are. Becoming the most attractive version of you, it already exists within you. So, stop trying to go out there to find it.
The second step is to know your attachment style and love language. Everyone has emotional needs, and as women, we cannot keep being afraid of asking for the things that are important to us. If your specific needs are not being met, then it doesn't matter how perfect or how amazing your relationship may seem on paper, you will still feel disconnected, frustrated, and unfulfilled in your life.
We often do not realize the importance of voicing our needs and seeking out people who can give us our needs because in society we have been taught to suppress our emotions. As women, we have been taught to keep ourselves as lowmaintenance as possible because when we're lowmaintenance, more people will like us because we're more agreeable. But because of this, more and more women are actually in pain because they don't feel like they're living in true alignment of who they are, because they're afraid to truly ask for what it is that they need.
But expressing what you need is not highmaintenance. It's not selfish, but it actually shows emotional maturity. And in fact, being high maintenance really shows that you have standards in life. Who gets to be in your presence? And not everyone could have access to your energy. It makes you rare.
So, let's talk about love languages. Your love language actually shows you your primary emotional need. And this is often something that you lacked a lot in childhood. For example, if you are an Asian girly like me, or you grew up in an Asian family, then you must know that words of affirmation is not common at all. And because I rarely heard encouraging words growing up, only if I did something really well, like if I got straight A's or something, then I would get complimented, but it rarely did happen. So now, in my relationships and in my friendships, words of affirmation actually means a lot to me. So, you writing these comments, like I read all the comments on YouTube, and I'm just so grateful. It just makes me so happy.
There are five love languages: quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, and words of affirmation. There will always be one specific emotional love language that will particularly stick out to you. If you do not have that one core love language being met that is actually important to you and that can actually fill up your love tank, you will feel incredibly unloved, and genuinely, you will feel very empty in this relationship.
That's why whenever you enter into a new friendship or relationship, it's important to state what your love language is and also ask your partner what's important to them so you can fill up their specific love tank as well. When you start understanding and actually being able to identify what your love language is, then you'll be able to communicate that to your future friends or in your future partnership. It shows you how you can fill your own cup and how other people can fill your cup as well.
Let's talk about attachment styles. Your attachment style is the pattern that you follow in close relationships. The four main types are secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. So, you're a mix of both anxious and avoidant. These attachment styles really cames through during our upbringing. And simply by understanding your attachment style, you can understand why you are the way that you are in relationships. And it also reveals to you the kinds of people that you tend to continually attract or chase.
For example, if you are anxious, then you typically love to be in close proximity with your partner. Another thing is that you may often feel rejected really easily. And on the other hand, if you are an avoidant, then typically you will shut down or withdraw whenever someone is being very emotionally intimate with you.
One common dynamic that causes a lot of relationships to fail is the anxious-avoidant trap. So, what happens is there are two people: an anxious person and an avoidant person. The anxious person wants to get closer with their partner, but the avoidant always wants to withdraw whenever things get too close or too intimate. And the anxious person will try to get closer because they're getting too far. And then the avoidant person will run away from that intimacy because they're afraid. Neither partners are actually getting their needs fulfilled.
So, with this awareness, if you know that you are anxious, then don't be afraid to share and talk about the things that you need in order to feel more secure. There's nothing wrong with sharing what you need from the other person. And if your partner does not respect or honor your needs, then you shouldn't date that person. Like, you do not want to waste your time around somebody who doesn't actually give you the care and attention and the validation that you need. As an anxious attachment, you need to pay particularly close attention to see if that person is actually proactively giving you the sense of comfort and security that you need because your emotional safety is so important.
On the other hand, if you are an avoidant, maybe it's time to reflect on why you are afraid of being in close proximity with somebody. Is it the fact that if they truly know you, then you would be vulnerable to any sort of attack? Or is it because that when you are emotionally vulnerable with someone, people can see through all of your flaws? And we make up so many crazy stories about what it would feel like if somebody got truly close to us. But you'd be surprised to know that people tend to love you so much more when you're vulnerable and you're sharing your truth.
When you know your attachment style, you will naturally make better relationship choices. Also, you will attract the right people, the most aligned people, and obviously when you have great people in your life, you're obviously so much happier and so much more attractive.
So, the third step is to build identity capital. The most attractive people, they stand out because they live interesting and fascinating lives. So, how you can be more interesting and captivating is learning what actually lights you up, what makes you excited to wake up. And after understanding this, we can start building identity capital. Identity capital is the value that you bring through your life experiences. This includes the richness of your perspectives, your life stories, your personality, your interests.
So, how on earth do you build identity capital? Aim to do five fascinating things that job interviewers, new friends, or dinner companions will want to ask you about for the rest of your life. How you can start doing this is start putting yourself in situations of discomfort where growth is required. If you want to go solo backpacking in Europe, go sign up. If you want to try skydiving in Hawaii, go sign up. These are all experiences that expand your toolbox, that expand your identity capital.
When you live and actively create a more adventurous life, you will naturally have more stories to share. And when you have interesting stories to tell, then people will naturally see you as more interesting, more captivating. And that is what makes you attractive and different. If you've been stuck for a while or you just have never seen yourself as an adventurous person, be gradual and start small. You can take that new class that you've always wanted or do that hike on your own. It's that every small gradual step you take will snowball, and you will naturally find the courage to do bigger things over time.
Now, let's go into your natural intelligence style. Most of us were raised in a system where intelligence only looked a certain way. It's mainly through academic performance like math and science, and your girl was never good at either. So, it was really tough for me to grow up thinking that I had more to offer in this world. From a very young age, we were all taught that in order to identify yourself as smart is to be able to have high grades and then being able to go to university. If you did not excel in those two specific areas, then you probably grew up thinking that you were not intelligent at all.
But I am so happy to say and tell you that intelligence is not one-sizefits-all. But in fact, there are many different types of intelligence. The flaw with the school system is that we were taught to focus on our weaknesses. So, if you got an A in English, but if you got straight C's in everything, your teachers, your parents, will probably want you to fix every C that you have in your report card. We don't focus on the areas that we're good at. And when this school system has primed us to view our weakness as something that we need to work towards for the rest of our life, we end up choosing careers that we hate.
So, let's talk about what exactly is your natural intelligence. Your natural intelligence is the area in your brain where things naturally click. These are things that may seem really hard to everyone else around you, but to you specifically, it feels natural and it feels easy. These are also some of the things that you enjoy learning and expanding in.
Some examples are linguistic intelligence. So, you are naturally great with words, writing, or speaking. Musical intelligence: you intuitively understand rhythm, sound, or instruments. Emotional intelligence: you read people really well. You connect easily or you always know what other people need. Intrapersonal intelligence is when you're deeply self-aware and reflective. Spatial intelligence is when you understand visuals, design, layouts, or how things fit together. Logical-mathematical intelligence: you're strong with problem-solving, numbers, or reasoning. Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence: you're naturally and physically skilled, coordinated, or great with your hands.
The truth is, everyone has a form of intelligence. You may have just been conditioned to overlook this as your strength or to completely devalue it. This matters so much with being confident and attractive is because when you are naturally good at something and you know you're good at it, you attract the right people who will admire you for this skill. The most magnetic people are not people who try to master everything or they don't try to be good at everything. But their power is that they know themselves so well and they know their strengths that they end up using it with confidence. And naturally, the more that you own this natural intelligence as a part of your superpower, you will attract opportunities, people, relationships, so many new doors will open for you.
The very last step is to study your aesthetic identity. A lot of people tend to like to copy trends or what everyone is wearing at this point in time, but not every outfit or not every style may fit your body type, your face shape. Essentially, it may not entirely fit you. This part of the glow is really understanding what looks good on you and accepting that not all pieces are made the same. Just because this one piece looks good on a certain model or on your friend may not necessarily mean it will look good on you. Whenever it comes to fashion, your hairstyle, makeup, it requires a lot of trial and error in the process to figure out what looks good on you.
So, how do you actually start studying yourself rather than chasing trends? The very first thing is to study your face shape. Different face shapes can suit different hairstyles or earrings or even blush and contour placements. For example, if you have a bigger forehead like me, then having curtain bangs can actually help balance out your features a little more.
Next is body proportions. Knowing the shape of your body can heavily transform the way that you dress yourself. You are not changing yourself to try to fit into a piece of clothing. But this piece of clothing is made so it can fit beautifully to you. And if a piece of clothing is not a perfect match, that's okay because there will definitely be another piece that can accentuate your features.
For example, I have seen on Pinterest, on Instagram, all of these women wearing these really beautiful high-waisted pants. And I have wanted to wear these pants for the longest time, but whenever I do try them on, I look at myself and I literally look like a trapezoid. But after through further experimentation, I realize what actually fits my body the best, which is bodycon dresses. It just makes me feel so good. They're comfortable. It makes me feel sexy, and it does accentuate just my positive features around my body, and it just makes me feel so confident. Stop fighting your body shape and stop blaming your body for not being able to fit into the trendy clothes that are probably going to be out of season tomorrow.
The next thing is analyzing your undertone and color analysis. Certain colors will make you glow, and there will be other colors that may not look as flattering. Find out the tones that actually flatter you. So, if you have a cool undertone, if your veins are bluish and purplish, then you have a cool tone. What that means is that you are most suited around wearing cool tone jewelry like silver. But if you have a warm tone, if you look at your wrist and you do see like warmer tones on your wrist, then you may look better in gold jewelry. Use this opportunity to invest in someone who can do your color analysis for you. And I actually know a friend of mine who used Chachi to be her own personal stylist. And all she did was she sent up a photo to Chachi and asked Chachi to give her a full color analysis. And I felt like it worked really well for her. So, maybe give it a try.
The last thing is your natural features. This is really about how to do your own makeup by simply understanding your own features. An example of this is if you have hooded eyes, I understand how much of a pain it is to do your eyeliner. So, I like to help my friends with their makeup. And what I do is I only draw the line right at the outside of the eye rather than trying to like draw that line across the entire eye. When you only focus on the outskirts, your waterline is already so exposed. So, just focus on the outside.
Another thing is that if you do have a more prominent nose, if you do have a stronger nose in comparison to your face, I would focus on drawing a darker brow because it does balance out the features more and that people are paying equal attention to both your brows and your nose. It just makes you look a lot better. Trust me. For me, like I don't have like that slim nose, but I learn how to work with it. And I do find that when I draw and have a darker brow, I naturally look more balanced.
What I would recommend that you do is if you do not have a stylist in your life right now, that is okay. We can use your bestie Chachi BT and just write down what your body type is, what your face shape is, what your undertone is. If you want Chachi to do your color analysis, feel free to do that as well. And also tell Chachi what are some features like what does your face look like? What are some prominent features that come up and what makes you unique? And then ask Chachi BT to curate a unique aesthetic identity based on you. ChachiBT will recommend pieces or even tips to help you enhance your features.
Another great tip is to find creators that have the same body type as you. And just learning what their clothing style is can help you feel more inspired to elevate your closet. And the reason why they're well-dressed isn't because they're chasing every single trend on TikTok, but it's because they know their body so well that they know what looks good on them. And they also know what feels the best to them.
And we've reached the end of this video. Thank you so much for tuning in all the way to the end. Remember to stop chasing beauty, but to see that beauty is so incredibly multi-dimensional. It's physical. It's mental. It's spiritual. And your attractiveness all comes down to how much you understand yourself.
One thing that I would love to hear from you guys is what is one incredibly unconventional or rare thing about you that you absolutely love about yourself? And if you want to do the real work and implement everything that I taught in this video, the worksheets are down in the description below.
If you are on the journey of becoming the woman of your dreams and building a life that you absolutely love, consider subscribing to the channel because I talk a lot about relationships, money, love, self-worth, and becoming a high value woman. If you enjoyed this video, I would highly recommend checking out my other video, "How to Become the Most Interesting Person in the Room." In that video, I talk a lot about how to make your life more adventurous, more fun, and how to make you be seen as someone that is truly captivating.
I love and appreciate you so much, and I hope to see you next week. Bye.