Transcription
Now I want to give you guys context. The things I'm going to talk about next, this is a year of doing shows, so interviewing a thousand people. These are some of the lessons that I learned in this process.
And what happened was, I would recruit women for the show. About eight people would show up, and I would do these panel shows, and we would debate different topics, and I would get people's perspective on relationships. Okay, so one thing that I had heard was that women love a man that cheats or that can cheat. And I thought that was untrue. But when I interviewed a thousand women, I would get a little bit more specific. If we had a show about cheating, I maybe would start and say, "Have you ever been cheated on?" And I couldn't believe how many women said yes. It was pretty much every single woman, maybe 70%, I would say, "Yes, I have been cheated on." And when you hear that on its head, they, you know, they tell you the story, whatever. But I decided to dig a little further. My second question would always be, "Did you leave or did you stay when you found out?" And I would say, 80% of the time, women stayed.
Second thing I figured out was, if they ended up leaving the man, they left him when he stopped cheating. So I had a clip that went viral where I said that women love being cheated on because I had just done 10 shows where every, it was, it was, I couldn't even believe it. I would say, "Have you been cheated on?" "Yes." "Did you stay or did you leave?" "No, I stayed." "How long did you stay?" "Six months." "Okay. And then did you end up breaking up with him?" "Yes." "Okay. Well, did you, did, was he cheating then?" "Well, no." So, you know what, what conclusion am I supposed to have?
You know, the next lesson that I learned interviewing a thousand women is that, and this is a little bit counterintuitive, but it doesn't really matter. And this is just a people skill, anyways. It's not, not just about women or men, but, you know, people say things, and people lie to themselves to the point where they believe it's true. You know, I would have women that came on the show that were single mothers that truly believed they were traditional women. How can you be a traditional woman and a single mother? Those don't really go hand in hand. You, you, you simply cannot. And the cognitive dissonance that I would see over and over again led me to believe, led me to conclude that sometimes people virtue signal, but you have to watch what they do.
Another example that I thought of was that there was a woman that came on my show. The whole show, she said, "I like nice guys. I do. I'm done with the bad boys. I like nice guys." Well, this show, my recruiter had brought one of his friends to watch the show. And this guy, I didn't know this at the time, I didn't know who he was. But sometimes the recruiters would bring their friends to like watch a show. At this point, this guy was just out of prison. I, I don't know why he was at my apartment. I'm like, "Why would you bring him?" Or like, he dealt drugs or something. I don't know what he did. But anyway, that's besides the point. He got her number and took her home that night. And this woman, for an hour, the whole show. So what did I conclude? Was that sometimes people lie, obviously. And sometimes people lie to themselves to the point that they believe that it's true.
Okay, out of a thousand people, I found maybe three women that I would say came off as close to traditional. So a lot of times, what I would hear is that the conservative bunch or the conservatives would always say, "Go to church and find you a good woman." But when I, and when I interviewed women, I would get women that were Muslim. I would get women that were Catholic. I would get women that were Christian. I would get, I would get all different types of women. And out of a thousand, maybe three. And guys, by the way, I don't, I'm not saying that I like that, I am traditional or any of that. But I, I can observe what makes someone traditional, what makes someone not. And typically, women that are traditional prioritize their family over their career above all costs. So you can't really say you're traditional if, you know, you spent your youth not having a family, right? You can't really say you're traditional if you're working 80 hours a week. With, you know, it, there's just things that I look for in the way that women carry themselves and choices that they made that I would deem them, you know, just from my perspective, traditional or not traditional. I'd say maybe three out of a thousand.
And a common pushback I would always get was, "Oh, it's just the types of women you bring on your show." But being in London, it was so, I mean, we had normal women, we had professional women, we had women that were doctors that came on our show. I mean, we even had women that were wives that came on our show. And I would even try to recruit. I would be fine, "Find me these super, you know, Trad." Why couldn't I find them?
The next thing I learned is that very few women can process information without taking it personally. An example of this is one time I tweeted that 25-year-old women are better looking than 35-year-old women. And there were married mothers tweeting me their selfies trying to prove to me, some random woman on the internet, that they are still hot. I was never talking about anyone in particular. I never said a specific name. I just said, you know, as we get older, we're not as good-looking. The same way, if a guy, I don't know, at 60 or 70, he probably won't be able to lift as much. If you, if you say that to most guys, they probably won't tweet you their muscles, you know? But so what I realized is I could never make a general statement about men and women dynamics without people, and men have this problem too, right? It goes both ways, but without it being taken personally.
Um, many, many of the men that go on these shows and say they would never cheat, either don't have the option or they're lying. There was a point where there was a guy that was like a regular on her show, and his whole thing was that he does not cheat, he's a loyal person. And what I found is the more someone says that they're loyal, the less likely they will be, just in life. Like, people that are loyal don't really have to say it. But it was, it was really funny because he was dating like three women on the show. It's like, you don't, people don't think I get the gossip. Like, but you know, I'm never one to like call someone out on a show if I know stuff. I just let him go, you know.
I also found out that most women have an ex that they go back to in between breakups. So, you know, beware, guys. Good luck.
And the other thing is that, oh, the other one thing that I learned was that many women, or many times when people say they became something or changed something, it's more that they're trying to convince themselves. So I would always hear, "I became feminine. I became feminine." And I don't know, their demeanor wasn't, I couldn't really put my finger on what it was, but I found the women that were femininity coaches had a tendency to be really not feminine at all. I would find they would be the most masculine ones.
And guys, this was so taxing on me. So again, at one point, between me and King Rich's show, we had six shows a week. So I just, I got to a point, I just could not. It was so frustrating to me to have conversations over and over again where the information could never be taken in general, it was always taken personal. That I just needed a break. I just needed a break.
Okay, so another thing that I concluded was that I used to think that women had real reasons for leaving their families. I would think it would be a very serious, you know, I would think divorce is a serious thing. Women don't do that for no reason. And when I got into the space, I would hear that over and over again, and I would just think to myself, "Well, it can't be that simple." And to be fair, it's not the only reason, right? Sometimes there are real reasons. But overwhelmingly, interviewing a thousand women, I found out that the common answers I would get for why are you divorced would be, "I outgrew him." That, that was the number one answer that I got. Or, "We outgrew each other." And when I would dig and say, "Well, was he abusive? Did he do this? Did he do this?" There was nothing. And what I came to realize is most people value their own happiness above their children's.
Another thing I learned is that the women, I think conservatives paint the past as a better time to be alive. I would always hear that, and I maybe even said it at some point, that the past was better because it was more traditional and family stayed together. But when I really got to thinking about it, the women of the past did not like their husbands that much because the second they got the chance, they took the money and left. Again, I don't look at what people say, I look at what they do. And as soon as women got jobs and got the option to divorce, they did. And that begs the question, would you want someone to be with you who doesn't want to be there? And that is why I changed my opinion on banning no-fault divorce, you know, because I just, I think it's got to be torture to be in the same house as someone who doesn't want to be there. I don't know. And some of these, some of the wives are so miserable, guys, they just nag on their husbands like endlessly. I, I, why torture them?
So I used to think that marriage and family was the answer, right? When I first got into the space, again, before some of you might not have even seen this content, but before I really went super viral and started talking about divorce laws and all that stuff, I thought that marriage was the solution to a lot of people's problems, traditionalism. But what I came to find out was that marriage in 2024 is overwhelmingly a negative experience for men. Most men that have been married over a certain amount of time did not have happy marriages. I found out that 80% of their wives gained 20 pounds or more in the first five years. I found out the average length of marriage is eight years. I found out that gray divorce is rising. And a lot of the stats on marriage not being dead were a bit misleading because they keep, they include people that don't have, have not yet got divorced. And I realized that a lot of people want to sell their religion, they want people to convert to their religion, and so they mislead you on the reality of the situation.
Now, there is a silver lining, and I'm going to get to it. I had a tweet detailing, so I interviewed a lot of men that were victims of divorce, grave. And these are men that lost everything in divorce. Wives left, took the kids, took their money, lost their job, like, just complete loss, right? And I found out it was a common pattern that after the second child, a lot of these women stop sleeping with their husbands and get the divorce. The timelines differ. I, I found this consistent amongst Muslim background, Catholic background, Christian, United States, California, Texas, Florida. And I found out that the average marriage, it's just not, it's not a good experience for most men because they don't get anything out of it. And this, this was really hard for me to reconcile because most people I knew were married. But one, it doesn't mean they'll stay married, and two, it doesn't mean that's the average situation. And what I figured out is marriage seems to be going away for the middle class and be something for the upper class, and that's it.
So, um, the other thing I, I realized is most men live on their wife's terms, not theirs. Even Christian women, I found that they would almost be worse quality. And I know, I know the Catholics and Christians hate me for this, but gosh, I, I went, I've been to like five Christian weddings. And every time I, I would ask the wives before they get married, "Will you obey your husband?" It's overwhelmingly no. I'm like, "Isn't that the one job? Isn't that the one thing?" So, you know.
But what I did conclude after this year is that I do think that the only marriage that's left is the purest marriage that you could possibly have. So in the past, women stayed for money. In the past, women stayed because of culture. In the past, women stayed because of religion. Now you're paid to leave. Now your failure rate is well above 50%. They lie to you about these stats, guys. Your, your chance of success is roughly 10%. But the people that make it work, you know, they're there because they love each other, because there's nothing in this society that's keeping people together. So that was my conclusion after a thousand, I'm interviewing a thousand women, and just some lessons that I learned. This is what it is. Happy wife, happy life. The people that, the people that don't want to get married, oh, I understand it. I completely understand. There's no good reason for a guy to do that in 2024. None. The odds are completely stacked against you. The laws are completely stacked against you. The judicial, like everything is completely, completely stacked against you. If you do get married, I would, I would hire a PI. You know, I would get a prenup. I would do all of that. But my conclusion is the couples that make it work and figure it out in this massive environment have the most pure form of marriage that there's ever been. Take it or leave it. You can disagree. That's fine.