Transcription
I used to be a pretty chill person. Stuff would happen and I'd just let it go. But at some point that changed and I didn't even notice it happening. I just started getting irritated by everything and I couldn't even explain why I was on edge all the time. Nothing crazy was happening in my life. I was just angry all the time for no real reason.
So what is anger? You know, most people treat it like a personality thing. Like some people are just angry people and some people aren't. But to me, I see it kind of differently. You know, anger is almost a secondary emotion, meaning something else comes first. You know, uh, usually it's pain or fear or frustration or feeling like you have no control over your life. And the anger is just what kind of sits on top of that. It's easier to feel angry than to feel hopeless. It's easier to get mad at something or someone than to admit you're hurt. So your brain reaches for anger because anger feels like strength, feels like you're doing something when you're really just kind of covering something up.
And this is like a topic that I can really get into because I'm very quick to anger. Um I have no control over that emotion, no control over what I say, what I do, and uh just really everything. And it takes a toll sometimes with people. Uh you know, I should be nicer to people. And like I'm not saying I'm not nice to people, but just really any small thing that happens in my life that isn't really like detriment that isn't like a big deal. Um I get very mad. And so I've always tried to fix it. Like how do I just not get mad at everything? And even when I'm thinking, you know, like I felt like I had no idea what I was doing with my life. Uh I felt behind. And when I felt a lot of these things, you know, I was pretty mad and I would take it out on myself and also other people or random things or, you know, people on the internet. Um, really anything because being angry gave me somewhere to put all that energy.
But, you know, anger isn't really random most times. You know, it's pointing at something. You know, obviously, you know, your brain's way of telling you that something isn't right is just getting mad. But instead of listening to it, most people like me just kind of let it spill out everywhere, either badly on yourself or people who don't deserve it on situations that like don't really matter and then they feel guilty about it and then the guilt adds stress and then stress adds to anger. You know, the whole cycle just keeps going.
But like I said before, one of the reasons I've always just been so angry is because I've always felt stuck, you know, in a way where you wake up and nothing feels like it's moving. Like you're doing the same thing every day and nothing is changing. And that feeling kind of just sits with me and it has nowhere to go. The last 6 years I've felt like really nothing. And from the outside, uh, nothing was really wrong. Uh, I have a job. I have people around me that I trust. Uh, I have fun hobbies. I go out. Uh, I do a lot of things. So, everything seemed good on paper, but inside, you know, I felt this constant lowlevel frustration that I just couldn't shake. My cortisol would just spike every day. Um, you know, I was just kind of waiting for something and it wasn't coming. And because I couldn't explain it, I just blamed everything around me for everything. You know, my job was annoying. The people around me were annoying. Uh, everything was annoying. But the job didn't change. The people didn't change. I was just carrying this thing around and looking for somewhere to put it.
You know, people don't want to be around a angry person. Or maybe you do. Maybe you're just a freak like that. But, you know, I I don't like being around people that are just constantly, you know, I I genuinely don't want to be around a person that is just mad all the time. Just always blaming things that don't matter like how I do. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be around myself if I was just constantly mad in that same mindset every day.
And then there's also like slow burning anger. You know, when you feel like life isn't fair, when you feel like you're working hard and not getting what you deserve, or you know, when you look around and it seems like everyone else has figured something out that you haven't, and it just builds quietly for months, for years sometimes, and it colors everything. And I've talked about this before again uh in older videos that I used to be very, very jealous of the people around me in school. They were very smart. Uh they had very good grades. They knew what they wanted to do and they were happy about it. But I know some things now. I'm not completely stupid. I knew what I wanted to do. Well, not knew what I wanted to do, but I I had an idea. I didn't do it. You I didn't go to college. And so like I never wanted to admit that I was jealous because being jealous, you know, you don't want to tell someone in in a serious way that you're jealous of them because that's like something where people are like, "Okay, what do you want me to do about it?" And so when you're around people 24/7 that are constantly getting achievements, getting awards, and you're not happy for them or for anyone, they're going to be exhausted to look at your face and you just being pissed. And that could be like your best friend.
I just thought about this. Uh I was a big control freak. A lot of people do not like when things don't go our way at a point. Right now, I can understand it more. People can't schedule something for that specific time. People can't this, that, whatever. I'm getting it now. You know, I'm I'm getting older. I'm not becoming a little brat. But it is a big thing in high school. A lot of people are big control freaks. And the reason why is because younger people assume everything kind of revolves around them, including me. I thought everything goes around me. But um you got to you got to learn that that [ __ ] uh is not true because if you think like that all the time when you're older, it is not good. Not good at all.
Like in traffic, I'd be so angry, so mad. And it's small things like, you know, waiting a second at the green light. Someone doesn't go after 1 second of it being on, I will honk the [ __ ] out of my horn. I will start spamming that [ __ ] You know when you go on a stop and you're waiting for that person to go and they're like waving their hand at you at the window like, "You can go. You can go." It's like, "Fuck you, dude. I was waiting for you to go." I I like see like that like that pisses me off. like, "Oh, I'm being a nice person." Like, dude, just go. Like, just go. Like, I was ready in my head to go when you go. Like, don't change it up on me. And then sometimes, sometimes they'll tell you to go. You might take a second cuz you don't notice it. You're like, "Oh, [ __ ] Let me let me go." Then they start moving. They start going, "Stop. What are you doing?" Like, that I think you can have a full reason of getting mad at. Like, that that's so insane to me.
And this goes for everything, you know, being on my phone. Oh, man. I'm an angry person when I'm on my phone. Slow walkers, you know, I can't I can't with slow walkers. When you're walking like a disabled grandma in a hallway and there are hundreds of people that need to get to a place, and if you don't hear my big ass footsteps coming down the hall while you're in the middle walking at half a mile an hour, just know bad things are coming. And the list for me goes on and on and on. And I know people love when, you know, I bring in stuff that are relatable. Um, maybe this is relatable to you. Maybe you're the slow walker. If there are slow walkers watching this video, and it depends on the situation. I get it. Do not meet me in person and start slow walking. Don't do it. I'm just kidding. But um, you know, in a real situation, I'd be pretty pissed.
So, I'm in this state that everything just feels personal, like the universe is just inconveniencing me. Like when someone cuts you off while you're talking and it's like a super disrespectful thing to me and like I take it to heart like I get so mad I don't say nothing but man like just wait like stop. Some people will be like wow but me I I think about killing you. It's bad.
And another thing I got to mention um sleep. I haven't slept uh well I did. I'm lying. But I didn't go to sleep till like I think what I didn't go to sleep till like what 7:00 a.m. My dog just jumped on my bed. Scared the [ __ ] out of me. Oh my god. Um but yeah, I haven't gone to bed for a while. And I'll tell you that is one of the biggest factors that people completely underestimate. When you are sleepd deprived, your brain it's it's in a weird wacky mode. I'll get increasingly more mad at the game than at any other time of the day. So like things that you can normally brush off while I'm sleep deprived. I can't do it. And so imagine imagine me in school just not getting any sleep. I think I was pretty miserable to be around. I'll be honest. I I wasn't, you know, constantly 24/7 mean or mad or angry, but I noticed I was increasingly rude at people, especially my teachers. I felt horrible about it. Um, I I dude I just I just hated school work. I hated it and I was already mad cuz I didn't sleep. But I chose that so got to live with it. So that's why I know for a fact sleep for sure is definitely an issue cuz I'm a jolly guy when I get sleep. I'm so happy. Like if I went to sleep at 900 p.m. and woke up, let's just say 6 or Oh my gosh. 6 or 7 a.m. Um, I'm jolly. I'm so happy. I'm giddy. And I'm I'm making breakfast. Oh my gosh. I I have music playing or a YouTube video and I'm just I'm like, "Oh man, this is great."
You know what happened this morning? Nothing. Nothing happened this morning. I just woke up a little bit ago and it's 100 p.m. So, no, nothing happened. And I'm pretty cranky about it. Pretty mad about it. Um, I was actually, but I decided to make a video and calm down a little bit. But anyway, enough of that. Let's talk about what I've been trying to do to uh not be so mad all the time. And that is quite literally every time I'd get mad, I would think, is it worth it? Is it really worth it? Like genuinely, I'm I'm serious about this, too. Like, I'm not saying this as like a I'm not saying it because it's like, oh, you have to say it because it's so easy. It's like just tell them uh think about it. Think about why they're mad. No, seriously. Like genuinely think about why you were mad. And then at some point you realize, man, like I'm an idiot. What am I What am I doing? That has happened to me so many times. Like I've saved myself so many times from just breaking some part of my setup and I can't because I think about how expensive my setup is because I just bought a new PC so I can't kick it. This keyboard, my girlfriend gave it to me, so I can't slam it. This mouse, my old mouse just broke. And I bought this one for like $80 and I feel stupid for spending that much. And so I can't break it. My monitor is $300. My microphone's like 80. And so the nearest thing is my phone. I I can't break my phone. And then there's a water bottle. It has water so I can't splash it anywhere because I'll have to pick it up. And so I think about it. I'm like, it's just not worth breaking all my stuff. It's not worth it. And so you just have to admit to yourself that what you are angry about, what you're mad about, admit to yourself that it's stupid. It's not like a actual thing to it's not an actual thing you should be reacting to.
The second thing I started doing was physical movement, you know, started working out a little bit. Um, I realized when I played football, uh, I really liked intense training from the weightlifting to team practices. I love team practice. It was great. Now, was I mad doing it? Yeah, I I was pretty mad playing football because you're not supposed to be happy. Let me line up right in front of this 6'2, 300 lb fat lineman that can fold me. I'm pretty happy about it. But it was great because it was after school and I was pissed because my grades kind of sucked and that was like during the middle of high school, but it was great for me. And so after that, when you're inside like a cave dweller, you're kind of just like a like a angry Twitter user or ex, whatever it's called, you're kind of just like that. Again, it's not the only reason I started working out. Uh, you know, I genuinely want to get back into health, but it is something I've noticed, something pretty positive. Uh, and I like it. It It definitely helps. And it doesn't have to be like heavy lifting or anything. It could be on a treadmill, on a walk, you know, cardio, stuff like that.
Another thing that, you know, I started doing, well, started doing, it's more of a mental thing, but started doing because the real source of a lot of my anger was that gap between where I was and where I wanted to be. And like the only way to close that gap is to start moving toward it. So every time I do something or did something, you know, uh, very happy. Not like super happy, but like I was, you know, I felt better about myself. Felt great. Like these videos, you know, doing this video right now, I feel I feel good about myself. I feel happy. No reason I should be mad right now. I'm calm talking. And it can even be like smaller things like cleaning your room, picking it up. That is an amazing feeling. I believe everyone needs to always just keep their room clean. Uh, clean it up, pick it up, whatever you can do. I think that's one of the best things ever. If you're in your room constantly doing stuff, you should have it clean. You should have it not sparkling clean, but like picked up.
And the final thing I want to talk about, and I didn't talk about this earlier, but I just realized it now, and that is always wanting to win arguments. That is always trying to trying to always be right. You can't be proven wrong. You can't, you know, look like you're stupid. And so, one thing in life you have to realize and accept is that you're going to be wrong in a lot of things. And I always say that I know things. I go, "Yeah, I know. I know." Like, "Yeah, that's I'm not an idiot." Like, I know. That's that's easy. Whatever. Um, that could be anything. And that's like if someone's giving me a tip or a heads up for something or whatever, it's like like I know. Like, shut up, dude. Like, I know. And they keep going into it. I I know. I know. I know. And then you get in an argument. And most times, I'll be honest, um, I was not always right. and not always right at all. But I could not accept that. Could not accept that. And that's a big downfall for a lot of people. Huge downfall for a lot of people because that's like the little things and you get mad at that. Imagine the big things, you know, serious situations and you just can't talk to people. You can't communicate normally. It's just not going to work out for you. So, I started to realize that and um I put it into account. you know, I think about it, but um I try and I definitely got better at that, too.
But anyway, I just wanted to rant about this because this is like a topic I can really understand and really relate to. Maybe not a lot of people will relate to me, but I definitely relate to my own topic. I hope you guys are having an amazing day, a great day. I am about to hit 20K subs. I remember a little bit ago saying, "Thank you for 2K subs." I think it was 2K. And that was not long ago. I know it's not going to be like this super steady uh incline, but for the time being, that's awesome. 20K. 20K on the third month of the year. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. But yeah, uh subscribe, please. Even if you didn't like the video, please subscribe. That'd be awesome. Um, I think like 98% of people don't subscribe to my channel, but I'm telling you now, subscribe. But if you want to support the channel and become a Minecraft bee in my world, and I have your name shown at the end of the videos, uh, you can support the channel or if you're extra generous, you can buy me a coffee. Link is in the description. Any amount is amazing and I truly am thankful for the amount of people that have actually sent money. Like, is insane. And yeah, that's really all I wanted to talk about and I'll see you guys pretty soon. Bye.