Transcription
[Music]
The UFC is filled with people who are seemingly mentally disturbed, on the spectrum, or just flat out appear to have been kicked in the head by a horse as a child. So today, we're going to break down the top most autistic spectrum out boys in the UFC. Let's get right into this tier list. This is going to be a fun one today.
All right, Alonzo Menafield is 100% autistic. Look at his eyes. Look at the kind of vacant, death thousand-yard stare he has. Also, take into consideration that Pat Barry speaks to him in a black scent. This isn't because Pat Barry is like some ebonic code-switching swagger ass; he's a freaking Alonzo Menafield is a crazy person. He's a solid A-tier spectrum up black boy, goated with the autism.
We're going to move down to another autist in the UFC, that's Ryan Span. I personally think he's a better B-tier autist because a lot of people think he's so cocky. No, he can't make eye contact with people and wears the sunglasses and stuff because he has social anxiety. He even talks about how he has to go to like a life coach and stuff like that. He straight up has like a home Superman tattoo on his chest, like a homey, like one of his buddies got banged out on Prozac and tattooed a Superman thing on his chest. Okay, you can obviously see why he makes it on the list.
We also got Khail Rountree. Khail Rountree is a bit of a tough one here because he's definitely spectrum a bit, but he's also in a cult. So some of his behavior has to be justified with like the cult, and some of it is though spectrum. And hey, who goes to a cult, right? You got to be somewhere on the spectrum if you're joining like Dominick Cruz's CT or whatever it is. I mean, he's a straight killer though. Respect to Khail Rountree; got some scary, crazy finishes, and I do like his fighting, so whatever. C-tier autist.
Someone who's underratedly autistic is Jared Cannonier. Now, he's just kind of quirky. He's quirked up, you feel me? He loves his pirate crystals and all of his gems and stuff like that and power channeling energy. I think that's cool, but the thing is that Jared goes through like spiritual transitions. There's a very good chance that in like two or three years, he's going to be like an orthodox Greek Christian, growing out his beard, chanting in the hills as he flagellates himself. You know what I mean? Because he used to be like a Jew. I don't even think it was like a Black Hebrew Israelite; I straight up think he was a Jew. He might have been a Black Hebrew Israelite. He's gone through like a whole bunch of different things. He used to be a Christian, obviously before that. It's like every time he switches weight class, we got a different spirituality at Cannonier, which is fine. Everyone's on their personal journey, right? And he's not telling anyone that any of those are the way or anything like that. It's just kind of quirked up and, uh, autistic.
So definitely a D-tier autist though, 'cause he's not like he's fine. All the snorting though, you do got to take into account. It's one thing to have a deviated septum, but you don't need to clear your nose all the freaking time. Like, I get you just had a fight; you're going to want that. It's going to be uncomfortable. Just chill, breathe through your mouth a little bit when you're having interviews. So definitely, you can see why he lands on here.
Matos Gamrat is 100% an A-tier artist if there ever was one. He has to yell in his post-fight interviews. There were like three or four post-fights in a row where he just yells into the mic at the crowd, going like, "I am Mat Gamrat from Poland" or something. He always lists his full name and place of residence. That's aspy, not even trying to insult the guy; it's cool. I like him. He's one of my more favorite fighters. I just like his personality. Obviously, A-tier. Plus, the whole glasses thing. I love when he's got the glasses on and he looks like a complete nerd, but then he's also like choking out Polish journalists like twice in a row. If you watch that clip where he's giving the guillotine on the Polish guy and lifting him up off the ground, he cracks and like farts and stuff. It's disgusting and scary at the same time. He goes back at him again, he's like, and like slapping him and then gets him in another one. Crazy. So obviously an A-tier spectrum out quirked up white boy.
Marvin Vettori is a B-tier artist in my personal opinion. He could be A-tier; he's definitely high B-tier though. I think he has to be the standard of the B-tier up there with the likes of Ryan Span because he is just off on one, putting on clothes backwards, freaking out, raging, talking about Clinton's forehead, the [ __ ] in the forehead and stuff. I like him, but the anger outbursts, the problem dressing himself, the speech difficulties.
All right, Gilbert Burns. He's not too spectrumed out, but he's constantly changing his hair and he thinks he looks best with lesbian hairstyles, right? Like the kind of 80s or 70s style blown-out afro. I know a lot of men did that too, but now it would be traditionally associated with women. You're not really seeing a lot of guys do their hair like that. And then he's doing like the lesbian Brazilian cornrow and wearing like suspenders and stuff, right? He's dressing like Nat Turner, so a C on there.
Jeff Neil just strikes me as like an Asperger's type, right? Because he wears like the bow ties and the thick-rim glasses and kind of like Lars. I don't know, like a what is that, like a presenter or like a circus? I don't know. It's like someone from the 50s, right? Like maybe like a guy who would be announcing a county fair or something or like a principal. I don't know, you know what I mean? He just looks like kind of anyone from the 1950s, plus driving drunk. You got to be on the spectrum a little bit, so we'll throw him in here at the D-tier.
We'll move back up into, I might be a bit spectrumed up white boy because I have to do my tier list in like order. I always run through them in order. I know a lot of people do their tier lists like just random and ad hoc, kind of throwing people in at random places and ranking them off the cuff, but I always do them in order.
Okay, absolutely crazy in the best possible way, spectrumed out Californian thug is Bobby King Green. The king of hearing whispers in his head when he smokes marijuana, rushing poor little heroin addict Jared Gordon and then beating him with follow-up shots and celebrating the W, and then getting kind of upset for a moment when they call it a DQ. I love Bobby Green; he's awesome and totally autistic. A for autistic.
Let's move down to B-tier to Justin Gaethje. Justin Gaethje rubs a lot of people the wrong way. It shows a lack of social skills, a lack of ability to read people's cues, like especially conversational cues. He also like will pose; like he'll just be kind of sitting there looking normal, and then I think he knows he's like, "I kind of look," so he goes and makes himself look more, was like, I don't know, I can't do it. I don't look anything like Gaethje, but yeah. And then he'll like bring up how he has a social work degree, which I think rubs people the wrong way. But then he also worked in a copper mine, shows he's like, again, whatever. Gaethje, I think is a B-tier autist. A lot of people would say he's clout chasing autism. I wouldn't personally say that; I think there's something going on up there.
But someone who is, in my personal opinion, clout chasing a bit of autism is Cory Sandhagen. Cory Sandhagen, 6 foot 4, 240 lb outside of camp, cutting down to Bantomweight, cuts down to 5'1 and 135 lb to fight 'cause he's too scared to fight at his real weight class, which is middleweight anyway. Oh, you're so quirky, you're such a quirked up white boy, growing out your mustache, two guards longer than your beard. You're quirked up. Ooh, hey, go watch the 295 when they pan to Cory Sandhagen in the crowd as well.
Oh, and we've got Cory Sandhagen, the number three ranked. I'll do that DC. Hey yo, hey yo, yo, who this quirked up white boy in the crowd? Oh, that Cory Sandhagen, that bank number three type sh. Cory, I'm gay. What the [ __ ] is he doing? Yeah, 100%. Stop clout chasing, being autistic, and being gay, Cory. Let's pull ourselves together here.
An absolute D-tier spectrumed up Mexican boy would be Brandon Moreno. I am not a fan of his, the way his autism has manifested itself because I think a lot of it is also clout chasing. It's like, "Oh, I play with Legos and I'm 30, and I like, I will ground my ninos if they touch my Star Wars Attack of the Wookies set." What are you doing with your life? Oh, I have 200 Funko Pops. Hey, I love the Funko Pop. Bobby, you like watching? Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. D, 100%.
And we can pull her all the way back up to a Salvador Dan Chad, A-tier autistic mfer, Jonathan Martinez. I'm going to do a little impression here. Jonathan Martinez too, this is how Jonathan Martinez does his interviews. Go watch them; they're hilarious. They're only like 5 minutes too. They're like the shortest interviews of anyone. He's an absolute killer, the leg kick king, the Nurmagomedov Slayer, Dr. Martinez.
What can you tell us about your fight camp? What? Hey, what? Hey, it will be a fight camp. How was it? You know, it's good. [Music]
Normal. So Jonathan, are you a little bit disappointed you didn't get the fight on UFC? No. What? UFC? No. Did you, would you have liked to fight on the card? No, I don't really [Music] care. 30 seconds go by, 30 seconds. So any other questions? No? Okay.
I love Jonathan Martinez; he's an absolute Chad, but A-tier autistic, absolutely. And a B-tier autistic, another guy you got to appreciate is Arnold Allen. We just got a couple niggles. Whoa, stop saying that word. It's seemingly like a rural British thing and an Australian thing. Hey, I know it's fun to say; I know they do it on purpose, which shows pure autism, especially on Arnold Allen's part. Maybe not Volkanovski and some of those guys so much. Volkanovski is like a kind of a Bogan, right?
Arnold Allen also, if you don't know, now you know. He was arrested in his early 20s, well, he was an MMA fighter though, for beating up like 10 people at a Christmas party where people were just as oal loop. What are you doing in Ipswich? Hey, UK, get your together. Why? What does Christmas and Willy Wonka have to do together? What's going on?
Anyway, Arnold Allen just like this guy flew into a rage, I guess, upon seeing a couple Oompa Loompas press his girlfriend and just started whacking him in his arms about beating up. It was mostly women, and then I guess like pursued the club owner through a locked door, like the guy was trying to barricade himself behind a bar. Arnold Allen's a crazy man. The judge even said like, "You're crazy and a threat, like a mad ass to society." Go watch his interviews though; he's like, uh, uh, uh, niggles.
So 100% Arnold Allen, super cool, super funny, B-tier. A C-tier autistic could 100% be Steve Ersig, or he is just a normal Australian. I can't tell. You can lump them all in here, similar to what I was saying about Arnold Allen and Vulk. Let's just use Steve Ersig as the typical, you know, epitome of Australians. He is a C-tier autistic, but he might just be completely normal.
The final D-tier spectrumed up white boy I have to present to you today is Kai Kara-France. Hey, Kai, hey, Kai Kara-France, how's your training? C? Uh, hey, Kai Kara-France, I'm your opponent. Hey, what do you want on your sub? Uh, sub sauce, mayonnaise. How messed in the head your last name is, France, bro. Your last name is France, bro.
Let's not waste any time on Kai Kara-France, and we'll jump to the S-tier most autistic spectrumed out crazy mfer in the UFC, that's Jiri Prochazka. Holy crap, could you get more artistic? Hey, what are you planning on doing in the AL per, and what inspires you? A 500-year-old Japanese called, "I identify as a 5-foot-3 land-holding warrior cast from 500 years ago." Okay, that's interesting. You see my point?
But I like him. He locks himself in rooms and just yells at the walls and stuff, like does like day-long deprivations, like sensory deprivations, just spends a lot of time in the woods. That is pretty Chad. He's got that stoic kind of mentality and stuff, and he's really exciting. Like, I wouldn't want the guy to go anywhere, hence why he's S-tier.
In case you didn't realize, S-tier is the best type of autistic, A-tier obviously best type autistic, B-tier, descend here, descend here. Yeah, let me know what you guys think below. Let me know if you think I missed anyone. I know a lot of people are going to be like, "Hey, why isn't Tony Ferguson on this?" You mentioned people hearing voices, and that's not necessarily autism; that's like schizophrenia, and autism can overlap.
I don't personally think Tony is, first of all, schizophrenic or autistic. I think he's touched by the god or angels or something like that. He's onto something with bringing back witch hunts. Remember, fellas, pretty girls are everywhere; autistic retards are not. We are the prize.
Yeah, if you enjoyed the video, drop a like. If you're new to the channel, subscribe. I post a wide, and I mean wide, the widest possible variety of MMA content of any MMA content creator. If you're not subscribing, you're missing out big time, missing out huge. If you're one of my members, you're definitely autistic, and I'd like to give a big shout out to each and every one of you.
And a special thanks to my lion tier members: Colus, Gordon, Ninja Choke, Mexican Gnome, Clarence, Mike Branigan, Javier, Cobra Kai, Pigger, Patrick, Cal Droid C, John Paul Deoria, Paden TV, Jack Clash, Highcap, Native Wings of Heart Problems, BOS, Gaks, Ry Cola, Bubser, Johnson, and Namey.