Transcription
I'll share this with you, but it's a secret. This is very important wisdom: there is nothing more off-putting than a man who clearly tries to impress and be liked.
Here's a photo, and there he is, in a suit with a string in the back. Here’s the car—disgusting.
If you want to be at the top, it's a super tough secret. I'm talking about being at the very top. You want to be a mentalist? Yes. Why? Because all the greatest people you know who are in charge are those who appear noticeably dismissive.
You open a man's profile on the internet, and you see that he tried hard and knows he looks good in that photo. This is weakness. This feels like weakness.
What's the worst thing a man can do when introducing himself to the world? The first and most important thing is the desire to please. It's impossible to hide. If you sincerely want to please, you will never be influential.
An influential person—not in life as a criminal authority, but influential as a mentalist—comes from the feeling that the logical result of the desire to please is to be liked. That is, "You like me, yes? You like me so much."
And then the blue finale is the culmination of someone liking you. They take possession of Vasya. To be liked by people, it is enough to be strong and independent and to show yourself.
Recently, I watched a 40-second interview with Victor or Vitaly. I don’t know who this person is at all. I read his biography, and I already feel respect for him. I don’t know who he is. He’s a bandit, guilty of a million or ten million deaths of small children. I don’t know that. And even if I find out, it won’t change my impression.
I read the biography of a person, understood what he did, saw how he holds himself, and what he says. I understood that this person has an influence on me. Yes, they made a movie about him—"Auger Raven," that's right, with Nick Cage.
What is it to manifest ourselves? When we are born, we have certain unrealized inclinations, ambitions, desires, aspirations. The same thing applies to charisma. If I had a choice among all Russian functionaries, all these people, to read or listen to one person, it would be someone who does not try to please, who does not try to seem.
This is much more paradoxical, but it is a much more pleasant character to watch than someone trying to seem right.
Second, you shouldn't want to give the impression that you're cool. You should be absolutely indifferent in the end. How you are read anyway—that's what prostitutes do. And you're not a prostitute.
Next, don’t try to occupy all the space and amplitude all the time. This is a very common mistake. A person wants to make an impression; he thinks he needs to be louder, speak more often, show himself more often, take up all the time, take up space.
Influence is not created at the moment of your presence, but in the moments of your absence—in all senses. Absence here means in a conversation, in a speech, and absence in general.
You were here, and now you disappeared. You were gone; you are not heard, you are not seen for a month, six months, a year, a year and a half. That’s when it happens.
It’s the same way muscles grow—not during training, but in the time of sleep, resting after training. A mobilized state is also a sign of not strength.
If you are ready to react, you are here, as if you are tense, sitting on pins and needles, ready to burst. What is this? This is not a sign of strength.
Strength is the state of a person who has everything under control. If you have everything under control, it means there are no force majeures. You have nothing to be with.
Don’t confuse the mobilized state with focus and presence in the moment. If you want, I will give you a vivid example of being mobilized.
We need to sit here and look at internet debates and use them as examples. I will say this: being focused is the basic line of behavior of Donald Trump.
This is a person of a very high level in many parameters. He does not hesitate. There’s a moment where a journalist asks him something, and he says, “Yes, say.” She somehow shrank because she pointed a finger too sharply.
He says she was embarrassed. This happens; it’s nothing terrible. He says, “I don’t think about that.” Find this video. The speed with which Trump responds is beyond my life—such a speed of reaction.
He answers, “Yes, of course, I know that you don’t think.”
All this is a dressing down. This is focus and being mobilized.
This is Conor McGregor. As was correctly noted at the press conference against Khabib, he is not in the moment.
What is being mobilized? It is being ahead of the moment. When you watch this press conference with Khabib, you come out feeling morally drained. It is heavy, stuffy, not cheerful, not funny, not entertaining.
So do not confuse being mobilized. You don’t need to get ahead of the moment; you don’t need to sit in such tension.
High testosterone levels always bring a slight laziness, light languor, and light relaxation.
An example to follow is just a relaxed and spent lion. Look at a lion who drank two cups of strong black tea.
Your basic line of behavior should be to stick to this: it is much more important to be relaxed and languid than to be tense.
First, be relaxed and languid, and then be in the moment.
If you want to learn to really make an impression, you must learn to completely control your face, your hands, and your legs.
That’s my self-control. I can show it; I can go without blinking for a minute, five, ten, fifteen. I’ve never tried not to blink for more than forty minutes, but I suspect I can do it until there’s a real health crisis.
When you’re communicating with a person, when you’re having a public conversation, if you don’t control your arms, legs, and face, you’re not serious.
It’s like fighting with a person and not keeping your hands up.
What is control? It means not making senseless and unconscious movements.
One person came to me for coaching, and he did not give a public speech. I watched him, and I immediately paused.
He came out on stage, raised the microphone to his face, opened his mouth to speak, and took a step back. I turned around and said, “Why did you just go on stage? You brought the microphone to your mouth, and starting to speak, you take a step back from people.”
That’s what unconscious actions are. Almost everything is over—arms and legs, the same with the mouth and nose.
You need to know the gestures of insecurity. How to control your behavior is very simple; the frontal lobes do it.
As I already told you, I gave an example of how to develop the ability not to blink from blows.
That’s exactly how it’s done: teach yourself to control your behavior in ordinary, everyday, frivolous conversations.
Learn to control yourself all the time. Be aware of what your posture is like, what your face looks like now—is it tense, is it relaxed?
If you learn to do this, you will stand out from everyone else. You will become a superman.
Someone even saw from my subscribers when I had an analysis of my own fights. I have a few fights in good quality.
In one fight, you can see right on camera the face I approach the opponent with. I look right through him.
This is a completely different thing. Most people in a stressful situation completely lose control of their micromotor skills.
It’s easy for me to say I’m a psychopath, but you can learn this too.
Regarding confidence, I work out in the same gym with Usik. As soon as he comes in, confidence flows like a river.
He jokes, sings songs, and interacts without any tension with everyone. Many people are tense; they want to stand out. Usik does not try at all.
This is auto-identity. He just does what he wants. He would do the same even if he were not the world heavyweight champion in the three main versions.
That is the point: to be yourself is to be spontaneous.
That’s how you behave. If you don’t control your fine motor skills, you get enough sleep in three situations.
How you feel is not a secret for anyone; you can’t hide it.
If you are not a professional liar or if there were no beaten around you, it’s impossible to hide.
Have you ever thought about why there are many people who look like Apollos descended from Greek sculptures, but no one listens to them?
You open a person’s Instagram; there’s a body—the ultimate form of aesthetics. They have 200 subscribers, two grandmothers, three dogs, and 50 bots.
How so? You open there a bunch of people who are much more mediocre in form, yet they have hundreds of millions of subscribers.
How so? This is the power of influence, the power of charisma.