Transcription
How to never get attached to a woman ever again.
I'm going to talk about some very deep fundamental truths in this video that go well beyond dating. This isn't just a dating video, and some of these principles that I'm going to share can take you a decade to embody, especially if you don't have any kind of coach or any kind of mentor and you're doing this deep inner work on your own. It's going to take time, so be patient with yourself.
My goal with this video is just to get you a few steps closer to the embodiment of some of these principles, and as a byproduct, naturally, you will just become less needy when it comes to women. Honestly, not just women, but people in general. Circumstances in life will just be a bit smoother once you can really digest these principles and apply them.
Most of us men, if we're being honest with ourselves, have a very deep need and desire to be validated by the feminine. It's almost like we were born with this built-in void, and no one ever came along and told us how to deal with that. So let's dive into it.
The first principle that I want to discuss took me a really long time—decades—to understand because they don't teach you this in school. The world doesn't teach you this through romance movies and all that stuff. That is that attachment and love are not the same thing.
Maybe you've heard that quote before that there is a very fine line between love and hate. I used to hear that as a kid growing up, and it really bothered me. I didn't understand how there could be two people who were just crazy about each other.
I've been through different relationships. I've been married, I've been divorced, I've been through the whole cycle several times throughout my life. Almost always, either one or both parties, when the relationship isn't working out or it's coming to a close, start to have this hatred for each other.
Your ego wants them to regret either their decision of ending the relationship. Your ego doesn't want to see them succeed. You want their future relationships to suck. There's this egoic desire to see the other person suffer.
I have news for you: that means that the relationship was never love; it was strictly egoic attachment. This isn't to judge anybody because this really is how like 90% of the world works. Nobody questions it. They get used to so-called loving someone and then, within a period of time, hating that very same person.
So real love, if I had to explain it, it's hard to explain because until you actually experience it within yourself, anything that I talk about isn't the truth of love. It's just maybe trying to point to it. But love, essentially, is God.
I know that sounds very woo-woo and mystical, but I'm 37 years old, and the longer that I've lived my life, I've had these very deep, profound moments in solitude where I have felt this deep love.
The reason why we get addicted to romantic relationships is that there are moments and glimpses where you're using the other person as a key to unlock the love that is already within you. So if you're with a beautiful woman and she's crazy about you and you're crazy about her, and you're just in this epic, expansive moment, it's like, "Oh my God, I love this person so much."
What you are actually feeling is the intrinsic essence of who you are. There's a moment in this relationship where you feel connected to this other person, and you're getting a glimpse of that. People don't know this.
So the moment a relationship ends, it's, "Oh my God, in order to feel that feeling again, I have to have another person as soon as possible, or I'm just going to sit here and suffer in my lack of love."
I don't want you to take my word for this. As you go down a potentially more spiritual path or you do inner work and you get curious about the Divine, then you will have glimpses of this.
I've had moments where, you know, in meditation or just sitting in my living room, the sun is shining through a specific way, and I'm so overwhelmed with that feeling of love that I start tearing up. It's just like tears of joy and contentment.
At the end of the day, that's what all you are looking for. That's why you're chasing all these beautiful women. That's why you're chasing the money and the status and the success. I get it; we all have to go through a season of that.
I've been through that too, you know, but there are varying degrees. We all have levels of ego and karma and things, and just honor where you're at.
I just want to make you aware of this principle right now. Regardless of where you're at, regardless of if you can take action right now and apply these things and do deep inner work, just have the knowing that at some point in the future, your soul is going to get tired of all this stuff and is going to want to go deeper.
That could be in this lifetime or it could be the next lifetime, so either way, it's cool.
The second concept or principle is the idea that every single one of us men, especially us men who are front-facing masculine men, need to learn how to integrate the feminine within us.
Women have the opposite problem, especially really feminine women. You'll notice that they have trouble being assertive. The truly feminine women who know how to be submissive in a good way—okay, when people hear that word, I'm not saying women are inferior.
I just mean a woman who's truly in her feminine and is open and trusting is able to be in her feminine more of like a receiving kind of energy. Just like our physiology, right? It's like women have a vagina; dudes have, you know, just you do the math.
It's a physical representation of the energetic qualities of masculine and feminine. They go hand in hand. But a lot of feminine women have to learn how to integrate their inner masculine. Otherwise, people might walk all over them. They might not know how to be assertive or how to speak up.
Us men, especially the masculine men, need to learn how to get in touch with our heart. We need to learn how to sit with our feelings in solitude, feel it to heal it. That's how that works.
We need to be comfortable with shedding tears and feeling this deep emotion. A lot of men have decades of buried emotions that they haven't allowed themselves to feel. You've got this wounded inner child inside of you who just needs to cry and needs to let these things out.
That's just one aspect of integrating the feminine. I can make an entire video or series on this concept alone, but again, I just want to bring another principle to your awareness.
The neediness with women comes from the lack of inner integrated feminine. You're starving for feminine energy. You feel a lack of that nurturing feeling. You don't feel fully safe or comforted.
You can literally become that for yourself, of course, to an extent. Obviously, relationships are here; they're meant for us to experience, and they're really beautiful. But you need to get to a point where you do not need a relationship or romantic connection to feel complete within yourself.
When you get to that point, then attachment as a whole becomes way less of an issue. You'll find yourself saying things to your girlfriend or wife or whoever you're dating, things like, "Hey, I love you, but my love for you transcends whether or not this relationship works out."
Whether or not the container of this relationship is ongoing or comes to an end, regardless of what the reason is, I care about you. I care about the evolution of your soul. I care about the person that you're becoming. I care about all of it.
When you're coming from that place, dude, that right there—oh my goodness—that is actual love. You will enjoy the relationship as a whole because you won't be in that energy of attachment.
They call them attachment styles, right? Secure attachment, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style. Historically, I call them attachment wounds or wounding styles.
That's not to completely dismiss all the other relationship groundwork and coaches. Those ideas of attachment styles can be helpful, but it's not all there is to it. From another angle, attachment styles really are just attachment wounds.
So start exploring that within yourself. Be like, "Why am I attached to begin with? Can I be okay with myself?" That's when relationships get really awesome, really enjoyable.
It's just this mutual growth between both you and the girl that you're dating. Let me know if this is landing for you. Let me know if you have any comments so far.
If you've made it this far in the video, then comment something random in the comments so I know that you made it this far because I really appreciate you, and I want to acknowledge you.
The third and final principle I want to talk about is just that apologies for my awesome handwriting—it was never meant to complete you.
What's that movie with Tom Cruise where he's like, "You complete me"? No, no. Relationships were never meant to complete you. They were just meant to complement your life and bring you to that place of mutual growth.
In most cases, you know, most relationships do end at some point. I know that's sad; that doesn't sound sexy or romantic, but it's true. Most relationships do end.
That doesn't mean go into the relationship like, "Oh, most relationships end, so I'm not going to give 100%." Give 100%. But when you know that most relationships do end at some point, it becomes less about how do I keep this relationship going and more about how can I approach this relationship in a way where both of us will potentially leave the relationship better than we found it.
That takes the understanding of love, and you're not going to know how to love other people until you learn to love yourself.
When you can look at a girl and be like, "Man, how do I leave this girl better than I found her?" potentially, and this isn't meant to be negative again, give 100% to relationships.
But this will keep it to where you hold it more loosely. You're not just grasping to keep it going forever at any cost. The magic of it is when there are two people who are complete within themselves—ideally, they've both done inner work, they've done spiritual work—and then they energetically are attracted to each other.
They find each other, and at that point, it's two whole and complete people coming together, having this badass, awesome relationship. That's the kind of relationship that you would want to have potentially for the rest of your life.
But a lot of times, when people get married, for instance, they do it out of fear of being alone. That's what I did when I was young. They do it because of pressure. They do it because of societal norms and what all their friends are doing.
It's just the worst reason to have a lifelong commitment to somebody. Then children get involved, and then you have this foundation that's built on sand. I do not want that to be you.
So going into a relationship, just remember—you can even use it as a mantra—this was never meant to complete me.
So a little tiny illustration here: say this is you, okay? And he's not smiling because he is not complete within himself yet. All these little red dots are women—beautiful women.
Okay, and so I shouldn't have drawn that there. Let me actually get rid of that real quick.
So there we go. He's got this little void inside of him, right? Because of that, you know, he's desperately going to look max. Okay, he's going to get his charisma right. He's going to do all these cool things, and then he lands himself a hot girlfriend.
He did it! Our guy did it. I don't know his name; we'll call him Frank. Frank did it. He got a girlfriend.
Okay, here we go. This is a smiley face, but it's a smiley face of gratification, not of happiness. So he's got his gratification smile. You know, he's got his girlfriend. Things are going well.
Six months go by, a year goes by, and the relationship starts to dissolve. Okay, he's not able to keep up the persona of being this charismatic guy. Or maybe she does something—maybe she's got her own wounds, and so she cheats on him because she herself doesn't know who she is, and she's not whole and complete.
So an attractive guy hits on her, and she gives in, and she cheats for whatever reason. Okay, the relationship ends. Now, you know, he's back to square one. He still has that void inside of him.
Instead of just going within, examining that void, asking himself, "Man, why do I need to have this external feminine energy in order to be at peace, in order to be okay? What's going on here? What is the meaning of this? Who am I?"
Asking these deeper self-inquiry questions, maybe doing some spiritual work, maybe meditating, maybe taking walks in nature, being alone with himself, maybe doing some psychedelics with intention and purpose—no, he immediately finds another girl.
He hops on dating apps, or he starts cold approaching, whatever it is. I get it; I've been there. Okay?
This just goes on and on and on for a lot of people, for most of their lives. It's just this endless cycle. Some of us either get to a place of suffering and we're just like, "What am I doing here? Why am I not okay?"
Or we just repeat this cycle until we die—70, 80 years of life that we have here. What this guy doesn't understand is that within him this entire time was hidden this feminine energy, and he completely lost touch with it.
He buried it, he buried it, he buried it. But this can expand. You can have a deeper and deeper connection to this.
In a lot of, you know, religions, I want to say Hinduism, right? They talk about the heart chakra. When your heart chakra opens up and you're actually able to connect with your heart, connect with love, connect with your feminine energy, your relationships change.
You become very different, and you're no longer going to be dating girls who are super wounded. You know, we're jumping from attachment relationship to attachment relationship.
But this is where it's at. I'm telling you, like, relationships become a lot of fun. There isn't that fear of, "I have to keep her."
Naturally, all the gamey stuff they talk about, you know, a lot of relationship coaches are like, "Oh, don't text her too much, don't do this, don't do that." You naturally become that guy anyway because you're complete within yourself.
You have a purpose; you have a mission that is rooted in love, but you're still open to romantic relationships. You know, but your qualification process will be very different.
It won't just be, "Okay, she's hot, awesome, I'm in." It'll be more like, "Okay, what are her values? How does she view the world? Has she connected with her own feminine energy? You know, has she integrated that?"
Because if a woman is coming from the wounded feminine, that's where you get into girls that just jump from guy to guy. It's like, "Oh, he's strong and rich; I'll go to him. Oh, he disappointed me. Oh, he's strong and rich and handsome; I'll go to him."
That's just a byproduct of wounds. Wounded people dating wounded people, jumping from attachment to attachment, can cause a lot of suffering, dude.
When you break out of this, it feels very expansive, like you can breathe, like you're okay with yourself. You see a beautiful woman, cold approach her, do that. You know, hop on dating apps, but your standards will be a lot higher.
You won't be desperate anymore for feminine energy because you found it within yourself. There are many practices and modalities to do this deeper spiritual work so that you become this guy.
It can take years; it can take decades of finding the practices that work for you. If this resonates with you and you're looking for a coach or mentor, then fill out the form below. We'll see if we're a good fit, and I could potentially help you navigate these things.
My goal would be to teach you how to fish, not give you a fish. We find the right spiritual practices, modalities that can help you get to that point or at least remain on that path of integrating what you need to integrate to get out of this damn cycle of attachment, man.
To stop identifying so much with an attachment style, because it's like anxious attachment style: "I'm afraid you're not going to love me." Avoidant attachment style: "I'm afraid you're going to reject me, so I'm going to reject myself first. That way, you can't reject me."
It's a different kind of feeling, but at least I'm still in power. I guess secure attachment is learning how to navigate those two polarities.
But my whole thing is getting rid of attachment altogether, transmuting that into love. Of course, the container of the relationship can end if somebody betrays you or cheats on you. You can end it, but you don't have to do it with that egoic hatred.
You can be like, "All right, I'm going to go my way, you go your way. I was complete this whole time, and so I'm now still complete, and I want the best for you. I love you."
Then you go your separate ways. That's the end of it.
Once again, this is a very, very nuanced topic. This can't really be totally articulated in a single video. If you have any questions, put it in the comments.
I appreciate you for making it this far. You are loved, you matter, and you have barely scratched the surface of what you're capable of. I'll talk to you soon.