Transcription
[Music] I am a dog, a dog that's incredibly bright. I can talk, read, and write, and surf the net all day and all of the night.
"Cornel, you can talk and much more, Bernie, but keep it to yourself. If we let the cat out of the bag, you'd be a celebrity. If you want to lead a dog's life, the secret's going to stay with you and me. Watch my chops. Shush, Dook said, watch my— they must never hear a word."
[Music]
"Talking? How absurd! I don't think I can resist. Cornel, man, these cookies smell good."
"Now, now, Bernie, we picked up those cookies for Beth. Don't be such a killjoy. Beth won't even notice one missing."
"Delicious! Maybe just one more."
"Bernie, give me those cookies right now!"
"Come and get them! The chocolate is so creamy; the taste is just unforgettable."
[Music]
"Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!"
"Sorry! Oh, so sorry! So sorry! Oh, Bernie! Bernie, wake up!"
"Stay calm, Cornel, stay calm! Help! Oh, what am I saying?"
[Music]
"At last, he's coming around. Bernie, you had us all worried."
"Yuck! That's disgusting! Get off of me!"
"Now, now, Bernie, Cornel was the one who came and got help for you. He's a real hero."
"Mom?"
"Uh, Bernie, I'm not your mother. I'm Beth, Cornel's mistress. Don't you remember?"
"Oh yeah, sure, Dad."
"Bernie, I'm John, Beth's husband, Cornel's master."
"Uncle Rico is—"
"Well, well, he's your uncle, and you're Cornel's dog sitter. Don't you remember?"
"Oh yeah, Uncle Rico, I remember now. Try and get some rest; we'll be right outside."
"Bernie, at last! I've been telling you, help! It's a talking dog! Somebody help me!"
"It appears that Bernie has suffered some kind of memory loss. It's probably temporary, and after all, he's already remembered that you're his uncle. He's well on the road to recovery."
"Uh, doctor, come quick! There's a talking dog in my room!"
"That's him! That's the one! I'm telling you, that dog was talking to me!"
"I'd say he missed his exit on that road to recovery. I wouldn't worry; he's still in shock. This talking dog business is simply a hallucination. He'll get over it soon. It might help to leave your dog here with Bernie since he's so familiar with Cornel. It may trigger some memories."
"Bernie, once and for all, I am not a hallucination!"
"Yes, you are! I mean, you didn't just say that! I mean—ah! No, not talking back to a hallucination! Got to get better! Not listening! Got to get better!"
"Bernie, watch my chops! I can talk! You've forgotten, that's all!"
"I'm sorry, but I think I'd remember a talking dog."
"This isn't happening! You're a hallucination!"
"I'm not a hallucination, Bernie! I'm your friendly neighborhood talking dog! You've just lost your memory of it."
"What about Uncle Rico and John and Beth? Did they lose their memories too?"
"Bernie, the others don't know. It's our little secret. Remember, you're the only one who knows of my talents—or should I say, new talents?"
"You mean there's more besides talking?"
"Mhm."
"Oh, you can ride too? Say, this is getting cool! Look at this, Uncle Rico!"
"Very nice!"
"B, I didn't know you were so gifted!"
"That's just it, Uncle Rico! I didn't write it; he did!"
"Sure, sure he did. Listen, Bernie, the doctor said you should rest. I think Cornel should go home now to do a little more writing."
"Where's that doctor? This road to recovery is more like a parking lot! No one believes me, but I swear that dog can talk! They ought to be calling the media! This will make history! Proof! I need proof! Now I'll be known forever as Bernie Bares, the guy who discovered the world's first talking dog!"
"Prescription for patient Bernie: barges early release from the hospital so that he remembers his everyday life as soon as possible."
"Oh, if Bernie doesn't get his memory back, he's going to reveal my secret, and then it's curtains! I'll be finished!"
"Membrane, memory here, memory there! There are several kinds of memory: visual memory, oral memory, olfactory, and gustative memory."
"Interesting! By calling upon one of these senses—what were they? Sight, hearing, smell, and taste—I might have a chance of triggering Bernie's memory. Now, let's see. Oral is out; Bernie doesn't even remember the sound of my voice. That would leave—"
[Music]
"The doctor tells us she's going to release you this evening. Cornel is going to stay with you now, and we'll be back later."
"What's that stink?"
"Oh, it's not a stink; it's my scent! I applied a bit more than usual to awaken your olfactory memory."
"My what?"
"Olfactory! Your memory of smells, if you will."
"Oh, never mind! We'll have to try jogging your visual memory now. Concentrate on these images, Bernie. Here's when we went to the opera to hear Diva Car and Papar, and here we're doing a parachute jump from the top of the building. Don't you remember?"
"Wait, let me—of course! That's it! We went to the carnival!"
"Eureka! Yes, you remember! And you also remember that I'm able to talk, don't you?"
"Bernie, I'm sorry, what was that last bit?"
"That I can talk!"
"Uh, yeah, but just so I'm clear, you're a dog?"
"Yes, of course! A dog that can talk!"
"Yes, yes! I suddenly feel so much better!"
"Better? I'm glad for you!"
[Music]
"Bernie, are you sure your memory's returned?"
"Yeah, sure! No worries! Show me what you can do again!"
[Music]
"What about the time you went on that cruise and you had to dive in and save me when I fell overboard?"
"Yeah, that was wild! And the water was crawling with sharks!"
"Bernie, no, no! They weren't sharks; they were piranhas!"
"Bernie, barracudas! We've never been on a cruise!"
"Bernie, really, it doesn't matter anyway, 'cause I'm going to pay for a fantastic cruise thanks to the talking dog!"
"What do you mean?"
"You recorded me! Surprise! And I'm going to play the cassette to John and Beth, and then hello, evening news! And then hello, animal research lab!"
"Oh, Bernie, you can't! You mustn't!"
"Are you kidding? I'm going to be famous!"
"Bernie, listen to me! Think of the good times we've had! Try to remember the bliss of your dog-sitting days!"
"Yeah, right!"
"Bernie, you will only do this over my dead body!"
"John and Beth! John and Beth! John and Beth! John and Beth! John and Beth! John and Beth!"
"Ah, here we are!"
[Music]
"Hey, everybody! I'm cured!"
"Well done! Wonderful! You seem to be in wonderful shape, and I've got some great news!"
"Yes, very big news! Are there little green men on the planet Mars?"
"No, even better!"
"Can pigs fly?"
"You're getting warmer, but that's not it! Do you give in?"
"Okay, what?"
"Touch my lips! I'm going to tell you a big secret: Cornel wants you to have a cookie!"
"Isn't he just amazing?"
"More amazing than you even know, Bernie! Give me those cookies right now!"
"Come and get them! The chocolate is so creamy; the taste is unforgettable! The cookies—unforgettable!"
"Bernie, Bernie, what was your big news?"
"Dear news? Uh, I forgot! I mean, it's not that I don't remember! I sure love these cookies!"
"Come on, Cornel! Cornel, you're a genius! How did you know I'd get my memory back by eating cookies?"
"I'm only sorry I didn't realize it sooner! Knowing you, Bernie, of course your keenest sense will be your gustative memory!"
"My disgusting what?"
"Oh, that's—"
[Music]
"Oh!"