Transcription
[Music] welcome back challengers. today i want to talk about something you guys have been asking for, and i've been thinking about, like, really, the whole world's been thinking about meghan markle and prince harry's relationship. i'm not just like, "oh, they're in love, they can have a baby, cool." i want to get to the root of their relationship. i want to talk about how this girl managed to seduce a prince. i want to talk about what weird dynamics are at play. how princess diana's death has affected harry. what's going to happen to the monarchy? there's so much to unpack here because harry and meghan are two actually very, very strong and distinct personalities. and more than all of that, i want to talk about the lessons that you can learn from their relationship and take into your own life. right? so, bad.
so first of all, just want to let you guys know that if you want to talk to me privately, if you want to talk about harry and megan privately, or your own prince charming and how to snag him, find me on the instant go app. my username is shaolinxo and click chat to get connected right away. don't schedule an appointment, it's not a functionality that's enabled, doesn't make any sense. just use the chat. and be sure to follow me on social media, shaolinxo on twitter, snapchat, and instagram for updates and pep talks and videos and all sorts of stuff.
all right, harry and megan. so i've said this in other videos, but if you're new here, welcome. and what i do for a living, i'm an editor at a celebrity weekly magazine. so i get a lot of insider information about celebrities and couples and certainly the palace. like, that is a huge thing with our readers. they love harry and megan. so we focused a lot of content on them. and when those two first got together, i was, of course, heartbroken for myself, you know, because i love prince harry. i think he's so dreamy. even though i feel like he's maybe on the, the opposite side of the dreaminess slope, like there was a peak and now, you know, but he's still, i just love him. i just love him and william. and so when he got together with megan, i was like, but, you know, they seemed to make sense. and i liked her because she was so atypical. i hated his ex-girlfriends, cressida and like chelsea. they were just so like, snooty, british, weak-chinned, flat-assed, basic white chicks, you know. there's anything wrong with that, but nothing so great about it either. and so i was really excited. i was like, whoa, he's like totally thinking outside of like, the norm for the monarchy. megan is divorced, she's mixed race, she's american, she's an actress. and i really liked her because she seemed really focused on philanthropy. and like, i love a celebrity until i realized they don't do any charity work. like, i love the kardashians, but those [ __ ] do not do one terrible thing. and it makes me want to throw them off a cliff. they could eradicate a disease if they had their social media followers do like, one dollar, one dollar donation. they could do another ice bucket challenge. but that's not what we're here to talk about. no, we're here to talk about why we're annoyed with meghan markle.
so as their relationship progressed, my feelings went from, "oh," to, "hmm," to, "to now, i met that [ __ ]." and all of this kind of culminated with her recent baby shower in new york city. i live in new york city. i know how hard and how easy it is to escape the paparazzi because we employ the paparazzi. like, we know where to go, where to look. and paparazzi don't just sit outside hotels. they sit outside the bowery hotel. i'll give you that because that's like where celebrities always stay. and celebrities, if they want their privacy, don't stay at the bowery hotel, right? megan called the paparazzi, called everyone, told every brand that she worked, the florist, the caterers, the this, that. yes, tell everybody that we're here. she wanted a spectacle. we're gonna get to that later, but keep that in mind throughout this whole thing.
so at the beginning of a relationship, yeah, i was like, "oh, that's kind of cute, whatever." and i started to really have my doubts when they did their first interview together. because it's like, at the time, i couldn't put my finger on it, but now i can. she seemed so excited to be doing that interview, but she seemed excited that people were talking to her, not that she was talking about harry, you know what i mean? she was excited about the attention. she wasn't excited, it was outward-facing excitement. it wasn't like, "facing my husband" excitement. and i think we've all known brides like that. it's like, "i have a bride, i'm gonna be a bride." it's like, "well, you're you're gonna be mrs. jones." like, "yeah, okay, but a bride, you know?" it's more about them and their attention, their moment, the spotlight. like, who they're marrying is actually kind of a second thought, you know? they want that specialness. and the husband oftentimes is just kind of like a role that they've slaughtered. it's like a role that they've cast. like, "you'll do, that's fine. i just want to be a wife, i want to be a mom, i want to be a bride, i want to be special, whatever." so i kind of got shades of that from megan's interview. and also, she was talking over him, she was answering for him, she was definitely in the driver's seat of that. it was very accuracy. because i remember when william and kate got married, and they did their first interview together, and it was, they were so cute. like, you could really see shades of the dynamic between them. like, they were kind of like teasing each other and like looking at each other. and i remember when the interviewer was like, "oh, kate, we always heard that you had like a picture of will on your bedroom wall when you're growing up." she's like, "no, sorry." like, it was just so real and so cute. and with megan and harry, it just felt very theatrical. like, and that was coming from her. and he, meanwhile, seemed mesmerized by her. and i was like, "okay, now that time has gone on, i can see so clearly how she seduced prince harry. it's so clear. it's so obvious."
to seduce anyone, the key to seduction is this: you have to look for their shadow self and validate it. what am i saying? every single person has a shadow self. that's kind of what i call it. a shadow self is like the you that other people don't see, don't recognize, or don't validate, you know? either it's like, say you work on wall street, you know, you got this big banker guy. and in his heart, he's like, "creative. one of my good guy [ __ ] boys." like, i wanted, like, broke my heart. like, he was in love with me for so long because, like, he was a big, like, wall street dude, but he was really, he really wanted to work in fashion. and that just was not something you said. everyone called him gay, called him a [ __ ], whatever. and like, i mean, he wasn't gay. not there's anything wrong with it. i mean, there is if you're dating a woman, there is. but, you know, like, obviously. but, like, he didn't feel like he could, like, say that in his circles. and so i would be like, "let's do, let's go to a fashion show. let's do this. why don't you apply to do finance at zac posen and blah blah?" and he, he felt very seen. he felt like someone saw the real him, or a dimension of him that he wasn't allowed to show to the world. and they validated it. he showed his, like, weak, soft, little underbelly. and i gave it a nice pet instead of a poke.
so that is the key to seduction: the shadow self. we all have a shadow self, and everyone else does too. and it's hard. it's not the kind of thing you can get to just like, date number one. it really takes some, some looking. and more than anything, it takes neutrality on your part. if you are like, super crushing on someone, it's gonna be really hard for you to, to see their shadow self because all you can think of is getting them to like you, you know? like, you're so caught up in your own feelings, you can't take that step back and evaluate someone neutrally. be like, "all right, here's their weak spot. i'm gonna press, like, in a good way, you know? i'm gonna hone in on that, and i'm gonna own that little piece of, like, vulnerable real estate."
and here's how you deduce someone's shadow self. what i think, and what i found, is very helpful is asking someone what compliments they've gotten that have meant the most to them. and you might have to ask this a few different times because, off the top of their head, people are probably going to say things that validate their their non-shadow self, their, like, sunny self, i guess you could call it, their in-the-light self. it's like, "oh, you know, that i'm good at my job, that i'm a good dad, that i'm a good blah blah." you gotta dig a little bit deeper, a little bit deeper. and you're gonna have to come up with ways based on who your target is, like, to ask these questions in a way that feels natural so you get to the root of it. for example, my shadow self is someone who's very sensitive with a big heart. that's one of my, you know, people have many shadow selves, but that's one of them. and that kind of sounds stupid, but look at the life that i live. i have a big fancy glittery life, you know, i'm like this badass, i'm an editor, and i live in new york city, and i don't get it my way, and high heels and champagne and enjoy them, destroy them. it's a very like, cutthroat badass life i live, and i like it. so it's hard for people to look at me and see that i'm sweet on the inside, you know? i'm like a crunchy exterior and i'm a big [ __ ] softy under it. and i remember that my boyfriend, like years ago, this guy i was dating, i was, i had like mentioned offhand that like i'd been giving out sandwiches to the homeless or something. and when he introduced me to somebody, like, one of his best friends, he's like, "shaolin has the biggest heart." i was like, "it's like, what? what? what did you say?" like, i had to have him repeat it because it meant that much to me. because, and again, i felt so seen. i'm like, "oh my god, thank you." because at the time, i was like, i was literally writing for gossip girl. i was gossip girl. like, so for someone to see that side of me and see through, like, my exterior was very, very important. and i feel super hot in love with him. and that's part of the reason you want to hang on to someone who sees you.
here's a concept i came up with because we have seen this in our own relationships, we've seen this in our friends. one of my best friends, she's involved with a guy who is not good for a variety of reasons. his other girlfriend could have something to do with that. so, and i'm like, "you have to get away from him." she's like, "but he likes all the weird parts of me that i feel like nobody likes." first of all, like, i was like, "i know you, you're not that weird. i'm like, a billion times weirder, and i feel completely lovable." and then i realized, we are the book, and we are looking for a reader. what does that mean? when we have someone who sees our shadow self and sees us, they are the reader, and we are the book. and we become fixated on being read. i really want that concept to sink in for you guys because i've, i've wanted to do a video on this for so long, and i didn't really know how to, like, say that, like, what kind of title is that? be the, you're the book, not the reader. but think about it. when you think, think about your favorite book. for me, it's the great gatsby. i don't want to talk to the first person who ever read it. i don't give a [ __ ]. i want to talk to the person who wrote it. i want to read the book. i don't want to talk to the reader. i want to talk to the book. the book is the thing of value. my friend with her weird parts is the thing of value. prince harry is a thing of value. i am the thing of value. and so we latch on to the reader that it's given life to the book. now, there's no longer a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear it. there is someone to witness, to read the masterpiece of my book. does that make sense? i hope so. i hope i'm articulating this well because it sounded great in my mind, and now that i'm saying it, i feel like i'm kind of like having a stroke and it's not making any sense.
so how does this tie into megan and harry? right, let's get back there. harry's shadow self, harry's book, is that he has always been kind of the black sheep of this family. and no matter what he did, he was never going to outshine will. will was taller, he was hotter for like, a really long time. what was hot? i used to have a framed picture of him on my bed before he lost all his hair. he's like a military star, everyone in the military, he did all this charity work. harry did charity work, he married a perfect girl, harry went through a bunch of like, british chicks, and still wasn't satisfied. so harry always felt like he was living in the shadow, like he was second class. also, probably didn't help that there have been rumors forever that harry isn't prince charles's son. i personally don't believe he is. i think he's like, diana's butler's son, like, or bodyguard. like, if you google it, like, there's a dude out there who's like, "oh [ __ ], that's that's princess dad." it's not charles. charles has such strong features, you know, those floppy features. and i don't just, i don't see that in harry. but so even if he is, even if he is 100% charles's son, can you imagine growing up with the world saying that you're not? and then your mom isn't there? there's just so, he's like an onion. there's so many different layers.
so along comes megan, and not only does she tell harry, "you are the star of this family. look at all your charity work you've done, this and this and this. you are the greatest. i don't just want to be a princess, i want to be your wife. i want to stand beside the greatest man in the english monarchy." not only did she do that, she went one step further. and i believe this feud she has with kate and william is intentional. i believe that is part of this because that, that forces harry to be like, the center of the universe, do you know what i mean? like, by doing that, she shows harry, "i don't care about the, i don't care about this monarchy. i don't care about being part of the royal family. i care about you to the point that i'm going to push away the royal family. [ __ ] them, who needs them? it's about you." and i'm sure harry has never experienced that. everyone he's ever dated, it's like, "i want to be part of the royal family." not, "i want to be harry's wife." "we exist in this bubble, crown or no crown, title or no title." and harry was mesmerized by that. he felt seen. he felt prioritized. he felt like the king of the castle, so to speak.
the irony is, and the reason we low-key hate megan, sorry if you don't, i do, is that nothing could be further than the truth. nothing could be further than the truth. that this [ __ ] likes him for him. i mean, she probably, i'm sure she loves him. you know, he seems lovable. how could you not love prince harry? are you kidding? but make no mistake, she wants to be in the spotlight. if he lost his title, if he abdicated, no, no. she likes this. people like megan can't differentiate between positive and negative attention. you know how i know that? she can't look at her family. and it's funny that people look at her garbage family and they cannot see how close that apple has fallen from that tree. and i have, over our company has interviewed her dad. like, he is, he is a war. sister is a family. if you don't know anything about them, like, the dad would like, stage these weird photo ops of him like, very obviously like reading a book on, like, english history before the wedding, or like, getting measured by the tailor, like, literally on the side of the road in mexico where he lives, like, before the wedding. and it was like, getting paid by photographers to stage these things. it was just so cringy and so, uh, it was in such bad taste. and the queen was freaking out. everyone was just like, "ugh." it makes me dry out. i need some lip gloss. paper straw. don't worry. by the way, key lime flavor of lacroix, not regular lime. key lime is the wave. it tastes like cotton candy. it's dumb delicious. anyway. so, and her sister, i think it's her half-sister, is also a garbage person. she wrote a book called like, "the pushy princess" about megan. it's like, the more i know about megan, the more accurate that title is. my point is, megan is half of these people. and it's funny, the other half of megan is her mom, who seems beyond lovely. just like a yoga teacher and like, she's a social worker. and she looks like she just smells really good, like vanilla. like, she just looks like adorable, like, wonderful lady. and megan is probably half that. the other half, that other half, healthy people don't become actresses. i mean, i'm not, they do, but if, if you're going like, per capita around hollywood, they've got more issues than the average, you know? they've got just a relentless need for attention. and i don't think that's healthy. like, lady gaga is talented, but i have never seen someone so addicted to attention in my life. in my life. she's like a weird middle schooler, like a theater kid, you know? like, i said, she's talented, but it's like, "ugh." like, she's just a little, that goes a really long way for me. that's not what we're here to talk about. and i feel like i'm gonna get like, so much hate mail from the little monsters. she's cool. i just don't want to be your personal friend.
so meghan markle, like, yeah, like looking at her family, you're like, "okay, i can kind of see where this, like, machination has come from." and when it comes to seduction, you really do have to have that neutrality. you have to have a larger goal in mind. i have learned a lot that i know about seduction from a book called "the art of seduction." it's about this big. it is like the bible. it is annotations. there's notes. i have to have spreadsheets. and it's interesting, though, because in it, it calls the target that you're going after your victim, not your lover, not your crush, not your, not your, your bae, your victim. because seduction isn't just about like, sleeping with someone, you know? that's like, girls, please don't think that sleeping with a guy means that you seduced him. they will [ __ ] literally anything. and dudes don't think that, like, that is all it takes to get a woman either. i mean, it's part of it. men conquer women through sex. women conquer mental relationships. and megan set her sight on seducing harry very purposefully, very purposefully. because she identified his shadow self. and it's easier because he's in the public eye. so it's easier to have net neutrality and kind of like formulate a plan, you know? when you meet someone on tinder, you meet them in a bar, it's really hard to separate and get that neutrality. which is why you should ask about the compliments thing, you know? and talk to someone, talk to them about their life. be like, "what's a dream that you felt like was always silly for you to go after? did you ever want to be anything when you grow up and your parents like, 'no, you can't do that?'" or like, "who put you down when you were a kid?" these will give you clues into the shadow self, right? and it should also give you some clues into yourself. answer that question for yourself and try to identify what your shadow self is so that you don't get manipulated, so you don't get markled.
so where are we now with megan and harry? well, she has alienated him from his family. she has built this sort of, i mean, and when you do that, when when you alienate someone from their family, people are gonna dig their heels in, you know? it's like a kanye west song. "i don't care what nunny else says, still love her." because he's doubled down on her. and it's like, he can't just be like, "sorry, queen grandma, you were right. she's a buggy [ __ ]." and they've got a kid on the way. so harry cognitively is all in. you can't have a cognitive dissonance of, "i don't like this woman, we're having a child, and i've cut out my family for her." people can't labor, labor under that kind of stress.
which brings me to her baby shower. like i said, i've lived in new york a long time. i've been in the media business a long time. i know how easy it is to get around new york completely unnoticed. it's a big city, dense city, no one gives a [ __ ] who you are, where you're going. the fact that megan made such a spectacle about this tells me my overall theory about her: she doesn't want to be princess as much as she wants to be a celebrity. and she doesn't understand the difference, which is going to be her downfall. because there is a difference. we as americans don't inherently understand the difference. i don't want to be a princess. it sounds awful. it's like a bunch of like, imagine a party where all you do is make small talk, and that party never ends. ah, like, just walking, "oh, thank you. oh, that's so nice to see you. oh, you watched the wedding? thank you. uh-huh. oh, tell us about this kitchen that you brought. uh-huh. great." oh, like, it would make me insane. i would be an anxiety monster. you really do have to be built for stuff like that. and megan is, because i believe she's kind of like a bottomless pit of attention needs. she always looks delighted, delighted when the paparazzi get her, just the [ __ ] eating grit on her face, like, like she's just pulled a fast one. and so this baby shower was the big culmination. it was like a two hundred thousand, no, it was like a five hundred thousand dollar baby shower. two hundred thousand dollars with the cost of the private jet flight that she hopped with amal and george clooney back to england. so silly me. but yeah, it was at a seventy-five thousand a night hotel suite, all famous people. and again, it's like, baby showers like, sit in a rocking chair, open your presents, and have some cake, you know what i mean? this was so over the top that it's like further, it was another spectacle that i think was meant to further divide harry from his family. because when she does things like this, harry kind of has to answer to the monarchy, like, "what the [ __ ], dude? like, this isn't how we do things." and when you marry into a royal family, you kind of have to do things the way they do things. that's sort of part of the plan. it's not like, "we're gonna revolutionize." no, no, no, no. when people try to revolutionize a monarchy, people end up at the guillotine. so maybe just stay away from that. let me just stay away from it. and again, she's separating, she's separating harry in the family so that he will be so devoted to her. the stakes are too high for him to ever leave her, you know what i mean? this is an abuse tactic, honestly. not saying she's abusive, but like, guys do this to girls. abusive men do this to women. it's like, the first thing an abuser does is they isolate you. you're not getting any other feedback. you don't have a way out. you don't have a support system. you don't have a network. and it's a control tactic, you know? they lavish you with the attention, and then when they pull it away, when they're mad at you or throwing a fit, you have no choice but to capitulate because where the [ __ ] are you gonna go? nowhere. you're alone. they are it. so you got to make it work.
the whole thing just feels toxic. i hope for their sake it isn't. i mean, not like totally toxic, you know? but like, it just, it's a very weird dynamic that i wouldn't want in a relationship. i don't think the queen of england wants it in her grandson's relationship. i don't think will and kate have it in their relationship. and i think we need to look at our lives and be like, "is this a play in my own relationship?" sometimes am i being isolated? am i isolating someone else? why? what do i need them to be only on shaolin island for? you know, is my shadow self being preyed upon by someone who sees me as the seduction victim? am i doing that to someone else? these are all just some food for thought. if you guys have more questions on this, leave in the comment section. i can totally do a follow-up video because, you know, this is just kind of the tip of the iceberg stuff. also, think about the concept of the book versus the reader. who are you keeping in your life only because they are reading your book? please remember that they're not the only literate person out there. they're not. you are the masterpiece. finding someone to read you is the easiest thing in the world. you just gotta open up. it's all there. for more, click like and subscribe. and like i said, if you want to talk privately, find me on the instantgo app. my username is shalonxo and click chat. and follow me on social media, shaolin xo on insta, snap, and twitter.