Transcription
I don't know what you've seen.
Anybody can hate it.
Look at seeing it again.
Look at that.
Yeah, yeah, look at that.
It's a park, and there's a white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, and a Latino guy.
And okay, that guy, he's Canadian.
Don't worry about him; they never affect the world much at all.
But you see what they're doing, huh?
That's called praying, and they're doing it for each other.
Your daddy's never seen this in his lifetime.
Maybe I was wrong; maybe this is the best time to be born.
Because that right there, that's what it means to be an American.
And they're praying for peace.
And if we can have peace and we destroy the people who screwed up the peace so we can have some damn peace, I'm gonna teach you how to pray.
We're gonna go to church.
Oh wait, we can't; you might get fondled.
Now you're a girl, you're safe.
What is going on?
End of the world, guys supposed to lead us to glory.
Do it over there, hands on little kids' pants.
One is up, one priest in Boston, one dude messed with over 100 kids.
100 kids, yo, father groped me.
It's not an Olympic event.
How sick is that?
Dude, he's up there on Sunday, preacher looking down, his vestments are tight, me swinging that smokey thing, shaking it.
I don't know what the smokey thing is called.
Don't you think if you're jonesing for a boy, Scotty, you have an altar boy monkey on your back?
You should find a way to stop, man.
Go to thou, go to the Home Depot, get a sledgehammer, kill the urge.
I feel bad for these priests, you know?
I wish they had, I wish they had, oh ha ha, I always say it, like a God to pray to for guidance.
Or maybe like a book with some rules in it they could read.
You know, don't misunderstand me; I believe in God.
I look at my two kids, and I know there's something.
I was married 15 years; God exists.
I survived three years on the Fox Network.
There is a guy, but I don't trust the church anymore.
And that's sad because they've done good work in the past.
They fed the hungry, they've helped the homeless.
When it comes to raping little kids, they drop the ball.
How do we help the church get their respect back?
I have a plan: pedophile crucifixions.
It's their idea; we're just going old school BC, dog.
I'll tell you what, you walk in on Sunday, one of those bad priests in hell up there, it's gonna change your opinion about the church.
Holy [ __ ] God, wow.
Oh, I'm wearing a tie next week because it comes into my father said, step up or step aside.
The one thing that church hasn't done is step up and deal with the problem.
Step aside, let the authorities do it.
And if they did, if they just did it and got serious, and all of us knew that the second someone laid a hand on the kid, rung like I was gone.
You know what happened?
Church would be full to the rafters again.
You know what else would happen?
Pious men of God would show up to be priests again.
Great men, they would light coming off and see you.
And on Sunday, there would be a great man of God in front.
He will, those old school guys.
Oh, good morning everyone, happy Sunday, how you feeling today?
Well, first of all, I'd like to thank the Torelli brothers for taking down the life-sized J, just nailing up Father Finnegan here.
I know, I know, shut up, quit your scream.
If it's good enough for jazz, if it's good enough for you.
Now today we're gonna learn about retribution.
Oh, we're gonna sing some songs.
I want you to think of it as a crucifixion karaoke shirt.
Ah, take it like a man.
Oh, I'm sorry, Gregory, I know that's what he said to you.
Don't try, oh God, Bo and me and me on Church.
Okay, I'm handling the dark dye, and Gregory, wipe the tears from your eyes.
Come on, do what Jesus would do, cowboy up.
Now first of all, I like all the little children.
This bastard mess with the, please step forward, all of you.
Ho, cheese and crackers.
Okay, well, I hope Satan loves ripping the flesh from your bones and feeding it to the whorehouse of hell, you maggot.
And that reminds me, don't forget about the bake sale on Wednesday.
Now I'd like all the children to please form a single-file line because, well, I've only brought one nail gun.
I wasn't expecting the overflow.
And Gregory, our first, come here for, let them through that time.
There you go, boy, come here, dig the triggers right here.
What, of course you can shoot them wherever you like.
No, don't you be upset; this is just you nailing him.
Come on now.
If I have angered or offended anybody with that piece of material, all you have to do is give me the pro-raping-little-kids side of the argument.
That's what I thought.
And by the way, if you're in here tonight, thank you, that's great.
Can you guys, like, you guys can hold up, hold up, no lightning bolt.
Alright, we travel, his ass is in a burning ember on stage, clap a little bit.
Alright, and by the way, if you're in here tonight and you're really high up in the church, I'm Whitey, and we're still waiting for our apology.
Hatred for the white people, people wait three hours as they just get on again.
Then we're gonna bread.
By the way, visit it, you're back now.
How was your ride?
Was it like, would you like to go again?
Shut up, people in line.
This is Christopher Titus and his white family.
Let them go.