Transcription
The fact that I have now made it more difficult for people to be believed when they come forward is devastating to me. That was the last thing that I wanted, the last thing I would ever want.
Hey guys, so this entire video was shot and edited before Daniel's new one. He is still trying to shut me up; Daniel is still desperately trying to silence me by smearing me before I even post another video. Let's get to the video. I did not come forward thinking he had nothing; I came forward knowing he had everything, and yet I still did it. So please think about it logically; it makes no sense for me to falsely accuse somebody who I know has everything. It makes no logical sense.
This is now apology video number 13. No matter what I do, I can't say it right, but I am not leaving YouTube on that [ __ ] 3-minute apology or that interview I posted just 24 hours later. I want to begin this video with: I am not resending my statement that I was pressured into things that we had agreed beforehand wouldn't happen. I am not taking that back. That last apology video was not me admitting to falsely accusing anybody; that's not what that video was for. That video was me being devastated for the survivors of the sexual assault community because I did not mean to hurt them. That was the last thing I wanted when I made that first video. I genuinely thought that I was going to be protecting people from getting hurt; I thought I was doing a good thing.
There's lots of things I'm going to try to cover here before I disappear, but I'm not leaving people with all these questions and things being left up. And for the people, people who don't want to listen to all the fluff, I'm going to get to the exact questions that people want to know. One: Are you accusing Daniel of rape? No, and I never did. There are a handful of people that understood this from watching the first video, but there's a lot of people that didn't. I never accused Daniel Green of raping me, not once. If you watch that video from beginning to end, even though it's not up anymore, I never once said Daniel raped me. I never once said Daniel Green assaulted me. I did not use those words when I made that video. I was very, very, very careful to only ever refer to what he did to me as pressuring me into things. But I realize, because of how overrun I was with my emotions and how, you know, how much of that trauma I was reliving in that moment telling the story, it really, really came off as stronger than what I had been intending. Like, I did not mean for that video to be a rape accusation. I did not mean for that video to blow up and have people calling him a rapist and sending that video to the people he works with. I did not want any of that, and I did not think that any of that was going to happen. Genuinely, I thought his fans would be more critical of me; I thought they would not jump ship as quickly as they did. I am not accusing him of rape, and I never did, but I understand that that's what was taken away from the video, and I understand that because I didn't give any [ __ ] trigger warnings, which is stupid because I always do that. Because I didn't give anybody trigger warnings, it meant that every single survivor who happened to click on that video was forced to relive their trauma completely without warning, and I hate myself for that. Because I have been assaulted by other people, I have been raped by other people; I have severe PTSD. And for me, if I hear somebody start to talk about a story that has anything to do with this, if I even look at a title in the news, I get horrific images of graphic sexual violence in my head. And I realized that's exactly what I forced people to go through when they clicked on that video and I didn't give them a warning. So I can completely understand how every survivor watched that video, heard the story, saw the emotions, and didn't notice that I never called it rape, like I… and I don't want to blame people; I don't want to blame people. The only time I used that word was when I was referring to the Tumblr allegation. I never accused him of raping me, and it breaks my heart that that's how that first video was taken because he didn't rape me, and now I'm being a false accuser, but I never said that he raped me, but that's what was taken away from the video, and I hate that, and that's [ __ ] up, and there's nothing that I can do. That being said, there are people out there who did notice that I never said that he raped me, and there are people out there who have messaged me and said, like, I didn't think that first video was a rape accusation, and like, thank [ __ ] for those people. But um, are you accusing Daniel of rape? No, I am not, and I never did. Are you admitting to falsely accusing him of rape? No, I never said Daniel Green raped me. What I said was that he pressured me into things. That video wasn't me coming forward about Daniel raping me; that video was me coming forward about a negative experience I had had with him, and that I had ended up speaking to somebody who had allegedly also had a negative experience with him. That was the entire point of video number one; it wasn't about me, it wasn't about my story. I just had to tell you that in order to get to the point of the cease and desist. That video wasn't supposed to be like that; that wasn't the goal of that video, and instead it became this huge blown-up rape accusation that I never meant it to be. So are you admitting to falsely accusing him of rape? No, because I never said that he did, and I was very careful to never say that he did. I understand that what I described sounds like it, but I never said that he did. Trust me, I do not take rape accusations lightly; I hate false accusers; I hate false accusers. So the fact that, you know, I [ __ ] this up by using the wrong goddamn words, by being too emotional in that video—those tears were real, those tears and that panic attack were real, and that was part of the problem. If I had told that story without getting emotional, I think the message would have gotten across better, but because I was telling that story for the first time in a long time, all that trauma was coming back out of me, and it was so easy to ignore the words that I used and just go off of feeling, and I fu[ __ ] up. I wish I had not been crying. I am not retracting my statement that he pressured me into things that I didn't want, that we had previously agreed wouldn't happen. I am not retracting that, but I am also stating that I did not mean to accuse him of rape; I did not mean for that video to turn into that.
I just watched Daniel's video, and there was a couple of things that I wanted to address. Please notice that Daniel only describes events leading up to, between, and after what happened. It doesn't matter what history you have with somebody; in the moment, if there is no consent, there is no consent. If it is not an enthusiastic yes, it is a no. I am going to try to do this in chronological order. Daniel mentioned that I mentioned that he used me as a therapist to try to get me in bed. That's not at all what I said; that is not at all what I said. I just said that I was basically a therapist; that's about it. That was separate; I just kind of become people's therapists when I am their friend. I never said that he was doing that to try to get me in bed. Two: the songs that I wrote. I know people think it's a big deal that I wrote songs, but it's not. I have written hundreds of songs, hundreds. I have released over 20 albums. For me personally, writing three songs is nothing. When it comes to the people that I've actually had feelings for over the years, they get albums; like my ex-husband got like three albums to himself. I could literally write you a song about taking a [ __ ]. For me, writing music, writing songs, it's just, it's just my way of getting my thoughts out. And there is one song that he did not focus on, so I wrote three, and there was a specific order. The first one, "Cuz I can't have you," that one is very dramatic because all of my dramatic feelings needed to go into one place. This is how I deal with my feelings: letters, writing, whatever. The second one, which is obviously the [ __ ] mean one, that was just me trying to get my like angry feelings out about the situation. The song he didn't focus on was the last and final one; that was my conclusion of the entire situation. He did not read you the lyrics to this one, so I will, maybe one day, if we're both single, maybe then we can try us out, but not till that day when we are both single, cuz I can't do that to her. I know how it feels to love someone and find out that they've got another; I know how it feels, so I can't put somebody else through all that torture. I know how it feels. No matter how I long to let you in, I'm stronger. So this is it right here. He chose to gloss over that because this was the third and final song of the three; this was my conclusion. I know a lot of people are going to be like, "You wrote songs, [ __ ] dramatic," it… I don't care what you think in that sense. One was mushy, one was [ __ ], and one concluded the story, and that is very clear in the third and final song that he chose not to focus on. All three of these songs were written in 2022; that was, this was almost an entire year before the two of us hung out in Vegas. I had a lot of people on part two saying things like, you know, if, if you were really that high, how do you remember these moments? If you were, if you were really traumatized, then why do you remember like those specific moments so well? And the answer is: how could I forget the moments he was taking from me, what I didn't want to give? Are the moments that have been burned into the back of my mind; those are the moments that have just been ingrained in my [ __ ] skull. So what happened between those events is a blur. Like night one, I remember I told you that I was like super groggy, half asleep. I got up and let him in in my jumper. He commented on how high I was. I gave him half an edible, and then I got back in bed. That is what I remember like distinctly. He claims I met him in the lobby, which I have zero recollection of. Like honestly, I have zero recollection of going down to the lobby, but you know, now that I'm thinking about it logically speaking, I think I would have had to have gone down to the lobby. So now, obviously, now I'm just [ __ ] up my own case because the bits between what he did are a blur. He swears that I looked sober. I don't know how that would have even been physically possible considering I had been eating 40 mg every couple of hours the entire day and had just been asleep. So like, physically speaking, there is no way I even could have looked sober because my eyes would have been red, my face would have been all smushed up from being in a pillow. Like, there is no physical way I could have looked sober. I honestly don't remember going down to the lobby. I know some people don't count being able to, you know, get up and walk as half asleep. I do, and I know like some people when they hear half asleep they mean like so incapacitated that you can't get up. That's not for me; that's not half asleep for me; that's so incapacitated that you can't get up. When I said that I was half asleep, I mean that I was like, I was groggy; I could still talk a little bit, but I wasn't like sober; I wasn't awake; I wasn't there. Clearly, I was groggy enough that I don't remember leaving the room, but logically speaking, I think I would have had to, to let him up. I don't remember that; I can honestly tell you I don't remember that, and I didn't lie about that, or at least I didn't mean to, because I don't remember. He commented on how high I looked; that part is not a lie, and that was why I asked him if you wanted to catch up. That is why he bit half an edible. I've had people questioning about the edibles, the drugs, and the numbers that I keep saying because I think the numbers either range from I was on 40 and he was sober, or I'll say that I was on 50 and he was on 10. The reason I consistently say 40 mg is because the edibles that I bought upon arriving, they were 20 mg each, so I was taking 40 mg every couple of hours. Hours. I think my first dose was around, and then like every 2 hours I would take another 40 mg so that I could kind of consistently stay on the vibe of 40 mg. Obviously, over time that stuff will build, but it also kind of, you know, goes out of your system. So at least in my mind I was trying to take 40 mg consistently throughout the day. Daniel claims he didn't know that. I don't know how the [ __ ] he wouldn't. He ate half an edible, which was the 10 milligrams; I ate the other half, which is another 10 mg, but it takes about an hour for that stuff to kick in. So that's why sometimes I say that I was on 40 and he was sober because they hadn't kicked in yet, but if you include the edible that we shared upon him arriving, then I would have been on 50 and he would have been on 10, but that didn't kick in yet, so that's why that number keeps getting confusing. So I went to bed at maybe like 8ish, again high as [ __ ], tired as [ __ ]. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep, and then I had to wake up to let him in. So I guess logically speaking, I did have to go down to the lobby, but I don't remember it, like honestly, but I think I would have had to. Either way, I was high as [ __ ]. The parts that are ingrained in my mind are the parts that I didn't want; that is what I remember for my 3 days there. Like on day two, I got, I was with my tattoo artist for like 6 hours, and still that part of the day is just a blur to me. The part that I remember, the part that's distinct in my brain from day two, was the moment he started pressuring me again, leading up until the moment that he came again. Like, that is what is ingrained in my mind; that is why I can tell you exactly what happened on night one during when he was doing that and day two during when he was doing that. Like, the moments between I remember, but now I feel like in the blur there's some moments that like were garbled, and like, for me this just solidifies how high and groggy I was in my memory. I know for some people hearing that is now like, "Oh, you were sober enough to get up," but I'm kind of like, I wasn't sober enough to [ __ ] remember. And I know that like the setup and the history and all that, but the reality about consent is like it doesn't matter what history you have; if in the moment you are not obtaining consent, you do not have consent. Like I remember getting back in bed and dozing off. I remember him climbing into bed, and he went from being in friend mode to having that predatory look in his eyes. I remember in bed the energy that was just coming off of him in waves; that was why I turned away from him, and that was why I put my arm between us to try to create a barrier. I remember he was saying things like, "Come on, we came all this way, can we at least try something?" "You know what's the difference between this and you being with your partner?" Because I kept telling him, like, "Dude, you're in a relationship; you're in a relationship," and he kept bringing up the fact that, you know, my sugar daddy at that time was attached. He just kept bringing that up, and I remember I kept trying to explain to him that I know other people don't see the situation as different, but I do, because like, seriously married men… he was a sugar daddy that paid to be on that website; it cost like a hundred bucks, if not more, for a guy to be on that website. He's nearing 50; he was messaging multiple sugar babies; if it wasn't me, it was going to be somebody else. Was in a lovely marriage; his wife hadn't touched him in over a decade; he had been cheating for 15 years, and his first affair lasted 10 years. At home, he didn't get love or kisses or cuddles or sex. He did tell me he was separated when we met, but I did figure out he was not as separated as he said he was a couple of months later, and I will hold myself accountable for the fact that I did continue to see him for a couple of months after I found out. But yeah, Daniel knew that the person I was seeing was attached, and he kept using that; he kept saying like, "Oh, what's the difference, you're already seeing somebody that's in a relationship? Like, how is this any different? How is this any different? Like, come on, let's just try. We traveled all this way." And I explained to Daniel it was completely different because you're only two years into your relationship, and you do have love, and your partner does kiss you and cuddle you and [ __ ] you. Like, this is different; you're young; you just entered your relationship. I traveled all this way; why can't we try something? Can we just like try a little bit? Can we try just like the tip? So I turned onto my stomach to turn away from him, putting an arm between us to create a barrier to try to talk about things, to try to maybe be a part of the conversation because he was really pushing for like an arrangement. I decided to switch over to Sugar Baby mode, and I was like, if this man wants to talk about an arrangement, I'm going to interview him the way that I interview people. I have certain requirements right off the get-go, and if you don't meet them, it's a hard no. I was going to ask him those questions and then give him a hard no because he didn't qualify. My first requirement is that you have to live in Vancouver; you have to live in Vancouver. I don't do long-distance or like casual or like I'm occasionally going to see you; you have to live in Vancouver. I don't even date people from Seattle; I don't even date people from Whistler. If it's, if you're not in Vancouver, it's a no. So that was the first question that he would have failed. The second thing is I do not do casual or short-term arrangements; I do not do one-offs. For me, I only do stable long-term arrangements where I'm going to see the person at least twice a month. That is another point he would have failed. But here's the thing: I didn't even get to ask a question. I turned away from him; I put my arm in between us to create a barrier; I told him I had questions to ask him; he threw a number at me; I said I could do that, expecting more of a conversation, and then he pushed me over and put his tongue in my mouth. Now I know to some people, "I could do that," is verbal consent, but to me it isn't; to me it is not; could as a maybe; could as a possibly. Like imagine if you were walking through the woods with a friend and you saw this cliff overlooking the water and you were like, "You want to jump into the water?" And if your friend was like, "I mean, I could do that," would you push them off the cliff? Would you push them off the cliff? Or is "I could do that," is that a maybe? Is that a possibly? That's not a yes. "I could do that" is not a yes. I wouldn't push them off the [ __ ] cliff. He pushed me over and shoved his tongue in my mouth. I didn't even get to ask him one question when I had established to him that I had questions to ask. Maybe there's people out there who think it isn't traumatizing to have one of your best friends repeatedly try to stick their penis in you while you're actively pushing him away, actively pushing his dick away from between your legs, saying on repeat, "I'm not having sex without lube; I'm not having sex without lube; I'm not having sex without lube; I'm not having sex without lube." What part of that sounds consensual? And it doesn't matter what history you have with somebody; history with somebody in the past does not equate consent in the present or future. Consent is something that you need at all times. I do not see how people think that was consensual; that is not how consent works. If I had looked at him, if I had still been facing him, if my body language had still been open to him, if I had looked him dead in the eyes and said, "I could do that, let's do this," it would have been different; that would be different, but that's not what happened. What happened was I wasn't looking at him; I was facing away from him; I had a barrier between us; I wanted to ask him questions; I told him I wanted to ask him questions; he threw a number at me and then pushed me over and shoved his tongue in my mouth. And I need you to remember he promised me that he wanted to give me that money as a friend; he promised me beforehand he was going to spoil me as a friend. He didn't pay me for sex; he did not pay me for sexual things; he promised that money was as friends, and then he took advantage of the situation. I didn't want it, and I tried to talk him out of it. It didn't start because we leaned in for a kiss; it didn't start by sexy looks and gentle touching; it started because he pushed me over, shoved his tongue in my mouth, and climbed on top of me. That's not consent. Everything he did was just like him doing it, and it was all very quick, and then he tried sticking it in me, and cuz I kept shoving his dick away from me, and then he came, and then I yelled at him to bring me a towel, and then I wiped his [ __ ] off, and I passed out. The following morning he told me he had been puking and crying all night, promised me it was never going to happen again. We went for breakfast at Truth and Tonic in the Venetian Hotel. I remember it took us forever to [ __ ] find it; God, that place is a maze. And I remember at breakfast, over breakfast, we discussed it again, and he promised me again that it was never going to happen. We walked around afterward for a little bit, and I think he had to go get his medication, so he mentioned that I mentioned lube because, as I mentioned before, you know, I'm not having sex without lube; I'm not having sex without lube; I'm not having sex without lube; I'm not having sex without lube. In order for me to enjoy anything remotely sexual, I need lube because of my medical conditions. I have idiopathic hypogonadotropic hypogonadism, and that can, that makes any kind of vaginal anything, it can be quite painful. I cannot self-lubricate; I cannot stretch. So I think this was the part of the timeline that was confusing to me. I think it was after breakfast, on the way back to the hotel, cuz we did walk around a little bit. On the way back, I did look up somewhere to buy lube because in my mind I was kind of like, all right, well, [ __ ], he's already done it to me once, what I didn't want… like that night was nonconsensual, and my trauma response, because unfortunately for me my trauma responses are not fight or flight, but freeze and fawn. Right, during the night I froze; trust me, I wish I was a fighter. The following day there was a part of me that did desperately want to reclaim what he had done. This has happened to me before, and I know people who have done this. Sometimes when you go through something traumatic, there is a part of you that will try to reclaim that moment, that will try to be like, okay, you know, maybe if I get the things it would take for me to actually be able to enjoy any kind of intimacy or sexual act, you know, maybe if we get the things it would take, maybe I can be a part of this conversation, maybe this can be an equal exchange, maybe I could enjoy this. So I was looking at places to, you know, maybe be able to find something, but we did, we did discuss the fact that nothing was going to happen, and that's why we didn't go get anything. I'm not denying the fact that in order for me to enjoy anything I need lube. I am not resending the fact that what he did the night he arrived I didn't want, and I tried to talk him out of. The following day, in the message exchange that I showed you the other day, that a lot of people were confused about, that message exchange was from after our trip to Vegas. These messages were from the 24th, but we were talking about what had happened in that text exchange. There are messages where I was saying he was the only one ever allowed to express lust; if I ever gave back the energy he was giving me, he never liked it. And this played out in Vegas the night he got there; he was pressuring me into things, and I didn't want it; pushed me over; shoved his tongue in my mouth; I repeatedly rejected his attempts for sex; I did not want that. The next morning we agreed it wasn't going to happen, and it was [ __ ] terrible, and we were just friends. It was something I looked at; it was something I glanced at because I was trying to reclaim, but because he promised me it was never going to happen again, and he promised me that we were just friends, it was kind of like, okay, cool, sick. We never went in the direction of the shop. So like, first thing in the morning at breakfast and when we were walking around, he agreed that we were just friends, and that was something we explicitly agreed, and then we went back to the hotel, and I went to the pool, and he stayed in the room. He denies staying in the room; he did stay in the room for like at least an hour, maybe more, because I remember sitting by the pool and thinking to myself, like, damn, he's been in there a while. He, he told me that he was like doing work or something; he was talking to somebody on the phone or having a meeting. When he eventually came down to the pool, we hung out by the pool, and everything was fine, and everything was just as friends. And then when I went back up, when we went back up so I could change to go to my appointment, he went back on his word. He went from promising me it was never going to happen and making me feel safe and making me feel like he was telling the truth and, you know, rejecting me suggesting getting something in which maybe it could be enjoyable, and then as soon as we were alone again, he went back on that, and, and I was like, "We just talked about this; we just talked about this." Also, like, you rejected me getting like the thing it would take for this experience to not suck for me; we just said in the morning over breakfast when we were walking around. But as soon as we got to that room, that switch happened; that look in his eyes; he went from being my friend to being someone who wanted to [ __ ] come all over me. And I remember repeatedly trying to talk him out of it, and at that point he was saying, "Well, what's the difference? We already did it once; what's the difference? What's the difference?" He promised me it wasn't going to happen; like obviously it was terrible the first time, and it was terrible the second time, but there was almost like this added thing of like, when I was suggesting things it was always a no, but whenever I was saying no, he was always pushing for it. And this was a recurring theme; you'll notice in that message I said, say, you know, it seems only you are allowed to express any kind of lust; when I do it, because you've been doing it, you never like it. And that never is important; he never liked it if I gave back the energy he was giving me; never anytime he was giving me that energy, if I ever reciprocated, I could tell he was instantly less turned on. And that played out in Vegas; whenever he was pushing me for it, whenever I was rejecting him, that was when he wanted it; that was when he would take what he wanted; that was when he was using his excuses and pulling things out of his ass to try to talk me into things. He kept saying, "What's the difference? What's the difference? What's the difference?" I had an appointment to get to; I didn't want what he did. If you knew we were going to do this again, could you at least have let me be a part of the conversation? Let me go get the thing to actually make this okay. But instead, he always did it when I didn't want it. "We're already here in Vegas; we might as well do it. We already did it once." We didn't do it once; he did it once. I had somewhere to [ __ ] be, and he wasn't going to leave it alone. That look in his eyes, I knew. I went into that room expecting to change and go get tattooed, and instead I walked into that room and one of my best friends immediately went back on his word, his word that he had been swearing for hours at this point. Only he was ever allowed to express lust; only he was; if I ever gave it back, he didn't like it, and that tells you everything you need to know about what happened in Vegas. But every moment he was pushing for it and I was rejecting him and I was trying to talk him out of it, that's when he was turned on. I wanted to reclaim what had happened, but he didn't let me, and then when we were alone he redid what he had done the night before all over again. I don't care what anybody says about the part of me looking into a place where I could maybe buy lube; I don't care what anybody has to say about that; that was my trauma response; that was me trying to reclaim what he had already taken. But again, we agreed we shouldn't; we agreed we were just friends, only to have him go back on that as soon as we were alone. "Come on, what's the difference? We already did it once; we're already here in Vegas; come on; I'll be quick; we'll just, we'll just, we'll just do it quickly, and then we'll go for your appointment." He was referring to the fact that he had already jerked off onto me once; that was what he wanted to do again. Daniel created the perfect situation in which he could take advantage of me. He said he wanted to take me on a friend trip and spoil me, and he promised he was a friend trip, only to turn that around and use it on me later, and I feel like that was part of his plan. You know, the second you tell someone, oh, like, he, he gave money, they're like, oh, okay, that was consent. That's not how consent works. In regards to the sugar babying thing, the way everybody approaches it is different. I am the kind of person that only ever has one arrangement going on at a time. There are some people who have like multiple sugar daddies; I only ever go one at a time because I'm an introvert and I dislike most people, and it's very hard for me to find people that I actually enjoy spending time with. The internet has seems to have decided that the second you pay someone you can do whatever you want to them; that is not true because, first of all, he told me he was going to give me that money as a friend, so it doesn't even count. Second of all, consent can be retracted at any time; anytime. And just because you consent to one thing doesn't mean you consent to another. Consent is something that you need throughout, throughout. And money does not change that. And even in this situation, the money doesn't count because he promised me he was giving it to me as a friend. So you have to take the money out of the equation, or you have to look at it in a sense of: he purposefully lured Naomi on this friend holiday and then used that against her later on. He didn't pay me for sex; it doesn't matter that I'm a sugar baby. If we had gone and bought lube, I might have consented; I might have, and I'm not afraid to admit that. But without it, sexual encounters suck for me; like suck. If we had gone and bought lube, it might have been consensual the second time, but it wasn't. He took from me what I did not want to give, and I tried to reclaim that, and he didn't let me, and then he took again what I did not want to give, knowing damn well I didn't want to do it and that we had just promised for hours on end that it wouldn't happen. That's not consensual; coerced consent is not consent. I tried to talk him out of it, but eventually I just [ __ ] gave up. He whipped his dick out, and I remember vividly when he pushed me to my knees and shoved his dick in my mouth, and I remember my mouth was so dry; his dick felt like a rolled-up carpet, and I can honestly tell you my mouth was so dry I couldn't have sucked a dick even if I wanted to. I could not have sucked a dick even if I wanted to, but his dick was only in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he pulled me up onto the bed, laid his money on me that he promised was just his friend's, and then jerked off onto me. He seems to think that he's all high and mighty because he didn't want to cross that line when it comes to like, like sex. He's acting all high and mighty that he didn't cross that line without telling you that he was pressuring me for it. And even if you take penetration out of it, the [ __ ] jerked off onto me twice, and both, both times I tried to talk him out of it. Doesn't matter what history we had; consent is something you need consistently. Any moment I wasn't rejecting him, he was no longer interested; he never liked it, and that tells you everything you need to know about the two times that it did happen. And that's why I was in such a daze that I forgot to bring my food offering to the appointment because when you do B you need to bring in food offerings for your ancestors, and I had mine, and he was in the room, but because of what he did, I was in such a daze that I forgot it, and I had to end up ordering pizza for my ancestors. They didn't [ __ ] like it; I didn't [ __ ] want it, and I had a [ __ ] tattoo appointment to get to, but I didn't fight him off. He came on me, wiped it off, got changed, and went and got tattooed. Night one and day two I didn't [ __ ] want it, and I had established that multiple times. Day three for me, or day two for him, after I got tattooed on night two, I had been crying and shaking and going into shock, and I was in so much pain that I think I feel like it kind of turned him off. One of my friends said he clearly dehumanizes the people he wants to have sex with, and that makes it easy to ignore consent. I think him seeing me go into shock, crying and shaking, humanized me that night; nothing happened because I was in so much pain, and I passed out, and I just, you know, we needed rest. Thank [ __ ]. The following day we went to the
I feel so [ __ ] guilty because of what I did. I stand by that; that is not me admitting to it being consensual. The only thing I admit here is that I feel guilty and that I wished I had said no. This is in regards to the fact that he pushed me over and shoved his tongue in my mouth, and I didn't fight him off. I never consented. I felt like [ __ ] I felt guilty as hell. Yeah, I seem a little unhinged sending these crying videos, but I didn't admit to it being consensual, at least not in that clip. I'll keep watching.
So he's saying, based on their Saturday video, they gave me $20 while telling me it was $10. I did not give him $20. The edible was $20; he bit half of it, so he had $10, and then I ate the other half. So it was either $40 for me, zero for him, or, if you count the one we shared that didn't kick in by the time he did what he did, it would have been $50 and $10. Okay, so my message history with Kayla—this part I do genuinely feel bad about because I worded that [ __ ] terribly. Can I just say that first video of mine was worded terribly? I'm going to get to it because I'm trying to go timeline-wise, and definitely the way I worded my exchange with Kayla was not cool and it definitely sold the wrong idea. So, like, that was an honest mistake I didn't mean to make. It didn't mean to make it sound like I had messaged her immediately after. I didn't tell her that I was assaulted, but I did tell her that I didn't want it, like repeatedly. I have always made a point to be careful not to use the word assault or rape when talking about this, apart from that one video that I was keeping vague, and I'll get to that later because of timeline stuff. So yeah, the message exchange, the way I worded that, it was all wrong, and I genuinely never meant for her to get harassment like that. That was not my intent at all, and I… that's [ __ ] up. I feel like, of all the people in this situation, she needs to be left the [ __ ] alone. I should have left her alone years ago, and I feel terrible about that. But please, everybody, not her. I did not mean at all for that part to come off like she was insulting me for being assaulted. That is not at all what I meant; my wording was awful, and I apologize.
Okay, so after Vegas, we were still, like, in contact; we were still friends after it happened. Because here's the thing with my trauma: no matter what he did to me in Vegas, no matter what he pressured me into, no matter what I tried to talk him out of, he was, at the end of the day, still one of my closest friends. And what he did was [ __ ] up, but I still cared about him as a person, so I was trying to leave her out of it. But then, when I found out that all of the dirt had come to light, I needed her to know that I didn't want it; I had not wanted it. And me crying and saying I wish I had said no, I never know how to say no—that is not me admitting to it being consensual. He pushed me over and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I was halfway through a sentence. Like, a lot of people seem to think that me not saying no was me giving consent, and that is not true. A lot of people seem to think that me saying "I could do that" halfway through a sentence is consent, but that is not true. "Could" is a maybe; "could" is a possibly. That is not me admitting to it being consensual. But I understand that, for some people, what I went through was an insult to call traumatic. Anyway, I'm going to try to get back on track. Where the [ __ ] are we? Right, the crying videos. Okay, so our last day hanging out was the 22nd. That message exchange that people seem to think was from when we were in Vegas was from the 24th. Everything officially ended on the 28th. I ruminated for a couple of days, and then my whiny ass made those crying videos because there was, like, three years of history, and I needed to at least get my thoughts out and have some kind of, like, a final conclusion. I know people think this is weird, but this is how I work. The one I sent to Kayla was way shorter. I apologized for hurting her, of course. I felt guilty; I felt terrible. But it doesn't mean I consented to it. I didn't want it, and I told her that in that video. I didn't want it; I didn't enjoy it; I regretted it; I wished it had never happened. I do not see how that is me admitting to it being consensual.
So I made my [ __ ] crying videos. I held on to them for, like, a week because I was debating whether or not to be a crazy person and actually send the links, but I just… I needed to apologize to her because I felt [ __ ] terrible, and I needed to get my final thoughts out to him because I felt [ __ ] up and violated and terrible. And I understand people are going to think this is insane, but this is how I deal with things. Okay, so the reason I did not show her message, the one saying "I understand you feeling guilty," blah blah blah—that message I didn't show because I didn't want to show her saying, "I'm trying to hold on to whatever pieces of my life I have left," because I didn't want… I didn't want to out that because it's kind of sad, but I [ __ ] outed everything else, so I don't know what the [ __ ] I was thinking of. I… yeah, looking back on it, the way I pieced that video together, that was just not it; that was just not [ __ ] it, and I hate the hurt that it has caused because that was the complete opposite of what I wanted, the complete [ __ ] opposite of what I had wanted. Me crying in this video to Kayla is not me rescinding the fact that I was pressured into [ __ ] in regards to the fact that because I am bisexual and in a hetero relationship with Kayla, she has told me it's okay for me to… to seek… Daniel was the one that said that; he was the one that brought that up; he was the one that told me because when he was being so [ __ ] pushy, I was like, "You are in a relationship; you are in a monogamous relationship," and he told me, "No, no, Kayla told me because I'm bi, she said I'm allowed to explore; I'm allowed to explore with men and nonbinary people." I looked him dead in the eyes and I said, "Daniel, you know damn well Kayla would not consider this non-binary; you know damn well she would not approve of you experimenting with this." He was the one that tried using that excuse; I was the one that talked him down from it. This part is complete [ __ ]. I didn't know she gave him permission to do that until he told me and was trying to use it. This part is [ __ ].
There are some people out there who have seen Part One, seen Part Two, seen Daniel's video, seen my apology, and seen the interview, and they understand and are still believing me, and I'm so [ __ ] grateful for that. But I also understand everybody that thinks I'm a [ __ ] lying piece of trash. But I'm… I'm going to get back… I'm going to get back to this; this is taking too long. May 15th was the last time anybody was contacted. June 19th was the day that video went… went up; that's over an entire month later. Me saying "7 weeks later"—I realize now that my wording was so bad. Oh, and I admit that… again, I stand by my trauma; I do not stand by my behavior. Oh, he's showing the money that was spent. I'm not denying he bought me stuff. I wish I could take it all back; I wish I could take it all [ __ ] back. It was not worth losing what we had. Me saying I could take it all back is not me admitting to consenting. When I say it was not worth losing what we had, I meant as friends, not more than that. I'm not afraid to admit that he was a very, very dear friend to me. There were a lot of things that we spoke about that I hadn't shared with anybody else, and that was part of why him taking advantage of me and pressuring me into things, knowing my entire history, all of my trauma, and that I had PTSD—that's part of why this [ __ ] me up so much. Again, me saying I wish I had said no is not me saying I wish I hadn't said yes. If, in this crying video, I was sobbing and saying, "I wish I wish I hadn't said yes; I wish I hadn't said yes," it would be different. But instead, all I have said is, "I wish I had said no." That is not me admitting to it being consensual. Consent is something you need consistently. If it's not an enthusiastic yes, it's a no. Just because I didn't fight, just because I didn't say no, it doesn't mean that I said yes; it does not mean that I consented. And this is something that a lot of people are just missing. It doesn't matter the history we had; what matters was the two moments that I am talking about: the night he pressured me into things that I didn't want and the day he pressured me into things that I didn't want. The fluff around it is not important, technically. Okay, I understand now how much I reached out to Kayla was weird and [ __ ] up, and I should have left her alone. It was not… not right, and I understand that, and I apologize. And the way that I worded things in that first video… oh my God, I… I don't think I've gotten to my apologies yet in this video. So, Kayla, I am genuinely so [ __ ] sorry for the amount of hurt that there has been in this entire thing for years. Genuinely, I was fighting for you, and then afterwards I thought I was still fighting for you, but I realized I should have just pissed off and left you alone, and I apologize for that. So yes, I was apologizing, and I was reaching out, and I shouldn't have done it, but I have not once admitted to consenting to what he did.
Okay, before this starts, I would like to reiterate the fact that this video, a conversation about manipulation, consent, and assault, was a general conversation video that I just wanted to talk to, you know, my community about. This exact clip he is talking about here—I never once said was about the person; was about my personal experience. This segment of the video was me talking about situations in general, and that's what I need people to understand. In that video, a conversation about manipulation, consent, and assault—only a smidgen of it was me giving my personal experience. The rest of the video was just in general. That's why it's called "A Conversation of Manipulation, Consent, and Assault." It wasn't called "What Happened to Me." It's different. The scenario I'm talking about here is not what happened between me and Daniel. This was just me talking in general, and he was assuming I was talking about him. Like, there are parts in that video where I was sharing a personal experience, but this part was the part where I was just talking in general. So him using this is irrelevant, 'cause I wasn't talking about him at this time. The person… I wasn't talking about him. Okay, I want to address my use of the word "assault" in this video. I would like to again reiterate the fact that I never said this video was about Daniel, and I had zero intention on anybody knowing that the video was about Daniel because there was not a single person that was following me that knew… knew I had gone to Vegas with Daniel. There were literally like two people in my life who knew I was going on that trip with a friend. I genuinely did not think he was going to see this or watch this. I did not think anybody who clicked on this would think about him at all whatsoever. If you read the comments from, like, before this blew up, from years ago, there is not a single person in the comments who thinks it's about anybody. Every discussion was just people talking about their own experiences or just things in general. I had zero intention on this being about Daniel publicly in any way, shape, or form. It was like first thing in the morning; I just got out of the shower; of course my thoughts are not completely coherent and not thought through. I didn't run it by a lawyer; I didn't run it by anyone; it was just a conversation. Obviously, looking back on it now, I would not use the word "assault," which was why, in video number one, I never said Daniel assaulted me, and I never said Daniel raped me. In that segment of the video, I was not talking about him; I was talking in general. And then fast forward to the other week when I woke up one day and had a great idea to come forward because I thought I was doing a good thing. I am not… not retracting my statement that Daniel Green pressured me into things that I did not want, that we had agreed beforehand would not happen while he was pretty much sober. He was either, like, sober or sober with a little uh edible in his stomach that had not yet kicked in. You can either say, "Okay, Nomi was on 40 and he was sober," or you can say, "Nomi was on 50 and he was on 10." It just entirely depends on whether or not you count the edible we shared when he arrived. In that first video, I realize now it was worded terribly; it was put together terribly. If I was going to tell you anything, I should have told you everything from the get-go in chronological order, and I realize now that the way I did it was so [ __ ] up, and the way I have behaved since then is also [ __ ] up. I stand by my trauma; I do not stand by my behavior. I genuinely did not think that I was accusing him of rape; like, genuinely, I specifically only used the word "pressure" to describe what he did to me. I never at any point said Daniel Green raped me; I never at any point said Daniel Green assaulted me. In the video that I made about Daniel Green, what I said was that he pressured me into things that I did not want; what I said was that I repeatedly tried to talk him out of it. I never said in that video that I told him to stop; I never said that I told him no; I never said that I fought him off, and I thought… I thought that was the thing I was supposed to do, but I realized that from the way I described it, the… the way I made that video, the way that I was recounting the events, the way that I was crying and sobbing… I want to let you know that all of those tears were real; all of them were real. That panic attack was real; I cannot fake that. But I am not admitting to falsely accusing him; I genuinely did not mean to do that in that video. And then when I started to get all the outpour of messages and when I started to see what people were saying to him, I realized that I had said it wrong and that everybody was taking it as a rape accusation, and so I threw together that manic ass Part Two to try to give you a little bit more insight into, you know, the history and what had happened. And while I stand by trying to clear the air, I do not stand by the way that I did it because I realize now that that was not the way to do it. And then it got flagged by YouTube and got taken down. Because a lot of people seem to think I took those videos down out of, like, shame or regret. I didn't… I didn't. Part Two got flagged by YouTube; Part One I took down because without Part Two, it looks like I'm accusing him of rape, and I didn't mean that. You know, like, if Part Two was still up, I would have left Part One up, but because Part Two got… got taken down, I needed to take down Part One because people were getting the wrong message from it. And I'm not blaming other people; I realize the way I worded it and the way I said it and the way I shared that story was [ __ ]. I didn't mean for it to come off that way; like, genuinely, genuinely. There were some people who noticed that I never said that he raped me; like, there are some people who did notice that I wasn't accusing him of raping me in that video, but most people took it that way. Also, can I just say I did not mean for anybody to lose their livelihood when I posted that video. In that video, I said, "I do not want this to blow up," and I meant that. I thought it was going to be some, like, under-the-radar, you know, like that Tumblr post didn't blow up, but I guess it wasn't on YouTube. I didn't mean for it to blow up; I did not mean for him to be harassed and given death threats; like, as soon as Day One, I did not mean for people to go after Kayla and harass her. I hate where this has gone, and it is not at all where I intended for it to go. It breaks my heart that that is now being taken as a rape accusation and that now it's harder for people to come forward about the things that they've been through. I genuinely did not mean for that video to be a rape accusation; it wasn't for accusing him of raping me; that wasn't the point of the video, and I did it all wrong. So I made Part Two to try to explain to people that it wasn't as rapy as they thought it had been, but then that just started a whole new [ __ ] show. I thought… I genuinely thought that people were going to be far more critical of me from Day One. I didn't expect people to rally behind me as… as quickly as they did. I did not expect that video to blow up; I did not expect people to turn against him. I knew he had a very loyal fan base; I thought they were going to be critical of me from Day One, and instead… I wasn't on the internet that day because I was fully convinced that I was going to be getting hate all day, and then one of my friends was like, "Dude, have you seen…" and then they informed me that hundreds of people were leaving his Discord; hundreds, if not thousands, of people were calling him a rapist. I didn't want that to happen; I didn't want that to happen; I didn't mean that to happen. I genuinely didn't think that I was accusing him of rape, but I realized the way I did it, the way I said it, it was all wrong. When I came forward, I knew that every last sordid detail about my life would be aired to the public. Daniel seems to think that I thought he didn't have those videos anymore; he is incorrect. I knew he had everything; I knew he had our messages, my letters, my songs, the videos; I knew he had everything. So please think about it logically; it makes no sense for me to falsely accuse someone… somebody who I know has everything. It makes no logical sense. I stand to gain nothing from falsely accusing a man who I know can publicly destroy me. I knew he had everything; I sent him everything. I know people hold on to things, and the fact that he had sent me a cease and desist and the fact that his lawyer had told me they were in possession of our messages made it very clear to me that they were in possession of our messages. I did not come forward thinking he had nothing; I came forward knowing he had everything, and yet I still did it because I thought I was doing a good thing; I thought I was protecting people from getting hurt, and instead I just hurt thousands of people because I [ __ ] worded that first video so wrong. I did not mean to accuse him of rape; I did not mean for that video to become a blown-up rape accusation. If I had been accusing him of rape, I would have put that in the title, and I would have given you trigger warnings.
Okay, this is another thing that pisses me off about myself: the fact that I didn't give trigger warnings on that video horrifies me. I forced thousands of survivors to relive their trauma without giving them a heads-up, and I think that was one of the major things I did wrong because I forced people to live through their trauma. So it was… it was so easy to not notice me only refer to it as pressure. I realize now that the way I said it was terrible; the way I structured that video was terrible; the way I triggered the [ __ ] out of people without giving them a heads-up was terrible, and that was part of why I released Part Two so quickly. I realized that Part One was being taken wrong, and I wanted to explain that; I wanted to show more of what had happened in the context. I did not mean for it to be a rape accusation; I didn't… I didn't use that word. I am so [ __ ] sorry. I am so sorry. I thought I was protecting people, and now because it wasn't rape, which I never said that it was, now I am being called a false accuser. There are some people out there who I have seen saying, "I did not see Naomi accuse him of rape," but I understand that most people saw it that way, and I just kept making it worse, and all I do is keep making it worse. I am so sorry to Kayla for all of this [ __ ] that I have put you through, and I'm sorry for Daniel. I didn't mean to accuse you of rape; I was just talking about how you pressured me into things that I didn't want. I specifically never said that Daniel raped me. I do not take the word "rape" lightly; in fact, normally when I talk about it, I call it the RW. I would never falsely accuse somebody of rape; never, trust me. False accusers… I hate false accusers. So the fact that this is how this has gone is devastating to me. Me… I never meant to accuse him of rape; I [ __ ] didn't. I feel [ __ ] terrible that that was a takeaway because of the survivors; the fact that I have now made it more difficult for people to be believed when they come forward is devastating to me. That was the last thing that I wanted; the last thing I would ever want. Me coming forward was me attempting to have people believe more because at that time, at least, I believed it. It wasn't just me; it was me and somebody else. But again, I'm not accusing him of rape; I never did; I never did. But I understand that that's how that video was taken. My heart breaks for the survivors that I have let down. Trust me, I was reading your comments; I was reading your comments, and my heart was breaking, and it still is. The worst part out of all of this for me is that I have hurt survivors. I went into this knowing that all of my dirty laundry would be aired; I knew that it would be. I was airing my own dirty laundry before Daniel did. I knew he had the messages; I knew he had the texts; I knew he had the photos; I knew he had the videos; I knew he had everything, and yet I still came forward because I thought I was helping people. Please keep that in mind. I stand to gain nothing from falsely accusing a man who I know can and will destroy me. I came forward; I said that he pressured me into things that I didn't want. I personally did not call him a rapist; I personally did not say that he raped me. I thought his fans would be more critical of me; I thought they would not jump ship as quickly as they did. I did not mean for everything to explode the way that it did, and I'm so sorry that that is what happened. I am sorry to every single sexual assault survivor that I let down from doing this. It was not my intent; I did not mean to accuse him of rape; I did not mean to do that; I promise you. I thought I was choosing my words well; I thought that sticking to the word "pressure" was the right thing to do, but I realize now that I should have specifically said, "I'm not accusing him of raping me." I thought I was being smart with my words, and clearly I was not.
Oh my God, I want to summarize some things: One, I'm not admitting to falsely accusing Daniel Green of rape; I never meant to do that, and I'm so [ __ ] sorry that that was how it went. Two, I am not retracting my statement that Daniel Green pressured me into things that I did not want and we had previously discussed and agreed would not happen. Three, yes, there was history between us, but having prior history with somebody does not equate consent in the present or in the future. Four, me wanting to buy lube was me trying to reclaim… yes, I looked up a sex store; yes, I wanted to go buy some things. He had already taken advantage of me, talked me into things that I didn't want, and come all over me when I never [ __ ] wanted it to begin with. I had a handful of hours left to try to reclaim what had happened, but I wasn't allowed to because if I ever wanted it, he didn't. Five, the wording of that video was [ __ ] terrible, [ __ ] terrible. I should have told you everything in chronological order, with every last sort of detail, if I was going to tell you anything at all, and I realized that, and I'm so [ __ ] sorry with the way that was worded and understood and taken, and like… I… I should have worded it better, and I feel so [ __ ] terrible that I didn't. His behavior was not okay, but neither has my behavior been over the last week. I thought I wasn't accusing him of rape in that first video, but clearly that's how it was taken. I thought I was clearing the air in the second video, but I just made things worse. And then I posted an apology video, and then 24 hours later I posted an interview, and I'm… I know that I'm behaving manic; I know it, and I know that there are many, many, many people speculating that I'm having a manic episode. I don't want to blame mental health, but because people are already throwing the words out there, I thought I would let you know what it is that I am diagnosed with. I am diagnosed bipolar 1, and I am seeing my psychiatrist again, and over the last two weeks I have barely eaten, I have barely slept, and I have been in this constant state of feeling wired. So for all of you that are calling me [ __ ], unwell, and psychotic and going through something—you are right. Posting and taking down and posting and taking down and making and filming and editing and posting and taking down—it is unhinged, unwell behavior, and I know that, and I am seeking help. I thought that the more I released, the more I would explain, and I was [ __ ] wrong. I am not posting this video to try to explain myself to the people who already hate me. I am posting this video because there are a handful of people out there who want to understand, and I'm not leaving them with a vague [ __ ] three-minute apology that makes it seem like I'm admitting to falsely accusing. No, I never said that; I never said that in that apology. This video is for the few people who [ __ ] understand the nuance of this [ __ ]; it's for the few people who want at least a… a few questions answered before I [ __ ] off and disappear. I thought that video was just… just going to start, like, a discussion about consent and, like, pressuring people into things, but instead it… it came off like a [ __ ] rape accusation, and everybody was calling him a rapist. I never said that he raped me. Please… oh, I can't tell you to watch that video from start to finish because I took it down, but like, if you watch it from start to finish, I never said Daniel Green raped me. All I ever said was that Daniel Green pressured me into things. But I know for every survivor that I just triggered, I understand that hearing me describe what he did sounded like rape. There's nothing I can do; there's nothing I can do to make it better. I do not regret trying to come forward for the right reasons; I do not regret that. But I thought I was doing the right thing. For those of you that have managed to watch this entire thing, I think you… I thought I was doing a good thing, and instead all I have done is hurt people, and all… all I did was hurt survivors of sexual violence, and that is the part that breaks me; that is the part that breaks me the most. I want to apologize to every single one of Daniel's fans and friends who jumped ship immediately. People were crying; people were crying. I didn't mean for it to explode the way that it did; I promise you; I promise you. And no matter what history he and I had, he promised me… nothing was going to happen; even if… even if he genuinely thinks that I was sober, I still tried to talk him out of it; he still pushed me over and shoved his tongue in my mouth; he still tried to stick his penis in me repeatedly, and I still pushed his penis away repeatedly. Even if he thought I was sober, all of that is garbage behavior on his part, especially because he knew every last detail of my previous trauma. Those tears, that panic attack, were completely 100% real; I was not faking that. And I understand that, to some people, what he did to me in Vegas is insulting, but to me it was incredibly [ __ ] real. And there are a handful of people out there who are SA survivors who feel seen by this entire story from me, who have been sending me messages saying, "I still believe you; I have seen every video; I have seen his video, and I still stand behind you; that what he did was wrong." I am so thankful for those people; I am so thankful for the people who are looking at this from a neutral lens. I hope I have answered some questions in this video, and I hope I have made it very clear to survivors of sexual assault that I did not mean to hurt you; I did not want to hurt you; that is the last thing I have ever wanted, and the fact that it is now harder for people to come forward devastates the [ __ ] out of me. I stand behind standing up for yourself; I stand behind refusing to be silenced; I stand behind coming forward because you genuinely think that you're going to be helping other people. What I do not stand behind is the way I handled it over the last two weeks and how [ __ ] manic I have been: making videos, posting videos, making, taking them down, editing… this is now apology video number 13. I am sorry to every single person that I have hurt in this; it was not my intention; I am so sorry.