Transcription
Welcome back, Shalla Gators. Well, today we are doing a follow-up to a very unexpected twist in the case of two celebrities who we don't really like, care about, but I care about the messiness. Larsa Pippen, I mean, is her name at this point not synonymous with mess? Whether it's her like spilling the dirt on the Kardashians or having a fling with Future. And you guys know that Future only hooked up with her because her husband, Scottie Pippen, the basketball player, negged him. Negged Future for an autograph when he was like 10. So he's like, "I'm gonna [ __ ] your wife." This is why I love Future. I mean, he's the worst. He's garbage, but I love it. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
And you know what else is a dish best served cold? Getting a guy back. Malik, the dude. Okay, so Larsa had a fling with this basketball player, and who was like married with a kid. And his wife was like, "What the [ __ ]?" Like, she was completely blindsided by this. And now all these months later, he has come crawling back to his wife in a very public way, and Larsa is left like, with egg on her face. I mean, probably a few other things, but I digress. So we're gonna talk today. We're gonna break out, break down what's going on here. And we're also gonna talk about how to get your boyfriend back. How do you get him back? Because I know, I know we talk all the time like, you know what, if it's not right, let it go, let it flow. But sometimes you're like, "I miss this man and I want him back." And you know, you're just not done till you're done. And it sucks, and it's awful, and you feel ashamed of yourself. But there's no point in beating yourself up over your emotions. Instead, let's harness these emotions and get that win. I'm gonna tell you exactly what to do, step by step, to get your boyfriend back. And use a certain celebrity as exactly what not to do. A little celebrity called Olivia Rodrigo. Oh, we're gonna break it all down.
But before we do, I just want to remind you guys to join me in Mexico. We still have, I think, like two or three spaces left for the Shallow Gator Getaway with influencer travel company Trend 45 to Tulum, Mexico. We're going two different weeks in June. June 11th to 17th, and then June 27th to July 2nd. We're gonna have a bunch of photographers, excursions, we're gonna do some alligator breakaways. So join me over there. Also, be sure to follow me on Instagram because you guys know what I'm doing right now. Okay, so I matched with this guy on Tinder. And usually, like, I shred people on Tinder and like put it on Instagram like if they're douches. Oh, I matched with someone who I recognized because he robbed someone I know and is like wanted by the police or possibly in jail. So I'm like, "Catfishing, possibly a catfish." I'm breaking the whole thing down on my Instagram under the highlight "Crime Bae." So check it out. It's ongoing. Like, he just snapchatted me. So I'm after I do this video, I'm gonna like open it and keep adding because it's a wild ride and we're all on it together. So let's talk about Malik and Larsa.
Okay, so this was like back in late 2020. Um, he was spotted walking around a mall. You took your girlfriend on a date like with a bag from Macy's. He took this. Okay, he took Larsa on a date to Macy's. And they both, he looked like Ronald McDonald who works at Hot Topic. She looked like a [ __ ] blacksmith. I don't understand what these outfits are for two ostensibly very rich people. And Larsa's got a whole bunch of [ __ ] because she's kind of been known as like, I mean, she's messy. She's messy. And she's older. She's 46. Now, you know, I am never gonna trash a woman for going after a young guy because I think he's 23, 24, something like that. He's, yeah, he's 24. I mean, she's like, well, literally almost twice his age. I love it. You know, age is not an indicator of maturity, as I've found out. It's not. And perhaps Larsa is indicative of that. Maybe she's not very mature because she certainly isn't handling this situation, nor any of these messy situations in which she constantly finds herself, with any sort of aplomb, poise, dignity. She's acting like she's exactly 23 also, or maybe even a little younger. So they were like pictured out and about. And his baby mama, this Instagram model, she's beautiful, Montana Yao, at the time was like, "Wow, I don't even know this man. I'm seeing this for the first time, just like you guys are." And she was just like blindsided. And we did a video on it back then. Um, I think maybe it was like, "How to Handle Being Cheated On Publicly" and like how incredibly humiliating it is. I'm sorry, camera. And so, I mean, they were like out and about and posting a couple of pics and stuff. Like Malik did not seem to be regretting this at all. But Montana, at the time, filed for a divorce. And she said on social media that she was, I, I was hearing their like baby son was told to leave our family home 10 days ago. And just like you all, I'm pretty confused. There have been no public or private addressing of the situation or any type of apology. So he like shafted her. Like, so him and Larsa like broke up a few weeks ago, a month ago, something like that. We haven't really heard much about it. And now Malik is piping up in a very, very big way. The old Instagram grand gesture. So we posted a picture, I think of like, this looks like him and Montana when their baby son was born. And I'm going to read you what he wrote in his horrible grammar. I mean, okay, he's very talented in some areas, but I'd perhaps not a Pulitzer in his future. "I want to say sorry for putting you in the situation you were put in in the last few months. My head wasn't where it was supposed to be." I think he means where wasn't where it was supposed to be. "I was looking for more when it was right here that whole time. I'm telling the world and you that there's nobody like you for me. For the record, I was the one who ended my last relationship off the fact that there's no one like you." He means he's the one who dumped Larsa. "Also for the record, I wanted to do my own ish because I just left you guys. And I death ain't the type to set up pictures at the mall and ish." And [ __ ] I think that's what that means. As that's some childish ish. And I'm trying to grow individually and grow a family, a real family. I'm looking to be judged. I'm looking for forgiveness. To forgive me for hurting my family the way I did. At the end of the day, I'm a lover boy and I miss holding you all and loving y'all. I love you, Mushi. I love you, Kai Kai. My family over thing." I believe he means family over everything. But just family over thing. Family over noun, person, place, or thing. You know, when we talk about like the shy guy, you know, like a shy guy, but he's too shy to come after me, so I've got to chase him. Oh, he's too like broken to come after me. And you know what I always say to you guys? Whether it's individual, because you guys can submit questions to me at shounenlesser.com, or it's on here. You know what I say? If a guy wants you, he'll make it known. And it might not be ultra smooth. It might not look like a Noah Centineo rom-com. Oh, he's like, "I can smell him from here." It might not be smooth. Malik writing this, not very smooth. Not grammar check. There's two periods. I think he means them to be an ellipsis. He's all over the place grammatically, but he says it. And he puts it out there. And he doesn't care if he looks semi-literate. He doesn't care if he says "family over thing." He is trying to get his point across to the woman he loves. Remember this, that a man who is not exactly like, Captain Feelings, you know, like he's, he's a dude, he's a jock, he's a bro jock. Well, still get the message across when it's important. If a man is not getting that message across to you, it's because it's not important. And I know what you think, like, "Well, no, no, but he's, he's broken, he's this." Okay, therefore, it's not important enough for him to fix these things to get what he wants. It's just not. Do you know that I'm talking to myself right now? I am lecturing myself. Sometimes I do these videos as sort of like, that like my own therapy. But like, I need this reminder in a big way right now. And you guys probably do too. So Montana had some things to say. Well, you wanna hear first what Larsa had to say? She posted on her Instagram Stories like where she airs all of her grievances. Just a clown emoji. A clown. And then her rep, like her, was like, "Larsa doesn't care. Larsa doesn't care. Larsa is happy to be out of this relationship. She's the one who ended it. She's focused on her business." Larsa Marie, girl, save it. Save the [ __ ] plug. Like, nobody cares about your business. I don't even know what it is. Is it an MLM? I don't care. So like Larsa, I think looked like the clown by posting that clown emoji. The classy route would have been like, "You know what? I always saw great things in Malik and I'm happy to see that he's choosing his family because family is so important. Things with us didn't work out and I didn't know the extent of how like how it went down." I thought she could, if she wanted to shade him, she came in like, I thought that he broke up with her in like an ethical way. Like, I thought that he did. But he didn't. And like, when I kind of figured out the depth of that, I distanced myself from the situation. So I wish him well and I wish Montana well. That would have been the classy move. Or say nothing. Just, if you want to look so unbothered, don't bother. Just don't even bother, right?
So Montana wrote back. She posted back Makai, their son. "And I do appreciate Malik's apology. It's hard to own up to bad decisions and apologize, especially publicly. So it's really appreciated. My main priority would be my son. Um, this is a step towards healing for me. And also having Malik be part of Makai's life because he deserves to have a father. At the end of the day, we're both his parents. I'm praying for the sake." Sun, sun, sun, sun raisin with love, respect, happiness. And mostly. Why am I glossing through that? Okay, because it's boring. I don't care. But it's not a, "I love you, I'm taking you back." But it's also not a no. It's not a no. Like she's spilled the tea before. Like she's been like messy back. And I think if it was really a no, she'd be like, "You could go [ __ ] yourself. Like, you can take your [ __ ] too. Too little, too late apologies. Back to the goddamn Macy's [ __ ] food court. Get one of those stupid Godiva chocolate bars they have at the checkout and [ __ ] yourself with it." She could say that, you know? But she didn't. And that to me, all I read through between the lines of her like response is the open door. And you know, it's that Khloe Kardashian thing of co-parenting. We're gonna co-parent for the baby. Okay. I think we all know. Of course, she's probably still in love with him. It's her husband. It's the father of her child. I haven't gotten over a dude I liked in 10th grade. Do you think this woman got over her husband in like five months? No. No, no. It's a sad fact how long people have to get us back, right? Isn't it? Like when you actually quantify it, it's like, [ __ ] like if you're wounded about someone and you write like, "Look how long it's been." You're like, "Okay." You know? And especially if it's someone who lived in like that myth and infamy. Like we talk about this with Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin. Like when he dumped her and started taking it with Sofia Richie, right? Remember that? And she was just so wounded. Like, of course, you're gonna give that person another chance. Almost out of like a nostalgia. Almost out of like respect to the former version of yourself that you were. Even if you're over him, it's like, "But I wanted this for so long. I wanted him to come back for so long." Of course, of course, I'm gonna see what happens. You know, we do this. But, but what I'm interested in is what made Malik have this switch? Right? Because he had been like after Larsa for a while. He was like commenting thirsty things on her Instagram. "Let me treat you like a queen." I think that was him, right? It doesn't matter. But like, how did Montana do this? If you are in the middle of a guy who has dropped you and is taken up with someone else in a very public way, it's like, "What do I do?" Enter stage left, Olivia Rodrigo.
Now, I don't know about you, but I spent my weekend laying in bed and being morose and listening to the Olivia Rodrigo album. Something about that album, like, even if you don't have a boyfriend or broken heart, you'll get one after listening to it. I was talking with Nicole, who runs uh, the fan account Alligator 143. Hello. We're talking about this and she's like, "I think Olivia's overrated. It's like, it's just because Taylor like co-signed her that everyone's like, Olivia." I'm like, "Yeah, like Taylor's breakup songs and revenge songs, there's so much subtlety there and so much like, there's so much metaphor and relatability. They're like, no matter how extreme your situation, like it hits you." Olivia's is like, let's just say had that album been released when I was in high school, I would still be incarcerated. I would still be incarcerated. I would have been arrested outside Jared's house. Oh, it would, it would have been bad. Think, I, I like listen to it at cringe, knowing what I would have done if I wasn't currently an adult. Like, because it's just like, like, it's so much vitriol. It's all of us in 10th grade. Like, it's just so intense. And I saw a tweet that was like, "The more I listen to Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo, the more I understand why the guy chose the other girl." But it's like, it's true. You listen to Olivia's songs and you're like, "I wouldn't want to spend 15 minutes alone with this person when they were in that state." No thanks. I'm glad we have the filter of Spotify between us. I say this because Olivia is an example of what not to do. And someone like Montana, and also, I'm gonna stitch in Hailey Baldwin to this. Well, we'll talk about it. Is the example of what you do do. I'm also going to loop in an unlikely source. Queen Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth. I don't know if you guys watch The Crown. I got into, I was like, late to the games. I'm late to everything. I never am like on the cutting edge. Never. But there was a part that stood out. It was like, there's some rumors swirling, bubba bar, like Prince Charles wanted to look, um, in his ears. He's like, "Mummy, I want to respond to these rumors." And she's like, "Non-reaction is the hardest thing of all, Charles. It is our life's work. Non-reaction is the hardest thing of all." And if you want your boyfriend back, non-reaction is exactly what you must do. But he needs to know. Nope. What are you after here? What are you after? Normally, I say peace or victory. All right, you're after [ __ ] victory, aren't you? Normally, we say, "Oh, let's go after peace. Let it go. Move on." You want your man back. You listen to me, baby girl. I'm gonna tell you what to do. These people who are like, "Get it out. Express yourself. Write a letter." I mean, you can, you will never speak to that guy again. You will never. Nope. Nope. Because if you get dumped or you get left, the only thing you have is your dignity. And dignity equals silence. What's that Oscar Wilde quote? Or maybe it's Mark Twain. "It's better for people to think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." Right? The more you talk, you're just giving him bullet after bullet after bullet after bullet for his gun to shoot this relationship dead. If your man has dumped you, he's taken up with someone else, you say nothing. There are no subtweets. There are no subtle digs on Instagram. There are no liking shady posts. There is not even blocking. I don't block anyone. You want to see my life? Go right ahead. It's your funeral. I'm so sorry you have to see how wonderful I am. I'm not gonna block you. I probably won't even unfollow you. There is the mute button. You need to look unbothered. And you need to be ice cold. Ice cold. Ice cold. Because what Montana did, right? I mean, and look, maybe she did this, maybe not. We're gonna go for like, all intents and purposes, this is what she did. That she didn't beg for him back. That she didn't talk [ __ ] about Larsa. That she didn't engage in some messy thing. She's like, "Okay, I wish she hadn't sat on social media like, 'He kicked me out of the house. This hasn't been a dress.' I wish he'd done that. But I am inclined to believe that she like iced him out because he came back in such a big public way, right? They can't miss you if they haven't lost you. And sometimes men need a big dose of what they think they want in order to get over it. Nothing destroys a crush like data, right? Have you ever had a crush on a guy and you've actually like gone on a road trip with him? Or you know, spent time at a corporate retreat together? Or like had to have like him as your lab partner? And you're just like, "Uh." If you're being honest with yourself, the more time you spend around someone you're obsessed with, the less you kind of are into it. This goes back to the hurt locker thing. This goes back to our mythologist, mythologization, yes, of the people we obsess with over. I mean, and why we obsess over them. You know, are they an emotional getaway car? Are they someone who we think is gonna save us? Are they some version of ourselves we want to be? Right? What do they represent? And if you can just be honest with yourself and be like, "They might represent something. They might represent something." Okay, data is going to cut that in half. Data is going to be this true serum squirted into this. And you'd be like, "Ah, oh my god, what?" You clap when the plane lands. Holy mother of God, right? And this is not something specific to women. In fact, guys are victim to this more than anyone. You know why? Because they're stupid and they're bamboozled by [ __ ] which we all have. We all have one. And yet they're like, "Well, there's one over there. Like, there's one here. I own it. You, you've seen it. Why that one? Because it's different." Oh, okay. Okay. I will never forget. I will never forget one of my mom's best friends. Like when I was growing up, I was like nine. Like, I don't know why she was telling me this. Her husband like took up with his secretary. Just the most cliche thing you could imagine. And you know what she did? She bought them each a plane ticket to Hawaii and paid for a hotel room for them for a week. Bye. Go ahead. Have fun. He came back [ __ ] begging her, begging to have her back. Because she had, first of all, been like, "Cool. I would love. I am so glad you decided this. I would love to be by myself. I don't need you anymore. Bye." And she forced him to get that data input. She forced the logging of data points. She forced the like, the the stripping away of the mythology cloak. And therefore, you strip away lust. What is lust? It's not getting to [ __ ] someone. I mean, really, the definition of pleasure is not getting what you want right away. The definition of desire, of lust, of obsession is having something just out of reach. So let him reach it. Now. Exactly. This is what Queen Elizabeth was talking about. This is the hardest thing in the world. This is the hardest thing in the world. That's the hardest thing in the world. But what do you want? Do you want to feel good now, in the moment? Do you want to be Olivia Rodrigo all over the place and tear your hair out and like stage a weird coup at Hot Topic? No. You want your man back. War is strategy.
So yeah, I want to bring up Hailey Baldwin at this point because you guys know that I'm like fascinated by the Hailey-Justin dynamic because it's so, to me, it's so representative of a situation so many of us have been in where you meet a guy, he's like your first love or just like this intense, crazy hurt locker fuckboy, and he just boom, like body slams you. He annihilated Hailey after they dated in 2016. Like, he just like dumped her. And she was, I mean, devastated. Devastated. But he was in such chaos. He was in such chaos that it was impossible for him to be with someone like her. Someone who is not in that level of chaos. I mean, she's young, but she is not chaotic like Justin. You know, she is a stabilizing force to him. And then he almost immediately took up with, I mean, first there was this endless melange of like Instagram hoes. Like, I mean, I'm going to call them hoes because they like sold his nudes. They like took pictures of his dick and sold it to TMZ. Like, go [ __ ] yourself. I did get to see them though, and they're pretty nice. They came through our desk at Star. Really great, actually. Anyway, I, I'd fight over him too. And then he took up with Sofia Richie. I was like posting her a ton on Instagram. And like, I just, I, it's so weird how often I think of this. It's what's sad because like Hailey said nothing. Nothing. You know whose [ __ ] ass chimed in? The whisper goose, huh? I want a kidney. Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez. I don't, you guys remember this? All this drama. I like recently reread about it. She was the one commenting on Justin's photos with Sofia because he was like, "Guys, stop the backlash against my girlfriend, Sofia. I'm gonna delete my account." And Selena's like, "Um, if you don't, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen." Like, then don't post photos. She was inserting herself. There was like, whatever. But everyone in that triangle was messy. Was messy. Like Sofia was messy. Justin was messed up. Selena was messy. And you know who wasn't? Hailey. She was dying behind the scenes. Dying. But in public, as far as anyone knew, nothing. There was no data. Does she love him? Does she hate him? Does she want him back? Does she want him dead? Is she already dating someone else? Who knows? Mystery is your greatest weapon. It is your greatest weapon. Please employ it strategically. Just employ it. At all. The truth. The truth is the most useless, ridiculous weapon that anyone could have in their arsenal for anything on planet Earth. Anything. Look at any military battle throughout history. How often was the truth part of military strategy? Oh, you know, we said we were over that hill. We're not. No, I ate all. No, we're not. No, we're not there at all. Um, oh no, we're like still in England. No, we're not there. Okay, bye. No, sorry for the bluff. Is that what happened? No. So why do you think the truth is gonna set you free? Because you've got this itch, you want to scratch. You want to get it out. If you really never want to see this person again, sure, fine. Get it out. If you're like, "No, this is over, over, over, over, over. I'm going to say everything." When things went south with a boy that I dated for a while and I loved, and he cheated on me, I mean, all I said was, "Goodbye, my pup. Goodbye." Three words. And he's like, "The fact that you didn't care enough to argue." He's like, "My blood ran cold. It broke me. It broke me." I thought you were gonna be like, "And you were just like, 'Goodbye.'" And that was strategy. And oh god, did he come crawling back. Ah, of course, he came crawling back. Of course. And Hailey being silent meant Justin came crawling back to her. Because there was no new data from Hailey. Because look, look, look. This is the Olivia Rodrigo principle. If you come out with this like just like vitriol and everything, that guy is going to see that and you know what he's going to say? "Yikes. I made the right call. Damn. Look how crazy she is." Whether he believes you're crazy or not is irrelevant. Because you know what he's trying to believe? He's trying to believe that he's not the bad guy. Men are motivated by their ego. And honestly, by their cowardice. They don't want to feel like they're the bad guy. They don't want to feel like they've made a mistake. You want to be like, "Oh, I did the right thing." Sofia Richie. Like, they want to think that, "I know what I'm doing." And if you add in data where you look crazy, and he, you do look like someone he should probably get away from. And I don't want to talk to her. Then you're, you're pushing him towards this other outcome faster than any other woman can. You are breaking your own heart. You were the architect of your own misfortune. But if you live in this silence, if there is a vacuum in his life, a Hailey Baldwin-shaped hole where you used to be, then you know what he thinks about when he thinks of you? The good times. He thinks about the good times. The head rubs in the morning. The baby, "How was your day?" The birthday dinners. The kisses at the bar. That's what he thinks about. All that bad stuff, it burns away. And you know when it burns away? When he's getting those data points from this new [ __ ] where it's like, "Oh, she's, why is she sending me a picture of her butthole at noon on a Tuesday? I'm, I'm at work. Why? What? Why is she like screaming at me? And then it's 2 AM and she's pounding on my door and she's yelling at my roommates and she's pulling a knife on me." Oh, the bad things about your relationship. Um, those memories are going to get a little hazy. They're not very bright. I think some of them are. But like, if they're the kind of man who's just following their dick around, that's another vagina. He's not keeping like this crystal clear record of your relationship. He will. He will start to juxtapose this beautiful phantasm of you against the very real reality of her. And then you know what's happened? The roles have reversed, haven't they? Because before he was juxtaposing the reality of you against the incredible, orgasmic fantasy of this new [ __ ]. Isn't it funny how by doing nothing, you can impact everything? By silence, you turn the tide of the battle. And it's hard. It's hard. But it's strategy. And war is hard. War is about self-control. War isn't, it's as much about what you don't do as about what you do do. We have to be strategic about this. And people are going to tell you not to. You just call him [ __ ] her, DM her, papa. You know why? They want drama. There's no consequences for people telling you this. Even if your friends love you, it's, we love a blood sport. You know, I'm a Roman woman. Blood sports are the only sports in ancient Rome. Like, we love to watch a bloodbath. Don't listen to people who are doing that. Listen to your most strategic friend. And that might just be me. It might only be me. That's okay. Listen to me. I know what I'm talking about. So yeah, you have my mom's friend who's like, "Bye. Have fun in Hawaii." Didn't anticipate that move, right? My other friend, her boyfriend like broke up with her out of nowhere, one time, like out of nowhere, basically on Valentine's Day. And she iced him out. And they lived together. They lived together. Or no, they hadn't. Close, close enough. They've been together like five years. Like this was not like a casual relationship. And she's like, "Okay, bye." And within like six weeks. I remember it is like 48 hours. But she's like, "Oh no, no, it was like six or eight weeks." That [ __ ] was on his hands and knees calling, calling, calling. Gifts, gifts, gifts. And she's like, "I don't talk to you." She finally, when she would answer, she'd be like, "I'm still processing things. I don't, I don't need to talk to you. We can meet up in September." It was June. And he's like, "Okay, yeah. Oh, okay. Thanks." Iced him out. Iced him out. The most frightening thing of all that a man can ever encounter is a woman who doesn't care. A woman who doesn't even care enough to fight. There's a Sam Hunt song called "Nothing Lasts Forever." I had to listen to it a bunch of times. Um, because I kind of didn't, I didn't get the deeper meaning at first. I was just like, "Oh yeah, nothing lasts forever." But it's about how he's like begging this woman to just say something. "Tell me you love me. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you feel sorry for me. Say anything." But nothing. Because nothing, nothingness lasts forever. The silence of a woman will deafen a fuckboy. It will deafen him. Because if this man is jumping around from [ __ ] to [ __ ], it's got a pretty healthy ego, I'd say. And he's assuming, based on past results or his own narcissism, that, "Oh, she'll still be there. She's going to come after me. She's going to tweet me when she's drunk. She's going to do this. She's going to Snapchat." And if you don't, he's gonna be like, "She didn't text me. Um, I wonder why. Didn't she care? She'd at least be mad. Just care enough to communicate." And when you don't, when you can show him, "No, I actually don't care." Of course you do. You're like crying on the bathroom floor. That's fine. That's fine. I'm not saying that any of these machinations have to be rooted in how you're actually feeling. No, this is [ __ ] strategy. And this strategy must continue over all aspects of your life. Not just direct one-on-one contact. Like I said, no subtweeting. No like, "Oh, sad. I'm so emo things." Nothing on any network. Don't post a [ __ ] playlist. Nothing. Also, you talk neither to him nor about him. He is a dead man. He is a ghost. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Yeah." If you live in a small town, which most of us do, you don't know who's listening, who's getting back to what. That you can control this narrative only if you control yourself. This all starts here, right? If you're putting out a message that is contrary to your own goals, dude, literally, like, "Don't shoot the messenger." When people are passing, I was like, "Oh yeah, no, she's really upset. She was like crying at Panera and everything." Nope. If that means you need to stay home, if you need, "Oh gosh, I'm just like studying for the LSAT," but you're at home crying and watching Law & Order, fine. It's about what you present, okay? And no, it's not going to be easy. It's not. Is it going to work? Yeah. But I know what you're saying, "Well, what if it doesn't? What if it doesn't?" Then you still come out a winner. Do you know why? Because you still have your dignity. That man can walk out of your life. He can take your heart. He can take your version of your future. He can't take your dignity unless you hand it to him on the way out. Unless you're groveling and crying and "I'm sorry" and "Come back" and you keep doing that even after he's gone. You are angry on social media, or you're doing something worse. You're trying to pretend like you've already moved on and you're like, "Manically happy." Right? We've, a lot of us have swung into that direction. And that can be just as destructive. Because again, it's so, it's so apparent. It's so apparent that it's like, "Okay, the opposite of love isn't hate. It's apathy." On your networks, the party line, business as usual. Business as usual. You guys didn't even know when I got divorced. Business as usual, right? Because look, whether or not that's going to bring someone back, you can stand alone in your dignity. So much of the time, we look back on painful breakups. Yes, it's the actions they've done to us and the heartbreak. But a lot of times, it's our own actions. Like I said, listen to the Olivia album. It's like, I'm just thinking about how crazy I was when I was like 15. Weren't we all? If you're 15, I'm so sorry, but try to keep it to a dull roar. I promise, promise you, you'll thank me later. But like, it's how we acted after the fact. I mean, it's like Braveheart. "They can take our lives, but they can't take our freedom." You know? You can take my heart, you can break it. I'm more than just that. I'm more than just my love for you. I loved you, but I love me more. And you've clowned me. Well, dude, I'm not gonna help you. And that, I'm not gonna clown myself and look desperate or bothered or anything. I think it's really important that we let go of the idea that we have to publicly own our emotions and express every emotion we've ever had. It's not healthy. Because again, what is your strategy? What is your goal? What is your goal? To just get it? "I just need to get it out." Okay, well, all right, you're not gonna get what you want. Think of this in terms of food, right? You know, I love to copy and paste a dynamic into an alternate, like, logistical situation to like snap it into clarity. If you have a beach vacation coming up and you want to be thin looking in your bikini, are you gonna eat those donuts? But I just, "No, I want to. This is like my truth and I need to live it." Okay, don't come crying to me when you feel fat in your swimsuit, right? You can't have it all. We cannot move through the world in this animalistic, reactive, instinctive like behavior and then expect strategic results. We can't move through the world in this knee-jerk, just flying by the seat of our pants way and expect positive outcomes. If we do get positive outcomes, they will literally just be an accident. A broken clock is still right twice a day, you know? We have to control ourselves to get controlled outcomes. Think about school. If you maybe go to class, maybe not, [ __ ] you professors. Stuart, man, do you think you're magically gonna end up valedictorian? That you're just gonna happen to get into Harvard Law? Probably not. You act in chaos, you get chaos. You act in strategy, you get strategically targeted results based on what you truly want and need for your life. And it sucks. Ugh, sucks so bad. It sucks so bad. Just like dieting sucks. Just like studying sucks. Just like any other path of sanity and dignity and self-control sucks. But we do it for the strategic outcome. So get it out of your mind that love, because it's like, I don't know, it's just like love. It just like exists beyond logic. No, it [ __ ] doesn't. For chaotic, lonely people, it does. You're not one of those people. It exists exactly within the realm of strategy, logic, and self-control, like every other thing that's positive and healthy in our life does. Do not for a second tell yourself you are a slave to your instinct. [ __ ] instinct. We talked about this in a recent video. People's instincts like pee wherever they want. Do you do it? No, you don't. So get your head out of your ass and stop telling yourself. And don't let anyone else tell you that that's how you have to operate. You are an emotional warlord. And your first order of business, the first land to conquer, is your own. Every warlord's first victory, first conquest, are their own people, right? Yes. That's what you do. Then you expand out. You get a grip on yourself. How do you do this? Practice self-control. This needs to be the name of the game. You put yourself on a schedule. And I, I mean, you can have a schedule for being sad. When I'm heartbroken, I have like, "Sad O'Clock." I have "Cry O'Clock." I do. I put it in my calendar. I'm like, "Yeah, this is when I cry." And I just, I spend 45 minutes or whatever I need to lay in bed and just be like, "Oh god." And then the alarm goes back off and I'm like, "Okay, yeah, we're going back to work." And I go back to my life. Everything is regimented. And that allows me to get things out in a way that's contained and controlled. A controlled emotional burn, like a forest fire, in a way that's healthy. That's tough. But if you can practice that, if you can practice that discipline in your life overall, imagine if you used this heartbreak instead of a, a setback. It was a setup. Instead of using this to get bitter, Olivia Rodrigo, and like annihilate your reputation. Can you imagine who on earth would want to date her now? I mean, she's adorable and talented. But if you were a dude and you listened to that, you'd be like, because it's obvious she wrote those songs. I mean, they're like real. Who are they about? I forget. But if you can use this time to cultivate self-control. And I know this is the last thing you want to do. It feels like insult to injury, doesn't it? How dare you tell me that when I'm in this like raw wound state that what I have to do is self-control? That I have to be disciplined? Now, have you ever had surgery? Or like, you broke a bone? You know, the first thing they make you do? Get up, walk around, use your foot, bend your arm, walk on that hip. I mean, they're not here for your sob story, right? That's what a good doctor does. Like, "I know you're in pain. Get up. We're doing this anyway." This is the crucial time. This is the crucial time when we need to keep things moving, keep things going so that they don't solidify in this broken state and you're broken forever. Our emotions aren't different. If we entrench into this, "Well, this is who I am." Look at Olivia. Her whole brand now is victim. Now she's a pop star. And obviously this is curated. But let's, you know, let's say that she's not. Let's just pretend that this is an example of someone we know being like, "Ah, just whiling out after a breakup." Because we've seen this in real life. We've probably been it. Might maybe PR. I have. So once you get used to that, once you sort of explore that emotional territory of insanity and lashing out and dialing down your dignity and begging and looking desperate, well, it's really easy to go back there again. This is even a psychological principle about lying. It's, I think it's called like the comfort of deception. What's it called? Like the, something like that. But it's basically like, you know, you hear about con men, like Ponzi schemers and whatever. And it's like, "How could they lie like this?" Well, they didn't start out lying like this. Serial killers don't like go from like model citizen to like stabbing a hooker in a truck stop parking lot. It escalates. Everything escalates. And you become more and more and more comfortable with your own self-evil, right? And then this is just the norm. So to wrap it up, ice, ice, ice, ice. Have time that you can really express your emotion. Have friends that you can truly venture. When I say don't talk to him or about him, I need to people who, who I might get back to. You got a sister, a best friend, a mom. Absolutely. Absolutely. Get it out. You know, process. See a therapist. Why not? But keep strategy forever in mind. Do the mind mapping that I talk about. What are you going to do if X, Y, Z happens? Go into worst-case scenarios. And I've had to do that recently. And it's like, it's awful. You know, like I've done that. And it's like, "Well, what am I gonna do if they post something crazy? If they do this? If they do that?" It's like, but when I have a predetermined response, then when that happens, I'm not in this fight or flight state anymore. And I can deploy the predetermined weapon, which is usually silence. You know, maybe not. And I feel better. I feel better about it. So I want to know what you guys have to say. When you have gotten dumped or when a guy has left, what did you do that got him back? I guarantee you, overwhelmingly, you guys are gonna say, "I let that [ __ ] go." "You want to go date her? Fine. Bye. Have fun." Or don't. "I could give a [ __ ]." I guarantee that's what you're gonna say. But I want to know. Tell me in the comments section. Uh, I really, really want to know. And also, be sure to click the link below to join me in Mexico. It's going to be so fun. I'm going to have a sprint and it's going to be fantastic. I'll see you later, challengers. [Music]