Transcription
[Applause] Okay. [Music] [Music] Let me just tell you how these met reports work. Ladies, you are going to continue to give them forever. Gentlemen, the problem is you get stressed out because you think you're supposed to remember all this. She doesn't care if you remember all this stuff; just be present with her as it happens, and she's done.
However, for ladies, if your man is willing to take in this better part, what's really lonely stresses about it would be really useful to try to keep them to a limit of about three minutes. Pack as much as you want him because after that, there's no land left.
All right, when I was 14, I was gang-raped at a high school party by seniors in high school, and they still live in the community that I live in, and I still live there. You know, it was a story that I let—I was addicted to it, admittedly. When I went to UPW in November 2016, it was the first time I actually talked about the event out loud to anybody. But still, in my soul, it was my identity.
Just to help everyone here, what needs to be seen is that it really didn't happen. This is not right, but some people take a horrific experience and they live to control the rest of their life. They don't do it just because it's painful; they do it because it meets many of their needs. The greatest addiction in our life, by the way, is problems. Problems give us a reason to justify that we are enough, even though we don't seem to be today, and that we aren't worthy of love, even if others seem to be.
It's not my fault that I have ADHD; it's that I was raped. By the way, it's a weakness, so it's true, but that's not why you're in pain right now. I'm going to paint right now because you keep replaying it. I wouldn't want to rent space in my mind ever again. She's managed to do that, but the only way she could do that is if she can figure out how her problems meet her needs.
Most people's problems are a way to get significance with that recipe because if you get significance, normally you have to take risks. You have to try to risk doing something so you can achieve something. See, you can achieve some level of significance in your life, in your business, your finances, or within yourself so that you feel like you might be worthy of love. But for most people, the scariest thing is whether it doesn't work.
So what's a lot faster than doing the total schooling of town, blowing up everybody else's building, or having a big enough problem you can say, "It's not my fault"? Because of that, the truth is I hear in D.C. Sam, so for fun, relationships, because I've heard before, everybody's been hurt at different levels. You're just using that as the excuse because we're all fearful you're going to do it anyway.
It's like the other day when the young man was on stage. Yes, I'm still feeling it wasn't fear; what I knew just pushed him forward. This is what you do: if you feel like diving into the pit, don't back off. Storm in; kill it. Because what you're going to find is most of what you fear is an illusion. You're more than anything that could ever happen to you. You are spirit or a soul, but your mind will use it to hang on to meet your needs.
That's why you get what you tolerate. If you tolerate this kind of pain, you'll have it ongoing. So what needs are we meeting? And then we even take you to the store like they're doing something so valuable. You're going to free some other people by your example. Most people never dreamed they could overcome. You better, especially in the same community.
So what needs are we meeting? And then please continue your certainty. Yeah, how are we getting significance and certainty by hanging on to the story? You started paying ugly, living it, keeping it because I actually felt like the story was making me unique and special. [Music]
How do we gain certainty by hanging on to it? Being, "Hey, if I could just take myself back to that moment, I could certify I had a certain length of pain." Like I knew I could experience whatever I want. In other words, it was her emotional one. She knew, and even though she didn't like it, she knew it.
This week, go for what is comfortable, even if comfort is discomfort. It sounds illogical, but when it's all you know for so many years, you go there until you don't. [Music] Right? No one can tell her that because she would just be angry. She could only have that kind of self-honesty with herself. That's how she starts to free herself.
Please continue. So I really UVW, and I vocalized it, and I received love from people. I just realized I wasn't that monster. Or you realize I was beyond truth. Yes, and so I realized that my suffering was maybe—I don't know—to share. I've made it my life's work to overcome it. But my breakthrough was that I've overcome.
But it's one thing to overcome something, but then being able to tell it from a place of joy, right? Not just from that, just free. You know, it's like I don't know. I know what the gift [Music] relationships that I've overcome it by overachieving in business. I'm in everything except for with my husband because my husband's love is him, and it's not scarce.
I know he's going to love me no matter what. But for me, Zach was about controlling or being controlled. If I wasn't controlling the moment, then I assumed I was being controlled, no matter how tender it was or not, because I played that in my head. You talked about it a couple of days ago. Yes, I worked so hard to get to here. [Applause]
So I realized that I changed my story everywhere else but not here. I realized that I need to change my story. So my story now is that yes, I was raped when I was 14. I was gang-raped by four. Yes, I found it in my heart and soul for God's grace to give them the same grace and forgiveness. I've overcome everything in my life. I've created a business. I'm a flattened partner. I'm talking to Tony Robbins. [Applause]
But I've also found a way to still experience real inner beauty in making love with my husband because to hide the scent of him [Music] don't love me. All I'm doing is bringing that in bed, and I'm like, "What are you doing? You don't need that." He's there; he's just love. And when he was, instead of going into those lovemaking moments with fear, who's going to be on top and receive your love and trust? No. Does he know he's in Texas taking care of the kids? [Applause] [Music]