Transcription
But it doesn't mean that everyone that you have a conversation with, including your leaders in the organization you might stand in, have this same skill yet. And I like to say yet because everyone has the possibility to learn it. So you will be on the receiving end very often in what I don't call courageous conversations but as you said more like criticism full of judgment full of this is how I would do it so you should do it like this or um you made me feel bad so you need to change or so it's very much about you and not very vulnerable because vulnerability is about owning your part right and trying to bridge towards someone else and what they need.
>> Yes.
>> And so what I try to teach, and this is what I think you're talking about, is when you're hearing something from somebody which is not yet leveled up, they're not good at having these conversations. It's not that you're going to go in and teach them like, "Oh, no. This is not a courageous conversation, so let's change it." But like you said, it's it's not that you're ignoring it, but you have a thick skin in the way of okay, this person is giving me a gift. They're sharing with me their world, but it doesn't actually have to do with me. Because you may do something that absolutely triggers somebody which had an abusive father or maybe they're neurode divergent and super triggered by things or maybe it could be anything. And the same exact behavior with other people won't trigger, >> you know, like so you're hearing this and you're just, okay, I just learned something about this person. And what you can do sometimes softly, I call it leading up. Uh, help them realize their need that's underneath there. So when they're calling you um irresponsible and not caring, you don't attach to those things because you know they don't know how yet to not judge. and they don't know how to stop calling names. But what I hear here is that quality is kind of important to them. So you bring it back to the right place and you can say um I I hear that uh quality is something you need and you can just see their like because they feel seen you know and and that's that's how the conversations change you know like or you can say you know I'm not thriving here because the skills that I have to bring are not what you need and the stuff that you give me is not what I need. So maybe it's not going to work, but it it doesn't mean you're bad or I'm bad.