Song of Solomon 5 | The Godly Husband | 12.15.24

[Music] But here in Song of Solomon Chapter 5, verse 1, it says, "I've come to my garden, my sister, my spouse; I've gathered my myrrh with my spice; I've eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I've drunk my wine with my milk." And then he goes on to say, "Eat, O friends; drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones."

Now, Chapter 4 was speaking concerning Solomon as he was speaking to his wife, who is referred to as the Shulamite. And Chapter 5, verse 1, actually is a continuation of what is called Chapter 4. And so, with verse 1, that actually is concluding the fourth chapter, and so that's still Solomon speaking. And we'll look at that in just a moment.

Now, what we're looking at, so I can give you a context, is in this particular passage that Solomon, the King, has consummated his marriage. But he's continuing his praise for his wife, and poetically he's telling her how fulfilling she is as his wife has been to him. And he is telling her everything that blesses him about her.

Now, what we're doing is we're going through the Song of Solomon. I mentioned to you that Song of Solomon is divided into three sections. And the first portion would be what we refer to as dating. The second portion is the consummation, or the wedding itself, things pertaining to that. And then the last speaks concerning the marriage itself and things that relate to marriage. And so, for those who may be joining us for the first time, that's what Song of Solomon's all about. And so we've spoken to those who are single, we're speaking to those now who are married in this particular instance. And what we're looking at relates to the honeymoon and the honeymoon days. And then finally, we'll continue on to be looking at it as marriage as it continues into the years. And so Solomon is praising his wife, and he's about to speak to his wedding guests.

What I wanted to do, and I didn't do this last week, is I wanted to give you a little more information that can help you put into context what's taking place here. And so I wanted to give you some general wedding details, things that took place during the time of the writing of the Song of Solomon. In the ancient times, wedding customs in Israel were divided basically into three parts. You had what was called the marriage covenant. And in the marriage covenant, there was simply an agreement between the fathers of the groom and the bride. And they would make an agreement concerning the marriage that was to take place. And in that agreement, they would have what was called the dowry, or the bride price. And so if the bride was highly valued, the bride price would be quite high. And so they would have what was called the bride price, or the dowry.

Now, they would be making their covenant, and then there would be a period of time that would pass until the actual wedding ceremony. Now, the groom didn't know exactly when that would take place, so he had to be waiting for the father. And the father would say, "It's time." And then the groom would go. And I'll give you some more insight in just a moment. But the groom would go from his father's house to the bride's home so that he might take her as his own.

Now, when they originally made the covenant agreement, when they were making the agreement for marriage and all, the groom, at the conclusion of the agreement, and when everything had been decided, the groom would normally stand up and give a brief speech. And the speech is pretty much the same: "He would say, 'I go to prepare a house for you. And if I go and prepare it, I will come again and receive you to myself, that where I am, there you may be also.'" Does that sound familiar? That's what Jesus said in John 14. And so the groom said, as the bride price has been determined, what's the bride price from the Christian perspective? In terms of Christ, the bride price is redemption. It's the blood of Christ. The value of the bride is demonstrated by the fact that God was willing to send his Son, Jesus, to die on a cross to redeem us. And so in that agreement, that covenant, when the speech would be made, it is what Jesus said in John 14 when he said, "I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I'll come again and receive you unto myself, and that where I am, there you may be also." And so that would have been part of the first portion of the wedding custom.

The second part would be when the bridegroom and his friends would actually come at the father's command. The father would determine when he comes. That's why Jesus said when they were asking about his return, he said, "No one knows except for my Father." And so when that determination is made by the Father, the groom goes, and he comes with an entourage. I'll show you a little bit more in a moment. But they come to get the bride. And then there's going to be a cry as he comes closer to the home of the bride, and they'll say, "The bridegroom comes." That's a picture of the rapture of the church in the New Testament.

The third part, as it was divided, would be the marriage supper, which is a time of celebration, which is what we'll be looking at here in this particular portion in just a moment. So it was a marriage supper. It's the time of celebration, and that foresees the marriage supper of the Lamb that is spoken of in the Book of Revelation in Chapter 19, verse 9.

Now, to give you a little bit more, I looked into a webpage that's simply referred to as Bible History. And this is what was posted as it relates to wedding customs. It says, "Marriage covenants were part of civil law with legal papers drawn up to define the rights of husband and wife. The wedding ceremony was all about bringing the bride to the bridegroom's house. On the wedding day, the groom would dress in festive garments, wearing a crown of gold, silver, or flowers. The bride was at her father's home and was prepared, perfumed, and richly clothed. She was covered with a veil and would wait for the groom. When he arrived, there'd be a loud cry, 'Behold, the bridegroom comes! Go out to meet him.' There would be a procession from her father's house to the home of the groom with great celebration as she, seated on a chair, was carried to his home. Once they entered, the doors were shut, and the wedding ceremony began. After the ceremony, the bride and bridegroom would go to the wedding chamber, and the groom would remove her veil. They would then physically become one in their marriage covenant with God. After consummating their marriage, there would be the marriage supper, which would last for seven days."

And so this is a portion that we're looking at here when Solomon actually is blessing his guests. He's entered into the room where the wedding guests are banqueting, and he's joyfully announcing that they have had their time of intimacy. So he says again in verse 1, "I have come to my garden, my sister, my spouse; I've gathered my myrrh with my spice; I've eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk." He's simply saying, "We have become one. We've been intimate." That's a poetic way of speaking in that way. But now he's speaking to his friends. He's speaking to the guests at the festivity. And that's why he says, "Eat, O friends; drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones." And so he's blessing them, and he's giving to them an encouragement to enjoy the festivities that are about to continue.

And so what we pick up on in verse 2 is later than verse 1. Again, remember verse 1 actually would belong to chapter 4. So what we have now is something that takes place later, and it's the Shulamite, it's his bride, that is speaking. So let's read from verse 2 following to verse 5. This is the Shulamite. This is the woman. This is the bride. "I sleep but my heart is awake. It is the voice of my beloved; he knocks, saying, 'Open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one, for my head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night.'"

But her response is, "I've taken off my robe; how can I put it on again? I've washed my feet; how can I defile them?"

"My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh on the handles of the lock."

What are we going to be looking at right now? We're going to be looking at the first problem that they have in marriage, and we'll look at that for a little while. So this again has taken place later, and this is really what we would call a conflict. It's been said, "Every wedding is beautiful; it's the living together afterwards that's difficult." And that's true. Every relationship has times of conflict. And just because we are one doesn't mean that we don't retain our own personalities and opinions. We still have them. We have our preferences, our goals, our perspective. We have our religious faith, our religious beliefs. We have preferences, and we all have reasons for having these preferences. And it amazes us when our spouse doesn't see things as clearly as we do. We think to ourselves, "Why don't they see this? Why don't they understand this? It makes so much sense to me. Why can't they see it themselves?"

And so every marriage has conflict, right? Every marriage has problems. And it's not that that's unusual. It's how we handle them. But every marriage is going to have a problem. We're going to have our times of arguments and disagreements. I remember hearing about a couple that were driving several miles down a country road, and they weren't talking to each other because they were in an argument, and neither one of them wanted to concede their position. And so as they're passing by a barnyard filled with mules and pigs, the husband says to the wife, "Relatives of yours?" And she said, "Yeah, they're my in-laws." So everybody has problems. Everybody has conflict.

Obviously, it's interesting because, well, it seems to me, and maybe I'm wrong in this observation, but it seems to me that the Lord seems to match us up with people who are different than us and fill our gaps. And there are things that I might be, that my wife has kind of filled in the gap for me. And so sometimes somebody who is habitually late, like some of you who wanted to be here in first service, you know what I mean? Some of you who are habitually late, you may be married to somebody who's very punctual. They want to be there on time. They're sitting in the car, they're honking the horn, "Where are you?" And you're still in there, "Just a moment, I'll be right there." It seems that the Lord seems to put us together like that sometimes. Or you may be one of these people who's very, very clean, but you're married to somebody who's very messy. You may be married to somebody who's very, very loud and kind of, you know, just loud, you can hear them, and they're in another room, and you're a very quiet person. That was my mom and my dad. You may be somebody who's very, very generous, and you married somebody who is not. Or you may be somebody who's active, you know, "We need to get up, we need to take a walk, let's walk around the neighborhood 50 times," and you say, "No, you go, I'll time you." You may be with somebody who likes things just the way they are, but you're very creative. Or you may be a pessimist, "Everything is bad," and this person's an optimist. It seems to happen a lot. You may be somebody who's volatile, very emotional, the other person is very patient. You may be somebody who's very friendly, just make friends with everybody, and your mate may be very reserved. Marie and I, I'm married to a very friendly woman who tells me she's shy, but she's not. And you know, we're on our way home from Israel. I've shared this, some of you have heard this before. But we were on our way home from Israel, and we were seated. And as we were there, seated on the way home, there was a lady who was seated next to Marie. So I sat on the end, and Marie's next to me, and then there's this lady who's seated next to Marie. And I was actually, I really do this, I was looking in the other direction, and I'm thinking, "How long is it going to be until Marie's crying with this woman and touching her hand? How long is it going to be until they become best friends?" We've got a 16-hour flight, she's going to do it. And I'm thinking, I'm really thinking that. So Marie, I'm watching her from the corner of my eye, because she just can't let somebody sit there. So I'm thinking, "How is she going to do this?" And she turns and she speaks to her in English, and the woman's Jewish, she doesn't speak English. And I'm thinking, "Oh, this is going to be a challenge." I'm very serious, I really am thinking, "How is she going to do it?" And I'm just watching her. Marie speaks Spanish to her. The woman was a Spanish Jew, and they, all the way home, were talking in the airport. Marie crying with her and holding her, exactly what I knew. And the woman's kissing my children and everything. Me, if I were Marie, sitting next to this woman, I just said, "Hi, how are you?" She'd have said, "I don't speak English." And I'd say, "Cool." I'm to myself, I'm quiet. I think, "But not my girl, you know." And the Lord has a way, I think, of bringing us together in that way. It seems that way, at least with me.

You may be a real cheerful person, and the person you're married to isn't. Do you ever, do you ever wake up grumpy? I used to. Now I let her sleep. But you know, oh, she's she's a happy one. She wakes up laughing. She looks at me, she can't help it. But anyway, in this point, what we're looking at here in the Song of Solomon, Solomon and the Shulamite, his wife, are newly married. And we know that that's what we normally refer to as the honeymoon. The honeymoon literally speaks of a sweet month. And that's what, in ancient times, they would give a full month to get to know one another. And that's what they have called it in the past, and that's what we call it now. It's a time when you get to know each other more intimately. And it's a time that is really supposed to be uninterrupted by outside disturbances. But the fact is, you can have disagreements even on your honeymoon. We know that conflict should be expected and prepared for, because conflict is inevitable. It's like the two rivers that meet to produce the one. And as they come together, there's a turmoil where they meet, and the things at the bottom of the riverbed begin to rise to the surface. But as the rivers become one and flow downstream, it calms down, and all the junk seems to sink to the bottom. And that's what happens when you get married. There are two different lives, two different opinions, two different ways of being that have become the one. And there are going to be things that create the turmoil. But you just need to be prepared to expect the conflict and be prepared to deal with it. You know, there can be a lot of stress, as many of you already know, as you prepare for the wedding day. So don't be surprised. Eventually, the honeymoon glow is going to fade a bit, and then the daily business of life begins. And so at a certain point, the wife discovers that her Brad Pitt is actually Homer Simpson, and the husband discovers his Jennifer Aniston is Kamala. First service did the same thing. I love it. I'll let that sink in. So anyway, how do conflicts normally begin? How do they normally begin? Well, a conflict normally begins when someone feels wronged, or misunderstood, or unappreciated. A conflict can begin when someone feels taken for granted. And let's see how this conflict actually takes place here.

The Shulamite is speaking here in verse 2, and she says, "I sleep but my heart is awake. It is the voice of my beloved; he knocks, saying, 'Open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one, for my head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night.'" So he's on the outside, wanting to come in, and the dew has settled on him, and he's describing that. But notice it says here in verse 2, "I slept but my heart is awake." So the bride is in bed, and she's half asleep, and Romeo is at the door, and he's asking to come in. She hears the knock on the door. And she hears him, "Hey baby, are you asleep?" And so during this time, the husband and the wife might have had different bedrooms. Very often did. So she's not open to the idea of him coming in and being with her. And she's telling him, and she just, she's saying, "No, I'm not available to you." Well, he's saying, "My head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night." She's saying, "Well, it's late. I was sleeping." But then she goes on to say, "I was asleep, but my heart is awake." And commentators will say that that could be a picture of her simply being unable to sleep soundly. But also others said, "Well, when she says my heart is awake, she may be referring to Solomon." And it seems that Solomon wants to be with her, but she's not in the mood. She's trying to get some sleep, and he's bothering her. After all, if he wanted his private time with her, he could have come earlier. Where's his consideration for her? Where's his understanding that she needs her beauty rest? He's in the mood, he expects her to respond. Is she supposed to, just because he asks?

And so she begins to speak. She says in verse 3, "I've taken off my robe; how can I put it on again? I've washed my feet; how can I defile them?" "I don't want to walk across the dirty floor," is what she's saying. She's making an excuse. She's saying, "Leave me alone. I have a headache. I'm trying to sleep, and you're waking me up so you can be with me. No, not tonight." So he's making husbandly demands, but she's insisting on her personal rights. The fact is, they're both right, but they're also both wrong. Her reluctance is simple: "I stayed up waiting for you. You didn't show up. You're too late. Sorry." Now, in chapter 2:9, she had called him, "My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag." What happened to that?

And so verse 4 says, "My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him." At first, he was taking, he wasn't taking no for an answer. He's persisting, he's pursuing. But she doesn't come to open the door, and he's bothered, and he leaves. He walks away. Well, when he doesn't enter the room, her heart immediately is grieved. And so verse 5, "I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh on the handles of the lock." So she thinks about it, and she gets up and opens the door, but he's gone. What he did, though, is he left myrrh on the latch. It was a token of sweetness, a sign that he had been there, and it causes her to become convicted. She's convicted about how she responded to him.

Now, when he had come to marry her, you remember it was found in chapter 3:6, he had been perfumed with myrrh, so that would remind her of when he came for her and the love that he had showed her. I want you to notice something. He didn't bang on the door. He didn't demand that she meet his needs. He walked away. More than likely feeling a little rejected, perhaps a bit frustrated. But he's, instead of just walking away, he leaves an aromatic as a sign of love for her and as a reminder of him.

Now, when men get married, they often think, "Man, we can be intimate all the time, anytime." Well, they soon learn that's not the case. And so when you feel rejected, you can feel justified in punishing the other person for not meeting your needs. And you can think, "They rejected me. They need to feel what I feel." Well, that's called the flesh. It's not a proper way to respond. We have to be careful not to act impulsively. We need to be careful not to say harsh things, mean things. We need to be aware that when we feel that way, we can actually take it out on the one who loves us the most.

When Paul was writing to the church in Thessalonica, in 5:15, he said to them, "See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good, both for yourselves and for all." And so the way to respond is to take a moment to consider the other person and their feelings. You may have feelings and you may have needs, but so do they. In Philippians 2:3, Paul said, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility value others above yourselves." And that's a scripture that is very present in our marriages: valuing others above ourselves.

Well, somebody says, "Wait a minute, if I'm angry, I should be real. I should be authentic. I should let them know." Well, expressing feelings is important, but how and why we do so is also important. Not every feeling needs to be expressed. And it's better to express your feelings after the emotion has cooled down. In Proverbs 20:3, it says, "It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel." Solomon didn't react to his wife in an immature, self-centered, punitive way. Even after she rejected his Overture, he still reached out to her. This isn't something they needed to fight over. So he left it alone. He didn't have to say anything. It really didn't matter enough to fight over. In Proverbs 12:16, it says, "The prudent overlook an insult, but fools show their annoyance at once." So if I were to be giving pastoral advice, I would say, in marital conflicts, avoid venting every time you're irritated. You don't have to say everything that's on your mind. Some people are so busy giving a piece of their mind, it's weird that they even have any mind left. They have to always say what's on their mind. They have to be authentic, they have to be real. Whenever they're irritated, they have to tell you exactly why. But not everything is worth fighting over. There are more important issues that we deal with, major issues, and those things should be taken care of. But they should be taken care of at a proper time. Obviously, we need to be careful not to bottle things up, but we shouldn't be in the habit of just saying what we're feeling at that moment. Some things again don't need to be said. Not everything is worth saying. In Proverbs 17:14, it says, "The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts."

And so he walked away. He left a token of his love, something that would remind her of him. And so in verse 6, she says, "I opened for my beloved, opened the door, but my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart leaped up when he spoke. I sought him, but I couldn't find him. I called him, but he gave me no answer." So she has a change of heart. She goes looking for him. She looks, but he's already, he's already left. When we have marriage problems, somebody needs to have a change of heart. Often it's both of us, but somebody needs to, because if there's no change of heart, our heart becomes hardened. And that's where divorce begins. In Matthew 19:8, Jesus said, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so."

So she'd come to see that the way she had acted wasn't right. And after realizing she sought for him diligently, but she couldn't find him, and she began searching and calling for him, but he didn't answer. Notice verse 7: "How it says, 'The watchmen who went about the city found me; they struck me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took my veil away from me.'" What are you talking about? This is a picture of her conscience. It's a picture of her being convicted. She realizes that she hadn't been kind to her husband. So it's not Solomon who's inflicted this pain on her; it's her conscience. The conviction that she's feeling is of the Lord. She realizes she had not done the right thing.

I really believe that it's important for us, in times of differences, to learn to just let things settle. If you've already attempted to work on these things, and there seems to be a stalemate, leave it alone. Because very often, it simply gives the Lord opportunity to work in the midst of it. You came from two different places, two different houses. In my home, when I grew up, at our home, my mom was very open with her feelings and would speak about them quite extensively, and sometimes with a lot of emotion, you know. And I was used to that. I was used to just saying what's on your mind. My mom did, I did. You know, when Marie and I got together and got married, you know, I thought the way to lead as a husband was just to let her know, "This is who I am. This is what we're going to do. This, this, this, and this." And then I remember looking at her and, and I said, "You understand? Any questions?" "No." "Cool." And I went outside. I thought, "Hey, taken care of." 40 minutes later, I come in, and she says, "Listen, mister, we've got some things to talk about." And that's when I began to learn that my upbringing was so different than hers, that we needed to have our, how are we going to be together? I had to learn to communicate on the same level that she would understand, not because I think mine is superior, but because our relationship matters. So how am I, as a husband, going to explain what's important to me in a way that my wife understands? I had to learn that. And I learned her language because, you know, I speak French, and she speaks German, and we've got to learn how to talk. We've got to learn how to communicate, right? And so I had to learn that my wife wants to think about things. Me, I've already thought about it. So this is the answer, this is what we'll do. And when I learned to respect her in that way, we went a lot further as a couple. And a lot of people haven't yet learned that. They haven't learned to communicate in a way that it's not just the words, but it's the feelings behind the words and the heart that you're really listening to. And you don't have to argue about everything. You just need to be prepared to resolve everything in a way that is best for both of you. And so sometimes it's best just to leave things alone because not everything is that important.

And so as this is taking place, she says in verse 8, "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am lovesick." I want to make up. Well, in verse 9, the daughters of Jerusalem say, "What is your beloved more than another beloved, O fairest among women? What is your beloved more than another beloved, that you so charge us?" Something that helps resolve conflict is remembering what you love about them. What has made this person special to you? What made this person, and we're speaking about a husband or a wife, what made them so special to you that you were willing to make a vow to God that you would be with them until the day one of you or both of you dies? What was it? What was it about them? When they said, "Will you marry me?" and you heard those words, what was it about that person that made you say, "Yes, I will marry you. I will promise God before witnesses, until death do us part, I will love you to the end. I will love you with every beat of my heart until I place you in the hands of Jesus, or he places, or you place me in his hands. I will love you that much. I will love you that long." What is it? Because that's the question that's being asked of the Shulamite: "What makes him so special to you?" Ladies, do you have, in your mind, those of you who are married, do you have in your mind a list of things that, were you to be asked, "What makes him so special?" that you would be able to say, "Oh, these are the things about him that I love so much"? She's able to, because she's being asked the question, "What is your beloved more than another beloved, that you so charge us?" What is it about him that makes him so special to you? What is it?

Well, she begins to give an answer. Look at verse 10: "My beloved is white and ruddy, chief among ten thousand. His head is like the finest gold; his locks are wavy, black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk and fitly set. His cheeks are like a bed of spices, banks of scented herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. His hands are rods of gold, set with beryl. His body is carved ivory, inlaid with sapphires. His legs are pillars of marble, set on bases of fine gold. His countenance is like Lebanon, is excellent as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet; yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem."

Poetic language, but she's describing what he means to her. Again, when she's asked, "What makes your beloved more than another beloved?" she has a list. She can give an answer because she has grown to know him very well. So she has a list in things in her heart that she can now speak spontaneously about. Again, remember earlier, he had given a description of her, but now she is speaking of him.

Now, when you read this, it at first, you know, "My beloved is as white as white and ruddy." You ask yourself, "What does that mean?" When she says he's white and ruddy, it's not speaking of his complexion. It's not saying that my beloved is very white-skinned, and when he's saying ruddy, it's not saying that he has reddish hair. When she says he is white and ruddy, she's speaking about his purity and his passion. "My beloved is spiritually good, and he has a passion for God and for me." That's what she's saying. Because you read this, and at first glance, "My beloved is white and ruddy. What does that say?" Well, it's saying that he has a purity of heart. "My beloved," she's saying, "you want to know what attracted me and attracts me to him? He's filled with goodness. He's got character. He's got a righteous passion." Now, when you look at Solomon's father, David, the scripture tells us in 1 Samuel 13:14 that David had a heart after God. Solomon did too. And so what is it about him? The first thing she speaks about, and she will mention his beauty, his handsomeness, but she begins with his integrity. She begins with his spirituality. He's passionate. He's passionate in life, and he's driven to excellence. And his drive for excellence is something she admires. She didn't want a lukewarm man. There are wives who prefer their husbands to be spiritually lukewarm because it doesn't put pressure on them to grow. I remember a lady in our fellowship who approached me after a Bible study concerning husbands and wives and all, and she said, "Well, you know what, Pastor? You know, you need to pray for me because I've been praying for a long time that my husband would become spiritually passionate, want to serve God." She said, "And that's happened. And now I'm wishing that he wasn't." Now I'm wishing he was lukewarm again. And so not every woman wants a man of God who's on fire, but she did. She wanted a man of God, and she got one. And she was attracted to this one, this man who loves the Lord with a passion, and he does all things well. In Ecclesiastes 9:10, it says, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going. Life is an adventure, live it to the fullest for the Lord." So she's saying, "What about him?" Well, he's passionate. He's driven to excellence.

In verse 10, she says, "He's chief among ten thousand." The word "chief" literally is, he's the standard bearer. That speaks of his preeminence. This is a man of distinction. He's a man, one of 10,000. He's a man of courage. He's a man of dignity. He's respected by all, and he's a leader of many. And she's saying, "There's no one who can match this man, and there's no one who can take her away from me. He's a man, he's a man among the greatest of men. He's a man who, when he's around great men, is respected and followed by these great men. He's a man who knows the value of character, and he's a man who has integrity." In Proverbs 22:1, it says, "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold."

She says in verse 11, "His head is like the finest gold." When she says his head is like the finest gold, she's simply saying he's extremely wise. Now, Solomon was the wisest man. When God had said, "Ask of me whatever you'd like, I'll give it to you," he said, "I'm a child, I need wisdom," and he became, by God's grace, the wisest man. And so he was the wisest man, and scripture tells us that he wrote 3,000 proverbs and 1,500 songs. He was young, but he was highly respected, and because of his wisdom, she could trust his judgment.

Now, in verse 11, she speaks of his hair. "His locks are wavy and black as a raven." He's also physically appealing, and I'm drawn to him, is what she's saying.

Verse 12: "His eyes are like doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk and fitly set." That's an interesting way to speak. She's telling us how she feels about him. Now, remember in chapter 4, chapter 4 described him as he was looking at her. But she says that he's like a dove. A dove, in this picture, is one that is gentle towards her, even loving and playful. He would communicate with her with smiling eyes, if you will. When she says his eyes are washed with milk, there are various ways to look at that. One commentator speaks of the whites of his eyes not being red with alcohol, so he is sober-minded and a sober man. Being fitly set, that means he has vision and he has purpose, and he's focused on her.

His cheeks, verse 13, are like a bed of spices. Now, he had a full beard, and it was perfumed. It had a pleasant smell. He didn't keep snacks in it. I don't know why I said that. Forgive me. It's speaking about him holding her close, and as he's holding his wife, the fragrance is very appealing.

His lips are like lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. That speaks of two things: one, he's tender as he kisses her. But two, it could be how tenderly and sweetly he speaks to her. He's learned to, he's learned to speak to her in a way that shows he loves her. He was open in my home, and I think I speak for a lot of men my age and in a generation that probably even after my own. I can tell you this, in my home, I never saw, and I've said this before, but I never saw my father say to my mother, ever, that I can remember in all the years that I was alive prior to him going to heaven, I don't believe I ever heard my father say to my mother, "I love you." I don't think I ever did. I certainly never saw my father kiss my mother. Never. My dad was not one of these men who would speak sweet and show tenderness. He wasn't that. He was different. He was a man after his own generation. He was a man from the greatest generation. Didn't show emotion. In all the years that I was alive, he died when I was 53. In all the years that I was alive, I only saw him cry twice. Once when he was getting surgery, and once because I broke his heart, and he cried to me when I was a kid. I never saw my father cry. I never saw him show emotion. I never saw him show love towards my mom. I never saw him kiss her. That was his private life. A lot of you may understand that, some of you may not. So what I did is, I took from my father the best that I could see. His faithfulness, he was a hard worker, provided, protected, cared for his family. I took those qualities and I wanted them for myself. But I read my Bible as a Christian, and I saw the tenderness of Christ, that he could hold a child. My dad, I never saw my dad hold children. But Jesus did. So I said, "Well, Jesus was a man of all men, and if he holds a baby, I can too." That's where I learned to be tender towards my kids. I saw Jesus weeping at the grave of a friend, Lazarus, and I said, "A man can show emotion." My dad never did. I'm going to be a man after God's own heart. I'll show my emotion. And I read about his love, and how he would speak, and how Jesus was tender, and I said to myself, "I never saw my dad do that. He was, he was faithful to the very end." My dad never looked at another woman in front of me. I never saw it. He never loved another woman. She's the only woman he ever had. The only woman he ever loved. He was faithful to the end. He retired early so he could take care of my mother when she was ill. He provided in every way, shape, and form. He was a faithful man. I will be that, but I will also learn to speak tenderly. And that's what you see with Solomon. She says, "He speaks to me with words that speak to my heart." See? So I'll, I'll say this one thing, move on. It's not about us. I just want to, I relate to these things. I don't call Marie by her name. My father never called my mother by hers. I don't remember hearing him say, "Bonnie," that was my mama's name, when he spoke to us. He would never do that. And when he spoke to her, he never, never used her name. He would just call her, "Mama, Mama." And so I don't know, I picked that up. I don't call Marie by her name. I call her "Mama" because that's a tender word to me. And so you learn some things by observation, and you learn some things by making decisions. This woman here, this Shulamite, says that his lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. He speaks to me with tenderness and beauty, and he lets me know how deeply he loves me. What is it about him? "What is your beloved more than another beloved, that you so charge us?" Because he loves me. His lips are like, he speaks sweetly to me. He ministers to me.

Verse 14: "His hands are rods of gold, set with beryl. His body is carved ivory, inlaid with sapphires." That's what Marie says to me about me. What's that speaking of? Rods of gold. His hands are rods of gold, set with beryl. Rods of gold and beryl speaks of his fingers and fingernails. He's finely groomed, is what she's saying. And he's well-built. He's beautiful to behold. Inlaid with sapphires. That's an interesting picture because the high priest in Israel had a breastplate that had 12 stones on them, and one of those stones was sapphire. It gives us a picture of strength, but it also gives us a picture of spiritual strength. He was a spiritual man.

"His legs are pillars of marble, set on bases of fine gold." He's stable. He's physically strong, but he's stable. He's steadfast, and he's determined. Listen, if my wife is strong in faith, she desires me to be also strong in faith. And a spiritual woman admires spiritual strength and admires spiritual determination on the part of her husband. And this spiritual determination to do the things that are pleasing to God are things that make her attracted to you.

And then she says in verse 16, "He, his mouth is most sweet; he's altogether lovely. This is my beloved. This is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem."

I'll close with a couple of thoughts. One, when it says, "His mouth is most sweet," he speaks to me with kindness. He treats me tenderly. He doesn't call me names. He doesn't make me feel bad. He doesn't call me stupid or dumb or anything like that. He makes me feel good about being who I am. He loves me. He's my lover, but he's also my friend. I really believe Jesus Christ, obviously, is our foundation. Our faith in Christ is our foundation, obviously. But what is the thing in my marriage that has made it what it is? We're friends. We're friends. And she says that, "This is my friend. This is somebody that I can spend hours with and never get tired of it. This is someone I can be with every day and talk to all day long and never get tired of it. I don't need a break from him. I don't need my girl time." And he doesn't need my guy time. They could have it if they want, but it's the "our time" that matters.

Every person in this room, and I'll close with one last thought. Every person in this room who's been married for a while knows that every day you're with that person, it's closer to the last day you'll be with that person. Said one of these days, the last time you see him will be the last time you see him. The last conversation you have will be the last conversation you ever have. As you grow older, you become aware of that. You realize that when you're young, you think you've got forever. But as you grow older, you realize you have limited time. You realize you have an expiration date. And it's coming, moment by moment, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. And all the years you've been together, one day will be the last moment you're together. I want to spend my last moment with my friend, the one who's been there every way for all of these years. She is my girl, but she's my friend. And that, I think, has kept us together. Friendship. We have everything else: babies and grandbabies, memories, adventures. We have so much. But what has kept us together? What is she saying? She's saying, "He speaks to me, and he loves me, and this is my friend."

I do pray, fellas, that you are your wife's friend. That she'll look at you and say, "This is a person I enjoy spending time with more than anybody else." This person. And I hope that you can look at your wife and say, "This is the person I can spend every moment with, and I don't need anybody else." From the first kiss to the last breath, this is mine, and we together will make it.

And as she's dealing with this, she says, "These are the things I love about him." So wives, I do pray that you're able to have a list of things that you can spontaneously say that made you love that man that you promised to be with until the day you die. I pray that you have that list, and if you don't, make one and live by it.