Transcription
What's up, guys? Welcome back to Pearl Media. In today's episode, we'll be reacting to another Kevin Samuels video. Let's get into it.
>> Hi.
>> Hello.
>> How are you?
>> I'm doing good. I want to get on the panel later.
>> What? Well, let me just This is what it kind of look like. So, do you think it's over? What do you think >> as far as black women? We >> Yeah. Hello. >> Are we talking about as far as getting married or dating?
>> Yeah, that's all we really talk Yeah. Is it? Yeah. I don't care about dating as much as Do you think the average black woman is done for when it comes to marriage?
>> Um, I believe so because I'm pretty much done with it myself or I just never really wanted to. That was never something I I personally attained for myself.
>> I'm going to come back to you um money maker. Okay. You never you never worried about it yourself. Is that what you said?
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. So, who's Michelle?
>> Me and Michelle.
>> Okay. I'm come back to you, Michelle. So, this is how the panel is going to kind of look. I'm going to I can put up to four people in there. Do you have any kids?
>> Yes, I do. I have two.
>> So, in other words, [ __ ] marriage, but I don't have kids.
>> Uh, it wasn't really that. Me and their father was together as teenagers >> and just by the time we got to uh the marrying age I would say by the time we were 23 24 looking towards marriage I was done with the relationship. Um he cheated a lot but but you already had the kids.
>> Yes we already had the children. Yes.
>> So that's why so I've said this before and I'll say it again. black women. It seems like being a being a wife is more of a big deal than being a mother.
>> For some people, it was never that type of thing to me. And maybe because of what I saw as far as being a wife, you know, I saw >> Okay. So, so why don't you Okay. So, I don't want to just assume, but how old are your kids?
>> 14 and nine.
>> 14 and nine.
>> Yes.
>> And how old are you?
>> 33. 33.
>> Yes.
>> So you had a kid at 18 or 19 years old.
>> Mhm.
>> And then another one at 24 25. 23 24.
>> Yes.
>> All right. So why was marriage no big deal then?
>> Um marriage was never a big deal on mine. I I I would say because I personally never um I think I have like commitment phobia almost
>> like what
>> like I have a thing with commitment. I just don't personally believe you know the vibes that people
>> but you but you made a baby with somebody.
>> I don't see people live that lifestyle basically. So, so another So, what see this doesn't make any sense to me is man cuz it's like phobias and commitment. You committed to being somebody's mama until you die.
>> Yes.
>> What is it with women like yourself that don't seem to realize that that's crazy to us? Meaning that you it's all right to be a mama and struggle or or try to make try to do the job of two people as one person. Well, actually, I've never had to do the job as far as their dad by myself because their dad has always been present. However, um in the single mom aspect of, you know, us living apart, I live, you know, in my separate state and you live in your present, but I never wanted we get it. We get it confused. Just because a child can be maintained.
>> Uh-huh. A roof overhead, food on his on a plate, and clothes on her back does not mean a child is being raised. The job trying to do the job of two people means you're one person in the house,
>> right?
>> That means there's a deficit. That means you're one side. You are unbalanced. It's a female's way of looking at things with no man in the house.
>> And as somebody who has had to try to do things on the weekend, that's not the same. you better than me.
>> No, that's not the same. However, that doesn't mean every woman I don't you get what I'm saying. Some women look at marriage or being a wife as a pivotal point to success and in life that just never been.
>> You sound so basically okay to walk around with you and kids and no and no structure.
>> No, not me and my kids and no structure. Yes, we probably should have more structure with having a father in the home. Absolutely. There's more structure, but it's okay for me to not be to be committed to being a mother, but not being committed to being a wife.
>> No, it's not.
>> You know what I'm saying?
>> No. No. No. See, I get I get that y'all want to believe that, but the but the results are pretty clear.
>> That's why the black community is at the bottom because there's so many women that like yourself think, "All right, I I I'll commit to being a mother."
>> It's either
>> Listen, I'll let you speak. Don't Don't let me speak. And then your child is 14 to N. You don't know what it's going to be yet. You don't know until they're out of your house and realize ever 18. What kind of people do we make?
>> I don't know.
>> So, you really don't know yet. But what we do know is the woman that came before you that have children and don't worry about marriage. Do you have boys or girls?
>> I have a son and a daughter.
>> So, you don't want your daughter to be married either?
>> No. Not that I don't want my daughter to be married. If that's what she wants to do, she can. But I've never made it a priority or a thing for myself. That's just me.
>> I don't have I have not met
>> I have not met the man that I feel that I can commit to.
>> Did you feel like the man you could do what
>> that I could commit to with the way that he act? Just like perfect example, I commit father. Then why make So see ma'am, all this stuff would make sense if you wouldn't decide to make become a mother once or twice. Oh god.
>> And this is what I need you ladies to start listening to.
>> No.
>> Close your mouth in this situ. Listen, listen, listen. This is what's wrong for the problem community. We got women
>> making stand and stuff and y'all don't listen to the
>> This is where our community is jacked up. Okay,
>> we got so many individual women talking about, well, you know, I don't need to I don't I don't know a man who can do this or that. And it's like, well, who cares? You You're somebody's mother.
>> And we need families.
>> Yes, we do need families, but I do not support being a family with a male. Just because you have a penis does not mean you can leave.
>> But then why have his babies? What do you mean I have these babies? I had we were in love.
>> We had children just like people get married and they get divorced. It's the same thing.
>> No, it's not. It is not the same thing. It is not the same thing. And that's the what's the difference?
>> That is another jacked up part of you don't even know what you basically what you're saying is like so many women whether you're married or not married it don't matter cuz people can divorce. marriage is on this no whether we get married or not relationships can break up it's it's this all things are equal it's always relative and the problem is in our community this is this is how women think it's no big deal whether you're married or not just make the babies and and have fractured broken homes because
>> nobody set up we didn't set up to have a fractured or broken home because I not left the relationship had I not left the relationship we would still together to this day. So you broke it. Like I said, I say the I say I say a lot of modern women left the relationship. A lot of women own. You wreck your own homes.
>> I'm not going to allow a man to disre. And that's not going to work. I've been trying to be cool, but when I start talking, you start talking. You can do that [ __ ] with your man, but you can't do that here.
>> But you do it to her.
>> You want to make your home is cool. But this is why I'm giving you Jack because you women don't even listen to another point of view.
>> You're not listening.
>> You don't listen.
>> You're not listening. You sound like
>> Get your little cackling friend and check her check your cackling friend. If you want to talk,
>> check your friend on bouncing. If she wants to get on, bring her butt on. Tell her to get on. Tell her to bring herself on the screen or y'all both.
>> Now don't do that background noise.
>> Tell your friend to get on.
>> You can't even control your friend. This is crazy.
>> This is the [ __ ] we're talking. I'm seriously listen what just happened. I don't know a man that's good enough to do such and so forth. And who wants to be dealing with some foolishness like that? The only group of women that sit around and try to justify and make it make sense as to, well, you know, I can go be a a a young mother, a teenage mother at 18 or 19 years old when you ain't got no business being a mother, not married, and then go do it tw again and then talk about the downsides of it. Ladies, understand this is why so many men feel like you're done. Because listen to that little cackling ass friend in the background. This is it. It's no big deal to be a single mama cuz relationships break up. And see, all of this is only an issue because you decided if you wanted to just if you just wanted to Let me help you out. I can overt talk anybody I want to on my show. See, let me tell you something. I don't have to over talk. When I talk, you shut up. You be quiet. You know, I shouldn't have to overt talk anybody on my show. Y'all do that [ __ ] with your men. See, the problem is you can't even come in here and have a conversation when it gets contentious with a man because the first thing so many of our sisters want to do is show your dick. Let me sit up. Let me argue back and forth other than just sit back and be quiet. We already know what you think. But to get a different point of view, what it would do is would actually make her have to listen to another point of view and it might put some accountability and consequence. And that's it. That's it. That's why when I walk around Houston, I got black men damn near in tears saying, "Thank you, brother. Thank you. Thank you. Please keep saying what you say." So y'all y'all y'all can miss you with that [ __ ] I got too many men out here that are saying, "Thank you for doing this." Because that is what they have to deal with. You don't even want to hear another point of view that what why that why not try to be with a man that you want to be with and then make babies until then. Well, I'll just talk about the man I chose to make a baby with and then tell you why relationships are bad. Then stop being mothers. Are they done? Are they done? And if you can't even have a conversation, what is it bold like? What? What? Think about the energy in that house. Think about the energy in that house. Think about the energy in that house. A mother that thinks like that. Do you think she's going to raise a daughter to be feminine, beautiful, inspirational, cooperative, and submissive, that little Cackling hyena beside her? Do you think that her daughter, a woman raised in that environment, has a real chance at having a healthy worldview? regarding black men. Do you think her daughter is going to have a an opportunity to have a healthy worldview, good faith positioning regarding black men? Or is it more likely that she is going to grow up with a toxic, poisoned, warped view on men for that mother, her friend? Then the boy, the boy seeing how she interacts with her friend, seeing what she tells her daughter, seeing how he that she, the mother interacts with the son. What do you think he's going to grow up doing? Be you think he's going to grow up to be a confident, intelligent, and assertive man? Or is he going to grow up to be a man who questions his masculinity, questions this man who questions his position in the world, question what men should even be able to do? because all you've ever seen is women dominating. See, at least other races of women understand that whether you like men or don't like men or whatever we they need to grow their men up to take their rightful place to lead to build. And like it's been said before, there's so many women today, you raise the very men that you despise. So, we can't even have a conversation about it. Because when we have a conversation about it, it may end up making you look bad. Because let's be real, it's all theoretical. You can have sex with whoever you want to, but why make the baby? Why do you have to have a kid with a dude that you ain't going to marry? Marry before you carry? This is why so many men find single mothers problematic. Because if you could not commit to the man you gave the highest honor in the world to, then what chance do the rest of them have? The same thing. It's always It's always the same thing. Cap, cap, cap, cap, cap. Loud, loud, loud, loud, loud. Uh-uh. Nope. So that just show shows that the panel idea likely won't work because all it takes is one person to get in their feelings and start over talking. And that's what it is. That's what it is. But it's not going to change, ladies, because I don't know what you think. What other group of men do you think are coming to run to you? So now it's to the point that now you you bring your friend back on here after dinner.
>> Oh, she apologized and she's very quiet.
>> But the thing is, ma'am, I'm coming back in about an hour and I will have the conversation with you. But what I'm trying to get you to understand is why. Okay, let me ask you this question. Aside from you, aside from you, is marriage a good idea for the raising of children or not?
>> Yes.
>> Okay.
>> Absolutely. I believe that. Yes.
>> But 80% of our children in our community are born outside of marriage.
>> Correct.
>> And and when we do have marriages, our women are leaving are leaving 80% of the time.
>> Right. And I think you did say that if you hadn't left the relationship, it'd still be going on.
>> Correct.
>> Okay. So to out men on the outside looking in, if you could have one child, two children for a man, why can't you stay there and figure out?
>> Well, I could not stay there because he was not only physically abusive towards me, but he would constantly cheat on me. And not only to the point that he would at least cheat and I wouldn't know about it. These won't be calling, harassing, coming to my home. It was too much. You get what I'm saying,
>> for me to be dealing with with a man for with two children that we have. I'm in college.
>> I I moved out of state to be with him. I committed to our relationship the whole time we have been together. You get what I'm saying? This is at the time we are discussing getting together, getting married, and I just refuse to say, "Hey, I don't want to tolerate disrespect, and I will not allow a man
>> to disrespect me in front of my children. I don't want my sons to think that that is okay."
>> Hold on, hold on. Now, I was all right with you until you started talking about I allow a man to disrespect me in front of my children. They're not your children.
>> Well, there are children, but
>> but the thing is that's not what you women you women always say my children. It it becomes about you. It's about me and me. I'm not going to let you do this to me in front of mine. And that's the problem I have with so much of this position. It's always about you. Because I'm going to ask, before your first child, uh, was there cheating and abuse?
>> No.
>> Was there either?
>> No.
>> After the first child, I I would tell you this. I was not aware of the
>> After the first child was born, was there abuse?
>> Yes. Was there cheating?
>> Yes.
>> Then did you require him to have any kind of therapy?
>> Yes.
>> Did he get it?
>> No, he didn't.
>> Okay. So, so let So, ma'am, you did not require it because you had another baby with him.
>> Um, I left him. Okay. I left him for one year. We broke up for a year. All right.
>> We separated cuz I was that serious. And after that year that he separated, you know, he told me, "Hey, I got some help. You know, I'm a better person now."
>> Did you verify he got help?
>> Yeah. I I fell for the oie do.
>> Did No, no, no. I'm asking, did you verify that you got the help?
>> No, I didn't.
>> Okay. So, ma'am, so let me stop right here. Let me stop right here. the ma'am, even if I give you the benefit of the doubt that you had one child, you were young, and the abuse and cheating started afterwards, you did not require better treatment before you went back and had another baby. So, you knew what you were going back to
>> to a certain degree, but no, I thought we had enough time apart.
>> Well, that's called blissful ignorance. You chose not to. Okay. Do you own a car?
>> Yes.
>> Would you go buy a new car just because it's shiny without test driving and doing the car packs?
>> No.
>> Then why would you have another Bailey with a man who has an abusive past without verifying that he actually got the help that he said he got?
>> That is true. But at the time I was probably 22.
>> Doesn't matter ma'am. 22y old 22y old 22 year olds. see what I'm saying is you ladies know how to make logical purchasing decisions but you don't choose men
>> cuz see ultimately it's relationships are reflected you picked your first your child's first you picked your child's father you chose to have a baby before you got married then after he acted up you this should have ended back then
>> but it didn't but it didn't so everything that goes on from there is your fault fault. You signed back up.
>> No, that is true.
>> Well, so listen, so listen. So you don't get to go ahead and pull the plug later and say, "I'm not going to allow him to disrespect me." So on so forth, because you allowed it. You sign, you volunteered to go back. So you don't get to all of a sudden make the reason you're leaving the reason uh the reason you're leaving uh important now. That's the reason you left the first time. See, that's why it doesn't make sense to us, man. It's like, well, wait a minute. If we gave you the benefit of the doubt, but you went back again without verifying that you got the help.
>> You went back into that situation. Then you then you made another child with no legal marriage. And then you say, "Well, it it continued to go on. So I I left. You left the first time because it was unacceptable." Right.
>> Right.
>> Then you shouldn't have gone back.
>> I should have went back. But yeah, but that's what the mistake. Once you go back, you should have stayed because see that's my that's the difference. Now I'm going to tell you the difference. You going back the second time. If you didn't do your homework, you should have stayed because now you got two children.
>> And nobody in nobody no single man out here deserves to have to deal with this situation.
>> Do you understand? At least what that's how men are looking at this. Well, I don't need them to be my children's father cuz they have an ad.
>> Okay. What do you do for a living? Would you go to college?
>> Who? Me?
>> You went to college?
>> Yes, I did.
>> What? What's your degree in?
>> Computer science.
>> What do you do for a living?
>> Um, I work for Turboax. I own a call center. I own a few businesses.
>> Okay. You said you do what first?
>> I work for Turboax.
>> Okay.
>> Mhm. Turbo tax course
>> or you run your own business?
>> I run my own business.
>> Do you make in excess of six figures?
>> Yeah.
>> Over over $150,000 a year.
>> Probably probably about right there.
>> What state do you live in?
>> Ohio.
>> Okay. Um well ma'am you could with two kids you know you know the prognosis and my question is this have you had therapy?
>> Yes.
>> How long ago?
>> Um probably up until last year.
>> Oh and then you stop you stopped. Oh okay. How long were you in it? Um probably for a year prior to that.
>> Okay. And you only had you had one year therapy.
>> Mhm.
>> And your opinion about relationships and men, marriage and relationships are still disheartened?
>> Um no, not that it's disheartened. I just feel like it's just going to take that special man to deal with me. Um, that can be understanding for one because for one I like to make six figures. So, I like to work like you. However, I can be submissive as well. And it just takes like dating regular men as far as dating regular guys that have 9 toives, which they are sometimes a little intimidated.
>> So, in other words, you're going to want you're going to need a man who's earning about what you're earning or more. An entrepreneur.
>> Yes. Yes.
>> Okay. Again, what does that kind of man who's mad to work to earn that kind of value typically want from a woman?
>> Um,
>> I don't know. They all require different things. I
>> pretty much require the same similar things. How tall are you?
>> 52.
>> Dress size.
>> Dress size is a 12.
>> How much you weigh last time you weighed yourself?
>> 206.
>> Okay. So, you're 5'2, 200 lb with two children.
>> Mhm. Ma'am, do you realize that a man is making that kind of money, you're invisible to them?
>> Not really.
>> For marriage? Yes.
>> Oh, maybe for marriage. But
>> that's that's what we're talking that's what I talk about. See, that's what I talk. That's why See, hold on. See, now
>> I'm just saying I'm kind of
>> No, you can't over You can't over talk me. Don't See, you were doing good until it started to get tight. Then you want to over talk. Okay. See, I I was very clear about relationships, marriage, and if you've had therapy and this and that. Okay. You said you're going to need a very special kind of man who's understanding. Check. And because I want to make the kind of money I want to make, he's going to need to be flexible and not be intimidated. Check. That means you need a high value, high earning man. Check. They got lots of options. And the one thing they want is they want cooperation. Number two, fit. Three, uh, friendly. Fourth, no children. it children cooperation don't seem to be on your on your range right now. [Music]
>> See what the reality is is there's a there's a a finite shortage of high earning men. There's a plethora of UN. And that's what I'm saying. If you if you need to have such a high-end man, I'm sorry to tell you like like I would tell all other women, you get no higher than your baby daddy. Mom,
>> not for marriage.
>> Because a man comes along and says, "I'm going to take on this child and I'm up here and he's down here." No, thank you. I'll I'll take that. And your friends and your girlfriends, y'all can say whatever. But the reason this platform works and this show works is because it is a tremendous amount of input from the very kind of men you say you want. And that's just what I tell you ladies. So, if you're not finished with the therapy to the point to where your mindset about relationships have changed, you're pretty much saying without saying that you're going to die alone, meaning unmarried.
>> I didn't say unmarried or that I would die alone. It was just that I'm not going to settle.
>> Well, but that's the fact but but but see, either you marry and have somebody or you don't. And the choice of who gets married is on the men's side. So it's not a matter of settling, ma'am. Somebody would be the kind of man you want would be settling for you.
>> Would they?
>> Yeah. You got two kids and 200 lb
>> when he could be what he is. I mean, take it away from you, man. But he is a 100 plus,000 earner. All women want him. Why else why else would he want to get a mid30s 200 lb woman with two kids who has a problematic baby daddy when he can pick a younger woman with no kids who's ready to go on this program. So it comes down to this. It comes down to this.
>> Okay?
>> Men choose women choose access women control access to sex and who gets born. Men control access to relationships and marriage. That's our ch that's what we control. And and without that, if a man does not choose to make you his wife, that means you will die unmarried, i.e. die alone. And if you're making the kind of money you're talking about making, you should be one of the few women that should be able to have your 1.6 to 2.4 million you'll need to retire on to live from 65 to 85. [Music]
>> That's the that's the one upside of your income is what you say it is. My income is great and the guys that I usually date are usually six to eight figure guys. So I don't know. Okay.
>> Okay. See, I make the definite distinction between dating and dealing with the marriage.
>> Um, it's me, Kevin. It's me with the problem. I've been
>> So I want to be clear. It's you with the I know you. So are you saying that? Are you saying that you have these men in Ohio?
>> These men are all over the country
>> and they want to marry you.
>> I've had a few that wanted to marry me that I've told no.
>> How long ago this person and they Okay.
>> The last time I proposed
>> Let me let me let me set the table. I want to be clear because this is where it's about to get muggled. The only way a man really says he wants to marry you is he actually drops to one knee in public and presents a ring with significant characters and proposes. That's how a man tells you he wants to marry you. Not just I want to marry you. You mean you had somebody drop on me and propose to you,
>> Kevin? I have had somebody drop to me and propose to me. I have had somebody do
>> I'm talking about I'm talking about one of these one of these six. I'm trying to tell you I'm telling you different scenarios. That's a yes or no.
>> I've had people drop to their knees. I'm I'm I'm telling you about multiple times. I've had people drop to their knees and propose in public. I have had people also take me directly.
>> Are we talking about But I want to be clear the people. Are you talking about me? No. The men we talk about, we talk about men making six figures plus.
>> Kevin,
>> is that a yes or no? That man,
>> that's a yes.
>> Okay,
>> that's a yes.
>> So, you had how many how many how many how many of these 10 top 10% earning men have proposed to you?
>> Two.
>> Where the first one proposed to you? The first time was my kid's father was in Atlanta. It was just us and our children. And
>> that's not public. That's not public.
>> No, that was not public. But it was
>> It doesn't count. It doesn't count. But even your child's father, the guy don't. So where's the next one?
>> The next proposal was him again. That one was not also not public.
>> So the same man proposed to you twice.
>> Yes. Like that's what I'm trying to tell you.
>> You can't make this [ __ ] up. You can't make this [ __ ] up.
>> Interesting to say the least. We had a 33-year-old single mother of two on the line. And the first thing she made clear was that marriage was never really a big deal to her. She said it straight up. She doesn't really see marriage as important. And on top of that, she admits she has a phobia of commitment. Now, right off the bat, you can already see the contradiction. How can someone say they have a commitment phobia, but at the same time still be out here having kids? Commitment to a man, number. Commitment to a long-term partnership, number. But commitment to bringing human beings into the world, apparently, yes. And that's the kind of backwards thinking Kevin always called out. She also said she hasn't met a man she can commit to. But here's the reality. When you're 33, single, and already a mother of two, the pool of men you're going to attract is not the same pool you could have had when you were younger, single, and child-free. And the problem is so many modern women want to hit pause on commitment until they feel ready. But life doesn't work that way. Fertility doesn't work that way. Options don't work that way. What stood out the most is how casually she said marriage was never a big deal. And I think that right there explains everything. Because if you don't value marriage, if you don't value family structure, then of course you're going to end up in situationships or worse raising kids without a committed partner. and now she's in her 30s talking about how she hasn't found a man worth committing to. Well, maybe that opportunity passed because she didn't see the value when she should have. This call is a perfect example of what Kevin always warned women about. The consequences of putting commitment and marriage on the back burner. You can't keep saying, "I'll figure it out later." while life keeps moving forward. At 33 with two kids, men are going to look at her as someone who already made her choices. And sadly, that phobia she talks about, that's going to be a deal breakaker for most men who actually want something serious. So my take this is another reminder of why commitment does matter, why marriage does matter, and why you can't treat it like an