Transcription
Today's message is titled "How to Make a Right Choice in Marriage." First Corinthians chapter 7, verse 1 to 9.
Now, I want to throw emphasis on verse 2 and verse 9. Verse 2, it says, "But sexual sin is a danger." Sexual sin is a danger. What is fornication? Fornication is when a man who is not married [Music] has sexual intercourse with a woman. And what is adultery? Adultery is when a man or a woman that is married has sexual intercourse with another man or woman that is not the person they are married to. So, fornication is when a single woman or a single man, you are not yet married, or you are having sexual intercourse, that is fornication. The sexual is one of the sexual immorality uh categorized sins. And the bible is telling us here that sexual sin is a danger, is a danger.
And then what follows? He says, "So each man," after saying that sexual sin is a danger, he says, "So each man." One of the three primary reasons or purposes for marriage is to avoid sexuality. It's one of the three. And that is why you hear them, you will always hear the priest, the minister of God, the pastor officiating, enjoining a man and a woman together in marriage, would always read out these three major purposes of marriage as they exchange the marriage vows. Sexual fulfillment is part of the three major purposes of marriage. Companionship is one of the three major purposes of marriage. But sexual sin is a danger. So, each man should enjoy his wife, his own wife. And each woman should enjoy her own husband.
Then verse 9, he said, "But if you cannot control your body, then you should marry." It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire. So, if you meet a believer, someone who claims to be a believer, and he tells you, "I'm not interested in marriage," and he's already way above 25 years of age, above 30, above 35, above 40, and he still tells you, "I'm not interested in marriage," then there is a question: Do you have, has God given you the gift of celibacy? Because it is a very rare gift, very rare gift anywhere in the world among the people of God. It is a very rare gift. Has God given you the gift of celibacy? Because when it is, when you have that gift, that grace to go on day in day out without any form of sexual desires at all flowing through you, would be made manifest. But when you don't have the gift of celibacy, you don't have that grace of celibacy, that comes to celibacy, you would, you would burn with sexual desire from time to time.
Now, if you look at verse 9 from some versions of the bible, it makes this thing even clearer. The Voice version of the bible, it says, "If they do not have control, they should go ahead and get married. It is much better to marry than to be obsessed by sexual urges." When, as a single, you find that you are consistently indulging in masturbation, consistently indulging in masturbation, it's an overwhelming sign that you don't, you are not called to be single. You are not ordained to be single. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far [Music] to a sexually tortured life as a single. Marriage has its own challenges. There are a lot of issues that could prop up in marriage. But it's telling us here that if difficulties of marriage are preferable by far, and one of the reasons why they are preferable is that sexual sin is a danger, is a real danger. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life [Music] as a single.
And at this point, we'll just quickly refresh our minds on some of the identified reasons why some marriages end in divorce. Proverbs chapter 14, verse 1. Proverbs chapter 14, verse 1, amplified bible, it says, "The wise woman builds her house on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives. But the foolish one, who lacks spiritual insight..." And this implies that for every single man looking out for a godly wife, one of the attributes of a wife material is that she must be a woman with spiritual insight. A woman with spiritual insight. A woman that understands why we have to obey the word of God. A woman with spiritual insights is the one that understands why it is better to do things God's way, even when sometimes it appears, you know, not to be the best option. But the foolish one, who lacks spiritual insight, who lacks spiritual insight, tears it down with her own hands, with her own hands, by her actions, by her utterances, by her attitude, by her behavior, by the kind of words, tears down her own marriage [Music] by ignoring godly principles.
The Passion Translation, Proverbs 14 verse 1, it says, "Every wise woman encourages and builds up her family. But a foolish woman, over time, over time, it's gradual, will tear it down by her own actions." And that is why you hear some people will secretly advise, "Ah, no, no, no, no. If you continue this way, there will be a problem at the end. In the days ahead, if you continue this way, this marriage will be no more." And if that advice is repeatedly ignored, in the process of time, it's what was predicted could happen, eventually happens.
So, what are those major reasons why marriages end up in divorce?
1. Life-threatening situation, physical assaults, and violent reactions.
2. Lack of brokenness, consistent disrespect, and contempt for your spouse. Lack of brokenness, consistent disrespect, and contempt for your spouse. Inability to apologize, and this is often due to an attitude of stubbornness or an attitude of pride, refusal to admit your mistakes.
3. Third major issue: sex-related complaints. Sex-related complaints. Like I said earlier, one of the three major purposes for marriage is sexual fulfillment, sexual satisfaction [Music]. So, you need to know what you are going in for and be ready to do the needful. Otherwise, take your time as a single [Music].
4. Frequent verbal abuse, frequent verbal abuse, and use of hurting words.
5. No regard for God's word, no regard for God and God's word. A husband that is not God-fearing, a wife that is not God-fearing.
6. External influences, external influences, negative influence of parents [Music], close siblings, close friends, bad advice, accepting counsel from the wrong people.
7. Another major cause of divorce [Music] is adultery. This is one of the reasons why, even when we pray for singles to get married, this is also one of the reasons why more of the singles are hesitant to get married [Music]. And as a result of what a lot of single men and women are observing, scaring things happening, a lot of them now want to be extra cautious before committing their life into the hands of any man or a woman in marriage.
8. Exposure of the true paternity of the child or children.
9. And emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity is the act of a married man or woman flirting with another man or woman, but without physical touch, without physical romance or sexual intercourse with the person. Sending him or her your nude pictures [Music]. You will now, if you look back, you observe that before the advent of social media, before the advent of social media, this wasn't prevalent. This wasn't a major issue. But with social media [Music], video calls, exchange of photos electronically, a lot of things that didn't used to happen before are now happening [Music].
10. Inability to bear children or a male child. Yes, this is one of the reasons why some marriages have broken up [Music]. But I can tell you this, that in most instances, when this is the reason [Music], if it's the man that is calling off that marriage for this reason, he would lie to people. He would lie that his wife is a bad wife. He will look for another reason to give people as his reason for pulling out from that marriage because he knows that people will be angry [Music] to hear that the reason he left his wife is because she couldn't have a child or have a male child. And this is vice versa. If it's a woman that is going to leave, wants to leave her husband for this reason, she's not going to tell anybody, "Oh, this is the reason why I left my marriage." She would hang on to some other reasons that are more acceptable to people.
11. Excessive bitterness and an unforgiving spirit. Excessive bitterness and unforgiving spirit. Whenever the husband or the wife is always revisiting past sins, past offenses, past mistakes.
12. Wrong values. Wrong values. Lack of proper understanding of God's major purpose for marriage. Let nobody deceive you. Scriptures can never be broken. In Proverbs 20 verse 6, the bible says, "A faithful man, who can find? Good husbands are not, not every man is a husband material." Let me just put it that way. Not every man is a husband material. And in Proverbs 31 verse 10, "A virtuous woman, who can find? Not every woman [Music] is a wife material [Music]." He said, "Riches and wealth are inherited from parents, but a good and understanding wife comes from the Lord." So, one of the reasons marriages are failing is because of wrong values. Wrong values. Placing your career success above marriage and family. You are ready to abandon your spouse and the children for a job somewhere that obviously is going to affect your marriage. Placing fame or financial benefits above marriage and family. I've told you, one of the three major reasons for marriage, Christian marriage, is companionship. Companionship. Companionship [Music]. And it's for life [Music]. If you travel to the U.S., to Canada, to UK today, you will see many spouses, some grandmothers that have abandoned their heart, living husband is alive, abandoned him back home, and is now permanently residing with a son or a daughter out there in a foreign country [Music]. Some go initially, even with the approval of the husband, just to one day take care of the newborn baby for three to max, maybe six months. But there are many instances today where the person never returns. And so, what do you see today in our markets back home? You see a married man with children who has done well for his family, trained all his children. In his late 60s, in his 70s, he is now going to the market four days every week to buy things, to buy leaf, to buy ingredients for soup. And the wife is alive. And he's a responsible man who took care of his wife and children. The marriage is a very serious, is a serious engagement in the eyes of the Lord. And it's better not to go into it than to go into it and frustrate the life of your partner through your actions.
13. And then number 11, lack of wholehearted commitment to the marriage. Refusal to pay the price of keeping a happy marriage.
14. Number 12, lack of trust, possessive jealousy, and frequent false accusations.
15. Number 13, loneliness and frequent absence of spouse.
16. And number 14, lack of love, care, and support. Lack of love, care, and support. Lack of care for your spouse, for the spouse. No sincere support from the spouse during his or her trials.
17. And then number 15, which is the last one, finance-related complaints. Finance-related complaints. Inability to provide the basic needs of the family.
And then this is the big question: Could some married men have avoided these things we mentioned here? Could they have avoided getting themselves in marriage with wives that persistently manifested these traits? Could some married women have avoided getting married to men that defiantly continue to manifest these traits? The answer is yes. More than 50 percent of the time, it could have been avoided. Look at Proverbs 27 verse 12 as we close it up. Proverbs 27 verse 12, Good News Translation, it says, "Sensible people see trouble coming and avoid it. But an unthinking person will walk right into it and regret it later." And this is, you know, one of the sad things I observe today. You see singles, you know, singles can spend, they can spend time writing 24 pages, 30 pages of how their wedding will be. They can spend hours discussing how they will enter the reception after the wedding. They can spend hours discussing how they will decorate the wedding hall. And that same single does not have four notes, four notes, after 10 years as a single, does not have four notes of what it takes for a man to succeed in marriage, for a woman to succeed in marriage. You will find single men today that cannot attend the marriage counseling class, marriage counseling class of your church or the church of your bride [Music]. A single woman that wants to be taken serious as a virtuous woman, a godly woman in marriage, you cannot attend marriage counseling class of your church. So, you discover that there are singles today who are so obsessed with, you know, the, the surface aspect of marriage [Music]. "Oh, how you will enter your wedding reception on a horse. You will be on your horse, your husband will be on a horse." And if you check it, 80 percent of the time, such marriages are over within a very short time [Music]. You have because the focus is on the wrong thing. The real, the real thing, the foundation, foundational issues that we uphold a marriage for the rest of your lifetime, those issues are ignored. Those issues are ignored. A Christian wife must be a praying mother, a trained wife. And today, you will find single women who want to marry, and she lives on the same road as her church, and 52 weeks of the year, she never attends the prayer meeting of her church. That is the woman that is going to oppose the husband and the family in the place of prayer, in the place of prayer, in the midst of storm. How to, you know, some things you would have done it for out of experience. You will now learn how to do it well and do it faster through experience. You will know how to cook some, every so many things at the same time. So, while a novice will spend one hour to put food on the table, no, an experienced lady would use maximum 10-15 minutes to put everything on the table.
Three major types of problematic spouses in marriage:
1. In the first case, the problematic spouse was truly godly and had a good track record of the qualities of a good husband or wife. But after marriage, the person changed and started indulging in ungodly acts and unpleasant behavior [Music]. If you are in this situation as a married person, don't blame yourself. Don't blame yourself.
2. The second type of problematic spouses in marriage: the problematic spouse pretended, pretended to be what he or she is not in his or her supposed spiritual beliefs, core values, attitude, temperance, chastity, and fidelity lifestyle and habits. As a result of his or her pretense, the partner had the confidence to go ahead and marry him or her.
3. And then the third type of problematic spouses in marriage: the problematic spouse consistently exhibited some very negative traits and tendencies long before the marriage without any serious sign of remorse, any serious sign of repentance or change in attitude. The partner still went into courtship and subsequently married him, subsequently married her.
So, why do single men and women make this mistake? Pressure to get married, or pleasure to marry that particular man or woman. Impatience. Desperation is the second reason. The third reason, physical attraction. The fourth reason, excessive lust, uncontrollable sexual urge. Reason number five, financial considerations. Number six, attraction to fame or popularity. Number seven, attraction to power, influence, or a position, either of the person or his or her family members. Number eight, spiritual manipulation. Yes, charms, spells, love portions. And then number nine, spiritual errors. Spiritual errors. I continue to warn the church, beware of revelations. Too many fake prophecies. What God did not say, people are saying God said it. And then the last one, high level of pretense by the partner. High level of pretense by the partner.
You know, the good thing I have to tell you, in the midst of all this, ultimately, ultimately, if someone is truly in Christ, if we are truly in Christ, then there is really nothing like [Music] a bad man, a bad woman. Because if we are truly in Christ, and we allow Christ to manifest himself in us, we will put away things like pride that will not allow us to change and accept a message like this, and we'll start changing. So, the real issue are the, the things I'm mentioning. Let's focus on the sin and not the sinner [Music]. So, let's focus on the things that cause issues in marriage and not the attributes of a bad wife or a bad husband. Because there are some very good wives today. If you dig their story, you will discover that 20 years ago, she was a very bad wife. There are some very good husbands today. If you find out, 13 years ago, he was a very bad husband. But somewhere along the line, they change. So, the focus is, what are the things that are not good? What are the things that are not acceptable? Not necessarily focus too much on the personality, the individuals involved. Now, in some other instances, you discover that Christ is not there. Christ is not there. Was there a way forward, pastor? [Music]
Singles can avoid problematic marriage by looking at the track record of whoever they want to marry [Music]. Every time, have you observed? Every time God chose someone for something that was to last for life, those people never turned their back on God. I preached this before on God's choice and message, God's choice [Music]. They made mistakes, some of them. They made mistakes at different times, but they never turned their backs on God. So, it will, it will take certain indicators for you to know who is the right person or the wrong person. And there are some indicators that still work. So, one thing you should consider is what is called track record. Track record is not only on the positive side. Track record also covers the negative things, negative behavior, negative actions of a particular person. If you check up your definition of a track record, it's actually talking about the record of the performance of a person, organization, as in some activity or some issue. Track record is about the achievements or failures, or failures that someone or something has had in the past [Music]. The performance of a person, organization, or product viewed in its entirety, and usually for the purpose of making a judgment, for the purpose of making a judgment. Before you decide who to marry, check the person's track record [Music]. "He that is faithful with little will be faithful with much." At least, there should be some minimal signs to show that this person, you know, will do much more in the years ahead [Music]. And Jesus also made it clear. He said, "He that is unfaithful with little will be unfaithful with much." You can use people's track record to predict, to a large extent. What do we do in the future? I pray you will not be trapped in a bad marriage in the name of Jesus.
So, singles, quickly, you need to do these things:
1. One, you need to pray and seek the face of God before you choose a partner. Pray and seek the face of God before you choose a life partner. If you are truly a child of God, He will reveal to you who, whether or not you should marry that person. Yeah. If He approves of your marriage to that person, or that man or the woman, the Lord will reconfirm it to you if He approves of it.
2. And number two, after praying to know God's mind, be patient and be sure you receive God's clearance to go ahead. You can fast for three days, God may not answer you at the end of the three-day fast. You can fast for seven days, God may not answer you at the end of the seven-day fast. Life marriage is a lifetime commitment for a believer. So, don't be too hasty to get yourself involved when even God, for whatever reason, has not given you a clearance.
3. Number three, if God gives you a clear warning or rejection of a particular person, please put every other positive consideration aside and stay clear of that option. Stay clear of that option. If God has told you ahead of time, it will be that marriage will be more troublesome if you go ahead compared to the man that God never, or the woman that God never warned before their marriage. If God has warned you about a particular thing and you go ahead, when you are praying for God's intervention, He will answer. He will answer for a long time, for a very long time. He won't answer because you were warned by God before that thing happened. But if God did not warn you and something trouble comes, when you pray, God will answer. This is how it works. And we have been in this prayer thing for, for quite some time.
4. And number four, a potential problematic spouse would occasionally exhibit some very negative traits and tendencies. This is a fact. A potential problematic spouse would occasionally exhibit some very negative traits and tendencies long before the marriage. Be sensitive and observant. Don't just make your judgment of the person from what you see about a person in church. Try to find out how the person behaves at the workplace. Find out how the person behaved at the previous workplace. Find out why the person changed jobs. If the person was asked to go, find out why the person was asked to go [Music].
5. And number five, when you ask, when you see certain negative traits, you know you cannot cope with, quit the relationship immediately. And we are talking about courtship now. Courtship. Quit that courtship immediately, irrespective of the positive attribute attractions of that person. If you know you, you know, because we've discovered that there are some things certain men cannot cope with. There are some things some women cannot cope with.
6. And number six, don't be too emotional or sentimental by refusing to call off the relationship if the disturbing signs you have observed are not addressed [Music]. The disturbing signs you have observed, they are not addressed. Even during courtship, call off duty. A broken courtship is better than a failed marriage.
7. And the last one, refusal to accept the warning signals that manifest during courtship has led many singles to become victims of a bad marriage that they could have avoided. What she's going through today, could she have avoided it? Yes, if she had acted based on the sickness she saw during courtship. What he went through, could he have avoided it? Yes, in many instances, if he had followed, acted upon the sickness he saw while they were in court. Praise hear the Lord.