Transcription
I can do whatever I want. I can take my time because Sally is there. She's waiting for me. That is not going to provide him with the urgency to act because it feels too comfortable. It feels too safe. It feels boring. It feels easy.
Men can only experience emotional clarity through periods of physical absence. That's what we talk about on my channel. We talk about space, distance, absence for the masculine energy man, the one that we deeply desire to figure it out, to get it together, to pull himself together. When there's this void within us, this desire for connection that is overriding our self-worth, what tends to happen is we push a masculine man away unconsciously by giving him way too much certainty.
So, in this video, I'm going to advocate or make the case for why space is necessary. Why physical absence is your best bet to get the desired commitment that you're looking for. This video is for the woman that is experiencing a man's confusion and is in a relationship with a man where he's maybe hot and cold. He's not as present as he once used to be. Or for a woman that is looking for deeper levels of commitment with a man and a man is hesitating.
For those of you that are new here, welcome. I make the case for why it is in our benefit to stop arguing for a man's attention and instead start using the logical evidence of attraction to get the commitment that we deeply desire. When we first meet a man, he's on his best behavior. And often times the reason for that is because he's trying to conquer us. That is the masculine energy men's deepest desire to conquer the woman of his dreams. This is natural in his DNA.
Now, as women, because we are so deeply connected to security and safety and community, that's the feminine, we believe and think mistakenly, but innocently that if we are consistently showering a man with affection and love and our radiance, our femininity, that a man is just going to appreciate us and he's going to love us in the way that we would feel loved. If a man was always kind of like into us. Of course, as secure, healthy feminine women, we want a man that is interested in us, but we are mostly attracted to men that we know deeply desire us and love us, but also have other things going on, right? We don't want a man that is so needy. Most of us are interested in men that seem avoidant or have this easygoing lazare attitude. So, they're not cold, they're charismatic, and they have their own thing going on. This is what makes us so deeply drawn to these type of men. And it could even be our husband. It could be in a long-term relationship where we see that the spark has sort of died. And what tends to happen for women is we try to bridge that gap by doing more, showing up more, being more available. And men don't read that as love, especially when it's coming from neediness because that's coming from the ego. It's not coming from the healthy part of us. They don't register that as love to them. They are consistently in fixit mode. That presence, the noise of presence or too much presence. And this is again, this is coming from over availability. This is coming from our anxiety. It's not coming from the healthy part of us. The healthy part of us wants a man but doesn't feel the anxiety when he's not around. He hasn't messaged us back right away. We feel secure in ourselves and therefore we feel secure in a man's love.
I'm speaking to those of us that experience this anxiety and we're not able to get a man to move to the next step. What a man feels when we move into this space is he's in this fix it mode or pressure because he consistently feels that he needs to do something to make you feel better. He he's constantly in this doing mode. He's in his head consistently. And what happens when a man is consistently in his head? He's not feeling. He can't feel and think at the same time. His brain is not connected the way it is for us as women where both sides of our hemispheres are connected. So we can think and feel at the same time. That's why we can be emotional in a conversation. Whereas in a man is way more logical. He needs time to process the empathy and the emotions of an argument. He's going to be very logical in the moment because he's not a woman. He functions differently from us. And so this sensory overload or this noise of our presence when it's coming from anxiety, it create the heightened state in his nervous system and this state of always trying to put out fires so to speak. He's always thinking, well, how do I manage her state? How do I manage her emotions? I want peace in the relationship. And so he's in this heightened state of awareness of trying to make sure that we're okay. And when he's feeling that, he's not able to really move into deeper levels of commitment because there's no clarity there about, do I want to move into next levels of commitment with her? Because in the moment, he's just thinking, she's upset again, and I don't want her to be upset, so I need to fix it. He's consistently in fix it mode and he's trying to put out the fire in the moment because masculine energy men or masculine and feminine energy in it of itself is very in the moment. So he can't sit and reflect on how amazing a future would be if in the moment there's consistent turmoil or anxiety that is coming up in the relationship.
Our consistent presence creates a safety net for men. Women as the feminine we desire safety. We desire certainty. We want that. We need that. And we in fact fall deeper in love with a man when there is safety in the relationship and we feel certain about where a relationship is going. The feminine will feel safe. However, a masculine man in the initial phases of deciding that he wants to make you his wife and move into deeper levels of commitment initially. This is not later on cuz of course when a man is engaged to you and he's married safety has to come in at play at that time because a man doesn't want drama but initially in him deciding well is this the woman for me he does not need a safety net if there's a safety net there for him and he knows that I can do whatever I want I can take my time because Sally is there she's waiting for me that is not going to provide him with the urgency to act because it feels too comfortable it feels too safe It feels boring. It feels easy. And our consistent presence then to get a man to move to the next step is creating this level of safety and security for a man, which we don't want because ultimately we want a man to realize that I love Sally. I want to be with Sally. And he doesn't recognize that when he thinks that no matter what I do, Sally's going to be there. She's not going to get bored of me. She's not going to punish me. There's no boundaries there. When I'm a jerk, she's just there. It creates too much comfort for a masculine energy man, which ultimately is good for him. It's good for his ego because he can delay commitment, but it pulls us away from what we desire, which is true devotion in a healthy relationship with a healthy masculine man. With too much presence. It delays him from emotionally experiencing and emotionally processing his feelings for you because in the moment when he's with you, he's not able to emotionally process. He's in the moment with you. So physical presence then ends up creating sensory overload that ultimately makes him postpone any deep level of emotional processing. Now it doesn't have to be physically present. It could also be like his constant knowing that you were there. So, consistent text messages, phone calls, just always being in a man's face essentially, it delays him from emotionally processing thinking about you, missing you. And so, while we benefit from that and we think that when a man is consistently thinking about us, it makes us feel closer to him. And we think that if it makes us feel good, it's going to make a man feel good. It's going to make his ego feel good, but it's not going to create this deep level of emotional closeness with you and bonding because men don't bond in the same way that we do.
Now, most of you have calls with me and you say to me that you want a man to move to the next level of commitment and you've leaned back and the leaning back has worked. You notice that a man is pursuing you more or coming toward you a little bit more in your leaning back, which is great. However, this is where we need to assess what we want in our life and in the relationship. If we're not looking for marriage, then by all means, take a step back and see what he does. However, if you are in your late 30s, 40s, let's say you want a serious commitment. If you want a serious commitment for a man, it's not going to take him more than a year to know that you're the one. And if you take a small amount of space in this period of time where this man is confused and you've been together over a year, because at a certain point, if a man is in his late 30s, 40s onward, it's not going to take him a lot of time to know that you're the one. Like, he's had enough life experience at that point to know that a woman is the one for him. And often times, he's delaying because he can. We provide him too much comfort and so he's able to take that for granted. So, a small amount of space is not going to work here. We're going to have to withdraw completely and we're going to have to exit the situation. The only way a man is going to be able to have the emotional clarity to know can I move to the next step. And the reason for that is because when we when a man tells us I don't want to marry you and we stay and let's say our heart desires that we want marriage or whatever it is that we want from a man we are literally communicating low selfworth and so how can a man feel attraction like true attraction a healthy man how can he feel true attraction for a woman that doesn't love herself enough to do what is right for her so this is not about an ultimatum it's not giving a man a condition, well, you have to marry me or I'm leaving. It can't come from that energy. That energy is very masculine and it's very manipulative and it's not going to work with a healthy masculine man. So, I'm talking about the healthy feminine and the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine come from an empowered place where they accept if a man doesn't want to get married and that's okay. But they also accept that if their ultimate desire is to be married or to be a wife, they're going to also honor their own heart. And oftentimes that is what is going to trigger a man to move to the next step on his own. Very rarely does a man just have these deep desire to marry a woman when he said all along, I don't want to be married.
What I'm trying to teach you in my videos and in my work is that to have deep devotion in a relationship requires you to have deep selfrespect. And if a man is saying, "I can't give you X, Y, and Z." We don't want to shame the man. We don't want to give a man an ultimatum. We don't want to belittle him or force him or manipulate him. But we also want to respect ourselves and our own heart. And we want to walk away. And we want to trust that if this man is for us or someone else is for us, that person will find us. And the only way that'll happen is when we become the magnetic force for what we want. This is manifestation. When we become the magnetic force for healthy love and we believe that we are worthy of healthy love and we walk away, this is a huge component of feminine energy in manifestation is just walking away and letting go of that which is not in alignment. And so if a man is saying, "I don't want to be with you. I don't want to marry you." We don't hold on to that. We don't stay in that sort of relationship. We walk away from it. And if it's meant to come back again, it will come back again. But from a more aligned space.
Now, let's talk about the power of the total void or the blackout. This is so important because when a man realizes, "Oh my god, I'm actually going to lose her." And he actually feels your absence. Now, this can take time depending on how available you are. And sometimes the more available we are, the more we've done the begging, the more we've done the convincing, the more we've done the overexlaining, over talking, blah blah blah, all all the things, the faster it is for a man to realize how much he misses you when you're not around. It it just very much depends on how much security you've given to a man. But the more space you give him, the more distance you take. And when you really walk away, this is the power where a man starts to think about you. He starts to miss you. He starts to wonder what you're doing. And he starts to evaluate your role in his life. He starts to actually question whether he made a right decision of not moving things to the next level. Silence ultimately forces a man to stop thinking and doing for the relationship and it actually allows him to start evaluating the relationship and thinking about the relationship, imagining about the relationship. And here's the funny thing about the brain. The brain will always tune out the bad memories and it'll always go back to the fond memories. This is why a relationship can be so toxic and after some time our brain forgets how toxic the relationship was and we miss the guy, right? He'll remember how loyal you are. He'll remember how much attention you gave him. And he'll miss that. He'll be able to think about that. I recommend going cold turkey and having no communication with him. And even like letting him know what you're looking for in the relationship, not blaming him, not giving him an ultimatum for not being where you're at, but simply saying that I respect where you're at, but I also have to take care of myself, and this is what I want. This is why clarity is so important. You need to first have clarity as a feminine and as a woman of what you want in your life for a man to then gain clarity. If you don't have clarity and you're just going with the flow, you're going to waste all of your time. Let's say you do want to get married and you want to move to the next step. You communicate to a man that I don't want to have communication anymore unless and until you're ready to take that next step. And if you aren't, that's okay. But I would want you to respect my need to heal and to ultimately meet someone that is on the same page as me.
What happens in this period and how long does it take for a man to move from logic to longing? Well, if a man is reaching out to you and he's expecting that you're going to return his messages, return his calls, he's expecting you to reach out in some way, at some point, he's going to come to the realization that, oh my god, like she's serious and I might have actually lost her, it's going to force him to start imagining a life with you. And the more that a man gets to experience, the mystery of what you're doing, how you're feeling, and the competition in him starts to activate within, which is this idea of can another man take my place? Can she actually be interested in someone else? This is not a game. This is really how the masculine nervous system is wired. They're wired to compete, to win a woman over, to earn her. And when a man doesn't experience those feelings, he doesn't experience having to earn a woman and to work for her, he's going to naturally take that woman for granted. He's not going to experience the deeper desire of longing and attraction and devotion for a woman. And so when you completely remove yourself and you pass all these tests where a man is trying to reach out to you and it's irrelevant messages, checking in, seeing how you're doing, and you just don't respond. And again, this is not about being manipulative or strategic. It's not about that. So, if you're coming from that place and you're coming from the angle of I'm just going to ignore him because if I ignore him, he's going to think about me more. He's going to miss me. It won't work because it's not coming from the right place. Your intention matters. The intention has to be I miss this person. I love this person and he's reaching out to me. I so deeply want to communicate with him, but I know that this is not good for me. This is not good for my inner child. This is not good for the future version of me. When it's coming from that place, that's the place where it's actually going to land in the universe. And that's where the magnetism is. And that's what a man is going to feel. He's going to feel, okay, she's really serious. And he's going to have the opportunity now to experience the feelings that he so deeply wants to feel with you, which is longing and love and desire. A man wants to feel that. A man wants to miss you. A man does not want to be bored in a relationship, even into marriage. A man always wants to have this sense that I can lose her if I act out of place. Men need boundaries. Kids need boundaries. Dogs need boundaries. Everyone needs boundaries. Take the power back and instead you focus on your self-worth, increasing your self-worth. Because when you do that from a high value organic place, a man is going to feel that and that is what is going to start creating these consequences for a man. And then when a man experiences consequences, these are natural consequences of you taking your energy away from a man when he's not able to commit and move forward. A man will then be able to decide if this is something that he wants to move toward into the long run. And he's going to actually be able to evaluate his emotions and feel his emotions in your absence. The beautiful part about this is this is when a man starts to evaluate what his life could look like if you never came back. And here's the thing. A man needs to realize that in order for me to make this big commitment and give up my autonomy, give up my freedom, I need to feel that I can lose this thing. Because why would he commit to the next level if he doesn't feel this sense of potential perceived loss in this organic way where you're really just thinking about yourself and your own hurt? You're taking care of yourself. A man gets to really come to the decision on his own. And this is so important for healthy men because they don't want to be pressured into feeling a certain way, doing something because the woman is telling them to do it. They want to come to this decision on their own. It's so important for men to feel autonomous in their decision-m especially in relationships. Essentially, this fear of losing you and this fear that a man experiences when you pull back like in a real genuine way like not to manipulate him creates emotional clarity for him that he was not able to experience or access when you were around.
To wrap things up, a man's deepest desire and devotion is going to come from the woman that is able to walk away, that knows her worth, that knows her value, and is not doing it from a strategic standpoint or to try to get a man to do something. However, it's coming from a high sense of self-worth and love for herself. When a man feels this, this is what inspires him to be the man that he longs to be because he wants to be with a woman that makes him better, that pushes him to be the best version of himself. And only a woman that holds a man accountable, that is able to allow a man to experience natural consequences of his decisions or indecision is going to be able to activate that in a man. And a man's deepest desire is to marry the woman that makes him feel like a better man. Every man wants to experience this. So remember to always create a level of space and distance in your relationships. If you're looking for more clarity, talking, arguing is never going to work with men. In fact, taking space is what is going to allow a man to naturally come to his own decision-making process about what to do and how to take things to the next step. We're building a community of 100k women who lead with logic and essence. If you're one of them, subscribe and join our road to 100k. Make sure you like the video. This helps other women reach the video. I'll see you on the next one. Bye for now.