Transcription
Have you ever set a goal only to quickly lose motivation a few days or weeks after? Have you ever accomplished a goal only to find that it left you feeling empty? You're not alone.
In this video, I'll be exploring why goals can set us up for failure, whether or not we reach them. This is the first installment in the series exploring how to get from where we are to where we want to be.
Most goals are dreams. We imagine destinations that hold the promise of a better tomorrow. Points in time that sit on a threshold between where we are and where we want to be. Run a marathon, buy a house, get 10,000 followers. Our goals are largely based on things we want to experience, but haven't. These destinations are unknown territory. It's not until we set sail that we begin to transition from imagination to reality. In other words, the day we set the goal marks the furthest point from reality. Reaching our destination will take time. In that time, we learn new things. Our circumstances and our priorities are likely to change. We aren't who we were when we set out. As we draw closer and reality begins to reveal itself, it often differs from our uninformed preconceptions.
By thinking of our goals as destinations, we limit our ability to succeed to ill-informed yet very specific predetermined conditions. If we don't meet those conditions, whether it be losing 10 pounds, running a marathon, earning X dollars, then we feel like we failed. When our goal requires us to reach some tiny arbitrary point we put on the map of our life long ago, our chances of failure are high.
But it isn't obvious that viewing goals as destinations can be even worse when you happen to succeed. When we set goals as destinations, we focus all of our attention on achieving a moment in time. The problem is that the moment you cross the finish line, that moment begins to fade. Life moves on. Now what?
So are goals bad? Not at all. Though they make poor destinations, they can serve as wonderful guides. Many goals are self-serving. You reach the goal to reach the goal, and that makes them dead ends. Meaningful goals align with things that genuinely matter to you. Things that will long outlast these goals, like family, creativity, connections, adventure. Rather than figuring out a process to achieve your goals, try figuring out goals that will help you navigate a process.
Rather than thinking of goals as destinations, I like to think of them as lighthouses. Lighthouses are beacons built to help us navigate. They rarely serve as final destinations. They allow us to orient ourselves as we continue to explore unknown territory until we find what we're looking for. They're simply guides that can help us from getting lost on a much longer and more exciting adventure. What goals can you set that will allow you to learn about something you're interested in or help you figure out how to make a living doing something that you care about?
When we see goals as lighthouses, we will naturally start paying attention to the journey rather than the destination. Our focus goes from winning or losing to becoming the best player we possibly can be.
Goals can be motivated in one of two ways: extrinsically or intrinsically. Extrinsically motivated goals focus on things like getting a medal, a nomination, a certain amount of money. These are things that are out of our control. Intrinsically motivated goals focus on the things we can control, like showing up to train, to learn, to work.
Now, to be clear, it's important to define a specific outcome because it forces us to think about what we want and gives us a direction. It's not helpful, however, to limit our definition of success to things that we can't control about a reality we don't really understand. Conceptualizing goals as lighthouses helps us focus on what we can control: the process. The whole point of a goal is to see where it takes us. Achieving the initial outcome no longer becomes the measure of success. It's the experience that working towards that outcome provides. If you happen to achieve the goal along the way, that's just a bonus you get for heading in the right direction.
Okay, let's summarize. Here are three ways to reframe your goals as lighthouses.
Set goals that serve a larger purpose. Many goals end up feeling meaningless because they are self-serving. Get apps, get X followers. You hit the goal to hit the goal. It creates an identity that you shed the moment you cross the finish line. It's a dead-end goal. To avoid setting dead-end goals, see if you can figure out at least five different goals that would also support your larger intention. If you can't, then chances are you're setting a dead-end goal.
Frame goals as experiments. Most goals fail because we approach them as equations. Doing X equals getting Y. If I go to the gym five days a week, I will lose weight. If I post a video every week, I will get more followers. This makes common goals fragile because as we start taking action, things rarely add up. We don't lose weight, we don't get more followers, and we give up. A goal isn't an equation; it's a hypothesis. Every goal is going to present us with countless variables we can't account for. In order to get what we want, we need to remain both flexible and diligent. We can do this by thinking of goals as experiments. Rather than stating that doing X equals getting Y, we want to frame our endeavor as a question: Will X get us Y? This tiny adjustment changes everything. It shifts the focus on goals from being outcome-oriented to being process-oriented. When things get hard, as they will, it allows us to approach the resistance with curiosity instead of judgment. Getting curious about setbacks opens up doors that judgment tends to shut in our face. We have the opportunity to improvise and adapt rather than giving up. This turns goals from serving as a blip in time to experiences that help us cultivate our curiosity, skill, and knowledge.
Make progress the definition of success. Goals are the definition of an outcome, not the definition of success. They are a hypothesis that help us think about and move towards what we want or how we want to be. They give us direction, which is critical. Success, however, should be defined by whether or not working towards that goal is helping us make progress towards our larger purpose. Are you being healthier? Are you developing your skills? Consistent progress trumps any predefined goal. That's why tracking progress is so important. We have a tendency to focus on how far away we are from where we want to be, instead of looking at how far we've come.
By viewing goals as lighthouses rather than destinations, we open ourselves up to exploring what is possible when we act with intention. We view the goal for what it is: a landmark to help us orient ourselves on the often confusing journey to self-discovery. If we realize we're not headed in the right direction, we simply change course based on what we discover along the way. When it comes to what really matters, there is no destination. Life always moves on. You find the perfect job; you have to keep working. You find the perfect relationship; you have to keep earning it. All that ever matters is that we keep moving towards the things that light us up.
I hope this was helpful. Thank you for your time. Be sure to like and subscribe, and I will see you next week with the next part in the series. Happy Bullet Journaling.