7 عادتِ اشتباه در صحبت کردن که شما را به شدت ضعیف نشان می دهد!

Every time you start speaking in a group, people in the first few seconds, in silence, put a price on you and unconsciously decide whether you are worth listening to or not, whether you are even at a level where they should value your words and respect you or not. The reality is that your way of speaking, without you realizing it, reveals your social status and class. In this video, I want to talk about 7 very subtle mistakes we make in our everyday conversations. But without us realizing it, they cause others to underestimate us and destroy our credibility in the workplace, among friends, or even on an important date. If you don't recognize these mistakes, you will hand over great opportunities that you deserve to others every day. Those who know how to speak. Let's examine them from the simplest mistake to the most destructive, in order. The last mistake, which is the most important, is the analysis of Pierre Bourdieu, the great French sociologist, and it is precisely the secret that will make you understand the difference between faking confidence and having real confidence once and for all. The first mistake is something you have probably done several times today from morning until now, at home or at work. Verbal fillers. Have you seen some people use words like "you know," "like," a lot when they speak? These are not just simple habits. They show that you are speaking much faster than your brain's processing speed. Our anxious brain has a strange phobia. Fear of silence. We unconsciously think that if we pause for even a second, others will think we've lost it. So, to avoid losing the flow, you produce meaningless sounds rapidly. It's as if you are desperately filling a hole so that no one realizes how empty it is. And when you speak like this, it's impossible to appear intelligent and in control. Calculated silence is your most powerful tool in a conversation. People respect thoughtful pauses, but the constant hearing of verbal fillers is just a sign of doubt, hesitation, and awkwardness. Now, how do we get rid of this habit? The way is to face your fear. Pick up your phone, record a one-minute video of yourself, and answer a simple question like "What did you do today?" Count the number of these fillers. Record again, but this time, set a ruthless rule. Every time you are tempted to use fillers like "you know," slam on the brakes. Instead, pause and be silent. Don't be afraid of this silence. Your brain might beg you to fill that gap at that moment, but resist. Repeat this exercise until you can speak for a full minute without fillers, until your brain gets used to it. The second mistake is unnecessary apologies. "Sorry, my English isn't good." "Excuse me, I couldn't prepare much." "Sorry, I made my PowerPoint in a rush." Stop talking like this right now. Do you know what you do to yourself every time you say these sentences? You are dismantling your authority piece by piece in front of others. This used to be my habit for a while. Until during my university years, I was presenting a topic in class. Suddenly, the professor interrupted me and said, "Why are you apologizing unnecessarily? Your English is good. You are presenting the topic well. You are doing your job correctly. Why are you apologizing so meaninglessly?" He was absolutely right. Most of the time, no one even notices the flaw you are apologizing for. But the moment you point it out yourself, they see the problem. Now it's as if you've handed them a magnifying glass and said, "Come, find my flaws and imperfections." When you don't trust your own answer or skill and keep saying "sorry," why should others trust you? But what's the solution? Take a deep breath and continue speaking as if everything is exactly according to plan. If you forget something, pause, breathe, gather your thoughts, and then get straight to the point. Remember, no one will think you made a mistake or are bad unless you tell them yourself. Of course, breaking this habit is very difficult because most of us are caught in the imposter syndrome. We unconsciously want to lower others' expectations so that if we mess up somewhere, we won't be judged. We think this is called humility, but in reality, it's a defensive shield born out of fear. There is a world of difference between being humble and showing yourself as weak. In the next mistake, you convey the exact same feeling of weakness and need to the audience without even saying a word. That is, when you avoid eye contact. When you can't look someone in the eye, maybe you're just stressed, but others think you're lying or hiding something. Eye contact means pure confidence. It means [music] "I see and I stand by my words with authority." If you're constantly looking at the walls and the floor while talking to someone, you've lost the game from the start. Psychologically, when stressed, the brain goes into fight or flight mode. Stealing a glance is exactly that escape mechanism. Your subconscious wants to escape the burden of judgment to feel secure. So, how do we hack this survival mechanism? Do an exercise. Turn on your phone's camera. Stare directly into the lens for 30 seconds. As if you are looking into the person's eyes, and then speak. It's strange at first, but this strangeness is good because you are breaking an old habit. There's another trick I used myself. In a real conversation, instead of getting stressed, try to discern the other person's eye color. This mental task forces you to establish natural eye contact without rushing or overthinking. But the next mistake is where your tone of voice betrays you. That is, ending sentences with a questioning tone. This is where you fall into the trap of people-pleasing. When you end a sentence questioningly, no matter how logical your claim is, it's as if you are asking for permission. It's as if you don't trust your expertise or what you're saying. At the end of every sentence, you say, "Right?" "Yeah." "Do you get what I'm saying?" "Do you understand what I mean?" This is a sign of excessive sensitivity to others' reactions. It's as if you're constantly scanning the room for validation, and this completely destroys your authority. If you're very worried about whether the other person understood you or not, it's better to ask them firmly and clearly at the end, "Was this part clear, or do you have a question?" This is much better. You appear confident and conclusive. But the fifth mistake is speaking too fast and hastily. When you speak quickly, you might not notice it yourself, but the other person thinks, "How impatient and anxious they are." They don't believe their words are important and want to finish quickly and leave. Look at leaders and charismatic people, how calmly they speak. They pause in the middle of their sentences and breathe comfortably because they want to say their words have weight. If you have a habit of speaking fast, try to chew your words from now on. Try it with me right now. Say this sentence quickly and hastily: "I know what I'm talking about." Now say it again, but slower. Let each word linger in your mouth for an extra fraction of a second. "I know what I'm talking about." Did you feel the difference? Just by controlling the speed of your speech, your authority increases manifold. But the next mistake is nervous restlessness. While speaking, you keep shifting your weight. You play with your phone or watch, or you keep tapping your foot. It's as if you're standing on hot coals. In psychology, this is called self-soothing. When you're stressed, your adrenaline rises. And your body unconsciously releases this extra energy through a series of small movements. But by doing this, you are simultaneously shouting, "I'm uncomfortable, please don't look at me." Remember, authority doesn't fidget. Charismatic people don't jump around like an anxious child. They stand still and speak because they know every random movement distracts from their words. And here, let's go to the seventh mistake, which I promised in the first video. The linguistic capital of Pierre Bourdieu, the French sociologist, talks about a concept called linguistic capital. He says we all know economic capital, meaning money, houses, and cars, but there is another invisible and more powerful capital used in our interactions, which acts like an invisible credit card and determines how much you are seen, how much professional and career success you achieve, and how much your words are taken seriously. He says that ultimately, the world doesn't look at what you know. It looks at how you express it. For example, in a scientific conference, two doctors are giving lectures. The doctor who says "etiology" instead of "cause of the disease," or "pathophysiology" instead of "how the body is involved," is unconsciously seen as more credible. Specialized words are your VIP ticket to enter the circle of the powerful. Of course, maintain proportionality here. You don't need to swallow a dictionary. For example, if you're having a specialized discussion, use a vocabulary that hammers home your authority, and if you're in a friendly gathering, it's enough to speak like a pleasant, friendly, but classy person. So, now that we understand how powerful linguistic capital is, how do we learn it? Is it innate or acquired? Bourdieu says this type of capital has three sources. The first is freedom from financial urgency, meaning you are not so caught up in the struggle for survival, for rent, and running for rent that you can comfortably sit down sometimes and study, watch a movie, travel, and gather experiences. The second source is family transmission, a space where from childhood, at the dinner table, instead of gossiping and superficial reactions to world events, you learn to build analyses and arguments. The third source is economic capital. That is, money that is not just spent on survival but is converted into books, education, learning, or even theater tickets. And the good news is that this linguistic capital is completely buildable. Perhaps your past was not in your control, but start from today. Read more, learn more, increase your vocabulary, and analyze the world around you more. If you've been with me until this point in the video, you'll probably notice very quickly the next time you go to a meeting how this linguistic capital determines people's status and power in the first few minutes in a group. By the way, share your experiences in the comments so we can talk more about it, and so you never forget these seven golden secrets, I will design a complete mind map of this video for you and put it on the Telegram channel. Be sure to download it so it's always in front of your eyes. The link to the Telegram channel is in the description of this video [music]. Thank you for staying with us until the end of the video. Yeah.