Transcription
I've struggled with anxiety. I've studied anxiety. I treat anxiety. And now I'm gonna show you the 10 best ways I've learned to quickly reduce your anxiety.
I'm clinical psychologist Dr. Ali Mattu. I spent the last 10 years treating anxiety disorders in New York City. And before I get to these quick anxiety relief techniques, a few disclaimers. All of these skills are designed to help you with the short-term, the immediate struggle that you find yourself in right now. They're not long-term solutions to anxiety. I'll talk more about those at the end of this video.
Some of them also require physical activity, so if you have any concerns about your physical health, talk to a physician before trying the skills. Or require more physical activity. Lastly, have an open mind. Some of these skills are gonna work for you, some aren't. Some are gonna require practice, some you're gonna get immediate benefits from. Some will work in one context but not another, and some might work for you now, but they might stop working in the future. That's okay. It takes time to figure out what works with the unique way in which you experience anxiety.
There are a few things I want you to do to get ready for this process. The first is to just unclench your jaw, loosen it up, and relax your shoulders. Drop them back. Ease yourself into the chair that you're sitting in right now as much as you can. Put your phone away or your laptop away. Not if you're watching this video, obviously. But if you are, you can put them in do not disturb mode or airplane mode if that's possible for you. Try to minimize as many distractions as possible.
Technique number one: Get grounded in the present moment. Sometimes anxiety can make you feel like you're not really plugged into your body or your environment. You're moving on autopilot. You're walking through this brain fog, and you might even be questioning if things are real or if you are a real person. If you've experienced any of those things, you might be struggling with depersonalization or derealization. The fastest way to reduce this is through grounding skills. Grounding skills help you to feel more present in your environment, present in your body, or grounded in something that feels real.
Try five, four, three, two, one. This is a sensory grounding skill designed to get you plugged into your environment. Look at five different things around you. Really notice the details. Describe them. Touch four different things: your shirt, your watch, your ring, things in your pocket. Really feel them and notice what the sensation is like. Listen to three different things in the environment around you. I hear the buzzing of these lights. I hear a bird outside. I also hear the air conditioning up above. And then smell two different things in the environment right now. I smell my matcha tea that I have off-screen. And then I also smell, I can smell the cookies that I made earlier. And then also taste one sensation right now. I just taste dry mouth from recording this video, which means I should probably drink some of this.
Make a list. Something that is difficult to complete, like your favorite places in your local community, your favorite movies, your favorite characters. I like to list out my favorite starships from Star Trek because I'm a big Trekkie. You can do things like your favorite things you like to cook, ingredients in those things, anything that you know well and is difficult to complete. Transport yourself to a place you know well and then visually think of yourself going through that environment. For me, what works best with this is imagining myself going to work and recreating every step it takes for me to get from my home to my job.
Experience intense sensations: really loud music, a candle that has a strong scent, a strong peppermint candy, hot water, really cold water, anything that is going to give your nervous system a little bit of a shock. Get absorbed into an activity. Do something that is going to occupy your mind and body. For me, that means organizing my bookshelf. Organizing really means cleaning up because it's really messy, but it's something that takes a lot of time. It gets me active and it kind of engages me in where do things need to go.
Technique number two: Make friends with your anxiety. There is no way to remove anxiety from your life. Anxiety is a normal emotion when we think there is danger, when we're in an unpredictable situation, when we're doing something for the first time, when it's an important event and the stakes are high. But if you're watching this video, anxiety is probably getting in the way of your life. And there are many good reasons why that might be. Some of us are born with the volume turned up on anxiety genetically or wired to experience more of it than most people. Others have gone through very difficult experiences and our minds have associated certain everyday experiences with danger. Others might be doing something for the first time and you just don't know what's gonna happen or how to deal with it. And then some of us might be in such a challenging situation that our ability to cope does not meet this challenge.
But what we have to remember is we are built for this. Anxiety is what has kept our species alive for thousands of years. Anxiety is like rocket fuel pumping through your body, activating your flight-or-fight system, getting your heart to beat harder, your breath becomes faster, your muscles tense up. All of this allows you to jump higher, run faster, fight harder. Your mind becomes completely focused on overcoming this obstacle. Your senses are heightened so you're able to take in more information. We can't get rid of anxiety. We can't fight anxiety. We have to learn how to live with anxiety. We have to make anxiety our friend.
Technique number three: Change your body's chemistry. When you have all this rocket fuel flowing through your body, the quickest way to reduce anxiety is by igniting that rocket fuel. And you can do that through intense physical exercise. Going for a run, going for a swim, lifting weights. Even a brisk walk can help. I don't like any of those things, so what I do is go for a bike ride. It always helps me to burn off some of the anxiety I might be experiencing.
Something else you can do is cool your body down through the dive reflex. The dive reflex is an exercise you can do that fools your body into thinking that it's diving into the ocean, and it triggers your body's parasympathetic nervous system. This is the part of your body that calms you down. I made another video that explores all the ways in which you can do the dive reflex, and here's a little clip from that video. This area over here, sort of your eyes and your nose area, and especially inside your nostrils, these areas need to be exposed to cold water. That's number one. Number two, you have to hold your breath. And number three, you have to keep that going for about 15 to 30 seconds. It's that those are the combination of things that are required to trigger this reflex. 71 beats per minute. So you can see already it dropped down just, just after a little bit.
You can also change your body's chemistry by changing the way you breathe. And two things to remember here: you want to slow your breathing down, and you want to breathe out more slowly than you breathe in. Quick way to remember this is to breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four, and breathe out for eight. In for four, hold for four, out for eight. Changing your breathing is one of the hardest skills to do when you're experiencing intense anxiety, so don't be surprised if you struggle with this one, especially if you haven't practiced it when you aren't anxious.
Technique number four: Stop fighting your thoughts. Our minds are amazing at making predictions, and when we're anxious, our minds get focused on a danger. We increase the likelihood of that danger and we imagine catastrophe. That's just what our minds do when we're experiencing anxiety. The problem is when we get stuck on these thoughts or we try to restrict them, we try to get them completely out of our head. That never works. It just gives them more fuel and makes them more sticky in our minds. What we have to do is honor these thoughts, the important reasons why we're having them, and find ways to get unstuck with these thoughts.
Here are some of my favorite ways to think about anxious thoughts: Your thoughts might be scary, but they aren't dangerous. You control what you do, not your thoughts. Don't believe everything you think. Know that this moment of worry will not last forever. It will last longer than you want it to, but it will pass. Your worries are like an ocean wave. They rise, they fall, and then they disappear forever. Maybe you'll be calm, or maybe another wave will strike, but anxiety never lasts forever. Thoughts always change. They're like the weather passing over a tall mountain. The mountain is strong enough to survive every type of storm. Your thoughts are just thoughts.
You can't think your way out of worrying. You can also be anxious and do something. Give yourself permission to do something badly, to make mistakes too. Do something while you are uncomfortable. That's completely fine. Anxiety is the most common problem experienced by adults in the world. You're in good company. A lot of us are struggling to do these everyday things as well.
You can also try asking yourself some of these questions: What is the worst that could happen? Zero to 100%, how much do you believe that this will happen? Could you find a way to deal with it if it does happen? What real-world, concrete, tangible evidence do you have that this thing that you fear is true? Are your fears created by intense feelings or overwhelming data? What would you tell a friend who came to you for help and is struggling with this exact same situation? Have you been through this before? What happened? Did your fears come true? How did you cope with it?
You can also try doing worry time. This is where you take 10 minutes a day and you write down all of your worries. You just get them out of your head and onto a piece of paper. Then the next day, if you experience more worries, just remind yourself, "I can deal with those when I get to worry time." When you do get to worry time, look over what you wrote yesterday. Has anything changed? Do you have new information that changes how you see those worries that you were having yesterday? And keep this up for as long as you need to.
You can also try journaling about your anxiety. Take 20 minutes for four days and write about all of your anxiety. Write about the emotions you're experiencing, how they relate to your childhood, how they relate to your relationships right now, your concerns about the future. Explore why you think this is happening to you. And write for yourself. Don't worry about your grammar, don't worry about your spelling, but just spend 20 minutes writing. Do this for four days in a row, and a lot of times that can give you more context. It can make the emotions less intense, and it might help you to work through some blockage that you might be experiencing related to this problem.
Technique number five: Opposite action. Anxiety can drive us to avoid situations, to escape them, to get extra help in some cases, freeze, or in others, attack. If doing those things doesn't help you to reach your goals and do the things that you want to do, consider doing opposite action. Going opposite whatever the urge is that anxiety wants you to do. Think about it like this: What would someone who doesn't experience anxiety in this situation do? Then do that thing. One way I like to do this is write down on a piece of paper what am I afraid is going to happen in this situation, and then I'll put that in my pocket. I'll do opposite action, and then I'll revisit what I wrote down and see what did I learn? What actually happened? This is how we grow. This is how we learn by getting outside of our comfort zone.
Technique number six: Use a coping skill. Coping skills are something that helps you to be in the situation that is difficult for you. They help you to make contact with your fear, and they help you to stick with your fear and be able to deal with it in a flexible way. You can carry an object that helps you to feel safer or more courageous. For me, the Starfleet badge always makes me feel a little bit better. Bring something with you that helps you to feel more comfortable, like a water bottle or medication or music. A lot of times we might not even use these things, but just knowing we have them makes us more comfortable.
Get help from someone else. Text someone when you're about to do something that's really anxiety-provoking, or ask someone to come with you to help you do the thing that's difficult for you. I like to do screenshots of texts from people who have been really super encouraging and helpful for me, and I save those in an album for those times when I want help from someone else, but it's hard to get help from someone else.
Take an action that actually reduces danger. Whenever I am taking a lift or an Uber late at night, I will always text someone before I get into that ride. I will send my real-time ETA through that app, and then also text someone when I get out of the car. Or if I'm exploring a new part of the city, I'll do a lot of information gathering beforehand to make sure that I'm going into a safe place.
Bring your favorite coping statements with you. Things that you've learned from this video or Instagram memes or mantras that help you. For me, it's remembering that everything I want to do is on the other side of fear. That is what I repeat to myself when I have to do something that is very anxiety-provoking for me.
Get some temporary distraction. Watch a YouTube video, play a game on your phone, listen to a podcast, read a book. Whatever is gonna absorb your attention for a little bit and help you get over a hump of anxiety. Neutralize your anxiety a little bit. Do something that actually brings it down, just a little. Maybe ask for reassurance from someone, or if you have an urge to wash your hands, maybe wipe them a little bit, or ask an official for more information about this thing that you're about to do.
Put on protection. Wear something that's socially acceptable and makes you feel a little bit safer in the situation you're about to enter. Prepare. Rehearse this thing you have to do. Take notes. Practice it over and over again until you feel more ready.
When you're using coping skills, make sure they actually help you to be in the situation you want to be in. So if your coping skill is distraction on your phone, and the goal that you have is to meet new people at a party, well, you're not really gonna be able to do that if you spend the whole time on your phone. It's okay if it helps you to get through the door and gets you through big humps of anxiety that come along the way, but make sure it's not sucking all of your attention and you are able to be in that situation you want to be in. Let me know what your favorite coping skill is in the comments below.
Technique number seven is to do something you love. This is a great skill when you are stuck. There's nothing you can do but wait for something to happen. Maybe you're waiting to hear back from someone or something, or maybe you just need to wait for a few days until this other thing happens and your anxiety is high. Do something you love. Cook, clean, organize, take some photos, make a video, read, watch something you love. Whatever it is that you really enjoy doing, do that thing. If you can't do that, like if you're in a place and you physically can't do any of those things, imagine yourself doing them. Imagination is the next best thing to reality, and just thinking about those things can help.
Something else here that works, speaking of imagination, is visualizing something that you really love. Visualize a place or memory that you love. One of my favorite go-to memories is remembering my wedding day, specifically when my wife and I and our wedding party, our wedding party were on the High Line Park in New York City. It's a beautiful moment, and it's something I go to that immediately does help me to feel a bit calmer.
Technique number eight: Recharge. Go to sleep. It helps. It helps everything. It makes everything better. Your ability to deal with your emotions, your attention, your focus, your ability to solve problems, all that stuff gets better with sleep. And I know some of you might be struggling with sleep, and anxiety can make it harder to sleep. But if there's anything you can do to help yourself with that, try that. I've got a video about sleep, maybe that'll help you out. You can nap. You can eat if you haven't eaten. Drink water. You might be dehydrated. Take a shower. Clean your face. Put on some clothes that make you feel better. All of these things can help you to feel just a little bit more recharged.
Technique number nine: Remember your why. Why do you want to do this thing that is causing you so much anxiety? Why is it important to you? What are you afraid you might miss out on if you don't do this thing that is causing you anxiety? Really think about the why. And connecting with that why can sometimes give you that extra motivation to overcome this anxiety that you're experiencing.
Another way to think about it is how has listening to anxiety, listening to the worry, and really giving in to the urges that anxiety has, how has that helped you in your life? How has that gotten in the way? How has it been less helpful? Think about these things too can sometimes help you to be more courageous in the face of fear.
Technique number 10: Get help. Sometimes keeping your anxiety a secret is what's making it worse. So find someone around you and tell them, "I'm really anxious right now. I'm struggling with this. Can you help me?" If there's no one near you, then text your friend, call someone you trust. If that's not possible, imagine someone you're close to and what would they tell you right now if they knew you were struggling with anxiety?
The other thing to remember is don't let anxiety get in the way of getting help. If you're in school, tell your teacher. If you're struggling with anxiety about any other work that you have, same thing with your work and your boss. I've been a professor, and I will tell you, it is way, way, way, way, way better to talk to your teacher or your professor about something you're struggling with than avoiding it and trying to deal with that situation after the semester is done. Just talk and get help.
If you've tried all of these skills and none of them have helped, it might be time to consider professional support. That can include texting in a crisis hotline, talking to your primary care doctor, sharing your struggles with them, and considering getting a referral to a mental health specialist.
If you want to learn how to overcome anxiety in the long term, check out this playlist. I dive into all the ways in which cognitive behavioral therapy treats anxiety. I also explain how I overcame some of my biggest fears. If you want more psychology mental health videos, consider subscribing to the Psych Show. You can become part of our mighty psych community where we lift each other up and celebrate mental health together. Special thanks to Total Control for leaving this week's comment of the week.