Transcription
Confidence is not a behavior. It is a world of view. It has nothing to do with yourself. It has nothing to do with anything else of like your belief in yourself.
No one is ever going to understand you. Not your spouse, not your parents or your kids or your best friend who totally gets you. And that is the price of being a human being. And if you're waiting for somebody to finally get you, it will not happen. You're going to die waiting.
This is freedom, but only if you're willing to use it. You're not using a tool. You're using information to shape your own world view. Once you stop chasing, we stop mirroring and needing people to mirror back our specialness, then you're free to build something real. But if you don't do that, you're going to keep chasing validation. And you're going to build your life inside of a prison. And it's not a prison with a bunch of prison bars like you see in Shaw Shank Redemption. It's a prison made of mirrors where all you're spending your entire freaking life on is trying to discover yourself in other people. And not one of those people from birth to death will ever really show you who you are. They just reflect back what you're supposed to be, what they expect to see, maybe what they need to feel better about themselves. That's how they see you. They see you in a way to feel better about their own identity. We kill ourselves making the perfect documentary of our life and they all they remember is the one time that you fell off the boat or look stupid. That's what stands out because that's what helps them feel better.
So, can you show up honestly when it would be so much easier to perform? Can you lose and fail? Can you be invisible, unseleelebrated, and still keep making something that's true? That's the test. The world's never going to hand you a mirror that shows you who you are. All the world will ever show you is who you perform to be. So if you want to know who you are, you build that fire. You walk into the fire and you burn off the mask. You burn off all the fake stuff. You burn off all the need to perform and impress people. You can be a good person without seeking approval. If you get to a place where you embody I am not here to be understood. I am here to be true. That's confidence. That's what real confidence is. If you boil down like every 2,000 videos that are on YouTube of how to be confident. It's just I'm not here to be understood. I don't need to manage how people understand me. The peace that you're seeking is not going to come after the trial. It's fake. This is the only place that you're not pretending anymore. It's during this trial. And I guarantee you, you don't need another strategy or a bunch of affirmations or another app to organize your morning routine or your habits. You need to burn off all the [ __ ] that is not yours. Everything that you were taught to perform, all the stuff you were taught to protect in your entire life, everything you built for people who were never giving a [ __ ] anyway. They weren't even watching. You were not made to be admired. That's the truth. That's it. And just remember that line.
No one is ever going to understand you. We are in Sar's hell. We are stuck in that room with people demanding that they tell us that we matter and that we're important. That is hell. But the door is wide open. So if you go back to the behavior ops manual or any of the NCI trainings, we define confidence as a generalized expectation of positive outcomes. Not like here's exactly what I'm going to close this deal. And the outcome could be whatever, but it's just general. Things are going to be okay. And this goes back. What if no one understands me? Things are going to be okay. What if my kids don't get me? Things are going to be okay. So we're no longer chasing understanding. We're no longer needing people to mirror back our specialness. No matter how many books you read, this is all that it comes down to.
If you ever caught your own eye in the mirror, just for a second felt like you were looking at a stranger, then you were in the room. You were in Sarter's room. The truth about that room is the door is always open. You can walk out every second of the day. But most people will not do that because leaving that room requires you to stop reaching for mirrors in other human beings. And it's to start building your own reflection. The instantaneous one that most of the world builds is here's the reflection. I'm going to build my reflection, but I'm going to build it in a way that I hope people see it.
So there's this movie called Pig. Nicholas Cage is in the movie. So he plays this character named Rob. used to be one of these great chefs in the whole world. The Michelin stars, the fame, everybody knew his name. And then one day, voluntarily, he walked away. He walked away from everything. And now in the movie, he lives in the woods, just him in this cabin with a pig. So the only thing he seems to care about in this movie is this pig until someone steals her. Rob is someone who doesn't need to be seen by anyone. He's already walked out of the room. He is as close to invincible as you can get. But there's a scene in this movie where Rob looking for this pig of his. He confronts this super fancy Portland chef and he finally recognizes who this guy is and and he remembers hiring that the chef, that little pretentious guy and he said, "You make you used to make a pub burger." Rob tells me, you know, it was incredible. Why aren't you making that? That's the one of the best things you made it. You should make that. And the chef says, "Well, people wouldn't understand." So to him, this doesn't look like success. He says, "Every day you wake up and there's going to be less and less of you. You live your life for these people and they don't even remember you and you don't even see yourself anymore." And he walks out. He's just not trying to be admired. He's not trying to win anything. So, he doesn't chase identity in anybody. He doesn't curate a self. He doesn't need applause from anybody. He's gone. He's out of Sartrey's room. He left the room.
And this is what no one tells you about being elite. And this is what the movie shows us. Like the better you get at something, the fewer people understand what the [ __ ] you're doing. You don't need better feedback. You don't need more compliments to make you more confident. You need to start deciding. And that is how you walk out of hell. But it is the absolute fastest way to become confident is to shift that mindset and that worldview into how unspecial I am. figure out the ways that you want to be seen as special. They're going to start popping up and you can start getting more and more aware of all those cuz we tend to like go the the opposite direction. So the goal is I'm very very aware of all of those things. I don't need that from other people. But this is it doesn't matter whether it feels like you or not. You could shave it into a mohawk as long as you're not doing it exclusively for other people. Maybe that's the ultimate way to be for enlightenment. Just [ __ ] your pants and walk around.