Transcription
Alpha Male 2.0 podcast. I am Caleb Jones. You guys like these stories about back, you know, 25 years ago when I was a beta male? You guys like hearing these stories and hearing this evolution that I went through a long time ago. So, uh, I will give you another one. I have never told this story. I've told little bits and pieces of this, but I've never told it fully.
Um, this is basically the day I realized, now this is like 30 years ago, literally 30 years ago. The day 30 years ago that I realized I was a beta male and I was a big beta. And uh what the hell was I doing? The day that really struck me, probably the first day that I realized how I was behaving.
Okay, so first let me set the stage. Um, and I have mentioned this woman before in past podcasts. Long. This is 30 years ago. This is the uh mid-1990s, somewhere around 1995, I believe. Maybe a late 1995, I think. This is a long time ago. I don't get the details right. And you know, whatever. Late 1995, which means I was in my early 20s. I was 23, 24, big beta male puss from hell. Okay.
I was dating, and that's dating in quotes because we never had sex. We got sexual sometimes. We never had sex. She wouldn't let me. I was dating in quotes a woman who was, I remember this, eight years and eight months older than me. So I was 24ish and she was 32, 33ish. Now, those who know my content, age 33, that's when ASD spikes. That is relevant here. She was well into that zone. Um, so she was eight years older than me, but she was very pretty. Um, she was short. She had really big nice boobies. Uh, very pretty face. And like most beta male losers who end up going on dates with a really pretty girl, I was just completely shocked and just enamored, like, I can't believe this, this pretty woman is on a date with me. I, why would a hot girl like this spend time with me? And all the standard beta male stuff I've been hearing for 20 years. Oh my god, if I break up with her, it's going to be the end of the world because there is no other hot girl that would ever be this pretty who would want to have sex with me or spend time with me like this. I can't believe how lucky. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. And I had hardcore one-itis for this woman. Hardcore. I mean, my god.
We were going out on dates and coming to my place, my my house at the time, and um not having sex because she wouldn't let me. She's like, "Oh, no. You can't touch my boobs." Okay. Okay. And um frankly, this is a guess and this is 30 years ago, so I could be wrong on this. The only reason that she even bothered with me, 'cause she was pretty, she was she was attractive. Um, the only reason she even bothered me was two reasons. One is she had just come off a relationship with an abusive alpha male 1.0 who treated her like garbage. I'm sure you've never heard that story. The alpha male boyfriend, uh, who, you know, the woman sticks with and he treats her like crap because, yeah. Um, so she had just gotten off that relationship and I was Mr. Beta Male Nice Guy loser. So she needed that. This is why I talk about listen fitties. When women do a listen fitty, that means that you're the alpha male. So she leaves you for a beta male temporarily because she's tired of your alpha male bullshit and she's got to kiss her ass for a while, but eventually she goes back. That's exactly what she was doing, just in a monogamous fashion.
And despite the fact that I was young, I met her through work. Uh, we worked at a big corporate office for a bank that doesn't exist anymore called First Interstate Bank. And uh, we worked at the high-rise corporate offices there. She worked on a different floor, but we knew each other. And um, um, um, oh, the other reason that she bothered with me is she knew I was making decent money because by then I was. I actually had my own house, my own three-bedroom house, even though I was 23, 24 years old. So, she knew, okay, at least this guy has money. I was the pure PO Dexter Alph Beta Bucks guy. I mean, purely. So, that's why she tolerated my ass briefly. We didn't date very long. You'll see why.
So, anyway, what I would do is typical beta male with one-itis. I would just, you know, follow her around like a little puppy dog. Oh, you're so pretty. Oh my god, you're so amazing. And we'd go out to dinner and I'd buy her dinner and I'd try to figure out what, what were the, where were the nice restaurants and oh, I better impress her. And and I'd be sitting like, "Oh, you know, we should, we should get serious and we should date, have a relationship 'cause you're just, you're so amazing and so pretty and you know, I'm going to make a lot of money someday." And just that part was true. And you know, you know, and and you know, I think we should get more serious. And she's like, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah." And I'd be like, "Oh, you're so amazing." She's like, "Mhm, yeah, yeah, that's great. Thanks." And that's how she treated me.
Now, she was, I'm not trying to make her sound like a bitch. She was very nice to me. She was a very sweet person, but she was just kind of, okay. Yeah, whatever. All right, beta male, you know, you're good for a while to give me some free dinners and give me some attention and you know, and we did do stuff. Um, we didn't have sex, but we made out and other little things like that, but we never had sex because she didn't want to do that because her ASD was spiking because she was hitting age 33 and she wasn't very attracted to me because I was following around like a goddamn puppy dog.
So, one day while I was dating this woman, I went and saw a movie called Liar Liar with Jim Carrey, a comedian, comedy movie. And um, this is in the '90s before the collapse of the Western world really began. This is back when movies were good. So, the movie Liar Liar is a pretty funny movie. It's a pretty good movie, pretty good comedy. Um, it's funny. And uh, there was a scene in this movie and I went to the movie with, I don't remember who I went with, not with her. I went with friends or family, another group. I remember I was with a group of people who we went and saw this movie. I don't remember who it was, co-workers. I don't remember too long. It was 30. This is 30 years ago. I don't remember. But I remember sitting there in that movie theater and there's a scene in that movie where, um, let's see. The premise of the movie is that Jim Carrey is an asshole lawyer and this magic thing happens and he can't lie. And so he says all this truthful stuff and he gets in big trouble and hilarity ensues. And he's divorced from his ex-wife and they have a kid together and the ex-wife is dating another guy who is played by Cary Elwes, if you remember him back from the '90s. And Cary Elwes is the beta male character of the story. So Cary Elwes loves, is dating the ex-wife. They're dating and he just loves her and tells her he loves her and how she's beautiful and wonderful and he's a big beta puss and she's like, "Uhhuh. Yeah, great."
So, there's a scene in that movie toward the end of the movie and I might get the scene a little inaccurate, but it's close enough. And I'm watching the scene and what happens is the ex-wife has her beta male boyfriend played by Cary Elwes. They're sitting on a park bench, I think, and she's drinking a soft drink. Drink a Pepsi or something to just suck it out of a straw. And he's like looking at her like this, like, "Oh, you're so amazing." And he says, "I love you." And she goes, she looks at him, she goes, "Thanks." And just drinks her Pepsi. And it's a funny scene and people laughed. And I'm watching that scene in the movie theater. And it suddenly my heart just, I remember the feeling. My heart just sinks into my stomach. I got this, this horrible feeling comes over my body and I feel it in my body and I go, "That's me. I'm the pussy." We didn't have the terminology beta male and alpha male back then. I'm that guy. I'm the loser boyfriend guy who is kissing this woman's ass and the woman is blowing me off and I, I'm putting up with it because I'm such a big loser. And I, and I'm sitting there going, the pussy. And there was recurring scenes like that. He was just this little puppy dog loser and she's like, yeah. And and I, I realized I'm the character in this movie that I'm watching that people are laughing and making fun of that the movie itself is making fun of this character correctly. So matter of fact that doesn't often happen very much anymore in modern day stuff. All men look like look like beta males now. So I said, "This movie is making fun of this character and these people in this audience make fun of this character and that's me. I'm being treated that exact same way and I'm reacting the exact same way." Oh, okay honey. Okay. And I felt awful even though it was a funny movie and it was a good movie.
And I remember walking out of the movie theater with the group of people I was with. I remember who I was with, but I remember the feeling. It's interesting. You can remember feelings but not details of events. It's interesting how memory works. And I'm walking out. I remember sitting in a car with a bunch of other people driving somewhere and just looking out the window just thinking, this is going through my head. I'm the loser. I'm the dorky beta male. I didn't use that term. The dorky beta male wimpy puppy dog boy who's following around a pretty girl. And what's really interesting is the actress in the movie had short, kind of shorter brown hair. The woman I was dating had shorter brown hair. Now, she was much. The woman I was dating was prettier than the actress, but he even had that aspect, right? And I just felt like, shit. And I went, "My god, this is me. I feel like a fucking pussy." 'Cause I was.
Now, here's what's interesting. Do you think I changed any of my behaviors? Do you think that was like an awakening moment for me? Like, I got to stop being a loser and man up and alpha up and turn my life around and become a happy real man? No, I didn't change a damn thing. I went right back the next day or two days later on another date in an expensive restaurant where I paid for everything and didn't get laid and was, you know, complimenting her and didn't, and she's like, "Uh-huh. Oh, thanks." I went right back to that bullshit and I kept dating her for several more weeks until, and this I have mentioned on past podcasts a long time ago, until she broke up with me. She wrote me a letter. We did that back in the '90s. This is pre-internet. She wrote me a letter and basically saying, "Hey, you're a really nice guy." Uh oh. Even then I knew back then that's bad. Kiss of death. Oh, you're a really sweet guy. Oh boy. You don't fuck women don't fuck sweet nice guys. Um, but I decided she basically, she said her loser ex who she complained about non-stop who treated her like garbage, she went back to him, of course. And I'm like, I didn't cry, but I'm like, "Oh my god." Um, yeah.
But that was the first time. Now, obviously, the story has a happy ending. So, let me give you some prophetic moments from this relationship. Um, we were having dinner. I was having dinner with this woman one point and I swear to God, this is exactly what she said and this is what we said. This is going to sound really crazy, but this is the truth. We're having dinner and I'm saying we should like, you know, date. We should like be serious. I don't remember exactly how I was saying it, but I'm like, we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. We should take it to the next level. Blah blah blah blah blah. And because I loved her in quotes. Now I didn't love her. Um, I thought I loved her because I was young and horny and stupid and a beta male. I had one-itis. I didn't love her, but I thought I loved her. I'm like, "Oh, you know, we should be together and, you know, we should, you know, be serious and and and you know, and I'm trying to convince her, you know." And she says something very interesting that at the time didn't really mean much to me, but today was, you'll see my point. This is exactly what she says. These aren't the exact words she used, but this is what she said. I remember her saying this to me. I remember we were at a restaurant on, on one of the restaurants on the uh Columbia River um in the Portland, Oregon area. I remember we were because behind her was water and it was nighttime. I remember that scene. I don't remember where we were, but anyway, she goes, "All right, let me, let me explain this to you, little boy." Didn't say little boy, but this is kind of the, you know, this is how I remember it, but this is what she said. Not these exact words, but this is what she said. She goes, "Okay, let, let's, let's do a hypothetical. Okay. Um, and she was very pretty. I'm sitting there like, "You're so pretty." Um, she's average compared to the women I'm with now, but back then she was so pretty. So, she said, "All right, let's say you and I date, and you and I are in a serious relationship." Okay, let's say you and I get married, because after all, that's the point of dating and having a relationship. Now, she's age 33, so of course she's in provider hunting mode. The model when you're over 33 is you date to get serious, right? If you're under 33, you can date for any reason. But if you're a woman over 33, you're dating to get serious or else I'm a bitch. I don't do that. Okay. So, this is where she's coming from. I didn't know all this stuff back then. But she goes, "Okay, so then we get married." Okay. Let's say we get married. Okay. Okay. So, it's many years later now and you know, you're in your early 20s now. It's it's 25 years later. Okay. Okay. This is literally what she says. She goes, "All right, it's 25 years later. You're now, or 20 years later, whatever. You're now in your mid-40s. Okay. You're in your mid-40s. And because you're a man in your mid-40s, you're looking damn good." And that's, I remember her saying, "Damn good." Because she was men in their 40s, long as they don't get fat or gross, they look pretty good. By the way, I've said this many times, young guys don't look great. Older guys tend to look better. Not really old, but you know, late 30s, 40s. So, she says this, "You'll be in your, you know, mid-40s. You'll be a businessman, right? You'll be looking damn good. And you'll be out there working with all these younger women, all these young women, right? All these hot young girls. And you'll be hanging around with these hot young girls and talking to these hot young girls at the office and blah blah. And then I will be your wife and I'll be home and I will be a woman in her mid-50s because she was 9 years older than me. Okay, now context. This was in 1995ish. This is 30 years ago. And 30 years ago, she was right. Back then, women in their mid-50s did not look that great. Today, there are a lot of women in their 50s who look pretty good. 30 years ago, that was not the case. Women in their mid-50s, back in the '90s, looked old. Okay? So, she had a point. She goes, she says, "Look, I'll be in my, I'll be a woman in my mid-50s. I will look like an old lady and you're going to be out there. Check it out." I remember her saying this, "Check out all these girls with their tight little beehinds. Their tight little beehinds and you'll have this old bag at home and well, how's that gonna work?" That's what she said.
She also said as part of that same conversation, and I have mentioned this before, I think, she said, and again, these are not the exact words she said, but this is what she said. She goes, "You know, Caleb, I was 23 at the time, 23, 24. She was, you know, Caleb, let's be honest. You have a baby face." And she said it like it was not a good thing. And and when you have a baby face, I can relate to this. I can tell you for a fact because I live this. When you have a baby face in your early 20s, you don't look good. You, I'm just sorry. You don't. So, I had a baby face in my early 20s. She goes, "You have a baby face." She goes, "Okay." So, you know, and she's like, "Okay." You know, she goes, "But when you're in your 40s," she literally said this, "When you're in your 40s, you're going to look good. You're going to age really well because men with little baby faces, when they get older, they look good." That's what she was circling back to. By the time I'd be 45, I would look good. Okay? And she goes, "That's not going to be true with me. I'm going to be in my mid-50s and look like an old lady." She literally said all this. I know that sounds funny now and it kind of makes me smile relating to this to you now. So that at least is, uh, long-term, that was the positive end of the story.
Um, um, years later, uh, we found each other. This is a long time ago. So this is maybe 10, 15 years ago. 15 years ago we found each other on Facebook. She was, she was married and she lived, um, in the, uh, similar neighborhood as I did and she had a dog grooming service and it, she was very nice. But anyway, um, but there you go. And the unfortunate part of this is I did not change my behaviors. It would have been another, let's see, 10 years before I decided to alpha up. I had to go through the experience of getting dumped by her, being sad for six months, uh, playing around with a married woman for a while, then starting to date the woman who would become my first wife, getting married, traditional monogamous marriage, which was stupid because I was another, but again, it was still beta male bullshit back then, going through a 9-year marriage, getting divorced, and then finally at age 35ish, then finally saying, "Oh my god, I can't live like this anymore. I need to alpha up instead of being a beta male puss because this isn't, this wasn't helping me at all. I was, I've mentioned this. I was a beta male loser for the first 15 years of my adult life. And I dated women and was in relationships with women based on what women said they wanted and it got me nowhere. And as soon as I made the switch alpha 2.0 in 2007 at age 35, it has been an amazing life since then. But the tragedy of this is even though it did end up well, I'm not complaining now. Great life now. But I had to suffer for another 10 years. The realization of me being a big beta male puss was not enough for me to change even with the pain that I felt. And I relate to this now when I talk to young guys now. These guys I talk to and I'm, I was shocked the first time I heard this from a man who self-identifies as incels. Well, I'm an incel. You, you're saying that about yourself? What the what? Why would you self-identify as this? Why would you immediately fix it? By the way, there's no such thing as an incel. You're voluntarily celibate. You could get laid. You just don't want to 'cause you're a puss or you're low testosterone or you're depressed or you're scared. It's not that you're involuntary. It's all voluntary. It's stupid. So, what the question you have to ask yourself is, if you are a beta male still, and most of you are, what will it take to get you to draw that line and say, "Okay, no more?" Because unfortunately, I had to wait till I was 35 and that was way too long. I went through a lot of pain and suffering the first 15 years of my life being a beta male when I already knew by 1995 I was a beta male. It's not like I didn't know until I got divorced. I was aware of it because this is when I became aware of these concepts. When I saw that movie and I saw that scene, I went, "Holy shit, that's me. That pathetic piece of shit is me. I got to stop being a pathetic piece of shit." But I didn't stop. What will it take for you to make that decision? Hopefully, you won't wait as long as I had to.