Transcription
Warning: This episode contains copious amounts of Duke Develin. Women with heart conditions are advised not to look directly at Duke Develin. This also applies to women without heart conditions. He's very pretty. See? See how pretty he is? He's very pretty. I'd like to run my fingers through his hair. And I'm just a voice, anyway. Without further ado, enjoy your crappy anime cartoon. To the again, I'm going to school now, Gramps. If this porch isn't clean by the time I get back, I'll tell my parents you've been abusing me.
Hey Yugi! [ __ ] I mean, TAA! What's wrong with your grandpa? Is he dying? Tell me he's dying! You know, Tea, we could kill him right now and nobody would have to know about it. Really?
Hello, I'm down here now and I'm very angry for reasons I'm about to explain. TDA, that new game shop is stealing all my customers! You have customers? Wow, a super special awesome new game shop! I believe that there is a slight possibility that I may be interested in checking it out. Do it, and you die if you don't eat your meat. You can't have any pudding. How come we never do any school work, anyway? It makes you wonder why we even bother coming here.
Hey, did you guys hear about that new student? They say he's the sexiest thing since sex. N' sex isn't that sexy. Joey, what sex? Well, Tristan, when a man and a woman love each other very much. Joey, no! We mustn't let Tristan breed! Thanks, TAA, that was a close one, huh? Hey, where's that music coming [Music] from? Keep your eyes on me, ladies. Cheap parlor tricks are extremely erotic. Oh yeah! Oh, he's so smacky! His cup is so big, it's magic! He must be a witch! I couldn't help but notice you guys drooling over me as if I'm some kind of sex object. H h h. I'm Duke Develin. I own the new game shop. You can own my body too, if you want. Burn the witch! You must be Yugi. My fan girls have told me all about you. They say you're almost as pretty as me.
Hey, dice boy, what do they say about me? Point, point. They say you're a loser with a fetish for dressing up like animals. I am not a loser, and I'll prove it by challenging you to a children's card game. I accept. But if I win, then you have to be my slave. Lucky bastard! And if I win, then you have to close your game shop. Joey, don't you think that's a little extreme? You can't put somebody out of business just because you're jealous. I'm not jealous! What does he have that I don't have? Aside from the fan girls and the pretty hair and those gorgeous green eyes. Don't forget my sweet ass. Yeah, and a sweet ass. But other than that, he's got nothing. Pow chicka pow pow! Burn the witch!
Here we are at the game shop. Once I win this card game, Duke Develin will be out of a job and he'll be forced to live on the street. What a heroic thing to do! Clearly, he is a role model for children everywhere. Welcome to the Duke Develin Love Nasium. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of inviting my fan girls to watch our duel. Oh, Dookie, you're so fine! You're so fine, you blow my mind! Hey, Dookie! Hey, Doie! It's true what they say, fan girls ruin everything. Burn the witch! Hey, isn't anybody going to notice that I'm not wearing my school uniform?
I summon the extremely phallic spaceship. But since it belongs to me, it grows to twice its usual size. Duke Develin always rises to the occasion, baby. Gradius, totally attack his life points! Joery Wheeler lost the bet. Duke makes our panties wet. Since you lost, you have to do whatever I want. Put it on. This is slightly more humiliating than playing a children's card game. Duke Develin, you've gone too far! How dare you force Joey to uphold his end of the bargain? I challenge you to a game, and if I win, then Joey is no longer your slave. Fine by me. But if you lose, then you must swear on the life of your grandfather that you'll never play card games ever again. Big deal. He'll be dead by the end of the month.
We'll play Dungeon Dice Monsters, a game of my own creation. Each takes it in turns to draw a dice, so it's just like Duel Monsters. Then we use our dice to summon holographic monsters to the field, so it's just like Duel Monsters. Both opponents are given three hard points, and when they run out, the game is so, so it's just like Duel Monsters. Hey, stop it! My game is nothing like Duel Monsters. Prove it, then. My game uses dice. Burn the witch!
As per usual, I have no idea where I am. I wonder what's going on over there. H whoo Nelly! Yes, yes, work it, baby! Grandpa likes it like that! Shake it like a Polaroid picture! Come on, Yugi, you can do it! Shut up! I will have you spade! That's right, I've waited a long time for this moment. Yugi, I'm going to prove to the world that you're a cheater by beating you in a game of my own creation. You want to run that by me one more time? There's like no way you could have beaten Pegasus without cheating. He was my idol. I've tried my whole life to be just as masculine as he is. That would explain a lot. I visited him before the Duelist Kingdom tournament to demonstrate my game. He was totally awesome. It was like he'd played Dungeon Dice Monsters his whole life. That's probably because he had. Your game is exactly like Duel Monsters. Congratulations, Dookie boy. This is just what I've been looking for. Dungeon Dice Monsters will make my card game look exciting by comparison. I'll begin funding you immediately. Dungeon Dice Monsters was set to take the world by storm, but then you defeated Pegasus in a children's card game, and he dropped off the face of the Earth. You must have cheated. It's the only explanation. Or maybe Pegasus just realized your game sucks ass. Go Dark Magician, destroy his life! I mean, hard points! Back and he's trick mag is 10 times asck as the last last time saw him. Now can see adore Yugi won. His Grandpa would be so proud. Hey, go back to the dancing girls, man. Duke, I can't believe you actually thought that crappy dice game would sell. Yeah, it was just a carbon copy of Duel Monsters. You'd have to be as blind as my sister to not notice the similarities. This is going straight up my nose. I'm not even sure how I got here. Duke, did I ever mention that my nipples can supply power to a third world country? I ow you guys an apology. I treated you all like crap. Do you think we can still be friends? In season 2. Only if you stop using that annoying theme music. What theme music? I you want you don't understand. You take me by the heart, take me by the hand. I you [Music] understand. He must be a witch! He turned me into a n! I got better!