Transcription
Hey, I've had a question burning me and I have to ask you. I feel like it won't let me rest until I do. I need to know. Is it still something that you feel the love, I mean, between us? Would you give me you again? Would you ever give me another chance?
What if I told you that I was a different version of myself now? What if I told you that I've been working every single day since I let you get away? And that that was the biggest mistake I've made, if not ever, in a very long time. I mean, I make mistakes all the time, but losing you, it was, it was devastating. It was catastrophic to me.
I mean, I don't even know how you do what you do, how you're able to make me feel about you the way that you make me feel. I don't, I don't understand. It's like you see a version of me that I now see the possibility of. I see something different in me. And this was sparked because I did some stupid things that cost me your trust. It cost me us, and I've been working every day with that on my mind.
What we had, what I still feel that we could have, it's just, it hits different. I feel like there's something truly special about you. And I'm not going to lie, at first, it, I didn't understand you at all. And I didn't understand how you could be so you, you know, I mean, I didn't understand the immensity and the capacity of true love. And so, as a fear response, my trauma teaches me to defend myself because the love that you gave me was so foreign. But I see now that it was meant to transform me because that's exactly what happened.
I went from somebody that was a complete coward running from every opportunity and then just basking in things that I really shouldn't have been. And now I'm somebody that sees the world with a fresh set of eyes, with hope, with anticipation, to maybe get a taste of your love again. It makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine. And although I couldn't handle it before, I'm so ready now. I'm so ready.
Before, I was dipping my toe in the water and I was unsure. Not because of you. I mean, you're as close to perfect as perfect can be. The way I see it, the way I feel it. But it was because of me and all my prior failures and all the pain in my past. I couldn't let it go. And it, it cost me dearly. And I see now that the reason I'm in this position yearning for you is because I didn't do it right. I let myself get in the way.
But now that I know and now that I see, you best believe I'm getting rid of me, too. At least the version of me that cost me what I've come to truly value and hold dear to me. You left a mark on my soul that's so deep. I don't think, I don't think I'll ever be able to fill it. I wish I could show you who I've become. I wish I could get another chance to do over and do right.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what's wrong with me. And I found a long list of things, as I'm sure you know. But I'm making a decision. I don't want to be unstable anymore. I want to be sure. I want to be confident. I want to be hopeful. I want to be your man. I don't want it to be like before. I don't want it to be where you're the one just putting in all the work and the effort. I've learned that. It should be on me, and it is, and it will be.
There are a lot of things that I did between us that I wish I didn't. There's a lot of things I wish I could change, but I can't change those things. I can't change the past. What I can change is me and what my perspective is and what my attitude is and me. Just, I can change me and put away the old me and just start working on somebody new. Somebody that'll go to war and go to battle for the love that he so desperately needs and wants and didn't know that it was right in front of him.
And the thought of that, it just, it hurts so much that I can't even really begin to put it into words. I've never felt a pain like this before. And on the same side of that coin, I've never felt as blissful, as joyful as the moments that I had with you. And to me, that's special. And to me, that says that there's something here that I need to work on. And it's me. And that if I do that, then we will be fine.
I've learned that I can't keep holding on to the feelings for fear of looking sprung, head over heels, lost control of myself in you. But the alternative of not being with you, not feeling your love. Oh man. It's just, it makes me realize how much you brought to my life in so many ways. And it's a shame that I only now realize what was right in front of me. I only now realize when I had it all.
And the thought of that, it makes me want to do something crazy. But I'm still holding that hope that there's an us in the future. And I'm going to cut out any and everything that's standing in the way of that. I'm walking away from any and everything that doesn't have like a guaranteed to put me in position to be with you, cuz that's, that's all I want. That's all I can think about.
I feel like there's so much more love left to explore. I feel like, I feel like our time was cut short because of me, because of my fear, and that by now we could have been in our happily ever after mode. But I slipped. But I promise you, I promise you, if you give me another chance, I'll do it right. I love you right, the way you deserve. I promise. I feel it in my bones that we're supposed to be together. Don't you?
My life hasn't been the same. My world's been a lot darker ever since I lost you. And I want that light back. I want that life back. And I just want to be happy with you. How about?