Transcription
[Music]
Now, listen. You think you got problems with the New York streets, right? You know, and all those, all those plunks and bangs and stuff? Listen to this one. Alfred Silcox and his wife were driving home, this is in Wales, of all places, when their automobile stopped with a bump and immediately sank into a gigantic pothole. Their car was swallowed up by a pothole. It was over 17 feet deep. What a pothole! Oh man, I'm sorry. You know, I mean, it's so... If you think it's just falling apart here in New York, or if you just think it's an American thing, imagine in Wales, a pothole so big that the car was swallowed up and they had to call the fire department to pull the people out. If that happened in Brooklyn, they would demand the mayor's immediate, uh, impeachment.
Now, here, excuse me, one minute here. Before we go into tonight's, uh, tirade, would you please, uh, set that one up on the other side? Did you have it? The one I sang with? I have a little special thing I want to do here. You know, speaking of special things, um, no, I'm going to keep that. I got, I got to do that. I'm going to save that one for a later zinger here. Uh, you know, a later thing. Uh, I have a, hey, you know, a friend of mine had, had a terrible thing happened to him the other day. Speaking of zingers, I'll tell you, the machines are going to get all of us for a long time. I used to laugh at this idea, you know, that, uh, that, uh, that the, uh, computers were going to be the death of us all. You, you know, there's been plays like that all the time. In fact, the first anti-computer play that was ever written was what very famous play? Do any of you know it? No. It was not *Virginia Woolf*. What was the first anti-computer play? Although that lady was something like, what was it? Uh, pick it up there. I'll see whether you're right. Pick up the phone. Which one? Can you get which one? Which number? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. What, uh, that's close, but not quite. That was very good. Not quite. *Metropolis*. You're very close. Uh, also, there was another, of course, the famous, uh, the, what was the famous anti-machine, uh, movie that Charlie Chaplin made? Correct. *Modern Times*. But, uh, there were things long before that. What were they? A very famous play written by a very famous American playwright, as a matter of fact. What was that? It was written before the days of Chaplin's *Modern Times*. What was it? In fact, uh, a couple years ago, I was approached with the, uh, idea. Some, one of the producers was doing it and he wanted me to play a character in it. I'll give you a clue. Yeah. That's right. I'll give you, it won't play. How come you played it before the other side? Okay, we only play a good side then.
But, uh, speaking of machines undoing us all, there's an example. But, uh, I'll give you a clue, Jerry. Here's a clue. The play that I'm talking about, all the characters had as their names, instead of being Mr. Smith or Hamlet, the names were numbers. Their names were numbers. That was their names. And, in fact, it was given even in the program, various numbers played by different people, you know, the actors, but, uh, the characters were. And I'll even give you a further clue as to the, the, the play. The hero of the play, or the victim of the play, whichever you want to call it, was, uh, his number was zero. And he was referred to always as Mr. Zero, or Zero. And his wife was called Mrs. Zero. And all the other characters had 9, 8, 7, 3. And so, do you have any, do you have any, uh, any, does that give you any help? And it's, it's a fascinating, surreal play. I mean, the settings were wild. I'll give you another clue. There was a scene when, when Mr. Zero is finally in hell, and he has died, and he is in this room. It looks like you're, you're visiting him now in hell. And in this room, and he's surrounded by endless strips, endless strips, just completely inundating him. And, uh, he's working away at these, these figures, which this machine is giving him. It's a machine giving out numbers. And he's working away with these numbers, whatever it is, endlessly throughout his entire stay in hell, which is eternity. And he's got these enormous strips of paper that are coming out of this machine with numbers. And the entire room is filled with, with this paper. And there he is in the middle of it, working away. And, uh, you know, that throughout all eternity, he is going to be surrounded by this fantastic, uh, machine which is going to belch continually numbers, meaningless numbers, just endless numbers, which he has to calculate, or some damn thing. What was the name of the play? Well, there were two plays, you know. That's no, no importance.
But, uh, this friend of mine got tripped up by the machine the other day. You know how, how in New York State, if you do not, if you do not, uh, pay your fines, you know, as a, as a driver, tickets and stuff, you don't pay your fine. What happens? Now, well, there is a big machine in the sky, friends. When the time comes for you to renew your, your license plate, you know, you get this little thing in the mail that you got to send to Albany and all that. He thought that he was waiting for his renewal. And he rushes down to the, to the, uh, mailbox one day. And he gets this long brown envelope. And instead of in it was the, was the thing for renewal, it was a blue card. And it said, "Sir," it says, "Dear Scofflaw," is what it actually said. "Dear, uh, the machine has, has now completed its investigation. And the moving finger, once having writ, shall not return. And that we have discovered that there are numerous violations against you. And you either pay up, friend, or you just won't be driving your car. If you do, you'll be driving it on 1972 plates. And in, in addition to that, if we, if we catch you doing that, it's going to be another big violation. And then we may just put you in a slammer for a while." Any questions? Well, he was stunned. S-T-U-N-N-E-D. Well, that, that, uh, you know, that's, that's quite a scene. See, so he was, he was really thrown, you know, the guy, really, "Oh my God, you know, they really got me." Well, did you hear what happened? Oh, come on, for heaven's sake.
Well, then play it at, uh, at, uh, at, uh, at 33, or play it at 45, or something, but play it. I don't care what you're going to do. That's a, that, that equipment is dying by dribs and drabs in there. But, uh, did you hear what happened in Philadelphia the other day? Talking about scofflaws, the catching guys. Listen to this one. Talk about a fantastic bad, uh, coincidence. There, a real terrible thing. A scofflaw ran into Philadelphia's. Well, anyway, here, listen. President John Patrick Walsh. Now, President John Patrick Walsh is the head of the traffic court. He's the judge. He's the head of the traffic in New York, in Philadelphia. He's the top man in traffic court, right? President, Judge John Patrick Walsh said he was waiting to run his car through the car wash at Broad Street and Godfrey Avenue. You're sitting there, lying, you know, you've gone to these car washes, okay? You've gone to these car washes. And the judge is sitting there in his car, waiting. And see, and you know, there's a long line of cars. When he noticed the driver in front of him leave his car and toss a whole batch of, looked like waste material, into a trash can right there next to the car wash. You know, when a guy gets his car wash, he generally brushes it out, you know, and throws away the old paper cups on the floor. You do this, you know. And so the guy threw away what looked like a lot of wastepaper. And, quote, "My God, that looks like a batch of traffic tickets," Walsh said to himself. Sure enough, when the material was recovered from the receptacle, there were 37 tickets, including 34 for parking in the city, two for failing to have the car inspected, and one issued by the town of Jenkintown. And, quote, "The judge, well, one was even issued Monday night for having the vehicle inspected," the judge said. And by the time they recovered this, this guy had driven away. All he had was 37 tickets piled up in the wastebasket. So Walsh goes back to the office and has, has him checked with Harrisburg, which is the state capital. That's like our Albany, you know. He checks with Harrisburg, and they came up with a name. Judge Walsh said that the guy was driving a VW when he saw him in the traffic line. And he said, "Sure enough, sure enough, the Volkswagen was registered in Harrisburg." And, uh, it was, you know, the guy's name. However, the resident said that he was not at the car wash Wednesday, does not own a Volkswagen, and has his car in storage. He said he didn't remember his registration number. And this is the greatest groovus judge. Listen to this judge. I'd like to meet this judge. Listen what he says. "Who the hell does he think he's kidding?" Quote, "We got the teletype back from Harrisburg, and it's this guy. And it's this guy's name. I saw him throw the stuff into the garbage can." Now, that's called a hotspot in New York, you know. Caught red-handed by the judge throwing your traffic tickets. When say, "Who, me? Who, me? No, not me. I wasn't even there." Well, that's, you know, that's, that's an, that's an American trick these days, you know. Don't admit anything. Which, uh, even if you're caught there, you know, a gun in your hand, the smoke coming out of it, four guys dead, you say, "What? I never had a gun in my hand before." I said, "What's that? Oh, was this a gun? I didn't even know this was a gun. This is not a gun. This is a cigarette lighter." Deny everything. I mean, and, and believe me, it'll go to the Supreme Court.
Once again, we tap that great big barrel of money in the corner there. Hit the button. I don't know what your dream is, but if it's about a new life, I'd like to share a dream with you. It's a little 60x 40 foot grocery store. Man by the name of Thompson had that dream close to 50 years ago. You know what the dream did? It turned into almost 5,000 stores. 7-Eleven convenience stores strung across the country like lights on a Christmas tree. 7-Eleven stores are a way of life for most people. And we have franchises open in this area. They'll be run by people like you and your wife and families. People like you who have a dream about a new life. No, you don't need experience. Yes, we'll train you. What you do need is a dream. And a telephone call. Us. We'll send you a bundle of things that will explain it all. And then, when you're ready, we'll talk. In New York, call area 516-781-2711. 516-781-2711. In New Jersey, call 201-843-3060. 201-843-3060. Oh, yeah. Here's one of our little General Tire goodies. Hey, if you need tires, I would suggest that you see the men at your local General Tire headquarters. Because these guys are trained to handle all of your tire and automotive service needs quickly, and more than that, economically. By the way, they make all, they make the tires you need. All kinds of interesting sizes, and the prices that you can afford. Now, you can choose rayon, nylon, polyester cord, glass-belted new car tires, glass steel-belted radial tires. Got them all. And, uh, you can see all these great, uh, sets of rubber down at your big red General Tire. G- the General Tire headquarters. And in the Bronx, I would suggest you see Murray Lester or Sam Aella at Bronx General Tire, 579 Grand Concourse. Generals, uh, you know.
Hey, speaking of, uh, of curious American attitudes, you know that America is suddenly discovering its pop past? I mean, it's pop past. I have a theory, uh, and, and, you know, Shepard's always good for a lot of boring theories, but, uh, I have this, this theory after watching television late at night. There's must be 7,000 commercials an hour on TV at night for, uh, golden oldie hits. You know, the best of Blue Barron. For all of you Blue Barron fans out there, these great songs which will live forever, now made available for the first time. You've seen those things, millions of them. Who the hell buys this stuff? I mean, who are? There must be millions. It's all over the country. If you think it's New York, I travel a lot, and every place you go, every time you turn on the TV, there's Chubby Checker selling his old clinkers. And this, this is fascinating. So there must be somebody buying his stuff. Well, I have a theory that it's going to continue to go backwards in time. If you notice, it's going backwards, backwards. Now, it, it started out the, you know, and now the old and Goldie Beetle hits. Remember that was the beginning of it? Well, that was only a couple years ago. The Beatles. See, now it's creeping back inch by inch. They're, they're going back. It's like reliving all of the, the whole history of the, of the, uh, of the totally perishable pop world of whatever time it was. And so the other day, here I am. See, I'm going to get on the ground floor to see. So the other day, I'm down on Fourth Street, uh, actually 4th Avenue, excuse me, down at 4th Avenue. You know, the used book section down there, 4th Avenue. There's a lot of great old, uh, stores down there where you can buy old used books. Have you seen that? You've ever been down there? Warehouses all full of this stuff. See, I love to go down there. And, uh, I'm messing around in this warehouse, see, and looking at all this junk, used books. And I see a bushel basket there, see, full of what looks like a whole lot of old, rotten-looking trash. Uh, that rem... This is New York. Hey, guess who was in here yesterday? Lou Travisher. Yeah, old Louie comes in and he orders up a Valentine, like always. And like always, he's got troubles. Seems his wife's mad 'cause Lou forgot their anniversary, and she's hitting his hunting boots, won't give them back. And Louie's all set for a big hunting trip. So I say, "Louie, here's what you got to do. Your wife's mad, you got to take her a nice present, like a case of Valentine beer." And he says, "Conor, that's the worst idea I ever heard in my life." And they say, "No, no, no, no, wait. Look, Valentine stands for purity, body, and flavor, right? The three rings. And there's two more rings than you gave her when you got married." So Lou takes her a case of Valentine beer. Well, I guess it didn't work out just right, 'cause Louie's wife got madder than ever and threw Louie's hunting boots out of the kitchen window with Louie in them. Some world, huh? Here, let me get you another Valentine.
I'm a house. No, it's a mysterious, inscrutable House of Chan. Time here. And, uh, for those of you who, uh, dig good Oriental food, and I mean really good Oriental food, I'd like to suggest that you visit the House of Chan. For those of you who don't know where it is, it's at 7th Avenue and 52nd Street. Although it would be hard for me to imagine anybody who doesn't know where the House of Chan is. That's like not knowing where, uh, Rockefeller Center is. Uh, they've been around for 35 years. The food is great. And there is a Mr. Chan, by the way. And his name unfortunately is not Charlie, but would be kind of great if it was. But, uh, uh, House of Chan is open 7 days a week, which is kind of nice to know. They have a bar, which helps many of you, uh, get through the day. They have superb food, and the prices are right. And they've been around, as I said, for 35 years, so they must be doing it pretty well. House of Chan, 7th Avenue at 52nd Street. 7 days a week. Try it before the theater.
And now we have, it says, "Reading the French accent." Do I have one full minute here? One. If you like to enjoy French wines with your meals, but think it's too complicated and too expensive, you should think again. Says, "Pronounced, think again." All you have to remember about French wine is one name: Alexis Lechen. The Alexis Lechen Company selects the right wines, the reds, the whites, the rosés, as they are poured, then, into gracious, curvaceous, distinctive bottles to grace your elegant table. In Queens and Flushing, so I would like to suggest that you pick a bottle of magnificent Alexis Lechen wine. It's imported by Bass Charrington Vintners of New York. And now, their little ding-dong.
[Music]
Alex, I'm looking at this, this trash, see. And I see in the trash, it's a, what it really is, is a bunch of old shoes. But it's laced. Not only are there old shoes in this pile of junk, but it's laced with, uh, a lot of other stuff that's in there. And I see among them is a lot of old records. I mean, really old records. I mean, fat, old, rotten 78s, you know, the kind of, you know, old 78s. And there they are. There's a whole stack of them. Dust all over them, see. And they were, uh, they were still in their jackets, these little flimsy jackets with that dog hollering into the horn. It says, "His Master's Voice." You've seen that stuff, you know. Columbia, standing with a big flag. Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean. And, uh, I started to look at these things. And so I said, "Aha, aha." You know, "I'll pick up some of these things." And I bought it for 4 cents. Well, I can assure you that, uh, that since we are now going back into ancient crud, you know, people are buying all kinds of rotten stuff and calling it camp, or whatever they call it. They don't call it camp anymore, but they call it, whatever they call it, the, um, memorabilia. Or, uh, it's not even memorabilia, because the people that buy this stuff don't remember any of that stuff. Anybody who buys Tiffany lamps and calls it memorabilia, Tiffany worked in the 1800s. How can it be memorabilia? You know, it's not memorabilia. Memorabilia is something you actually remember. So if you know, if you're going on and you buy yourself a, you know, a 1910, uh, Edison wind-up phonograph, that's not memorabilia. I mean, it's a borderline antique, but it ain't memorability. So anyway, I'm looking, you know, at this. I says, "Hey, they haven't done this yet." There will be a day, and I'm predicting it, when people will collect not great classic 78s, you know, people always have done this, you know, classic jazz 78s, great classic, uh, performances by Bessie Smith or by Bix Beiderbecke. You know, people will even collect the, the 78s. By the way, the one that will be worth the least of all on the collector's market ultimately are records of, uh, Caruso. Caruso must have made 12 trillion records, and everybody who got them apparently saved them. And so everybody's got a collection of every old character has got a collection of old Caruso records. But there will be a day when people will be scurrying around trying to buy old records of bad records. I mean, talking about the real old bad stuff, not the classic stuff. Have you noticed that today people are buying, uh, frantically, uh, uh, comic books, we'll say, of the '50s? They're very expensive now, you know, comic books of the '50s. So for about, you know, a quarter or something like that at the time. They're not out buying the, the, uh, the real literature of the '50s. You don't see anybody, you know, lining up to buy copies of great classic copies of, uh, *The Atlantic Monthly* of 1952. They're buying, uh, comic books, which are really the, the, the lowest class of literature. So there will be a day when people will be looking for bad records. I think bad 78s. And so I pulled this one out. I bought a couple. Come on, don't worry about it. Don't try to queue it up. Can I give you a tip? Don't try to queue it up. That's why you're getting all balled up in there. Just start the motor. Okay, got the motor started. Is it going all right? Start the motor before you put it on. Start the motor. As an old retired engineer, I'll give you some tips. Start the motor. You got it going there, fine. Now, bring it in. Now, this is the 78 that I picked up in this, uh, this bushel basket. And it must have been a rotten record at the time it was made. I mean, obviously, this was not going to set the world on fire. Bring it up. Now, just bring it.
[Music]
I mean, isn't that great? Listen to that. Now, that's as much, I say, as much a period piece as anybody's Tiffany lamp or, uh, anybody's, uh, you know, anybody's, uh, treadle-operated sewing machine that he paid $700 for as a collector's item. Listen to this. And it's live. You know, you can have a whole, you can have a whole collection of this stuff and just bug the hell out of your friends by playing this stuff, you know. It's coming out from mysterious corners of your room. See, can you say to your friends, "Oh, it's George and Martha. Hey, uh, how about a martini? Anybody here for a little drinky-poo? Huh? How about a drinky-poo before we sit down to, to, you know, get into our usual argument about Ed Crane pool in the men's? How about a drinky-poo? You like yours with ice? Huh? Okay. Or you want it straight up? Okay. Here you go, Martha." And all the while this stuff is playing.
[Music]
See, listen to that. That great. Listen, what that trumpet in the.
[Music]
[Music]
Back. That's the real thing.
[Music]
Boy. Now, don't, don't immediately, uh, uh, one word of advice. Do not send me a, a, a letter telling me you have a great collection of records in your basement and would you like to buy them? No, I don't want to buy them. I am not interested in your old records. So please don't write that.
[Music]
Letter. Ain't nothing you got that can cut this.
[Music]
Friend. Can't you see your friends George and Martha sitting there drinking their martinis, you know? And you've got this very hip-looking vinyl furniture in your place. And it's all vinyl and glass, chrome, light bulbs hanging to and from some mysterious place is coming.
[Music]
[Music]
This. I don't know what the name of the tune is. That's not important.
[Music]
The only way I can describe this is it's totally lugubrious. Is that a great word for it? It's lugubrious. You imagine the day when this was called a really swinging.
[Music]
Band. I mean, it catches a whole era. I mean, can't you see these tall, thin people wearing long black gowns dancing at a place called a Persian Room? Hold it there. Okay. Now, I want you to turn that over. And before you do that, would you, would you get on the phone and tell me the name of that band? I have forgotten it. Just give me the name of the band. George, what, uh, your phone is cut off. Yeah, but doesn't it say anything else? Doesn't it just say, "His"? Doesn't he have a name of his orchestra? That's better. That's the name of the band. Now, you're reading, uh, it's the California Ramblers. Just played that great piece, "Georgia Rose," played by the California Ramblers. Now, wait. Now, turn it over. And you will see why I picked up this record again. It's the California Ramblers, that unforgettable group, which, uh, are not in any catalog anywhere, as far as I know. They're certainly not a jazz group. And it's a very elegant dance band. I don't even know what year it is, but it's so long ago that this is a mechanical recording, obviously. And it's on a sort of a terracotta-colored record. And they, the record label, what is the label, by the way? Uh, excuse me. What, what company made it? Yeah, I'm, I'm getting the company here. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Vocalion. Now, that's a great name for a record company. Vocalion. And, and the other side, uh, I think, I think has its own panache. And you can see why I picked it up. I immediately bought it because this, this is a great record. I've played it a couple of times in the past on the show, but I never told you what it was. And this was called out of a, out of a bushel basket with old shoes and roller skates and pieces of string and busted clothespins in a bookstore down on 4th Avenue in the lower Manhattan part of Manhattan, down around on 14th Street. Here we go. Oh, this is great. This is the California Ramblers, really getting into one. I can just see the bit in their teeth. This is pure theater. This must have been made about the time of World War I,
[Music]
roughly. Does anybody out there have any information on the group called the California Ramblers? 1921. We just got the information. Well, that is about the, that's only a couple years after World War I. Let's see. World War I ended when? 1918. Yeah. Well, that would be 3 years after the end of World War I. 1921. They didn't have talking movies or anything then. This was strictly, uh, strictly, uh, mechanical
[Music]
reproduction. Boy, listen to this great section work. Hear that banjo? That's a banjo. Hear the banjo? The banjo provided the rhythm for that band.
[Music]
Listen. Well, that's a little, wow. That was built into the record, apparently. It couldn't be our equipment, could it? Though, of course not. Seems to be losing steam. That must be our machine. Oh, that's fantastic. Talk about camp.
[Music]
Jeez. Hey, they're running out of gas, you guys. The California Ramblers ain't rambling so good. "Be Yes Your Love Belongs to Me." At night, when you're asleep, your love.
[Laughter]
[Music]
[Music]
I'm the she. What a rotten record. I mean, it's dynamically rotten. I mean, a lot of things are just bad. This one is aggressively bad. Listen to that banjo.
[Music]
[Music]
Oh.
[Music]
I'm, oh, what a fantastic arrangement. It sounds like a doily. Put the music that finally got you love. Oh, fantastic. I mean, my God. I mean, can you see the day now when, when somebody gets a whole lot of these rotten records like this and puts them into a seven, you know, re-records them, copies them, the seven, seven magic LPs, and sells them on late-night television? Well, what do you think they're doing with Chubby Checker records? I mean, you can hardly wait to buy a 1952 Jerry Lee Lewis, you know. And I'd say this is better than they are. Well, I'm the she. All right. Now, that's not the, that's not the all either. Uh, I, I, it's, it's, it's going in all fields now. Course, you know, the idea of, of getting, you know, collector's item cars is an old story, right? You know, people have been collecting, you know, 1930 Maxwells and stuff for a long time. That's a, that's a whole, uh, a whole thing. But do you know that, that right now, the, the fastest growing collector's item item item item is the cars of, uh, what could be called roughly, uh, our contemporary cars are being collected now, but cars that no longer are in existence. In other words, cars that are not, uh, 100 years old, but they have disappeared from the scene. For example, uh, one of the great collector's items today, or at least there's a lot of guys collecting them, are Hudsons. Well, now, when was the last Hudson made? Any of you know? It's not that old, you know. All right. How about the last Nash? How about the last Studebaker? Now, that's only a couple years ago. Studebaker went out of business about two or three years back, maybe four years ago. And already they're, you know, because they don't make them, see, they're becoming, they're becoming. Well, listen, if you want to hear a real bad story, listen to this. Well-preserved 1951 DeSoto, in perfect running condition. Now, think here. Listen what I'm saying. Well-preserved 1951 DeSoto, in perfect running condition, rustless, dentless, and still going strong with only 38 miles. 38,000 miles of wear are rare. You agree? The 8,000 miles is quite rare for a '51. A '51 DeSoto, absolutely no rust, and dentless. In other words, mint condition, damn near, right? That's rare, okay. Poor George Grindle of Takoma Park, Maryland, left just such a DeSoto. He had a beautiful DeSoto. Now, you're following this story, gang? Are you? You're a little confused in there, you know, what I'm, I'm talking about? No, you don't. I'll have to repeat it. Uh, this guy, I had a 19, I can always tell when there's a blank look. A 1951 DeSoto, which of course is not made any longer, uh, in perfect running condition. Now, don't bother the, the crew in Arl. You don't do that. In perfect running condition, with no dents and no spots. Now, you realize what a fantastic piece of, of, uh, collector's item that is. After all, this is '73. Uh, that car is, how many years old now? That car is 23 years old. Because a '30 of a '51 came out in '50. The cars usually come out a year before their year, see. So that car is 23 years old. 38,000 miles, okay. Now, you haven't heard the sad story. George Grindle of Takoma Park, Maryland, had this car. It was his pride and joy. It was a gift from his father, who had bought it new. And he got old, and he decided to give it to his son, see. He left it at a, at a repair garage to have its transmission checked. Just the grease in it, see. Nothing wrong with it, you know. They grease transmissions. He wanted them to check it, see. From there, it vanished mysteriously. Two weeks later, Grindle has given up searching for the remains of his car among piles of shredded metal and chrome in a wrecking yard where it was to old, courtesy of the Takoma Park police. Grindle had parked his car across the street from the garage when the DeSoto was ticketed with a warning that it must be moved within 48 hours, subject to towing. You know, we get this in town, you know. They put it on you to get it out of here in two days, we'll tow it away. The garage owner quickly pulled it into his lot. A police officer, however, already had notified record. He's already notified record that Grindle's car, although tagged and inspected, it's a perfectly legal car, and, uh, all incidentally, is a member of the American Automobile Association bumper sticker. He had notified the garage that it was abandoned and should be junked because it was such an old car. I figured, you know, here's what a drag. The DeSoto arrived at the records. Record show. They it had actually arrived at the records. Record show, and they sent it through the grind. That's the question. Who's responsible for it? Because it'll never, nobody knows. Send it through the grinder. And they're not really quite sure because all the cars that go to this place are sent through the grinder, but nobody remembers at this grinding place. They don't remember doing it. Uh, and because they get a hundred of them a day, see. Was it mashed into oblivion? No, nobody knows. Or is it sitting in some unlikely spot, alive and well? Grindle's lawyer says that this, that the DeSoto is, or was, an antique car. That's quite true. And that was treated with loving, quote, "loving kindness" by Grindle. The lawyer wants the car, or payment of substantial damages from somebody. It is gone. What a fantastic story.
Now, a car like that, that would be like somebody, you know, coming in the, I see your Tiffany lamp, you know, you got a Tiffany lamp, right? Uh, a genuine Tiffany lamp, and it's from 1896. And there it is, hanging in your house. Some guy comes in, says, "Oh, you know, let's redo this apartment for him while he's gone, you know, to kind of give him a lift, you know, that you're your landlord." He says, "We'll get rid of this old fixture here. We'll throw this out. Bust it up. And let's get rid of that old sofa over there. That old sofa there." And of course, it's your 1791 Chippendale. He says, "So we'll get that damn thing thrown up, burn it up, burning out in the back." Oh, my God. You come back, you know, and they've got this new set of Macy's furniture in your house, and you're willing to kill yourself. Well, now, here was this guy. As a matter of fact, if you think that that is not, you know, that's not a collector's item, I happen to be into, for, into antique cars a great deal. And the other, the last major car rally that I was involved in, uh, was down in, in a place called Marco Island, Florida. And they have a lot of fantastic cars down there. I mean, like 1928 Cadillacs, completely restored, 1930, uh, Fords, and all, all these great, you know, cars, you know, are fantastic. What do you think was the, what do you think was the absolute smash of the show, though? I mean, people were just flipping. What do you think was the smash of that show? There must have been $12 million worth of true antique cars. The smash of the show, absolute smash. In fact, he got a special cup for it. Well, well, you won't, you won't guess. No way. A guy had a 1949 Chrysler. Now, you'd say, "A '49 Chrysler? You can get those out on the used car lot in Queens." Oh, yeah. Not this kind. Was a '49 Chrysler that had 8,000 miles on it, and everything in it was the like the exact day that it came from the factory in 1949, including the radio, the radio knobs. He had, uh, he had the instructor's manual, instruction, you know, book, uh, he even had the, the warranty slips, which had, by the way, never been sent in. He had the warrant, he had everything, just like if you were to buy a brand new 1949, uh, Chrysler. I guess it was a Newport or something, I don't know what they called it, but it was a Chrysler four-door. And it was in a curious color. The guy who bought it decided he was going to go all out, see, in '49. And apparently, in 1949, they had very different ideas about color than they have now. Because this color, the car was a strange two-tone. They used to have a lot of two-tone cars. And this was a curious sort of a purple grape car. It was purple colored grape, like. And the top of it was a hard top. It was a four-door. The top of it was a strange kind of gold yellow. And that was considered, you know, very, very, uh, expensive. He got the act, you know, the, the deluxe paint job on it. And so here is this car. It's got 8,000 miles. So obviously, it had the original tires on it. Well, not only did it have the original tires, it was more than that. This guy who bought it originally, you know, he went all out. He said, "What the hell, you can't take it with you. Might as well go all the way." And he had, uh, he had, of all things, he had white wall tires. Except they were not white wall. Did you know that back in that period, in the late '40s, there was this quick and sudden fad, a fad of color white tires? Where you could get colored wall tires, not just white wall, but you got colored tires that matched your car. So he had this car, and it had yellow walls on it. The, the wheel, you know, the, the, instead of the white stripe, it was yellow that matched the top of the car. What a fantastic, uh, combination. And, uh, inside, of course, the, uh, the upholstery was this thick, rayon, rich mohair. They didn't use no hide or plastic or, you know, all this, uh, artificial ding-dong. It was really thick mohair. And when you, when you get inside this car, I was inside, we were messing around with it, closing the doors, it was like being in an overstuffed couch. The whole thing just billowing and very solid, tremendous. And he, and the guy who bought it originally had decided, since he's going all out, he might as well get the deluxe steering wheel. And did you know that in that year, you could get a steering wheel that was a flexible wheel? It had the four spokes, but they were flexible. That was very considered, apparently, very, very tremendous accessory. But it was flexible. But the wheel was a thin wheel, and it was made out of, out of imitation ivory. It was a white ivory wheel. And, uh, all the fittings inside the car matched that. The, the knobs on the radio dial were this ivory, this imitation ivory. And the, the door handles were all in ivory, see. And this guy had this fantastic car. When he, he drove in, of course, everybody was flipping because, uh, this was a car in original condition. It was not restored. This was the actual car. It was not restored. And so he won all kinds of awards for this fantastic car. Well, everybody was running around looking at even the guys that, you know, 1927 Apperson Jack Rabbits, really rare car, because this was rarer in its own way. It had never been restored. And since World War II, of course, people put a lot more miles on their cars than they ever, ever did prior to World War II, with all the big Turnpike driving and all. This guy had 8,000 miles. Guys couldn't believe it. And he had an, he had a, a notarized certificate, absolutely legally notarized, from the man that he bought it from, that this car had 8,000 miles on it. He personally would, would attest to that, legally swear to it, and that he had owned this car from the day it was new, and at no point was anything changed on it, nor was the speedometer changed. He had a legal document with it. And I said, "How the hell did this guy have this car?" And I asked him. Well, he's a funny guy. He said, "The guy, the guy bought the car, and he drove it a little bit. He lives up in Michigan someplace, a couple of years. And then he got mad one day. He's out, out driving, and there was a traffic jam, and he got mad. He says, 'The hell with it. I'm not, this driving is getting me out, driving me out of my bird.' Drove his car back and never drove again." He does not believe in driving anymore. But he had a car which he kept absolutely spotless in his heated concrete garage. And see, he says, "I found out about this car." Said, "Went down and bought it from him." He says, "Look at it. You can't believe it." And there it is, absolutely magnificent. Get in the car. And here's the eerie part of it. You realize, of course, that an 8,000-mile car is still a new car. And it smells new inside. Talk about a great color. Him. Oh, and, and by the way, the guy that drove it, drove it all the way in here, you know. He says, "It drives better than his own, his new." He's got a '72 car. He says, "Man, this '49 Chrysler cuts it. All going away." What a machine. Speak.