Transcription
Do you ever feel like the life that you're living really isn't your own? Like maybe you're living somebody else's life, and you look around and you wonder like, "How did I get here? And what the heck am I doing?"
Well, today we got a question from a young man who's struggling with just that. And you're not alone, bro. I totally know what you're going through, and I'm sure many others watching this can relate. So the question goes on and says, "Yo, Elliot, I've come to the point where I don't even know if the life that I'm living is mine."
He says, "I've done everything I was told would make me successful. Got the job, played the role, stayed positive, but deep down, I feel numb, frustrated, and fake. I don't know how to be honest with myself anymore. How do I strip away the lies that I've believed and get back to who I really am?"
Great question, man. And so, I'm going to begin by just sharing how a little over a year ago, I was struggling in very much the same way. I mean, if you've been following me on YouTube, you've seen me be successful. Like I've done all the things to get me to where I'm popular, I'm making money, and things seem to be going great, but there was something on the inside, something that told me that this wasn't right. Like, you're not living in complete integrity, right?
And as a result, I did some exploring, and I read a bunch of books, and I asked other mentors to give me some feedback. And one of my mentors shared with me this framework that I'm going to share with you here today. It's it's what he refers to as the code. And that in order for us to really be fully self-actualized men, to be the strongest version of ourselves, we've got to choose or we get to choose to live by this code. And in fact, this code, the four elements of it, is exactly what we're going to be covering, exploring, and utilizing in my next live event that's happening in July in Amsterdam. And if you're interested in joining us, you go click the link down below. But today, I'm just going to kind of share the framework with you, and maybe it'll be something that you can use in order to break through the rut that you find yourself in where you feel like you're living someone else's life.
So, it goes like this. We get to be real, tell the truth, get raw, be honest about our emotions. Stay relevant, meaning choose the stories that guide our lives and reject the ones that are unresourceful, with a ruthless focus on results. Meaning, what do you really want? Not what did your mom want for you or your coach want for you, your teacher want for you, or what you see other people doing online. Like, what do you really want?
And when we can get rid of the lies and we can tap into our emotions and we really consider the stories that we live by, well then things actually get a lot clearer, and we can choose what it is that we want rather than be confronting with [__] in lives and circumstances and relationships and results that really don't align with our truth. Like you could have all the good things and still hate your life. And you could choose to live simply and have less and love your life. It has everything to do with lining these things up and living in full integrity.
So the very first aspect of this is realness. Be real. Be real. What are the facts about your life? Like we can't get to where we want to go if we're not honest about where we're at. Be honest about why you're doing the things that you're doing. And oftentimes you discover that your why is totally out in left field. It really doesn't actually line up. Like why are you doing the job that you're doing? Why are you dating the girl that you're dating? Why are you pursuing the career or the college degree that you're after? And really like dig deep because on the surface there's a why. Well, because I have to, or well because I love her, or well because so on and so on and so forth. But we want to know the why behind the why.
Oftentimes when I get on guidance calls with my clients, we spend a lot of time just going in reverse. Okay, why did you do that? And then why did you do this? And then why did you choose this? And ultimately we get to the truth, which is what we're after. And sometimes the truth has been so covered up by all these fake lies, all these surface whys that when we see it, it's a [__] surprise. It's like, damn, I'm doing all of this because I'm trying to prove myself to my dad who left when I was a young man or to my mom who thinks that I need to live up to some standard or a girl that broke my heart five years ago. Old stories, things that no longer are present, things that aren't aligned with the true and real you, the better you. It's all stuff that has nothing to do with the present, dude.
So why get real? Get real about the results that you have in your life. Like be honest. Look at the bank account, and what does it reflect? Look at your body. What does it reflect? Like the truth. This is why I love considering life as an embodied experience. Like I'm a body coach. That's my main thing is associated with physical the physical body. You could lie about your income. You could lie about your intentions. You could lie about your so-called love, but you absolutely cannot lie about your body. Well, I mean, I live near Miami, so you know, there are a lot of fake butts and boobs out there, but like you can spot those a mile away, right? So maybe not totally true, but it's still a lie to yourself and to others when you fake your fake your body parts. Anyway, come back to the facts. The fact is that your body will tell the world a lot about you. You can't run from it. It's written all over you. Not just, you know, the size and shape of your body parts, your belly and your butt and your boobs if you're a woman, but also the way you carry yourself, your character structure, your posture will betray your intentions, the look in your eyes, your level of charisma and confidence, all are evident in your presence, your posture, the way you look.
So if you want to know the truth, man, sometimes we just got to look in the freaking mirror, and that'll tell us the truth. Because here's the thing, without truth, there's no healing. Without truth, we're really standing in on a on a on a foundation of lies. And why is that bad? Because if I'm going to take a use a map to get from where I am to where I want to be, but I'm lying about where I am, I'm never going to be able to get where I want to be. You don't open up your map app and then say, "Well, I don't want to be here, so I'm going to pretend like I'm somewhere else." And then try to travel from there. You can't. It's dumb. So standing on a foundation of lies means there's never going to be any prize. You can't get there from here. You can't get there from there. You got to get there from here. And we got to be honest about what's here.
And a lot of this has to do with internal healing, right? Like knowing the truth, knowing the facts is important on the outside. Like the example I'm using is a map. But the way we live our life is based on an inner paradigm. It's an inner phenomenon. Like the facts about who you are is important. Like, for example, it's taken me decades to be honest with myself about ADHD. I always denied it. And by denying it and casting it into the shadow, it ruled me from the shadows because I wasn't willing to look at it. I couldn't do anything about it. So there's no healing associated with it. But you know, most recently, I've decided that I'm going to be honest about this. And as a result, I realized there are certain foods that I eat and certain actions that I take and certain things that I do that inflame ADHD. But because I was trying to ignore the fact that it was actually there, for whatever it's worth, I'm still learning about myself. I never did the research to take a look at what might be triggering this sense of angst in my body and confusion in my mind. But only with the truth can it be dealt with. You can't heal a wound that's hidden. It needs to be exposed to the light of day.
So that's real. We got to be real. We got to be honest. We got to tell the truth to ourselves and everyone else, me and you. And that's what we're going to do when we meet me and you and the other men in our tribe in Amsterdam in July. Tell the truth. Come out about the truth.
And then we move on to getting raw, which has everything to do with emotions. Emotions never lie. Like emotions are what they are. They arise, and we could either acknowledge them or we don't. We can stuff them down, and that's the lie. Or we can just pretend like it isn't what it is. But once again, because emotion is embodied, is written all over you, dude. We can see it. There's a latent anger. One of my clients, you know, he's doing really well in life. He's building his business, and he's doing real good work, but he's doing it out of a position of anger. And it's written all over his face. Every day I look when I look at his face, he just looks like this. He looks mad because the truth is that he is, but it hasn't been processed. Getting raw is not about being belligerent with our emotions and shouting and screaming and crying and being an emotional mess. That's not required of men. That's not resourceful for men. But it goes back once again to being truthful, telling the truth, being honest about what it is that you feel.
Like we live in a world where feelings and emotions have been so shuttled to the shadows that we don't even have feeling words. Like you know that you're lying when you say something like I feel like you know someone is lying. Maybe not out of a bad place, but they're just ignore. They're they're ignorant when they say I feel like you don't like me. I feel like I want to this. I feel like all that. It I feel like is not getting to the actual emotion. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel confused. That's the right language to use in an association with our emotions. We need an feelings vocabulary. But not just that, that's the rational aspect of it that we as men need to embrace. Be honest about our feelings and use words to describe them face to face. But at the same time, they need to be processed. And there's a lot of different ways to process emotions. We use bioenergetics. And bioenergetics is not all about shouting and screaming and pounding your chest. Although if that's what's needed, it's available, but it's allowing the breath to take the edge off and allowing the emotion to arise. A lot of times when I work with my guidance clients and we're doing bioenergetic work, we're simply breathing, but then something comes to the surface. Something wants to arise that is way beyond what's in your mind. A lot of times it's stuff that was unresolved from decades and decades ago. Why do I feel afraid today, Elliot? And we're just breathing. Why do I feel angry and like everything is great? Those emotions which have been trapped physiologically, it's a science, need to be processed. And that's what we do with bioenergetics and breathing sessions, me and you. That's what it's all about. Bringing it to the emotion, bringing the emotion to the surface so that it can be dealt with.
I happen to think, and this is purely from the book of Hulse, that a lot of the demonic activities or, you know, when we feel like we're being oppressed or tempted by Satan has a lot more to do with what's trapped in you rather than a supernatural phenomenon. Although that can happen, too. I truly believe that. But a lot of times it's man, it's just you. That demon in you is you not processing the truth, which is you're still upset about what happened in your youth.
So that's number two. Number three has everything to do with staying relevant. Stay relevant. Stay relevant with the stories that you believe. Stay relevant with the stories that you allow to guide your life. Like this is probably the root for most of us. In fact, I would say it is. It's number three. But if we bring it up to the front and place it before the truth, we'll realize that a lot of the lies that we're living through, it's because of the stories the world has told you. Like we got to pay attention to the conversation between our ears. What are you saying to you? And where did that come from, dude? Like, whose story is that? We take a lot of things for face value as Americans. We take certain things to be basic truths. But do you ever explore them? Do you ever look deeper? Do you ask any questions about why you believe what you do? Because those who have implanted those seeds of deceit in your mind, they know what they were doing. All kinds of things from the lies about God and the lies about morality and the lies about your sexuality and the lies about your worth. There's an enemy that wants to destroy you. And so he implants stories that don't serve.
Where do these stories come from? Well, pay attention to the music that you listen to. Pay attention to the movies that you watch. Pay attention to your so-called education that you've got. It's funny because recently I was thinking about like, you know, how is it that man, at least me growing up in the 80s and 90s, how did I become such a blue pill beta male? Just being honest with myself, I see where I behave that way in many instances. But then I remember listening to music in the 80s like R&B music that would come on Hot 97, and it was all about dudes singing over chicks, and the chicks acted like they had dicks. So all these strong independent women, they're buying a false story, too. I'm just telling you the truth, right? I'm honest now, dude. So that doesn't control me like it used to.
And then finally, number four. Results that you want. Once again, results that are yours. Like, what do you want, dude? Like, I've spent a lot of time in my life chasing results that I really don't want or chasing some some pie in the sky that's sort of intangible and always moving. The goalpost keeps moving. Like, what do you really want? And it usually has something to do with your needs. But of course, we want a little bit more than our needs. But do you really want all that you're chasing? And if you don't have what you want and you're not getting what you need, you got to go back to the beginning, dude. What is the truth? Results. I mean, that's really what it boils down to, right? The truth about the results that you've got, the results that you want, and the life that you're actually living so that your life can be yours, my friend.
How do I strip away the lies I believed, and get back to who I really am? Everything I said here will support you. But even more, if you want to work one-on-one with me, you can look click a link down below and join me on a call, and we'll dig a little bit deeper, dude, and find out the truth about you. Or you can join a like-minded group of men who are going to be gathering in the heart of Europe at Amsterdam in July, and we're going to work it all out together. You and I and a cadre of fellas, men who are all on the same path, dude.
So, I hope to see you there. Click the link down below. Done.