NDE: God showed me Everything - Beginning to End! Tonya Upton

Everything that God was showing me, like every person, every little thing, every experience, every moment, even this moment right now, us talking according to that moment is that we are supposed to be here talking. And if you're listening to this, that you're supposed to be here listening to this. So, it was like every little thing, no matter how insignificant it seems, it's all connected and it's all working together.

You don't have your body like I won't look like this there because nobody did. My grandma was there and I love my grandma so much and she was like the only one I felt really just close to growing up. Um, but my grandma Lucy and she was a light bean and she was there and there was a bunch of other lights of people that I knew and family. But I just remember being like, "Grandma, Lucy's here." And but she didn't look like her, but I still could see her image. I don't know how to explain that, but I could see that her image just like my friend that was there. Like I knew that that light was my grandma, but it was just a light in the shape of like a being, but it was light.

The spiritual realm and my experience is more real than like this body and being here. Like that's crazy, right? Like that that is more real to me. That however many minutes I was there felt like a lifetime.

This is Beyond with Heather Tash, where we examine near-death experiences and life itself, hopefully making this life a little better. Hello everybody. Welcome and welcome to my guest Tanya Upton. Hello, Tanya. Hi. Thank you for having me. I am so happy to have you. I know that you haven't really shared your story much before, and I'm so honored that you're willing to do it here with me. You shared your story with me the other day, and I was just so interested in it. It really is an intriguing story, and I know my audience will love hearing it. You had a near-death experience, but even before that, in fact, probably about a year before that, you had an encounter with God. So, why don't you start there and then we can go running into your near-death experience, right?

Absolutely. So, again, yes, I'm not used to sharing my story, so I may fumble through it a little bit, but um I hope that God gets to use it and um that it helps somebody, even if it's just one person. So, a year before I had my near-death experience, about a year, I had come to my end of my addiction of alcohol, I was a mess. I had really bad anxiety. I couldn't leave my house. It was so bad. I didn't leave my house for like a year. If I left, if I went to the grocery store, I would have a full-blown panic attack and have to go back home. I even sold my car cuz I was like, I can't drive. It was horrible. Um got a job working from home before it even became a thing and um 2020, you know, with the co and so I worked telephone sales from my house all day. I was drinking all day while doing sales. I was doing great, but I was blitz most of the time. Um and I just kind of came to the end. I I was very just like I couldn't function hardly anymore and I felt like life was just really dark. I was in a really dark place and I felt like a complete failure and so I just was kind of at the end. I mean I never thought about taking my life before and I didn't really like have it planned out or thought about it. I just was at the end of me. I just was sick and tired of of it of all of it. And I was smoking a cigarette and drinking and sitting um just sitting on the floor and thinking like I just can't live like this anymore. And I just had a conversation with God. I just was talking and I felt the presence of God. I felt God touch me like the back of me. And in that moment, I just had a spiritual encounter and awakening. And I felt like I didn't want to drink anymore. I felt chains kind of come off of me. And it was a really spiritual kind of weird experience. I, you know, really would have a hard time explaining. But in that moment, I didn't My anxiety went away. I had no desire for alcohol. I put my cigarette out. I at that point I never smoked another cigarette. I never drank alcohol. I don't even drink caffeine. I walked out. I went somewhere. I still had to go to therapy. You know, I went to CBT therapy after that to kind of work on mentally some things, but I was able to go, right? And I still had some anxiety, but I was learning how to deal with it, you know. I think um so it was just a a spiritual experience.

So that was a year before my NDE and I I had gotten a job with a solar company and we went we had a trip scheduled to Vegas and I remember being like oh my gosh I have literally went from not being able to leave my house to working for this company driving around meeting with people over a period of time and now you know I need to fly to Vegas. So, I did not want to go and I kept praying about it and I was just like, God, if you really want me to go, then I'll go, but I just feel like Vegas is not a good place for me with my past and like the alcohol and just everything. So, I didn't want to go and I really just beg God for them to like say that I didn't have to go, but that never happened. So, I went and it was fine at first. Everything was good. Um, but there was a lot of temptations and a lot of things that were come to me while I was there that I was like, "No, I feel like I'm on like some kind of temptation island here. I need to get off." But I faded sober and did my job. And then I started on when we were getting ready to leave, probably the same day we were leaving, I started feeling not very well. Um, I just felt really sick and I didn't really know what it was. And I remember we were going to the airport and I was with two of my colleagues and I I just thought if I wasn't with them I don't even know that I could navigate through the airport and it's a really small airport leaving Vegas so it wasn't like that confusing but I couldn't think too clear and I just overall did not feel well and by the time we got on the plane on the way back I felt like I was going to die. I mean, I was sitting in between Allan and Stean sitting on each side of me and I was just they were sleeping cuz I'm looking around for somebody to talk to cuz I'm like I'm going to die. I don't feel good, you know? And so, nobody was there to talk to. So, I started talking to God and I said, "God, I really am scared and I feel like I'm I feel like I'm dying. I don't know what's going on, but I just have this really weird sensation that I'm going to die. And God asked me, he said, "If I needed you to die, would you be willing to die?" And I just kind of I was just startled that that was what came to like if you've ever heard God talk that it's not like you audibly hear somebody. Um, but I was a little startled. And I thought, what are you serious right now? And then then he said, you did give me your life and if I needed your life for this purpose, would you be okay with that? And I just at that moment, I was thinking I didn't think I was going to like have a plane crash or anything. I just didn't feel good. I felt like I was going to die. And I And so then I was thinking, is it like something to do with the plane? You know, is this it? Is this what he's asking me? And I just said I said fine. You know, you're right. I did give you my life. and I'm sober and my life has been better and if this is what it was all for and you need me take my life to end for your purpose then yes and I just had peace in that moment and I went to sleep and then when we got into Atlanta airport I still felt terrible but I was like okay we're here it's okay that was just a conversation I'm going to be fine um and then We we left and they wanted to stop at the Waffle House and eat. And I just stayed in the car because I was like, I feel so sick. I'm just going to stay in the car and sleep until we cuz we were headed back to Greenville. It's about 2 hours. Um and so we they ate. We went we got to Greenville and the rest of the day I was just like not well and did not feel good. And then I started with like vomiting and that kind of stuff and into the rest of the day. And that night I was laying on the couch. It was the middle of the night and I felt like I was going to be sick. So I got up and I started walking towards the bathroom and I felt like my entire body was getting really heavy. I just felt like my spirit was still walking but my body, my physical body was just like falling to the ground and I felt like I was coming up out of my body. So, by the time I got to the bathroom, I just felt really weak and it took all my energy to yell and it probably sounded something like help, but it was really like everything. I should have been screaming with the power like help, but it just came. It was very weak. And I yelled for my boyfriend at the time to help me. And I'm just I'm so surprised even heard because um I don't think I barely sat I don't think it was loud at all. And I just kind of sat down like I just sat on the toilet because I was like I'm done. And I remember just kind of like going like falling backwards and that was it. That's all I remember at that moment.

And then that's when I had my near-death experience. I was standing in front of this big ball of light that was in front of me. And then I looked to my side and there was another ball of light. And what was really interesting about it is that that ball of light had legs and arms. And I could kind of see like a little bit of a upper body, the legs. And it was a friend of mine that from years ago who was just such a huge part of my life. and he he came into my life at a time that I really needed somebody to come into my life and was there for me. He was just like an angel to me. Um, and he was there. And what was funny is because he always wore white Reebok shoes and khaki pants and a golf jacket. And that's what that's what I saw outside the light like those and that was his way of letting me know because you don't talk the same there. It's just kind of like a impression, you know, like the way God talks to you here, like you were having a conversation. Um, but he he was there and then I just kind of looked back to the light and the feeling I had was was just a all around just a love that it was just a really deep love and peace, you know, and I I can't really compare it to anything in life other than like when you know how much you love your child or if you think of the happiest day in your life even like something that you accomplished and you feel really really happy and good about yourself and just like maybe you worked really hard to you know become a ball player and you're you know you win a medal or something I don't know I don't I don't know it's just like that times a billion I can't a feeling of accomp like the accomplishment peace happiness and love it was all of those three things together And it's it was very I think intoxicating because I didn't want to come back. I wanted to stay.

And um but what was really interesting for me is that God I'm calling God the light that was in front of me. And um he took me over to the side almost like we were looking out over almost the entire I don't know how to describe it but I guess if you were looking into space is how it would look. Like we were standing looking out into space and what was interesting about it is that there was all these little lights and I guess would be look like stars but they all had little everything was attached and it was and they weren't stars. I'm just trying to discover what they look like. They were what God was describing as everything and everybody and how we're all connected and everything's connected. And that was the big message for me that that I felt like that I learned was that everything works together, like every little thing. And I just kept thinking, "Wow." And God showed me from beginning to end everything. And I don't really remember what that was, but at the moment it looked like I think of it like a spiderweb. when when there's dew on a spiderweb and the light's hitting it just right and you can barely see those little it's almost like they're connected. It's not like a straight solid line. It just looks like little dots like glistening. But it was all connecting everything.

Everything that God was showing me like every person, every little thing, every experience, every moment, even this moment right now, us talking according to that moment is that we are supposed to be here talking. and if you're listening to this that you're supposed to be here listening to this. So, it was like every little thing, no matter how insignificant it seems, it's all connected and it's all working together. And I I just remember being like, "Oh my gosh, like that and that and oh, you know, and I think I was reviewing moments of my life, you know, and I can only speculate cuz I wasn't able to bring a lot of every most of anything that I saw that and that I just remember I kept saying every little thing works together, everything." And I remember feeling so like just amazed at all of it. I wish I could feel that amazed like in life right now, you know, like just going through the day because we struggle so much on this side of it. We, you know, at least for me, I feel like a lot of times I don't have the energy I need to go through things, but there I felt like just, you know, everything's great and fantastic.

And so then I I don't remember much else other than I said that I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay. And God said no. And I said I said I really want to stay. Let me stay. And I think the what about your kids kind of thing? Don't you you know? And I looked over my shoulder just kind of and I think I was looking back at what God just showed me and I thought about my son and I was like he's okay. He's going he's fine. like it's all like working out great and then I said and I looked back and I was like Kendall which is my daughter and I paused. I had a pause and I remember that so much when I came back. I I remember thinking about that like why was there this long pause with her and then you know that came full I think that came full circle in the last few years of my life with things that my daughter's gone through and I go oh wow you know but at the time I was saying oh I paused but I said it's going to be fine it's all going to work out please let me stay I want to stay and it wasn't just a hard no like you're going back and I actually was like no I'm not staying here and then I just started moving backwards away from the light and I felt like I was getting smaller and I did not want to go and I was just kind of doing this like no I want to stay and um but I didn't and as I was moving the only thing I could really describe the sensation is like this is like going back to earth and my physical body and I'm here and I was just kind of shrinking But as I got smaller and I it's like I hit this tunnel and everything that I was trying to bring with me just like did this and it's like nope it's staying over here and I went through and I woke up on the floor in my house and the there was an EMT over me and he had the light flashlight in mind and he was kind of shaking me and saying wake up and I looked at him and he said who's the President, what year is it? He was asking me some questions. Is your name Tanya? And I was just staring at him because I could hear him, but I was so focused on what did I just see? What did I hear? I wanted to remember. I was like, "Wait, wait. All of it works together." I It was so fresh. Like the feeling I wanted to hold on to that feeling of love and peace, and I didn't want to let it go. And I didn't want to talk right then. I just wanted to just hold it all. And I and he was talking to me. I turned my head and looked at my friend and said, "Am I alive?" And he said, "I sure hope so." I was kind of like, "Oh." And I looked back at the EMT and I I still didn't say anything to him. And then another guy pushed him out of the way and he and he gleaned down in my face and he's like, "Tanya, my name's Allan and I'm here to help you and what year is it?" And I said, "Allan," I was like, "I'm supposed to meet you." And he's like, "What?" I was like, I just couldn't believe like at that moment I wasn't even worried about what was going on. He's like, "We think something happened with your heart. We're going to set you up and hook you up to machines." And um I looked at my skin, it was white. Like I like I had a t-shirt on. This t-shirt was soaking wet. My hair was wet. Like I must have like I mean it was weird. And he's like, "What do you think? Something happened to your heart because your heart rate's really high and you know you're white, really white and soaking wet." And so it looked like I'd been in the shower. Like it literally looked like like I fell asleep in the shower or something. And so then he they put hooked me in the machines and put him in the ambulance and I didn't even care cuz I was just like so interested in him and his story and why I felt like I really was supposed to meet him and to my friend that I saw on the other side his name was Allan too. And so it was just like I felt like it was this weird connection. And so then we went to the hospital and they I found out later from Allan. So it was I was in there for a couple hours and they were doing tests and trying to figure out and they they were like so you just got back from Vegas. What happened? They're trying to feel like figure out what did I get? What did I have and did what did I pick up in Vegas? And I mean I didn't party. I didn't do anything weird and I just worked. And so they did some blood work and when I came back through, not when I came back through, when Allan came back through, he stopped in my room and he asked the nurse. He said, "Did you did she tell you her story?" And the nurse, I guess, had really bad anxiety. And the nurse was like, "No, no, I haven't talked to her about it." He's like, "You really need to hear it. It's it really like helped me." me and I just thought, "Oh, that was weird cuz I don't even remember on the on the ambulance telling him anything." I remember asking him questions and he told me some things that he had been going through, but I don't remember telling him anything after that. And I sat there and I was like, "That is so strange. I don't know." So, I don't know what God used or if I was able to tell more about my experience. I have no idea. Um, but I did find out later that there I thought he was coming back through on ambulance, but he he told me that they held them. Anybody that had been around me, they held for a couple hours because they were checking for anything that might be like super a super spreader or something like Ebola or something. I don't know. So, it was kind of this really crazy thing, but I just had complete peace that it was God using that situation to talk to me, to show me something, to prepare me for my future, to meet Allen. I still don't know. I don't pretend to know. I don't know why God even gave me that opportunity. I felt like it was such a blessing and especially over the past few years of my life. I don't know how I would have gone through some of the things I went through without having had that experience to just know that everything's okay and that there is a better place, you know, that we're all going to be at some point hopefully.

It's such an incredible story and I often think, you know, I hear a story like yours and you know, the fact that you looked out over the stars or the universe and you saw God, I mean, does it ever just blow your mind when you think about what happened to you?

Yeah. So, used to I would think about it every single day. There's rarely a day that goes by that I don't have a moment of like where it hits me. And I think it's just because life is is tough, right? Like we go through a lot of things. At least in my life, there's been a lot of struggle. And there's a lot of days that I wake up and I I battle that I don't want to get up or I don't want to do this. And then I I think of that and I think it's not about me. I you know, just get up and go through it. just just do your best every day. And one of my my mantra of saying every day just to do it is like do my best and let God do the rest because if not I would feel so overwhelmed and I would feel like I don't do enough or life is too hard or whatever it is and I'm like I can just do my best. And sometimes your best is just taking a shower, right? Like sometimes if you're fighting depression or anxiety or just going through really difficult things, sickness, divorce, like whatever it is, I don't know, you know, losing somebody, your best day may be just taking a shower. And so I think of that moment a lot because I mean, we all have to. It's just not it's not like that here. The feeling I had there is not I don't have that feeling here. I can't. It doesn't. And and those things that I learned do not fit in this brain and we can't carry it with us. It doesn't fit. We can't have it. And we can't carry that feeling because it's so big and overwhelming. I mean, if we were to feel that in this body, I think it would take us out or take us just down. Because if you've ever had a spiritual experience here where you think of God and the love that God has and you at least for me I've had moments where I think of that and I start crying because it feels really overwhelming but I can but in a good way like crying in a good way but only like I can only it only lasts for a minute because you can't hold it any longer than that. That's the only way you know even kind of close to that. So yeah it's it feels pretty wild to have that.

So many people do struggle and that's why I do think stories like yours are so important because they do give us hope and they give people just something to hang on to when they are having a tough day or a tough life whatever it is. So it is really important that it's all connected too. So, if you're really struggling and you wonder why is this happening? Because I do that. I'm telling you, it happens all the time. Especially I was sharing with you what's happened recently in my life, like what is happening? I'm like, how is this supposed to happen? How is this even? And sometimes I'll start looking for the answer. It's just like I got bit by a spider a week and a half ago and then I'm at the urgent care because three days later the spider bite took another turn and then they put my antibiotic there and I'm like how is this even like is this really part of all those little things? So I think about it all the time. I'm like, or if I just meet somebody randomly, I'm like, oh, I'm supposed to meet them. Like, it all just works together somehow and it's so hard to realize that even the bad things, there's something there. Something I don't, but I don't know what. I wish I could tell you that. It is hard to imagine that we're all connected. And yet, I've heard other near-death experiencers say that even if one of us, you know, was missing, just everything would sort of fall apart because we're all so necessary.

Yeah. It's really it's really unbelievable. And I never really listen to other stories because I didn't want it to impact my story. So, I don't know what a lot said. And I really wanted to wait until I told my story more before I listen to someone else's. And so I feel like soon I'll start doing that because it is interesting and to hear what other people experience. But I'm thankful for my experience. You have been through some really hard things the past few years. Um I don't think I could have gotten through it and been the rock that I needed to be without um going through it. You know, my daughter, she lost her baby full term a few years ago. And I just it was even knowing what I know and even knowing that God is with us and it's all connected and that the other side is a much better place than here. It was really hard. It was a very dark season and I had to be strong for my daughter and be there for her. And I don't know that I could have done I every single day I would say, "Thank you, God. Thank you, God. I don't know how I would cope with this if I didn't if you didn't bring me there and I didn't see that. I don't know." And then I felt like, how do people go through child loss and not have had that experience? I don't know cuz I don't know that I could have gone through it, losing watching my daughter lose her baby if I didn't have that experience. I just don't.

And what's so interesting is when you looked back at your son, you're like, "Okay, he'll be okay." And when you were in this heavenly realm and you looked back at your daughter, you did have that pause. Yeah. And then she even had more. And so then my grandson, now he just turned three years old on Friday. You know, when he was 3 months old, he had to have open heart surgery at MUSC in Charleston. And so knowing that when he was a month old, we found out he had a rare heart condition. And for him to have to go through that and then go through the recovery, he's so strong and amazing and come through it. He's a little tiger. And then a few months ago, she found a bump on the back of his head. And we went to the hospital and I I was like, "Okay, he probably just fell down and hit his head." But they did some blood work and X-rays and then they end up admitting him for biopsy and it just became this whole other thing we've been dealing with the past few months. And I still I still draw from that experience all the time cuz I was like, you know what, it's going to be okay. I don't know how, but it's going to be okay. And you still, even as a person having that experience, I still have those doubts every single day going through it. I still struggle. I still I'm still tired. I still am like, why is this happening? Why? and all the questions, all the feelings, all the things. And so, I do feel very fortunate and I really I think it's a really good thing to share this. I hope it does help somebody that's going through the same thing that might struggle in those ways and not have had that experience and know that it just always works out that it's all connected. And actually yesterday I was thinking I'm going to be on this podcast and I haven't had any time with a spider bite and allergic reaction to the medication and everything to prepare because I was going to make an outline. I wanted to be able to really tell my story great and I'm not used to telling it and I just didn't get a chance to do any of that. And I was um brushing my teeth and thinking, "Oh my gosh, God, what do you want me to say? Like how I just it's yours. You tell it." you know, and I looked over on I have a little cabinet that I stick post-it notes on when I have something that I feel like I need to remember. And I had put a post-it note there and I forgot about it because you know how when you see something all the time, you don't if you don't stop and really look at it, you don't see it anymore. And I looked over and I had this little posty note and it's Romans 8:28. And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. And it was so funny that that was there, right, when I was asking God, like when I looked over and saw that, and it goes back to what he showed me when I was there, that everything's working together. So, Romans 8:28 might help somebody. I know your story is definitely helping people.

You had this amazing gift of being able to experience God. How did what you experienced compare to I don't know if you had an image of God, you know, before you'd even heard from him in your life? And you know, what are your thoughts now on on who God is?

And I never had an image of God. I didn't have an image of what I thought what he looked like. I just felt like for me experiencing God was more of him talking to me. And even in the worst times of my life before my sobriety, I heard from God, but I didn't know what to think about it. And I didn't it didn't make me go down the path of of anything. It just let me know. What it does now is let me know that even in my darkest times, even when I was at my worst and maybe even by society that, you know, maybe society didn't love me and people, but God did, right? And I think even if you're struggling with addiction or struggling or an outcast or whatever it is that and maybe people don't like you, but God does. And I I never had an image. And so for me, when I had my NDE, I just saw light and felt love and knew this whole time God's always been there. Um, and but God talked to me the same way there is here. There's no face. There's no mouth moving. Like I just wonder sometimes if we really just stop being so attached to society if we could talk to each other that way. I don't know. Like I wonder because we're spiritual beings too in a body, you know, and I think that too reminded me of that seeing my friend there that had passed away a few years ago, you know, and that same he had light. He was a light bulb, too. Just had I just knew it was him because of his clothes that he pictured to show me. So, you know, I I think that we just forget sometimes how spiritually connected that we are and what spiritual beings that we are.

It was interesting when you met Allan the paramedic. And when he said his name, you immediately went, "Oh, you know, I'm supposed to meet him." Right.

I knew I was supposed to meet him. I think that I was shown that, but I wasn't able to bring it here logically into my brain. But I knew in my heart I knew that that moment was supposed to happen. So I'm curious, do you ever have other things in your life that trigger any other memories of things that you maybe don't recall, but then suddenly you kind of get like a fuzzy image of, oh yeah, I kind of remember hearing something about that or

Yeah. So I have had I have had um I dream a lot of times things that happen and I don't know but I've always done that and but now I take it even more like wow you know and I was just telling a friend over the weekend that I had this app I put on my phone. I don't know if you've used it or not but it's a sleep app and you can listen to yourself at night cuz I was having some trouble sleeping. Well I didn't really have trouble sleeping. I was tired during the day and I thought I'm not sleeping good. I want to see if I'm snoring. And so I put the app on my phone and I wasn't really snoring. I mean, I was snoring, but not nothing terrible. And I was listening to those cuz it'll record you. If you move in your bed, it records you if you snore. And so I was listening to the little snores to see is it bad? Do I need to go see a doctor? Nothing bad there. But I was talking in my sleep and I said in my sleep I said I just got nominated for social media for something like an award and I thought that's so weird you know and literally the next day I got an email that I got an award for social media and I thought like so I think like I don't know and I've had things like that happen where something I'll dream something and it kind of matches the dream or thing like I have things happen and I just thought wow you know and I love that kind of stuff. I just wish that we didn't have to be so I wish we didn't have to work so much and get bogged down by like I have to pay for this or I have to buy gas or I have to buy groceries or I'm tired. We stay so locked into our society that sometimes we we don't get that time to I want to meditate. I want to spend more time like how how much are we able to do on a spiritual level on a psychic level on an energy level that we are cut off from because we're so busy trying to make our lives work.

And you're like on this, you know, and I know there's more to it. To me, the spiritual realm and my experience is more real than like this body and being here. Like that's crazy, right? Like that that is more real to me. That however many minutes I was there felt like a lifetime. And I know it's real because also I had surgery a few years ago and while I was in s I feel like now that that's happened I have this fast track where maybe I get to go you know but I had surgery a few years ago and I went there while I was under I was there again but this time I was around a body of water and there was a lot of light beans like you don't have your body like I won't look like this there because nobody did. My grandma was there and I love my grandma so much and she was like the only one I felt really just close to growing up. Um, but my grandma Lucy and she was a light bean and she was there and there was a bunch of other lights of people that I knew and family but I just remember being like grandma Lucy's here and but she didn't look like her but I still could see her image. I don't know how to explain that but I could see that her image just like my friend that was there. Like I knew that that light was my grandma, but it was just a light in the shape of like a being, but it was light. And I was there and I just I had that feeling again of love and peace and I just was like, "Oh." And then I came back when I woke up from surgery. But that one just felt like it was like that that I was there.

One thing you're giving people though is a gift in knowing that these people that you love that have passed on, they still exist.

I believe from my experience that not only do they exist that they so my friend Allan that was there I'll talk to him sometimes and I've had experience I'll ask him something or say please let me know if you know you're still here I just I know I had that experience that life is really hard right now and I and I actually talked to him over a week ago and said that and I was just like life is so hard right now we're going through all this stuff and I'm scared and you know I just want to know that you're still there, that this is still real. And you know, when when I when I first came to South Carolina and met with him, we met in Colia and I'd already met him before, but it's the first time I had come to South Carolina. And he's he was from South Carolina and we went to California Dreaming Restaurant in Colombia. If you've ever been to California Dreaming, the best ones in Colombia. But my friend, a colleague and me went to a conference last week in Colombia and we were there and we were supposed to eat lunch there and we just kind of were like this is so hard for us to sit here and so at lunchtime he was like hey do you want to go to California dreaming for lunch and I was like yeah and so we left and I was sitting there and I just remember being there with Allan and I was like oh my gosh like I just asked you to remind me let me know that you're here and that was that? And one time I did it and I asked I asked him I said just let me know you're still around. And so and then I looked at the book I was reading and it was his last name on the book. And so there's so many times that if you just can just know that people are still there. They're still there and we have to pay attention. Yeah. Because if we don't if we ask and then we forget and we don't notice. But even if you forget I forgot. I asked I forgot and then I was sitting at California Dreaming. I think I don't know, right? Like I forgot that I asked it. I just kind of was like in a having a moment. So I think you just ask and seek the answer and maybe just I don't know. Isn't it weird? We can't really define it.

Well, it's really incredible. It's always a gift when we do get those signs from our loved ones that have passed. I'm curious. The first time you had your near-death experience, you looked out and you saw the stars, the universe. You were saying that the next time you left your body, you saw a lake. Uh what other visuals did you see? I mean, were was it was it like natural like grass and trees, that sort of thing?

It was green. It was a green color. It looked like grass and just green, like a lot of green around the leg and lights and there was just like all light figures around. That's it was just like a really quick I did I just went there and I felt the love again and the peace and that feeling and I didn't try to stay. I didn't have conversation. I just was like my grandma was there and I got to connect with her and other family members. I knew they were there and other people I didn't even know were there. Probably other people's family. So, there was just light everywhere. And I think we're just light and that's what I was saying. I feel like we're light and we're all connected.

How did your experiences change you?

That's a tough one because I st I still struggle with a lot of things, right? like you know finding out that I'm the problem of so many of my problems you know like how could that be you know um so we all have things to work on and our limitations in this body the only thing I think that is the most not the only thing but the most powerful thing that having the near-death experience has changed for me and helped me is that it helped my faith I feel really lucky that I had the experience because it really helped um it's helped me to go through the things that I've gone through with my daughter and my grandson and just life in general, you know, like just hard days. I've been one that has battled things like depression, anxiety, and I think it helps with that, knowing that why do I take things so serious here, right? It's a it's a limited time. And and I think we I think a lot of people struggle with those things because we're we're caught again in the society and we're not able to tap into our natural abilities or maybe we're just hooked, you know, in some of that. Um but I think it just really helps me to get through it more than anything. And stay sober, right? Like life has been hard. It's easy. You know, just knowing that sometimes there, you know, there's an option. I could have a drink and just let it just ah, you know, sometimes I'm like, I just can I just take a moment? Can I have a break? Can I just have a night and have a drink and just It's not about the drink. Just to have the release, just to numb out for a minute, right? Just because sometimes life is that hard. But I think having that experience sometimes just like it'll be fine. It's going to be fine. and go to sleep and wake up and you get a new day. So, it's been helpful that way for me and I hope it helps somebody else even though they didn't have the experience that and I feel very fortunate. I will say this. I've been through a lot in life. I I've been in some really really really dark places that I wouldn't want a lot of people to experience. Most of anybody to experience. Um, so I think that it's a gift and I'm I feel very blessed to have had it and I wish everybody could have it, but maybe sometimes it's like the yin and yang, the dark and the light. I think that maybe if you've been somewhere really, really, really bad. And maybe not. I don't know. I haven't interviewed. I don't know what other people have been through that have had these experiences, but I can tell you that I've had some really really really hard times and and live, you know, I think sometimes maybe that was just the gift for it all. You know, that I made it out and I'm alive and God's going to use the story for what he wants.

The other thing you've shared which I think is helpful to remind all of us is the idea that we're all connected.

Yeah. And it's hard sometimes when maybe you don't like somebody, you know, like somebody's mean or whatever, like I'm connected to you. Um, but yeah, we're all spiritual beings. Those are the hard ones. Yes. But I also don't have all the answers.

Maybe there's two forces, right? Like maybe there's a whole another experiences that you hear about interviewing people that have had near-death experiences. Maybe there's maybe there's maybe there's a lot of different lights on this planet. I have no idea and I don't even claim to know. I just know what God showed me and I feel like there's some answers in the Bible and I feel like there's some answers within yourself. If you if you want to go deep, I like however deep you want to go, you can go. We all can. Maybe I just, you know, wanted to go that deep. I don't know. I I don't really know the answer to any of that experience.

You mentioned getting signs from uh loved ones who have passed and you mentioned getting some information in dreams. You had very distinct experiences when you heard from God. Have you heard from God recently? Is that still something that you occasionally are getting the these hello? How are you Tanya? Yes. So, I I question that because when you have an experience like that, then you're like, "Wait, I didn't hear from you. Do you did you forget about me or am I not that special after all?" You know, whatever. But um it's funny cuz a lot of times like 111 is a big thing with me and um feathers. So, a lot of times I'll find feathers when I'm looking for answers or if I'm really if I'm like is this a yes or no? or like the last place, one of the last place I moved, I was like, "Am I supposed to move here?" Because I kind of got to where I don't want to do anything. I'm like, "Is am I on the right path? Is this what I'm supposed to do or not?" Um, and I asked and I was walking through the place and I saw a feather on the carpet and I was like, "How does white feather get on the carpet?" So, you know, there's always signs.

I think of you and and I don't think you had to have a near-death experience to have that because I did have um I did have God talk to me before I got sober. I did have dreams about things that happened before I even got sober. I I think those I don't really and that's why I was saying I don't really understand, you know, I don't really understand why or how or I think that I have a purpose and God has a purpose for my life and he kept me and he's going to use it. but how it all works. And I mean I God didn't leave me then. He certainly hasn't left me now, you know, like he didn't bring me this far to be like, "See you. It was fun meeting you in heaven, but you know, I'm out." No. Like again, I think that whole thing that all we're all connected, it all works together. Everything that I think too, you know, imagine the people that didn't have that experience. They don't they're having complete blind faith like I like I did before I had it you know for a time but you know faith is what we're supposed to go on. So even if I don't have another experience like that I have to believe and have faith and and walk that out like we all do. I think if you take time to go looking for those answers you'll find them.

It is comforting to hear from you. I know you're helping so many people. If somebody wants to connect with you, I know you're on Instagram. Would that be the best way to Instagram? Yes, I think so. You can send me a message on Instagram. At some point, I'm going to make a website and start sharing my story. More of there's more to the story and and parts of it and we wouldn't have time to go through it all right now, but on YouTube and um and put on a website. But right now, if anybody had more questions, they could just find me on Instagram. By the way, you have done a wonderful job. I know you haven't told this story. I don't you've told it publicly like this before. No, I know. I probably stumbled a few times or maybe not, you know, not very I'm not uh TV trained, but you know, hopefully it'll get better. You did a beautiful job. You really shared it so well. And thank you. I think you've given a lot of people comfort today. If there was one thing that you hope people take away from your experience, what would that be? Do your best and let God do the rest. And that just means don't don't get so caught up in what you didn't do or beating yourself up again. I think we all have struggles. If you're struggling with anxiety, depression, just do your best. Like I said, if that's a shower, celebrate the shower. Give yourself a break. And um you know, if you're struggling with addiction, see God. Just chase them, you know. And and I will go back to that moment. It wasn't random. I was trying to I was I was listening to sermons. I was trying. I just I was, you know, very at my lowest. I was at the end of my addiction. It was going to go one of two ways, right? And so I started seeking God. And that's when God, you know, touched me. So I think I think just seek something outside of this crazy place that we live and yourself.

I am so glad that you have turned things around because I think you're such a help for so many people that are listening today and I have to say I have so enjoyed meeting you and talking with you. You really are a a a delightful and just a fun person as well. You've got this amazing story, but you're also just a wonderful person. Well, thank you. I appreciate you. And it was fun being on the podcast and going through my first um my first time telling my story. So, it was fun. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm sure there'll be many more. Thanks so much. Thanks.

One of the great things about doing this podcast is the opportunity to meet such amazing people like Tanya. I just really enjoyed her, not only as a guest, but I just enjoyed getting to know her. She's a really interesting, fun, even funny person. So, I hope that you also enjoyed getting to know her on this podcast. There were just so many things that she talked about that I thought were really interesting. So, I would love to hear what stood out to you and you can share that in the comments. I pointed this out to her, but just the idea of meeting God, I mean, it must be so mindblowing. It's mind-blowing to me to think about that. And I just can't imagine having that kind of an experience. I do think though that we can all get signs, but I think we have to be open to them and maybe quiet our mind a little bit to get them. Um, it's nice to think that we could all hear from God. I'm not sure. I guess I've never had that kind of communication like that, but boy would it be neat if I did. It's interesting that she said that everything is connected. I've heard a lot of guests saying that and just how she described it too with all these lights being connected. So, just so many neat things that she talked about that I really appreciated. So, I'd love to hear your thoughts. So, go ahead and share those in the comments. Also, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like. And also, if you're not subscribed, please subscribe. And also, if you are, make sure that you hit the bell icon and that way you'll get alerted. Also, if you liked it, please share with a friend. If you liked this, I've got lots of other episodes that I know you'll love as well. So, always look in the description, and that's where you can find a link to my hundreds of other episodes. There are so many great ones there. So, check that out. I'll also have more information on Tanya there. But yeah, just such a great guest. I really enjoyed her. I hope you did as well. And I'm really anxious to hear your thoughts on some of the things that we talked about. Make sure to come looking for me next week. I will be here and I'll have another great guest for you. Thanks everybody. You have a wonderful week. I'm really grateful to have you here. Thanks for joining me on Beyond with Heather Tesh. Please add comments and questions you'd like future guests to answer. Also, if you liked what you heard, please hit the thumbs up button and subscribe. That'll help keep this podcast going. You can also go to Beyond with Heather Tesh to look for more episodes.