Transcription
Okay, so boom. The fight kicks off with Naruto and Team Seven pulling up on Orochimaru on this knockoff Golden Gate Bridge. And immediately, we see Naruto's already on that weird, possessive type time, and talking about some, "Give me back my Sasuke, bro. He don't like you. Take a hint. How many times does he gotta run the ones with you for you to realize he's not your friend?" Moving like them guys with cheating girlfriends. You get mad at the other guy that she cheated with. That's not your girl. She's for the streets. Let him go.
Orochimaru not taking him seriously, so Naruto immediately gets on hot, and the Ninetails chakra starts to take over. Bro, look how hard he's gripping the floor. Kinky ass. Never seen a [ __ ] this pressed about getting back another man in my life. Naruto not with the talking right now, so he charges at Orochimaru and swats the [ __ ] out of it, sending him flying. Keep out, fast. He going through them trees. That man into another continent. Damn. And, uh, Naruto, you not slick, 'cause I seen how you looked over your shoulder just to make sure the hoes was watching. You're not that guy.
After a 9-year trek, Orochimaru finally makes it back back to the bridge, only for us to see half of his face is clawed off. But the crazy thing is, he's not phased one bit. Bro, just covers the half that got ripped off and regenerates like nothing happened. Orochimaru now gets to cooking. Yam, and as much as I hate him, I had to let it slide because he was spitting facts. "Excuse me, [ __ ] in the back. You don't remember me? Yeah, I'm the reason you can flex on him with the first Hokage and then Jutsu. I was really cooking in that lab. All in them guts. No pause. But it's fine. The Leaf can have you. I got a new, new toy now." And Sasuke will be twice as good.
Naruto hears his trigger word, Sasuke, and of course, he gets even angrier. So Kabuto's dumbass tries to run up on Naruto, but Naruto shuts that down immediately with a single scream. This, in turn, sends Kabuto flying, knocking the [ __ ] out of Sakura in the process. If you don't get your sorry ass, bro. Sakura is so garbage. Why are you getting bounced across the floor by this avoidable blow? You don't see how Sai and Yamato simply jump to avoid it? It's not rocket science. Look at you now, you left with a concussion and a broken shoulder, and whole time the fight didn't even start yet. Go home.
Naruto's chakra explosion causes the bridge to start crumbling, so he pulls himself up with his Ninetail chakra arm. Sakura over there still off the night pool, while Yamato over there screaming at it like an idiot. "Sakura, can you hear me?" No, she can't hear you. You didn't see her head ricochet off the ground. The bridge begins to crumble even more, so Yamato uses his wood style to hold it up. But Sakura's natural body instinct is always to sell, so she starts falling off the side of the bridge anyways. Yamato yells at Sai to catch her with his bird. And at first, it actually looks like he's going to catch her. But this is where we find out that Sai is DTB for life, 'cause he completely ignores Yamato and lets Sakura fall. So Yamato uses his wood style again to save him. As to why he didn't do that in the first place, I have no clue.
Now we see Orochimaru dodging blows with this pitch-black background until we see an explosion. We see Orochimaru fly on out of there. But the next time we see him up close, he's missing an arm. Down there, still ready to bite this nigga's head off. So Orochimaru starts talking more junk. "Is that all you got?" What is Orochimaru talking about? He's missing a whole arm. But that's when we see Orochimaru hunch over, looking like he's ready to throw up. And he does. But what does he throw up? Himself. This [ __ ] Orochimaru climbs out his own mouth, all while making some indescribable sounds. Every time this creature gets too much screen time, I just gotta bow my head and say a quick prayer because this, this is a demon.
Naruto now starts forming the fourth tail over there, yelling and grunting loud as hell, sounding like he's gotta take the meanest [ __ ] of the century. Now his skin starts peeling off, and his blood starts rising, so we know it's about to get real serious. The camera now pans to Yamato and Sakura, and the way I had the immediate urge to punch my screen needs to be studied. Why is she getting more screen time? Nobody asked for this. We could have gone the whole episode without seeing what happened to her. We don't care. Matter of fact, this could have been the last episode I ever see her in again, and I promise you, there wouldn't be a single time when I say to myself, "Hey, where's Sakura?"
Yamato makes a wooden cone to go get Naruto, but when he pulls up, he sees that it's too late. The transformation is already complete. Naruto is completely engulfed by the Ninetail chakra, and the four tails has emerged. The camera then cuts to Orochimaru, and this man on all fours, waving his long ass tongue in the air like a flag. Let's really dissect this. What position is that? Can someone please exterminate this [ __ ]? This man never fails to make me uncomfortable. This man always slithering out of something, throwing up something. There is severely wrong with bro, and I want to know who let him cook. Who let that man cook all them years in that lab? 'Cause I can only imagine the vile, disgusting creations that didn't get to see the light of day.
Orochimaru sends a bunch of snakes with swords towards Naruto, but he kills them all with one slap to the ground. Hold on, how all these snakes come out of Orochimaru's throat? Let me find out Orochimaru a throat go out here like that? What the hell? Not like that, though. Hold it. Chill, chill. Naruto tries to sneak Orochimaru by popping his chakra hands through the ground, but Orochimaru dodges them with ease. Naruto then tries to grab Orochimaru, so Orochimaru counters by slithering one of his snakes around Naruto's arm, but it completely disintegrates. So Orochimaru sends out another snake, but this time it's half snake, half Orochimaru, and it slithers right out of his mouth. Why can't this [ __ ] just use a regular clone jutsu like everyone else, man?
Orochimaru's clone rushes Naruto and punches him straight in his jaw, but Naruto eats this punch, and in the blink of an eye, he cuts the clone in half with one swipe. Now Naruto starts spitting orbs out of his body. Out there twitching like a crackhead. He starts gathering them to make a Tail Beast Bomb. So Orochimaru makes the very wise decision and starts to flip the hell on out of there. Look at him out here performing a gymnastics tumble routine, which, if we're being honest, would be the perfect sport for him, 'cause ain't nobody more flexible than this man.
After gathering the orbs and making the Tail Beast Bomb, he opens his mouth wider and swallows the bomb. Hole. Now we over there looking like Phantom coming from a McDonald's drive-thru, stomach big as hell, ready to shoot at Orochimaru. And this the first time we really see Orochimaru show. Naruto lets the bomb go, so Orochimaru summons three walls that look like the dams from Mario Kart to try and block Naruto's bomb. I'm sorry, but I'll be damned if I see my opponent cooking up a move like this and my next move is to put up some walls. Yeah, no, that's not going to work for me. Clearly, we see this nigga's built different. We just watched him send Kabuto and Orochimaru flying with just a swipe and a scream, and I'm supposed to put my faith in a wall? Absolutely not.
After the explosion clears, we see Orochimaru folded like an omelet, out here looking like a roach that done got hit with Raid. My boy want to be a contortionist so bad. CM, bro packed up like this. Got me jumping for joy until I see Orochimaru and his bendable, stretchy neck pop up to the ground and stab Naruto in his stomach with his long ass sword. But it turns out the sword couldn't even pierce Naruto, so he slaps it away. Kabuto jumps over it, but Sakura, slow ass, just stands there lost as hell. So Yamato tackles her out the way. If I'm Yamato, she not coming on no S-rank, A-rank, B-rank, C-rank, D-rank after this. You never coming on another mission with me again. You better go wash them dishes at Ichiraku Ramen. That's all we got.
Sakura thinks she's the main character now, so she tries to run up and bring back Naruto. But Naruto looks at her and smacks her into a. She really tried it, moving like one of them girls trying to break up guy fights, talking about some, "Jerk, this isn't you." Don't get your lame. Yamato finally restrains Naruto with his wood style, then hits him with the seal to control the Ninetails, bringing Naruto back to reality. Overall, a pretty disturbing fight. Orochimaru didn't fail to treat me out once, and Naruto showed us why he shouldn't be played with. Don't had to wake. I go to work. I ain't really want to go. No, got to be with me on my side. Yeah, he be with me on the low. Yeah, I don't.