Transcription
My question is about relationship, specifically with my husband. Vibrational energy question. I need guidance, I guess. The best way I know to ask this is, I'm really enjoying the drive to San Diego, but I find that when I'm making it with my husband of 25 years, he wants to stay in Yuma. And and so I feel like we're we're not a vibrational match.
And well, here's the thing that we really want you to hear. It's not so much that you need to be a vibrational match to him. That's Law of Attraction's job to sort that out. But you do need to be a vibrational match to you. And when you're a vibrational match to you, the best of everything that you want will come to you.
In other words, usually when people ask relationship questions, what they really mean is, "How can I get him to be more the way I need him to be so that I will feel better?" And we say, "Give it up." Because first of all, it's not his job to be the way you need him to be, or anybody needs him to be, so that they can feel better. It's your job to tune yourself or tone yourself to the parts of him that you want most to experience.
In the beginning, when relationships are new, mostly you are each looking for the best of each other. You're hoping it will work out. You're hoping that this person is who you really want them to be. You're dreaming sometimes a little more than you're observing. And your vibration is cleaner and purer. But the longer you are together, the more you notice the things about each other that bother you. And most humans are still trying very hard to get rid of the things that they don't want, thinking that if they can obliterate them.
You push against so many things. There's a war against drugs, and a war against AIDS, and a war against cancer, and a war against terrorism, and war against teenage pregnancy, and a war against terrorism. Did we mention there's a war against terrorism? And all of the things that you are pushing against, instead of them getting smaller and going away, they become more.
And so when you see characteristics in your relationship, or in the personality of someone else, that you don't like, and you give them attention, and you want them to go away, all that happens is you activate those things in you. So not only do they not go away, they show up more frequently. And then you say, "You need to be different so that I can feel better." And we say, "No, you need to be different so that you can feel better." Don't ask anybody else to need to be different so that you can feel better. Can you feel that utter freedom in learning that it's all about your vibration, and you can clean it up? Isn't it refreshing to realize that nobody has to do something different in order to feel good?
Esther looks at granddaughter Kate. She's three, and she's perfect. She's easy to love. There is nothing about Kate that's not to love. And so when Esther looks at Kate, or talks to her on the telephone, or thinks about her, it immediately connects Esther with Source because there's no resistance whatsoever in that vibration. But then, frankly, she sort of resents the rest of you that you're not that good. In other words, some of you are not that easy to love.
And so we know that it would be nicer for Esther if you would all just figure out what she wants and be it, so that all she has to do is lazily gaze in your direction and feel good. And many of you would like everybody to clean themselves up so that you could just gaze in their direction and you would feel good. But it's not their job to make themselves the way you need them to be so that you can feel good. It's your job to make peace with where you are and find a way of aligning with your desires.
It's not things that are wrong with people that are upsetting you. It's your attention to them and your subsequent activation of something that you don't want that then conflicts with what you do want. Are you getting this?
So here's how it works. You're banging around with this person. You're living with them. You're watching them. You're having experiences. And some of the experiences are wonderful, and you say, "Yay, I want more of those." And some of the experiences don't make you feel so good, and you say, "I don't want any more of those." And in all of that, you are sending preferences into your thought bank in the sky, so to speak. In other words, rockets of desire are preceding you, and Source is agreeing with every one of them and lining all of those probabilities up for you.
But then you haven't trained yourself yet to be a match to what you've dreamed into place. Instead, you're looking at this characteristic. And it might be a characteristic that's really in your face. In other words, we understand you're looking at this characteristic that is not a match to what you want. And so all of a sudden, there's discord between the desire that you have been honing and putting into place, and what you're observing right now.
Now, a normal person living very conditional love would say, "You need to do something about this that I'm observing because I can't observe this and be in alignment with what I want at the same time." But if you get him whipped into shape, somebody else will turn up that that isn't. In other words, we see mothers getting their sons all whipped into shape just the way they need them to be, and then he goes off and falls in love with some girl, and then he does what she wants.
In other words, when you're counting on someone performing or changing conditions so that you can feel good, you're always obliged to them. You're sort of in a trap. It's really what's wrong with most relationships. Where if you could make peace with where they are by acknowledging that there are things you like and things you don't like, and turn your undivided attention to the things you do like, get a book of positive aspects, activate in yourself the very best parts. If there are 10 dominant characteristics and only one of them is lovely and the rest of them are despicable, focus upon that one and let that one wonderful characteristic be what's active within you.
So that when you say that person's name, when you think that person's name, that's the vibration that is activated within you. And because that vibration that is activated within you is so in alignment with what you want, now you are in perfect alignment. And when you are in perfect alignment and you are on your signal, the universe cannot give you from that person anything that does not match that signal.
So if you've got relationship problems, any of you, what's happening is you've got vibration going all over the place. You've got a sloppy vibration about that person going on within you. And so Law of Attraction is delivering to you a myriad of things. Sometimes it's wonderful, sometimes it's not so wonderful. But it is all always, every time, no exceptions, a reflection of your own vibration.
So you could let everybody off the hook. You could let your mates off the hook by saying, "You know, I don't like the way you're treating me, but I take full responsibility for it." In other words, that would be a really accurate statement. "I'm extracting from you something I do not want." Now, you could get a little digging if you wanted by saying, "I'm extracting from you something that I do not want because I've been observing it so present in your experience for so long, and it's such a predominant part of your personality that it can hardly get my eyes off of it. And because I can't get my eyes off of it, I have trained that into an active part of my vibration. And so now it seems, dear one, that I'm getting a whole lot of that from you. So I'm going to do my best to ignore that aspect of you, which, by the way, I wish you'd get rid of. But I understand it's not your job to get rid of it. And I'm going to train myself to the best of you. And it'll take me a while because, frankly, I haven't been looking for the best of you for a while. But I've got this long list of things I wish you'd change. But never mind, that's irrelevant because I realize that this long list of things that I don't like is what's active in my vibration, and that's why I'm getting so much of it. So excuse me for a little while. I'll be gone for an hour. No, a day. No, a week. I'll be gone. I'm going on a cruise. And and and I'm going to do my best during that time to focus upon the very best of you. I'm going to tune up my vibration about you. I'm going to make it impossible for you to give me something other than what I want, because what I want will be only what is active in my signal. I'm no longer an observer that just sloppily observes all over the place. I think about you when we're not together, and I train myself into vibrational alignment with what I am wanting. And I'm so good at seeing you as I've written in my book of positive aspects. I'm so good at seeing you as I've dreamed you when I lay on my pillow at night. I'm so good at seeing you the way I want you to be when you're not being that way. I don't want you to be that. Now I am in vibrational alignment with the best of you. So then you can say, 'Carry on, be whoever you need to be, because Law of Attraction will only bring you to me when you are a match to that which is me.' That's always true. Law of Attraction is bringing everybody to you just as they are a match to your vibration."
So what's been happening to most of you? Most of you do not deliberately mold your vibration about anyone or anything into place purposefully. That really is what deliberate creation is. But most people don't do it. Instead, they observe what is and talk about what is, and so they have so much mixture in their vibration. It's why they get so much of everything from so many different places.
And then most people get into this very conditional love mode where they say, "Well, let's sift it all out. I'm going to clean it all up, and I need you to do this, this, and this, and this." And we say, "Good luck on that one. How is it working out?" You are selfishly wired, every one of you, and it just is not going to happen that somebody else is going to make how you feel their top priority. It's not their job. It's illogical to request that of anyone. And even if you can get someone who doesn't have strong interests about what's important to them to yield all of their interests in order to please you, eventually they will come to resent you. That is not the kind of relationship you want.
You want a relationship where you're taking responsibility for what you're extracting from the other person. It's so freeing to you, and it is utterly freeing to them. Imagine what that would feel like to anyone to have you say, "I am no longer holding you responsible for my happiness. I've got a handle on my own happiness." We think those would be wonderful marriage vows. "I like you pretty good. Let's see how it goes." Rather than, "You need to do all of these things that are unnatural to your species in order to keep me in a place of security." No one can find security from a place of insecurity that has spawned such vows, you see.
Yes, did we get there for you? Yeah, you did. Thank you very much. [Applause] [Music]